Courage to disagree
Disagreeing with someone is seldom considered an art. One only does it when one absolutely
has to. Sometimes one really wants to speak against someone, but one feels very
uncomfortable, so one says, ‘Yes, you have a point there in what you’re saying’ or one evades
the confrontation and says, ‘I don’t know, I find it a difficult matter’. But that is a rather poor
way of replying. Why as part of a good conversation can one not disagree with someone?
Doesn’t the conversation become richer, the content more varied, the space bigger when
participants in the conversation disagree?
This practical guide focuses on the courage to disagree and how to do that in such a way that it
creates room for other ideas and new perspectives in the conversation.
Approach
1. Select a burning issue. Describe it through a concept, question or statement.
2. Each participant prepares a short speech of about two minutes in which a clear
standpoint is adopted. Use common sense and refer to what most people as well as you
yourself would find convincing. Don’t be held back by too little knowledge of the matter,
give it a convincing format according to your point of view.
3. One of the participants presents the prepared speech.
4. After that, each participant, as well as the one who has presented the speech, prepares a
reply of (maximum) three minutes. In it one opposes the previous speaker, showing that
one can think completely differently about the issue. (look at the suggestions below)
5. One of the participants presents the prepared speech.
6. The next participant reacts to this speaker with his reply. Either the first prepared
response can be used or additional points brought to bear on it.
7. Continue the presentation of replies, as long as participants present new points of view
from which they disagree with previous speakers.
8. Conclude with an evaluation and reflection. Ask, ‘What did the sequence of
disagreements lead to? Did it provide room for other thoughts and points of view? What
is needed to turn disagreeing into something very productive?’
Suggestions

Be sure to address all participants in the conversation, not only the previous speaker.

Listen properly. So start off from the perspective of a listener. Word your thoughts and
feelings as a listener, concentrating on what the previous speaker has said not how it was
said. Keep the classical rule of thumb, first captivate, then persuade.

Praise something in the previous speaker and his speech.

Dare to really disagree with the other person by presenting a completely opposite point of
view; open up other perspectives. Avoid vague sentences (‘You might ask yourself ...’,
‘Perhaps one could ...’). Be assertive. In that way one opens up the space for thinking
most widely.

Use a metaphor or an image if possible to strengthen your point. That way one helps the
listeners to compare the different positions, but be sure the metaphor goes to the heart of
the question, not something on the side.