loving ou tr each to su r v iv or s of su ici de
MAY 2017
vol. 38, no. 5
How to Talk with someone who
has Lost Someone to Suicide:
A Mother’s Guide
This Issue
Articles
Cover Story
How to Talk with someone
who has Lost Someone to
Suicide: A Mother’s Guide
Kimberly A. Starr
FROM the Desk
Jessica Mead
3
Grief and Family Development
Groundlessness
5
MONTHLY
Quilt Display Schedule 2
Monthly Meetings
8
Announcements9
Memorial Donations
10
Mention My Name
11
The LOSS Program
Loving Outreach
to Survivors of Suicide
721 North LaSalle Street
Chicago, Illinois 60654
(312) 655-7283
www.catholiccharities.net/loss
When Tom died, I was thankfully referred
to The Compassionate Friends website.
There’s lots of insightful information,
which helped me navigate the first few
months. In addition, the site has great
resources for friends and family about
how to talk with someone about a child’s
death. But the site did not cover some of the
situations that have arisen on our journey.
Many friends and acquaintances reached
out with their best intentions, trying to find
a way to connect with and assist us while
dealing with their own grief and fears about
loss. Please understand, I write this missive
from a place of love, not judgment, in hopes
you will never need to use the information.
When you use the words “committed
suicide,” I hear, “died while committing
a crime.” Please use the now accepted
phrasing “died by suicide.” This description
is true to the situation and is less painful to
hear. Whether suicide is a crime on the law
books or not, I don’t want to be reminded
Tom’s final attempt at finding inner peace
might make him a felon.
When you ask me, “How did Tom do
it?” I hear, “The details of Tom’s death are
more important than the impact of Tom’s
life.” If knowing the specifics of Tom’s final
moments are that important to you, there
are other ways of finding them out – read
the newspaper or talk to the responding law
enforcement agency. In addition, when you
ask me that question, it takes me back, in
horrible Technicolor detail, to the moment
I first saw Tom’s lifeless body. I already
struggle every moment to erase that image
from my mind, why would you want me to
revisit it to quench your curiosity?
When you say, “Did you see any signs?”
I hear, “You failed as a parent because
you were not aware.” If we had seen the
When you use the words
“committed suicide,”
I hear, “died while
committing a crime.”
Please use the now
accepted phrasing “died
by suicide.”
signs, we would have taken action. We
loved Tom so much we would have done
anything to help him. Each of us spent
quality time with Tom. We had both serious
and hilarious conversations with him on
a regular basis. We had daily and weekly
traditions that helped us connect with Tom.
He masked his pain well from his family
and friends, sparing us all from his dark
struggle.
Continued on p. 6
Thank You
OBELISK
for your support
LOSS STAFF
Rev. Charles T. Rubey
Founder & Director
May Obelisk in Memory of
Ryan Nash
Deborah R. Major
Department Director
Cynthia Waderlow
Child Therapist
Jessica Mead
Program Coordinator
Counseling Team
Rev. Charles T. Rubey,
Deborah Major, Laraine Bodnar,
Elizabeth Teich, Sharon Bibro,
Mary Novak, Amy McNicholas,
Cynthia Waderlow, Michele Nowak,
Jessica Mead, Helen Banta,
Victor Alvarez, Asela Paredes,
Caryl Pripusich, Alicia Kon,
Melanie Johnsen, Adele Human,
Virgina Dejarlais
contributors
Jessica Mead
Kimberly A. Starr
Cynthia Waderlow
Editor
Jessica Mead
communications Director
Kristine Kappel
creative services
brand management
Jennifer Sirota
art Design/layout
Kathleen Gabriel
Publishing Fund in Memory of
Philip J. Hudie • George Antonio Gonzales Jr.
Daniel J. DeAno • Michael R. Dady
&
Memorial Squares
Lifekeepers Quilts
MAY Display Schedule
St. Casimir Motherhouse Chapel
2601 W. Marquette Road • Chicago, Illinois
Quilt #20
Elizabeth Ann Pund
Contesa L. Austin
Natalie Gillett
Erin Lyn Melvin
Angela Leofanti
Shaun Padraig Welch
Maria G. Bravo
Patrick Tierney
Patrick Tierney
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2003
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William R. and Theresa M. Stanek Chapel
of the Mission of the Holy Cross
1400 S. Austin Avenue • Cicero, Illinois
Quilt #6
The LOSS Program
Loving Outreach
to Survivors of Suicide
721 N. LaSalle Street
Chicago, Illinois 60654
(312) 655-7283
www.catholiccharities.net/loss
2 OBELISK | May 2017
Ryan Pierce Baas
Jon Bowles
William C. Darley
Joseph Allen ”Joey” Gump
Randi Marie Haack
Charles A. Hundley
Kevin Kinnare
Patrick Sean Lynch
Daniel J. O’Connor
David Rothschild
Ricky Scott
Linda Thomas Jackson
Wendell Tucker
Joe Westphal
Tom Wisniewski
11/19/81
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1982
12/13/62
6/8/74
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7/11/79
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12/12/97 1/7/98
9/13/95
11/2/88
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7/8/83
6/25/85
9/17/97
1998
1/4/97
10/12/93
From the Desk of
Jessica Mead
As we all know, grief is an extremely
complex, abstract and complicated
process, and it can force us to examine
ourselves in ways that we may not have
in the past. I tend to be a visual person
and I like to picture the grief experience
kind of like waking up in the middle of
the night in an unfamiliar place looking
for a light switch. You can’t see or hear
anything but you may be able to use
your sense of touch to feel your way
around the room. Most of us will walk
slowly with our hands in front of our
bodies, we may bump into things along
the way but ultimately with enough time
and patience we will find our way to the
light switch. As we are searching, we are
feeling our way through the room. As I
hear LOSS members speak of their grief
journey I imagine them “feeling their
way through grief.” Each person does
what feels promising in the moment
without always being able to anticipate
all of the “bumps” along the way. No
one can share the correct or right way
to grieve; it’s a process that each person
must explore. While LOSS does not
have the magic recipe for grieving, we
have witnessed enough suicide grief to
offer suggestions and share the helpful
experiences of fellow grievers.
Grief is a mind-body experience
that can be all consuming; many are
left feeling like a shell of their former
selves. Words can sometimes fail us
in the grief process, many may not
have a way of articulating emotion
and there may be no words in the
English language that fit with the
experience. I recently listened to an
NPR segment where Bessel van der
Kolk, a renowned trauma psychiatrist,
spoke about how research has shown
that trauma impacts the Brochas area
of our brain, the part of the brain
where words and language are stored.
He suggests that in order to heal from
trauma, body work and other modes of
non-verbal processing are vital. If this
sounds appealing I encourage you to
read his book “The Body Keeps Score”
or listen to this NPR segment. This
can be part of the reason why many
LOSS members say that they do not
feel connected to people who have not
had this experience happen to them,
but feel like another survivor “gets”
them even when they say very little
about their loss. When words fail us
I find metaphors to be a helpful way
to explain our inner most selves. My
colleague Cindy Waderlow wrote about
“grief metaphors” in the March issue
of the Obelisk if you are interested in
As I hear LOSS members
speak of their grief journey
I imagine them “feeling
their way through grief.”
Each person does what feels
promising in the moment
without always being able to
anticipate all of the “bumps”
along the way.
this topic. Metaphors can be a way of
expressing yourself in a way that others
may be able connect to.
This idea of feeling your way
through your grief can be an extremely
vulnerable experience. When I imagine
someone in the room looking for the
light switch I imagine that person
with their hands in front of them
anticipating an unpleasant step.
Grief work involves a delicate balance
between being open and emotionally
vulnerable to the pain in order to heal,
while also having our psychological
defenses in place to help us do the
things that we need to do in order
to continue to function. The most
common issue that comes up for many
of the people that I work with is that
many people don’t leave themselves
enough time to be emotionally
vulnerable; they often dissociate using
technology or keeping themselves very
busy with work. They move along until
they are hit face on when something
unexpectedly comes up in their grief
experience. They may smell a familiar
scent, or return to a nostalgic place that
they were not consciously aware of.
Finding this balance is tricky; keep it in
the back of your mind as you continue
along your journey.
For some people the unrestricted
boundlessness of grief can be
overwhelming. Processing with a
therapist or in a group can help to
“contain” some of the grief experience.
For those who can’t tolerate not
knowing when they are going to feel
better and need more direction I
sometimes introduce the idea of giving
oneself a year of sadness and then reevaluating (I don’t mean to oversimplify
the process as there is no prescription
for grief). The concept of setting these
“check in” points or pit stops can help
break up the time and be something
one can look to.
Feeling your way through grief can
be scary and isolating. Sometimes you
try something that you heard from
someone else and you feel worse, so
you may back off and try something
else. Another colleague uses the phrase
“lean into the discomfort” just enough
that you can tolerate and move toward
healing. Sometimes it feels nicer to be
a part of a collective community and
surround yourself with good supports:
a yoga class, an online community, a
LOSS support group, or friends and
family who are healthy and supportive.
You are going to need supports to
guide you when you are feeling stuck
and frustrated. As always please feel
free to reach out to LOSS. We want
to be your “companion” along this
journey. We are all a “work in progress”
and some days are better than others.
Surviving this loss is possible and
you are already doing it. Please check
in with a professional whenever you
feel that you need more support. As
always LOSS is here to provide a safe
container for your grief.
www.catholiccharities.net/loss 3
PRESENTS
Herbert Adelman Children
& Youth Grief Retreat
Saturday, July 22, 2017
10 a.m. – 3 p.m.
St. John of the Cross
5005 Wolf Road, Western Springs
This special grief retreat is for children ages 4-18 who have lost a loved
one to suicide. Whether the child’s loss is recent or not, the retreat
provides an opportunity for young grievers to come together and meet
others who have experienced a similar tragedy. Children will have the
opportunity to share their stories and benefit from various modalities of
grief expression including, music, crafts, dance-movement, yoga, art and
writing. Experienced child therapists will be present to lead all activities.
The event is free of charge and will include lunch.
Please call Jessica Mead to inquire
or to register your children.
(312) 655-7284
www.catholiccharities.net/loss
4 OBELISK | May 2017
Grief and Family Development
Groundlessness
Cynthia Waderlow MSE, LCSW
Very recently, an esteemed friend and
colleague died suddenly of natural
causes. Not suicide. She was loved
by many, and possibly at the peak of
her life, but without warning, she
was gone. We have lost her unique
humor and animation, her dedication
to helping others. Many of us at
Catholic Charities are mourning her
loss collectively. We are in shock, and
preoccupied with taking her death
in, making sense of it. I am no better
at grief than my LOSS clients. But I
can be grateful that experiencing this
sudden loss renews my understanding
of the wholly disorienting aspects of
acute grief through which my bereaved
LOSS families struggle: The strange
body sensations, a sense of unreality,
feeling disconnected from real time.
If we add degrees of intimacy shared
with the deceased person, such as
child, sibling or spouse, the disabling
sorrow and confusion created by a
suicide, we know that the intensity
and duration of grief becomes
exponentially more intense.
At the end of the day on which I
learned of her death, I felt very tired. I
felt groundless. I turned to a little book
by Pema Chodron that I sometimes
use for restoration, “When Things Fall
Apart.” Opening the book, my eye fell
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on a sentence: “Right now – in the very
instant of groundlessness – is the seed
of taking care of those who need our
care and of discovering our goodness.”
Almost immediately I stopped
resisting the shifting-sands feeling of
groundlessness (for a few minutes,
at least) and allowed myself to just
“Right now – in the very
instant of groundlessness
– is the seed of taking care
of those who need our
care and of discovering
our goodness.”
experience it. I quietly breathed it in.
It was humbling to simply appreciate
the timeless, universal humanness of
a loss to which I had no choice but to
submit, as I have had to at other times
of loss, to cast aside my notions of
control and remember how vulnerable
we are when joyous connections end
without preparation.
In that brief moment when I
accepted the groundless sensations, I
was closer to a sense of mystery and
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sorrow, the heart of grief. This is where
compassion for the dead and the living
arises. I felt grateful for my work that
allows me to be with families as they
also face confusion and sorrow and
mystery, and rebuild lives that have
been profoundly changed by the loss of
the loved one who had been at the core
of their lives.
I would like to learn once and for
all that if I allow myself to be present
to groundless feelings and the illusion
that what is precious will always be
with me, then love and connection
can be more keenly experienced with
each encounter. But I believe we have
to keep relearning this. Opening to
our pain and the insights it offers us
has to be practiced. Perhaps now I
will express my respect and love or
affection for others more often. Yes, I
will care for others and myself, perhaps
more so in the realization that we bind
to others in loss. I will witness this
dynamic as my bereaved LOSS families
tell their stories and share their sorrow
and regroup for the benefit of each
other, and I will be quietly amazed
as parents move through great pain
to care for their surviving children
in a changed world. We find reserves
for surviving loss when we identify a
sense of purpose. So often it is caring
for others. Therein lies love and our
discovered goodness.
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MAIL TO:
LOSS Program • Catholic Charities • 721 N. LaSalle St • Chicago, Illinois 60654
www.catholiccharities.net/loss 5
Experiencing a loss to suicide is difficult to understand at any age, but for a child it is even more complex. Thanks to
two very generous grants from the Illinois Children’s Healthcare Foundation, Catholic Charities LOSS Program (Loving
Outreach to Survivors of Suicide) expanded in 2010 to help children and youth cope and process such a painful loss.
Since then, more than 230 children and youth have received counseling using a variety of child-centered treatments
including art, play, dance movement, journaling, story writing, and poetry to express their feelings and process their grief.
YOUR HELP IS NEEDED!
To ensure that this program can continue to provide counseling to bereaved
children in future years. Please consider a gift to this important cause.
Ways to Support the LOSS Program for Children & Youth
• Give a gift in honor or in memory of a loved one.
• Give a monthly or single gift.
• Consider a bequest in your will or trust.
• Host a gift gathering of supportive friends.

Yes, I/We will help grieving children receive the counseling and comfort they
need when faced with the loss of a loved one to suicide.
MY (OUR) GIFT IS :
$50
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$1,000
$2,500
$5,000
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$________
Donate online at www.catholiccharities.net
Specify your gift on the General Donations form. Designation – select “Other” from the drop down, then type LOSS Children & Youth into the text box.
PAYMENT METHOD
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PLEASE NOTIFY (NAME)
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$_______ charged to my credit card.
ADDRESS
MATCHING GIFT. My company, _______________, will match my gift.
PLEASE RETURN THIS FORM WITH YOUR GIFT TO:
Catholic Charities LOSS Program for Children & Youth
Attn: Dave Gardner, 721 N. LaSalle Street, Chicago, Illinois 60654
Contact Dave Gardner at (312) 655-7907 or [email protected] for more information.
6 OBELISK | May 2017
A Mother’s Guide
from p.1
When you say, “Why did Tom do it?”
I hear, “Are you the reason Tom died?”
The truth is we don’t know why this
happened. Tom left a note, but there
were no specifics to pinpoint exactly what
happened or if there was some inciting
incident. We are grateful for the narrative
he left behind, because he allowed us
some insight into his mental state, but
Instead of asking me these
questions, honor Tom and
me by sharing stories or
showing me pictures or
videos of him, whether
they are new to me or not.
Allow me to take the lead in
sharing details of his death.
we do not know what brought him to
that act at that moment. And if we did
know, I am not sure we would want
to discuss it with others. Sometimes,
there is no note, which I expect leaves
even greater pain and emptiness.
Occasionally, a note may indicate the
suicide was meant to hurt others, and
in that case, no one would want to share
that information.
When you ask, “What would you have
done differently?” I hear, “You are at
fault for Tom’s death.” I can’t imagine
Loving
Outreach
to Survivors
of Suicide
Offering Hope and Healing
any parent who does not wish they could
rewind and revise how they handled
situations with their children. Are there
things I would have done differently over
the years? Yes. Would they have made
a difference? I don’t know. Asking me
this question sends me into a tailspin of
“What Ifs.” What Ifs are the bargaining
part of the grief process which I am
desperately trying to move past.
Instead of asking me these questions,
honor Tom and me by sharing stories or
showing me pictures or videos of him,
whether they are new to me or not. Allow
me to take the lead in sharing details
of his death. If I am ready to tell you, I
will. But that time might never come.
Instead, tell me of your sadness and your
fears, allowing our tears to fall together.
Knowing he lives on in others’ memories
strengthens me and helps me find peace
with our loss.
Reprinted with permission from the
author. Copyright 2016 Kimberly Starr
This article first appeared on the blog
OurSideofSuicide.com.
Kimberly A. Starr earned a Bachelor’s of
Arts in Theatre from Whitman College
and a Masters in Theatre Production from
Central Washington University. She teaches
Theatre Arts at Yakima Valley College and
Prosser High School as well as owning
StarrBright Consulting, a performance
coaching business. After her son Thomas
died by suicide in March 2015, she started
writing as a way to process the events and
her feelings. She is married to L.J. Da Corsi
and is mother to Timothy and Thomas.
Honor A Life
Honor your
loved one with a
Mention My Name
Rememberance
Submit your
Mention My Name
message and your tribute
will be published in
the Obelisk.
See page 11
( Allow two months for publishing.)
Join a Support Group
General and Special Interest Groups
for adults and youth are offered monthly
throughout Cook and Lake counties
For more Information, contact Jessica Mead • (312) 655-7284
See Page 8 for times and locations
35 years
www.catholiccharities.net/loss 7
May Monthly Meetings
The minimum age for the monthly meetings or eight-week groups is 18 years old.
If possible, please call the LOSS office for an initial intake interview before your first meeting:
Jessica Mead, Program Coordinator • (312) 655-7284
General Groups
2nd Tuesday
May 9, 2017 • 6 – 8 p.m.
Kankakee Public Library-3rd floor
201 East Merchant St., Kankakee
Clinician: Adele Human
Facilitator: Cherie Emling
2nd Tuesday
May 9, 2017 • 7– 9 p.m.
Saints Peter and Paul Catholic Church
410 N. First Street, Cary
Clinician: Virginia Desjarlais
Facilitators: Jim & Tina Kranz
4th Thursday
May 25, 2017 • 7 – 9 p.m.
St. Daniel the Prophet
101 West Loop Drive, Wheaton
Clinician: Adele Human
Facilitators: Donajean & Tom Steiner
4th Thursday
May 25, 2017 • 7 – 9 p.m.
Carmel High School
(Enter at Main entrance)
One Carmel Parkway, Mundelein
Clinician: Beth Teich
Facilitators: Linda Bachta & Jen Reese
3rd monday
4th Sunday
May 15, 2016 • 7 – 9 p.m.
May 28, 2017 • 6 – 8 p.m.
Pastoral Center
9292 Broadway, Merrillville, Indiana
Clinician: Melanie Johnsen
Facilitators: Mark & Mary Edwards
St. Joseph’s Church
1747 Lake Avenue, Wilmette
Clinician: Laraine Bodnar
Facilitators: Peggy & Tom Kloempken
3rd Tuesday
May 16, 2017 • 6 – 8 p.m.
Catholic Charities Near North Office
721 N. LaSalle, Chicago
Clinician: Sharon Bibro
Facilitators:
Terry McDonough & Jeanette Scalise
3rd Wednesday
May 17, 2017 • 7 – 9 p.m.
Holy Family Church Main Building
2515 Palatine Road, Inverness
Clinician: Sharon Bibro
Facilitator: Tish Guinter
3rd Wednesday
May 17, 2017 • 7 – 9 p.m.
St Joseph’s Hospital
333 Madison St., Joliet
Madison Board Room
Clinician: Mary Novak
Facilitators: Lance Beigh & Sue Rosenmayer
4th Tuesday
May 23, 2017 • 7 – 9 p.m.
Catholic Charities Southwest Office
7000 W. 111th, St. Worth
Clinician: Michele Nowak
Facilitators:
Thom Beck & Anne Marie Leofanti
8 OBELISK | May 2017
Special Interest Groups
Northwest Spouse Group
2nd Wednesday
May 10, 2017 • 7 – 9 p.m.
Catholic Charities Northwest Office
1717 Rand Road, Des Plaines
Clinician: Caryl Pripusich
Facilitators: Lisa Flynn & Margaret Masier
Young Adult Group
2nd Thursday
May 11, 2017 • 6 – 8 p.m.
Catholic Charities Near North Office
721 N. LaSalle, Chicago
Clinician: Jessica Mead
Facilitators: Mary Kate Beck & Amy Weiss
Sibling Group
meeting schedule
June 2017
Tuesday, June 13 • 6 p.m.
Kankakee Public Library
Kankakee, Illinois
Tuesday, June 13 • 7 p.m.
Saints Peter and Paul Church
Cary, Illinois
Wednesday, June 14 • 7 p.m.
(Spouse Group)
Catholic Charities Des Plaines Office
Des Plaines, Illinois
Thursday, June 15 • 6 p.m.
(Young Adult Group)
Catholic Charities
Near North Chicago Office
Monday, June 19 • 7 p.m.
(Sibling Group)
St. Norbert Church, Northbrook
Monday, June 19 • 7 p.m.
Pastoral Center
Merrillville, Indiana
Tuesday, June 20 • 6 p.m.
Catholic Charities
Near North Chicago Office
Wednesday, June 21 • 7 p.m.
Holy Family Church
Inverness, Illinois
Wednesday, June 21 • 7 p.m.
Saint Joseph’s Hospital
333 Madison St., Joliet
Thursday, June 22 • 7 p.m.
Carmel High School
Mundelein, Illinois
Thursday, June 22 • 7 p.m.
St. Daniel the Prophet
Wheaton, Illinois
Sunday, June 25 • 6 p.m.
St. Joseph’s Church
Wilmette, Illinois
Tuesday, June 27 • 7 p.m.
Catholic Charities Southwest Office
Worth, Illinois
3rd Monday
May 15, 2017 • 7 – 9 p.m.
St. Norbert Church
(Parish office under the green awning on Elm St.)
1809 Walters St., Northbrook
Clinician: Beth Teich
Facilitator: Katie Graff
LOSS weather line
In case of severe weather, please call
the LOSS weather line to ensure that
meetings will be held as scheduled.
(312) 948-7902
Announcements
Men Are Suicide Survivors
(MASS) Men’s Group
Men Are Suicide Survivors is for adult men
who’ve experienced the loss of a family
member or friend due to suicide. The
purpose of the group is to discuss issues and
challenges that men face in the aftermath
of a tragedy like suicide. It provides a strictly
confidential setting to talk about one’s
personal experiences and learn how others
have dealt with similar situations.
The ultimate goal of the group is to provide
safe and confidential support for men who
are dealing with the pain of surviving the
loss by suicide. The group meets every
two months and will have a facilitator and
licensed therapist present.
next meeting
Monday, May 15, 2017
7- 9 p.m.
The Gorton Community Center
400 E. Illinois Road
Lake Forest, Illinois
The meeting room is downstairs
in the Grotto Annex.
For more information, please contact :
Bill Teskoski • [email protected]
(312) 560-3119
Eight-Week Groups
LOSS continues to take names for people
interested in Eight Week support groups.
These groups are offered in various
locations around the Chicagoland area. If
you are interested in joining this program
recommended for the newly bereaved,
please contact:
(312) 655-7283
Honor A Life
Honor your
loved one with a
Mention My Name
Rememberance
See page 11
Pop Up Quilt Display
We will be loaning out the LOSS Quilts
to local churches and parishes who are
interested in displaying them. The quilts
are a sacred piece of the LOSS program,
they remember those who have died by
suicide and also raise awareness about
suicide and mental illness.
If you are interested in hosting a quilt
at your church or parish for one month
please contact:
Jessica Mead
(312) 655-7284
[email protected]
View the LOSS Quilt
at St. Casimir
The Chapel at St. Casimir hosts a different
LOSS quilt each month. To view the quilt,
kindly call (773) 349-8001 in advance
and speak with a Catholic Charities staff
member who will arrange to meet you at
the door and escort you to the chapel.
Monday through Friday
1 - 3:30 p.m.
Why the
Obelisk?
The Obelisk was chosen as a symbol
for the LOSS Program to describe
the grief process. This symbol came
from the definition of an Obelisk:
a solid, upright, four-sided pillar
gradually tapering as it rises.
The original obelisks were erected
in Egypt. The monuments were
constructed by many people working
together to pull a single block of
granite into place. On the sides of
the obelisk, writings were carved
into the stone, recording battles and
victories of great kings; a permanent
testimony to the rulers of Egypt in
approximately 1400 B.C.
The LOSS Obelisk contains the
writings of survivors and survivorrelated issues. This is a record of our
struggles, our battle to survive. It
represents the support that we gain
from meeting with other survivors so
that we are not alone on our journey
of grief. As we gain strength, the
grief tapers off . Our spirits rise and
we are able to look up again, to have
hope for the future.
A Prayer for Survivors
LORD, I need your help to survive,
A part of me’s gone, but I’m still alive.
Let me not be obsessed with “if onlys” and “whys”
Only you know the reason that somebody dies.
I must take time to weep, and smile when I can,
And not be concerned with the judgments of man.
Can I learn how to numb the everyday pain,
So that hollow inside me will not remain?
May I substitute goals for my feelings of guilt,
And not be ashamed of the life I have built.
Make me believe that the sadness will pass,
That joy will return to my being at last.
Finally, show me the way to reach others like me.
Then I’ll know my survival was destined to be.
Therese Gump
www.catholiccharities.net/loss 9
obelisk dedication fund
To ensure continued publication, we have established an Obelisk Fund, which enables
LOSS members to assist with the expenses of this newsletter.
There are three ways in which to contribute to our fund:
dedication of one month of obelisk
To dedicate a specific month to your loved one, a family may contribute $2,560, which will cover the total cost of that month’s
newsletter. Please send this form back with your donation and the name of your loved one, as well as the month you are
requesting. Please add a second month choice as we sometimes have more than one member requesting the same month.
I would like to contribute $______________________ .
In memory of: �����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������
For the month of:___________________________________________ or _________________________________________
postage
To make a donation to cover one month’s postage, we ask that you send a minimum contribution of $300.
There will be a special section for those who contribute to our postage fund, and your loved one’s name
also will be on the MENTION MY NAME page.
I would like to contribute $________________________ to cover one month’s postage.
In memory of: �����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������
publishing fund
To be listed as a donor for our publishing fund, a member may contribute any amount to the Obelisk
Publishing Fund and have your name listed as a donor. Your loved one’s name will appear on the
MENTION MY NAME page as well.
I would like to contribute $_________________________ to the Obelisk Publishing Fund.
In memory of: �����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������
Your Name: �������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������
Name of your loved one: ���������������������������������������������������������������������������������
Date of Birth: _______________ Date of Death:__________________ NOTE: Please fill out the “Mention My Name” page.
Please check here if you wish your donation to remain anonymous.
Make checks payable to: Catholic Charities LOSS Program. All donations to the LOSS Program are tax deductible.
Mail all donations to:
LOSS Program • 721 N. LaSalle Street • Chicago, Illinois 60654
10 OBELISK | May 2017
Mention My Name
Philip J. Hudie
03/30/1971 – 05/30/1995
Dearest Phil,
These words are simple but very true, we
will always love and remember you.
Your loving family,
Mom, Dad, Lynn, Bob,
Valerie, Bob and Connor P.,
and your son Christopher
George F. Hendry
12/15/1972 – 05/17/1997
We love you, darling George!
Mom, Dad, Jack and Bess
Marc A Bruno
11/13/1967 – 05/29/2014
My son you’ve been gone 3 years now
and it seems like forever. I miss you more
every day. Love Mom
Daniel J. DeAno
10/29/1974 – 04/08/2012
Five long years without you…We pray
that God grants peace to your soul and
you rest in his house.
Daniel Scott Miltner
02/23/1968 – 03/25/2014
Your heavenly Birthday. We miss you so.
Kerri, Aidan and Vivian
Love, Mom, Michael,
Jill, David and Forest
Michael R. Dady
10/04/1996 – 03/11/2014
I miss your energizing smile and the light
you brought into a room.
A special thank you to those
who have donated in memory
of a loved one.
Margaret Braun,
Peggy Hughes
Bruce Engle
Auntie Corrine
Ryan Nash
07/20/1996 – 05/06/2012
Your giant smile is missed every single
day. Wonder who you would be today…
always in our hearts.
Love, Mom, Dad and Niki
Steven M. Pasquerelli
05/11/1959 – 11/03/1997
Wishing you love and peace on your
birthday. We miss you and think about
you every day.
Love Mom and Dad
submission form
LOSS provides a space each month in
the OBELISK for the names of people
we have lost to suicide. Survivors need
to be able to hear, see and speak the
names of the persons we have lost. The
response to this opportunity has been an
indication that our LOSS members truly
appre at your request is included in the
month you wish, we ask that you send it
in at least two months before publication:
e.g., to be included in the August
Obelisk, we need to receive it by May 1.
If we receive it late, we will automatically
include it in the next edition, unless
otherwise indicated. We always do our
best to accommodate your request.
Name of Loved One ���������������������������������������������������������
A donation of any size is appreciated to
defray the cost of printing and postage.
______________________________________________________________________________
( Allow two months for publishing.)
Date of Birth ���������������������������������������������������������������
Date of Death ���������������������������������������������������������������
Month Requested�����������������������������������������������������������
Requested by����������������������������������������������������������������
Relationship����������������������������������������������������������������
Please fill in your message in the space below. We ask that you limit your message to 20 words
or less. Longer messages may be edited as space is limited.
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
Please mail to:
LOSS Program, Catholic Charities • 721 N. LaSalle Street • Chicago, Illinois 60654
www.catholiccharities.net/loss 11
LOSS Program/Area 281
721 North LaSalle Street
Chicago, Illinois 60654
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