Personal Statements
Some students misunderstand the significance of the personal statement and find themselves either
regurgitating their CV like a dirty laundry list (e.g.: first I did this, and then this, and then this, etc), or
coming up with an exaggerated and cheesy narrative rendition of a tearjerker experience (e.g.: When I
travelled to Africa…). Here are some guidelines and tips to help you write the best personal statement
possible. Keep in mind that these are suggestions and won’t apply to every award, graduate program, or
professional program. It’s important to read each award’s criteria before you invest time and effort into
drafting your statement, but in general, you’ll find that these tips ring true.
Top Ten Rules
1. Depth over Breadth: a narrow focus is essential to keep the attention of the reader.
2. Originality: Everyone hates to be told this point, but it’s true – try to tell the reader something
that no other applicant will be able to say.
3. Heart: The heart of the matter is that the reader needs to get to the crux of what inspires you, so
provide some detail into what drives your academic and professional goals.
4. Honesty: Be yourself, not what you believe would make the ideal applicant because you never
know what the committee is actually looking for.
5. Creativity: Use your imaginative in the opening remarks, but make sure it isn’t a generalization
or popular story.
6. Justify: If you’re applying to an institution, make sure you answer the question “why here” by
addressing the school’s unique features and how they correspond with your research interests
and personality.
7. Positivity: Focus on the affirmative in the personal statement; consider an addendum to explain
deficiencies or blemishes.
8. Impact over Wordiness: Evaluate experiences, rather than describe them in unnecessary details.
The experience matters, yes, but the impact it had on you matters more.
9. Edit: Proofread carefully for grammar, syntax, punctuation, word usage, and style.
10. Style: Use readable fonts, typeface, and conventional spacing and margins.
Top Ten Pitfalls
1. Do not submit an expository resume. There is nothing worse than a statement that spits out the
exact lines found in the CV, which your reference letter writers have also probably employed,
meaning the reader can see a phrase like “the recipient of leadership awards such as – followed
by a list of award names –” over and over and over again.
2. Do not complain or whine about the “system” or circumstances in your life.
3. Do not preach to your reader. You can express opinions, but do not come across as fanatical or
extreme.
4. Do not talk about money as a motivator.
5. Do not discuss your minority status or disadvantaged background.
6. Do not remind the school of its rankings or tell them how good they are – trust me, they know.
7. Do not use boring clichéd intros (examples follow).
8. Do not use unconventional and gimmicky formats and packages.
9. Do not submit supplemental materials unless they are requested.
10. Do not get the name of the school wrong.
Worst Openings
These are not made up – they are actual examples of statements seen here at the University of Calgary
for various program and award application.
1. My name is John Smith and my goal is to become a neurosurgeon. Ever since I was two years
old, I have known I would become a doctor because I like to help people. The world we live in
today needs good doctors that actually care about people. People always tell me that I care more
than most about others, and therefore, medicine is the right career for me.
2. From a young age, I have had a thirst for knowledge. I read every book in our public library,
memorized the dictionary, and spent my free time reading anything I could get my hands on,
even cereal boxes. As a result, I am a receptacle of what some people would deem useless
factoids, but which I consider foundational details for my future career as an academic – and my
own personal aspiration to wow the world as the youngest future jeopardy champion.
3. “To be, or not to be a teacher” – that is the question I ponder every day because to make such a
decision at a young age can be difficult given all the options offered to us in the world. We all
know that teachers in the 21st century suffer from the short end of the stick. Parents don’t raise
their children anymore – teachers do.
4. They say that leaders are smart, charismatic, good looking, and athletic. My strong academic
record, varsity sport engagement, and above average height (and looks) demonstrate that I would
make a good leader.
5. Other students have strong leadership skills, but I exhibit the true qualities of a great leader. I am
charismatic, influential, handsome, and wealthy. In order to succeed in life, you need to be good
looking and have access to the right social circles.
6. Ever since man has walked the earth, he has battled good and evil. Every day I fight a fight with
my desire to do what’s good and my temptation to do what’s bad because I’ll make more money.
Because this battle consumes me, I’ve decided Law would be a perfect career fit for me.
7. I was born in the year of our Lord, nineteen-ninety-five, after the fame of boy bands and before
the invention of the ipad.
8. My name is Jane Dough and until this year I didn’t really have an interest into my future. I
thought I would just get married and have children and be a housewife like my mother because
that’s just what everyone else was doing. So I didn’t think too much about it. Then I had an
awful breakup with a boy and my vision changed.
9. I have always dreamed of coming to the University of Calgary since I was really young. It has
been a dream of mine to study at your institution because my parents went there and had a great
experience.
10. “Oh, the places you will go,” says Dr. Seuss. That book, purchased by my late grandfather as a
sixth grade graduation gift, was foundational is keeping me focused and determined in high
school.
Winning Openings
These are examples from winning opening statements for programs or awards at the University of
Calgary, or for popular external awards. Links are provided for the external award winning statements
– if there isn’t a link included, it is because the opening comes from a University of Calgary statement.
1. Examination of any quality newspaper will probably demonstrate that more of the headlines
address economic problems than any other topic. The importance and relevance of economic
related disciplines to the modern world have led me to want to pursue the study of the subject at
a higher level, for I discovered throughout my undergraduate studies that economics remained
the consistent thread uniting all the academic topics I chose to study.
2. I never received my Hogwarts letter. Nor did I ever come into contact with faeries, werewolves
or vampires (sparkly or otherwise). I haven’t discovered any bloodlines to ancient gods or
goddesses, and I have yet to see a mystical place on a standard globe or map. I’ve had no
experience with the supernatural beyond a book’s end pages (excluding my grandfather’s ghost
that haunts our kitchen, a long story involving psychics and a food scale). The characters that had
the chance to accomplish or experience these things tend to change their world. Tend to have
enormous sway on the destiny of their planet, country or race. Tend to matter, whether they wish
to or not.
These characters’ struggles, their defining moments that change the course of their
history have lit within me a flame that no single accomplishment can extinguish. I’ve read
hundreds of their stories, I read in almost every spare minute I have, and each character has
inspired me to change my world as they changed theirs. I want to help battle against hate like
Harry1 and fight against tyranny like Katniss2, to learn how to live with and make impossible
choices like Viola and Todd3. I need to leave my mark on this planet like they did on theirs, a
mark that makes the world a better place.
3. It’s one of those moments that simply take your breath away. Across a canvas of green, green
grass, eleven bodies dance in a synchronous rhythm, moulding their every step, every breath in
total coordination with one another, maintaining that all important shape and purpose. Finally, a
spellbinding chain of passes conceives that all-important wonder-goal. But for all its innovation
and spectacle, Sartre had discovered something profound when he made the deviously obvious
observation that “in the football match, everything is complicated by the presence of the other
team.” Ultimately, I think it’s this conflict of physicality and philosophy that can silence crowds
of tens of thousands and then suddenly ignite them to total oblivion. It’s a thrill shared in the
distant childhoods of some busy undergraduates –Yemenis, Spaniards, Nigerians, Nepalis,
Englishmen, and Canadians alike – and one that brings us together every single Friday afternoon,
without fail, to share a precious few hours kicking about a ball. So I have no hesitation in
regarding this as the single most inspiring aspect of my first-year experience here; an experience
that has simultaneously reinforced my deepest convictions and challenged the very essence of
my character. But the metaphor of this sport – because, ultimately, it is simply that, a sport – is
one that has allowed me to transcend all the monotony and chaos of life through such exalted,
mesmerizing moments.
4. My double major in Government and Studies of Women, Gender, and Sexuality (WGS) always
provokes one of two reactions. Some people, like my uncle, make light of the concept of a man
majoring in women’s studies; others, like my grandmother, pull me aside with a worried look
and encourage me to try studying something besides gay and lesbian theory. I had always
planned to work in human rights advocacy, and my academic choices seemed like good
preparation for that field. Still, my uncle’s skepticism nursed a suspicion that I would perpetually
be an outsider if I studied issues like feminism, ethnic conflict, racism, or poverty. My
grandmother’s concern fostered an equal and opposite conviction that there is something selfserving about fighting for gay and lesbian rights when you have a personal investment in that
struggle. (http://www.provost.umich.edu/scholars/students/essays.html).
5. A simple bridge truss was the first structure I ever analyzed. The simple combination of beams
that could hold cars, trains, and trucks over long spans of water fascinated me. Having the tools
to analyze the loads on the truss further increased my interest in structures. I encountered the
bridge in a textbook for my first engineering class.
Knowing that the professor, Mr. John Doe, was a tough teacher, I asked him for the
textbook so I could study and get ready for the class over the summer. Just arrived from Belize, I
was determined to succeed. In class we learned about forces on simple members and then we put
the members together to form a simple truss. At this point I had almost decided that structural
engineering was the career for me. From there the class just took off: We went on to frames,
distributed loads, considered friction; basically we were incorporating real world considerations
into structural members. I loved the practical, problem solving aspects of the field.
(http://www.accepted.com/grad/sampEssay02.aspx).
References
Purdue OWL. (2007). “Writing the personal statement.” Retrieved July 2, 2013 from
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/642/01/.
Richardson, J. (1998). Mastering the personal statement. Toronto: Richardson Press.
Steinberg, J. (2002). Gatekeepers: Inside the admissions process of a premier college. New York:
Viking Penguin.
Stelzer, R. J. (200). How to write a winning personal statement for graduate and professional school.
(3rd ed.). Lawrenceville, NJ.: Peterson’s.
Stewart, M.A. (2002). Perfect personal statements: Law, Business, Medicine, Graduate School. (2nd
ed.).