un a c a s a 16 a h o m e
(The doorbell rings. Loud and out of place. TOMÁS enters and heads to the door. ADRIANA follows.) ADRIANA Tomás! ¡No! Quítate de ahí! [Tomás! No! Get away from there.] (ADRIANA scoops TOMÁS away from the door. LUZ enters.) DJ I think he was just answering the door. ADRIANA No one opens that door. (The doorbell rings again. They all stop. ) DJ I can get it if you want – ADRIANA Sh!! ¡Cállate! [Quiet!] (Silence.) LUZ No podemos quedarnos aquí todo el día. [We can't just sit here all day.] ADRIANA Se iran, si nos quedamos callados. Luz, ¿Qué esta pasando? [If we're quiet, they'll go away. Luz, what’s happening?] LUZ Alguien llama a la puerta. [Someone is at the door.] ADRIANA Es su culpa. Él es el que lo hace. [It's his fault. He's the one doing it.] (Knocking on the door.) DJ Are you all in trouble? ADRIANA Not until you came. un a c a s a 17 a h o m e
I’m so sorry, I never meant – DJ ROSE Oh my God, all this kibitzing. A person’s gotta do everything herself around here! (SHE goes to the door and opens it.) (LUZ and ADRIANA react shocked to the door opening, seemingly on its own. Again, blinding white light fills the doorway and the figure of a woman is seen. It is LINDA, late 30s, dressed contemporary. She looks tired and works to keep her feelings restrained. SHE talks into the house to no one in particular.) LINDA Hello? I’m so sorry to bother you, but I’m looking for my husband. Dustin Schwartz? 40 years old. About this tall – dark hair. I have a picture here on my phone – (Beat.) DJ I’m here. (Beat.) LINDA Dustin? Is that you? DJ Yes. (To the others.) It’s OK. It’s my wife. (To LINDA.) It’s OK, honey. Come on in. (LINDA enters. Beat. LINDA stares at him.) I’m sorry. LINDA (Beat.) That’s it? DJ (Beat.) How did you find me? LINDA Search history. Google map, flight confirmation. You wouldn’t make a very good spy. un a c a s a 18 a h o m e
DJ (Beat.) Honey – LINDA Do you have any idea how scared I was? What the hell were you thinking?! After everything going on you just up and disappear?! (Another deeper voice joins DJ as DUSTIN, 40 years old, dressed in contemporary clothing, replaces DJ.) DUSTIN & DJ I know. I’m sorry. LINDA I woke up and you weren’t there – DUSTIN & DJ I know. LINDA You don’t do that! DUSTIN & DJ I know. (DUSTIN is the present-­‐day, grown up self of DJ. With the exception of ROSE, who is aware of both versions of DJ/DUSTIN, ALL else have only seen, in their minds, the contemporary DUSTIN, even when DJ was on stage earlier. Additionally, LINDA is only able to see LUZ, not ADRIANA, ROSE or TOMÁS.) DUSTIN I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Linda. LINDA All on the plane ride here I kept thinking I’m gonna have to start a non-­‐profit helping abused women to honor the dead memory of my college friend who went up in the world to first lady after playing Rizzo but then killed herself after learning her ex-­‐husband dumped her for the much younger Heather Locklear. ADRIANA Uno más loco que el otro. [One is crazier than the other.] un a c a s a 19 a h o m e
DUSTIN (Seeing LUZ’s confused looks.) It’s the plot of First Wives Club. She calms herself by using Diane Keaton film references. It’s kind of like Diane Keaton Tourette’s. ADRIANA ¿Quién es Diane Keaton? [Who is Diane Keaton?] LUZ Una actriz. [An actress.] LINDA (To LUZ.) Is this your house, ma’am? ADRIANA It’s my house. LINDA (Not hearing ADRIANA.) I said, “is this your house, ma’am?” LUZ No, it’s my sister’s. ADRIANA ¿Está sorda? [Is she deaf?] LINDA Well, thank you. I’m so sorry that we’ve…I’m so sorry. Dustin, it’s time to go. DUSTIN Go where? LINDA I booked a hotel on Hotel Circle. LUZ It’s not the Doubletree is it? LINDA I don’t think so. LUZ All I’m saying is a warm chocolate chip cookie doesn’t make everything better. DUSTIN I’m not going. un a c a s a 20 a h o m e
What do you mean you’re not going? I’m staying here. No no no. You are leaving. LINDA DUSTIN ADRIANA LUZ Mr. Schwartz – DUSTIN DJ. LINDA You haven’t been called DJ since you were a teenager. Dustin, let’s go. DUSTIN No. LINDA Dustin, please. DUSTIN I can’t leave now. LINDA I can’t do this now. I can’t. ADRIANA Whatever you are, we’ve been very generous up til now. Taking you in, feeding you – ROSE You haven’t fed him yet. ADRIANA -­‐ and honestly going beyond what most any other person would do for someone who forced their way into my house. ROSE (To DUSTIN.) She’s always been the more “fiery” one. LINDA Dustin? un a c a s a 21 a h o m e
ADRIANA We are two women alone and frankly, had you not passed out, I would have knocked your culo out on that street immediatamente. I believe that you were looking for your family’s house because when I found your wallet and looked through your bag– DUSTIN You looked through my bag? LINDA I haven’t touched your bag. ADRIANA There was a strange man collapsed in my entryway. I didn’t know what kind of crazy you were. You could’ve had a hatchet or a collection of human skins for all I knew. ROSE (Proving her point.) Fiery. ADRIANA I get that you think this is the house that your father lived in when he was little – DUSTIN It is. LINDA What is? ADRIANA -­‐ but that was in 1940 and things have changed. (Beat.) This isn’t your house. This is my house. And whoever you are, you need to go home now. With your wife to your home. (TOMÁS goes to the couch.) Tomás, ¡No te le acerques! [Get away from there!] (TOMÁS yanks his hand and pushes her away. HE holds DUSTIN’s hand.) ¿Qué haces? [What are you doing?] (TOMÁS looks at her. Beat.) No. (HE looks at her.) No. (Beat. She sighs.) Se pueden quedar. [They can stay.] LUZ ¿Qué? [What?] LINDA Oh, I didn’t say anything. ADRIANA Se quedan. [They’re staying.] un a c a s a 50 a h o m e
ACT TWO (The house’s walls are now no longer solid, but transparent with light able to shine through and, at times, the hints of candles and graffiti appearing beyond them. 1940. ROSE sings a Yiddish lullaby to a baby, DUSTIN’S father.) ROSE Rozhinkes mit mandlen, Raisins and almonds, Shlof-­‐zhe, Yidele, shlof. Sleep, Yidele, sleep. Ay-­‐li-­‐lu-­‐li-­‐lu. Ay-­‐li-­‐lu-­‐li-­‐lu. (DUSTIN’S GRANDFATHER, played by the actor playing DUSTIN, enters. HE is dressed in his foreman outfit from the tuna cannery where he works.) DUSTIN’S GRANDFATHER English, mom! He lives in America! ROSE English, mein pees. Eer Ayz A Schwartz. [English, my foot. He’s a Schwartz.] DUSTIN’S GRANDFATHER And the Schwartzes speak English, mama. ROSE You want him to forget his heritage? Where he came from? DUSTIN’S GRANDFATHER (Taking off his outfit.) He came from America. He was born right here in San Diego. ROSE San Diego. So his heritage is unruly sailors and the smell of fish. DUSTIN’S GRANDFATHER You want I should find another job? You not getting enough to eat? ROSE Tuna. We have plenty of tuna. DUSTIN’S GRANDFATHER Tuna is very good for you. un a c a s a 51 a h o m e
ROSE Ẕe eer vy toonpesh ziskeit? [Do you like tuna, sweetie?] DUSTIN’S GRANDFATHER English! Mama! ROSE He is the spitting image of your father. DUSTIN’S GRANDFATHER Because he’s bald? ROSE Because he’s handsome. That’s why. DUSTIN’S GRANDFATHER So why not the spitting image of me then? ROSE Handsome skips a generation. DUSTIN’S GRANDFATHER Well thank you very much. ROSE Zaynin neet eer a hadras punem, Shmuley. [Aren’t you a handsome one, Samuel.] DUSTIN’S GRANDFATHER Samuel, mom. Not Shmuley. ROSE Samuel sounds like an old man. DUSTIN’S GRANDFATHER You insisted we name him after a relative. He’s named after your great uncle Samuel. ROSE Who was an old man. DUSTIN’S GRANDFATHER Not when he was born. Don’t you want he should grow up to be an old man someday? un a c a s a 52 a h o m e
ROSE I’ll call him Samuel when he’s an old man. DUSTIN’S GRANDFATHER You’ll be dead. ROSE Not if I can help it. DUSTIN’S GRANDFATHER Come on. Give him to me. ROSE Don’t you think you should shower first? DUSTIN’S GRANDFATHER (Taking the baby from ROSE.) Naw. He’s just as stinky as I am, aren’t you, little man? Who’s a little tuna fish? You’re daddy’s little tuna fish aren’t you. Sweet little boy tuna. (LINDA enters carrying a diaper bag. 2013. ROSE hovers nearby, no longer part of the scene.) DUSTIN You’re daddy’s little, tuna fish, aren’t you little girl. Sweet little fishy baby girl. LINDA I don’t think it’s appropriate to call a baby girl tuna fish. I don’t think it’s actually appropriate to call any girl, regardless of age, anything fish related. Sets one up for a whole lifetime of psychological issues. DUSTIN You should talk. LINDA As should you. DUSTIN She is just so beautiful. LINDA I know. (The two stare at the baby.) un a c a s a 53 a h o m e
DUSTIN Did you get everything? They said just the essentials. And her sheep blanket? Her blanket’s right here. LINDA DUSTIN LINDA DUSTIN And you got the formula. They say it’s not good to switch formula on them, especially with her tummy troubles – LINDA I got it all. DUSTIN Do you want to hold her? LINDA (Beat.) No. DUSTIN (Beat.) Do you think she’ll remember us? LINDA Dustin, don’t. DUSTIN It’s not fair. LINDA I know. But we always knew that it was a possibility. The agency – DUSTIN The agency fucked us over, Linda. LINDA They didn’t fuck us over.