November / December 2015 - Vol 27, No. 6
WINDY HILL WHISPERS
Newsletter of EBP Sports Bowling Club. Doris Ave., EARLWOOD
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PRESIDENTS’ MESSAGE
It is with heavy heart that I have to report that this will be my last President's Message,
and December will be my last month as President, and an active member of EBP Sports
Bowls Club, as my wife and I are retiring at the end of December and moving to
Queensland. My daughter, son in law and four grandchildren are already living there,
and we would like to be close to them for our remaining years. I am having second
thoughts though, because I have researched the bowls club nearest my new home, and
if I join them, I believe I will become a "Scrounger", as that's what they call
themselves,” The North Ipswich Scroungers”.
I have enjoyed the honour of being the President of this club for two and a half years,
and I my only regret is that I retire without having succeeded in leaving the Club in
better shape than it was when I became President. The tiff dwarf green currently being
installed is a result of the hard work of the rest of the committee, namely Graeme
Ashley, Michael Griffith and John Nicholl. Thanks to them, a new era in this club will
begin early next year.
I want to thank all of the committee for supporting me throughout the years, the RSL
Club Board for their ongoing support, and I want to particularly thank Bob Fenton, our
vice president for agreeing to step into my shoes and leading this club until the
elections in mid-year. I can think of no better person to take my place, should he
choose to stand for the office in those elections.
Bur enough about me. I am happy to report that we are two steps closer to taking out
the Summer Shield, as our bowlers managed to bring home a 6-2 victory last weekend
against Double Bay, and it appears we now only need to take 2 points from Ashfield
next Saturday in order to face-off against Bronte for the Shield. Good luck to all the
bowlers participating next week (and hopefully the following week too).
I also hear that Les Warner and Bev Patterson have triumphed over Pat Stembridge and
Ruth Nicholl in the Mixed Pairs final, our last competition for the year.
Congratulations, Bev and Les, and commiserations to Ruth and Pat.
It only remains for me to wish each and every one of you a Merry Christmas and a
happy and prosperous New Year, and I look forward to watching this club grow from
afar.
Good Bowling, everyone.
Tom Beldi
MEN’S BOWLS REPORT:
Mixed Pairs:
On Sunday 22 November, Bev Paterson and Les Warner took out the final of the Mixed
Pairs defeating Ruth Nicholl and Pat Stembridge by 22 shots to 15. Les and Bev took an
early, commanding lead, were pegged back by Ruth and Pat and then broke away again
to see the match out to its conclusion.
Summer Shield:
At the date of writing, EBP are at the top of our section having played 4 matches,
winning three and drawing one.
Matches so far:
Def. Eastlakes (Away), 6 - 2; Def. Double Bay (Away), 8 - 0; vs Ashfield (Home), match
drawn 4 - 4; Def Double Bay (Home) 6 -2
Just 2 points from our next game at Ashfield on 28 November would see us retain top
spot and set us up for a match against Bronte to determine the winner of the Shield.
MEN’S BOWLS RESULTS:
2015 Club Championships (All Competitions):
MAJOR SINGLES
WINNER
Michael Griffith
31
RUNNER UP
John Nicholl
29
MAJOR PAIRS
WINNER
Ron McDonald
John Nicholl
RUNNER UP
Warren O'Shea
16 Les Warner
15
TRIPLES
WINNER
Tom Beldi
David Gearin
Terry Buckley
RUNNER UP
Jack Gearin
Paul White
9 Bob Fenton
2
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MEN’S BOWLS RESULTS:
2015 Club Championships (All Competitions):
FOURS
WINNER
Bob Maiorana
John Threlfo
Steve Stojanovic
George Pappas
RUNNER UP
Barry Green
Bill Wrightson
Tom Beldi
19 Bob Fenton
16
MINOR SINGLES
WINNER
George Petropoulos
RUNNER UP
31 Vince Occhipinti
8
MINOR PAIRS
WINNER
Chris Gatsos
George Petropoulos
RUNNER UP
Paul White
17 Graeme Ashley
15
MAJOR MINOR PAIRS
WINNER
Chris Gatsos
Pat Stembridge
RUNNER UP
Garry Bennett
23 Graeme Ashley
13
CONSISTENCY
WINNER
John Nicholl
RUNNER UP
150 Graeme Ashley
135
MIXED PAIRS
WINNER
Bev Paterson
Les Warner
RUNNER UP
Ruth Nicholl
22 Pat Stembridge
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LADIES BOWLS REPORT:
Girls, there is not too much happening at the moment.
Consistency final between Joy McEvoy and Michelle Rumphorst had
to be abandoned due to the heat on Thursday 19 th. Suddenly the
weather went from cold and wet, to soaring temperatures. We await
the final result of this with bated breath.
Out of the hat fours will be on next week. Please all make sure you
turn up for this event.
It is really great to see Pat James back bowling after a long medical
stint. It is wonderful to see your smiling face Pat, and may your
prognosis be amazing.
Our Xmas party is on in December – 10th. We expect to see all in your
finest attire, with bells and antlers etc. Prior to that, Noreen
Mumford will be running a Xmas table on the 3rd. It is a good chance
to pick up some bits and pieces for Christmas and to reward Noreen
for all her efforts throughout the year.
Don’t forget we have a hamper we are trying to fill. Bring something
along to drop in there next week please ladies.
I have stopped doing twilight, as I think most people realise. The turn
-up was not worth my coming from Ramsgate. Sorry, as I enjoyed
doing it, but not for 4 or 5 people.
This is our last newsletter before Christmas, and I would like to thank
Bob Fenton for taking over the task of producing this from me. I think
you have done a fabulous job Bob. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
Our calendar for next year will be given to us at Xmas.
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU AND
YOUR FAMILIES.
Elana Ashley
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On the lighter side..............................
20 fun things to do in a lift:
1)
Greet everyone getting into the lift with a warm handshake and ask
them to call you Admiral.
2)
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall without
getting out.
3)
Meow occasionally
4)
Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while and then announce:
"I've got new socks on!"
5)
Say "Ding!" at each floor.
6)
Listen to the lift walls with a stethoscope.
7)
Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop and glare at the other
passengers like they are crazy.
8)
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
9)
Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
10) Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
11) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other
passengers that this is your "personal space."
12) Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
13) When the doors close, announce, "Don't worry, they'll open again
soon."
14) Enforce a group hug.
15) When you get out of the lift, whisper to the others who stayed on, "I'd
get off the lift NOW if I were you."
16) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of
THEM!" and move to the far corner of the lift.
17) Start a sing-along.
18) Offer name tags to everyone getting into the lift - wear yours
upside-down.
19) When there is only one other person in the lift, tap them on the
shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
20) Open your bag/purse slightly and say, “Do you have enough air in
there?”.
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A young golfer decided he just had time to sneak in nine holes before going home.
As he was about to tee off an elderly golfer asked if he could join him. Not wishing
to be rude, the young man agreed and off they went.
To his surprise, the senior moved quite well. He didn’t hit far but walked fast
between shots. On the last hole the young man pulled his drive and it went into
the rough behind a 7-metre tree. He suggested he punch it out, but the senior
said: “When I was your age I could hit it over the top of that tree”
Accepting the challenge, the young man took out a 7-iron, took a hefty swing and
hit the top of the tree.
As they walked away the old man said: Of course, when I was you age the tree was
only 2 metres tall”.
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A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.
The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to
slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a
week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great!
I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up,
raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off,
and ravaged me right there on the table!" The doctor says, "I’m sorry, we didn’t
realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any
damages." "Nah," she says, "that's okay. We're never going back to that restaurant
anyway."
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A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when he passed
a policeman who said, "Now, now young lad, I think you had better take that
monkey to the zoo." The next day, the boy was walking down the road with the
monkey on his shoulder again, when he passed the same policeman. The
policeman said, "Hey there, I thought I told you to take that money to the zoo!"
The boy answered, "I did! Today I'm taking him to the cinema."
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A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor
queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
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Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby
that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down fuming.
She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says,
"You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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A 92 year old man is walking through a park and sees a talking frog. He picks up the
frog and the frogs says, “If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess and be
yours for a week.” The old man puts the frog in his pocket. The frog screams,
“Hey if you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess and make love to you for a
whole month.” The old man looks at the frog and says, “At my age I’d rather have
a talking frog.”
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Two men broke into a pharmacy and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert
to be on the lookout for two hardened criminals.
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A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but
says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk
continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin'! There's no paper on this side either!"
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Q: Why do Mexicans eat beans for dinner?
A: So they can take bubble baths.
Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
A: "Put it on my bill."
Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A: In case he got a hole in one.
Q: You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp
drop off, and on your left side is an elephant travelling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to
overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
A: Get your drunken arse off the merry-go-round!
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2015 BOWLS CALENDAR - UPCOMING EVENTS
Gentlemen
Ladies
Saturday 28 November
Summer Shield vs Ashfield (away)
Thursday 10 December
Xmas Party
Saturday 12 December
Presentation Day
Note: if members would like to contribute any items of interest, articles, humour, photos,
etc for future editions of this newsletter, please send to Bob Fenton via e-mail:
[email protected] and don’t forget to check out the Club’s website for all the
latest news, announcements and results. You will find us at :
http://www.ebpsports.bowls.com.au/
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