3/17/2017
Dos and Don’ts
of Dealing with
Criticism
Criticism and Diabetes
• Diagnosis of Diabetes Type 1 and 2 causes
concern
• Criticized for bringing it on yourself
• Questioned about your food selections
Debra Schroeder, M.S.
Extension Educator
Diagnosis Raises Concern
Sources of Criticism
Letting Go Versus Reacting
• Lack of understanding
• Criticize from a point of ignorance
• Fear for your health
• Shrug off a careless remark
• Even with good intentions, it hurts
• Try not to take it too personally
• Develop a planned response
Letting Go Versus Reacting
• Don’t be as quick to ignore criticism that comes from
those who love you
• Look for underlying message
Dos
• Listen carefully to those that have diabetes
• Good tips and coping strategies
• See if there is something to gain
• Seek info from dieticians and doctors
• Paraphrase to demonstrate a more considerate way
to express concern
• Listen and then comment
• Remember people mean well
• Learn from health care team and those who live with
diabetes
Dos
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3/17/2017
Dos
Dos
• Get out of conversations
• Read current scientific research
• Ignore weird “facts” and “cures”
• Learn how to respond to unfounded criticism
• Don’t react angrily
• Monitor your blood glucose levels
• Switch topic of discussion
• Deflect attention away from you
• Know dangerous effects
• Doing your research, you can respond with up-todate info from reputable organizations
• Cite facts from validated research to sound
authoritative
Dos
Dos
• Choose carefully who you respond to
• Explain the apps you use
• to monitor your blood glucose levels
• remind you to take medication
• Concern about the medication you are taking: you
explain the rigorous clinical trials conducted
• Your health care professional took into account your
full medical history
• Enlist help in monitoring your medication adherence
• They will feel they are doing something constructive
to help you
Dos
Dos
Dos
• Show how close your blood glucose levels are
tracked
• Educating people can prevent criticism of your
choices
• Shows you are in control of your condition
• Turn tables on comments about your exercise
• They do not need to pass judgement.
• Show them how you monitor your blood pressure
• Might help people who are undiagnosed to become
aware of their own conditions
• People are fascinated by technological advances
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Dos
Dos
• True Life Care (TLC).
•
Meditation creates a shield against unconstructive criticism
• Comments on whether “condition” will affect your work
performance
•
Means of controlling your emotions and reactions
•
Looking inwardly, inspect what hurts you the most
• Is it their lack of knowledge?
• Maybe you are blaming yourself, too?
•
Assess if feelings of guilt or self-blame are beneficial to your health
•
Use meditation to access whatever it is that makes you feel
uncomfortable and root it out.
• TLC, a program employers can provide as a no-cost
benefit to employees with diabetes or pre-diabetes
• If your employer is concerned contact TLC
• TLC provides personal contact to those diagnosed
with diabetes sharing management hints
Don’ts
• Don’t let others criticize what you eat
• Have a plan and follow it
• Explain your choice
• Then ask what they are choosing for dessert and why
• Shift the conversation away from you
• Do a little self-analysis of a particular food choice
Don’ts
• Don’t allow people to pressure you at social
gatherings
• Jokingly ask them if they would like to be responsible
for taking your unconscious self to the ER when you
have a hypoglycemic incident.
• This gets your point across quickly, but in a way that
won’t spark an argument.
• Important thing is that you are in control of your
choices.
Don’ts
Don’ts
• Don’t get drawn into an argument
about why you have diabetes
• Comments from uniformed people
• Don’t let diabetes define you
• Diabetes has a genetic component
• Answer people who criticize your food choices by
explaining that someone who has a close family
member with diabetes is more likely to have it, too
• Don’t turn yourself into a victim
• Yes, you do have diabetes, but you also are more
than that
• Don’t criticize yourself
• Discuss what is bothering you only with those you
trust
• Remember each case is unique
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3/17/2017
Remember
• Most important trick in dealing with criticism
• Surround yourself with positive people
• People who uplift and support you
• Stay away from scaremongers; they will not help you
in your self-management endeavors.
Diabetes and Marriage
• Issues When Diabetes Enters Your Marriage:
“Sometime I think I care more about his diabetes
that he does.”
• “I try to cook healthy but he says he will eat what
he wants.”
• “I’m scared about what will happen to him,
but if he does not care what can I do?”
Diabetes and Marriage
Managing Diabetes Marriage Stress
• When one member of the couple has diabetes, the
other one lives with it too
• Approaching diabetes as a team is better for both
• Diabetes can put stress on marriage
• Diabetes can affect a marriage and marriage stress
can affect diabetes
• To successfully manage these problems couples do
two things:
• Talk honestly about the issues
• Get help
• A high degree of conflict and stress in your
relationship can do damage to internal organs
• Marital stress interferes with people’s diabetes
self-management
Managing Diabetes Marriage Stress
Communication and Listening
• Start with communications
• Listening important part of communications
• Discussion with what each of you needs
• Use reflective listening to build understanding
• Start with ways that your partner can help
you manage or cope
• Don’t argue or defend yourself
• Will not be a one-time conversation
• Can be difficult and many couples avoid them
• Would rather smooth things over than address the
underlying problems.
• Repeat and paraphrase
• Get to hear form both sides
• Both partners are important
• Discuss obstacles that you have over come in past
• Find sources of strength
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Things to Talk About
Emotional Support
• How involved should the partner be in diabetes
management?
• How will I support you?
• Diabetes can bring difficult emotions for both partners.
• Grief
• Frustration
• Guilt
• Anger
• Fear
• Jealousy
• Boredom
• Families need to learn ‘Non-directive Support”
• The partner assists and cooperates with the person
with diabetes’ requests
• Responsibility for his diabetes and behavior lies with
him; she has not taken that on.
Things to Talk About
• Food Issues – willingness to change diet
• Preventing hypos or low blood sugars
• Sex and intimacy
• Financial issues
• Including partners in your diabetes world
• Support for you both
• Finding balance
References
Davies, Nicola, “The Dos and Don’ts of Dealing with Criticism”, Diabetes
Self-Management, December, 2016, pages 30 – 32.
Hieronymus, Laura, “Happy New Year, Happy You!” Diabetes SelfManagement, February, 2017, pages 36 - 37.
Spero, David, “Married to Diabetes: Issues and Strategies When Diabetes
Enters Your Marriage”, Diabetes Self-Management, February, 2017, pages
26 – 31.
• Value your relationship
Extension is a Division of the Institute of Agriculture and Natural Resources at the University of
Nebraska–Lincoln cooperating with the Counties and the United States Department of Agriculture.
Nebraska Extension educational programs abide with the nondiscrimination policies of the
University of Nebraska–Lincoln and the United States Department of Agriculture.
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