The Daily Dozen of Catholic Parenting
The Following information is adapted from the workbook: The Daily Dozen of
Catholic Parenting: How to Improve Your Catholic Parenting in Twenty Minutes a
Day. For more information about the Daily Dozen workbook visit
www.catholicfamilyresources.com
1) Who we are as parents.
We are members of the Body of Christ through our Baptism and we are first children of
God. When is the last time you reminded yourself of this great identity? Take time today
to do that! The Catholic Church invites us to realize that as parents we are called to make
our homes little churches where our children see the Gospel lived out daily in our actions
and thoughts (CCC 2204, 2685, et. al.). How are we as parents creating our little
churches?
2) Who our children are.
Our children are not ours, we are stewards of them. Fundamentally, they belong to God.
Our Children are also members of the Body of the Christ and need to be treated
respectfully (CCC 2222). When we talk to our children we are addressing Christ. Of
course no parent is perfect in this and our God understands, but how did you talk to your
children today? Is there anything you need to apologize for? If so, please do so and let the
Holy Spirit bring healing and peace in your family.
3) Some of what we need as parents.
“The Daily Dozen of Catholic Parenting” © 2016 Jim Otremba, M.Div, M.S., LICSW and Maureen
Otremba, M.A.
In order to be the best parents we can be, we need to learn Christ’s powerful message in
the Gospels. So many times Jesus would leave his apostles and go be with His God.
When is the last time we made time for an extended time away by ourselves to let God
love us? We need this time as parents to allow the Holy Spirit to help us become more of
who we are as children of God. When we follow Christ in this example and make time
for ourselves we do not have to feel guilty about that decision. Many parents don’t leave
their children because they feel guilty, but don’t fall into that trap. We need daily, weekly,
monthly, and yearly time alone as parents!
4) Some of what our children need.
The needs are great and they can be overwhelming at times. Begin with prayer and
validation. If you currently don’t pray for your children throughout the day please begin
to do so. Our children also need validation. Many parents miss this simple, yet highly
effective action. When our children (or spouse) come to us with a hurt they are sharing
try to validate their feelings first. Don’t attempt to fix it first. For example, if a child
complains of a bad day don’t jump into “well that’s ok, tomorrow is a new day.” Instead
try, “I am sorry you had a bad do you want to talk more about that?” This can facilitate
trust and respect in the relationship. We validate our children because God fist validated
us. The incarnation (Christ becoming one of us) is validation par excellence. We need to
follow God’s lead.
5) Learn and use good communication skills.
Communication is a major key to a holy family life. God places a priority of
communicating God’s love to us through Christ who is the “Word” of God (John 1:1). We
need to place a priority of communicating our love to each other in our families. In order
to do this we need to pray and think about how we were taught to communicate while we
were children. Some of us parents were not taught good communication skills as
children. The good news is we can learn new ones as we open up our hearts to the Holy
Spirit. A major communication tool is to learn good non-verbal skills. Think about the
acronym SEEN. These are four non-verbals that we can do from the neck up in order to
help our children feel that we are listening to them. S = smiles, E = eye brows raised, E =
eye contact, N = nodding the head. Practicing these non-verbals today will really help
your communication with your children (and other relationships as well).
“The Daily Dozen of Catholic Parenting” © 2016 Jim Otremba, M.Div, M.S., LICSW and Maureen
Otremba, M.A.
6) Thanks be to God for leverages! (these are not bribes)
When is the last time you needed to move something heavy like a piano or a vehicle?
Unless you are a team of NFL offensive linemen, you probably used leverages to move
that heavy object. Leverages are used to move unmovable items…not unlike a teenager’s
attitude or a toddler’s stage of initial independence. Leverages work and they are not
bribes! Bribes are illegal activity involving paying off an official to attain some favor.
Leverages are smart psychology, and Christ Himself told us to be as gentle as doves and
as smart as serpents (Matthew 10:16).
In a nut shell a leverage is using something a child wants (a privilege) to stop or curb an
action or an attitude. Never use the words “I’m going to take this away.” Instead, use the
words: “If you choose to continue (the bad behavior you want changed) then you are
choosing to lose (whatever the leverage is).” Some keys with leverages: they are wants
not needs, issue one warning, leverages will change as your child matures, and parents
need to take out emotion when offering them to children (which is very hard to do).
7) We are the parents!
We like to discuss the fact that it is our job to be the parents, and if a friendship develops
with our children that is a blessing. But, in the formative years we need to be the parents
and take the leadership role. We also find it helpful to prayerfully examine our family of
origin because how we parent today is very much influenced by how our parents raised
us years ago. That doesn’t mean we blame our parenting problems on our parents. It only
helps us to identify areas of blessing and difficulty that may still be going onto today. Try
this today for your parenting: name three good things you learned from your parents that
you want to keep in your parenting. Next, name three things that you learned from your
parents that you want God to heal and redeem.
8) Don’t buy society’s lies.
There are so many lies in our culture when it comes to parenting that it would be
impossible to list them all here. But when we critically consider our twenty-first century
world considering Jesus’ statement “I am the way, the truth, and the life” three core lies
become apparent: consumerism, relativism, and low moral expectations. Consumerism as
the way, a relative approach to truth, and a life compromised by low moral expectations
pose enormous challenges to us in our vocation as Christian parents.
“The Daily Dozen of Catholic Parenting” © 2016 Jim Otremba, M.Div, M.S., LICSW and Maureen
Otremba, M.A.
9) Limit unproductive screen time.
Unproductive screen time (TVs, computers, cell phones, etc.) is an epidemic that is
infecting Catholic family life. As Catholic parents we need to take a stance and
understand the power of the Holy Spirit calling us into fullness of life every day. This
fullness of life is numbed by unproductive screen time. If this is something that you
wrestle with as a parent be gentle with yourself. Create a realistic plan to change this
habit by decreasing unproductive screen time by ten or fifteen minutes every day until
you are at the time that is healthy and holy.
10)Laugh, laugh, and laugh some more.
We take ourselves too seriously at times and it detrimental to our family life. We need to
learn to laugh at the many funny situations that parenting brings. A word of warning:
don’t use sarcasm. It is easier not to use it when it is defined. It is from the Greek word
“sarx” meaning “flesh.” A possible transliteration could render “to tear or rip the flesh
away.” That is what we do when we use sarcasm. We rip the flesh off of the body of the
relationship in which we use it, and this is never funny. If you have used it in the past
please make a commitment today to stop using it.
11)Becoming parents and families who serve.
I am always amazed at the Gospel of John. This Gospel which was the last one to be
composed is so beautiful and symbolic. It is the only Gospel which does not contain an
“institution narrative,” which are the words the priest uses at every Mass when he
consecrates the bread and wine into the Body and Blood of Christ. Instead of the
institution narrative St. John has the profound story of Christ washing the feet of His
disciples! That is amazing. St. John is telling us that the Eucharist must lead to service!
As parents we are no stranger to serving! Picking up laundry, cleaning the kitchen for the
fifth time, washing up after a sick child, helping with homework, shopping, doing the
bills, and the list is nearly endless. During nearly infinite acts of service in our families it
is our calling to make those acts holy; to make them a prayer. If we do this we can
transform our parenting with the “holiness of the humdrum.” We need to make
everything we do a prayer, as St. Paul tells us. Our families are called to serve as well.
“The Daily Dozen of Catholic Parenting” © 2016 Jim Otremba, M.Div, M.S., LICSW and Maureen
Otremba, M.A.
But, we teach in-reach before out-reach. Make sure our family is doing relatively well
before we invest allot of time in other forms of out-reach. We teach this because Love
starts at the home. If our family is not functioning as well as the Lord desires, get some
help, look at the 12th daily dozen below.
12)Ask for guidance when you need it.
This can be difficult one. Asking for help as parents can sometimes seem impossible.
Many of us were taught that what goes on in the family stays in the family…we do not
talk about family secrets. Thanks be to God that most parents can now see the lie in that
statement. Because of our highly-specialized society that we live in, asking for help is
seen in every other area of our lives: when we need new glasses, we go to our eye doctor,
when we need the van worked on we take to a certified mechanic, when we need our
back adjusted we see a Chiropractor, and the list goes on and on. There is no difference in
asking for help from people who are trained in relationship dynamics: some priests,
spiritual directors, some good friends, and licensed therapists.
If you need help in your family know that the Holy Spirit wants to bring healing into your
relationships. The hurts happened in relationships, so the healing will happen in a
relationship. If you need help ask for it. A good place to start is your parish priest or
deacon. Many priests have a couple of therapists that they work with when they need to.
May Jesus, who remembers and redeems family life, continue to bless your family with
peace.
“The Daily Dozen of Catholic Parenting” © 2016 Jim Otremba, M.Div, M.S., LICSW and Maureen
Otremba, M.A.