Clarify Expectations
You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor
Ex. 20:19
The Purpose: To recognize whether certain expectations are valid or not, and
learn to clarify expectations with others.
Many of these expectations are:
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Valid expectations are:
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© Pete and Geri Scazzero
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality
Key principle: An expectation is only valid when mutually agreed upon.
Individual Activity: Identifying an Unmet Expectation
1. Think of a recent, simple expectation that you have that went unmet and made you angry,
disappointed, or confused (e.g. family, work, friends, household chores/responsibilities,
church, neighbors, children, parenting, holidays, vacations, money). Write the expectation
below.
2. Now answer the following questions about this expectation:
• Conscious:
Were you aware you had this expectation?
• Realistic:
What specific evidence is there that this person(s) can and
will provide you with what you want or expect?
• Spoken:
Have you clearly spoken the expectation or do you just think
“they should know”?
• Agreed upon:
Has the other person agreed to the expectation?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Partner Activity: Clarify an Expectation
1. Find a partner. Share what you discovered about your expectation.
2. Share with your partner the expectation you wrote down and who you had the expectation
of. Your partner will role play that person.
3. Practice clarifying the expectation and see if it is agreed-upon.
Possible sentence stems:
o I’d like to clarify an expectation I have of you…
o I expect…because…can you agree to that?
o I wonder…are you willing?
o Can I clarify an expectation I think you have of me?...Is this true?
© Pete and Geri Scazzero
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality