34 Days
Anita Waller
Copyright © 2016 Anita Waller
The right of Anita Waller to be identified as the Author of the Work has been asserted by her in
accordance Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
First published in 2016 by Bloodhound Books
Apart from any use permitted under UK copyright law, this publication may only be reproduced, stored, or
transmitted, in any form, or by any means, with prior permission in writing of the publisher or, in the case of
reprographic production, in accordance with the terms of licences issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency.
All characters in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is
purely coincidental
www.bloodhoundbooks.com
For my wonderful grandchildren – Brad, Katie, Dom,
Cerys, Melissa, Lyra and Isaac.
What is hell?
Hell is oneself,
Hell is alone, the other figures in it
Merely projections. There is nothing to escape from
And nothing to escape to. One is always alone.
The Cocktail Party (1950) act 1 sc.3
T.S.Eliot, 1888 - 1965
Chapter1
Monday 9 March 2015
Day One
‘Are the eggs done?’
Anna flinched as she heard the shout from upstairs, just as she flinched every morning at the sound
of Ray’s voice. This particular morning hadn’t started too well; she’d knocked over her first cup of coffee
and while she was cleaning that mishap she caught the edge of the sugar bowl, sending it shimmering
spectacularly all over the floor. As far as wedding anniversaries, this one was not proving brilliant.
Ray came downstairs as she confirmed his breakfast was indeed ready and they sat down to eat
after he had made a scathing comment about the stickiness of the tiles; he had no idea of her earlier traumas
and without saying a further word he handed her the cards they had received.
She developed instant post-natal depression. That was the only explanation for the frustration she
felt when she opened the first envelope to see the card that shouted in big, silver letters: To Mum and Dad
On Their Silver Wedding Anniversary. And it wasn’t really frustration, it was more frustrated amusement.
Caroline had written in her distinctive curly handwriting, 35 years! Amazing! and Anna wondered
yet again where her daughter’s head had been when she went to buy the card.
Anna passed it across to Ray. ‘Spot the non-deliberate mistake.’
He looked at the front of the card, opened it, and said, ‘She’s forgotten the kisses.’
She upgraded the post-natal to manic and reached for another card. As she slit the envelope, she
knew she didn’t really need to open it. It was from Ray; it would have roses on the front, and he would have
written, All my love, Ray xxx.
She was wrong. It said ‘Happy birthday, darling. All my love, Ray xxx.’ Caroline had got all her
genes from her father.
She passed Ray his card from her and watched as he opened it, read it without any of the words
registering, and laid it by his plate.
‘Very nice, Anna, very nice.’
The final card on the table was from their eldest, Mark. It had been written by his wife and it was
really quite normal. With much love to you both, from Mark, Jenny, Adam and Grace.
There was no card from Tim, their second son and twin brother of Mark. Just for a second sadness
touched her but she soon shook it off – this was Tim, after all. She had learned to accept Tim would always
be one of life’s mysteries and she loved him unconditionally no matter what he did. The lack of a card
didn’t mean he didn’t care, it just meant he hadn’t considered it important.
Anna gathered up the cards, moved into the lounge, and stood them on the sill of the bay window.
The bright, early morning April sunshine bounced off the silver lettering on Caroline’s card, and she smiled
before stroking it.
Their daughter had been born late in their lives, and they had always jokingly referred to her as
their little afterthought. The truth was she saved Anna’s sanity. Mark and Tim were fifteen years older than
Caro, and when Anna had realised she was pregnant, she was actually on the verge of leaving an abusive
marriage.
The pregnancy had temporarily stopped the beatings, but it also stopped all exit plans. The cards
standing on the window sill now seemed to mock that decision. She hadn’t loved Ray for years.
‘Bye, Anna!’
There was movement in the hall as he paused at the mirror to run a comb through his short, grey
hair, then the front door slammed as he left for work. Bye, Anna.
The tears that filled her eyes took her completely by surprise, and she swept the cards off the sill,
watching as they slid down the wall. Anger was building in her, and she forced herself to calm down by
picking up the cards and replacing them. She was not normally an angry person, and the uncharacteristic
action scared her a little.
A cup of tea didn’t help – and why should it? She didn’t really like the taste. It’s just the thing to do,
isn’t it? Have a cup of tea, and you’ll feel better. She put their few breakfast dishes into the bowl and stood for a
while, letting the warmth of the water soak into her hands as she stared out of the kitchen window. Her
head dropped, and her shoulder length, blonde hair fell forward on to her face; she allowed it to remain
like that, shielding the tears that were changing her blue eyes to grey. Anna felt strangely at odds with herself,
and the rest of the world on this early spring morning, and didn’t really know what to do about it.
It was while she was washing Ray’s mug – the one proclaiming him to be a Sheffield Wednesday
supporter– that she had her Damascus moment.
Anna wanted to be alone. She wanted to make her own decisions, pay her own bills, and vacuum
her own carpet. And wash her own dishes.
Her first tiny act of rebellion was to leave the dishes to drain. Ray always insisted they be dried
immediately, or the dishwasher be emptied before going to bed.
Her second act was to go into the office and switch on the computer. This in itself wasn’t an act
of rebellion as she used it every day to manage the business – but she had never used it to look for her own
accommodation before. There were many estate agents in the Lincoln area, and she automatically entered
”Lincoln Estate Agents” into the search engine, waiting patiently to see what it threw up.
She shook her head, going back to the beginning and entering “South Yorkshire Estate Agents.”
If she was to escape this existence, then her new existence had to be of her own making.
Many times in their married life they had ventured into God’s own county, and it had captivated
her. Maybe it was the flatness of the Lincolnshire countryside that had led her to appreciate the spectacular
beauty of the rolling hills around Sheffield and the cragginess and bleakness of the Peak District on its
doorstep. She knew her path lay in that direction.
Anna was quite stunned by the price of the accommodation on offer – so much cheaper than
Lincolnshire, so much more property for the amount of money she had. It soon became clear she would
be able to afford a three-bedroom house in Sheffield but only a tent in the Peak District.
She had a significant amount of money from the sale of her childhood home following her parents’
deaths, and Ray had decided they should save it for buying a gîte in France for their retirement. Well, she
was retiring right now from this marriage; decision made.
Her face, attractive even at this pre-make up hour of the morning, became animated as she rang a
few of the estate agents. She made appointments covering the next couple of days before ringing Charlie,
her long-time friend. Charlie lived in Doncaster, with her huge bear of a husband, his two children from
an earlier marriage, and three dogs. Anna guessed Charlie would be shocked when she learned of her plans,
but shocked or not, she suspected she would stand by her and totally support her.
‘Hey you! Couldn’t you sleep?’ Charlie’s voice lifted her spirits.
‘Hey you. It’s not that early is it?’ Anna glanced at the clock. ‘Oh my God, Charlie. It’s only half
past eight! Have I woken you?’
Charlie laughed. ‘No, you haven’t. I just don’t normally get telephone calls at this time in a morning.’
‘Well, I needed to talk. So sorry, but I’m not really. Have you got a spare bedroom for a night?’
‘Always. When do you want it?’
‘Tonight. Don’t worry if you can’t. I realise it’s short notice.’
‘Anna, I can always put you in the shed if we haven’t got a room.’
They both laughed. Dan’s shed was glorious but far from hotel accommodation.
‘Thank you. It’s just me.’
‘Good.’
‘Good?’
There was a brief pause. ‘I meant it would be lovely to see you on your own. We can have a good
catch up.’
‘Charlie…’ Anna counted to three and chickened out of saying anything further about her decision.
‘I’ll be there around midday. That OK?’
‘Looking forward to it. See you later.’
It was while Anna was sitting on the settee in her oh so perfect lounge – a side effect of owning a
building company – that it dawned on her what issues were already starting to accumulate. She picked up
her small mirror and smoothed the moisturiser on to her skin. The action was automatic, something she
did every day. Ray expected it of her. She put the rest of her make-up back in the zipped purse and thought,
Sod it.
The first of the issues was the children would not be best pleased. Mark, living some distance away
in Leicester, now seemed to be quite removed, not just in miles. Jenny, his wife, had cooled her relationship
with them, and they saw very little of Adam and Grace. She didn’t think for one minute Jenny would be
bothered about a Ray/Anna parting of the ways; her frostiness since she had married Mark had always
disturbed Anna, but Ray had shrugged it off saying it was just her imagination. However, Jenny had been
almost as much a daughter as Caroline, prior to the wedding day, and at times it really concerned her that
they rarely spoke. Mark, however, her first born twin, would probably arrive within a few hours to tell her
how stupid she was being.
She was not stupid.
Tim, currently sharing his life with Steve in Florida, would be far more laid back about it. He, too,
was a long way removed from them, yet her heart ached for him at odd moments, and she knew if he
actually turned against her, she would be devastated.
And then there was Caroline, her beautiful, scatter-brained, sensitive, loving daughter, who totally
belonged to Ray. From the second she was born, he enfolded her into his soul, and she had willingly
followed.
Anna had to send them letters. She would post them as soon as she had settled herself somewhere
to counteract any possible manipulations by anyone, and then sit back and wait for the fall out that would
have to come eventually. Telephone calls wouldn’t do it; they would be too difficult.
If briefly occurred to Anna she was being cowardly, but so what? Suddenly, she realised just how
much this new freedom could mean to her.
She could be a coward, she could be brave, or she could completely ignore all feelings.
But, she wasn’t free to ignore these feelings yet. She had to plan.
Ray had a temper that frequently surfaced, and when it did, it was scary. Anna had never known
him be abusive towards the children, partly because he worked long hours, and so didn’t see too much of
them in their younger years; yet, a number of episodes had occurred when she had seen, and felt, that
anger.
Anna had always explained the bruises away by saying all the usual things – walking into a door,
falling down stairs–classic phrases that anyone normal would have seen straight through.
She had stayed for the sake of the children, particularly Caroline. She had intended to leave Ray
when the boys reached eighteen, but by that time, she had had their three-year-old daughter.
Having Caroline softened Ray, and he seemed to get the temper under control, but Anna had spent
all their married life walking on eggshells. There was no doubt in her mind if she said she was leaving, he
would lash out at the nearest thing - her.
So the sensible thing to do was to leave him a note, write to the kids, and eventually speak with
Mark, Tim, and Caroline. She needed to disappear for a few weeks. She hoped Ray would get over his initial
anger by then, and she could safely contact the children.
Except, they weren’t children, were they? Caroline was now nineteen, and the twins were thirtyfour years old. Not children; adults with homes and families of their own.
The cards on the window sill seemed to mock her thoughts. Anna glared at them, knowing she was
being childish, and went upstairs to pack for the trip to Charlie’s.
She left a note on the table for Ray. Gone away for a couple of days, will contact soon. She climbed into
her Audi and left; Anna couldn’t resist one final glance back at the house in her rear view mirror. The
exultation hit her as she got on the A1, and she laughed aloud. She turned up the radio, listening as some
woman from Birmingham tried to answer more Popmaster questions than another woman from Grimsby.
Anna scored six on the first set of questions and nine on the second set, and felt in awe of Sarah from
Grimsby with her score of twenty-four.
The packing of a bag had turned into packing three large suitcases. Anna knew with certainty she
would never be returning. The original thought in her mind had been to spend a couple of days organising
some sort of accommodation then returning home to finalise her plans, but she realised pretty quickly once
she had left, nothing would bring her back. It wouldn’t be safe to return.
Charlie’s smile was wide as she opened the door and her arms. Her brown, curly hair was still wet
from a recent shower, and her grey eyes creased at the corner as she smiled to welcome Anna. Anna hugged
her and said, ‘Hey, I scored nine on pop master.’
She laughed. ‘Were the questions all on Rod Stewart hits?’
Anna gave her a small punch on the arm. ‘Cheeky.’
Dan walked down the hall towards her. ‘Yeah, if it isn’t my favourite Lincolnshire yellow belly.’ He
was a huge man, warm and welcoming, and he held open his arms. His dark brown hair was tied back into
a ponytail, so she guessed he had been working in his shed prior to her arrival. The brown eyes scrutinised
her face closely; she wondered if he saw the tiredness behind her eyes.
She reached up to kiss him, and his hug enveloped her.
‘Come in, sweetheart,’ he said. ‘We can’t stand on the doorstep all day. The neighbours will start
talking.’
He picked up the small overnight bag. Upon entering, Anna was engulfed by the love and warmth
emanating from their home. A beautiful quilt hung on the wall in the hall, and Anna couldn’t resist touching
it. The pattern was a wonderful melding of reds, creams, and greens, and toned effortlessly with the rich
cream of the carpet.
Charlie was a textile artist, and their home reflected her love of fabric. She worked out of a studio
at the end of the garden, and Anna envied her. Her own house was pristine. And boring. Charlie and Dan’s
detached property was a riot of colour and sensory feelings that she had never known. She would from
now on – she had always been denied the opportunity to stamp her own ideas on their home. That would
change.
The evening passed in such a carefree way, and she felt so relaxed – up to the point when her phone
trilled out Maggie May. She cancelled the call and returned it to her bag without commenting on the caller;
Ray.
Charlie raised her eyebrows and looked at her but said nothing. Anna casually lowered her hand
into her bag and switched the phone to silent mode. She took the proffered mug of cocoa from Charlie’s
outstretched hand and cradled it.
Then, Charlie’s landline rang.
Anna looked at her friend and gave a small shake of the head. Charlie nodded and pressed the
answering button. There was a small pause as she listened to the caller, and she said, ‘Ray! Lovely to hear
from you.’
There was another moment of silence. ‘Sorry, she’s not here. If she turns up, I’ll get her to ring
you, but she normally rings before dropping in on us.’
There was a further hiatus. ‘Bye Ray, if she contacts me, I’ll let her know you were trying to find
her.’
She disconnected the call, and, to her credit, asked no questions. Anna couldn’t expect to get away
with that for long.
Anna finished her cocoa, and stood. ‘It’s been a long day – I’ll head off to bed now, I think.’
‘Okay.’ Charlie turned towards her. Her round face was made even rounder by the smile she
directed at Anna. ‘Oh, by the way, happy anniversary.’
She recognised this as Charlie speak for, ‘We’ll talk tomorrow,’ and she simply nodded her head.
The bedroom was particularly cosy, decorated in greys of varying hues, with mint green accessories.
The quilt was grey satin, with touches of white, and again Anna couldn’t help but stroke it. Anna logged
the colour combination into her brain; this would be the colour scheme for one of her bedrooms when she
had a house.
She expected to lie awake into the early hours, but she read a couple of pages, switched off the
bedside lamp, and drifted off to sleep.
Chapter2
Tuesday 10 March 2015
Day Two
The sky was overcast next morning when she drew back the curtains, and Anna stood for a while gazing
out of the window. Although she wasn’t really aware of what she was doing, she was feeding thoughts into
her brain of what she hoped to have in her new home. It felt strange to keep mentally pushing Ray to one
side, and she knew she was kidding herself that this brave new life was going to simply be a matter of
deciding it was what she was going to do, and everything would be hunky dory.
Anna walked into the kitchen and was surprised to find Charlie there on her own.
‘Okay,’ she said, ‘time to talk.’
‘It’s not easy to begin a conversation when you don’t know what to say,’ Anna responded quietly.
‘Talk,’ she repeated.
‘I’ve left him,’ Anna said.
Charlie nodded slowly. ‘Well, that’s a start.’
Anna sat down at the round pine table, and Charlie handed her a mug of coffee.
Her brain turned to mush, and she ran her finger down the beaker, outlining the shape of the pig
which decorated it.
‘He let you walk away?’
‘He doesn’t know yet. I didn’t know till nine o’clock yesterday morning. When I rang you, my plan
was for just a couple of days away to see what I could do about accommodation, then go back home and
sort stuff. But, really, that’s not much of a possibility. If I go back, I’ll never leave. I know I won’t. So that’s
why I’ve arrived with all my worldly goods in the boot of the car.’
‘Oh my god!’
‘Look, don’t worry,’ she said to a shocked Charlie. Her eyes were like saucers. ‘I won’t be staying
here tonight, so you won’t be involved. Just keep telling him you haven’t seen me.’
As if on cue, Charlie’s phone rang. It was clear it was Ray. She was silent as she listened to him
speak and then she said, ‘Ray, stop worrying. I’m sure she’ll be in touch today, and as I said last night, if I
hear from her, I’ll ask her to ring you.’ There was another short lull in the conversation before she finished
with, ‘Okay, take care. Bye, Ray.’
Charlie stood with her back to Anna for a few moments then slowly turned around.
‘You have to contact him. He’s really worried.’
Anna stared into the cup of coffee, as if the pig beaker held all the answers. It didn’t.
‘Charlie, if he finds out where I am…’
‘He’ll hit you,’ she said softly. ‘Again.'
She nodded. She didn’t think she could speak. Anna had clearly fooled herself when she assumed
Charlie hadn’t realised what Ray was capable of.
‘I’ve always known,’ she said. ‘Why do you think we’re lying for you, covering for you now? And
before you ask, yes, Dan knows as well.’
Charlie put an arm around Anna’s shoulders and squeezed. ‘Tell us what you want us to do.’
*****
The estate agent led Anna from one room to another, explaining everything she needed to know. The
apartment was in the centre of Sheffield and available to rent. It overlooked the river, had its own balcony,
and she absolutely loved it. The master bedroom was really large and even the second bedroom would
comfortably take a double bed. The lounge was huge and open plan; Anna loved the kitchen that formed
part of the large space. The shower room was off the entrance hallway, and the whole thing was perfect
for her. They stood out on the balcony, watching the sun break through the murkiness, and she breathed a
sigh of contentment.
‘I want this one. No doubt at all. I liked the other one you showed me, but this is higher up the
building, and I love the view, the peace – oh everything. When would I be able to move in?’
He smiled at her enthusiasm. ‘I knew you’d like this one. You can be in here by next Monday, if
we crack on with the paperwork. Will that suit you?’
‘It most certainly will. Until then, I’ll be staying at the Hilton, but you can reach me on my mobile
phone. I can transfer any money you need back at your office. And if you can make it quicker...’
Anna shook his hand and said, ‘Let’s go back inside.’
She checked into the Hilton for the night, and rang Charlie who informed her she hadn’t heard any
more from Ray. They spent half an hour chatting about the new apartment. Charlie was a little bit stunned
by Anna taking on a property so quickly, but she explained it was only a six month let, as she intended on
looking for a house to buy during those six months.
‘Anna,’ Charlie laughed. ‘You’ve turned into a bit of a whirling dervish. This isn’t the Anna we
know and love, this is someone else! You amaze me.’
‘It had to be done.’
‘Absolutely,’ was Charlie’s response. ‘But, I think you’re living in a parallel universe, if you think
everything’s going to be this easy. There’s a small matter of the husband, to say nothing of three assorted
kids...’
Anna laughed. ‘Not really kids, Charlie.’
‘They’re your kids, and always will be. Age is irrelevant.’
She sighed. ‘I know. Just give me tonight to feel giddy about this new home, and I’ll tackle the
problems tomorrow.’
‘You’ll ring Ray?’
‘Yes.’
‘Promise?’
‘Promise.’
Anna rang off and studied the room service menu before ordering a sandwich and a drink. She
wasn’t hungry, but felt she should eat something – she really didn’t want to wake in the middle of the night
absolutely ravenous.
Her thoughts turned to Ray, and she wondered what he was thinking. Her note had been
ambiguous, and he was bound to be feeling out of control – a new sensation for him.
Anna’s feelings, however, were of being very much in control. She felt a growing sense of freedom
which was in part scary and in part so exciting she kept giggling. She had experienced two days of escapism
and liked it.