Schizophrenia Bulletin
doi:10.1093/schbul/sbu066
First Person Account
How Do You Know if You Are in La La Land?
Jason A. Jepson
Schizophrenia—It is like being in a crowd sometimes and
everyone is making you turn turn turn around to listen to
them but you are too busy driving the bus.
Here are some questions to ask yourself or a person
living with schizophrenia:
One time I thought Bill Murry (comedian, actor) helped
me to write a poem. He thought of the line Chasing
windmills.
The man inside your head
Holds his laughter
While you hold your breathe
At oncoming cars
And pedestrians
He chases windmills
And belongs with
Friends inside his head
Streaming on the page
No punctuations
From the chaos of conversing
Taking a lower dose of sleep meds
But no vitamins
In the crowd in his head
He is often called upon
But outside his own mind he is no one
•• Do you believe someone is stealing something from
you?
•• Are you getting messages from the television (TV) or
radio that no one else can hear?
•• Do you hear voices in your head no one else can hear?
•• Do you believe a person or persons can inject you with
their thoughts or take your thoughts away?
•• Do you believe people are against you?
•• Do you see things or smell things that aren’t there?
Forget thinking that you are a super hero with special
powers because that is a delusion. Thinking that you
are special enough to get messages from the TV is also
wrong. Schizophrenia trades rational thinking with irrational thinking. It can have staring at a wall for long periods of time or pacing up and down a hallway. It can only
be treated with medication, and still you senses can be
jumping around.
If 1 and 5 people have a mental illness then 1 and 100
have schizophrenia.
Sensory Hallucination
Seeing—Just now a person who was in the same restaurant my mom and I were having breakfast in, threw my
notebook on the floor. My notebook didn’t actually end
up on the floor, but I faintly saw him standing up frustrated. He was frustrated because I saw him as a delusion,
and not as a real vision.
Smelling—You may be at a fish place and smell
hamburgers.
Hearing—Could hear voices that can be insulting or
uplifting. Sometimes you think people are listening in to
your conversation or can know your thoughts.
Sometimes it can be a feeling not necessarily in
touch, but kind of like feeling someone else’s presence.
It isn’t the best poem, I guess that is Bill Murry’s fault.
I didn’t believe it at first but then I got swept up in it.
What Should You Do?
Sometimes medication stops working, and sometimes it
takes about 10 years to be put on the right medication.
Remember the pressures in finding the right medication
doesn’t fall on your shoulders. Your Psychiatrist have
studied and have books on medication. All that stuff is
hard to understand so it is better to leave it to a professional. You should be compliant. I have taken pills and
have gotten injections some have worked a little some
haven’t worked at all. I am trying a new medication as
I write this. Whatever happens, make sure you hang in
there. Listen to your doctor, attend group or one to one
therapy, and remember you are not alone unless you
choose to have a pity party or something. I personally
have stopped drinking because alcohol can affect your
meds negatively. Sometimes you just have to play by the
rules.
© The Author 2014. Published by Oxford University Press on behalf of the Maryland Psychiatric Research Center. All rights reserved.
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