How to Get the Most out of Therapy
You’ve been thinking about it for a while and decided you want to talk to a therapist. What can you do
get the most out of it? Sometimes people say “I tried therapy but it didn’t help.” Here are some tips to
help you get the most out of it:
Ask yourself if you really feel ready to make some changes. Therapy can be work and involves facing
some difficult “truths” that you may have pushed to the back of your mind. Are you ready to accept
constructive criticism and direction? Ask yourself which one is scarier: the idea of changing what you’re
doing or the idea of continuing to do what you’re doing. If continuing down the same path feels
overwhelming to you, maybe you are ready to change. Remember that anything worth doing is worth
the effort and possible discomfort. We call this “growing pains.”
Focus on your goals. You might have a general sense that you are unhappy with your life but try to
focus on specific areas to address: relationships, emotional distress, behavior patterns, etc. Developing
a clear sense of what you want to change puts you in control of your change process and your life.
Find a therapist who’s a good fit for you. Once you target the area you want to address, try to find a
therapist skilled in that area. All therapists should be able to address general anxieties and mood
fluctuations, but you may need a therapist who specializes in a particular area of concern such as
addictions, couple’s counseling, phobias, etc. Also ask yourself if you feel more comfortable talking to a
man or woman or if there are any other personal factors such as age or background that would make
you feel more at ease.
Set attainable goals. Therapy should be focused on clear, attainable goals. If your answer to “What are
you addressing in therapy?” is “I don’t know- we just talk about my week,” you need some more focus.
Now not every session is going to provide an exact step towards your goal and sometimes it takes a
while to open up or to face hard issues, but all in all, you should feel like you know where you’re going.
You want to feel as though you are working towards a goal and making progress.
Ask what to expect. Ease your anxieties by asking questions: What will the sessions be like? How long is
each session? What do I do if I need to talk in between sessions? Have you treated people like me?
Come prepared for therapy. Remember this is your time. Sometimes it helps to write notes throughout
the week to prepare yourself for your session. It also helps to pick a session time which fits your
schedule and allows you time to reflect before and after.
Use the session wisely and try to stay focused on areas of concern. Again, this is your time. You can
expect some rapport building and casual conversation, but your session should not feel just like a chat
with a friend. Your therapist should use professional boundaries and offer direction.
Try to use topics and tips from therapy outside the session. Hopefully you will gain some insights and
start to think differently about things in your session. These insights will go a lot farther if you continue
to think about them and implement changes outside your sessions. If you attempt to make changes or
at least think about making changes, this is progress. Remind yourself that change can take work and
practice.
Keep a journal. Writing down your thoughts can help you prepare for the upcoming session and also
process topics discussed in sessions. You may experience extreme emotions throughout the week and
then draw a “blank” during your session. Bringing out your journal can help you access those thoughts
and feelings.
Evaluate yourself- are you changing the ways you think, act, and feel? If you keep a journal, you can
look back on old writings and assess your progress that way. Are you still reacting the same way? Do
your writings have the same tone? Is it easier to write down your thoughts now? How do you feel
during your sessions? Are you changing old patterns?
Therapy is a two-way process and you can do your part by staying involved and active in the process. I
tell clients they get “partial credit” for showing up, but when it comes to your happiness and your life,
why would you settle for “partial”?
Laura H. Frohboese, MSW, LCSW
Cornerstone Counseling of Charlotte 360 N. Caswell Rd. Charlotte, NC 28204
www.CornerstoneCounselingNC.com 7/12/10