Public Affairs Qualification Course
Internal News Release
Internal News Story
During your first class in news writing you looked
at writing the two most important paragraphs in
the news story -- the lead and bridge. Now you
get to write the rest of the story.
This is where you can put all of your writing skills
together to communicate a complete message or set
of information. Doing this will help your command
meet its communications goals and objectives and its
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Internal News Release
Public Affairs Qualification Course
Review Leads & Bridge
Review leads
Review bridges
A. Summary lead = 1 paragraph, 1 sentence, 30
words or fewer.
A. Bridge = 1 paragraph, 1 sentence, 30 words or less
B. Summary lead = Who, What, When & Where at a
minimum; How and Why if appropriate.
C. Lead emphasis = most important W or H first.
Usually who or what is most important.
D. Impersonal who = job title and unit.
B. Expands on the lead. Contains at least one element
of WAITS.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
W's not included in the lead
Attribution
Identification
Tie back to a previous story
Secondary facts
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Public Affairs Qualification Course
Internal News Release
Organization
Produce in the body of your story what you promise
in the lead. The remainder of the story is written in
descending order of importance, using the inverted
pyramid. Ideally, after the lead and bridge, all or part
of the remainder of the story could be cut.
So, the most important information should be presented
in your lead, your bridge and the first few paragraphs
of the body. This allows layout staff to cut the story
from the bottom for space, without cutting important
information.
You organize the story by answering the questions
that are the most important to your readers first
(Rich, p. 172). You will need to include all relevant
information and facts. It's your job as a reporter to
present all the facts of a story. It's the editor's job
to cut as necessary. Organize like information
together, then organize the information in descending
order of importance.
When writing a news story you need to know that news
releases have no formal conclusion; they just end (Rich,
p. 32).
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Public Affairs Qualification Course
Attribution
Let's talk about attribution, how you cite sources for
information.
Reporters are not qualified to give their opinions
in hard news stories. Editors are unforgiving when
it comes to misquoting sources or not correctly
attributing information.
Attribution gives the source (person) or authority
(directives, regulations, etc.). It’s the reporter’s
responsibility to verify information and identification of
units and people, but if it doesn’t sound right, doublecheck (Rich, p. 40).
Reporters must attribute information they did not pick
up on their own (AP, p. 24).
Cite the source for anything that isn’t common
knowledge. Attribution is NOT needed for historically
true or commonplace information. Some examples
are America’s Independence Day is July 4 and
George Washington was the first president of
the United States. Some military examples are
unit activation dates, unit lineage dates, such as
important campaigns or battles and general fact
sheet information.
If someone has given you information that you are
using in your news story, you will need to identify
them and establish their credibility. Attribution is
used to identify persons whose opinions are being
printed. It allows the reader to judge the value of
the facts based on the prominence/authority of the
source. However, if in doubt, attribute. As one old,
journalism professor once said, “If you’re mother tells
you she loves you, you better get a source to prove
it." Although this is a bit facetious, the point is that we
must attribute what we do not observe or know to be
factual.
Some helpful tips in attributing are always to attribute
medical and legal information. Police reports can be
sources but they only confirm that some source – the
police, a victim, the suspect, a witness – said that
such-and-such occurred. It doesn't mean that he/she/
it actually did it (Rich, p. 40).
Some other basic rules for attribution are (Rich, p.
41) that the attributive verb goes at the end of the
sentence. What is said is more important than who
said it. When a paragraph is paraphrased information,
attribution should be at the end of the paragraph.
Use "said" or "says" for people. Pick one and stick with
it. But as stated “said” is preferred. Said usually says it
best. It's short, clear, neutral and unfailingly accurate, a
verb for all seasons (Cappon, p. 59).
Don't use "thinks," "feels" or other similar words for
attribution. You do not know what they actually think or
feel, you only know what they SAID.
Example: “I love my job,” said Joint Task Force
Wolverine Commander Army Gen. Bill Ostlund.
Only one source of information per paragraph. Don't
interject the interview into the story. For example, don’t
write, When asked about his new assignment, Jones
said, "...."' That interrupts the story and puts the writer
in it.
Use first-person pronouns, like I and me, only in direct
quotes. They denote the writer when used outside of
direct quotes. When paraphrasing a quote, use the third
person pronouns.
Never alter, or fabricate a quote. If you change
a quote, it must be paraphrased and taken out of
quotation marks. You must communicate the original
intent of the quote. Use “according to” for written
reports, regulations and web pages. You can use
“according to” in indirect (paraphrased) quotes.
However, it still comes after the information in the
quote. This is used mostly in editorials and features.
Now that you know how to quote, let's talk about what
quotes to use.
Quotes
Quotes put readers in touch with people as directly as
print can manage. Quotes add variety, authenticity and
a “voice” to news. Without quotes, a story is as barren
as the lunar landscape (Cappon, p. 65). Try to use them
sparingly. Just because someone says something,
doesn't mean it should be quoted. The art of handling
quotes comes down to knowing when to quote, when
to paraphrase and when to forget the whole thing
(Cappon, p. 66).
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Public Affairs Qualification Course
Internal News Release
Attribution (continued)
Quoted material should be something unique
or said uniquely. As an example, this isn't worth
quoting; “The duty day is from 0730 to 1630,” the
commander said.
Direct Quotes
A direct quote requires quotation marks and must
reflect the exact words as the speaker said them.
The most you can do is fix minor grammatical errors
and omit pure padding or meaningless repetition
(Cappon, pp. 65-66). An example would be: “Our
graduates serve both soldiers and the American
taxpayer,” Hobson said. “The public’s interest
must be our interest. There is no excuse for fiscal
irresponsibility. The public won’t accept it and neither
should we.” Notice the attribution goes at the end of
the first sentence.
Indirect Quotes or Paraphrases
long quotes that aren't really quotable. Paraphrasing
allows you to "clean up" the quote, to make it easier for
the reader to understand. An indirect quote example:
That's the power of the purse string in today's Army.
We need finance officers who can move materiel in a
fair and responsible manner, Hobson said. Notice the
attribution at the end of the paragraph.
Partial or Fragmentary Quotes
Quotes where only part of what the speaker said is
quoted verbatim. Use them rarely and only when
absolutely necessary. People will wonder what
the writer is leaving out. They interrupt the flow of
sentences and can be hard to interpret. An example
would be: Fiscal irresponsibility is unacceptable.
The school's graduates serve the military and the
public, whose "interest must be our interest," Hobson
said. Note that attribution remains at the end of the
paragraph.
You can change the words someone said, but you
must retain their intent. This is a good way to handle
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Public Affairs Qualification Course
Internal News Release
Writing Assignments
Now that we've talked about organization, attribution
and quotes, let's talk about some general rules for
the rest of your writing assignments.
Use information on the data sheet that does not
violate SAPP.
● Correct the built-in style,
grammar and punctuation errors.
● All names are spelled correctly on first reference.
● Stick with the factual information on the data sheet.
● Highlight the material as you use it, to help you
keep track.
● Review the organization of your story, and cut and
paste as necessary.
Some helpful reminders:
● Use the inverted pyramid to organize your story.
● Produce in the body what you promise in the lead.
● Lead emphasis leads off the lead.
● Use simple but strong words and write in the active
voice.
● Use subject-verb-object sentence structure.
● Limit sentences to 25-35 words, but vary in length.
● Use short, two- to three-sentence paragraphs, with
one idea per paragraph.
● Vary the beginnings of your paragraphs.
Allow yourself time to copy edit your story and check
the following:
● All facts, figures, numerals, dates and times.
● Grammar, punctuation and AP style.
● Individual hit lists and criteria listed on grade
sheets.
● Attribution.
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Public Affairs Qualification Course
Internal News Release
Conclusion
Many readers won't make it more than a few
paragraphs into your story. If you have readers who
are willing to invest the time to read your entire story,
you need to make it worth their time. If you have
information that your audience needs to know, they
won't get it if you don't deliver it in a well-written, easy
to read story.
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Public Affairs Qualification Course
Internal News Release
References and Additional Resources
Defense Information School, (2012) PALD Journalism Writing Guide, DINFOS
Cappon, Rene J., The Associated Press Guide to News Writing (3rd ed.), Thomson-Arco 2000
Associated Press, AP Stylebook and Briefing on Media Law. (46th ed.), The Associated Press, 2013
Rich, Carole, Writing and Reporting News (6th ed.), Wadsworth, 2010.
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