CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION ............................................................................. 4
TIME MANAGEMENT ..................................................................... 5
The Choice Model ................................................................ 9
LIFESTYLE OPTIONS .................................................................. 13
Keeping Your Present Job .................................................. 13
Finding A New Job .............................................................. 14
Starting A Small Business ................................................... 16
Working Part Time .............................................................. 24
Volunteer Work ................................................................... 26
A Life of Leisure .................................................................. 27
A Life of Leisure and The Choice Model............................. 31
CHANGING RELATIONSHIPS ..................................................... 40
Relationships With Parents ................................................ 40
Caregiving .......................................................................... 42
Relationships With Children ............................................... 46
Relationships With Spouse ................................................. 48
Relationships With Others .................................................. 51
Mutual Reward Theory ....................................................... 54
COPING WITH DEATH ................................................................. 56
Living Alone ........................................................................ 58
Getting Help ........................................................................ 61
DETERMINING WHERE TO LIVE ................................................ 63
Types of Housing ................................................................ 63
CASE STUDIES ............................................................................ 71
List of Leisure Activities ...................................................... 74
Life Style
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2
Disclaimer
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in
regard to the subject matter covered. It is provided with the understanding that
the author is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, investment or other
professional advice. If legal or other expert assistance is required, the services of
a competent professional person should be sought.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or
transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,
recording, or otherwise, without the prior written consent of the copyright holder.
Limited license for reproduction for personal use by the employee is granted.
All rights reserved, © LJPR, LLC, 2009.
Life Style
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in Retirement
3
INTRODUCTION
We have undergone many changes throughout our lives and will
continue to do so while we live. We must be like a tree setting our
roots deeper and wider to draw new nutrients from our
surroundings. We must send out new branches and continue to
grow. We will need to be flexible enough to bend with the wind and
strong enough to weather the storms.
During our pre-retirement and retirement years we will have to
make many psychological adjustments. We will lose old friends
and, hopefully, make new ones. We may find new work, engage in
charity work, or decide on a life of leisure. Our relationship with
family will change. We might decide to move to a new geographic
region or, possibly, from a home to a condominium or even a
retirement community.
In order for us to look to the future we must first examine the past.
We have already made it through several phases of our lives and
each one brought about changes. We started our lives as young
children with very few responsibilities and a tremendous amount of
freedom. We soon became young adults, adding more
responsibilities and losing some of the freedom. Soon we became
working adults, parents, and citizens of a structured society where
moments of freedom were rare and greatly appreciated. Now we
are entering the final stage of the life cycle, a stage that will lessen
our responsibilities and grant us more freedom than we have ever
known before.
Life Style
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4
TIME MANAGEMENT
Human Life Cycle
100
90
80
Time (%)
70
60
50
44%
40
30
26%
20
10
15%
15%
0 - 12
13 - 25
0
25 - 60
60 & Beyond
Age (Years)
Life Style
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in Retirement
5
When we retire, we have about 25% of our life to look forward to. If
we look to the past, we’ve spent approximately 35 years working 8
hours a day, 5 days a week for 50 weeks out of each year. THAT’S
70,000 HOURS!! When we look to the future we will have
approximately 20 years of leisure time at 16 hours a day, 7 days a
week, 52 weeks out of the year. THAT’S 114,480 HOURS!! We will
have more hours of free time than all the hours we’ve worked.
Try this example:
Fill in the clock below with your current weekday routine. Be sure
to include drive time and the time necessary to get ready for work.
Midnight
9:00 p.m.
3:00 a.m.
6:00 p.m.
6:00 a.m.
3:00 p.m.
9:00 a.m.
Noon
STOP
ACTION PLAN:
Complete clock with current daily schedule.
Midnight
3:00 am
6:00 am
9:00 am
Noon
3:00 pm
6:00 pm
Life Style
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in Retirement
6
9:00 pm
What did you find out? You probably found that 10 to 12 hours a
day revolve around work.
Now fill in the clock with what you intend to do without work.
Midnight
9:00 p.m.
3:00 a.m.
6:00 p.m.
6:00 a.m.
3:00 p.m.
9:00 a.m.
Noon
STOP
ACTION PLAN:
Complete clock with the daily routine you desire to have after
retirement.
Midnight
3:00 am
6:00 am
9:00 am
Noon
3:00 pm
6:00 pm
9:00 pm
Life Style
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in Retirement
7
You probably found it just a little more difficult to fill all your time.
Try to imagine repeating this same schedule over and over again.
You will need to make choices on how to spend your time, not
choices on how to waste it. Time is like money; once you have
spent it, you can’t have it back. Time is a precious resource. Use it
wisely!
The biggest choice we will have to make is how we will occupy all
the time we have available. The “Choice Model” will help us in the
decision-making process.
STOP
ACTION PLAN:
•
•
•
Life Style
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8
Determine problem
List choices
Outcome of each choice
The Choice Model
STEP 1
Think about the problem you have.
STEP 2
List all the choices currently available.
STEP 3
Consider the outcome of each choice.
STEP 4
Choose the option that best solves the problem.
STEP 5
Evaluate the success of your selection.
STEP 6
Make any necessary changes.
Now use the “Choice Model” together with the concept of time
management.
Life Style
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in Retirement
9
STEP 1
Problem:
- Too much time
STEP 2
Choices:
- Don’t retire
- Find a new job
- Start a small business
- Work part-time
- Engage in volunteer work
STEP 3
Consideration:
When we consider the outcome of each decision we
should look at what changes will occur with our time,
money, attitude and our physical well being (health).
Not retiring would cost us time and reduce our leisure
activities. With our current job the stress may be
mounting and we may no longer enjoy our career. It
could be getting physically tougher to continue at our
current pace. To compound the problem, we may be
in our peak earning years or have worked our way to
the top of the pay scale.
To find a new job, we must have the necessary skills
required to compete for the job. We will need to
spend time looking and applying for a position. We
may be required to move for the new employer or
possibly travel. We may earn higher rates of pay with
less benefits, or receive lower compensation and
have better benefits. There may be additional stress
created by “fitting in” with the new system. There is
also the possibility of a lower stress environment. We
will need to take a look at the physical demands of
the new job. Will we have to spend all day driving or
on our feet? Will there be any heavy lifting involved?
Life Style
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in Retirement
10
The idea of starting a small business may sound
good, but we will need to consider all that would be
involved. We may be forced to spend all of our time
running the business. The amount of money that is
required may be substantial or it may take only small
amounts of our time and money by simply being an
extension of a current hobby. The psychological
reward of a job well done may be worth more than the
financial rewards. As we age, the physical demands
may prevent us from keeping up with the business
enterprise.
Working part-time might be a possible alternative.
We would have something to occupy some of our free
time and yet allow us to spend the majority of our time
on the things we want to do. The extra income,
added to our pension and social security, may allow
us to expand our horizons even more. The
psychological rewards of still being needed, as well as
the social rewards of new peers, will help our mental
well-being. On the other hand, the work environment
may create more demands than the money is worth.
The amount of energy we exert could be very low, or
so much that we will not have the stamina to do the
things we’ve waited so long to do.
Life Style
Adjustments
in Retirement
11
Volunteer work may be a great way to utilize some of
our time. The amount of time we spend can be
tailored to our individual needs. Sometimes, however,
volunteer work may place greater and greater
demands on our time. On the other hand, we can
receive tremendous satisfaction in fighting for a cause
we believe in. The interaction with others who share
our concerns is, often, quite stimulating and will help
us to meet new people. But there may also be times
when the outcome of our work may be frustrating
because things don’t go as we perceived they should.
There is the increased risk of becoming singleminded in our mission. Fortunately though, the
physical requirements can be tailored to our personal
abilities.
STEP 4
Best Option: We decide upon part-time work, doing
something we feel we will enjoy.
STEP 5
Evaluate Success: After several months we must
see if we are satisfied with the amount of time we are
using in this part-time endeavor. Do we want to do
more or less? Is the income necessary? Could we
make more money doing something more enjoyable?
Is the extra income pushing us into an unfavorable tax
position or causing the loss of other financial
benefits? We must evaluate the psychological
rewards from this job. Are we meeting new people?
Are we being treated with dignity or being burdened
with additional problems? Physically, can we
continue at this pace or is something less demanding
desired?
STEP 6
Action: Make any necessary changes and reevaluate them after several more months.
You may need to return to step one and start over as
you experiment to find the right solution. New
alternatives may be added, such as enjoying a life of
leisure, rather than taking a working option. We may
decide to get active in sports or read books or
possibly travel. Our needs monetarily, as well as
physically, may change. What is perfect today may
be impossible later.
We will look at our “Choice Model” from time to time
as it relates to other decisions we will need to make.
Let’s further explore the lifestyles we’ve just looked at.
Life Style
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in Retirement
12
LIFESTYLE OPTIONS
Many individuals who are eligible to retire often prolong their
decision because of the uncertainty of what lies ahead. They may
be too young to live off their pension and savings, or not yet eligible
for Social Security. Others quit their present jobs the day they
become eligible for full benefits and find new opportunities to make
money and stay busy.
Keeping Your Present Job
There may be several reasons for an individual to stay with his
present occupation and employer. The most obvious reason is the
financial reward a current job offers. We may not be financially
able to retire. Our current debts and expenditures may use up all
our present income and we might not be able to live on less. We
may have inadequate personal savings to last us the balance of our
lives. We may have spent our entire working years to get to our
current position and pay scale. Switching to a new career or
company may mean a lower position, less money for the same job,
or even worse, more work.
We may be very comfortable, mentally, in our present position. We
know exactly what is expected of us, and have all the skills
necessary to perform all the tasks that are required. We may truly
enjoy the function we perform and the satisfaction of a job well
done. The people we work with, and for, may give us the
recognition we need for personal satisfaction and high self-esteem.
Our co-workers may help to reinforce our personal views and, in
reality, may be our best friends.
Life Style
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in Retirement
13
Our work schedule and the amount of vacation time may allow us
enough freedom to do other things we are interested in. We might
not be ready for all the free time that we will have during retirement.
Our spouse may be younger, or not eligible to retire, and we would
end up all alone in our ventures until they retire.
Our current job may be the only thing that keeps us physically
active. On the other hand, we may enjoy our position because it
does not require a great amount of physical activity and, as a
result, we have a great deal of energy to spend on outside
interests.
Keeping our present job may also deprive us of other rewards. We
may not have the time to do all the things we would like to do.
There may be opportunities that would pay us more for our talents
and abilities. Higher levels of growth and satisfaction could be
obtained. Reduced physical and emotional stress may be
desirable, but not possible, in our present situation.
Finding A New Job
Looking for new employment can be one of the worst experiences
an individual will encounter. The amount of time researching
companies and getting interviews can seem endless. We need to
spend time going through self-analysis trying to determine what we
would like to do. We have to inventory our skills and prepare a
resume. We may need additional training to update our present
skills. We might face the task of spending time learning entirely
new skills.
Beyond the time commitment, we need to look at the financial
implications of changing employers. Will the pay be sufficient for
us to maintain our current lifestyle and meet our debt obligations?
How much money will be spent in the transition from one job to
another? Will we need to spend money on upgrading our skills or
spend hard earned savings to learn entirely new skills? We must
perform a thorough analysis of our current and prospective benefit
packages. What benefits will we lose during the transition and
what new benefits can we look forward to?
Life Style
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in Retirement
14
We will need to be prepared mentally to handle three transitions:
1.
2.
3.
Leaving our present employer
Time period between leaving and starting work with another
employer.
Starting the new job.
The first transition will be leaving our present employer. Most
individuals have reached a comfort zone with their present
employer. They know exactly what is required of them and how the
system works. Many co-workers are well-known and our
relationships with them have become well established. You will,
undoubtedly, miss some of the people you have worked with in the
past.
The second transition will be in adjusting during the period when
you leave one employer and start working for the next. If you have
planned properly, this will be the easiest of the transitional periods.
When we are forced out of our current position, this stage is the
most frightening. We feel compelled to find a new job. Stress will
mount as we become frustrated in finding a new position or career.
We may have a severance package that will lessen the impact of a
job search, but as funds are depleted, including our personal
savings, the stress may become overwhelming. The time we
spend idle will strain relationships with our family and friends, as
well as cause turmoil within ourselves. It is extremely important
that you act prudently during this period and not jump at the first job
that comes along.
STOP
ACTION PLAN:
•
•
Life Style
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15
Fully consider aspects of new employment.
List pros and cons of new employment, including:
Money
Time
Enjoyment
The last transition is starting the new job. There will be many
adjustments during the initial phase of this period. We will be
unaware of what expectations are being placed on us. We will
have our own expectations of what our job will be. We will have to
understand the new system and forget about the way we were used
to doing things. We will need to understand the positions of our
new boss and let those working for us get a chance to adapt to our
personality. Some of the new people we work with will welcome us
with open arms, while others will see us as an intrusion upon their
space and possible advancement. The work hours may be
different from our previous job and may create more changes on
the home front and our social life.
The physical requirements of doing the little extras and trying to
show how valuable we are will take its toll. The new career may
require more energy than you are accustomed to. Hopefully, it will
be less demanding than your old job.
Starting A Small Business
The idea of owning a small business has appealed to many of us at
one time or another. We frequently see someone running a
business and wonder how they can possibly make money under
their current methods of operation. There have been other times
that the demand or location of a particular business seems to be a
“can’t miss” proposition. When considering the advantages,
owning a business may seem perfect. Owning a business can
provide the opportunity to do something enjoyable, set desirable
work hours, and you do not have to answer to someone else. Then
why doesn’t everyone go into business for themselves? Starting and
running a successful business is seldom luck. The amount of time,
money, stress and physical resources can shut you down in a hurry.
The following is a quick review of what it takes to make it work.
Life Style
Adjustments
in Retirement
16
•
Analyze Yourself
The first action you must take is to attempt a thorough investigation
of yourself. You must decide if you would be willing to work every
hour you’re awake. You may decide on a 9 to 5 business, but the
worries of the business will be with you around the clock. Self
discipline is a must for anyone considering starting a business.
Here is a list of questions that you may want to consider.
STOP
ACTION PLAN:
Type your answers to the following questions:
1.
Would you be willing to forsake all else to make your dream
come true?
Yes
2.
No
What would come first, family time or the business?
Family Time
3.
Would you work part-time or full-time?
Part-Time
4.
Life Style
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17
No
Do you have experience in this field?
Yes
8.
No
Do you have any business experience?
Yes
7.
No
Can you accept failures?
Yes
6.
Full-Time
Are you a self-starter?
Yes
5.
Business
No
How creative are you?
Not At All
A Little
Extremely
9.
Are you a good communicator?
Yes
No
10.
What special skills do you have?
11.
Will these skills help you in your self-employment activities?
Yes
12.
Will you need help organizing the business?
Yes
13.
No
Will you enjoy working through middlemen?
Yes
16.
No
Do you enjoy working with the public?
Yes
15.
No
Will you need help running the business?
Yes
14.
No
No
Have you taken any classes in:
•
Accounting?
Yes
•
•
•
Business Law?
Yes
No
Yes
No
Taxes?
Computers?
Yes
•
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No
Marketing?
Yes
Life Style
No
No
•
Analyze The Business
If your idea is so great, why hasn’t anyone tried it before you? If
someone has done it before you, what made them successful?
How will you compete against these established businesses?
These questions should tell you that you must closely scrutinize
your idea. When you analyze the business you must look at every
possible angle. You should consider the following questions when
doing your analysis:
•
Are you going to start a new business or buy an existing
one?
– Why are they selling?
•
Have you defined what your business will do?
•
Do you have the skills to be everyone in the business?
– Will you handle sales?
– Who will deliver the product or service?
– Who will be answer the phone and perform the office
duties?
– Who is responsible for product development?
– Who will keep the books and pay taxes?
– Who will you rely upon for risk management?
– Who will maintain inventories as well as place
orders for supplies?
Life Style
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•
What products or services will you provide?
•
What is your target market?
•
How will you reach your potential customer?
•
Who is your competition?
– What are their strengths?
– What are their weaknesses?
•
Where will you work?
– Will the location matter?
•
What type of equipment will you need?
– Will you buy used or new?
– Will you lease or buy?
•
Have you developed detailed month-to-month cash
projections?
–
–
–
–
•
Cash inflows?
Cash outflows?
Personal cash requirements?
Cash needs?
Is the business a franchise?
–
–
–
–
Have you talked to other franchise owners?
What are your rights in the franchise agreement?
What responsibilities will you have?
How much freedom is there for you to do it your
way?
– Has your attorney looked at the agreement?
•
Are you familiar with business law?
•
What types of insurance coverages will you need?
– How much will it cost?
•
Will you stay small or try to grow?
•
What type of help will you need?
– What type of benefits will you offer?
– Will you hire employees or independent contractors?
Life Style
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•
Are you familiar with workers’ compensation laws in your
state?
•
Who will do the payroll?
•
How much money will you need to get started?
•
Will you need a loan from the bank?
– Do you have a formal business plan to show
them?
– What will you offer as collateral for the loan?
– What will the monthly payment be?
•
Will you look for alternative ways to finance the venture?
–
–
–
–
•
What type of business entity will you select?
–
–
–
–
–
•
Do you want partners?
Will they be active or passive?
Does the idea of venture capital interest you?
Have you checked government sources?
Sole Proprietorship?
Partnership?
Regular C Corporation?
S Corporation?
Limited Liability Company?
What standards will you impose upon yourself?
– Your suppliers?
– Your customers?
– Your employees?
Life Style
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These items represent only some of the issues involved in the
research and review process necessary before a business is
started. Maybe now you will know why there are not as many
successful small businesses as you might expect. The failure to do
the necessary research might explain why there is over a 66%
failure rate among businesses in the first five years!!!
The amount of time spent on setting up the business will determine
the final outcome. You must decide how many hours a day you
want to work, and what days you will be open for business. In the
initial stages, you will have the time to do as you please, but if
you’re as good as you think you are, demand will come knocking.
You will need to set priorities between your personal life and that of
the business.
Too many people get so wrapped up in their business that there is
no time for family and friends. When they do try to socialize, they
spend the entire time talking about their business to others. Many
small business owners work from morning to night because they
cannot afford or trust anyone else with their business. The
opposite is true for other business owners. They don’t spend
adequate time setting up the business. They often work when they
please, not really worrying about customer needs. They approach
the business with a wait and see attitude. Time is their worst
enemy. They hate to go to work and become bored waiting all day
for something to happen. They can’t wait to escape back to their
personal lives. Frequently, they end up working for someone else.
Life Style
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The amount of money that businesses require can be small, but
quite often can be an individual's entire life savings. Turning a
hobby into a business can be the least costly in terms of time and
money. You are already experienced in the product and will have
most of the necessary equipment and materials. Often times
hobbies, such as crafts, are labor intensive but do not require huge
capital investments. Other businesses may be purchased from a
previous owner. If this is the case, find out how they arrived at the
price. Is it based upon the net worth of the business? Upon
revenues? Or upon net income? Again the key question is “why
are they selling?” What money are you using for the business? Is
it your retirement fund or your investment money? Is it money you
can afford to lose? Are the financial rewards substantial enough to
justify the risk? You need to consider the consequences of your
actions if the business does not work. Will you be left with
adequate financial resources to continue your lifestyle or will you be
forced to work for the rest of your life? What will be the value of the
business in years ahead? Is it something you could sell or leave to
family members?
Psychologically, owning a business and working for yourself can
prove to be quite difficult, yet very rewarding. If this sounds like a
contradiction, then you get an idea of the tennis match that will be
going on in your mind. You will feel a great deal of frustration in
running a business. You will want perfection in the final product,
but if you employ others, they may not be as dedicated to the task.
You will be upset when sales are down and complaining if sales are
greater than production. You will expect everything you need from
suppliers to be on time and meet your specifications, and find this
not to be the case. You, undoubtedly, will want to make all the
decisions yet find you will be forced to do as others suggest or
demand. Your relationship with employees will be one of love and
hate. Since you own the business, family and friends will expect
you to give them a deal or to do them favors. Your work will often
interfere with your personal life and family relationships. You may
be faced with a deadline that conflicts with a special event, like a
graduation or a wedding. The amount of stress can literally burn
you out and eliminate the drive you started with. No one promised
it was going to be easy.
Now that we've examined the stark realities associated with owning
a business, let's look at some of the unparalleled rewards. Having
your own business allows tax benefits unavailable to employed
individuals. You manage your creative impulses to make profits.
And you can make a lot of money. So, fun and money versus
drudgery and stress. Which is it? Probably all of the above. And
you are the ingredient that decides which force will dominate.
Life Style
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in Retirement
23
Working Part Time
Many retirees like the idea of working part-time. They have plenty
of time on their hands and this is an excellent way to spend some
of that time. Once we retire, we’ll be able to adjust the days we
work to fit our leisure lifestyle. We will have the freedom to work
different hours of the day or possibly work in the evening. We can
work more in the winter when there is less to do and less in the
summer when there is typically more to do. Wouldn’t it be nice to
do that now!
The additional money we derive from part-time employment can be
a bonus. It will allow us to protect our nest egg for a longer period
of time. We will have additional funds to enjoy more of all that life
has to offer. The dollars could be used to travel, to meet more
people, or even spoil the grandchildren. The amount of pay will
generally be lower than full-time employment, but we won’t be
financially “locked-in” to our employer. There are many companies
looking for temporary help and part-time workers. The reason for
this is that it is less expensive to have part-time employees on the
payroll because most benefit payments are eliminated. This won’t
make a difference in your working situation if you have full benefits
from a previous employer. Some may even be able to develop a
small pension.
Life Style
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24
STOP
ACTION PLAN:
List 5 part time jobs you would consider;
Job
Hrs
Money
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Life Style
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25
You may find a job that you like, one that gives you a sense of self
worth. If you look long enough or hard enough, you may find a job
that allows you to do something you have wanted to do for a long
time. The emotional rewards of "fitting in" and having people
around you can be of greater benefit than the paycheck. Finding
new friends and learning new ideas can be another benefit of
finding another job. In retirement, when looking for part-time work,
find something that will not be too stressful. Get a position where
you can walk out the door and leave your work and, especially, your
frustrations behind. Mentally we are geared to making a
contribution and part-time work will help us satisfy that feeling.
Physically you will want to be able to enjoy yourself outside of work.
Many of the jobs available will not require great physical demands.
Try to find a job that fits you, not one where you must fit into it.
There is nothing wrong with physical labor as long as your body
can handle it and you are not putting too much strain on yourself to
keep up. Many of the companies who hire older individuals know
their physical limitations and see their willingness to get things
done.
Volunteer Work
With volunteer work we can use some of our time for a worthwhile
cause. During our working years, there was always something we
would have liked to do but, because of time and monetary
constraints, could not afford. This includes doing work for the
church, hospitals, the elderly, or even with youth groups. There are
many individuals who are not as fortunate as our selves. By
spending some of our time in helping them, we will have paid
something referred to as “social rent”. Again, with volunteer
activities we will be able to work the hours of the days we choose.
There will be no time clock to punch or boss breathing down our
back. Be careful with volunteer activities. Do not become “too
involved”. Many people, by nature, cannot say “no”. The more
work you do, the more people will ask you to do. Try to be
pleasant, but firm, in your availability for helping others. There may
be political causes you will want to rally behind. You could join
groups to roll back taxes, increase benefits for the elderly, stop
environmental waste or even back a local politician. The
possibilities are almost endless. Today there are an estimated
175,000 organized volunteer groups.
Remember, volunteer work does not provide monetary
compensation. Make sure you truly believe in the activity you are
volunteering for so that the work will be satisfying. When we
worked full-time, the financial rewards made up for doing things we
might not have liked. Now we should enjoy what we are doing or
find a suitable substitute.
Life Style
Adjustments
in Retirement
26
The psychological gratification of volunteering is without equal. We
will be working with others who share our commitment. We will
meet new people who share our ideas and goals. This feeling of
camaraderie is only one reward. We will be doing something we
want to do and not something we need to do. It is estimated that
one-third of all retirees become involved with volunteer work. The
greatest reward comes from enhancing our mental health.
Volunteering keeps our mind active in addition to giving us peace of
mind. We feel very positive due to the gratification we receive in
helping others.
Physically, we can find some level of involvement that is
challenging yet not exhausting. We might start off being extremely
active doing many physical chores. As our body slows down we
may need to find less demanding roles within the organization. You
should let others know your capabilities and the functions you
prefer to do. Remember, you are not a slave or second class
citizen to those who are being paid for administering the
organization. Sadly, many volunteers are assigned tasks others do
not wish to do. Make your feelings known. Volunteer work should
be heart-warming, not mentally stressful.
Up to this point we have ignored a life of pure leisure. A life of
leisure is not as easy as it sounds. Let’s explore this option in more
detail.
A Life of Leisure
Time management is a large task when deciding not to work, to
start a new business, or to do volunteer work. How can we keep
active, mentally and physically, without exhausting our bodies or
our monies? A life of pure leisure is something we all may have
dreamed about, but never really sat down and mapped out over a
long period of time.
STOP
ACTION PLAN:
•
•
Life Style
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27
List desired activities
List obstacles
Try the following exercise:
What types of activities would you do if time, money, and your
health permitted?
What has prevented you from doing them already?
Which of these activities have you done in the past?
Life Style
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in Retirement
28
What was enjoyable about these activities?
Throughout our lives we have done many of the things we wanted.
Our incomes may have allowed us to vacation and travel. Our
health and physical stamina, hopefully, did not impose any serious
limitations. We usually could find time that accrued through
compensating days or vacation days. We were also limited by
these same factors. We might not have had the time to stay
longer on our trips. We could have been restricted because of
family demands such as children in school, sick parents, or the lack
of funds. During retirement we will have more time and freedom
from everyday demands. We possibly could be limited, however,
by our income, savings and health. Let’s explore some of the
activities we may want to enjoy during our retirement. Some of
these activities will be passive activities that require the use of
moderate or low energy. Other activities will demand active
participation and require that we have some degree of physical
ability.
List some passive activities.
Life Style
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in Retirement
29
List some active functions.
At the end of this module we have included a partial list of activities
you may want to consider in addition to those already mentioned.
Now is the time to start looking and experimenting with some of
these extracurricular activities.
Let’s return to our CHOICE MODEL and evaluate the
appropriateness of our desire for a LIFE OF LEISURE.
Life Style
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A Life of Leisure and The Choice Model
STEP 1
Problem:
- What will we do with our time?
STEP 2
Choices:
- We could live from moment to moment.
- We could read books.
- We could participate in sports.
- We could pick up a hobby.
- We could watch TV.
- We could travel.
- We could take classes.
- We could engage in social events.
The list is endless.
STEP 3
Life Style
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31
Outcome:
We must look at short, medium, and long range
implications of each choice. For example, trying to
live from moment to moment will allow us to fill our
down time with whatever we are in the mood to do.
The problem is, we may spend most of our time
thinking about what to do instead of doing it. We
could end up spending our time on meaningless
outings just to fill our clock or calendar. We may
stumble onto fun adventures or learning experiences
but it would be random chance. Wouldn’t you rather
spend these precious moments doing something you
knew you wanted to do? Reading books will fill time,
but do you want to lock up all your time turning
pages? Wouldn’t you rather experience some of the
things you’re reading about on a first hand basis?
Participating in sports will also fill time but you can’t
golf everyday. Outdoor sports require the cooperation
of the elements. Indoor sports can be used to
supplement these outdoor activities. Watching TV is
a “no-brainer”. You can fill entire days sitting on a
couch with your remote control. Traveling, without a
doubt, could occupy every minute of our lives.
Jumping around from place to place, taking
advantage of everything there is to see and do in a
town, state, or even country would take several
lifetimes. Taking classes would fill in much of our idle
time and give us a schedule to work around. Most of
us couldn’t put up with sitting in a classroom every
day of every week. Social activities like dancing,
bingo and playing cards could be used as fillers for
our down times. Many local newspapers publish
calenders of upcoming events from which we can
choose.
Life Style
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in Retirement
32
•
Financial Implications
Trying to live moment to moment will send us on a roller coaster
ride financially. There will be days we spend little or no money, but
then too we could experience days or even weeks where we will
spend as if there is no tomorrow. When we wake up one day and
decide on a trip, we will pack up and head out. Without proper
planning, we will have no idea what things will cost. Undoubtedly,
we want to enjoy the places we visit which usually requires
spending money. Upon returning home, totalling all the money
spent, and all the items charged, we might wind up feeling broke for
several weeks.
STOP
ACTION PLAN:
List 5 places you want to go;
Places
How Long
Money
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Life Style
Adjustments
in Retirement
33
The idea of pleasure travel appeals to most individuals. Who has
not dreamed of unlimited wealth where we would be free to go
wherever we wanted, whenever we wanted? Travel is an
expensive proposition. The purchasing of airline tickets, the hotel
bills, and the cost of a taxi or car rental can add up in a hurry. Even
if we decide to drive, the cost of gas and maintenance to our auto
will increase. It may require more nights lodging since our journey
will be slower than flying. We will want to see various landmarks
and visit large attractions, all of which will cost money. More often
than not, we will eat out, thus inflating the cost of our trip. When
you decide to travel, plan well in advance to keep the costs to a
minimum and pleasure to a maximum. Call the state or country
and ask for the visitor information bureau. They can supply
brochures of things to do, phone numbers of places to contact and
relevant price information. There may be special packages
available through travel agents that will reduce your costs and
include scheduled activities. Very appealing discounts are often
available through travel clubs for those who can leave on short
notice (one to two weeks). Your flexible lifestyle may make these
opportunities ideal for you. Many hotels and attractions offer
discounts to senior citizens.
Reading books is an activity that won’t cause us to spend a fortune.
By taking advantage of free publications and going to the library we
can drastically reduce our outlays. If your desire to read becomes
insatiable and the library doesn’t stock the types of books you like,
you may end up spending a few dollars. The trick is not to buy
books you won’t read, and establish a monthly budget for
purchases.
Attending sporting events and actively participating can have mixed
financial implications. If you decide on playing tennis, for example,
you usually can find schools or parks that have courts available at
no cost. During the winter months (depending on the location) you
may be required to join a club or rent court time. Other sports, like
golf, can be quite expensive. By the time you get the necessary
equipment and pay for green fees and cart rental, the costs can
start to mount. Try to find courses that offer discounts. Many have
senior citizens discounts or slow days and times when fees are
reduced to attract more play. Many municipalities have city courses
or county courses where fees are lower for residents.
Life Style
Adjustments
in Retirement
34
Hobbies, much like sports, can be low cost or require the outlay of
large sums of money. Watching TV is a very low cost leisure
activity. With the availability of cable and pay-per-view we can
watch whatever our mind desires. There are stations dedicated to
showing first run movies, all day sports and even financial news.
Many public access channels offer documentaries, political
conventions, and community calendars.
Taking classes will generally not strain our resources. We can
attend many community education programs for a nominal fee.
Other seminars are free. If you want to take college classes, look
at the community colleges first. Their fees are generally less and
you won’t need to spend as much money commuting. Make sure
you understand all the fees associated with attending a particular
college. Many fees are charged on top of tuition.
Attending social events can be free or involve some nominal
donation or cost. Remember, no matter what the activity, set and
maintain a budget to control costs.
•
Psychological Implications
Reading books can help our growth process. We will learn new
words, disciplines or ideas. Reading can serve as reinforcement
for our ideas and concepts or as the stimulation of becoming a
master on a new subject. We can read about far away places and
experience being there without the cost of travel. If you like
mysteries, you may keep your mind active trying to outguess the
author.
Life Style
Adjustments
in Retirement
35
Sports can help us to feel better about ourselves as we continue to
maintain our physical condition in our later years. We may find
ourselves doing things we only dreamed of in the past. Sports can
create an inner drive to excel and win. Be careful not to let sports
get the best of you. Do not get mad at yourself and frustrated.
REMEMBER, it is only a game!! The object is to be the best you
can be within your talents - and to enjoy!
STOP
ACTION PLAN:
Professional Loafing
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Hang out at local colleges.
Hang out at the local courthouse and watch trials.
Community meetings.
Browsing flea markets and garage sales.
Museum loitering.
Hobbies are an emotionally satisfying activity. Many of us feel the
need to work. A Duke University Center on Aging study revealed
that 52% of men got more satisfaction from work than leisure. The
same study found 55% of woman enjoyed work more than leisure.
A hobby is work we enjoy doing without financial rewards; the
largest reward comes from a job well done. The idea that we have
set our mind to something and have reached some goal or
conclusion is reward enough.
Watching TV can stimulate our interests. Like reading books, we
can learn new facts and see far away places. We can find personal
joy in seeing the successes of others. TV can also create a
negative impact. We may see the hardships of others and relate
them to our personal lives, leaving us with a feeling of depression.
We may often get frustrated by seeing something we do not agree
with and not being able to express our feelings or opinions.
Life Style
Adjustments
in Retirement
36
Travel for most individuals seems to be a low stress form of leisure
activity. How can anyone not enjoy the peace of mind that travel
has to offer or the excitement of looking in amazement at what prior
generations or times have created? Seeing futuristic designs and
technological advances gives us cause to wonder “what’s next” or
how far can mankind can go? Anyone who has traveled can also tell
you about the other side of the coin: delayed flights, missed
connections, lost luggage, etc. Going to places where language
barriers exist can create problems, getting lost, road construction,
traffic jams, and poorly marked roadways can all create much
frustration. We often hear the words “never again” when people talk of
their experiences. Ask others about their travels to see if there are
any special things or places they recommend. Also try to learn by
their mistakes when they talk about a bad trip (like going somewhere
during the rainy season). Proper research and planning will reduce
the probability of negative feelings.
Taking classes will create anxiety in some people. The fact that
they may not have been in a classroom for 30 or 40 years can be
intimidating. You are there to learn, not to impress other students
with your scholastic abilities. You should try to make this learning
experience enjoyable. Use this opportunity to meet other people,
young and old, who share your interest in the particular subject.
Doing well or earning a good grade can do wondrous things for a
person's attitude.
Social events will give us the opportunity to meet new friends. We
can tell our stories and learn from others. These events will allow
us to build friendships that may last forever. We will get the feeling
of fitting in with others who enjoy similar functions. We can
experiment with different groups to find new joys and interests. For
those people who are inward and reserved, social events can be
scary. These people should gradually get involved to see what is in
store for them. They should look at the positive aspects of the
event and not worry about other people. People who are outgoing
will approach them and help them overcome their inner fears.
Life Style
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in Retirement
37
•
Physical Implications
By living from moment to moment we can adjust our activities to fit our
physical condition at the time. When we are well rested we can do
more physical activities. When we are drained we can take
advantage of less strenuous functions. Reading books does not
require much physical ability. As long as our eyesight remains
good we can read unlimited numbers of books. There are many
sporting activities which require conditioned bodies. We must be
able to endure the stress that they place on our body. Engaging in
sports would seem more appropriate in our younger retirement
years. We might be able to participate in later years, but do not
“overdo it”. Travel will not impose too many restrictions upon
us physically. People of all ages can travel, although we
might not want to backpack through the mountains for
adventure! Some physical problems can make travel
a lower priority. For example, as we grow old,
driving may become more difficult, especially at
night, when our vision might not be as good as it
once was. Taking classes will not place any
stress on our bodies, but may impose some
mental stress that can create a drain upon our
entire body. Some social activities, such as dancing,
will use up more energy than going to play bingo.
Again, we should do those activities that tax our body
when we are in the best condition, usually in the early retirement
years.
STEP 4
Life Style
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in Retirement
38
Solution:
Most likely, various options will be used. All the
options have some merit. Any one of them in
moderation will fit into our lifestyle adjustment. We
will take advantage of activities that require us to be
more physically fit now, and as time goes on evolve
into the activities that require less physical
involvement.
STOP
ACTION PLAN:
Make a list of things you want to do.
Life Style
Adjustments
in Retirement
39
1.
6.
2.
7.
3.
8.
4.
9.
5.
10.
STEP 5
Evaluate Success:
From time to time we will need to look at what brings
about the best feelings in us. Changes will have to be
made because of physical changes within our body.
We need to watch our money so that it lasts as long
as we do. This could require us to change our whole
plan for a life of leisure.
STEP 6
Review:
Eliminate those activities that simply fill time without
any substantial rewards. Stay away from functions
that create too much physical or mental stress. Do
not involve yourself in areas that threaten your
retirement budget. Very simply put... DO THE
THINGS YOU ENJOY THAT DON’T STRESS YOUR
MIND, YOUR BODY, OR YOUR CHECKBOOK.
CHANGING RELATIONSHIPS
The people around us and our interaction with them will also
change over time. We will need to adjust our attitudes and
relationships in order to enjoy our later years. Our children will no
longer be babies. Our social circle will change as we grow older
and we will lose friends as well as, hopefully, add new ones. There
is no doubt we must remain open-minded and adjust to things we
cannot change.
Current statistics for the “over 65” age group indicate that about
75% of men and 40% of women live with a spouse; 7% of men and
17% of women live with other relatives; the balance (18% men and
43% women) live alone or with non-relatives. These figures should
tell us that retirement may mean different lifestyles for men and
women. This being true, it can also be contended that there are
many similarities between men and women in preparing for the
psychological changes of retirement. We will first explore the
needs and characteristics common to both before we analyze the
differences that exist.
Relationships With Parents
Life Style
Adjustments
in Retirement
40
Many of us look forward to the freedom that retirement will bring.
We feel as if we will no longer have to fight with the tasks of raising
a family. Our family, however, consists of parents who have aged
as quickly as we have. By the time most of us will be retiring, our
parents will be in their final years. Our focus will be shifted from
caring for the young to caring for the old. Physical problems and
limitations will increase their need for help from others. We know
that no one else could come close to the love and attention we
could offer our parents. Some of the problems that arise may have
easy solutions, while others may create demands that come into
conflict with our retirement plans. We should prepare for the
contingencies by having open dialogues with our parents in
advance of future problems.
Some of the items you should discuss are listed below in the form of
questions so they can assist you in your planning with parents.
STOP
ACTION PLAN:
Prepare a Valuable Papers Inventory for your parents. Keep it in a
safe place. Sample copy is in the “Forms” section.
•
Have you prepared all the necessary legal documents?
–
–
–
–
–
•
Are all your financial affairs in order?
–
–
–
–
–
–
•
Is your will current?
Have you established a trust?
Do you have a durable power of attorney?
Do you have a living will?
How is your property titled?
Have you prepared a list of your valuable papers?
Where are your insurance policies?
Have you considered long term care?
Where are your prior years' tax returns?
Who handles your bank accounts?
What about other investments?
What would you do if your spouse died?
– Where would you like to live?
– What would you like to do?
– Would you consider remarriage?
The retirement inventory in the “Forms” section may be copied
and given to your parents. It will take you through many of the
steps and questions that need to be addressed. It is hoped that
this guide will also help you to assist your family in taking all the
necessary steps, as well as helping you to adjust to the changes
that will occur in the future.
Life Style
Adjustments
in Retirement
41
Caregiving
All the planning in the world cannot solve the greatest problem of
who will provide the care if mom or dad needs it ??? Many of
us, especially women, will act as care-givers at some point in time.
A good portion of our plans will be delayed, or eliminated, because
our love for our parents will not allow us to let go. The time we
thought would be hard to fill can turn out to be a daily routine of
caring for someone other than ourselves. We may need to act as a
nurse, giving needed prescriptions at the right time and in the right
amount. As your parents age, they will, undoubtedly, be prescribed
medication by their doctor. The dosages and effects can become
confusing. Taking too much, or not enough, can be fatal. We will
explore this more in the health section. We may need to be an
orderly, giving baths and helping the person to get around. Often
we will be like a doctor, with more knowledge about an illness than
anyone else. We may need to act like a
restaurant, preparing special meals at
different times of the day. Housekeeping
services, such as laundry and cleaning, will
need to be done. We may end up as
financial advisors, trying to squeeze out as
much as we can from limited resources.
We may need to act as the psychologist
and help them get through tough times, like
losing a spouse or close
friend. Think about the
changes this may make in
your life.
Life Style
Adjustments
in Retirement
42
The hobbies we were interested in will have to wait. The trips we
were going to take might have to be postponed. The part-time job
or small business we planned may now be caring for our loved
ones. Financially, our resources may be spent on our parents and
not our dreams.
If it took all the money you had to keep your parents alive, would
you spend it? The answer is obvious. Your plans may need to be
changed to get by on less money or to return to work later. The
move to another state, or a new home, may be modified by our new
commitment. Physically, you may use every ounce of energy you
have to care for others, leaving very little for your own personal
needs. The amount of psychological turmoil created may wear you
out sooner than the aging process. You will be pouring out
everything you have to offer and, sooner or later, you will see that
you cannot be a fountain of youth. You may envision yourself with
the same problems down the road and lose the ambition you once
had for your own personal goals. You must realize that there are
things you cannot change and, therefore, must adjust to the best of
your ability. You will need support from others who have
encountered the same situation. They will be able to offer you
advice from past experience. Your spouse will also need to make
adjustments to understand your situation and provide you with the
support you, undoubtedly, will need. Friends can end up being
pushed aside because your time is being spent elsewhere. You
must make a conscious effort to enjoy your life, too! Hopefully, you
will have brothers or sisters that live close by and are willing to help.
Even if they cannot be there physically to help, you can talk to them
in order to reinforce your decisions and help you make the right
choices. Most of the decisions you will make for your aging parents
will not be a matter of life or death. Take your time in gathering
information, speaking to family, friends or religious leaders and use
the choice model to guide you. The more alternatives you explore
and information you collect, the easier the decision will become.
Life Style
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in Retirement
43
STOP
ACTION PLAN:
List who you may be a caregiver to in the next 10 years.
Name
Age
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Caregiving is not restricted to moms and dads. It may involve
caring for brothers, sisters, children or even aunts and uncles.
Current statistics show a woman spends an average of 17 years
caring for children and 18 years caring for adult relatives. This is
often referred to as the “sandwich generation”. Other estimates
say about 25% of the current work force spend time caring for
relatives at an average of six hours per week. They slip in time
before work, during lunch hours, and on the way home. Some
even cheat employers by spending valuable time on the phone, or
taking “sick days” to run errands, such as taking relatives to the
doctor or hospital. Many employers are aware of these problems
and offer assistance to their employees. The business world is just
beginning to open its eyes to this dilemma. Various programs such
as flextime, seminars and counseling are being offered.
Life Style
Adjustments
in Retirement
44
NOTE: IF ONE FAMILY MEMBER HAS BECOME A CAREGIVER
FOR ANOTHER, YOU MAY CONSIDER OFFERING YOUR HELP,
YOUR TIME, POSSIBLY YOUR MONEY, AND YOUR EMOTIONAL
SUPPORT CAN’T HURT. TRY PUTTING YOURSELF IN THEIR
SHOES AND SEE WHAT TYPE OF SUPPORT YOU WOULD
LIKE FROM THEM.
There can also be many good times in store for you as well. Your
parents may be healthy and extremely active. They will want to
visit you and you will want to visit them. You may end up sharing
many memorable moments with them. Birthday parties for your
grandchildren and their great-grandchildren, holidays and even
vacations together are all possibilities. Your parents may have
enough money to live their lives to the fullest. They may have
developed social circles of friends and live lives totally independent
from you. You should let your parents live their own lifestyle
without your interference. You should allow them to make their
own decisions for as long as possible. If they want to do things or
spend money on things you don’t agree with, don’t lecture them.
After all, it’s their money and their time. They earned it, so let them
enjoy it.
Your function is to support them and comfort them. They may
decide to remarry after the death of their spouse. Rather than give
them all your reasons not to do it, listen to their reasons for
wanting to do it. You should try to be there for them when they
need it. When something troubles them, comfort them with the fact
that everything will be all right. Try not to burden them with your
problems. The best advice is to put yourself in their position. How
would you like to be treated? Would you want your children telling
you what to do? Would you want someone telling you how to
spend your money?
Life Style
Adjustments
in Retirement
45
Relationships With Children
Many of the concerns you had about your parents will be shared by
your children about you. You need to let them know the steps you
have taken to make sure you are all set legally and financially. You
should convey your wishes for the future. You need to discuss
what type of living arrangements interest you, your thoughts on
remarriage, health care decisions and even burial preferences.
You will be confronted with two scenarios in dealing with your
children. The first is what you think about their lifestyle and how
you perceive they should be doing things. The second will be their
perception of you and attitudes they will have toward your thoughts
and actions.
Life Style
Adjustments
in Retirement
46
You have tried to raise your children
to be perfect sons or
daughters. You want them to
follow the path you have
created for them. You want
to see them do everything
right. This is where the
problem starts. What you see as best and what they see as best
may be two different views. You may think they spend their money
foolishly. They may think they make sound financial decisions.
You might not think they are making the right decisions with their
children. They may think they are not making the same mistakes
you made. You might object to their divorce and they may see it as
the only logical decision. You should rest assured that you did a
good job in raising them and, in the long run, they will do what’s
best. You should be empathic rather than interfering with their
decisions. After all, did you like it when your parents interfered with
your decisions or told you what you should be doing or were doing
wrong?
You must set limits on what is “using you” as a parent, as opposed to
“abusing you” as a parent. You should let your children know how
much you love your grandchildren and enjoy their company, but they
should know you did not retire to become a baby-sitter. This is the
number one area of abuse by children toward their parents. By the
same token, you should not visit the grandchildren too often or stay
too long when visiting. Your children need their freedom as much as
you need yours. It is usually appropriate to make a simple phone call
before showing up.
You should not place undue burden on your children to fill the void
that may be created when you retire. Often, parents who are
inactive will look to their children for stimulation. If you have the
feeling you do not see your children enough, you should examine
the reason why. You should determine if the reason is that they are
extremely busy or because of things you say or do while you visit.
Your children, just as you with your parents, will try to tell you how
to live your life. You might want to remarry and they may think it is
wrong or too soon. You might decide to move when they think you
should stay. There is little doubt that conflicts will occur. We
cannot plan for every contingency, but we can set the guidelines for
a healthy relationship. You would not be happy in retirement if you
walk away from your children, nor would you be happy if they
dominated your life.
Life Style
Adjustments
in Retirement
47
We must try to achieve a balance between too much and not
enough. The only way we can reach this goal is through open
communication and compromise. Even though your children are
grown, they may still need your support. You must let them know
you are there for them if they need you. A simple phone call once a
week or a short visit usually will do the trick. Try not to impose your
views upon them. Try to reinforce the ideals you taught them
earlier and the fact that everything will be all right in the long run.
Let them know you need their support in the decisions you make.
Stress that you value their input. Try to help them understand how
and why you arrived at your decision. Remain firm that the final
decision was yours to make and not theirs. Your children may
come to you for financial support as well. Whether to give them
money or loan it to them will depend upon their need for the cash
and the amount of money you have. Let them know you’re not a
bank. Tell them a story of someone you knew in similar
circumstances who managed to pull through it eventually.
It is often hard to tell someone you love how you truly feel. We do
not want to hurt their feelings or have them get angry. Some
conflict in every relationship is healthy. Think about disagreements
you’ve had with your best friend, spouse or business partner in the
past. You should use these as learning experiences and grow from
them. If these feelings are buried, they will only lead to larger and
more complicated problems in the future. Communication can be
enhanced by becoming a good listener. Try to hear what the
person is saying, not what you want to hear. Try to compromise by
meeting the other person more than half way. Remember good
friends are hard to find and family cannot be replaced, so do not
burn the bridges behind you. Agree on your right to disagree and
move on.
Relationships With Spouse
Life Style
Adjustments
in Retirement
48
Your relationship with your spouse during retirement will
force you to undergo many changes. Men have
traditionally made up the majority of the work force in the
past. The woman's role had been to handle the day-today maintenance of the family affairs. Today women
make up a significant portion of the labor force. Many
have entered the employment arena once their children
have grown. Younger generations of women are definitely
becoming more career-oriented and are filling key positions with
employers. Even without retirement, typical family roles are
changing. The husband’s role as the “breadwinner” has almost
disappeared. With both spouses working, each has had to adapt to
new duties and household responsibilities. We are now faced with
dual retirements and, more frequently than not, at different times.
Since many women are younger than their partner and entered
their careers later, they generally retire after their spouse. While you
both were working, the amount of time spent together was minimal;
often, as the saying goes, “like two ships passing in the night”. You
are going to have to be flexible and compromise in the
years ahead.
Our work schedule controlled
most of our time and, certainly,
dictated our scheduling of other
events. Certain chores were
delegated or assumed, based
on who was available to
perform them. A typical
example in the past might have been that one spouse cut the grass
on the weekend while the other did the grocery shopping. The
most common response to why we did not do everything we had
planned was “I didn’t have the time”. All this is going to change.
Husbands, potentially, will be at home an additional 50 to 60 hours
a week while their spouses continue to work. Conflicts will arise
because the husband will want to feel like he is making some
contribution to the overall good. The wife may come home to find
that the cupboards, that were just fine for the past 35 years, have
been rearranged. The wife may find the husband, who never had
time to do the grocery shopping in the past, now wants to come
along. She may find that with this “new help” she has been buying
all the wrong items for the past 35 years. This is just a small
sample of the types of changes that may occur.
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Both individuals should discuss the roles they want to assume
during their transitional period and during the retirement years.
Each must have activities where they will operate alone. This will
allow them independence to function as they wish. They will be
able to interact with a different set of people, in different functions.
An example might be the husband joining a golf league or a wife
joining a political action organization. Many activities will be shared
between the two spouses. You will need to know, in advance, who
will take primary responsibility and who will be the support person.
Cooking is a good example. You might want to know who is going
to make the salad, who is going to cook the main course and who is
making the dessert. Problems can begin to occur when one spouse
starts to infringe on the other spouse’s turf. Another problem area is
created when no one takes responsibility for a particular function.
Each party ends up defending themselves by saying “I thought you
were going to do it”.
Time together sounds like just the perfect thing as you walk across
the beach on a tropical island. Think about the amount of time you
spent together during the courting process. You engaged in
different activities, many of which were new to you. You had the
opportunity to experiment and get to know the other person, to find
out their likes and dislikes. Even after you thought you knew your
spouse, you were sometimes shocked when you found out things
about them you never knew before. As the relationship continued
and you both spent time on your careers or raising the family, the
opportunity to experiment and time spent alone together lessened.
What many of us do not realize, however, is that the needs and
wants of the other person were changing. We were so caught up in
our day-to-day routines we did not always empathize with the
routines of our spouse. Now you are going to be with that
person more than at any time in your life. You are going to get
to know your spouse as you have never known before. You may
find your spouse has changed quite a bit from the person you first
dated and, ultimately, thought you knew.
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Each spouse will need to know the goals and dreams of the other.
One spouse may dream of moving to a new location where the
weather will cooperate with more outdoor activities. The other
spouse may want to stay put and be close to family and friends.
You will need to adjust your thinking or compromise on your wants.
The solution may be to have two retirement homes, one in your
present location and one in the alternate setting. The amount and
types of items you spend your money on will create conflicts also.
If you find a leisure activity that requires larger expenditures than
that of your spouse, often he will feel the need to spend money
elsewhere to even things out. The attitude of “what’s mine is mine”
and “what’s yours is mine” is common. For example, the husband
may feel he can spend his pension as he sees fit, yet question how
his wife spends money. About 52% of the retirees we surveyed
said their biggest fear is arguing over money. You both need to
understand the importance of the other person’s wishes, even if
you disagree on the outcome. It will not be easy.
Relationships With Others
One of the most important things you can do when approaching
retirement, and during retirement, is to meet new people. You
should also work on strengthening relationships with your current
friends. Your relationships with others are often referred to as your
“social circle”. The larger and tighter your social circle, the greater
your chances are for a meaningful retirement. Your associations
will be with people inside and outside your family. Those outside
your family will include your current friends, people from work,
doctors, clergy, and, most importantly, the new people you are
going to meet. The relationships we establish will differ with each
person we stay in contact with. You will tell or hear things from your
doctor you may, or may not, share with others. You may want
some of your acquaintances to know, while keeping things to
yourself when dealing with others. You may talk to people outside
the family about problems within your family, while not bringing
them up at family gatherings and creating controversy between
family members. You should structure your social circle to allow
different relationships with a variety of different people at several
levels of interaction. The chart on the next page will help you to
understand and expand your social circle. There are many areas in
which you will interact and receive support from others. There are
times you will want to talk to family and other times you will want to
rely on others.
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These social circles should remain full. You should try to expand
your relationships in case changes occur. You may lose contact
with these people because of moving or even death.
FAMILY
YOU
1. _____________________
2. _____________________
OTHERS
1. _____________________
HEALTH
2. _____________________
3. _____________________
3. _____________________
1. _____________________
1. _____________________
2. _____________________
FINANCIAL
2. _____________________
3. _____________________
3. _____________________
1. _____________________
1. _____________________
2. _____________________
PSYCHOLOGICAL
2. _____________________
3. _____________________
3. _____________________
1. _____________________
1. _____________________
2. _____________________
FAMILY MATTERS
2. _____________________
3. _____________________
3. _____________________
1. _____________________
1. _____________________
2. _____________________
SOCIAL EVENTS
2. _____________________
3. _____________________
3. _____________________
1. _____________________
1. _____________________
2. _____________________
3. _____________________
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INTEREST
2. _____________________
3. _____________________
FAMILY
SPOUSE
1. _____________________
2. _____________________
OTHERS
1. _____________________
HEALTH
2. _____________________
3. _____________________
3. _____________________
1. _____________________
1. _____________________
2. _____________________
FINANCIAL
2. _____________________
3. _____________________
3. _____________________
1. _____________________
1. _____________________
2. _____________________
PSYCHOLOGICAL
2. _____________________
3. _____________________
3. _____________________
1. _____________________
1. _____________________
2. _____________________
FAMILY MATTERS
2. _____________________
3. _____________________
3. _____________________
1. _____________________
1. _____________________
2. _____________________
SOCIAL EVENTS
2. _____________________
3. _____________________
3. _____________________
1. _____________________
1. _____________________
2. _____________________
3. _____________________
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INTEREST
2. _____________________
3. _____________________
Mutual Reward Theory
The effects of divorce can be dramatic. Given the unfortunate
possibility that this may be one of the changing relationships that
you will need to come terms with, we will offer some observations.
If your relationship with your spouse has led to this point, you
should perceive this as an opportunity. You will be getting out of a
relationship that was not working. For a relationship to work, both
parties must work at it. You must be willing to listen. You must be
willing to talk. There is a theory known as mutual reward. The
mutual reward theory states that for a relationship to work, both
parties must be getting some benefit from the relationship. An
obvious example might be a business partnership where one
person does all the work and the other person just takes the cash.
It is unlikely this relationship can last. The same is true in a
marriage. If one person dominates the relationship, smothering the
other, it probably will not last. Under such circumstances, the
divorce could be seen as a blessing. You will have the freedom to
do and act as you want, not the way someone else wants you to
act. It sounds good, but, in reality, most divorces are bitter. All the
time you spent trying to make a go of it will appear wasted. A fight
may develop over who gets what. The personal assets will have to
be divided. The children will have a tough time understanding why.
You will have feelings of guilt wondering what you did wrong or how
you could have avoided it. You will have doubts about your
decision making. You will be left with the feelings of “I’ll never do
this again”. You may wonder if you could ever have a meaningful
relationship again. To top it off, every one of your friends will be
telling you what to do with your life, yet you are not sure yourself.
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The first thing you must do is remain logical. Too many people do
outrageous things during and shortly after a divorce. The feeling of
“getting even” often enters into the thought process. You will think
of doing things the “real you” would never have done. Every
person who is going through the process of divorce is looking for
answers. You will be looking to others for help in finding them.
Their suggestions and support can be very beneficial. The ideas of
others must be carefully thought out to see if they are consistent
with your personality. You must be yourself and remember the
mutual reward concept. Do not chase away your friends by
focusing only upon your needs and your problems.
You should take a look at your social circle. Hopefully, you did not
rely upon your spouse for support in every area. You should
envision how your relationships will change within your circle. Your
relationship with your in-laws is a great example. Over the years
many intimate relationships were created. Do not allow the divorce
to interfere with these friendships. You may not see them as often
as in the past, but you certainly do not need to avoid them. This
can be especially true when grandchildren are involved. Find out
where your circle needs to be expanded and look for people to fill
the openings. If you did not handle the personal finances, look for
people who can step in and offer advice and assistance. You may
want to seek the advice of a psychologist who has dealt with
divorces. Psychologists can understand your thoughts and needs,
and can help to rebuild your self-confidence and esteem.
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Almost as traumatic as your own divorce, and even more
demanding, could be the possible divorce of your children. They
will come to you with all their problems, hoping that, like in the past,
mom and dad will make everything all right. You should be careful
not to say or do things that will isolate you from your son-in-law or
daughter-in-law permanently. You will be relied upon for
psychological, moral, and, possibly, financial support. Your plans
may be detoured by the amount of time you spend in helping out.
You will be on the phone or visiting your child more frequently than
in the past. You may be the easiest and quickest source of
financial support. You may end up raising your grandchildren as
your child goes to work to support his or her family. They may want
to move back home again. You will need to be flexible in your
decisions. You should pledge your willingness to help, while at the
same time making it known you have a life and needs of your own.
COPING WITH DEATH
There are few certainties in life. One thing that is inevitable is that
we are all going to die. As you grow older, members of your family
and many of your friends will die. Reading the obituaries becomes
part of your daily routine. It has been said “the best part about
reading the obituary section is not finding your name in it”. We
must be prepared for the deaths of those closest to us. You may
have had a parent or grandparent die already. It is not easy to
accept the loss of someone we love.
The death of our spouse will leave an emptiness in our life. The
spouse was probably our number one friend. We could talk about
our problems or enjoy each other's company in various activities .
Our life often revolves around our spouse. We frequently set our
daily schedule to coincide with theirs. Now we will feel all alone. The
dreams of our retirement years may seem insignificant. We may be
forced to change our spending habits or the place we live as a result
of a loss of financial resources. We will need time to mourn. After
several months we might feel pressured to adjust and get back on
track. Others will think we have grieved long enough and should put
our life back in order.
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Just because you act a certain way, does not mean you cannot feel
another. Trying to force yourself to act as if you are over the
mourning or pretending to be happy again will only prolong the
mourning period. Many widows and widowers grieve silently for a
year knowing they cannot change the past. Although taking one
year to adjust is normal, you should make an effort to shorten this
period. If you know what to expect and where to get the support
you need, the transition will be easier. Many widows(ers) will go
through an initial period of denial. They feel like the person has not
really passed away and will walk into the room at any moment. The
second phase is to blame the other person for doing this to them.
In the third phase of grief, they will blame themselves for not
allowing their spouse to live longer. You may unconsciously place
children in the role of the departed spouse. You may want your
daughter to become a “wife” or “mother” and your son to fill the role of
“husband”. Placing your children in these positions, especially if they
are young, is unfair. Your children may try to assume these roles and
treat you like a helpless infant. You must discourage them if you are
to become independent and assume a meaningful life again. You
must look to all the pleasures life still has to offer.
You can cope with the death of a loved one as long as you have a
strong social circle. You should establish your social circle to include
young people as well as older individuals. Keep adding more people
all the time. You can never have too many friends. They can be relied
upon for emotional support. They are willing to listen and can offer a
shoulder to cry on. They can be relied upon to handle physical tasks
that you alone could not accomplish. They may offer financial
assistance or possibly be your next roommate.
The death of a child or siblings will also affect you deeply. Losing a
child can place more than just emotional losses on you. You may end
up being a parent again when you least expect it. You will need to
change your awareness of youth activities and lifestyles. Your
finances may be altered as you cope with the cost of raising children
all over again. The loss of brothers or sisters or their spouses may
create the need to care for them or their spouse. They may need you
for more than just the emotional support you are giving. There may be
physical limitations they encounter, such as not being able to drive, or
household duties where they cannot manage on their own. Your time
will be required as well as your physical abilities. You would like to be
enjoying your life rather than helping them to live theirs. Our love may
not allow us to say “no” or to call someone else.
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Living Alone
At some point in your retirement you will probably spend some time
living alone. The death of a spouse, or the need to place them in a
long-term care facility, can create quite a lifestyle change.
Depending on where you are living, you may be faced with
problems that force you to make changes you never anticipated.
The upkeep of a home can require you to be a plumber, an
electrician, a carpenter, a painter, and a lawn maintenance
company. You will have the problem of trying to cook for one, or of
spending more money by having to eat out.
The problem of living alone is a problem that affects women more
than men. Differences in life expectancy show women generally
live longer than men. Most women are married to men who are
older than they are. With that in mind, you can see why more
women end up living alone. The financial burden is also increased.
Studies show that a woman's income may be reduced by as much
as 44% due to the death of a spouse. It is much easier for men to
adapt to traditional feminine roles of cooking and shopping than it is
for a woman to adapt to traditional masculine roles such as heavy
lifting or jobs involving tools. Men usually have an easier time
finding companions. Recent statistics show there are five widows
to every one widower. Compounding the problem is the fact that
society will tolerate men dating younger women, but does not as
readily accept older women dating younger men. One area where
women have an advantage is in their relationship with others.
Women tend to be more intimate in their relationships. The friends
they have made are often closer and more understanding in their
support. Men tend to have fewer close friends they can rely upon.
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Cooking for one presents several problems. The first problem is in
doing the shopping. Economies of scale are reached by buying
larger packages. Often small canned items cost almost as much
as larger ones. The largest problem lies in the fact that we
generally cook to please others, not ourselves. When you are
alone you have a tendency to eat out more often. Most single
seniors do not go through the normal routine of cooking, setting the
table and doing the dishes. Instead, they often eat right from the
container, in front of the TV.
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The topic of companionship is another issue that must be
addressed. Whether you decide just to have fun getting together
with other seniors, or opt to begin dating someone new will depend
upon your personal views. Many people who say they would never
marry again end up getting married anyway. They miss the
relationship of having a spouse. The biggest obstacle you will face
in finding a mate is when you compare him with the image of your
deceased spouse. We must understand that every person is
unique and there are no duplicates. There are many places and
events where you can meet new people. Church groups, political
organizations, hobby clubs, classrooms and seminars are an
excellent way to meet others. Your friends can also set you up with
people who they know are available. Many travel packages are set
up for singles both young and old to allow for socializing with new
people. To meet others you must be willing, imaginative, and
aggressive. If you sit back waiting for them to find you, it might be
a long wait. You must get out and about to make yourself known.
One ex-widow we talked to met her current spouse
while in the grocery store. She asked the
gentleman in line next to her how his wife
prepared a certain dish he had in his
basket. He replied he was a widower
and explained how he prepared the
meal. She said it sounded great and
eventually was invited over for dinner
to try it. Now that is imagination!!
Another man met his current
companion while looking for a house. He
met a widow who was being pressured to sell her house because of
financial concerns. He suggested moving in as a cost sharing
venture. Within a year they were already talking marriage. This is
a great example of being assertive.
Going out on dates can create a smorgasbord of emotions. You can
feel apprehension, anxiety, joy, fear, embarrassment, and
depression... you name it! Society and morals have gone through
quite a revolution. Many women past 50 still expect courtship,
romance and, if not flowers and champagne, at least time for a real
relationship to develop before the question of sex comes up. Many
men suffer from this same culture shock when they meet women
who are ready before they are. You may feel pressure to respond
to the other's desires, thinking if you do not feel the same way
something must be wrong with you. Sex in our society has become
more liberal. It is important you say and do what you feel and not
force yourself into a role you are uncomfortable with.
Here are several suggestions for you to cope with living alone.
1. When you wake up each morning, get cleaned up and dress
neatly within one hour.
2. Have a good breakfast and review your plans for the day.
3. Buy a cookbook on single portion cooking and experiment
with different recipes.
4. Make yourself a treat at least once a week.
5. Eat your meals off a plate, not out of containers.
Occasionally, add some background music or light a candle.
6. Invite people over for dinner or lunch.
7. Plan special trips during holidays when you are apt to feel
more lonely.
8. Work on increasing your social circle.
9. Don’t become obsessed with finding a new mate.
10. Realize the world and attitudes have changed.
11. MOST IMPORTANTLY, BE YOURSELF!!!
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Getting Help
There are many sources you can contact for assistance when you
need it. Many communities have volunteer organizations to lend a
hand. There are countless support groups you can join. The best
single source of getting help in all retirement and aging concerns is
AARP. Here is their website address and information on how to
become a member:
American Association of Retired Persons
Membership Center
P.O. Box 93109
Long Beach, CA 90809-9861
http://www.aarp.org
Membership is $12.50 a year (with discounts if you enroll for multiple
years). It includes :
•
Affiliation with more than 25 million mature, forward thinking
people, with activities at one of 3,200 local chapters
nationwide.
•
AARP Magazine. Bimonthly issues with articles on finances,
travel, second careers, personalities and subjects of interest to
people over 50.
•
Legislative representation on Social Security, taxes, health
care, pension reform and more.
•
A non-profit pharmacy service. Save on prescriptions,
vitamins, and health care products delivered to your door.
•
AARP health insurance, provided at low group rates.
•
Money saving discounts on hotels, motels, car rental, bus
fares and travel packages.
•
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Informative publications are yours free on a variety of topics
such as money matters, health issues, housing and more.
•
An investment program offering a family of mutual funds,
designed to meet members’ needs.
•
Exciting travel opportunities in the U.S. and around the world.
•
An attractively priced motoring plan with emergency road
service.
•
Opportunities to save on auto and homeowners coverage.
•
Monthly news bulletins to keep you up-to-date on national
issues and Association activities.
•
Discounts on AARP books written by experts on subjects of
vital concern to mature people.
•
Income tax assistance from IRS trained volunteers.
You can also get information from the U.S. Federal Government
Consumer Information Center at www.consumer.gov. They have a
long list of publications on a variety of topics. The phone number is
(800) FED INFO that’s (800) 333-4636.
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DETERMINING WHERE TO LIVE
Determining where you want to live will also entail some psychological
adjustments. The type of dwelling or residence you decide upon, as
well as the location, will also have a bearing on your mental well being.
Financial circumstances will have an impact on the final decision. You
must look at the social and financial implications involved in moving.
Let us look at the alternatives available for housing before we start our
discussion.
Types of Housing
•
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Single Family Residence
Living in a single family residence is the most popular place to live.
There are many advantages and some disadvantages to living in
your own home. The largest advantage is having a place you can
call home. You are free to come and go as you like. You can paint
the walls any color you like. You can have a yard to work in or
possibly a work station set up in the basement or garage. You
know your neighbors and roads to get you where you want to go.
You also have equity established. Any money you spend for repairs
or improvements will usually be rewarded later or when you sell the
house. For many individuals it is better than paying rent. You can
have rooms set up to entertain and a refrigerator you can access
whenever you wish. The largest benefits come from being
independent, having privacy and keeping more of your
possessions. On the other hand, having a home brings many
responsibilities. You will need the physical strength and financial
resources to keep up your house. Chores that were once simple, like
mowing the lawn, can become hard to do. Replacing the roof or
furnace can be expensive propositions to someone on a fixed
income. Stairs that were never a problem in the past may now
represent barriers. The biggest disadvantages include the expense
and ability to take care of taxes and maintenance, including having
someone look after your house while you’re away.
•
Condominiums
Condominium living is growing in popularity. It offers many of the
benefits of owning your own home without all the disadvantages. A
condominium may be safer than an isolated private dwelling.
Special facilities may be available like tennis courts, pools, and a
clubhouse. You are free to furnish the interior as you like. The
equity factor is still present. You can have additional bedrooms for
guests and a kitchen to cook in. You will not have the troubles of
outside maintenance though. You will pay monthly association
dues that will take care of the outside premises. One of the
downfalls of condo living is that you do not have your own yard to
tinker in. You will still have property taxes to pay. You may be
paying for facilities you will not use. There are many rules to follow.
You may end up with less room, and as a result, you may have to
part with some of your possessions.
•
Apartments
Apartment living offers some attractive benefits. You will not have
money tied up in equity like when you own a home. The additional
money can be invested to enjoy a more carefree life or to subsidize
the rent. It is easy to find an apartment with a convenient location.
Apartment complexes often offer a variety of activities on the
premises. You can find them with swimming pools, tennis courts,
and exercise facilities. You will not have association dues to pay
every month or property taxes you directly pay. Maintenance will
not be your responsibility. There are some drawbacks too.
Landlords and management companies can be difficult to deal with.
You will be limited to any changes you might like. There are often
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rules that can be restrictive, such as no pets. You will not enjoy as
much privacy and you will not have your own yard. Rent increases
every year are a strong possibility. You will not establish any equity,
and all the money you spend will be forever gone.
•
Mobile Homes
Mobile homes are another alternative for your retirement living.
The cost of owning them is much less than purchasing a home or
paying rent for the rest of your life. You can get enough space to
do just about anything you wish. Some parks are set up as adult
parks which will increase your social life. Often there is a small
spot where you can garden and the amount of maintenance
required of you is low. The value does not appreciate like many
homes, but it is yours. Trailer parks are very restrictive in what you
can or cannot do. Probably the biggest disadvantage is your
proximity to neighbors. You generally will have to pay association
dues on top of your monthly lease payment. These fees can
increase over time. Make sure you read your entire contract before
moving in.
•
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Retirement Communities
Retirement communities are popping up all over the place. Some
are quite elaborate and actually are mini-cities. They hold elections
to create a board that make decisions for the entire community. They
have single family homes, condominiums, and apartments. Walking
and bicycling paths are interwoven throughout the grounds. Natural
areas are set up with lakes and picnic tables for your enjoyment.
Tennis courts, swimming pools, exercise facilities and instructors are
often available. Golf courses are very common, in addition to a
clubhouse for social gatherings. Large community centers host a
variety of social functions such as classes, seminars, dancing and
other forms of entertainment. Shopping centers are built around the
community within walking distance to allow easy access to grocery
stores and pharmacies. Health care clinics and satellite hospitals
usually are present as well as churches. These places are touted as
retirement heaven. The largest drawback is the cost; all these
amenities do not come cheap. You may be spending money on
services or amenities you will not take advantage of. Be very cautious
in your dealings with salesmen and developers. They are often overly
optimistic in their assessment of the community. If statements or
promises are made that are not included in the sales contract or
literature, GET THEM IN WRITING! You should be extra careful when
looking at a new or proposed development. Some developer’s
dreams are never completed due to a lack of funds.
•
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Retirement Centers
Retirement centers are a low-cost variation of the retirement
community. They have been stereotyped as a bunch of “old”
people playing bingo and shuffleboard. This is not the case and
many of them are just right for seniors. Limited medical attention
and facilities are common. The layout and design of the units allow
for easy access. Bathrooms include handrails to allow for
additional support. Cabinets and shelving are lower so you are not
climbing or being forced to lift unnecessarily. Hallways and doors
are wider to allow for the use of a wheelchair, if necessary. Large
cafeterias are common, decreasing the need to cook for yourself or
eat out. This allows for the added convenience of companionship
during dinner. Often there are recreation rooms where social
events are planned and groups can meet for special interests.
Small vans may be available to transport you to and from a variety
of locations. Many retirees feel very comfortable in a setting where
they can interact with others their age and share similar stories and
concerns. The disadvantages lie in the fact that the costs vary
dramatically from place to place. To get into a good center that is
reasonably priced can be hard to do. As with most structured
settings, there are many restrictions. The times for meals may be
fixed, you may not be allowed pets, and there usually is no room for
overnight guests. The units are generally small and this does not
allow for many personal possessions.
•
Shared Housing
Shared housing represents a newer concept in retirement living. A
group of unrelated individuals band together to share in the costs
and duties of maintaining a home. You will have built-in friends to
talk to and do things with. There are, however, many problems to
deal with in living with strangers. You may disagree on a whole
variety of issues, such as the use of common space, what belongs
to whom, the lifestyles of others and who is responsible for doing
what. The TV program “Golden Girls” is an example of shared
housing. This type of arrangement is more appropriate for single
seniors.
•
Nursing Homes
Nursing homes may be the only logical place for an aging relative
who needs care. If family members or relatives cannot take care of
a person because of conflicts with work or because of the physical
demands, this may be the only alternative to prolonged hospital
stays. The cost varies dramatically from place to place as does the
level of services provided. The thought of a nursing home can be
very negative. Try to explain your reasons to the person before you
resort to this decision. People going into these homes perceive
them as the last stop.
•
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Should You Move
Only a small percentage of people past the age of 65 will move.
Recent numbers show only 16 out of 100 people moved in a fiveyear period. Of those that moved, 80% stayed in the same state.
Your decision to move will involve a considerable amount of
thought and planning. You must weigh the costs and social
implications of your decision. You will need to assess your current
home, the accessibility to necessary facilities, and the type of
lifestyle you wish to live. The following checklist will aid you in
determining the right location. It is important to realize that more
than one location might be appropriate.
STOP
ACTION PLAN:
Complete the list on the following page.
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Perfect
You
How do you feel about the cli mate?
What are the property tax rates?
What
W
hat are
are the
thepersonal
personaproperty
l tax ratetax
s? rates?
Are property values stable?
D o you li ke the communi ty?
D o you li ke the nei ghborhood?
Is i t safe?
D o you li ke the home?
Is i t affordable?
What wi ll uti li ty bi lls be?
Is there adequate li vi ng space?
Is there adequate storage space?
Is the floor plan good?
Is i t low mai ntenance?
Are repai rs necessary?
Wi ll you be close to fami ly?
Wi ll you be close to fri ends?
D o you have the abi li ty to make fri ends?
How are the nei ghbors?
Are you too close to nei ghbors?
What are the roads li ke?
Are there any zoni ng restri cti ons?
Are there any deed restri cti ons?
Is shoppi ng nearby?
How about medi cal faci li ti es?
How about publi c safety?
Is a place of worshi p close?
How i s TV and radi o recepti on?
Is there noi se polluti on?
How about soci al events?
Is there access to publi c parks?
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S p o u se
Acceptable
You
S p o u se
N o Way
You
S p o u se
You should think beyond the present in making your decision. You
must consider the impact of your decision on future developments.
There are three general phases you will go through in retirement.
The enjoyment phase, the slowdown phase, and the dependent
phase. In the first phase, you will be physically able to challenge
the future. In the slowdown phase, you will adjust to changes with
a lessened physical capacity. In the third phase, you will fight the
fact that you can’t do the things you did so easily before. You may
resent the fact that you are becoming dependent on others.
When you go through the planning process in deciding where to
live, you must consider the phases of your retirement in your
decisions. For example, your home may be perfect at first. Later,
however, your mobility may be restricted by stairs that are a
challenge to climb. You may require the use of a wheelchair that
does not fit through doorways or turn easily in narrow hallways.
Another example might be moving back to your hometown after
being gone for many years. The opportunity of seeing old friends
and sharing memories will be great at first. Later, however, they will
go on with their lives and the relationships they have created,
possibly leaving you left out. The most important question, then,
becomes how to create your own social circle in your new location.
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CASE STUDIES
Reading through the material in this section and then,
subsequently, not following through with further investigation can be
an exercise in futility. The following case studies are meant to allow
an opportunity for examination and application of some of the
preceding discussions. You may have some ideas to offer that we
have not touched on. Discussion with others can be both
stimulating and thought provoking.
Case One:
Joe Dabbs is 60 years old, healthy, and has worked for the
telephone company for 40 years. He had originally planned on
retiring in five years until his company offered an early buyout. He
feels he would still like to work, but is very interested in the offer.
His wife Jane is age 55. She went back to work two years ago after
taking care of her father, who was ill for the 4 years prior. She has
witnessed most of her father’s life savings wiped out because of his
illness. Her mother is now experiencing tremendous financial
strain. Jane feels they will need additional funds to help her
mother, as well as build an emergency fund for a similar situation
for themselves. What steps should the Dabbs take to determine
what the right choice should be?
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Case Two:
Mark and his wife Julie recently celebrated their 35th wedding
anniversary. Mark has decided to retire in two years and is anxious
to enjoy retirement to its fullest. He has put in 10 to 12 hours a day
six to seven days a week for the past 18 years in his graphics
business. Julie has been busy helping Mark with the business.
Because of the time demands, they have lost contact with many of
their friends. Mark and Julie would like to expand their social circle
and are looking for some suggestions. They have come to this
class looking for help. What do you suggest?
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Case Three:
Leon, now age 65, and his wife Anne, age 50, have had a wonderful
life so far. They have nine children and 15 grandchildren. Seven of
the children are currently married. Leon Jr., the youngest, is
seventeen and will be graduating from high school in the spring. Terri,
who is the second oldest, has five children and recently went through
her second divorce. Leon recently retired from a successful financial
planning firm after several other unsuccessful business ventures. He
and Anne have done an outstanding job of saving and investing to
assure a quality retirement. Leon would like to move to a retirement
community in another state, where the upkeep would be minimal and
the climate warmer. He is set on traveling the world and trying new
things. Anne wants to keep the beautiful home they bought a year
after they were married. She wants to stay close to the grandchildren
and the friends they have made over their lifetime. To make matters
more complicated, Leon Jr. refuses to move. Terri has suggested
moving back in with her parents until she finds a job and gets her life
back in order. Bill, the oldest son, keeps telling his parents what he
thinks they should do. He is convinced his mom and dad should not
travel and spend their money foolishly because they might need it
later. What problems do you see for Leon and Anne?
How should they approach these relationships with their children?
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List of Leisure Activities
art work
babysitting
bowling
camping
carpentry
church work
community service
cooking
crafts
fishing
foreign language
gardening
golfing
hiking
hunting
painting
photography
physical fitness
playing an instrument
playing cards
politics
reading
sewing
singing
teaching
travel
watching TV
writing
playing bingo
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