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Mr Bennet
Mrs Bennet
Mr Collins
The first time the family meets Mr. Collins. They are all sitting around
the table, having just eaten.
Mrs. Bennet: Would you care for anything else, Mr. Collins? If we had
known you were coming I would have planned for two full courses for
luncheon.
Mr. Collins: I thank you for your consideration but—
Mrs. Bennet: But alas, Mr. Bennet neglected to inform us of your
arrival.
Mr. Collins: May I assure you, madam, I am replete. Pray, to which of
my fair cousins may I ascribe the excellence of the cookery?
Mrs. Bennet: We are perfectly able to keep a cook, Mr. Collins. My girls
have nothing to do in the kitchen, apart from the mince pies at
Christmas.
Mr. Collins: If I have given offence I am simply mortified. Please accept
my most humble apology.
Mrs. Bennet: No offence has been taken, Mr. Collins.
Mr. Bennet: And so, Mr. Collins, to what purpose do we owe the
pleasure of your visit?
Mr. Collins: The unfortunate circumstance of my being named to inherit
your estate after your death has, I assure you cousin, always given me
much uneasiness, and so I wish to extend the olive branch, which I hope
you will not reject.
Mr. Bennet: That is very thoughtful of you, Mr. Collins. I warmly
welcome you to Longbourn as my guest, and when I am dead, which, I
fear, may not be for several years, I hope that you will welcome the
occasional appearance of my ghost in the library.
Mr. Collins: Having received ordination this Easter, I have been so
fortunate as to be honoured by the patronage of Lady Catherine de
Bourgh, whose bounty and beneficence have preferred to me the
valuable rectory of her parish.
Mr. Bennet: You are very fortunate in your patroness, Mr. Collins.
Mr. Collins: I have never in my life witnessed such behavior in a person
of rank—such affability and condescension, as I have experienced from
Lady Catherine de Bourgh.
Mr. Bennet: Highly commendable.
Mr. Collins: May I offer again my thanks for your most generous
hospitality and my compliments on your elegant furnishings.
Mrs. Bennet: You mean to keep those too, do you?
Mr. Bennet: Won’t you join me in my library, Mr. Collins?
Mr. Collins: With pleasure. Ladies. Mr. Bennet, do you have many rare
volumes? You would not happen to have an inventory at hand? My
patroness has charged me with the honour of cataloguing her extensive
library, which includes a mezzanine.
Mr. Bennet: How grand.
The men exit.
Mrs. Bennet: The abominable nerve of this Mr. Collins, sniffing about as
if he already owns the place and everything in it! Why should he inherit
Longbourn? I will not have his name mentioned in this house! It is like a
knife in my heart! Oh my poor nerves! No one knows what I suffer. I am
going to bed.
Mr. Collins enters.
Mrs. Bennet: You must excuse me, it’s my poor nerves you see, you can
understand that your visit put me in mind of the dreadful day when my
husband is dead and you shall take possession of Longbourn, and we
shall all be penniless and without a roof over our heads.
Mr. Collins: It is on precisely this matter that I wish to speak to you,
madam. Might we have a quiet word? As you are aware, I have recently
come to be entrusted with an excellent living and humble, but
comfortable, parsonage house in Kent. It is my intention, Mrs. Bennet,
to atone for my inheritance by taking one of your daughters to wife.
Pause.
Mrs. Bennet: Do go on, Mr. Collins.
Mr. Collins: It has come to my attention that your eldest has the ideal
qualities of grace, composure, and beauty that I seek.
Mrs. Bennet: Oh! Jane! Why, I thank you sir for your compliment, but I
feel I must just mention – I fear she is very soon to be engaged to our
neighbor, Mr. Bingley.
Mr. Collins: I see. In that case, one of the others would do almost
equally well.
Mrs. Bennet: My daughter Lizzie is next in age and, in a certain light,
beauty… Lizzie! Lizzie! Come here this moment!
Mr. Gardiner
Mrs. Gardiner
Mrs. Reynolds
The Gardiners and Lizzie visit Pemberley, and are soon shown around
the portrait gallery by Mrs. Reynolds.
Mrs. Gardiner: Ah, Pemberley – just as I remember it. Aren’t the
grounds magnificent? The park must be ten miles around. Wouldn’t you
say, dear?
Mr. Gardiner: Yes?
Mrs. Gardiner: That Pemberley park must be ten miles around at least.
Mr. Gardiner: I daresay rather more.
Mrs. Gardiner: When I was a girl, I dreamed of one day being mistress
of this place.
Mr. Gardiner: I am honoured that you condescended to favour me, but
an ‘umble London merchant, with your hand, milady.
Mrs. Gardiner: Oh, you. In any case, old Mr Darcy was too old, and
young Mr Darcy would have been…?
Mr. Gardiner: … but a twinkle in his father’s eye. Ah, here is the
housekeeper. Where has Eliza got to, dear? Elizabeth is our niece – she
is inclined to roam.
(Elizabeth enters)
Mrs. Gardiner: Mrs. Reynolds will take us around the house. Lead on,
Mrs Reynolds.
Mrs. Reynolds: This room was my late master’s favourite room, and
these portraits are just as they used to be then. He was very fond of
them. Now, this portrait is of my master.
Mrs. Gardiner: Is it a good likeness, Lizzie?
Mrs. Reynolds: Does the young lady know Mr. Darcy?
Lizzie: A little.
Mrs. Reynolds: And do not you think him a very handsome gentleman,
ma’am?
Lizzie: Yes, very handsome.
Mrs. Gardiner: This gentleman looks very much like someone you
know.
Mrs. Reynolds: That is young Mr. Wickham, son of my late master’s
steward. He is now gone into the army – but I’m afraid he has turned out
very wild. He left many debts behind, which my master had to pay –
forgive me. I should not speak of this to strangers, but I do not like that
young man.
Mr. Gardiner: Is your master much at Pemberley in the course of the
year?
Mrs. Reynolds: Not so much as I could wish, sir.
Mr. Gardiner: If he would marry, you might see more of him.
Mrs. Reynolds: Yes, sir; but I do not know who is good enough for
him!
Mrs. Gardiner: It is very much to his credit that you think so.
Lady Catherine
(Lizzie)
Lady Catherine: You understand why I am here.
(Lizzie): In truth, I cannot account for this unexpected honour.
Lady Catherine: A report of a most alarming nature has reached me. I
was told that not only was your sister on the point of being most
advantageously married, but that you would in all likelihood be soon
afterwards united to my own nephew, Mr. Darcy. Though I know this to
be a scandalous falsehood, I set out at once so that it might be
universally contradicted.
(Lizzie): If such a report exists, won’t your coming so far be rather a
confirmation of it?
Lady Catherine: Miss Bennet, I insist on being satisfied. Has my
nephew made you an offer of marriage?
(Lizzie): Your ladyship has declared it to be impossible.
Lady Catherine: Thoughtless, impudent girl. Mr. Darcy is engaged to
my daughter. From their infancy they have been intended for each other.
Now, what have you to say?
(Lizzie): Only this: that if he is engaged to her, you can have no reason
to suppose he will make an offer to me.
Lady Catherine: Obstinate, headstrong girl! I am ashamed of you! If
you willfully disobey me, I shall sever all relations with my nephew.
(Lizzie): This is a heavy misfortune indeed.
Lady Catherine: Insolence! This is not to be borne! My daughter and
my nephew will be married. The upstart pretensions of a young woman
without family, fortune or connections, cannot divide them. I am no
stranger to the particulars of your youngest sister’s infamous elopement.
I know it all: that the young man’s marrying her was a patched-up
business, at the expense of your uncle. Unfeeling, selfish girl. Are you
determined to ruin my nephew? Are the shades of Pemberley to be thus
polluted?
Kitty
Lydia
Mary
Jane
(Lizzie)
Wickham
Everyone is in an uproar because Lizzie has refused Mr. Collins’ offer
or marriage, and then because Wickham arrives. Jane is reading a
letter.
Mary: Mr. Collins is a very decent and good sort of man. I find his
earnestness is quite endearing.
Lydia: Oh Mary. He is a most appalling bore!
Kitty: And a terrible dancer!
Mary: He is not a clever man, and for this we should pity him. But with
application and exposure to the right books, and a patient wife, I see no
reason that Mr. Collins might not prove a very serviceable companion.
Kitty: Ooooooo!
Mary: I will thank you not to laugh at me.
Lydia: Mr. Wickham is coming up the path!
Mr. Wickham enters.
Lydia: We were longing for you at the ball, Mr. Wickham.
Kitty: Yet we had partners for every dance. So many officers!
Wickham: It sounds like a wonderful evening.
Kitty: It was!
Lydia: I danced so much I strained my ankle, see?
Kitty: Lydia! Shocking! I strained mine as well.
Lydia: And I’ll never make it all the way to the village this morning
unless I have a strong arm to lean upon, Mr. Wickham.
Wickham: I’d be delighted to offer the invalids my assistance.
Kitty: We’ll get our things. Lydia, you’re not dressed! Hurry!
Kitty and Lydia run off.
Wickham: I’ve come to apologise.
(Lizzie): Apologise?
Wickham: For not going to the ball, when I told you I would be there.
(Lizzie): Well, you were missed.
Wickham: I’m ashamed of myself. It was inexcusable. But I knew
Darcy would be there, and – you must think I’m a coward.
(Lizzie): Not at all. But why are you afraid of him?
Wickham: I’m not afraid of him. He has already done his worst to
injure me, yet, here I am. But he is a very rich and powerful man, and he
has a violent temper. If he were to observe –
(Lizzie): What?
Wickham: If, at the ball, he were to see that there was an attachment
between us – I’m too presumptuous. Forgive me. I should not assume
that you –
(Lizzie): What?
Wickham: You will have me say it – fine. I will show you some
courage and attempt to redeem myself. I should not assume that you
share my feelings, Miss Eliza. We have met but once and yet I find
myself speaking to you constantly in my mind, thinking up things to
amuse you, so that I might see your bewitching smile again.
(Lizzie): Oh.
Lizzie’s attentions turn to Jane, who is upset over the letter she is
reading.
(Lizzie): What is it Jane? What is the matter?
Jane: I hardly know what to think. You read it Lizzie. From Miss
Bingley.
Wickham: I’ll take my leave.
(Lizzie): No, stay. Please stay.
Jane: They have all left Netherfield for London today. The Bingleys,
Mr. Darcy – without any intention of returning! She says Mr. Bingley is
anxious to see Darcy’s sister, Georgiana, and that she expects that they
shall soon be engaged. (Lizzie is reading the letter.) What do you think,
Lizzie? Is it not clear enough? Caroline is perfectly convinced of her
brother’s indifference to me. I must have been mistaken in his affection.
Lydia
(Lizzie)
Lydia: Lizzie! Lizzie, have you admired my ring? Don’t you envy me?
Oh, I never gave you an account of my wedding, I believe.
(Lizzie): I think there cannot be too little said on the subject.
Lydia: La! You are so strange! But I must tell you how it went off. We
were married at St. Clement’s, and it was settled that we should all be
there by eleven o’clock. But then uncle was called away on some
business and I was certain we would be late! But then, I recollected
afterwards, if he had been prevented going, the wedding need not be put
off, for Mr. Darcy might have done as well.
(Lizzie): Mr. Darcy? Mr. Darcy was at your wedding?
Lydia: Oh, yes! He was to come there with Wickham, you know. But
gracious me! I quite forgot! I ought not to have said a word about it. I
promised! What will Wickham say? Do not tell him or he will be angry
– It was to be such a secret!
Mr. Bingley
Caroline
(Mrs. Gardiner)
(Lizzie)
Caroline is attempting to cut a silhouette portrait of her brother, while
he is trying to get information on Jane.
Mr. Bingley: Ah! Miss Bennet. I can’t tell you how glad I am to see you
after all this time.
Caroline: Charles, do turn to the side so I may cut your silhouette. Head
up please.
Mr. Bingley: (to Mrs. Gardiner) Miss Elizabeth’s sister Jane spoke very
fondly of you and Mr. Gardiner – said that you take her to stay with you
in London each spring.
Caroline: Will you keep your mouth closed, Charles?
(Mrs. Gardiner): Yes, Mr. Bingley. Jane was with us three months
together.
Mr. Bingley: Oh! Three months! Well, I must say, I wish I had known. I
was in town all that time quite miserable!
Caroline: Charles, please – you are making it very difficult for me to
capture you.
Mr. Bingley: Ask Darcy. I was quite out of sorts. From the 26th of
November when we were all dancing together at Netherfield. It is above
eight months. Two hundred and forty three days. Tell me, how is your
sister?
(Lizzie): I dare say she has been counting the days as you have, Mr.
Bingley.
Mr. Bingley: And is she still at Longbourn? For I heard she might have
some other attachment in the country by this time?
(Lizzie): No, she is at home.
Mr. Bingley: Ah. Did you know Miss Bennet was in town for three
months, Caroline?
Caroline: Yes of course, Charles. I’m sure I told you.
Mr. Bingley: You did not tell me.
Caroline: I’m certain I did tell you. But there is so much to do in town,
so many people coming and going – perhaps you forgot.
Mr. Bingley: I did not forget – I would certainly have called upon her
had I known. Darcy, did you know about this? Darcy!
Caroline: Lower your voice, Charles.
Charlotte
(Lizzie)
Charlotte: Mr. Collins has asked for my hand, and I have accepted him.
(Lizzie): You’re not serious?
Charlotte: Mr. Collins and I are engaged to be married.
(Lizzie): Engaged to Mr. Collins! My dear Charlotte, impossible!
Charlotte: Why should you be surprised? Because he did not succeed
with you? I am not romantic, you know; I never was. I ask only a
comfortable home; and I am convinced that my chance of happiness
with him is as fair as most people can boast.
(Lizzie): But Charlotte – what of love?
Charlotte: What of it? I have never felt it for any man to a great degree,
certainly not to the degree that one reads of in books.
(Lizzie): You would feel it, if you only waited to meet the right man!
Charlotte: And how much longer do you think it would be prudent for
me to wait?
(Lizzie): But I have always admired you for your good sense, your clearheadedness.
Charlotte: And it is because of this that I have accepted him. You must
see, Eliza, that an acceptance based on a clear head is at least equal to
one made by a foolish heart. Must relationships built upon lifelong
companionship and mutual help be naturally inferior to those that are the
work of an instant, a glance across a crowded room?
(Lizzie): Of course not… no, wait – yes!
Charlotte: And you think a superficial attraction has a greater chance
for success over a lifetime together? Or might it be more likely that a
man and woman brought together in an instant will grow apart? Eliza,
I’m sorry. I know you are angry – but I am doing my best to provide for
my own future. If you cannot respect me for it, it is my loss indeed, for
you are my dearest friend, and I would rather almost anything than
disappoint you.
(Lizzie): Fine. You have my blessing.
Charlotte: I don’t need your blessing. I didn’t come here to ask for it. I
only wanted to share my happiness.
(Lizzie): Oh Charlotte, I’m a thoughtless person. But –
Charlotte: But you will speak from the heart, and never against your
own conscience. And it is for this that I love you.