KatrinaUbell,MD: Welcomeback,everybody.Welcometoepisodefive.I'msoexcitedtobeherewith
youtoday.Ijustwantedtosharewithyouhowwehavebeensufferinginour
house.Thestomachfluhashitus.Noteveryoneinthehouse,butmosteverybody
nowhasbeenaffected,unfortunately.We'rejustworkingthroughthat.It'salways
funwhenyouhaveakidwhohastostayhomefromschool.Thatwasmethis
wholelastweek,isjusttryingtofigureitout.Workingmoms,wearemakingit
happen.Iswear,itissosadwhenyouhavejustlikealittletoddlerwhohasthe
stomachflu,isjustatthemercyoftheirbody.It'sjusttheworst.Myfriend,
seriouslytheotherdaywaslike,"Whydoesthestomachflualwayshitatnight?
Whyaretheyalwayspukingintheirbed?"Iwaslike,"Youknow,that'ssuchagood
question.Whyisthat?"Iwaslike,"Idon'tknow,maybebecauseweeatalldayand
thenwethrowitup?Idon'tknowtheanswer."Ifyouareaninfectiousdisease
specialistandyouknowtheanswertothat,pleaseputsomethingupontheshow
notespageandletusallknow,likefillusallinonwhyitislikethat.It'salwaysjust
theworsttobewokenuptothatsituation.
Heyyouguys,somelistenerstothispodcasthavebeenaskingmeabouthowthey
canworkwithmeone-on-one,andIhaven'ttalkedaboutthat.Ijustwantedto
makesurethatIanswerthatquestionhereforanyofyouwhoarealsointerested
inthat.ThewayIhavepeoplestarttoworkwithmeisIhavethemsetup
somethingcalledaminisession.Aminisessionisjustashort20-minutephonecall
betweenthetwoofusandwhatIdoonthereisIcoachyouononespecificissue
thatyou'rehaving.Itcanbeaboutyoureating,yourexercise,stresseating.Itcan
berelationshipstressthatmaybecausesyoutoovereat.
Noteverybodyisevenoverweight.Somepeoplearejustlike,look,Ijustwantto
stopthinkingaboutfoodallthetime.Myweightisgood,butIjusthavesomuch
brainchatteraboutthefoodconstantlyandI'dlovetoworkonthat.Icoachyoua
littlebitonthatandthen,onlyifyou'reinterested,attheendofthat,thenIcantell
youaboutmyprogram,ifitseemslikewe'reagoodfit,andhowtoworkwithme
one-on-one.Thiscallistotallyfree.There'snoobligationatall.It'sactuallyreally
nice.Wejustgettoknoweachother.Thelinktosetthatupwillbeintheshow
notesforthisepisodeandyoucanfindthoseatKatrinaUbellMD.com/5.
Let'sgettosomegreatcontenttoday.Todaywe'regoingtotalkaboutconfusion
becauseit'ssocommon.We'reallsoconfusedbecausethere'ssomuch
informationoutthere.Imean,theinternetisjustoverwhelming,justfactsand
factsandthensometimesthere'salternativefactsandthenit'slikewhatdowedo?
It'ssooverwhelming.Thisisthething:wehateitwhenourpatientsfindthingson
theinternetandthenletthatinformationderailtheminwhethertheytakeour
adviceornotorwhattheydecidetodofortheirparentingorthewaytheydecide
totakecareofthemselves.Thenweturnaroundtodotheexactsamething
ourselves.It'ssointeresting.Likeourfriendoffersustotrythisnewfaddiet,sowe
decideokay,we'regoingtotrythat,orwedecidetodoaWhole30challengeand
wegetsomeresults,butthenattheendofthe30dayswegorightoffofitand
thenjustgainthatweightthatwelostrightbackagain.
What'ssointerestingaboutchallengeslikethatarethatwe'rereallyonly
committedforashortamountoftime,like21daysor30days.Wemightseesome
results,butthenweimmediatelygobacktoeatingtheoldwaywhenthechallenge
isover.Andthenit'ssofascinatingbecausebydoingthatwe'rebasicallythinking
thatifwelosesomeweightonthechallenge,thenwecangobacktoouroldway
ofeatingwhichisovereatingandexpectdifferentresults.Weexpecttonotgain
thatweightback.Thensometimes,Ihearthisfrommyweightlossclientssooften,
thenwesay,"Oh,thechallengedidn'twork.IlostweightandthenIgaineditback
again."Weblametheprograminsteadofrecognizingthattheprogramtotally
worksifyoudoitandyoukeepondoingit,butonceyoustopdoingitofcourseit
doesn'tworkanymore.Itwasreallythechoicetostopdoingitthatgaveusthe
resultsthatwedon'twant.
Anotherthingthatwegetsoconfusedaboutiswhichfoodsweshouldeatandin
whichcombination:fiveorsixsmallmealsaday,highfat/lowcarb,lowfat/calorie
restricted,vegan,vegetarian,paleo,5/2orsomeotherkindofintermittentfasting,
andthenaddingalltherecommendationsallovertheplaceaboutthesuperfoods
thataremostimportantthataregoingtokeepusthehealthiestandprevent
cancer,tryingtofigureoutawaytofitthosein.Anothermajorconfusionareais
howtoexercise.Shouldweevenexercisewhilewe'retryingtoloseweight?Ifso,
whichexerciseandforhowlong?Thenwhattimeadayisbest?ShouldIeatbefore
orafterexercising?Howdoesthissmoothieplayintothat?There'ssomany
differentdecisionstomake.
ButwhatIfindsointerestingaboutthewholeprocessishowwedon'ttapintoour
innerwisdomatallhere.Wepretendlikeweknownothingaboutourbodiesorour
lives.It'slikelearnedhelplessness.“There'snowayIcouldpossiblybeableto
figureouthowtoloseweight,soIneedsomebodytotellmeexactlywhattodo.”
ThisresonateswithmesomuchbecausethisisprettymuchwhereIwaswhenI
foundtheworkthathelpedmetoloseweight,whichiswhatIteachnow.Iwas
approaching40yearsold,IhadaboutayearandahalfpriordecidedthatIwanted
tobetotallyfitandhealthyenteringintomy40s,butofcourseIhadactually
gottenheavierduringthattime.IhadallkindsofevidenceforwhyIcouldn'tlose
weightorexerciseregularly.SomeofthemwerelikeIhavetoomanykids.Mywork
istoodemanding.Idon'thaveenoughflexibilityatmyjob.Ialreadydon'tsleep
enough.NowI'msupposedtogetupearlytoexercise?Howisthatevergoingto
happen?Justtotallyindulginginconfusion.ThenIstartedtowonderifthiswasjust
partoftheagingprocessandthatIshouldjustmaybenotfightit.Insteadof
fightingit,Ijustmaybeneededtoworkonacceptingitasjustinevitableasyouage.
Thethingis,whenwehavesomanyoptions,it'ssoeasytogetreallyconfusedand
tonotknowwhotobelieveandtotrysomethingforacoupleofdaysandthen
whenthatseemsuncomfortableorwedon'tseeinstantresults,thenwequit,go
backtotheoldwaysofeatingordecidemaybetotrysomethingelse,butusually
wequit.ThinkaboutgoingonPinterest.Theoptionsforrecipesareendless,like
literallyendless.Youhavenoideawhichonesaregood,whichonesyoushouldtry.
Theyalllookamazing.IhavedefinitelyhadPinterestduds.Idon'tknowifyouguys
havewhereyouarelike“thatlooksamazing”andyoumakeitandyou'relike“oh
mygod,disgusting.”WhatIwouldbasicallydoiscollectalltheserecipesonmy
Pinterestboard,atthetimetellingmyselfthatI'dtrythemoneday.AndIamgoing
togetmyacttogetheronceIhaveenoughrecipes,thenIcandothis.ThenI'd
neveractuallydoit.
Thisistheironicthing,ifIhadusedthetimethatIspentsearchingforrecipesina
differentway,Itotallycouldhavegotteninagoodworkoutorgonetobedearlier
tocatchuponsleepbecausemybigstorylinetomyselfwasthatIwastootired.I
couldhavecaughtuponsomehouseworkthatIalwaysfeltbehindon.It'sjustso
importanttolookatthatconfusionandseehowitpermeatesourlivesand
paralyzesus.
Confusionisoneoftheindulgentemotions.WhatImeanbythatisthatweliketo
indulgeinit.WhenIsaythat,youmightbethinking,“Actuallyno.Idon'tlike
feelingconfusedatall.Howisthatindulgent?”Butitreallyisbecausetheonlyway
youcanbeconfusedisifyoudon'tmakeadecision.Onceadecisionismade,itcan
bereallyscaryandmoreuncomfortablebecausethatmeansweactuallyhavetodo
somethingnow.Wehavetodosomethingnew,somethingoutoftheordinary,
somethingthatprobablyisgoingtocauseussomediscomfort.Itactuallycanbe
morecomfortabletojuststayinconfusionbecausethenweneveractuallyhaveto
takeaction.ThethingaboutconfusionthatIwantyoutoknowisthatit'salwaysa
lie.
ThisishowIknowit'salie.Sayyouwereconfusedaboutwhicheatingplanyou're
goingtofollowandthenItellyouthatifyoudon'tmakeadecisionandcommitto
oneeatingplanforthenextthreemonthsI'mgoingtocutyourthumboff.You
knowyou'dbemakingadecisionimmediatelyandstickingtoit.Youweren'treally
confused,youwerejustindulginginconfusionsoyoudidn'thavetotakeaction
andmoveaheadwithanything.Therearetimes,likesometimesweareactually
confusedbecausewetrulyneedmoreinformationorweneedsomething
explainedtousmoreclearly,butifyoureachoutandgettheinformationorthe
explanation,thenyou'releavingconfusionbecauseyounowknowwhatyou
neededtoknow.Thenyouhavetotakesomeaction,butifyouindulgein
confusionanddon'tmoveaheadwithobtainingthatinformation,thenyoudon't
havetodoanything,butyou'realsonotgoingtoseeresults.Ifyouneedthat
informationorexplanation,youdon'thavetogetconfused.Whatyouneedisto
getmotivatedsoyoucangoaheadandaskforwhatyouneedsoyoucanmove
aheadandmoveforwardwithyourgoals.
Ifyoufindyourselfinconfusionandyoudon'tknowhowtogetyourselfoutofit,
askyourselfthisquestion:ifIdidknowwhatIwassupposedtodo,whatwouldit
be?Thefirstthingthatmightcomeupis:no,butIdon'tknow.Thenyoujustask
yourselfagain,butifyoudidknow,whatwoulditbe?It'samazinghowoftenwe
cancomeupwithananswer.It'slikeonceyouopenupthedoorinyourbraintoa
possibilityofasolutionratherthanbeingjustlockeddownandblockedwithIdon't
knowandconfusion,thenyourbraincomesupwithreallygoodsolutionspretty
muchrightaway.
Often,theconfusionweexperienceisadistractionfromdeeperemotionsthatwe
don'twanttofeel.Wedon'twanttofeellikeafailureifwedecidetostartan
eatingplanandthenquit.Wedon'twanttofeelhumiliatedifwepickanexercise
andthencan'tdoitorendupbeingtheheaviestpersonintheclass.Wedon'twant
tofeeldeprivedwhenwewanttoovereattoneutralizeourothernegative
emotions,butaren'tallowedtoonoureatingplan.Asmuchasconfusioncanbe
uncomfortable,mostofuswouldagreethatfailure,humiliation,anddeprivation
feelworse.Wedon'twanttotakeachanceonfeelingthosefeelings,sowe'lljust
indulgeinthediscomfortofconfusion.
Anotherwaythatconfusionshowsupinourlivesisthroughindecisiveness.Ihear
thatallthetime.Somanypeopleidentifywithbeingindecisive.I'mjustan
indecisiveperson,likeit'sinnatelyinyourgeneticcodeorsomething.Orpeople
say,"I'mfromanindecisivefamily,"buttheonlyreasonyou'reanindecisiveperson
isbecauseyouhavethehabitofbeingindecisive.You'vebasicallyallowedyourself
tobeconfusedaboutdecision-makingforsolongandsooftenthatyou'veadapted
itintoyourpersonalityaskindofjusthowyouroll.Allofthatisindulgence.Itreally
feelsprotective.It'spartofyouridentity.Ifyoucan'tdecideonsomething,then
youdon'thavetofindoutthatyoumadethewrongdecision.Ratherthanknowing
thatatleastsomeofthetimeyou'llmaketherightdecisionandactuallybenefit
fromthat,youjustletyourselfdownaheadoftimebystayinginconfusion.Then,
nothingbadorgoodcanhappen.Doyouseethat?You'reactuallypreventing
yourselffromhavingsomegoodexperiencesorgoodresults.
Whenyounoticeyourselfspinninginindecisionorconfusion,that'sagreat
opportunityforathoughtdownload.Whatyoudoforthat,justareminder,you
writeortypeoutallthereasonswhyyou'reconfusedandwhyyoucan'tmakea
decisionsothatyoucanmoveforward.Thenyoulookateachreason.Youcanask
yourself,"Isitreallytrue?WhatwillitcostmeifIcontinuetoindulgein
confusion?"IfindsooftenthatonceIgetoutallthethoughtsthatarebouncing
aroundinmyheadlikeapinballontothepaperorontomycomputerscreen,Ican
usemybraininadifferentwaytoproblemsolve.Thisisthething:asdoctors,we
arehighlyskilledatsolvingproblems.Wedoitalldaylong.Whatwe'redoinghere
iswe'rethenutilizingthatskilltohelpusmoveforwardsothatwefeeldrivento
taketheactionsweneedtotaketostartlosingweight.
Ijustwanttomakesureyouguysknowthatyoucanabsolutelydoallofthiswork
onyourown.Thisisforsuresomethingthatyou,withenougheffortand
persistenceandperseverance,canmakegreatstrideswith.Thismightbejustall
youneedtojustgetyououtofthatconfusionandgetyougoing,doingthatplan
thatyou'vealreadydecidedthatyouwanttodo.Butifyou'renotquitethereyet,it
reallyissomucheasiertodothisworkwhenyouworkwithsomeoneelsewho's
objectiveandskilledatfacilitatingtheprocess.It'ssomeonewhodoesn'tletyou
useyourexcuses,kindofcallsyouonyourBSalittlebit.That'swhatIdoasa
coach.Ihelpyoutodevelopthisskillforyourselfsothatoncewe'redoneworking
together,youknowhowtoalwaysbringyourselfoutofconfusionandindecision
andmoveforwardonyourgoals.
OneofthebestpartsIpersonallythinkaboutthisisthatonceyouknowtheseskills
andyou'veappliedthemandreallyincorporatedthemintothewayyoushowupin
theworld,thenifyouhavekids,youcaneventeachtheseskillstoyourkidssothey
don'thavetosufferfordecadesuntiltheyfigureitoutforthemselvesorsomeone
teachesittothembecausenobody'steachingusthisstuffwhenwe'reyoungerand
learninghowtoadult.It'sreallyatotalwin-win.
Ijustwanttoencourageyoutoconsiderthatminisessionwithme.Wecanjustget
toknoweachotheralittlebitandI'llmakesureyougetsomegoodhelp.There's
neveranyobligationtosignupforanythingelseifit'snotforyou.Youguyshavea
wonderful,wonderfulhealthyweek.Ihopenobodyelseisstrugglingtogethealthy
likeweare.I'lltalktoyouguysnexttime.Takecare,bye-bye.