IAE–WritingaDescriptiveParagraph–Week4+5–WritingPatterns
WritingPatterns-TopicandComment
Informationinacademicsentencesandparagraphsneedstobeorganizedinawaythatcan
bereadquicklyandiseasytounderstand.Thisiscalledcoherence.Onemethodofcoherent
writingistouseatopicandcommentpatterninyourparagraphs.
The topic is usually at the beginning of the sentence and the comment at the end of the
sentence.Thetopiccanberepeatedoveranumberofsentences
The Great Wall of China is built along the northern border of China. The wall is
more than 7000km long.
Thetopicorcommentofthefirstsentenceoftenbecomesthetopicatthebeginningofthe
nextsentence.
The Great Wall of China was started during the Han Dynasty. The Han Dynasty
emperor Qin Shi wanted to protect his northern lands. These lands were valuable
for farming.
The wall was built by peasants, prisoners and slaves. Many of these people died
during the construction of the wall. The wall took hundreds of years to build.
Thereisoftenmorethatonecommentandanyofthesecanbecomenewtopicsinnew
sentences.
Generally the wall was built with whatever resources were available locally and
had a strong defensive design. Local stone and later locally made bricks were
used in the construction. The defensive design consisted of thick walls and high
towers.
Usingthesepatternswillmakeyoursentencesandparagraphseasiertowriteandread.
Thegeneralideaisthatatopicofasentenceshouldhaveaconnectiontoaprevioustopicor
commentsomewhereintheparagraph.Ifitdoesnot,thereadermayfinditdifficulttoread
theparagraphquicklyorunderstandtheideas.
IAEJohnSlocombeGE:UAEU
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IAE–WritingaDescriptiveParagraph–Week4+5–WritingPatterns
1. Underlinethetopicsandhighlightthecommentsintheparagraphbelow.Thefirstfew
havebeendoneforyou.
The Great Wall of China is the longest defensive fortification in the world. The
wall was first begun in the 3rd century BCE during the Han dynasty. The Han
emperor Qin Shi needed to protect China’s northern borders. These border areas
were rich agricultural lands that needed to be defended from the Mongols. To
defend them the Hans built a wall. The wall was built by more than 1 million
people, and during the construction as many as 300,000 of them died. These people
were often buried within the wall itself. The wall consisted of a series of towers,
which were used for accommodation and communication.
Each tower
accommodated up to 100 soldiers. Communication was achieved by using the
towers as fire beacons. When the beacons were lit they could be seen for miles
along the wall. However, the wall was not that effective, and in the 12th century
Genghis Khan invaded China from the north.
Hopefullyyoucanseethatthetopicisusuallylinkedtoaprevioustopicorcommentinthe
paragraph.Thisaddstothecoherenceofthetext.
2. CompletethesentencesbelowabouttheHangingGardensofBabylon.
a. The ziggurats were a religious symbol and, claims professor Ali, all the
citizens were very proud of these buildings. ____________________ were
huge terraced structures, often with a temple on the top.
b. One method involved the technique of hydroponics whilst the other used
earth. _____________________ is a method of growing plants in water
without using soil. The plants are fed by adding special minerals to the
water. ________________________ was more traditional. Soil was laid on
the terraces and the flowers, bushes and trees were planted in it.
c. The original source of the gardens' water was from the Euphrates River.
Experts claim that _____________ was brought to the top terrace of the
garden by a tunnel and pulley system..
d. The gardens were built on a _____________. The terraces of the
z__________ were home to many beautiful plants and contained many
fountains.
IAEJohnSlocombeGE:UAEU
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IAE–WritingaDescriptiveParagraph–Week4+5–WritingPatterns
3. LookatfollowingexamplesfromtheHangingGardenstexts.Whatistheproblemwith
theorderingofinformation(topicandcomment)inthefirstexample?
The Hanging Gardens of Babylon were as much of a technological achievement as
they were an architectural success. There are two points to consider regarding the
irrigation of the gardens: how the water was raised to the top of the ziggurat and
the insulation of the ziggurat so that the water did not destroy the building.
Nowlookatthesecondexample.Whyisthistextmuchmorecoherent?Considerthetopic
andcommentpatterns.
The Hanging Gardens were as much of a technological achievement as they were
an architectural success. Since Babylon rarely received rain, the gardens had to be
irrigated. There are two points to consider regarding the irrigation of the gardens:
how the water was raised to the top of the ziggurat and the insulation of the
ziggurat so that the water did not destroy the building.
4. Look at the example paragraph for MB1 for The Hanging Gardens of Babylon essay.
Underlinethetopicsandhighlightthecomments.
5. Now look at a paragraph you have recently written. Analyze the topic and comment
patternintheparagraph.Couldyoumaketheparagraphmorecoherentforthereader?
WhenyouwriteyourmainbodyparagraphsfortheHangingGardensofBabylonquestion,try
tothinkaboutthepatternofyourwritingandhowyouorderinformationforthereader.
IAEJohnSlocombeGE:UAEU
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