Top Ten Tips for a Great Audition
10. CHOOSE WISELY! Pick a monologue that you like, and memorize it!
9. NO STUFF NEEDED! Don’t use a chair or prop, just use your imagination.
8. DON’T STRESS! The director does not have your monologue memorized, so I won’t even
notice if you mess up a word or two, so try to keep going.
7. ENERGY! First impressions count. Show us your best self, so wake up!
6. EMOTION! Plays capture the most dramatic moments of a story, so we want to see some
emotion!
5. ENNUNCIATION! We want to understand the words please.
4. EXPRESSION! Use your whole face to show your emotions and reveal how the character
feels.
3. BREATHE! You need oxygen to survive your audition.
2. STAND TALL! This helps you look and feel confident and forget your nerves.
1. SMILE! Directors want to work with fun people!
Monologues
The Ugly Stepsister Speaks Out
It isn’t easy being the ugly stepsister. Everybody always feels so sorry for poor
little Cinderella, but what about me? I deserve a little sympathy, too. Does my
fairy godmother ever turn up with a magic wand? Does the prince ever dance
with me at the ball? Not on your life. The best I can ever hope for with my
pumpkins is a decent piece of pie. And as for the rats, well, rats are rats, with their
sneaky eyes and skinny tails, nibbling and gnawing at the garbage. I never saw
one yet who turned into a coachman. If you ask me, that Cinderella is weird.
Certainly, she isn’t normal. Besides the fact that she has naturally curly hair and
wears size 4 ½ shoes, she is so good-natured that it’s downright sickening. If you
had to dust and sweep and clean all day long, would you go around singing to the
birds? Of course you wouldn’t. No sensible person would. A lot of people think
I’m jealous of her. Maybe I am. And with good reason. I subsisted on seven
hundred calories a day for three whole weeks before the ball. I did my leg-lift
exercises faithfully. I got a perm and a facial and a manicure. I even bought a new
gown. Blue velvet. Designer label. I mean, I was ready. Princey, I thought to
myself, here I come! And what happened? Little Cindy, who has never seen the
inside of a health club in her life and who doesn’t know the caloric difference
between a carrot stick and a chocolate éclair, whips together a dress out of some
old curtains from K-Mart, waltzes off to the ball and snags the prince. It isn’t fair!
It really isn’t fair!
Prince’s Complaint
Aren’t there any normal princesses out there? I’m so tired of these damsel-indistress types. I’d like to meet a princess who is a down to earth girl. I’d like a girl
who actually likes me—for me—not just because I came riding valiantly to her
rescue on a white horse. I’d like a princess who reads because she likes
books! Not because she’s been locked in a tower for years. Now, that would be
refreshing! What is with the princess who hides her beautiful face in ashes and
pretends to be a maid until I throw a ball, and then suddenly there she appears—
only to disappear again—and then reappear and then disappear. I don’t have time
to scour the country side with a glass slipper in search of my one and only true
love. Some guys might think that’s interesting, but I’d like to actually finish our
dance and say good night, perhaps even with a good night kiss. I don’t have the
patience to visit house after house, and watch girl after girl, huff and puff, and
grunt and groan, and wiggle and twist and strain only to discover the shoe don’t
fit, SURPRISE! Ahhh…wouldn’t that be somethin’. But no luck. Do you really think
the best way to meet me is to eat a poison apple and get your seven best friends
to put you in a glass coffin! A simple, “Hi, my name is Snow White. Nice to meet
you!” Would work just dandy for me! Really! (Prince hears something) Oh
no! Gotta run. Another princess in trouble!
Fairy Godmother
You'll excuse me for not doing the whole "appearing in a cloud of stardust"
routine, but my back is killing me. Besides, stardust is expensive, and our budget
just got cut. Whenever there are cutbacks in the Fairy Tale World, the magic
department always feels it first. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a sudden
outbreak of insomnia with all the way they butchered the Sandman's budget.
Now I can't afford to buy a new wand. I have been waiting for months for that
funding to come through. My old one has been in the shop twice in the past
week. Of course, it's not because of cutbacks. It's an older model and that
Cinderella character overloaded it! Boy, that girl really cracks my crystals! All I
hear is whine, whine, whine. (In a mocking, whiny voice) "I need a coach. I need
footmen and a groom. I need a dress." And just when I think it's all over: "I need
shoes." So I whip up those glass slippers! Arg…I hope she has to walk over some
rocky terrain!
Well, I better go. I have to get my wings detailed. I just have one request. Please
write a letter to the Queen of Hearts, you know, the head honcho, and ask her to
give us a little slack in the magic department. I speak not only for myself. The
genies are running out of bottles.