Princess Alexandra Isn’t Very Happy
Written by Sandy Barker
Sandy Barker started writing plays for her students some time ago and is pleased to be able
to share them with other Drama teachers across the world. As a playwright and Drama teacher,
she strives to provide meaningful parts for a large cast of mixed abilities. Additionally, her oneact plays are simply-staged and draw on themes that are relevant to the performers and
audiences.
Sandy has a degree in Theater Arts and English Literature from Curtin University in Australia, as
well as a post-graduate degree in Education, and started teaching high school Drama in 1994.
Before moving to the United States in 2008, she was Head of Drama at Brigidine College in
Sydney. From 2001 to 2004 she taught an extra-curricular Drama program to children aged 4 to
16 through the Helen O'Grady Drama Academy. From 2005 to 2008, she was an examiner for
the high school Drama performance exams for New South Wales.
Sandy has spent the past few years in the United States working in the tech industry and
completing other writing projects. 2013 sees a return to Australia for Sandy and her family,
where they will be based in Melbourne, Victoria.
Permissions and Royalties
Sandy has agreed to graciously share her script, production notes and study guide (contained in
this document) with teachers worldwide on Drama Notebook. She only asks that if the play is
produced that she be given author credit and have her bio listed in the program. Additionally, if
a fee is charged for a performance, she requests that a $30 royalty per performance be sent to
her. She may be contacted at: [email protected]
© Sandy Barker 2012
Contents
Princess Alexandra Isn’t Very Happy ..........................................................................0
CAST of CHARACTERS ..............................................................................................1
Production Notes ................................................................................................... 24
Study Guide........................................................................................................... 28
Cast of Characters
Queen Alice, her mother
King Sebastian, her father
Lady Prue, lady-in-waiting to the princess
Lady Delilah, lady-in-waiting to the princess
Child
Narrator
Fairy God Sister
Two-headed Evil Witch (played by 2 actors)
Suki the Dragon Slayer
Prince Dylan
Trevor, the witches’ houseboy
The Master of the Guards
© Sandy Barker 2012
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A child w alks on stage SL w ith a book and sits dow n to read. Narrator w alks on
stage SR and sits in a chair, reading aloud from his/ her ow n copy of the sam e book.
Narrator: Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, there was a beautiful princess named
Alexandra.
Child: How boring! This begins like every other fairy tale I’ve ever read. [Child starts to close
the book]
Narrator: Who’s that?
Child: [Talking to the book] It’s me. The reader. I’m going to put this book back on the shelf.
[Child starts to get up]
Narrator: No wait! I can make it better, I promise. Start reading again.
Child: Okay, but it’d better be good. I’m a busy kid, you know. I don’t have time to read
boring books.
Narrator: Okay. Here we go. Once upon a time...
Child: Boring!
Narrator: [Speaking very fast]…there was a rather attractive princess who was bored with her
privileged life and craved adventure.
Child: Much better! Highly original.
Narrator: Her name was Alexandra, and she wasn’t very happy.
Alexandra’s bedroom. Alexandra is on her bed looking into a mirror.
Princess Alexandra: I suppose I should be happy, being rather attractive and living in a huge
castle, and all, but I am SO bored.
There is a knock on the door.
Lady Prue: Princess! Time to get up.
Two Ladies-in-Waiting enter and start fussing about the room. As they speak, they get the
princess ready for her day.
Princess Alexandra: [Sarcastically] Oh goodie!
Lady Delilah: Ready for a fabulous day?
Princess Alexandra: What’s on the agenda Lady Prue?
Lady Prue: [Producing and reading from a Filofax or Tablet] Breakfast meeting with your
husband-to-be. Manicure at 10. Luncheon with girlfriends at 12. Judging the “Village Idiot”
competition at 2, and then your swordplay tutorial at 3. Should I pencil in croquet practice at
4:30?
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Princess Alexandra: Hang on. What was that first thing again?
Lady Delilah: [Reading over Lady Delilah’s shoulder] Breakfast meeting with your husband-tobe.
Princess Alexandra: [Groaning] Not another one! I wonder what prize prince my parents
have picked out for me this time.
Lady Delilah: Well, I heard the cook talking to the coachman and she said the her best
friend’s cousin was once engaged to his brother’s best friend, and apparently he’s not very tall,
but he dances well and has good hair.
Princess Alexandra: [Unimpressed] Terrific.
Lady Prue: If he survives any longer than the others it will be a miracle.
Lady Delilah: Yes, you have had a run of bad luck, I must say. Seven intended husbands,
seven dead princes.
Princess Alexandra: [Snapping] Well, it’s not my fault Lady Delilah. The princess is supposed
to send the prince on a dangerous quest to win her hand. So that’s what I did.
Lady Prue: Perhaps the quests were a little too dangerous.
Princess Alexandra: Oh please. Who wants a husband who can’t climb to the top of the
highest mountain, swim to the bottom of the deepest sea, and slay the fiercest dragon?
Besides, without exception they were all dull and boring, droning on about nothing and never
showing the slightest interest in me. I had to send them on adventures, so we would at least
have something to talk about when they got back.
Lady Prue: Would it not be easier to have a conversation with a live prince, than a dead one?
Lady Delilah: I think she means that you might go easier on this one.
Princess Alexandra: Hmph. We’ll see.
Lady Prue: Well, we must see to breakfast. See you in the dining room.
Alexandra watches them go, and when she is sure she is alone, gets her diary from its hiding
place. She begins writing.
Narrator: [Voicing Alexandra’s thoughts]
Dear Diary,
Mom and Dad, in their infinite wisdom, have found me yet another prince. I’m surprised there
are any left in these parts - considering my track record, that is. But, why don’t they
understand that I want to choose my own husband? I want to fall in love – not be set up on a
life-long blind date by my parents! Besides, there are things I want to do before I get married:
travel, have some adventures of my own...
Child: You go sister!
Narrator: [Addressing the reader] Do you mind?
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Child: She is so cool! Usually the princess just wants to be swept off her feet. I like her!
[Pause] You can go ahead now.
Narrator: [Sarcastically] Thank you so very much. [As Alexandra] More later, Love Alex.
Fairy God Sister: Hmmm…Sounds like you’re in a bit of a pickle, Princess.
Princess Alexandra: What? [She shoves her diary under her bed] Who are you?
Fairy God Sister: I am your Fairy God Sister.
Princess Alexandra: Fairy God Sister?
Fairy God Sister: What?! Do I look old enough to be your mother? Fairy God SISTER.
[Aside] I knew I shouldn’t have skipped that last Botox treatment.
Princess Alexandra: I’m sorry. I mean, you don’t look old or anything, but what exactly is a
Fairy God Sister?
Fairy God Sister: Oh. Well, I am like a guardian angel, a life coach, and a genie all wrapped
into one. So, tell me Alexandra, what is your greatest desire?
Princess Alexandra: Really? [Fairy God Sister looks at her expectantly] Well, I have always
wanted to travel and see the world. I want to see rainforests and mountains and tropical
islands. Oh, AND, I want to fall in love.
Fairy God Sister: Of course. How predictable. They all want to fall in love. Look, we’ll get to
that later. Let’s talk travel - far more interesting.
Princess Alexandra: I would love to see what lies beyond the palace walls and to have grand
adventures.
Fairy God Sister: Now, that sounds more like it. So, what’s the first place on your list?
Queen Alice: [Offstage] Alexandra!! Where are you, girl? We are expecting you in the dining
room. IMMEDIATELY!
Fairy God Sister: Well, better fly. I will be back soon. Don’t you worry.
Princess Alexandra: But…
The Fairy God Sister ‘disappears’ from her room and Alexandra is left alone, looking unhappy
and surprised. She sighs and leaves her room.
Exit SL. BLACKOUT. The bedroom set is removed.
Queen Alice enters SR with Ladies-in-Waiting.
Queen Alice: Where is she? She is supposed to meet her intended in 10 minutes. She is
always off in ‘fantasy land’, that girl.
Lady Prue: Well, you know there has been some talk that she doesn’t want to meet another
prince. [The queen glares at her] However, I could be mistaken.
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Queen Alice: What are you talking about, you silly woman?
Lady Delilah: Madam, I am sorry to say, but Lady Prue is correct. Princess Alexandra has
mentioned to me several times that she does not want to get married yet.
Queen Alice: [Mortified] What?! Every princess wants a prince.
Lady Delilah: Yes, of course, in the long run, but Princess Alexandra has expressed to me that
she wants to travel and have adventures before she falls in love and gets married.
The queen is horrified, and starting to feel sick.
Lady Prue: [Quickly, trying to appease the queen] Really Madam, it is not that bad. A lot of
the princesses are taking some time to see the world, and try new things before they settle into
a life of ruling the kingdom. Queen Alice: Enough! I have never heard of anything so
ridiculous in all my life. Travel?! Love?! For generations the women in my family have
completed their studies, then married a prince from a good kingdom and produced an heir. If it
was good enough for her foremothers, it will be good enough for her. I will not have my
daughter gallivanting around the world doing heaven knows what. She is a PRINCESS! As for
this silly fascination with love…
Princess Alexandra: [Appearing with a smile] Did I hear my name mentioned?
Lady Delilah: [Trying to cover for Alexandra] Hello, Princess. We were just talking to your
mother about your plans for the future.
Princess Alexandra: [Worried] Oh.
Queen Alice: What is all this nonsense about wanting to travel? And adventures? And LOVE?!
Princess Alexandra: Well, [being brave] you might as well know. I really do want to see the
world before I fall in love and settle down. I want to go to white water rafting and do a bungee
jump, maybe some paragliding.
Queen Alice: I have never heard such nonsense. Prince Dylan is due here any minute, and I
will not have you talking about these ridiculous notions. You were raised to become a queen
and rule a kingdom with your husband, and that it what you shall do. Now, shush. Here comes
your father.
King Sebastian: Good morning all. [Kissing the queen on the cheek] Dear, you are looking
lovely this morning. And Alexandra, aren’t you a picture?
Princess Alexandra: Good morning Daddy. [She fakes a smile]
King Sebastian: I have just had word that Prince Dylan has arrived. Shall we go to the dining
room? Alex dear, I know you’ll just adore this one. He is a real ‘catch’, as you young people
say.
Princess Alexandra: [Not so sure] I am sure he is Daddy.
The king and queen lead the way off stage, followed by Princess Alexandra and the ladies-inwaiting.
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© Sandy Barker 2012
Narrator: The family sat down to a sumptuous breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon, wholegrain
toast and ricotta pancakes with maple syrup…
Child: Aw, yum!
Narrator: …and the best part of all was that Princess Alexandra was pleasantly surprised by
Prince Dylan. He was charming, as all princes should be, but most princes rarely were. He was
also thoughtful, asking Alexandra questions about herself. The king and queen exchanged
approving glances across the table. They were sure that this was the prince for their lovely
daughter. After breakfast, Princess Alexandra asked Prince Dylan if he would like to join her for
a walk in the castle’s artificially-cultured rainforest. He happily agreed.
They enter and walk as they talk, looking at various trees and shrubs as they go (in mime).
SFX of a rainforest.
Prince Dylan: So tell me Princess Alexandra, what is your favourite subject of your studies?
Princess Alexandra: Geography. I am fascinated by other places and cultures. I read books
about exotic locations and imagine that I am there. I love watching the travel channel – oh,
and “The Amazing Race” is just so, amazing! [He looks at her quizzically] Uh, have you
traveled much Prince Dylan?
Prince Dylan: Yes. I have been very fortunate. I especially enjoyed my travels to South
America. Perhaps, if we marry, we could go there some day.
Princess Alexandra: Really? You’d take me with you?
Prince Dylan: Of course. I think it is important for all monarchs to travel and to experience
other cultures. How can we be expected to rule our lands with an open mind if we haven’t
seen how other people live?
Princess Alexandra and Prince Dylan continue their walk in mime. He picks a flower and puts it
in her hair. She smiles.
Narrator: Princess Alexandra was extremely impressed by Prince Dylan’s view of the world.
She thought that for once her parents had made a good choice, and that she might be happy to
pursue a relationship with him. She had one niggling thought, though; he seemed rather
serious. She decided to test his sense of humour.
Princess Alexandra: Dylan…oh, do you mind if I call you Dylan.
Prince Dylan: Not at all. It’s my name. Are you happy for me to call you Alexandra?
Princess Alexandra: Actually, I prefer Alex.
Prince Dylan: Then Alex it is.
Princess Alexandra: Dylan?
Prince Dylan: Yes Alex. [She smiles]
Princess Alexandra: Can I ask you something?
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Prince Dylan: Of course.
Princess Alexandra: Why did the dragon cross the road?
Prince Dylan: [Smiling] I don’t know, Alex. Why did the dragon cross the road?
Princess Alexandra: Because, it was the chicken’s day off. [She laughs at her own joke]
Prince Dylan: [Laughing] Oh Alex, you are too much!
Exit.
Narrator: What’s the matter? You’re screwing up your face.
Child: I don’t like him. He’s smarmy.
Narrator: Smarmy, huh? That’s an unusual word for one so young.
Child: I may be young, but I have a diverse vocabulary.
Narrator: I can tell. So, you have a problem with Prince Dylan?
Child: Yeah. There’s something weird about him. He seems too perfect. And too sure of
himself.
Narrator: Smarmy.
Child: Exactly!
Narrator: Well, then you probably won’t like the next bit. [Reading again] Princess Alexandra
was smitten with Prince Dylan. Later that afternoon, instead of attending her swordplay
tutorial, she covered a page in her diary with little hearts and the words ‘Alex loves Dylan’.
Child: Oh please! I thought this princess was different, but she’s just like all the rest! What
about all the cool stuff she wanted to do? This romance stuff is boring!
Narrator: I think it might just be a temporary lapse. Let’s see what happens next.
Child: Okay. I’ll stick with it a while longer.
Narrator: Good for you.
Princess Alexandra is on her bed writing in her diary.
Princess Alexandra: ‘Mrs Prince Dylan’
Fairy God Sister: Hmmm. So, what happened to you then? The last time we spoke you were
talking about adventure, travel, and extreme sports. Now you’re side-tracked by infatuation?
Princess Alexandra: Oh, Fairy God Sister, you should meet him. He’s not like all the others.
Fairy God Sister: Still alive, huh? But for how much longer, Alex?
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Princess Alexandra: I’m too happy to even let that comment bother me. Really, Fairy God
Sister, he’s just darling. He’s short and handsome and he’s been everywhere! And the best
thing is, he’s actually interested in me!
Fairy God Sister: Oh Goody! C’mon Alex. You’ve got plenty of time for all this lovey-dovey
stuff. You’re a bright young woman. Let’s talk about your plans to get out and experience life.
Princess Alexandra: Well, that’s just it. Dylan says he’ll take me on all his adventures with
him. You know? After we’re married.
Fairy God Sister: What are you talking about? You don’t need a man in your life so you can
go traveling. You are quite capable of going on your own.
Princess Alexandra: I guess.
Fairy God Sister: ‘I guess’? Have you forgotten something?
Princess Alexandra: What do you mean?
Fairy God Sister: Oh, I can’t believe this. This morning you were babbling on about seeing
the world. I have been with my travel agent all day lining up a great itinerary, and now you’re
saying you only want to go with ‘Whatsisname’. What happened to that clever head on your
shoulders?
Princess Alexandra: Hey! I’m still clever. Just ‘cause I am falling in love doesn’t mean I’ve
lost IQ points. Why can’t I have love, marriage and adventure?
Fairy God Sister: ‘Why?’ indeed! Wake up girl! You’ve seen Dr. Phil. ‘Having it all’ is a
fairytale. You get married and you’ll be tied to the castle like that [She snaps her fingers]. You
really think that you and Prince ‘Whatsisname’…
Princess Alexandra: [Annoyed] It’s Dylan.
Fairy God Sister: Fine, you and Prince Dylan are going to travel to wild and exotic places?
That’s what single people do! You two will be too busy juggling duties, a mortgage on your
castle, and royal babies, to go anywhere!
Princess Alexandra: Now just a minute! I thought you were supposed to be a guardian
angel, a life coach and a genie all wrapped up in one. You could be a little more supportive.
Fairy God Sister: I just don’t want you to forget your dreams because you’ve met a man.
Lady Prue: [Offstage] Princess! We have something important to tell you. May we come in?
Princess Alexandra: You’ll have to hide. Quick, hide in here – my closet. [Alexandra
smuggles her Fairy God Sister into the closet offstage] Come in!
Lady Prue: Oh Princess, we’ve had some terrible news. On the way back to his castle, Prince
Dylan and his entourage were stopped by bandits, and Prince Dylan was kidnapped.
Princess Alexandra: Kidnapped?!
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Lady Delilah: Yes. His entourage were left tied to trees in the forest, but he was taken away.
Princess Alexandra: Oh my goodness. That’s horrible. Did anyone see where he was taken?
What direction they went?
Lady Prue: No one saw a thing, Princess.
Lady Delilah: They were all blindfolded. Oh, this is such a tragedy.
Princess Alexandra: Right, well there is only one thing to do. We must rescue him.
Lady Delilah: Well, I heard your father discussing the situation with the Master of the Guards.
I think he is sending a regiment shortly.
Princess Alexandra: I don’t mean to send a regiment of soldiers off to rescue Prince Dylan. I
mean that we should go and find him.
Lady Prue: Princess, I don’t think that is wise. I mean, we are just women after all. What
could we possibly do?
Princess Alexandra: Oh for heaven’s sake. We have brains, don’t we? And I have been
studying swordplay since I was five.
Lady Delilah: Yes, but I think your father intended for that to remain a hobby, not something
you actually used in real life.
Princess Alexandra: Well, I cannot say how disappointed I am. All these years together and
I never realized that you are both just big scaredy-cats!
Lady Prue: Princess! That is quite enough. We have served you loyally since you were a
baby. We are ladies of the court, and as such we will behave accordingly, and that does not
mean traipsing about the countryside wielding swords and putting ourselves in danger for a
man we barely know.
Lady Delilah: Yeah!
Princess Alexandra: He isn’t just any man, you know. He is my intended, and I intend to
rescue him. I have finally met a man who is bright and kind and funny, and I am not going to
leave his safety to anyone else. Now if you won’t help me, then I will find some one who will.
You are dismissed.
Lady Prue: I shall be speaking to the queen about this. I am not happy, Princess Alexandra. I
am not happy at all.
Lady Prue exits.
Lady Delilah: In truth, I would love to come with you, but I am so close to my retirement, I
don’t want to jeopardise it. Bob and I have planned a trip to Thailand.
Princess Alexandra: It’s fine Lady Delilah. Really, it is. I have someone in mind that may be
able to help me, but thank you.
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Lady Delilah: I wish you well Princess. I really do think this one is a catch. [She kisses
Alexandra on the cheek and leaves]
Princess Alexandra: [To herself] Me too. [Calling offstage] You can come out now.
Fairy God Sister: [Emerging wearing an assortment of clothing from Alexandra’s closet] You
have some nice things in there.
Princess Alexandra: Did you hear any of that? Prince Dylan has been kidnapped…
Fairy God Sister: Yes, yes, I heard it all…I was wondering if I could borrow that pink top with
the beads…
Princess Alexandra: Will you focus please?! I need you to help me.
Fairy God Sister: Sorry - got carried away. I have been so busy lately that I haven’t had time
to go shopping. Right. So. Prince, kidnapped, rescue. You’ll need some gadgets – and a
horse.
Princess Alexandra: A horse definitely, but I’ll just take one from the stables. What gadgets
did you have in mind?
Fairy God Sister: Well, I have been working with some great people to develop a line of
survival tools and rescue implements. You’d be surprised by what technology offers these days.
Here we are [producing a ‘survival and rescue kit’].
Princess Alexandra: [Pulling out a rope] And what do you call this?
Fairy God Sister: A rope.
Princess Alexandra: [Sarcastically] Amazing technology…
Fairy God Sister: [Putting the rope back in the kit] Here, just take the whole thing. There’s
everything you could possibly need, including a CSI kit, knockout drops for dragons, a spell
reversal pill in case you run into a witch, and some Tic Tacs.
Princess Alexandra: Tic Tacs?
Fairy God Sister: You rescue the prince after duelling dragons, outwitting witches and
wandering the wilderness, there’s a good chance you’ll have bad breath. Doesn’t make for such
a happy ending if he doesn’t want to kiss you. Trust me, I’ve been in this business for a long
time.
Princess Alexandra: I guess you really do know what you’re doing. Thank you Fairy God
Sister. I don’t know what I would have done without you. My ladies-in-waiting couldn’t wait to
desert me!
Fairy God Sister: Yes, well, keep safe. And if you get into a mighty pickle, just send me a
text message and I’ll be there in a jiffy. Speaking of jiffies, I’m due at the beauty parlour in
one. Seeya!
Fairy God Sister exits.
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Princess Alexandra: Right, now I just need to get to the stables and saddle me a horse. Oh,
this is so exciting.
Alexandra exits. BLACKOUT.
Witch’s castle. The stage remains in BLACKOUT.
Witch One: [Offstage ] Just put him over there. And be careful with him! He is
precious.
Witch Two: Yes, extremely. Used to be that you couldn’t swing a dead ferret without hitting a
prince. Now they’re as rare as dragon’s teeth.
The prince lands roughly on the stage as the lights come up. He is blindfolded. The Twoheaded Witch enters and looks at their ‘catch’.
Witch One: Let’s get a look at him then. [She removes the blindfold; he struggles with his
bindings] Oh, he’s a pretty one.
Witch Two: Yes, well you always like the pretty ones. If you ask me, he’s not tall enough. I
like them tall.
Witch One: Well, I didn’t ask you. If it were up to you, we would have kidnapped a giant.
And you know they don’t bring high ransoms anymore. Not since that Jack fellow cut down the
beanstalk and Giant Incorporated crashed. I lost so much money on that.
Witch Two: Will you ever stop going on about that? We have more important matters at
hand. Trevor!
Trevor appears, wiping a teacup with a dish towel.
Trevor: Oh goody, he’s here. I was just making a pot of tea. Can I interest anyone in some
Earl Grey and home-made cookies?
Witch Two: Oh, I love Earl Grey! Reminds me of when we trekked through India.
Witch One: [Cutting her off] We haven’t the time for tea.
Witch Two: But there’s always time for tea.
Witch One: Not today. We have kidnapping duties to attend to. [To Trevor] Did you do as I
asked?
Trevor: Oh yes. I have it all ready.
Witch Two: What do you have already? What’s going on? Oh, you never tell me anything!
Witch One: [Fed up] You were there when I told him to do it! He’s written the ransom note,
you idiot!
Witch Two: No need to get so touchy.
Trevor: It really is quite brilliant, if I do say myself. Do you want to read it?
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Witch One: No, no. We haven’t the time. I am sure that you did a terrific job.
Trevor: Why, thank you. So, tea?
Witch Two: Milk and sugar please.
Witch One: Oh, for heaven’s sake. Am I the only one who remembers that there is a
kidnapped prince in our living room? We need to get that ransom note to his kingdom.
Immediately!
Witch Two: I’ll take it. You stay here. [Witch One rolls her eyes in frustration]
Trevor: I insist that I go. It really is no trouble. I will deliver it and be back here before you
can say ‘cucumber sandwiches’.
Trevor exits.
The prince starts to struggle, and the witches turn their attention on him.
Witch Two: Oh look, he is trying to tell us something.
Witch One: What could he possibly have to say? [She removes the gag]
Prince Dylan: [With bravado] That’s it! You’re in big trouble now. [The two witches
exchange a look] You kidnap me, tie me up and drag me here against my will? Do you know
who I am?
Witch One: [To Two] And I thought you were dumb. [To Prince Dylan] Of course we know
who you are, you imbecile. We kidnapped you for that very reason.
Prince Dylan: [Bravado dropping] Well, what are you going to do with me, then? You’re not
going to…to hurt me are you?
Witch Two: Oh, we wouldn’t do that. We’re witches, not barbarians.
Witch One: Please let me handle this. Look, we are just going to keep you here until your
kingdom pays the ransom. [The prince looks horrified] Times are tough, you know. Not much
call for magic and potions anymore.
Witch Two: We’ve had to resort to other means of making a living: extortion, kidnapping,
fraud.
Prince Dylan: [Interrupting] Yes, but how much are you asking for?
Witch One: What’s that to you? Let’s just say it is enough to carry us through winter.
Witch Two: Yes, our stove bit the dust, and we need a new electric blanket.
Prince Dylan: But you don’t understand. My kingdom is broke.
Witches One and Two: What?!
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Prince Dylan: Why do you think I am courting Princess Alexandra? No other prince within
miles will go near her, but my parents insisted I court her and marry her as soon as possible, so
I will get half of her kingdom. I’m dreading the quest she’s going to send me on. I’ll probably
end up dead. In fact I’m sure I’m safer here – no offence.
Witch Two: None taken.
Witch One: So, you’re telling us that you’re a dud kidnappee?
Prince Dylan: That’s right. They won’t pay the ransom, because they haven’t any money to
pay it with.
Witch Two: This is a disaster.
Witch One: For once I agree with you.
BLACKOUT.
Child: You see? You see? I was right about him – he’s up to no good!
Narrator: Yes, yes, you were right, but the princess doesn’t know any of this yet. Let’s see
what she’s up to.
Lights up on Princess as she is trying to read a map.
Princess Alexandra: Right, now, if that’s north, then there should be a crossroads up here
somewhere. [Confused] Or maybe, that’s north. Oh, I wish I had brought a compass.
Fairy God Sister: [Entering] Did I hear someone say, ‘wish’? Looking for one of these? [Fairy
God Sister produces a compass]
Princess Alexandra: Oh, Fairy God Sister, thank goodness. I am just all back to front when it
comes to reading maps.
Fairy God Sister: Well, that way is north [She points].
Princess Alexandra: No wonder I’ve been walking around in circles.
Fairy God Sister: What? Walking? What happened to your horse?
Princess Alexandra: Well, he sort of ran away when I was taking a bathroom break.
Fairy God Sister: Princess, you’re supposed to tie them to a tree or something.
Princess Alexandra: I guess I am just no good at this adventure stuff, after all.
Fairy God Sister: Nonsense, it’s just a minor setback, that’s all. Keep your chin up and all
that.
Princess Alexandra: Thanks, Fairy God Sister.
Fairy God Sister: Look, it is getting dark. Perhaps we should find somewhere to camp for the
night.
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Princess Alexandra: You’ll stay with me?
Fairy God Sister: Well, I know you’re being the brave, independent princess and all, but that
doesn’t mean you don’t need a little help – or some company. Right?
Princess Alexandra: True. This adventure stuff is hard work. But, I went to the site of the
kidnapping and found some very interesting clues. Thumbs up for your CSI kit.
Fairy God Sister: So, what did you work out?
Princess Alexandra: Well, Prince Dylan was abducted by…[A horrible noise interrupts her]
What’s that noise?
The Dragon Slayer: [Offstage] Look out!
Princess Alexandra: What’s happening? [Looking around]
Fairy God Sister: Who’s there?
The Dragon Slayer: [Offstage] DUCK!
BLACKOUT.
Child: Why’d you stop? What’s happening? What’s going on?
Narrator: I just wanted to make sure you weren’t going to get scared. This is the part with
the dragon.
Child: The dragon?! How cool. I’ve been waiting for this bit. Well, come on. Keep going.
Narrator: Kids these days…all that X-box and YouTube. Numbs them to everything. Not even
scared by a dragon anymore.
Child: Hey! Are you a narrator or a social commentator? Excitable child here, waiting to be
entertained. Hello?
Narrator: Well, where was I? Oh yes. A huge, hairy-nosed dragon swooped low over the
Princess and her Fairy God Sister, claws at the ready, but they ducked into a ditch, just in time.
Child: Hairy-nosed dragon? I’ve never heard of one of those.
Narrator: Yes, well, it is a lesser-known dragon native to Australia. May I continue?
Child: Please do.
Narrator: From their vantage point in the ditch, the Princess and her Fairy God Sister
witnessed a battle like they’d never seen before.
Child: Had either of them actually seen a battle before?
Narrator: [Looking at the child, annoyed] The voice they’d heard before the attack belonged
to none other than Suki the Dragon Slayer. The dragon slayer fought valiantly, and with her
© Sandy Barker 2012
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expertise and tenacity, the dragon never had a chance. It fell to the ground with a thunderous
thud, and when Princess Alexandra and her Fairy God Sister realized they were safe once again,
they climbed out from the ditch to greet their heroine.
Princess Alexandra: Wow! That was the most amazing thing I have ever seen!
Fairy God Sister: I think I’ve ruined my dress! [Princess Alexandra nudges her] Oh, yes,
thank you for the head’s up - great to be saved and all.
Princess Alexandra: Yes, thank you.
The Dragon Slayer: No problem. It is my duty, you see. Suki the Dragon Slayer at your
service. [She bows deeply]
Fairy God Sister: Hi. This is Princess Alexandra and I am her Fairy God Sister.
The Dragon Slayer: God Sister?
Fairy God Sister: Oh, not that again.
Princess Alexandra: I’m sorry, but did you say that dragon slaying is your job?
The Dragon Slayer: Yes, indeedy. Got the union card to prove it. Would you like to see
[reaching for her union card]?
Princess Alexandra: Uh, no thanks. I believe you. But I am curious, how did you become a
dragon slayer?
The Dragon Slayer: [She cleans her sword as she speaks] Well, one day I sitting with all the
other scribes, writing my umpteenth scroll and I thought, ‘there has to be more to life than
this’. I was tired of having a desk job and living inside my head. I wanted adventure – you
know, to live a little. Then someone told me about this new course to become a dragon slayer
and thought, ‘hey, that’d be way cool’. So, I trained up and here I am.
Princess Alexandra: Well, I must say you’re darned good at it.
Fairy God Sister: And it must be a fascinating lifestyle.
The Dragon Slayer: You know, I can’t complain. I get to travel, I meet interesting people.
And it’s very exciting. But, let’s get back to you two. What are you doing in this neck of the
woods? It’s very dangerous.
Princess Alexandra: My fiancé, Prince Dylan, was kidnapped and we’re searching for him.
The clues have led us in this direction.
The Dragon Slayer: Well, I’d be happy to help. You might need some protection in these
parts.
Fairy God Sister: Actually, if you could accompany the princess, that would be terrific. I have
some charity work I’ve been meaning to do, and I really need to get back to the office.
The Dragon Slayer: No problem. I’d be my pleasure.
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Princess Alexandra: And my father can pay you handsomely when this is all done.
The Dragon Slayer: I won’t say no to that. A girl’s gotta make a living!
Fairy God Sister: All settled then. Princess, remember to call if you need me.
Princess Alexandra: I will. Thank you for finding me in the woods.
Fairy God Sister: Alex, sweetie, it’s my job. Now, good luck finding your man. Ciao for now.
Fairy God Sister exits Stage Right.
The Dragon Slayer: We should get moving. On the way you can tell me everything you know
about where your fiancé might be.
Princess Alexandra: Shouldn’t we set up camp? It’s starting to get dark.
The Dragon Slayer: No time for sleep, Princess. C’mon.
Princess Alexandra: [Uncertain] Okay, sure.
They start to walk off Stage Left.
Princess Alexandra: Hey, I found some fascinating clues at the crime site.
The Dragon Slayer: Oh, do tell.
Exit
Witches enter from Stage Right
Witch One: This is a disaster. You were in charge of research. How come you didn’t realize
he’s a dud?
Witch Two: Don’t you blame this on me. It wasn’t my idea to kidnap a royal. I wanted to bet
on a horse and carriage race, if you’ll remember. I had a sure thing.
Witch One: Yes, yes. I remember. Not that it helps us now. We must think. What can we
do?
Witch Two: Well, I can’t think when I’m this stressed out. Trevor!
Trevor: [Entering] Madam, how can I fulfil your greatest desire?
Witch Two: Well, my greatest desire is to retire to the tropics, but I’d settle for that pot of tea
you mentioned earlier.
Witch One: Tea again? Is that all you can think about?
Witch Two: It’s a start. Perhaps you should have some too, so you’re not so tetchy.
Witch One: Oh, alright.
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Trevor: Shall I serve it on the terrace?
Witch Two: Yes, thank you.
Trevor: As you wish. [Exits]
Witch Two: C’mon, you. We’ll think of something as we watch the sun set.
Witch One: You know, sometimes you can be the best sister ever.
Witch Two: Don’t let that get around.
They exit.
Suki the Dragon Slayer and Princess Alexandra enter from opposite side of the stage.
Princess Alexandra: They’re gone. Thank goodness.
The Dragon Slayer: Goodness hasn’t got anything to do with it. I think we can thank Trevor –
that must be some tea!
Princess Alexandra: Right! Now, we just have to find the prince.
The prince hops onstage, bound and gagged.
The Dragon Slayer: Well, that wasn’t too hard.
Princess Alexandra rushes over to Prince Dylan.
Princess Alexandra: Prince Dylan. Are you okay?
He tries to respond through the gag. She takes it off.
Prince Dylan: We’ve got to get out of here. Those witches are insane! All they do is argue.
You have no idea what I’ve been through. Here [He thrusts his tied hands at her]. Untie me.
The Dragon Slayer: Um, hello? How ‘bout some manners?
Prince Dylan: Excuse me? Who are you?
The Dragon Slayer: I am Suki the Dragon Slayer, and I am here with Princess Alexandra to
rescue you. And for the record, you have no idea what she’s been through.
Prince Dylan: What are you talking about? [To Princess Alexandra] Do you know the way
out? We’ve got to go, before they come back.
Princess Alexandra continues to untie the prince through the following lines.
The Dragon Slayer: What’s the magic word?
Prince Dylan: I beg your pardon.
The Dragon Slayer: Close, but it is actually, ‘please’?
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Prince Dylan: Alex, really, who is this insufferable woman?
Princess Alexandra: She’s my friend, Dylan, and she helped me to find this castle.
Prince Dylan: Yes, well, there really is no time for pleasantries. Finish untying me, so we can
go. Hurry up, woman.
She stops untying him.
Princess Alexandra: Excuse me? ‘Hurry up, woman’?
The Dragon Slayer: Yeah, he’s a real prize prince, Alex. Can see why you’re so into him.
Princess Alexandra: You know, Suki is right. I’ve been through a lot to get here. How many
other princesses would do the same? And I don’t see any men from your kingdom here, Dylan.
Come to think of it, not even my father’s men found where you were being kept. But I did.
And this is how I am greeted? ‘Hurry up woman’? [She stands up] Perhaps I should just leave
you here. Maybe you could share a room with Trevor. He seems really friendly. C’mon Suki.
The Dragon Slayer: See ya. Wouldn’t wanna be ya.
The two women start to leave.
Prince Dylan: No, wait! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so horrid. It was just the stress of
being kidnapped and all. PLEASE, untie me and then, PLEASE let us get out of here.
The Dragon Slayer: Oh look, someone did teach him manners after all. Okay, Wussy Boy,
let’s get you untied. Alex? A little help here, chickadee.
She helps, reluctantly. They untie Dylan, and he stands.
The Dragon Slayer: Okay, now this way out. [They start to exit] C’mon, Wussy Boy.
Prince Dylan: Please don’t call me that. My name is Prince Dylan.
The Dragon Slayer: Whatever you say, Wussy Boy.
Princess Alexandra: Oh brother.
BLACKOUT.
Child: Told ya!
Narrator: What are you gloating about?
Child: Dylan. He is such a loser, and now Alex knows the truth.
Narrator: Yes, well perhaps you could be less excited about that, considering Alexandra is
single - again.
Child: Oh, she’ll find someone. She’s totally cool.
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Narrator: Well, there’s still a bit to go, so let’s keep reading. Princess Alexandra and her new
friend, Suki the Dragon Slayer, led Prince Dylan out of the Two-headed Witch’s castle. They
were devastated when they discovered that Prince Dylan had escaped.
Witches One and Two: [Offstage] Oh no! How devastating!
Narrator: But meanwhile back in the woods, something magical was about to
happen.
Princess Alexandra: This is it. This is the spot where they kidnapped you.
Prince Dylan: So it is. But how did you work out where they had taken me?
Princess Alexandra: [Challenging his cocky attitude] Well, I just examined the forensic clues
left at the scene and they led me straight to the Castle of the Two-headed Witch. It was really
quite easy.
Prince Dylan: Well, of course it was. I left a trail.
The Dragon Slayer: Really? A trail of fear?
Prince Dylan: I wouldn’t expect someone of your calibre to understand the fine art…
Master of the Guards: [Offstage, cutting the prince off] Hark! Who goes there?
He enters.
Princess Alexandra: Master of the Guards, how good it is to see you.
The Dragon Slayer: Hi, cutie. I’m Suki. [She curtseys, awkwardly]
Master bows to them both.
Master of the Guards: I must say, Princess I am very relieved to see you. We just got word
from the palace that you were missing and we were looking for you. [He sees Prince Dylan]
Prince Dylan, you’ve been found! But, how?
Princess Alexandra: I found him – with some help from friends.
Master of the Guards: Really Princess, how extraordinary. We’ve been combing this area for
clues all day.
Princess Alexandra: As I said, I did have help, but the forensic evidence really was very
clear.
Master of the Guards: Well, you have done an excellent job. If only I had someone as keenminded as you on my staff. You must tell me all about this ‘forensics’ sometime.
Princess Alexandra: Oh, I’d love that.
The Dragon Slayer: [Nudging Princess Alexandra closer to him] Perhaps you two should meet
for a coffee some time to talk it over.
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Master of the Guards: [Considering it] Actually, I’d really like that.
Princess Alexandra: I would too.
Prince Dylan: Um, excuse me. I hate to interrupt all this flirtatious chit-chat, but haven’t you
forgotten something, Princess?
Princess Alexandra: What’s that?
Prince Dylan: You and I are intended for each other. I hardly think it is appropriate for you to
be making goo-goo eyes at ‘soldier boy’ here.
Master of the Guards: I beg your pardon, young man. Prince or not, that is no way to speak
to…
Princess Alexandra: Thank you Master of the Guards, but I would like to handle this.
Master of the Guards: As you wish, Princess. [He steps back]
Princess Alexandra: Prince Dylan, when I first met you, I thought you were everything I ever
wanted in a man. I thought I would have great adventures with you, but now I see that I was
wrong. You really need to be with someone who isn’t going to say ‘boo’ to you. I think that
you’d prefer a wife who will do as you say. And that, simply, is not me.
Prince Dylan: Well, just wait until your father hears about this. I’m going back to my castle,
alone!
He storms off.
The Dragon Slayer: Well, yes you are, but actually, it’s that way.
She points in the opposite direction. He huffs and storms off.
The Dragon Slayer: No wonder I’m still single. Look at what’s out there. Well, I must be off.
Alex, promise to keep in touch?
Princess Alexandra: [Hugging her] Of course!! But Suki, will you be okay getting home on
your own, in the middle of the night? [Suki looks at her] Oh, of course you will. How silly of
me.
The Dragon Slayer: It was lovely to meet you, Master of the Guards.
Master of the Guards: Likewise. And, here [he hands her a purse of gold]. For your troubles.
Much appreciated.
He salutes Suki. She winks at the princess and exits.
Master of the Guards: Can my men and I escort you home, Princess? We have a carriage
with us.
Princess Alexandra: Only if you’ll join me.
Master of the Guards: I would like that very much.
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They exit. BLACKOUT.
Narrator: Benjamin – the Master of the Guards - and Alexandra talked non-stop all the way
back to the palace. Alexandra couldn’t believe how easy he was to talk to, and how
comfortable she felt with him. However, at the palace, her parents were in a panic.
Queen Alice: Where is she? She has never disappeared like this before.
King Sebastian: My dear, there is no need to panic. As soon as we realized she was missing,
I sent a message to the Palace Guard. They will find her, I am sure.
Lady Delilah: Madam, she can’t have gone far. She has a hair appointment booked first thing
in the morning. She’d never miss that.
Lady Prue: I think what Lady Prue means to say madam, is that the princess is bound to show
up at any minute.
Queen Alice: Yes, yes, I am sure you are all correct. It’s just that…
Enter Alexandra and Master of the Guards
Princess Alexandra: Hello, everyone.
Queen Alice: My daughter! Where have you been? We’ve been looking for you for hours.
You had us worried sick!
Princess Alexandra: It is a long story, Mother. Let’s just say that I had a grand adventure,
and now I am back safe and sound.
King Sebastian: Well, we were worried Alexandra. You must not run off like that again.
Master of the Guards, thank you for finding my daughter.
Master of the Guards: Actually Your Majesty, it was she who found me.
King Sebastian: [Hugging his daughter] Well, she’s safe and that’s all that matters. Oh, did
you manage to find Prince Dylan?
Master of the Guards: Well, sir, there is a lot I need to discuss with you. Things are not as
they originally seemed. Do you think we might go to your study?
King Sebastian: Why, yes, that would be fine. I’ll send for some brandy. [Kisses Queen on
the cheek] Goodnight my dear. [Kisses Alexandra on the cheek] I am glad you are safe, my
little princess.
Princess Alexandra: Thank you, daddy. I’ll talk to you in the morning.
They exit.
Master of the Guards: Goodnight Princess. I hope to see you in the morrow?
Princess Alexandra: Goodnight Master of the Guards. And yes, I think that can be arranged.
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He bows to the Queen; she nods in response. He exits smiling at Alexandra. Lady Prue is busily
looking through the Filofax/Tablet.
Queen Alice: Alexandra, this is all too much. You simply must tell me what’s been going on.
Princess Alexandra: I promise I will explain everything tomorrow, mother. I am really very
tired, and simply must go to bed. Goodnight ladies.
Lady Delilah: Goodnight princess. I am so glad you’re safe.
Lady Prue: Goodnight princess and remember that you must be up early tomorrow. We have
a very busy day planned. I will not let your schedule go awry because you sent yourself off on
a little adventure.
Princess Alexandra: Oh Lady Prue, you really must lighten up.
Lady Prue: What? Oh, I never.
The ladies curtsey and exit.
Princess Alexandra: Goodnight, mother. [The princess kisses her on the cheek]
Queen Alice: Yes, yes, Goodnight dear. [Princess exits] Oh I do wish people told me what
was going on around here.
Exits. Blackout.
Alexandra enters her room.
Princess Alexandra: Oh Fairy God Sister!
Fairy God Sister: [Coming out of Alex’s closet wearing the top she’d asked to borrow] Oh
hello. Back so soon?
Princess Alexandra: I thought I heard someone rummaging around in there.
She sits on her bed.
Fairy God Sister: I was just…oh, never mind. How’d it go? Did you find him? How is he?
Tell, tell, tell.
She sits on Alexandra’s bed.
Princess Alexandra: Yes, we did find him, and I had the best time with Suki – she is so cool!
But, it turns out that Dylan is a giant jerk.
Fairy God Sister: Oh, princess, I am so sorry.
Princess Alexandra: Well, I’m not. Fairy God Sister, I think I met someone, someone
unexpected.
Fairy God Sister: Ooh, do tell.
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Princess Alexandra: Well, he works for my father…
BLACKOUT.
Narrator: The princess and Fairy God Sister talked long into the night, while the Master of the
Guards convinced the king to let Alexandra work for the Palace Guard’s investigative division.
He also asked the king for permission to date his daughter. The king was delighted. He had
known this young man since he was born, having been close friends with his father. He was
sure this would be a good match – more sure than he’d ever been before, because he knew
that Alexandra had chosen this man herself. He couldn’t wait to tell the queen. THE END.
Child: Hang on. What do you mean, ‘The End’?
Narrator: You know, ‘the end’. It’s finished. Over. Time to move on.
Child: But, does she take the job? Do they get married? What happens with Suki? You can’t
end it there!
Narrator: Well, yes I can, actually. I’m the narrator.
Child: More like the dictator.
Narrator: I take exception to that. Don’t you think it’s better for the reader to imagine the
ending they want? If you want Alexandra to get a fantastic job with the Palace Guard, for
Dylan to get his comeuppance, and for Suki to find someone to love, then that’s what happens.
Child: But what about Alexandra and the Master of the Guards? Do they live happily ever
after?
Narrator: Oh, for goodness sake. When I started this story, you said it was boring because it
was like every other story, and you want it to end like every other story.
Child: I guess I just need some closure. And a happy ending.
Narrator: Fine then! And they all lived happily ever after. Satisfied?
Child: Yeah, I guess that’ll do. So, have you got any more stories?
BLACKOUT
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Princess Alexandra Isn’t Very Happy
Production Notes
Casting
The play can be performed by an all-female or male/female cast. The characters from the castle
(Princess Alexandra, the Ladies-in-Waiting, the King and Queen, the Prince and the Master of
the Guards) have ‘upper class’ accents.
Princess Alexandra This character appears onstage for most of the play, so it is recommend
that you cast a confident and /or experienced performer. Alexandra is a little self-centered, but
does not see herself this way. She wants to be a modern princess, independent and to have
adventures. She is seeking a potential husband who wants to share an adventurous life with
her, although she has been responsible for the death of seven suitors – the quests she sends
them on are far too dangerous and none of them have survived so far. Her closest allies are her
ladies-in-waiting. Fairy God Sister and Suki.
Queen Alice The queen is a pragmatist and doesn’t like that Alexandra seems to be distracted
from the task of finding a suitable husband. She believes that women have a duty to marry,
produce an heir and live a relatively quiet life at home in the castle. Of all the characters,
Queen Alice is the most formal in her speech and demeanor. She carries her status with ease
and simply assumes that everyone will do as she says.
King Sebastian The king is less worried about Alexandra, and just wants for his daughter to
be happy. He is a kind and jovial man, sometimes having to keep the peace between his
daughter and his wife.
Lady Prue She is the most senior of the ladies-in-waiting and takes her job very seriously. She
is a traditionalist, much like the queen, and although she has loyally served the princess since
she was a baby, Lady Prue can also be curt and direct. She considers herself to be above
frivolities.
Lady Delilah She is more kindly towards the princess and is far more understanding. She
sometimes feels trapped in the middle of the other two and when she does, she becomes
flustered and worried. She smiles frequently and tries to look on the bright side of bad
situations.
Child This role is between 6 and 8, but can be played by a performer of any age. He or she is
bright and confident, and not afraid to ask questions. His/her interactions with the narrator
should be snappy banter.
Narrator This role keeps the pace of the play moving along. When narrating the princess’
narrative, the vocals should be engaging and dramatic. Her/she should ‘read’ from the large
book. When interacting with the child, the narrator is typically (slightly) irritated or amused.
Fairy God Sister She has a lot of energy and when on stage should find it hard to keep still,
almost as if she has a song playing inside her head. She is a trendy and contemporary dresser,
© Sandy Barker 2012
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who has a crazy hairstyle and love of cute clothes and shoes. She is good at her job, but
doesn’t take life too seriously.
Two-headed Evil Witch This role was originally created for identical twins, but it can be just
as effective casting two performers who look nothing alike – you could even cast one male and
one female. To make movement as easy as possible, try to cast performers of similar heights.
One witch is the brains and the other one drives her crazy with silly comments and questions.
Feel free to play with slapstick humor when blocking scenes with the witches. It is
recommended to have the performers attached at the hip with one arm around each other from
the beginning of rehearsals, so that they get used to moving in synch. They have 4 legs and 2
arms between them. Practice manipulating objects with one hand each. See costumes below.
Suki the Dragon Slayer Cast a strong performer for this role. She is brave, tough and a little
sarcastic. Her dragon slaying takes place offstage, but she should still have a very strong
presence onstage.
Prince Dylan He is smarmy, just like the child says. He only wants to marry Princess Alexandra
for her fortunes. In the play he is described at short, dark and handsome, but this description
can be altered to suit the performer who is cast in the role. He is vain and vapid. When he is
with the princess he is putting on an act. We see his true colors after he has been kidnapped by
the witches. He is a coward, and he is rude and demanding.
Trevor, the witches’ houseboy He is funny, pays attention to the smallest detail and is very
flamboyant. Witch Two has a little crush on him, and just adores him. Witch One has no time
for his fussiness, and is often impatient with him.
The Master of the Guards He ends up being Princess Alexandra’s perfect match. He should
be confident and commanding. He considers the task of finding the princess of utmost
importance, and is genuinely relieved when she is found. He is pleasantly surprised to discover
that she is capable, clever and interested in police work.
Costumes
Costume this play as ‘traditionally’ as possible for a fairytale – although some characters will be
dressed anachronistically in contemporary clothes.
The Royals: Dresses for the princess, ladies-in-waiting and the queen should be long. There
are many styles you can opt for – here are a few suggestions:
Turn of 19th Century
© Sandy Barker 2012
Medieval
“Disney”
25
18th Century
Long dresses bought from a charity store or borrowed from the back of someone’s closet can
often be adapted or embellished by someone crafty for little cost.
The ladies-in-waiting will be more plainly dressed than the princess and the queen.
The queen should wear a crown, tiara or some sort of head piece, and perhaps even a cloak
over her dress. Embellish each costume appropriately with jewelry, hairstyles and makeup.
The king and prince should wear costumes that complement the ladies’ costumes. Consider a
cloak and crown for the king to show that he is of higher status.
Turn of 19th Century
Century
Medieval
Disney
18th
The witches’ costume will likely need to be customized. You can create an extra-wide black
dress with two neck holes. Cinch it at the waist. Tease hair and use makeup to create pale skin
and dark circles under the eyes. Grey or black lips. Black shoes and leggings or long socks
under the dress will help to keep focus on the top part of the costume.
Trevor should wear a Hawaiian shirt – or something similar as long as it is festive. Embellish
the costume to suit the performer who portrays him. He is supposed to be flamboyant, so an
outrageous hairstyle, or fun accessories or shoes will only enhance the character. Do not try to
conform him to traditional fairytale dress.
For Suki the Dragon Slayer think ‘Xena warrior woman.’ She can wear tank top with a
breastplate either purchased cheaply at a costume store, or constructed from cardboard and
painted gold. A leather gladiator-style ‘skirt’ can be made by adding strips of brown fabric to a
dark-colored skirt. Add brown or black knee-high boots. She will need a sword (for show, rather
than function). Add arm bands made from fabric.
The Master of the Guards will be dressed similarly to the king and the prince, but add some
military embellishment, such as epaulets, a sash, or a sword.
The Narrator can be dressed like a grandma or granddad, or in any other contemporary
clothes.
The Child should be dressed in bright colors as though 6 to 8 years of age. Be sure to have
both characters wear pants as they sit facing the audience throughout the play.
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Staging
Stage directions throughout the play explain where characters enter and exit the stage, as well
as where props and setting pieces are, and where particular action takes place. Use the basic
stage directions grid as shown here:
There is no major scenery required. Most of the action is continuous, with entrances, exits and
blackouts marking changes in location and/or time.
The Narrator and the Child are onstage throughout the play, one Stage Right, the other Stage
Left. When they are not conversing, they are dimly lit and can observe the action of the play or
‘read’ their books. When they are conversing, they are lit, while the rest of the stage is in
darkness. The Narrator sits on an armchair and the Child sits on a large cushion or beanbag.
Alexandra’s bedroom requires simple staging, with some stage blocks covered with bedding to
represent a bed. If you do not have stage blocks available use another piece of furniture to
depict her bedroom. It should be something easy to set in place and strike from the stage in a
blackout, such as a chair or cushion, OR you could set it and leave it throughout the play. Her
‘closet’ is off-stage.
Use only essential props as noted throughout the play. Most props will be carried onstage by a
performer.
Lighting and Sound
Lighting is (relatively) simple. If you are able to create several lighting states, you will want a
general wash that is used throughout most of the play, and to be able to isolate DSR, DSL, and
CS. Lighting states are indicated in the stage directions. If not indicated, use a general wash
that lights the whole stage.
There is one scene in which you can add background sound effects: when Prince Dylan and
Alexandra are in the artificially-cultured rainforest. You could use a rainforest-like meditation
track, if a sound effects track in not available. This sound effect is optional.
Curtain Call
Play a recent, popular song that is lively and will engage the audience. The Narrator and Child
will stand up in black out and form the center of the curtain call. The other cast members
should enter from SR and SL, in order of their appearance in the play. Once the whole cast is
onstage, give two or three bows in unison.
Half the cast peels off to exit SR, half to exit SL.
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Princess Alexandra Isn’t Very Happy
Study Guide
Overview for Teachers/Directors
This play is a spoof on traditional fairytales written for performers aged 11 to 16, depending on
ability and maturity of the cast. It will play well to audiences of peers, as well as
teachers/parents.
Thematically it addresses traditional gender roles, loyalty, status/class, as well as exploiting and
exploding fairytale archetypes.
As a performer, an excellent way to track character development and emerging themes is
through journaling and/or annotating the play. This aspect of studying the play can be
incorporated into the class/rehearsal work or completed at home.
Synopsis
A narrator reads the following story to a child, who interrupts with interjections, commentary
and questions throughout.
Alexandra is a princess, whose parents – like most other kings and queens – want her to marry
and produce an heir. She has already had seven suitors, and all of them died when she sent
them on their quests to win her hand. The women closest to her are her ladies-in-waiting who
try to give her helpful advice, but what she really wants is to have her own adventures, to
travel and to see the world. She meets a new ally in her Fairy God Sister, a woman who wants
to help her fulfill her dreams rather than her duty.
When the 8th potential suitor, Prince Dylan, shows up, Alexandra is skeptical. However, she is
pleasantly surprised when he seems to be a good match for her, and encourages her sense of
adventure. When he is returning to his own kingdom, his party is attacked and he is kidnapped
by the Two-headed Witch.
Upon discovery that her new love has been kidnapped, Alexandra realizes that she must go
after him, and tries to convince her ladies-in-waiting to accompany her. They decline, but her
Fairy God Sister saves the day with some words of encouragement, some vital supplies and a
promise to appear if Alexandra needs her. Alexandra sets off.
Meanwhile, at the Two-headed Witch’s castle, Trevor, their servant has prepared the ransom
note which he plans to deliver to Prince Dylan’s kingdom. That is until the prince reveals to the
Two-headed Witch and Trevor that his kingdom is very poor and that is why he is courting
Princess Alexandra. They won’t pay the ransom because they don’t have the money. The Twoheaded Witch is devastated.
At the scene of the kidnapping Alexandra uses her CSI kit to determine that Prince Dylan is
being kept at the castle of the Two-headed Witch. However, she also manages to get herself
lost and needs to be rescued by her Fairy God Sister, who shows up with a compass and some
more encouraging words. Suddenly they hear a great roar erupting from the forest. They are
saved from an attack by a hairy-nosed dragon by Suki the Dragon Slayer.
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Suki agrees to accompany Alexandra on the rest of her journey to rescue the prince, as Fairy
God Sister has an urgent errand, and the two successfully find the prince inside the castle. As
they are rescuing him, he shows his true character, which is an impatient, rude, condescending
coward. Alexandra realizes that he is not the man for her, but rescues him anyway.
As the three make their way back to the palace, they come upon the Master of the Guards, who
the king has sent to find Alexandra and rescue Prince Dylan. He is impressed by Alexandra’s
detective work, and it seems that there might be a future for her working in that field. It also
seems that the Master of the Guards and Princess Alexandra get along very well. Prince Dylan
notices their flirtation and leaves in a huff. They all return to the palace to a warm welcome,
and Alexandra’s Fairy God Sister makes a final appearance to hear the news of Alexandra’s
adventure.
The child is unhappy with an ambiguous ending and asks for a happy one. The narrator obliges
– begrudgingly.
Discussion Questions
Read the play as a class/group and then discuss the following, or invite students to consider
these questions in their Drama journals/characterization notebooks:
Fairytales and Characters
As a group, list all the fairytales that you can remember. Identify some typical characters from
fairytales. Examples may include: a princess, a prince, an evil witch, a dragon, a fairy
godmother. What purpose does each of these characters serve in the stories? Consider the
concepts of hero(ine)/protagonist, ally, villain/antagonist, love interest, and so forth. Identify
each of these character roles in this play.
What are the expectations that Alexandra’s family (including her ladies-in-waiting) place on her?
Are these reasonable? Is it fair that Alexandra wants to ignores these expectations and do other
things with her life?
How does Fairy God Sister’s perspective on life affect Alexandra?
How does Alexandra’s experience with Suki affect her?
Who is the greater villain, Dylan or the Two-headed Witch? Explain.
Why do you think the Child wants a ‘better’ ending?
How do you think the story ends for the main characters?
Loyalty
What does it mean to be a loyal friend or ally to someone?
Do you consider the actions of the ladies-in-waiting to be loyal or disloyal?
Who is the character you think is the most loyal to Alexandra?
If a person ignores their own dreams and aspirations, some might say that they are disloyal to
themselves. Do you think Alexandra is loyal or disloyal to herself?
In what ways does she show loyalty to her family?
Class and Duty
In many fairytales, characters are bound by class structure and the expectations family and
society place on them. The expectations placed on Alexandra are because she is royalty and
she is expected to marry someone of her status and produce an heir to the throne.
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If Prince Dylan revealed his true colors earlier in the story, do you think the king and queen
would still have expected Alexandra to marry him? Why or why not?
If Alexandra showed interest in one of the junior guards, rather than the Master of the Guards,
do you think her family would have been as accepting of her interest in him?
Do you think the queen would approve of the Fairy God Sister? Why or why not?
If Alexandra hadn’t gone on her adventure to save Prince Dylan, what opportunities, what
discoveries, and what friendships would she have missed out on?
Activities
Status
The group moves through the rehearsal space as though they each consider themselves the
most important person in the space (high status). They can make eye contact, but must not
speak to each other or physically interact with another person. They can stand, sit or walk.
Give a signal which will change the group to low status. Performers now stand, sit, or walk as
though they are the lowliest, least important person in the space. Again, only allow eye contact
as a communication tool.
Divide the group in half, and assign each half with either low or high status. They interact a
third time, without speaking or touching. On a signal, they can add non-violent physical contact
and speaking to their interactions.
At the conclusion of several (simultaneous) interactions each, discuss how each status is
portrayed.
Points to consider:
Posture – tall and proud with shoulders back and chin up OR slumped and closed off
with head down?
Use of space – commanding the space, confident others will move out of the way OR
conscious of not being in the way, scurrying away?
Vocal choices – strong, loud or commanding voice OR whispered, weak, reedy,
apologetic voice?
Eye contact – making eye contact with equals and looking away from lesser people OR
keeping head bowed and avoiding eye contact with anyone?
Expression – confident, happy / mean, annoyed OR sad, suspicious, scared or
resentful?
Follow up for whole cast
Well into the rehearsal process, line up the whole cast across the performance space and ask
them to rearrange themselves to represent highest status to lowest status. There may be some
discussions (the whole group can participate) and some side coaching may be needed. Include
the Narrator and the Child after the fairytale characters have decided how they rank.
Satire
The play satirizes typical characters and plot points from traditional fairytales. If you are
working with a more mature cast, spend some rehearsal time exploring how satire can be
(further) incorporated into performances.
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Activity: Soaps
The cast creates groups of 3 or 4. Allow time to prepare a soap opera-style scene of 3 to 4
minutes duration to be performed for the rest of the group. They can opt to use characters in
the play, but are not limited to the characters that they are playing.
Focus points:
melodramatic acting
spectacular plot-points
intense eye contact OR obvious avoiding of eye contact
dramatic pauses
For advanced performers: exposition lines (example: You be quiet. I haven’t trusted you since
you were abducted by aliens and then came back to earth as my mother’s brother’s dead dog’s
breeder!)
Post-perform ance discussion:
Are there opportunities to further highlight the satire in this play with some of these
performance techniques? If so, let’s identify them and work through those scenes/moments
with this new performance aspect in mind.
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