Family and Friends of Colleen E. Ritzer
Victim Impact Statements
All Remarks as Prepared for Delivery – Subject to Change
Thank you for the opportunity to speak for my family today on behalf of my niece Colleen. But I have
found it impossible to summarize all the ways Colleen’s horrific death has affected my entire family and
how one person has changed so many lives forever. This isn’t something that words can capture in a paper
or even be summarized in a book because it is a lifelong change with new pain and heartbreak surfacing
every day. The most I can do today is tell you about how we’ve had to live over the past 28 months since
Colleen’s death and the pain and loss that is our new reality.
We have a large and extremely close extended family and not a day goes by that we all don't miss our
niece and cousin Colleen. Family was everything to her and now our family gatherings can never be the
same. She loved to be involved in party planning and couldn’t wait for everyone to get together, no matter
what the reason. When one of us was having a bad day or had something to celebrate, she was always
the first one to cheer us up or congratulate us in her own special way. She always knew exactly what to
say and had a knack for choosing the perfect gift for every occasion. She was always thinking of others
first and went out of her way to make sure we all felt special.
Now, When Tom, Peg, Dan and Laura come to Vermont to visit us, I wait for Colleen to walk through the
door with them. In my head I imagine she’s outside at the car still, gathering her Vera Bradley duffle and
her pillow. But she never comes in. I look for her flip flops by the door next to Peggie and Laura’s. But
they never appear. Colleen and my husband, her Uncle John, share the same birthday. He can’t celebrate
that day anymore because it’s a painful reminder that Colleen will never have the opportunity to celebrate
another year of her life.
There is no escape from the daily reminders of her absence, and our kids, Colleen’s cousins, have to learn
how to handle this too. The cousins grew up spending countless weekends, holidays and summer
vacations together. They shared many things over the years from clothes and toys to friendship and
memories. But that has all ended. Now, where there used to be laughter, her cousins are plagued with
silent moments when they get together because it’s too hard to talk about what happened to Colleen
even though it’s always present for them. Colleen and her older cousin Sam both shared a love for
teaching. In fact Sam was teaching in her classroom when she received the devastating news about
Colleen. After that Sam struggled when she returned to school knowing that Colleen would never get to
see her classroom again and the dream they once shared together was gone.
Colleen and my daughter Jackie were very close and loved getting together. Even though Colleen was
only 2 years older, she affectionately called her cousin “Baby Jackie” from the first time they met. Jackie
misses the traditions they had created over the years like conversations about what to wear at Easter or
taking that special picture of herself and Colleen, with Dan in the middle at every family event. But now
Jackie lives with fear and doubt along with her pain. She no longer feels safe at her college, job, or
anywhere for that matter. She constantly has her guard up and no longer trusts people. Jackie will turn
25 in a few months but she is dreading this birthday because it will mean she has officially outlived her
older cousin and friend.
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The youngest school age cousins in our family are dealing with something no child their age can, nor
should be asked to, understand. Somehow, they have to comprehend that they will never see Colleen
again, without knowing why. How can we explain it to them when we don’t have any answers
ourselves? There is no way to protect them from the gruesomeness of what happened to Colleen knowing
the infinite expanse of the internet and the relentless, unscrupulous demands of media coverage. They
aren’t allowed to watch something like this on TV or in movies but instead are actually forced to
experience it in real life. Talking with our kids about what happened to Colleen is difficult because we
don’t want them to be afraid of going to school everyday or to be afraid of their world. Though in fact, it
is now a very terrifying place for all of us.
We lost Colleen on October 22, 2013, but the loss continues to increase with each passing day. Our whole
family has had to watch a part of Tom, Peggie, Dan and Laura wither away since that day and throughout
this agonizing court process. They all have lost a part of themselves that they will never get back.
Dan and Laura are bravely trying to maneuver through this new life they’ve been forced to live without
their big sister, while having to watch their parents suffer a pain bigger than all of them. The suffering
and pain Tom and Peg are going through is something we will never fully understand. We are able to go
back to our homes with ALL of our children, something they will never get to do again. They know that
every milestone or family event since that day and from now on will be incomplete and imperfect without
Colleen’s smile, love and excitement.
Not only do they suffer the loss of their oldest daughter and sister in the prime of her life, but will always
be reminded, every single day, of the horrific, inhuman and evil manner in which she was taken. Coming
to this courtroom for so long, and with so many delays, watching the person who did this to Colleen have
no remorse or affect in the slightest, is simply more than any family should have to endure. There has
been no rational explanation or reason for this crime. There is only pain, loss, evil, and heartache,
forever. Their world has been completely crushed in a matter of minutes by someone who shows no
regret for his actions.
We all know there is so much more that we have yet to endure from this. Of course we move through
each day now in honor of Colleen trying to find the good and to live the way she would be living if she
were still here. But she no longer has that opportunity. All her rights were taken from her, without choice,
in an instant. She paid the ultimate price for no reason. However, her murderer did make a choice that
day. He clearly chose to hurt Colleen beyond any human imagination. He also chose to hurt all of us who
love her and now have to live without her. He chose evil that day, and the consequences that go with
it. This is why we ask you to impose the maximum sentence allowed on this criminal. We have a
responsibility to prevent this from happening again and we owe that much to Colleen who suffered at his
hand for no reason and will never get another chance at her life. This won’t be over in 15 or 25 years for
Colleen or any of us. We have all been sentenced to a lifetime of pain, heartache and loss. This criminal
deserves the same.
Thank you.
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First of all, I want to thank you for allowing me to speak today on behalf of our family. When my aunt
asked if I would want to speak, I of course said yes. The impact that this has had on our family, our friends,
and even the community is just unbelievable. So I sit here today and try to put into words how we feel,
how I feel. I am sure you realize that this is an impossible task. So I will start with how Colleen’s life
impacted our lives.
Colleen was always a happy little girl and grew into such a happy person. She was a joy to be around and
had that beautiful contagious smile that lit up the room. She simply made our lives happier. We all loved
being around her. I loved spending time with Colleen. I was actually her babysitter when she was little.
What started just as babysitting my cousin, eventually turned into more than just that, we became good
friends. Colleen loved spending time with her family and friends, whether it was at a family gathering,
trips to Disney, or cruising with friends. She was “the” party planner. Of course, there was so much more
to Colleen.
Colleen grew up to be an amazing, talented, and caring woman. We could always feel her positive energy
when we were around her. She had a lasting impact on everyone that knew and loved her. What better
way to impact the lives of others than to teach? She knew she wanted to be a teacher from a very young
age thanks to her life long mentor and friend Miss Laura. She followed her dreams and what an
extraordinary teacher she became! In the aftermath of this tragedy, we have seen how much she has
meant to her students and how respected she was by her peers. It truly makes me proud to have known
such a wonderful person.
When we lost Colleen that day in October, we were all devastated. I remember exactly where I was when
I got the phone call from my mother. I was in utter shock and disbelief. No way could this happen to
Colleen. Who could do this? What kind of evil exists for this life to be taken from us? How could
something like this happen? Why? When I found out it was a student of hers that did this, I was horrified
and angry. It was like he took a piece of our hearts and souls. I felt like my heart was ripped out of my
chest, not only for myself, but even more so for Peg, Tom, Dan, and Laura. The fact that they have to
suffer the loss of their daughter and sister is cruel.
Not only did we all lose Colleen that day, we in a sense, lost part of Peg, Tom, Dan, and Laura. Life will
never be the same for them. They will never be able to experience things the same again. The rest of us
can grieve, but we get to go home to our families and attempt to live our “normal” lives. I know I am not
the only one that still struggles with the fact that Colleen is gone. I can only imagine how much of a
constant struggle it is for them despite the brave face that they put on every day. Peg’s strength through
all of this is just amazing. It is difficult to know that there really isn’t anything we can do to ease their
struggle except to just be there for them. Living so far from here tears me apart, but knowing that we
have such a large extended family makes me somewhat at ease that they have a remarkable support
system.
In speaking with some of our family members, I know there is an overall sense of worry about things. I
have to admit that even I tend to be a little more apprehensive about even the basic day-to-day activities.
It is hard to trust in anything whole-heartedly.
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The last time I saw Colleen, she was visiting me in Florida in August 2013. I have so many fond memories
of the Ritzer family visiting us. I remember this visit so vividly because she loved spending time with my
daughter Riley. Everyone says how much my daughter looks like Colleen. My mother even says how much
my daughter Riley reminds her of Colleen. She even has her smile. What hurts the most for me personally
is that Colleen will never know my children. I wish I could turn back time and see her again. I miss her so
much.
Moving forward, we as a family will do our best to follow in Colleen’s words. Find good in everyday and
be good to people. Honoring Colleen’s legacy is something that must be done now and always. The hope
is that one day one of her students or scholarship recipients will make a change in this world and Colleen
had a part in that. We will think of her every day and know that in heaven she is teaching math to all of
those children and her love for it.
We owe Colleen justice. She did not have a choice, he did. There will be a lifetime of heartache for our
family. Please consider that in your decision. Thank you.
I met Colleen in kindergarten. In elementary school we had the good fortune of being in the same class
every year except 4th grade. What started out as an elementary school friendship evolved into a real world
friendship. Not everyone can say that their kindergarten best friend became their forever best friend and
for that I feel lucky. When Colleen was taken from us I had been friends with her for 19 years, practically
her whole life. We were even planning a special vacation for the following summer to mark our 20 year
“friendiversary”, a term we had proudly created ourselves.
Being Colleen’s friend always made me feel special. She was the type of person that others would want
to be around because of her positivity and caring nature. During my busy seasons as a tax professional
getting through the long days were always made easier whenever Colleen would send me a text with
words of encouragement. Colleen was the type of girl who liked to find quotes or song lyrics to share with
her family, friends and students on social media. Her ability to always know the right thing to say in any
situation still amazes me.
Colleen was one of the most empathetic people I have ever met. Colleen was so in tune with the feelings
of those around her and genuinely cared about the people in her life. Colleen would always be there to
support her friends and family in any situation. When a friend was struggling in school and unsure about
the likelihood of finishing her degree, it was Colleen who was her constant source of support and
encouragement. Colleen was a cheerleader when you needed a boost, a shoulder to cry on when you
were feeling weak and a hand to pull you back up on your feet.
Every day since losing Colleen has been a struggle to find good. When I tried to remember the last day I
truly was happy from morning to night one day in particular came to mind, October 19, 2013. That was
the last day I would have the chance to see my best friend. They say you will never know the true value
of a moment until it becomes a memory. I never realized how accurate this was until I lost Colleen. At the
time it felt like just another day but now it is full of memories that I will always treasure. We had one of
our girls’ nights in my parents’ basement which always involved pizza, cheesy bread, Flipz pretzels (the
milk chocolate ones), and Twizzlers. Not just regular Twizzlers but always the pull n’ peel ones. That night
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Colleen also convinced us to buy a six pack of a peach beverage that no one else liked. The 3 of us each
took 2. My second one still sits in that basement mini fridge.
I think the true sign of friendship is that the only thing you need to get it to work is each other. Colleen
and I would often just hang out in my basement or drive around in her car with no destination in mind. I
don’t miss doing things with Colleen nearly as much as I miss doing nothing with her and just being in her
presence.
I often find myself wondering what Colleen’s life would have been like had she not been so cruelly taken
from us. Colleen was only 24 and had so much to look forward to. She had so many destinations she will
never be able to visit. She will never experience Christmas in New York or visit the “Full House” house in
San Francisco. Colleen will never be able to fall in love, get married and start a family of her own. Colleen’s
dreams were so simple and never selfish. All she really wanted in life was to love and be loved. She will
always be loved.
When you lose someone you love you also lose a part of yourself. Since losing Colleen I have struggled
with depression and anxiety that is hard to explain to others. Normal everyday things now carry a sense
of hyper awareness and anxiety. Meeting new people comes with the challenge of trying to figure out
when to let my heightened guard down and whether I should bring up Colleen at all. There is a piece of
myself that I am afraid to share with others. One of the best parts of me has now become associated with
something unspeakable. I worry that those who knew me before my world fell apart will one day have
had enough of listening to me talk about Colleen and seeing me cry and will want nothing to do with me.
Even on good days I find myself feeling guilty to be happy. I still find myself reaching for my phone to text
Colleen an anecdote from my day only to realize she will never respond. So many days I have just wanted
to hear one word from Colleen or her laugh to feel like she is still here and that the world makes sense.
Colleen was irreplaceable and I miss my best friend every day.
The world is a much darker place without Colleen in it.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to speak about the devastating loss of Colleen Ritzer. I find it
extremely difficult to describe how my life has been impacted since Colleen died because every aspect of
my life, and the lives of those closest to me every day, has been touched. Colleen was a gifted teacher,
colleague and friend.
As a fellow math teacher at Danvers High School, I was able to see the spirit, knowledge, dedication and
kindness she brought to school with her every day. Her mastery of math and her ability to communicate
it to her students was a true talent. She spent countless hours each week making her lesson meaningful,
something that her students recognized and respected her for. Colleen cared deeply for her students and
after school I would often find students in her room, some looking for help with math, and others looking
for advice on life.
After Colleen died, students in her classes that year missed the opportunity to learn from an amazing
teacher, as well as students in future years to come. Students who frequented her classroom after school
were deprived of a connection with an adult they trusted and admired. As a result of the tragedy, students
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were lost, seeking connections to help cope with their feelings and daily struggles. They were forced to
process a horrific event that no child should even imagine. Some of these students are now in college and
continue to cope with the loss of Colleen. Their world is knocked off kilter every time something about
her death appears in the news, but now they are alone in an environment where people don’t understand
what they went through at Danvers High. I still receive emails on October 22 each year from students I
taught in the past just checking in, missing the connection with someone who understands the struggles
and feelings they are dealing with.
Colleen had a gift when it came to communication and people skills. As part of the math department and
Danvers High faculty, she was always the even keeled voice of reason in meetings. She was able to voice
her own views and help negotiate compromises while keeping others calm. We greatly miss this every
day. Colleen was always willing to create curriculum with others and share ideas. She and I used to spend
each common free block together reflecting on our classes- what went well, what we could work on,
activities to incorporate, or lessons and assessments to revamp. We would check in after school to see
how the day went. She always remembered to ask how something went if I had something big happening
in a class, or a difficulty I was trying to navigate throughout the day. She was so thoughtful. After Colleen
died, I was lost during the school day. I couldn’t be alone in my classroom. I couldn’t even walk past
Colleen’s classroom because it hurt too much to see someone else teaching in there. I lost my sounding
board. She had unwavering faith in whatever I was trying to do in my classroom. During the day and after
school I would think I heard her talking or laughing down the hallway and my heart broke again each time.
Not only was Colleen my colleague, but also she was my friend. She was caring and compassionate beyond
her years. She was the friend that I turned to first when something exciting or upsetting happened. She
listened intently, shared experiences, offered sympathy and gave sound advice with problems. No matter
what, she was always able to look at the bright side of things, to find the good in every day, and the good
in every person. She had a love for life and a real soft spot for babies. I wish she could have met my son.
There are so many memories I wish we could have had, but instead I can only imagine. In our last
conversation, she offered to give me a ride home knowing I was in the process of getting a new car. That
was Colleen, always offering to help. Always thinking of others. Selfless. I was robbed of a friendship I
treasured.
The high school community shared an awful trauma together. Our sense of safety was violated in such a
horrific manner. Not only were students and teachers grieving the loss of a wonderful teacher and
colleague, but also we had to process the fact that it happened at our school—the place where we were
supposed to feel safe each day. The details of Colleen’s death touched on every part of our school day.
Teachers were constantly on edge, watching out for students struggling with their emotions. Many
teachers stopped using student bathrooms, even teachers in other districts. Students at DHS stopped
using the bathroom where Colleen was killed. Teachers panicked when they couldn’t find another teacher
in the building after school hours. Teachers in Danvers, and even teachers as far away as Western Mass,
took self-defense classes. Students stopped collecting recycling in barrels during the school day. Teachers
became more cautious and more attuned to students reactions to situations. We jumped every time we
walked around a corner and someone was there. We couldn’t handle watching people put on gloves or
students wearing hoods. We couldn’t walk into elevators without our hearts racing. We questioned why
students were in our classrooms after school. We were afraid to stay in the school building after the last
bell of the day. We had a heightened sense of our surroundings when someone was walking behind us or
we were walking outside after dark. Speaking personally, I still continue to have a concern for my safety
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that I never had before. I am a witness in the trial—a young, petite, female teacher. I continue to cope
every day.
I miss Colleen’s kindness and her dedication to her students and teaching. I miss her steady support at
school—her positive outlook, advice, sympathy and compassion. I miss her friendship. I miss Colleen.
Thank you.
Good Morning your Honor. I want to first thank you for letting us, those who love Colleen, have a chance
to be heard. Sitting in this courtroom listening to the grueling details during the trial and remaining silent
was incredibly difficult. Colleen Ritzer first came into my life when she was only 15 months old. I was a
fresh out of college preschool teacher and Colleen was the first toddler enrolled in my new room. She had
a smile that lit up a room and I fell in love with her instantly. Even at such a young age she had an incredible
love of life and a compassionate heart that resonated in everything she did. She flew in the toddler room
every morning dragging her mint green blanket, ready to take on her little world with unwavering
enthusiasm. She was empathetic to others, the first to come over if another child was crying and give hugs
to make someone feel better. She possessed so much joy that it was contagious. In the quieter times
during the day, Colleen would always be found snuggled in my lap. We became “Miss Laura and Colleen”,
inseparable. I am blessed beyond belief that Peggie and Tom entrusted me with their baby girl. I loved
her like my own, so much so that when I left my family in Georgia (my home now) to be here for the
lengthy trial, my 16 year old son said, “Don’t worry Mom, I know Colleen was your baby before I ever
came along. I’ll be fine here, go do this for Colleen.”
We had such a strong bond that the Ritzers have always included me as part of their family and I’m deeply
humbled to have their 3rd child named after me. I had the privilege of being Colleen’s preschool teacher
for 3 years before she went off to kindergarten and I left teaching to enter the State Police Academy.
Throughout the academy, Colleen’s Mom would mail pictures she drew for me and notes written in her
best preschool penmanship. “I miss you Miss Laura”…Throughout the years we maintained our bond and
friendship and she was ecstatic to be the flower girl in my wedding when she was 8 years old. Several
years in a row we made gingerbread houses together at Christmas time and she couldn’t wait for my son
to be born so she could babysit him.
She simply loved taking care of others, that’s just who Colleen was. I can still hear her hopeful little voice
saying, “Miss Laura, I want to be a teacher just like you.” One of the proudest things I’ve done in my life
was being Colleen’s friend and mentor. I was able to be there for some big moments in her life, grade
school plays, graduating from Andover High School and then Assumption College, seeing her become the
teacher she dreamed of being for so long. I was so looking forward to all the big moments that were
ahead of her….finishing her Master’s degree, getting married, becoming a mom……these moments will
never happen. They’ll never happen, because of the events that occurred on October 22, 2013.
It wasn’t just the big accomplishments that made Colleen Ritzer so special, it was all the little things. She
was one of those rare people that was so full of love for others, appreciation of those around her, and had
such a positive outlook about everything, that you couldn’t help but be drawn to her. In her short 24
years she embodied all that one could hope to become in their lifetime. She radiated Hope….
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I could go on and on about the loss felt without Colleen in my life, but you will hear next from her family,
who are far more deserving to tell of the personal loss they have to endure day after day without Colleen.
So if I may tell you, tell this courtroom, what the world has really lost…
All too often we see people immortalized after they have died, put on a pedestal with embellished
characteristics and forgotten flaws. But I can tell you everything you have heard about Colleen’s love of
life and pure kindness is genuine and truly who she was. Her scholarship foundation website describes
her as “Perpetual Happiness” and there couldn’t be a truer description of Colleen Ritzer.
This past October 22nd, a movement was initiated to perform Random Acts of Kindness in honor of Colleen.
In only one day, well over 300 acts of kindness were carried out, this speaks volumes of who she was. This
didn’t just happen here in this community, “Kindness for Colleen” hashtags were posted on social media
from as far away as Florida, Texas, New Mexico and just last month I spent a week serving at a children’s
refuge in El Salvador, all of this done in Colleen’s name, inspired by her loving heart.
Colleen Ritzer touched lives, she filled hearts, she believed in the good in people, no matter what. She
loved her students even tweeting them after the marathon bombing, “I’m here for you if you need
anything #BostonStrong”. She truly was making a difference right up until the moment she was brutally
taken from us. She was offering students afterschool help and guidance if they needed it. She was devoted
to her students and he took this gracious gift and turned it into a heinous crime. Colleen deserved the
best the world had to offer, and in her final moments she got the worst. She didn’t deserve this horrible
ending to her life.
The loss of Colleen breaks my heart but not just for myself, it breaks for the ones who will never get to
have Miss Ritzer as their beloved teacher, it breaks for the family she would have had one day, it breaks
for Dan and Laura that their future children will never be loved and spoiled by their Aunt Colleen, and it
breaks for Tom and Peggie for they are carrying with them a pain that no parent is ever meant to carry.
My heart breaks for us, for all of us. We lost a ray of Hope the day Colleen was taken from us. This broken
world we live in needed Colleen, the positive twitter messages that would pop up during the daily grind…
“Find Good in Everyday”, “Yay Math”, “Love those around you” and “No Matter what happens in life, be
good to people.”
Yes, our world undoubtedly needed Colleen Ritzer.
I believe Colleen’s influence in such a short period of time teaching was only the tip of the iceberg. She
was going to make this world a far better place, she was going to move mountains.
Now There are no more bright smiles, no more “Yay Math’s”, no more random “Hi Miss Laura” messages,
“How’s Sean” nothing…nothing now other than precious memories.
I mentioned earlier I left teaching to join the ranks of the State Police. During my career, I spent 14 years
in the crime scene services section. For those 14 years I saw firsthand dozens upon dozens of cases of
violence. I’ve seen hundreds of dead bodies, people that were strangled, stabbed, shot, beaten and raped.
I attended more autopsies then I care to think about, so I am no stranger to tragedy or cruelty, but this
has rocked me to the core. To hear the testimony of the medical examiner describe the severity of
Colleen’s injuries was enough to make me physically sick. What he did to Colleen goes far beyond the
realm of violence. His actions and the pain he inflicted on her was nothing short of savagery and pure evil.
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With all due respect your Honor, if I may ask while you consider sentencing, to remember not only the
incredibly painful personal losses heard here today, but I also want to say, I watched the police officers
testify in this case, I’ve heard the mostly unshaken voice of the prosecutors, and I saw the faces of your
jury when they were asked to view the evidence, especially those photos. Those images have no doubt
left an indelible memory they will never forget. All of these good, decent, innocent people have been
subjected to a life sentence as well. They’ve shared our heartache and they too have been forever changed
because of the things he did to Colleen Ritzer.
When the guilty verdict came in, many spoke of Justice being served and the family having closure. The
truth is as much as I respect our judicial process, the loss of Colleen has left such a gaping wound that
there will never be Justice or closure. That is just not possible on this side of Heaven.
We all know why the media is here today, to write about our heartache, to photograph our tears, to
sensationalize our pain. I don’t understand that, but I can respect it. And come Monday, this courtroom
will hear its next case, and the media will move on to the next headline, people will go about their business
and the world will move on. Colleen Ritzer will become a distant memory. But to those who know and
love her, we will carry on her legacy of being good to people and finding good in every day, every single
day, but we will also be forever broken. We will miss her shining light, her beautiful smile and her loving
heart for the rest of our lives.
When you lose someone as close to you as your sister, you don’t know how you’re suppose to go on with
your life. You go from having the time of your life to living your worst nightmare. Through this nightmare,
I’ve had to tell the world who my sister, Colleen Ritzer, really is, aside from everything said on TV or in the
newspapers. If I was asked who is Colleen Ritzer and what is she like, I would say she is the person who
puts everyone before herself. She lived her life with a happy and positive attitude never letting the
negative things get in the way of her life goals. She was the type of person who could light up a room the
second she walked in and could put a smile on anyone’s face. She was the person who had so much pride
and passion for everything she did and reached for. She was the type of teacher who didn’t just teach her
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students math and academics, she taught her students how to succeed and find their way in the world.
She inspired many students to pursue a career in education hoping they would be the people making a
difference in the world someday. She would greet and smile at anyone and everyone she passed in the
hallway or saw in her classroom at school. She would be her proudest when her students found a way to
succeed even at the hardest things in their life. Colleen went to school everyday as a teacher who was
there to teach them skills they could forever use in their life and to teach them how to never give up on
themselves. Whether she was your sister, daughter, family, friend or teacher she was someone you could
count on for anything. She gave me hope when I didn’t believe in myself, and she gave me faith that no
matter what everything was going to work out in the end. One thing she never failed to do was focus on
the little things, and anytime anyone she knew was struggling she would remind them of the little things
in life that you could look forward to and put the negativity behind.
Over the past two years I would have given anything to have Colleen at all the milestones we have passed.
No matter the milestone, Colleen would always be the most excited, even more excited than the person
who’s was actually celebrating the milestone. Colleen never got to celebrate my 18 th birthday, see me
walk across the stage at graduation and receive my diploma, move me into my freshman year dorm at the
college she had recently graduated from and so much more. Instead of having my sister in the stands at
all my hockey games, I had to play in a charity game in pink jerseys receiving flowers prior to the game in
my sister’s honor. In my entire life, the only games I’ve ever been afraid to play were the championship
games that had our season on the line, but in January of 2014 I’d never been so scared to step out on the
ice. If you asked anyone, they would say there was no pressure on me and no one had any expectations
about me, but in my head everything was different. My team and I were playing on behalf of the most
loved teacher in Danvers, Massachusetts. We all, my team and the Danvers team, skated with the name
“Ritzer” on our backs, it didn’t matter to anyone in the arena that night who won the game, all that
mattered was that two communities were coming together in the time of tragedy. We should not have
been coming together that night to honor Colleen, we should have been playing that game like any other
game where she was in the stands cheering us on. The only difference at this game should have been that
she didn’t know who to cheer for because she would have had too much heart not to cheer for her
students. Colleen and I spent all of our free time together from going on Target trips to get new
decorations and supplies for her classroom or just getting in the car and driving to anywhere just to make
an adventure out of the day. In the summer of 2013, Colleen asked me to go to Danvers High with her and
help set up her classroom. She was so excited to set up her new classroom, as it was the first time she
would have her own room at Danvers High. This was the classroom she would come home from everyday
and tell our entire family all the stories she had from that day, whether about her students or just
something she did. Everyday was a new and different story, they were the good stories, the bad stories
and even some funny stories, but no matter what Colleen took pride in telling us what happened while
teaching that day. Colleen cherished and appreciated everything that happened in her life, I truly am trying
to follow her footsteps in this way.
As a 17 year old high school senior, I was forced into hearing the words the police offices said to us late
that night. I will never forget what happened that night, the drive to the high school, being sent to the
police station to file the missing persons report. We sat there for countless hours not being told anything,
but it was obvious, they knew what was going on and just couldn’t tell us yet. I’ll never forget sitting in
that police station forcing myself to think everything was going to be fine and that Colleen was going to
10
come home with us. I will not forget not being able to turn the TV on for weeks after because Colleen’s
face was plastered over every channel. I was protected by all those around me from the news reporters
and the things being said, but in all reality no one could protect me from what was happening, as we had
become one of those horrific news stories that everyone sees and hears about.
After everything happened, I was forced to find a new way in life. I had to go back to school nearly a week
later, I had to get the nerve to attempt to go back to my normal routine, and I had to come to terms with
the fact that my life was never going to be they same. I knew my life was never going to be the same, but
in my heart I wasn’t going to accept what happened. I lived my life hoping that this was just all a bad
dream that I was going to wake up from someday. I sat in my house every afternoon hoping Colleen would
walk through the door and come home from school. I wished I could go back in time and protect my sister.
In the weeks following, I found I was never going to be the same person again, without Colleen, we weren’t
the Ritzer trio or the three Ritzer kids anymore. I had to find ways to answer the question about how many
siblings I had without telling every person I ever met what had happened to my family. I found myself
making up excuses and lying to avoid the hard questions I didn’t want to answer. Eventually, I had to tell
myself that this was my life now and Colleen not being there meant I would dedicate and honor Colleen
in everything I did. To this day, I work as hard as I can to ensure that she’s looking down on me proud of
what I’ve done. I’ve made a pledge to myself that I will never let Colleen’s name or legacy die and it will
forever be a part of the Andover and Danvers communities. My entire life, Colleen, my big sister, has
always been the person I look up to, my mentor, my idol and my inspiration.
As I stand here today, there is one thing that must be said, he picked the wrong family to mess with and
we will never stop fighting. Colleen may not be physically here with us anymore, but we will forever and
always be her voice and believe me when I say this, we will never let her down. We live our lives for her
now and that will never change. She will always have a special place in my heart and no matter what my
family will have to attend in the future, we will be here, fighting until we get what we want. The Ritzer
family will always be Ritz-5 and you can try to tear us down as much as you want, but we will find a way
to bounce back and we will not let this stop us. I hate the fact that someday I will be married with a family
and I’m going to have to explain to my kids why I have to go to parole hearings and why their Aunt Colleen
isn’t able to be a part of their lives. Nothing is worse than watching your own family struggle through the
hardships of life, but like I said I will not give up and I will not let this define us. Do I hope the maximum
sentence possible is given? Of course. Do I hope my brother and I don’t have to attend parole hearings
for many, many years? Absolutely. One thing I really hope though, is that no family ever has to go through
something as grueling and difficult as this. I hope you’ve seen the toll this has taken on my family and that
you know we would do anything to have Colleen back and not be in this courtroom right now. What do I
want to be doing right now? I want to be able to call my sister and tell her about all the things happening
in my life. I want to be able to celebrate the small victories in life, but instead, I’m standing here reading
my victim impact statement to you about how the loss of my sister has impacted me. I’ve stood here today
in the hope that justice for Colleen will be served by having the longest possible sentence allowed. I know
that it’s impossible for what we want to be allowed, but all I want is my family to be at peace even if only
for a short while. Things will never be the same with my family and we will never accept that, but we will
accept the small victories in hope of making Colleen proud. Even two years later, I have not and I will
never accept what has happened to my family, and I will always let my sister be my drive in life knowing
she never gave up and found ways out of the toughest situations.
11
My name is Daniel Ritzer and Colleen was not only my big sister, but she was my mentor, role model, and
most importantly, she was my friend. She inspired me to do more with my life, whether it be school and
grades, or simply being kind and genuine to the people around me. She helped me whenever I needed it,
and she put me in my place when I deserved it. She was the greatest sister a kid could ask for.
Now, I stand up here today and attempt to put into words what my life has been like these past 2 years
without her.
Before this all happened I was your average run of the mill kid. I lived in a nice town, went to a public high
school and a respected university, had a lot of friends, but most importantly, I was happy. I could wake up
in the morning and look forward to the day ahead. I could drive to school or work, focus on the task at
hand, and come home and be proud of what I had accomplished that day. I would love to talk about
anything and everything regardless of how small. I would look forward to sitting down with my family for
dinner, hearing about their days and joking around before finishing up and heading to our respective
couches for the night. Maybe even watch some TV and talk with some friends, then I’d lay down at night
and be able to fall right asleep, ready for the next day to come.
That was before…before a coward decided to take not only one special life that day, but 5.
I now find myself fighting every second of every day. I wake up in the morning sad, sad that the
peacefulness of sleep is now over. I wake up every morning with the same thoughts on my mind. I wish I
could go back. What could I have done differently? Why couldn’t have it been me?
I fight to get out of my bed in the morning dreading the countless obstacles that I know I’ll face throughout
the day. I sit down to drive and within minutes my mind is flooded with painful thoughts. I struggle to
focus on even the most mundane tasks. I no longer like to talk about my day. I dread walking through the
door of my house and feeling that empty presence again. I isolate myself trying to control my thoughts
and the anger inside my head. When I lay down for bed I am no longer able to simply doze off to sleep.
The battle I fight all throughout the day is instantly multiplied the second I stop and close my eyes. I run
scenario after scenario in my head of what I could have done, or what can I do now to make this right. I
battle with the fact that this is now my reality. Nights often leave me awake for hours before my body
finally succumbs and I fall asleep, only to wake up an hour later to repeat the process.
There are no words to describe these feelings I encounter on a daily basis but I will say this. You do not
know pain until you are forced to watch someone you love be lowered into the ground. You do not know
pain until you are forced to endure the sights of every person in your family collapse to the floor in tears.
You do not know pain until you are forced to watch and listen to every gruesome detail in a public
courtroom for months on end.
The positive emotions that used to surround me no longer exist. My life now is simply long stretches of
overwhelming sadness, pain, and anger, only to be broken up by small periods of distraction. Distractions
that allow me to forget everything that is going on for just a brief moment, all before abruptly being
brought back to reality.
12
No person or family should ever have to endure what we have endured. No parent should ever have to
bury their child, and no sibling should ever have to say goodbye to the person they thought would always
be there for them.
With that being said, I do not ask for your sympathy or your sorrow but only to do what is right. Put this
animal behind bars for the maximum possible sentence, and I beg of you your honor, do not give this
coward the opportunity to shatter another family’s lives.
Two years ago, my daughter Colleen’s life was viciously and horrifically taken from her. She was brutally
raped, robbed and murdered in what she believed to be the safety of her own school. You are here today,
to determine the sentence for her killer for these three distinct and separate crimes. In order for you to
do this, you must fully understand who Colleen was and how her loss has devastated our family. It is next
to impossible to put into words the impact losing Colleen has had, especially in such a horrific way.
Hopefully I can give you a sense of what a special person Colleen was and how her death has crushed our
family.
Colleen was our first born, our baby girl, the oldest of three beautiful children. I’ll never forget the day
Colleen was born, it changed my life forever. I remember holding her, having no idea what to do, but also
knowing I was holding the most precious gift a father could ever have, his baby girl. Colleen truly was
daddy’s little girl. Colleen would later be joined by her younger brother Dan and little sister Laura. We
were a beautiful family, one I am certainly proud to be the father of.
Colleen was not only my daughter, she was my friend. We would talk about everything; family, work,
school, life, just about anything. We didn't always agree, but she always had good advice for me. I was
supposed to be teaching her, but she often taught me. She was wise beyond her years. Colleen always
wanted to be a teacher, even from a young age. She used to get upset with me because I would say you
might be able to make more money doing something else. But she didn't care; it was what she always
wanted to do. Colleen taught me that teaching was more than just about teaching a subject or money; it
was about helping people and affecting their lives. She always knew that and stuck to her goal to become
a teacher, and became a very good one. Colleen loved teaching math, and finding new ways to present
math in ways the kids could understand. Colleen was very organized and put an enormous amount of
effort into everything she did. She would work hours every day preparing for class; she absolutely loved
what she was doing. Colleen worked very hard to reach her goals and I’m very proud of everything she
achieved.
Colleen loved life. She was a very positive person, full of excitement and always had a smile on her face.
We have lots of pictures of Colleen, very few of them she is not smiling in. She would get excited over the
simplest things, things most of us take for granted. She truly appreciated the small things in life. She
loved her family more than anything. Dan and Laura were the world to Colleen, she watched out for them
and took care of them whether they wanted it or not. She loved spending time as a family. Whether it
was just us alone at home, or on vacation, or at any family get together. She loved being part of a big
family; her excitement for life was always there.
13
Colleen was living at home with us, but wanted to get her own place closer to work. She was excited to
move out and start her own life, and I was looking forward to helping her. I'm not sure why, but we always
tell our kids we love them. Every time they leave the house or go to bed, we say I love you. We've always
done this, since they were little up to today. Even though Colleen was 24 and ready to move out, we still
told her “I love you” everyday. I know Colleen knew she was loved by us; I have no doubt about that.
October 22, 2013, Colleen’s life was brutally taken and our world ended. The day started like every other
day. Colleen came to our bedroom door before she left for work to say I love you and good bye, just like
she did every day. It wasn't until that afternoon when she didn’t come home and Peggie hadn't heard
from her we started to get concerned. As the day went on and we still hadn’t heard from her, Peggie
asked me to stop by the school on my way home from work. I work in Beverly, less than a mile from the
high school, just on the other side of the airport. I went to the school after work, saw her car and parked
near it. I looked around her car, it was locked, everything seemed normal. I went in the school and asked
a student where Colleen's classroom was. She didn't know, but pointed me to the second floor where the
math classrooms were. I went to Colleen's classroom, room B209, “Ms Ritzer” was on the door. The door
was locked, but I looked in the window. It was the first time I had been in the high school or seen her
classroom; I was excited to tell Colleen I had seen her room when she got home. I walked through the
school and asked several people if they had seen Colleen, no one had. There was lots of activity and people
around. I was sure Colleen was there somewhere, I just didn’t know where to look. I thought for sure she
was either there or out with friends and had just forgotten to tell us, so I left the school. It was only during
the trial that I fully understood where I had been. I had walked the same hallways, stairways and used
the same doors that Colleen’s killer had used just hours before to take her life. It makes me sick to know
that. It makes me sick to know how close I was to Colleen that day and didn’t help her. It makes me sick
to know I drove by her in the woods and went home.
After we still hadn’t heard from Colleen, Peggie called Sarah and she didn’t know either, but did know a
student was missing. Peggie, Laura and I drove back to the school. A police car was now outside. We met
Sarah, the principal and superintendent and went to the school office; someone was looking at the
surveillance videos. They still didn’t know where Colleen was, but it was clear something was wrong.
About 11pm they told us to go to the Danvers police station and fill out a missing persons report. We
followed the superintendent there, and filled out the report. The police waiting room was small and had
4 chairs near a window. The officer told us they were trying to ping Colleen's phone to get her location.
For the first couple hours the officer would come out with updates, and then he stopped. Peggie, Laura
and I waited in those chairs for hours. A few people came and went. At some point in the night I heard a
helicopter in the distance. It was not moving, it was just staying in one place. I knew that was not good.
Then, someone came out of one of the back rooms and I overheard them say crime scene. I prayed
constantly that night. First I prayed they find Colleen and she be safe. But after I heard the helicopter
and words crime scene, my prayers changed to please don't let it be Colleen. There was a door bell button
in the waiting room to ring to get inside. At 4am, I was going to ring the bell, but was afraid to because I
didn't want to know. I was standing to ring the bell when two men came and got us. They brought us
into an office and told us Colleen was dead. She had been killed by the missing student. Our world ended
at that point. They left us alone in the office, we cried and cried. Peggie called Dan and told him. Around
5am, an officer drove us home. At home Peggie, Laura and I sat on the couch in shock, crying. Peggie’s
brother and wife came over and started calling everyone. The rest is a blur.
14
Two years later, I still can't believe this is true. How could something so terrible happen to Colleen,
someone so good. I know it is real, I know Colleen is gone, it is just unbelievable. I drive through Danvers
everyday on my way to work. I will never go near that high school or police station again. I hate door
bells. Any time I hear a helicopter, I'm right back in that police waiting room, that night. I'm not ready to
accept this, and don't know if I ever will. It is unacceptable. I will however move forward for Peggie, Dan
and Laura - Colleen would want that.
Colleen lost it all that day, for absolutely no reason. There has never been a rational reason or explanation
of why this was done. Colleen did nothing to deserve this. She only wanted to help people, and I know
that's all she was trying to do that day. Colleen will never get to have her own life, she will never meet
her husband, she will never have her own family or home. Colleen loved her family and friends so much;
she would have been so excited about having her own kids to raise and teach, and her own family to love
and watch grow. She would have been a great mom and wife. I will never get to walk Colleen down the
aisle at her wedding; I will never give her away at the altar or have that father, daughter dance at her
wedding. I so looked forward to doing that and watching her raise her own family and have her home. I
hate she will never have that.
This has devastated our family. Losing Colleen was the last thing we ever expected, especially in such a
horrific way. Our family had a simple life, but it was all we every wanted. We were happy. This crushed
our world. Dan will never get to have his big sister be a part of his life. Colleen would have been so excited
to see the great man he has become and would have loved being part of his life. Laura lost her only sister
and her best friend. Colleen and Laura loved each other so much, and did so many things together. Laura
will never have Colleen’s love and excitement in her life again. Peggie is absolutely crushed. She has lost
her baby girl, her daughter and her best friend. Colleen loved her mom so much. You could tell in
Colleen’s excitement to tell her mom everything, and Peggie loved hearing it all. And I lost my beautiful
little girl. Colleen was my daughter, my friend, someone I could go to for anything. A dad’s job protect
his family. I didn’t protect Colleen. A dad’s job is to fix things. I would do anything if I could fix this for
Colleen.
The past two years of court proceedings have been heart breaking, infuriating, exhausting and extremely
difficult – especially the trial itself over the last few months. The trial has taken its toll on Peggie and I
both physically and mentally, but we would not have done it any other way. Peggie and I have attended
every part of this legal process and will continue to for Colleen. Colleen’s life was brutally taken from her;
we will make sure her killer is punished. Learning and seeing each detail of what happened to Colleen is
unbearable, but nothing compared to what she went though. Watching Colleen on the school surveillance
video is very difficult. It was nice seeing Colleen talking to Sarah in the hallway, being happy, just being
her happy fun self. That was Colleen. The hardest to watch is Colleen leave her classroom, smile, wave
good-bye and go to the bathroom. You could tell she had no idea anything was wrong. She was not
scared, she was not concerned, she did not know anything was wrong. I just wanted to tell her on the
video to stop and go back. Don't go into the bathroom.
I can only imagine the confusion, shock, panic, terror and agony Colleen must have gone through. Colleen
only wanted to help people; she must have been so confused and scared. I pray Colleen did not suffer,
but know she did. She must have been terrified and endured terrible pain. I know Colleen fought hard
for her life, and it was horrifically and brutally taken from her. I know she never gave up. Colleen will
always have more courage than the coward that did this to her.
15
How anyone could do this to Colleen is unbelievable. The horrific acts done to Colleen are sickening. How
something so terrible could happen to Colleen, someone so good, is unreal. But it did. The attack
happened in the middle of the day, in a public school with no concern of being caught. To put Colleen in
a recycle bin as if she were trash and take her into the woods to further attack and violate her is evil. This
was a deliberate, planned attack that was carried out and followed up by smashing her phone and using
her credit cards. Her killer knew exactly what he was doing and has never shown remorse. I hate Colleen’s
killer and will never forgive him. He is evil, pure evil, and must be punished.
After we lost Colleen, we at least had the knowledge her killer would be punished. But on Christmas Eve
2013, even that was taken away when the Massachusetts Supreme Court removed automatic life without
parole sentences for juveniles. This was just another blow to a family that had already been crushed. I
understand automatic life without parole may not apply to all cases, but it does to some. This is one of
those cases. Removing a judge’s discretion to decide that is wrong. Colleen’s killer deserves the death
penalty. Since that is not an option, he deserves life in prison without parole. Since that is no longer an
option either, he must be sentenced to life with the maximum parole eligibility for each of the three crimes
– which must be served consecutively, not concurrently.
Your Honor, this was a deliberate, planned attack that was horrifically and brutally carried out. Colleen’s
killer knew exactly what he was doing. He has never shown remorse and has even attacked again with
frighteningly similar actions. Colleen’s life was brutally taken from her with no choice. She will never get
a second chance for her life, neither should her killer. I was not able to protect Colleen that day; but I will
make sure her killer is punished. You must imprison this killer for the rest of his life. He must never be
free to hurt anyone again.
Colleen deserves this, in honor and respect of her beautiful life.
Thank you
Colleen matters
Colleen’s life matters.
Colleen was not a victim, a body or the deceased as she has been described throughout this trial. She is
not the “slain” or “murdered” Danvers High School teacher as always portrayed in the media. Colleen was
a caring and loving young woman full of life and a “beloved” teacher.
We are here today because you have the profound responsibility of determining the sentence of Colleen’s
killer (whose name does not deserve to be spoken), not only for her murder but also for the rape and
armed robbery. Three very separate, deliberate crimes. Your decision is limited under the new so called
juvenile sentencing rules. Yours is a significant responsibility - first and foremost to Colleen, then to her
family and friends, the Danvers High School community and all those deeply affected by the loss of
Colleen. You also have the responsibility of setting a precedent for these new sentencing laws, though,
we hope that no family is forced to endure the agony we have endured since October 2013. Our family
appeals to you to set a precedent that sends a clear message to criminals and respects the memory of our
loved ones.
16
Today, following years of proceedings and the trial, we finally turn our focus to Colleen. As you consider
a sentence, I want to share with you:
 Who Colleen is
 What our lives, those of us who loved her, are and will continue to be without her.
 And a reminder of how much she suffered and the brutality of the attack.
Colleen is a person, a loving daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, cousin, friend and teacher. Colleen’s
life mattered to so many people. I want to share with you who Colleen is and will always be to me. Colleen
is my daughter - my first born child, the oldest of my three children. I wished for nothing more in life than
to be a mother and on Saturday May 13, 1989, the day before mother’s day, Colleen was born and made
me a mother. I always told her that she was the best mother’s day present that I ever received. Colleen
helped teach me how to be a mother.
Colleen was your typical oldest child in many ways. She lived by a routine and was an overachiever. She
was a happy and easy going little girl. She was kind, loving and motherly at an early age. Colleen loved
when she became a big cousin to her cousin “baby Jackie” who over the years was more like her sister. At
3 ½ she became a big sister to her brother Dan and several year later to her baby sister Laura. She loved
being a big sister more than anything else. Because I worked, Colleen spent many hours caring for Dan
and Laura over the years. Colleen helped make them into the strong and caring young adults they are
today. I see so much of Colleen in each of them.
Colleen was a good, kind and caring person. She was someone who stepped in and stepped up in times of
tragedy or sadness. She did not shy away from it, she wanted to help make people feel better. She wanted
to bring happiness to people during difficult times.
Colleen worked tirelessly. She strived academically to do well so that she could achieve her goal of
becoming a math teacher. She worked hard to get good grades, graduating from Andover High School in
2007 and magna cum laude from Assumption College in 2011. She quickly realized her dream of becoming
a teacher when she began teaching in fall 2011 at Hale Middle School in Stow. Colleen began teaching at
Danvers High School in fall 2012. Colleen carefully chose the schools to which she would apply; her own
safety a primary concern. She believed Danvers to be a safe place to teach and where she could share her
love of math. She was very happy teaching there.
Colleen was passionate about what she taught. She looked for creative ways to help her students
understand difficult concepts and to enjoy math. She made her students want to learn. In her first year at
Danvers High, Colleen did not have a classroom, instead, she shared one moving to different classrooms
throughout the day. In the fall 2013, a year after she started at Danvers, Colleen was assigned her own
classroom. She was so excited in setting up and getting it ready for her students. I never had the
opportunity to see Colleen teach, something I would have loved to have seen. Our family though has been
fortunate to learn what Colleen was like as a teacher from the many letters, notes and cards we received
from her students. The following is an excerpt from a note from a student which summarizes the many
messages we received to help you understand the teacher that the students lost that day, her current and
former students and the students she had yet to have:
“A ray of sunshine is defined as a brightness or radiance; cheerfulness or happiness. When you think of a
ray of sunshine, you think of positivity, light or joy. The best way I can describe my junior year Algebra
teacher is by saying that she was simply a ray of sunshine.
17
Ms. Ritzer amazed me from the get go and I knew that this was someone I would aspire to emulate. She
stood out and always went the extra mile to do what she needed in order for her students to succeed. I
remember walking into her class every day and seeing nothing but a smile on her face and such eagerness
to teach. It was evident that she was passionate about her work and it did not take very long for me to
realize that I was in the presence of someone special. She was someone I could confide in when something
was wrong, and as the year went on, I found myself looking forward to math class. I knew that in Ms.
Ritzer’s class, I was guaranteed at least 55 minutes a day of pure positivity. I cherished that gift because I
knew it was something extraordinary.”
This is the teacher he took away.
The simple things in life made Colleen happy; she looked for the good in every day. In summer 2013,
Colleen began to keep a jar where, at the end of the day, she would write down on a small piece of paper
something good from that day. The goal was to open the jar at the end of the year and reflect on all of
the good. Sadly, she never made it to the end of the year to reflect on those good memories. To prepare
for today, I finally opened the jar and read through what she had written. Although painful to see her
handwriting on each of these notes and to recall the memories, I did so, with the hope to help you
understand how truly simple things brought her joy. A few of the 2013 memories from the jar:
 August 28th – “Making progress setting up the classroom”
 September 22nd – “Laura’s hockey game and hot pink cake”
 September 26th – “Successful open house at school”
 October 5th – “Out to dinner with Mom and Dad”
 October 19th – “Pizza, drinks & Red Sox w/ Jen &Merry. Going to the World Series!” – Four days
later on the evening of October 23rd, the Boston Red Sox and more than 38,000 fans paused prior
to the start of game 1 of the World Series at Fenway Park to honor Colleen with a moment of
silence.
 October 21st , her last memory – “Chocolate Cream Pie”
Colleen had a smile that lit up a room and an infectious laugh that would instantly make others smile. One
of the best adjectives to describe Colleen both as a child and as an adult is “excitable”. It is one of the
things I miss the most. The littlest things would bring excitement to her face. It would put that bright smile
on her face –a glow of pure joy and happiness. In most conversations with Colleen, that ever-present
excitement in her voice would be present even when describing something as simple as how her school
day had gone. You, your honor, saw that smile and her excitement in the video that was played here in
court during the trial, of her and Sarah in the hall outside her classroom that day after school. What you
saw in those clips is exactly who Colleen was. Happy. She would share her excitement through her use of
her “yays”. There was a “yay” for just about anything, her “yay math”, “yay proofs”, “yay babies”, it didn’t
matter, big or small. She was always more excited for Dan and Laura than they were for themselves. It is
who she was. And then there was Christmas. Christmas music, the ABC family countdown, watching Home
Alone for the hundredth time, to Christmas morning. At 24 she had the excitement of a five-year-old when
it came to Christmas. She had that excitement not just for herself, but, more importantly for Colleen, for
others too.
As you have witnessed throughout this trial by the presence of so many, Colleen loved her family - more
than anything – and they, her. Spending time together was one of her favorite things to do. She loved
family gatherings, she would try to come up with reasons for all of our extended family to gather. Many
of her cousins were like siblings to her. We come from a very large family and everyone is very close Colleen was central to that. She loved her friends. From just spending time with them doing simple things.
She loved her life and embraced everyone in it.
18
Her intense love of family was also reflected in her chosen career, one that she aspired to since pre-school
where she had “Miss Laura” as a teacher. Colleen loved teaching. She had no doubts about the profession
she had chosen. She loved planning her lessons and loved her students. She had established a set daily
routine that she rarely wavered from.
Tuesday, October 22nd started just like all her other school days. Colleen popped into our bedroom at 6:15
to say goodbye. That would be the last time we heard her voice and I struggle because I can’t remember
if I said goodbye to her.
That was the day evil crossed her path. I will never understand how such evil could exist in this world, or
more importantly, how such evil could cross Colleen’s path, a path of unwavering love, caring and
kindness.
As I previously testified, when Colleen didn’t arrive home as she ordinarily did, I tried calling and texting
her. I still have my final text to her saying “where are you, if you are driving don’t answer”. She never
answered. The events of that afternoon and early that evening I’ve already testified to. When receiving
the phone call from Todd, Tom, myself, and Laura, who was only 17 at the time, headed to Danvers High
School having no idea what we were heading into. Had I known that something so horrific could have
happened I never would have brought Laura with us. As instructed we left the school to go the Danvers
Police station. We sat at the police station for many hours. After a short time, I called Dan, who was away
at school, to let him know that Colleen was missing but to stay there and I would call when I knew
something. At one point we heard that the missing student was found. I thought that things were going
to be ok, that something must have happened but if the student was found then Colleen would be found.
But again we waited hours for any news. And then we saw several police officers walking towards us and
I knew it was bad. They called us into a room and with Laura, at 17 by our side, we were not told that
Colleen had been found but that they had found Colleen’s body in the woods behind DHS. I only asked
two questions: how and they told me with a box cutter and who – was it was the student, and they said
yes. I then had to call Dan at school, and tell him that Colleen was dead. I told him to get a friend and to
come home.
I wish I had done things differently that day. I wish had called sooner, left Laura at home when we went
to the school and had not told Dan over the phone. I wish I could have helped Colleen but no one could
help her that day, because no one knew what evil sat in her classroom that day.
That moment in time has forever changed my and my family’s lives. Our lives will never be the same, we
will never feel the happiness we did before that horrific day, and the gaping hole in our lives will never be
filled. We will never get a second chance to be with Colleen. The absence of Colleen from our lives grows
stronger with each day and with each family occasion. Her bedroom, her place at the dinner table and her
spot on the couch, where she prepared her lessons, sits empty day after day.
Dan and Laura lost their big sister that day - their first friend, mentor and first teacher. Other than a
teacher, the only thing as a child Colleen wanted more was to be a big sister. She loved that role more
than anything. I miss hearing the banter between them. Colleen had totally different relationships with
Dan versus Laura. Colleen spent many hours caring for Dan and Laura after school. Dan loved to pick on
Colleen because she was an easy target for him and Colleen would just laugh. She would try to give Dan
advice which sometimes he didn’t want to take - although he knew she was right. Dan left for college in
August and that was the last time he saw his big sister. He left for college only to return to a house with
an empty room. As a little boy Dan would sneak into Colleen’s room and sleep on the floor next to her
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bed. No matter how many times we put him back in his room, we would always find him the next morning
in Colleen’s room. Now, every day, he walks by Colleen’s room – an empty room. Dan’s last two years of
college are a blur to me and I feel like I missed out on being there for him. He turned 21 less than a month
after that horrific day and Colleen was not there to celebrate that milestone and have a drink with him.
Dan graduated from college this past May without Colleen there to cheer him on. She would have been
so proud of what he has accomplished under such difficult circumstances, as are Tom and I, and she would
have been so excited for him. Colleen will not be there for Dan’s wedding and never be an aunt to his
children. They will never be able to have the relationship that adult siblings have.
Laura lost her only sister that day. October 2013 was the beginning of her senior year of high school, what
should have been one of the best years of her life. Instead, it was the most horrific time of her life. She
heard things no teenage girl should have had to hear. Her life, and decisions she needed to make
regarding her future, were severely altered that October day. It was a time when she was applying to
colleges and trying to make a decision on where she wanted to go. The effects of that day significantly
impacted her choice of where to go to college. Distance from our home was now an important factor
because we knew that the trial would take place while she was attending college. Her safety at college
became a major factor in the decision. Colleen had been so excited for her as she looked at schools.
Colleen as much as she loved having Dan as a brother, loved having a sister. From the day Laura was born
there was a close bond that only can be found in sisters. Colleen was a second mother to Laura. They
spent so much time together growing up. Colleen would take Laura to hockey, would cheer for her from
the stands, she would help teach Laura to drive and she would take her prom dress shopping. All the
things big sisters do. Laura will not have her big sister there to be her maid of honor on the day she marries
and her children will not have an aunt. As Laura mentioned earlier, on January 20, 2014, Laura skated
onto the ice as co-captain of the Andover High Girls Hockey Varsity team, all wearing pink jerseys to honor
Colleen, to play the Danvers Girls Varsity Team. I could only think of how excited Colleen would have
been to attend because she would have to decide whether to cheer for her baby sister as she always did
or cheer for her students from Danvers High. Instead Laura took the ice not with Colleen in the stands,
but to observe a moment of silence in memory of her beloved older sister. Laura graduated from high
school in June, 2014 without Colleen there and started college without Colleen there to share in the
excitement. Colleen was Laura’s biggest cheerleader in life. Laura has had to endure the many legal
battles and the lengthy trial through the first year and half of her college life – again years that should be
the best time of her life. Colleen would be so proud, as are Tom and I, of what Laura has achieved under
such difficult circumstances these past twenty-eight months.
But on that October day, Dan and Laura not only lost the sister they loved, they lost their parents,
especially the mother that they knew. The person that I was. The person that I will never be again. Instead
they now have a mother who is so very broken. Dan and Laura now parent Tom and I, as they try so hard
to help us get through each day, to try to put a smile on our faces.
For 24 years I had Colleen by my side to love and to be loved by her. And for 17 years I had three children
in my home. These are my three children (show picture). This picture represents so much to me. First,
this is the picture of Colleen in the pink shirt that will be recognized by many as the picture that flashed
across TV that day and many days since. We were under tremendous pressure from the media that day,
as they waited outside our home, to provide a photo of Colleen. This picture was taken in June 2013, at
Colleen’s cousins’ graduation party. It was one of the most recent pictures that we had of Colleen, and
she had that incredible smile on her face. We cropped this picture to give to the media, so they would
leave us alone to mourn in private. But what this picture more importantly represents to me, is the last
picture I have of my three children together. This was the last family occasion that we were at with all
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three kids and knew it was an ideal time to take our annual picture of the three kids to be used for our
Christmas card. One of the most difficult things to do now is take a picture of my children. I love Dan and
Laura with all that I have, but to take a picture of the two of them together brings so much pain because
Colleen’s absence from the picture is overwhelming. There is supposed to be three children in the picture,
there was always supposed to be three and there will never again be three.
Life will never have the same joy and happiness that it once did for me. There will always be the empty
seat. Time only makes her absence more noticeable. Time does not lessen the pain it strengthens it. Too
many family times when Colleen should be there and her absence so strong. Colleen loved doing things
together and she also loved just being home so we spent a lot of time together.
Colleen was at the age where I could be her friend and not just her mother. I will never have that
opportunity. She was ready for the next chapter in her life since she was happy with her career. She was
going to school to pursue her masters and making plans to move out with her friend. She was at the point
where she was ready for her personal life to be her priority. She wanted to meet someone - to marry and
have children. I will never see Colleen in a wedding dress, I will never see her walk down the church aisle
that we would often talk about before (or after) Mass, and I will never see her be a mother, the thing she
wanted most to be. Tom and I will never be a grandmother and grandfather to Colleen’s children; I know
her kids would have had her amazing smile and her love and kindness. Colleen loved babies, loved kids
and Colleen would have made an amazing mother. Evil took all that away from Colleen and from me,
Tom, Dan and Laura.
Every holiday, especially Christmas is so very difficult. Colleen’s birthday and the anniversary of that
horrible day and the 22nd of every month is filled with such pain. And weekends are so very difficult
because the house is so empty without her. Sunday’s especially because Sunday afternoon was family
time.
We never got the opportunity to see Colleen teach or to see her classroom. I finally saw her classroom
the day in court when the pictures were put up on the screen. I saw two things when I saw that picture:
her Assumption College banner hanging on the wall and her blue coat, hanging on the back of her chair
because he had forgotten to steal that.
Colleen and our family did everything right. We loved each other, we took care of each other, we worked
hard, and we followed the rules. We raised our children to be good, kind and loving people and in a matter
of minutes that evil took it all away. Colleen did nothing wrong other than to try and help him and he
devastated our lives by taking her life away.
The loss of Colleen has taken a physical and emotional toll on me. Enduring this legal process and sitting
through court appearances reliving that horrific day and learning the details of that day, seeing the
physical evidence from that day, have taken a tremendous toll on me and my family. We’ve endured all
of this in the public eye. I have difficulty sleeping because I can’t stop thinking about that day and the fear
and pain that Colleen suffered. But the emotional toll has been the worst. I do not like the person that I
have become. I used to see the glass half full, I, like Colleen, was happy, and now am lucky to have a day
where I get as high as feeling empty. Now, I isolate myself from the people I love because pretending to
be happy is so very difficult. Putting the fake smile on my face and telling people I’m ok is draining.
Remaining composed in court during the many hearings and lengthy trial in order to be respectful of this
court was physically and emotionally draining. I have tremendous anger and I am afraid for my childrens’
lives in a way I never was before. Just getting through each day is a struggle. I have difficulty focusing on
anything as my mind continually wanders to that that horrible day, especially after learning all the horrific
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brutal details in court. I struggle with my faith because I cannot believe that Colleen is ok, because how
could she be after such brutal crimes. Every day there is something new that triggers the grief and anger
whether it be a certain date, a song, a picture, another legal battle, it can be anything. When we celebrate
Dan and Laura or one of our other family members, Colleen is always missing and therefore there can
never be true happiness again.
Our family is incredibly grateful for the continued outpouring of support and meaningful tributes in honor
of Colleen. The sea of pink, which was often a topic during this trial, brings us moments of great comfort
while at the same time brings great pain because it represents Colleen’s absence. It always comes back to
the bad - the evil that has sat before you, without demonstrating any sense of remorse, throughout the
trial. On the news, in the newspapers, even when the stories are about Colleen’s continued influence on
those she knew and never met, she is still always described as the “slain” or “murdered” teacher. That is
not how she should be described or remembered and to see that is incredibly painful.
Your honor, this was not just one crime but three crimes. There is no doubt that it was premediated and
planned. Colleen packed her school bag that day just like she did every other day with her books and her
purple lunch bag while he packed his bag ready to take a life. Please allow me to explain the pain of each
crime by sharing how we learned of the details of that day. All we knew that night was that Colleen had
been killed and that the weapon was a box cutter. We knew no other details as we went home to plan
our 24-year-old daughter’s funeral. It wasn’t until several days after Colleen’s funeral, on October 31, 2013
that we met with Ms. MacDougall and her team along with several of the police officers that had been
there that night. Much of that meeting remains a blur as I was still in shock. It was that day that we
learned how Colleen had been killed, how her body had been found, that she had been sexually assaulted
in the woods and that she had been robbed. That her credit cards had been stolen and that he had used
them to buy himself food and to go to a movie. We were told that he would be charged as an adult and
that upon conviction he would be given life in prison without the possibility of parole. We left and went
home with the difficult task of explaining to Dan and Laura the horrific details because we wanted them
to learn from us, rather from the news.
It was in January 2014 when we were asked to meet again with Ms. MacDougall and Ms. Leal. We met at
the Lawrence Court house. When I walked in that room I knew what they were going to tell us. I asked
the question before they had a chance to tell us, that Colleen had been raped in the bathroom. As a
mother, one of your worst fears for your daughter is that she could be sexually assaulted. He would now,
in addition to the original three charges, be charged with sexually assaulting Colleen in that bathroom.
This charge added to the horror of these crimes. We once again had to go home as Tom talked to Dan and
I told my 17 year old daughter that her sister had been raped as I saw such pain and fear in her eyes.
The emotional and physical pain, was intensified when we received a phone call on Christmas Eve 2013,
following the Supreme Judicial Court’s ruling that changed sentencing for juveniles convicted of first
degree murder by ruling that they could no longer be given a life sentence without the possibility of
parole. It was devastating to hear that news knowing that the legal battle would never end for our family.
Instead of following the Federal court’s appropriate and respectful decision to extend discretion to the
judge, Massachusetts took that law one step too far and took away your right to sentence him to life
without parole. Because of that immoral and unjust ruling, our family will be forced to publically go
through this pain again as we will have to fight to keep such an evil person in prison where he belongs for
life. As Tom and I age, that burden will fall to Dan and Laura, a burden that they should not have to carry.
As we have sat through this very long trial and this very long judicial process, the horrific details of that
day have been made known to all. You have heard and seen all the evidence, including statements he
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made that night to the police that clearly demonstrates that he knew exactly what he was doing and that
he had a well thought out plan. You also know that there were four very specific crimes that day even if
he was only convicted of three. As Colleen’s family, we believe those crimes must be punished separate
and distinct from each other. Today, you have the responsibility to determine a right and just sentence.
This case – your decision - will set a precedent for future cases. As Colleen’s Mom, her voice in this room,
I urge you to impose the maximum sentence allowed to you under the restrictive SJC ruling. These
sentences must be consecutive, they cannot be concurrent, as these crimes are separate and distinct and
the impact that each has had on my family is truly indescribable. You must remember that after he
committed these brutal crimes he calmly left and got himself dinner and went to a movie. You watched
him calmly walk around the school on the video from DHS. There are two very important elements to that
video from the school that I ask you to consider when determining the sentence for these crimes. The
first is the video of Colleen talking with Sarah outside her classroom. Colleen wore her emotions on her
sleeve, if anything had happened in that classroom between Colleen and him that would have caused her
to be upset or if she thought she had upset him, you would have seen it on her face and she would have
told Sarah. Instead you saw the Colleen that we all knew and loved with the smile on her face and her
excitement in her actions. The video of her walking to the girl’s room clearly showed Colleen calm and
happy with no concerns at all. Second, and the most important, is that throughout this trial he would
often be described as staring into space however you watched him, as did I, how intently he paid attention
to himself on that video. He did not shy away from watching it. He watched every clip of it with great
attention and with absolutely no remorse. When that video was broadcast, he was the most alive in this
courtroom including during Ms. MacDougall’s closing. He never once flinched or showed any sign or
remorse or guilt.
He deserves the sentence of death for the brutal crimes he committed but that is not an option. He
deserves life in prison without the eligibility of parole, but that is not an option. You do though have the
option to set consecutive life sentences with parole eligibility at the highest level that the court allows for
each of these crimes. Please, begin the long and painful process of righting the wrong of the SJC and
legislators. You have this responsibility for Colleen, for our family, and for the community to put him away
for the rest of his life. Even after 50 years he could still have a life, a family, children, which cannot happen.
He is pure evil and evil can never be rehabilitated. You need to consider the safety of our family and the
rest of the community as we would live in fear if he ever gets out of prison. Colleen and our family will
never get a second chance and neither should he. I will never forgive him for what he did to Colleen and
for what he took away from my family. Today, you need to make the right, just and brave decision to give
him three consecutive sentences with the maximum number of years before parole eligibility for each
crime.
As I shared in the beginning, today, we return our focus to Colleen. Colleen is often remembered for her
inspirational quotes that she posted on social media, quotes by which she lived her life. They weren’t just
words on paper to her, they were pieces of who she was as a person. Her legacy is based on two of these
quotes. On August 11, 2013 Colleen shared on social media “No matter what happens in life be good to
people, being good to people is a wonderful legacy to leave behind” and on October 5, 2013 she shared
“Every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day”. This is the person that Colleen
was and continues to be and although I struggle that my twenty-four year old daughter has a legacy, I am
honored at what that legacy is and proud to be her mother.
Today, the good must prevail over the evil. You need to remember that Colleen matters.
Thank you for the opportunity to share with you who Colleen is and the impact her loss has had and
continues to have on my family.
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