Technical/Science Writing: Using Precise,
Clear, and Forthright Language
Science/Technical Writing:
Using Precise, Clear,
and Forthright Language
Brenna Staats, MA
Email: [email protected]
Brenna Staats, MA
[email protected]
Precise
Language is the way we
use words
Short words are the best, and
short words when old are best of
all.
- Winston Churchill
Language Center
Clear
Forthright
Familiar
Concise
Fluid
word
word word
word
word
word
word
word
word
word wordwordwordword
wordword
wordwordwordword
word
word
word
word
word
word
word
wordwordwordword
word
(Alley, 1996)
Ensure that your technical writing is precise,
clear, and forthright to avoid confusions
In science writing, being precise is the
most important goal of language
Choose
the right
word
The difference between the right
word and the almost right word is
the difference between lightning
and a lightning bug.
- Mark Twain
Choose
the right
level of
accuracy
(Alley, 1996)
Choose the right word: for example, you
would not use ‘weight’ if you mean ‘mass’
Commonly
Misused Words
Comprise
Definition
contain
Compose
to make up
Effect
Affect
n. result
v. influence
The effects of x on y were…
X affected y by…
Continual
repeatedly
Continuous
without interruption
For two weeks, the whales
continually dived to great depths.
The spectrum of refracted light is
continuous.
Like
As
Example
An atom comprises a nucleus,
electrons, and protons.
Water is composed of hydrogen
and oxygen.
(preposition)
X has characteristics like y.
- introduces prep. phrase
(conjunction)
As discussed by Scientist and
- introduces clause
Scientist, y tends to affect x by…
Avoid groups of words that have no
meaning
The problem centers around the drying and aging of
the blood stain.
revolves around
centers on
(Alley, 1996)
1
Technical/Science Writing: Using Precise,
Clear, and Forthright Language
Brenna Staats, MA
[email protected]
Choose words carefully as few words, if
any, are exact synonyms
Gas discharge: any one of the three steady states of the
electrical breakdown process. These three steady states
are the Townsend, glow, and arc.
steady state
VS.
Spark: the transient irreversible event from one steady
state of the electrical breakdown process to another
(example: the transition from a glow discharge to an arc).
transition
state
Synonym writing is not strong writing
and may confuse readers
Mixed convection is a combination of natural and forced
convection. Two dimensionless numbers in the correlations for
mixed convection are the Grashoff number and the Reynolds
number. The Grashoff number (for free convection) is a
measure of the ratio of buoyant to viscous forces, and the
Reynolds number (for forced convection) is a measure of the
ratio of inertial to viscous forces.
1st sentence of a journal article:
The last decade has seen a rapid development of new techniques
for studying the enormously complex phenomena associated with
the development of sparks and other gas discharges.
Natural = free ????
(Alley, 1996)
Don’t use a thesaurus; use a dictionary
(Alley, 1996)
Besides the dictionary meaning
(denotation), be aware of word connotation
Adequate  adj. acceptable in quantity or quality
Dictionary:
Perfect  adj. having all the required or desirable elements
BUT… negative connotation
Thesaurus:
Perfect  pure-unvarnished-unfinished-rough-imperfect
valid-convincing-plausible-specious-unsound-invalid
classified-secret-mysterious-unidentified-unclassified
Most people would not fly in
an airplane with an
adequate safety record.
connotation = Insufficient
(Alley, 1996)
Avoid a negative connotation when a neutral or
positive connotation is wanted (or vice versa)
(Alley, 1996)
You do not want the highest degree of
accuracy, but the right level of accuracy
+ connotation
The turbulence in the flow enhances the drag by more
than 20 percent.
How specific should
you be for your
audience?
negative statement
The turbulence in the flow increases the drag by more
than 20 percent.
neutral
connotation
(Alley, 1996)
What details are
important for your
audience?
(Alley, 1996)
2
Technical/Science Writing: Using Precise,
Clear, and Forthright Language
Brenna Staats, MA
[email protected]
Strong writing requires both general and
specific statements
Writing that relies only on general
statements is empty
General Statements
 big picture, show
direction of thought
After recognizing the problems with the
solar mirrors, we took subsequent corrective
measures.
More precise
After finding that high winds (and not hail)
had cracked 10 solar mirrors, we began
stowing all mirrors in a horizontal position
during thunderstorms.
Specific Statements
 give evidence to
support direction of
thought
(Alley, 1996)
General statements, by themselves, are
soon forgotten
Before
Our new process reduces
emissions of nitrogen
oxides from diesel engines
and industrial furnaces.
(Alley, 1996)
Make it even better by providing context
to ground your details
After
Our new process eliminates 99
percent of nitrogen oxide
emissions from diesel engines
and industrial furnaces.
Before
Our new process eliminates 99
percent of nitrogen oxide
emissions from diesel engines
and industrial furnaces.
After
Our new process eliminates 99
percent of nitrogen oxide
emissions from diesel engines
and industrial furnaces.
Previous processes have, at
best, reduced nitrogen oxide
emissions by only 70 percent.
Trash
(Alley, 1996)
(Alley, 1996)
On the other hand, specific statements
without the general are dangerous too
The average
house in the area
has a radon level
of 0.4 picocuries
per liter.
(Alley, 1996)
The average house in the area has
a radon level of 0.4 picocuries per
liter, which is considered low by
the EPA [Lafavore, 1987]. Levels
between 20 and 200 picocuries per
liter are considered high, and
levels above 200 picocuries per
liter are considered dangerous.
For reference, the average radon
level in outdoor air is about 0.2
picocuries per liter.
Consider the appropriate level of
accuracy; avoid over-specifying details
The number of particular hydrocarbon combinations in
our study is enormous. For example, the number of
possible C20H42 is 366,319 and the number for
C40H82 is 62,491,178,805,831.
The number of hydrocarbon combinations in our study
is enormous. For example, the number of possible
C40H82 is more than 62 trillion.
(Alley, 1996)
3
Technical/Science Writing: Using Precise,
Clear, and Forthright Language
Brenna Staats, MA
[email protected]
Be careful to choose details that inform,
not confuse
Choose the appropriate level of details
for your audience
Operations at the plant stopped momentarily because the
thermal storage charging system desuperheater attemperator
valve was replaced.
Operations at the plant stopped for 1.5 hours so that a valve in
the thermal storage system could be replaced.
A 1-mm diameter, 656-nm beam
with uniform intensity across the
beam was produced by using a
wavelength/ polarizer combination
to split off part of the 532-nm
output from the Nd:YAG laser to
pump a second dye laser (LaserRay LRL-2, also operated with the
DCM dye) with a side-pumped
configuration for the final
amplifier, and selecting the central
portion of the collimated beam
with an aperture.
(Alley, 1996)
The fuel pellets used in inertial
confinement fusion are tiny, the
size of BBs, but they are potentially
the most powerful devices
mankind has ever known. If we can
compress the fuel in the pellets to a
plasma, the fuel's deuterium and
tritium atoms can overcome their
mutual electrical repulsion and
fuse into helium atoms, giving off
energy (E = mc2). The power
needed to ignite fusion in the
pellets is 100 trillion watts;
however, the power released from
the fusion is one hundred times
that much.
(Alley, 1996)
Clear scientific writing means avoiding
writing things you don’t mean
When you are out to
describe the truth,
leave elegance to the
tailor.
-Albert Einstein
Avoid needlessly complex words; be sure
your words are precise and clear
Category
Example
Possible Substitute
Nouns
Familiarization
has the functionability
has the operationability
utilization
familiarity
can function
can operate
use
Verbs
facilitate
finalize
prioritize
utilize
cause
end
assess
use
Adjectives
individualized
personalized
individual
personal
Adverbs
firstly, secondly, thirdly first, second, third
heretofore
previous
Needless
Complexity
Ambiguity
(Alley, 1996)
(Alley, 1996)
Stringing modifiers in front of nouns
swallows the idea
Needless complexity buries ideas
This study will consider why current solar energy systems, such
as Solar One, have not reached the commercial stage and will find
out what steps we can take to make these systems commercial.
Solar One is a 10 megawatt solar thermal
electric central receiver Barstow power pilot
plant.
R.I.P.
The goal of this study is to develop a commercialization strategy
for solar energy systems by analyzing factors impeding early
commercial projects (i.e., SOLAR ONE) and by identifying the
potential actions that can facilitate the viability of the projects.
(Alley, 1996)
Solar One is a solar-powered pilot plant located near Barstow,
California. Solar One produces 10 megawatts of electricity by
capturing solar energy in a central receiver design.
(Alley, 1996)
4
Technical/Science Writing: Using Precise,
Clear, and Forthright Language
Stringing modifiers dilutes their
meanings and introduces imprecision
The decision will be based on economical fluid replenishment
cost performance.
Brenna Staats, MA
[email protected]
Sentences often become needlessly
complex in scientific writing
The object of the work was to confirm the nature of
electrical breakdown of nitrogen in uniform fields at
relatively high pressures and interelectrode gaps that
What is important? Cost of replacing the fluid?
Performance of the fluid? Something else?
approach those obtained in engineering practice, prior to
the determination of the processes that set the criterion for
breakdown in the above-mentioned gases and mixtures in
We will base the decision on the cost of replacing the thermal
oil.
(Alley, 1996)
Revise complex sentences by providing
specifics and breaking up wandering phrases
1st
At relatively high pressures (760 torr) and typical electrode
gap distances (1 mm), the electrical breakdown of nitrogen
was studied in uniform fields.
At high pressures (760 torr) and typical electrode gap distances
2nd (1 mm), the electrical breakdown of nitrogen was studied in
uniform fields.
3rd
uniform and non-uniform fields of engineering
significance.
(Alley, 1996)
A sentence is too complex if it has too
many ideas
To separate the hot and cold oil, one tank was used that took
advantage of the thermocline principle, which uses the rock
and sand bed and the variation of oil density with
temperature (8% decrease in density over the range of
operating temperatures) to overcome natural convection
between the hot and cold regions.
What details are important?
In our study, we examined the electrical breakdown of
nitrogen in uniform fields. For these experiments, the electrode
gap distances were typical (1 mm), while the pressures were
relatively high (760 torr).
(Alley, 1996)
More than 1 sentence may be necessary
to make the main points clear
The question was how to separate the hot and cold oil in the rock
and sand bed. Rather than have one tank hold hot oil and another
tank hold cold oil, we used a single tank for both. This design
took advantage of the variation of oil density with temperature. In
our storage system, oil decreases in density by 8% over the range
of operating temperatures. This variation in density allows the hot
oil to float over the cold oil in the same tank. Natural convection is
impeded by the position of the hot oil over the cold and by the
rock and sand bed. Thus, the heat transfer between hot and cold
regions is small because it occurs largely by conduction. The
concept of storing heat in a single vessel with hot floating over
cold is known as "thermocline storage."
(Alley, 1996)
(Alley, 1996)
If you notice that a sentence is long, take
steps to ensure it is not too complex
There should be only 1 main
idea in a sentence.
The sentence should reach
a main point without
wandering.
(Alley, 1996)
5
Technical/Science Writing: Using Precise,
Clear, and Forthright Language
Brenna Staats, MA
[email protected]
When writing, imagine yourself sitting
across from your most important reader
In that the "Big Bang," currently
the most credible theory about
how the universe was created,
explains only the creation of
hydrogen and helium, we are
left to theorize as to how all the
other elements came into being.
Having studied the nuclear
reactions that constitute the life
and death cycles of stars, many
scientists believe therein lies the
key.
Avoid ambiguity in your writing (writing
that can be interpreted in more than 1 way)
The solar collector worked well under passing clouds.
The "Big Bang" is the most
credible theory for the creation of
the universe. Nevertheless, the
"Big Bang" explains the creation
of only helium and hydrogen.
What about the other elements?
Many scientists believe that they
arose from nuclear reactions that
occur in the life and death cycles
of stars.
(Alley, 1996)
Xm
(Alley, 1996)
Everyone makes mistakes; strong writing
occurs from hard work on revisions
Many ambiguities occur from 4 sources
3 are listed
Radiometer System. Two general requirements
to be met are (1) to survive and accurately
measure the radiation incident on the receiver
and (2) to present the data in a form that can be
used to verify computer code predictions.
Word Choice
For who or
what to
survive?
Smoothly transition by
Radiometer System. The radiometer system for
using radiometer
system in 1st sentence the solar receiver must meet three requirements:
(1) it must accurately measure to within 5
percent the solar radiation on the receiver; (2) its
electronics must survive in solar radiation as
intense as 300 kilowatts per square meter; and
(3) its output must be able to verify computer
codes.
(Alley, 1996)
Ambiguities can occur because many
English words have more than 1 definition
Punctuation
Syntax
Pronouns
(Alley, 1996)
Some ambiguities are due to syntax (the
order of words or phrases)
As = while or because
Only I tested the bell jar for leaks yesterday.
T cells, rather than B cells, appeared as the lymphocytes
moved to the thymus gland.
I only tested the bell jar for leaks yesterday.
I tested only the bell jar for leaks yesterday.
I tested the bell jar only for leaks yesterday.
Set  Merriam-Webster dictionary lists 67 definitions
I tested the bell jar for leaks only yesterday.
(Alley, 1996)
(Alley, 1996)
6
Technical/Science Writing: Using Precise,
Clear, and Forthright Language
Improper placement of introductory
phrases can also cause ambiguities
Brenna Staats, MA
[email protected]
There should be no doubt as to what a
pronoun refers
Possible references
In low water temperatures and high toxicity
levels of oil, we tested how well the
microorganisms survived.
Because the receiver presented the radiometer with a
high-flux environment, it was mounted in a silverplated stainless steel container.
Pronoun
Revised
We tested how well the microorganisms
survived in low water temperatures and high
toxicity levels of oil.
(Alley, 1996)
Revision
Because the receiver presented the radiometer with a
high-flux environment, the radiometer was mounted
in a silver-plated stainless steel container.
(Alley, 1996)
Avoid using the word “this” as an
informal pronoun
Since punctuation marks act as road signs for the
reader, ambiguities will cause a reader to get lost
There are no peaks in the olefinic region. Therefore,
no significant concentration of olefinic
hydrocarbons exists in fresh oil. This places an
upper limit on the concentration of olefins, no more
than 0.01 percent.
,
Revision
The chromatogram has no peaks in the olefinic
region. Therefore, no significant concentration of
olefinic hydrocarbons exists in fresh oil. This
chromatogram finding places an upper limit on the
olefin concentration, no more than 0.01 percent.
(Alley, 1996)
There are many rules for commas; some
are mandatory and some are not
(Alley, 1996)
In a series of 3 or more terms, use a
comma to separate each term
The three elements were hydrogen, oxygen, and nitrogen.
After cooling the exhaust gases continue to expand until the
density reaches that of freestream.
When feeding a shark often mistakes undesirable food items for
something it really desires.
In our study, we examined neat methanol,
neat ethanol, methanol and 10 percent water
and ethanol and 10 percent water.
In our study, we examined four fuels: neat
methanol, neat ethanol, methanol with 10
percent water, and ethanol with 10 percent
water.
(Alley, 1996)
(Alley, 1996)
7
Technical/Science Writing: Using Precise,
Clear, and Forthright Language
Ambiguities can be difficult to find when
you are familiar with the writing
Brenna Staats, MA
[email protected]
The purpose of scientific writing is to
inform, so the writing should be forthright
Forthright = direct and honest
Change your
location
Control your
tone
Let some
time pass
Writer’s attitude
toward the subject
Find a different
pair of eyes
Gives your writing
energy
Use strong nouns
and verbs
Change the
document format
(Alley, 1996)
(Alley, 1996)
The tone of the writing is whatever
shows your attitude about the subject
Trying to impress
by showing great
importance
Your research already involves complex
terms; use unpretentious words for the rest
Polymerase
Electrophoresis
Graphene
Photolithograhy
Avoid pretentious,
arrogant, or silly
wording
Pretentious
Approximately
Component
Facilitate
implement
manufacturability
utilize
utilization
Exaggerating
importance
(Alley, 1996)
Using a more pretentious word can give
a very incorrect meaning
In the development of the Five-Year Plan, Division A will
interface with Division B.
Must use to
be precise
(Alley, 1996)
Unpretentious
ok for measurements, not wholes
part
cause
Carry out
Can manufacture
use
use
Revise writing so that it is unpretentious
and easy to follow
The elevated temperatures of the liquid propellant fuel
facilitated an unscheduled irrevocable disassembly.
Interface = interstitial boundary
between 2 molecular planes
The higher temperatures caused the liquid propellant to
explode.
It is inappropriate to write about people interfacing.
(Alley, 1996)
(Alley, 1996)
8
Technical/Science Writing: Using Precise,
Clear, and Forthright Language
Brenna Staats, MA
[email protected]
Arrogant phrases unintentionally offer
the wrong tone to readers
As is well known, the use of gaseous insulation is
becoming increasingly more widespread, with gases
If it is obvious, you don’t need to say it;
if not obvious, don’t say it is
The results clearly demonstrate the ability of Raman
spectroscopy to provide unambiguous chemical
compound identifications from oxides as they grow on a
metal surface.
Arrogant writing insults readers who don’t
see it as clearly or as unambiguous
such as air and sulphur hexafluoride featuring
Revised
prominently. There has been some discussion of
using gas mixtures like nitrogen and sulphur
hexafluoride, and of course nitrogen is the major
constituent of air.
(Alley, 1996)
The results show that Raman spectroscopy can identify
chemical compounds from oxides that are growing on a metal
surface.
(Alley, 1996)
Be forthright in science writing by
avoiding clichés
Nouns and verbs are the most important
words in your sentences
Noun
When you come up to speed, I will touch base with you
and we'll knock heads together and figure out a
solution!
Noun
Noun
Noun
(Alley, 1996)
(Alley, 1996)
A strong noun will provide 1 of the 5
senses to the reader (usually visual)
The existing nature of Mount St. Helens' volcanic
ash spewage was handled through the applied use
of computer modeling capabilities.
With Cray computers, we modeled how much
ash spewed from Mount St. Helens.
(Alley, 1996)
Noun
Weak 
no images
provided
Focuses on
strong nouns
Avoid abstract nouns or anchor with
concrete definitions or examples
Ability
Approach
Capability
Concept
Method
Environment
Factor
Nature
Parameter
Criteria
abstract
This study considered three methods for detecting plastic
explosives in airline baggage: ion mobility spectrometry, xray backscatter, and thermal neutron activation. To
evaluate these three methods, we used four criteria: cost of
the method, effectiveness of the method at identifying a
plastic explosive, speed of the method at processing
baggage, and ease of use for the method.
(Alley, 1996)
9
Technical/Science Writing: Using Precise,
Clear, and Forthright Language
Brenna Staats, MA
[email protected]
Use strong verbs to show the energy of
your work
Weak Verb Phrases
Made the arrangement for
Made the decision
Made the measurement of
Performed the development of
The human immune system is
responsible not only for the
identification of foreign
molecules, but also for actions
leading to their immobilization,
neutralization, and destruction.
Weak
Is beginning
Is followed
Is shadowing
Is used to detect
Strong Verbs
arranged
decided
measured
developed
The human immune system
not only identifies foreign
molecules, but also
immobilizes, neutralizes, and
destroys those molecules.
(Alley, 1996)
Strong
Begins
Follows
Shadows
Detects
The distance between the electrodes is dependent on the
pressure environment and the result of metal corrosion.
The distance between the electrodes depends on the gas pressure
and the electrodes' corrosion.
(Alley, 1996)
The verb “is” acts as an equals sign, and
makes other sentences passive
Equals
A positron is a positively charged electron produced
in the beta decay of neutron-deficient nuclides.
Passive
The feedthrough was composed of a sapphire optical
fiber, which was pressed against the pyrotechnic that
was used to confine the charge.
Active
and
stronger
The feedthrough contained a sapphire optical fiber,
which pressed against the pyrotechnic that contained
the charge.
(Alley, 1996)
Use the passive voice when the object is
more important than the subject
On the second day of our wildebeest study, one of
the calves wandered just a few yards from the
herd and was attacked by wild dogs.
… and wild dogs attacked.
The calf is more
important than
the wild dogs.
Active but
importance changed
(Alley, 1996)
Active voice (subject doing the verb)
gives your work energy
Z
Z
Z
A new process for eliminating nitrogen oxides from diesel
exhaust engines is presented. Flow tube experiments to
test this process are discussed. A chemical reaction
scheme to account for this process is proposed.
This paper presents a new process for eliminating
nitrogen oxides from the exhaust of diesel engines. To test
this process, we performed experiments in flow tubes. To
explain this process, we developed a scheme of chemical
reactions.
(Alley, 1996)
Strong verbs are often buried in other
constructions
Double check that the subject can
actually do the verb
The oscilloscope calculated the voltage.
The oscilloscope displayed the voltage.
Be careful that the inanimate object
can actually do the verb you write!
(Alley, 1996)
10
Technical/Science Writing: Using Precise,
Clear, and Forthright Language
Using first person (I/we) is okay, as long
as you leave the focus on the work
As we could not locate the control circuit
responsible for the gear box failure, we surveyed
the collector field again for damage to the torque
tubes.
Use 1st person
to take
responsibility
Do not use I or We as the first word of a sentence
(it receives heavy emphasis). Only use 1st person
after an introductory phrase or clause.
Brenna Staats, MA
[email protected]
Homework
1. Review a recent experimental/process/methods
section that you have written (the more recent the
better). <OR> Review a recent report that you have
written.
2. Based on what has been discussed and what you
now know about precise, clear, and forthright
language revise/edit your writing.
3. Email your writing to Brenna
([email protected]) by Tuesday at 5PM (if
you want feedback by the next class).
4. I will use these to find the grammar and/or usage
mistakes that your group makes most often. This
will help make the final lectures on technical
writing language more specific for you.
(Alley, 1996)
References and Resources
• Alley, M. (2010). Writing Guidelines for Engineering and Science
Students. http://www.writing.engr.psu.edu/
• Alley, M. (1996). The Craft of Scientific Writing (3rd ed.). SpringerVerlag.
• Bates College. (2011). How to write a paper in scientific journal style
and format.
http://abacus.bates.edu/~ganderso/biology/resources/writing/HTWt
oc.html
• Colorado State University. (2011). Writing@CSU.
http://writing.colostate.edu/guides/documents/abstract/pop2a.cfm
• Koopman, P. (1997). How to write an abstract. Carnegie Mellon
University.
http://www.ece.cmu.edu/~koopman/essays/abstract.html
• Livengood, N. (2011). Writing Engineering Reports. Perdue Writing Lab.
http://owl.english.perdue.edu
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