Active Listening
April 2015 , ½ Hour
Why Develop Our Listening Skills?
“Really listening &
suspending one’s
judgment is
necessary in
order to understand other
people on their
own terms…This
is a process that
requires trust &
builds trust.”
—Mary Field
Belenky
For many years in Pennsylvania we have been guided by the principles of Positive
Approaches. Two of the basic assumptions of this paradigm are: People have good
reasons for doing what they’re doing and People do the best they can with the
knowledge, skills, and abilities they have at the time. By developing our listening skills,
we have a better chance to determine what a person’s “good reasons” are when they do
something we find puzzling or challenging. We also will be better able to identify what the
person might need to know or learn in order to make better choices.
We spend 80% of our waking hours communicating, and almost half of that time is spent
listening. We listen to others in order to receive information and learn from others’
experiences, to show empathy toward another, and because we typically enjoy the social
interaction.
Being a Good Listener Can Be Difficult
There are four stages to listening. First, we hear the message. The
sound waves enter our ear canal where the parts of the middle & inner
ear translate the sound waves into impulses that are carried to our
brain via nerves. Our brain then interprets those sound waves as
actual words. After that, we evaluate the message to determine what, if
any, meaning it has for us and whether and how we should respond to
the message. Studies have shown that most of us only retain about
50% of what is said to us. Within two days, we retain only half of that,
so statistically speaking, we only remember about a quarter of what we
hear!
There are many reasons why it can be difficult to listen. We lead busy lives and often find it difficult to put
aside all of things we have to keep track of in order o focus exclusively on what someone is saying. The
human brain has the ability to hear & understand 400-600 words per minute, yet the average rate of speech
is only 125 words per minute, so we have plenty of brain power left over to distract our thoughts. We
sometimes put a lot of pressure on ourselves to give good advice or solve the person’s problems and find our
thoughts wandering ahead of the speaker to what we plan to say next. It is also more difficult to focus on
listening if we are uncomfortable with or disinterested in the topic. Listening can be particular difficult when
we are tired, hungry, or ill, as we may not have the mental energy to focus solely on the speaker. When we
have difficulty relating to the speaker, and don’t seem to have much in common with him or her, we might
struggle to listen actively. We might also struggle if we find the speaker either very attractive or very
unattractive.
Since 1969, Milestone Centers, Inc. has provided programs and services to people with developmental and behavioral health challenges.
Active Listening | Page 2
HCQU Northwest
Activity: Your Best Listener
Take a moment to think about the person in your life who is/was your best listener. It may be a family member
or friend, a teacher or a co-worker. Think about what they did that made them a good listener. Be specific.
For example, if they paid attention, think about what they did that let you know they were paying attention (i.e.
making eye contact). Write down some of your answers in the space below.
Think about how you would respond to the following:
One of the things I most appreciated about the time I
spent with my best listener is that he/she made me
feel _______________________.
Good Listening Skills
The most important listening skill for us to practice is simply paying attention. Although this sounds easy
enough, it can be challenging at times. In order to pay attention, one must make a deliberate effort to tune out
both external and internal distractions. Finding a private place to talk and turning off phones, radios, televisions, etc. are some basic ways to address potential external distractions. Internal distractions can be more
difficult to manage. It often requires a deliberate effort to focus exclusively on the speaker and tune out all the
other thoughts that may vie for our attention while we are listening.
In the previous activity, you probably identified some ways to show you are listening. Usually, it’s best to face
the person and maintain good eye contact. Use your facial expressions to respond to what the person is
saying. Another non-verbal way to show interest is to lean slightly toward the person.
Try not to interrupt the person — a nod or a simple “uh-huh” may be all it takes to
encourage him or her to continue talking. Sometimes all people need is to “let off
steam” and to know that someone cares enough to give them some time and
attention. Time is key — try not to rush the person with your words or actions.
It is also important that we remember why we are listening. Stephen R. Covey
said, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the
intent to reply.” Our primary goal as a listener is to make the person feel heard and
understood. A good way to check our understanding is to periodically paraphrase
— repeat back to the person what we think they are saying and feeling. Asking
questions, either to clarify something that was said or to request additional
information, is another way to check in with the person. Not only does this allow us
to make sure we are understanding the person, it also shows him or her that we
are listening and we really want to understand.
HCQU Northwest
Active Listening | Page 3
Active listening is listening to and confirming our understanding of what another person says, as well as
connecting with the emotions / feelings that underlie the message. People often need the support of a good
listener when they are struggling with something that triggers a strong emotional response. When we recognize the person’s emotional response by simply reflecting it back to them (ex. “It sounds like it really hurt your
feelings when she said that.”) we are also validating it. When we paraphrase, we have the opportunity to
“launder” the person’s volatile language and model a more socially acceptable means of expression.
It is important that our responses are non-judgmental — it is okay for people to feel whatever they feel. If we
want people to keep talking to us, the relationship needs to be safe for them to confide in us without fear of
repercussions. Although it’s typically done out a desire to help, giving advice that is not wanted / asked for
can sometimes be perceived by the speaker as judgmental.
While validating the person’s emotions is a necessary part of the listening response, people can sometimes
get stuck in their emotional reactions. This can make it difficult to move on to actually problem-solving the
situation. Part of the listeners responsibility is to help the speaker gain perspective. Helping the person focus
on the future can help get them unstuck (ex. “What do you think you might do differently if this ever happens
again?”). As you paraphrase and ask questions, try to help the person begin to focus on what’s right in the
situation, vs. who’s right.
When You Struggle
It is important to remember to take your cues from the speaker. For
example, although maintaining eye contact is preferable in most
instances, for a person with an Autism Spectrum Disorder, eye
contact may actually be uncomfortable and therefore, undesirable.
While talking “face to face” may be best, people may find it easier to
talk — especially about difficult subjects — when parallel to the
listener (on a park bench, riding in a car, etc.).
If you find yourself struggling to be a good listener, try to focus on
doing things that good listeners do. For example, if your thoughts
begin to wander, try to focus on listening to paraphrase what the
speaker is saying. If you find yourself distracted by things in the
environment, try to re-position yourself so that you are unable to
see the distractions. If need be, close the door or ask the person if it
would be okay to talk elsewhere if you cannot escape distractions in
the current environment.
“Listening is a positive
act: you have to put
yourself out to do it.”
—David Hockney
Effective listening takes a great deal of energy — there’s a reason it’s called “Active” Listening! It’s not
uncommon to feel tired or “drained” afterward. Making sure the person feels heard and understood requires
engagement on the part of the listener. We cannot remain passive and expect the speaker to continue to talk
if we do nothing to encourage and reassure the person that what he or she is saying matters to us. We must
constantly be paying attention to the process of listening as well as the person .
Earlier, you were asked to think about how it felt spending time with your best listener. Your responses may
have been similar to those of many others: safe, special, capable, encouraged, important, accepted,
empowered, worthy, and connected, to name a few. Isn’t this what we really mean when we talk about
building EveryDay Lives? If our best listener made us feel safe, capable, and connected, doesn’t it make
sense that being a good listener can do the same for the people we support?
MilestonePA.org
HCQU Northwest
Active Listening Test
Name: ___________________________
Job Title: _________________________
Agency: __________________________
Date: ______________________
Please provide contact information (email address, fax number, or mailing address) where you would like
your certificate to be sent:
_______________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________________
You must submit your completed test, with at least a score of 80%, to receive ½ hour of training credit for
this course.

To submit via fax, please fax the test and evaluation to 814-728-8887. Please fax only the test and evaluation, not the entire training packet.

To submit via email, please send an email to [email protected]. Please put “Active Listening
Test” in the subject line, and the numbers 1 - 5 along with your answers to the test questions (and to the
evaluation, if you would like to leave your feedback) in the body of the email, OR scan the test and evaluations pages and email as attachments. Please list your agency and your job title/role, as well.

To submit via mail, send the test and evaluation pages to Milestone HCQU NW, 247 Hospital Drive,
Warren PA 16365.
Knowledge Assessment:
1. The most important listening skill for us to practice is giving advice.
True
False
2. Internal distractions are usually harder to manage than external distractions.
True
False
3. Paraphrasing involves repeating back to the person what we think they are saying and feeling.
True
False
True
False
5. It is easier for people to talk about difficult subjects when face-to-face with the listener.
True
False
4. Part of the listener’s responsibility is to help the speaker gain perspective.
MilestonePA.org
HCQU Northwest
Home Study Evaluation
Training Title: Active Listening
Date:
□ Provider Administrator/
□ Direct Support Professional
Supervisor
□ Program Specialist
□ Provider Clinical Staff
□ Consumer/Self-Advocate
□ Family Member
□ Support Coordinator
□ Support Coordinator
Supervisor
□ PCH Staff/Administrator
□ County MH/MR/IDD
□ FLP/LSP
□ Other (please list):
Please circle your PRIMARY reason for completing this home-study training:
 It’s mandatory
 interested in subject matter  need training hours
 convenience
Please circle the best response to each question.
5 = Strongly Agree 4 = Agree
3 = Undecided
2 = Disagree 1 = Strongly
Disagree
1.
As a result of this training, I have increased my knowledge.
5
4
3
2
1
2.
I learned something I can use in my own situation.
5
4
3
2
1
3.
This training provided needed information.
5
4
3
2
1
4.
The training material was helpful and effective.
5
4
3
2
1
5.
Overall, I am satisfied with this training.
5
4
3
2
1
Suggestions for improvement:
Additional information I feel should have been included in this training:
I would like to see these topics/conditions developed into home-study trainings: