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One for the filthy rich
This converted church would be stunning — if only someone cleared up the mess
BEYONDTHE
BROCHURE
ELEANOR
MILLS
ASK THE EXPERTS
The solicitor
I own a flat on which I had a
buy-to-let mortgage, which I
redeemed last year by paying it
off in full. I was charged a
security release fee of £195 by
the bank for returning the deeds
(although the list of tariffs I have
seems to indicate I should have
been charged £55). I have still
not received them, but the bank
tells me that it is only necessary
for it to inform the Land Registry
that it no longer has an interest in
the property. Is this correct? I
imagine I would need the deeds
in order to sell the property.
John Hart
The Land Registry electronically
stores details of the title to your
property, including copies of any
relevant deeds, so you will not
need to provide the original title
deeds for a sale. If you still want
your original deeds, check with
the solicitor you used when you
bought the property to see
whether they ever had the original
deeds during the transaction, and,
if so, whether they still hold them.
Some mortgage companies do
charge administration fees on
redemption, but you should seek
reimbursement of any overpayment
if the release fee was specific to
releasing title deeds to you.
I
t’s nearly the end of May, so why, bar
the last few days of blistering heat,
have the streets been awash with
people in sturdy boots and woolly
coats? Back in March, I went out
with bare legs and a summer dress
to buy bright-coloured jeans and
summer tops. Since then, they’ve been
accessorised with thermals; I recently
put on sheepskin gloves. Something is
seriously awry.
Nature knows it, too. This is the
paradox of the wintry non-summer:
glowering grey clouds against bright
yellow rape fields, peerless peonies
battered by great globules of hail. I know
two people who got caught in the
“Bicester twister” — one saw her garden
table hurled across the shrubs.
The only possible ray of light is
that, because we’ve had the deluge,
we might escape the August
monsoon. It’s becoming a
regular fixture. I know because,
every summer, we go to the
same festival in Devon, in
the same week, and five of the
past six years have involved a
torrential washout.
Camping in the British
summer always involves ankleto-neck waterproofs, wellies and
a brolly. All I can hope is that
things have been so topsy-turvy,
summer will come late. But I
reckon we should resign ourselves
to a wet jubilee weekend.
Whatever the weather, you
won’t find me rejoicing — I’m
afraid I am allergic to pomp. My
father is a staunch republican, given to
shouting “Up the revolution” whenever
the Queen hoves into view. I reckon
that royalism, like religion, is probably
only absorbed by osmosis during childhood, which means I am a lost cause.
Still, there are positives for those of us
left cold by the monarchy: in Richmond
a week ago, Sainsbury’s was deserted as
the borough’s entire population popped
to the park to say “What ho!” to Her
Majesty. Every cloud has a silver lining.
I found myself chanting that same
cliché as I marched round this week’s
house. The brochure is one of the most
impressive yet — acres of glistening
surfaces in 15,000 sq ft of converted
Victorian red-brick church. This is a real
A-list pad — Sandra Bullock rented it
when she was in Britain last year. It’s
the kind of place that is designed to
make us lesser mortals feel our own
shortcomings. After all, it is slap in
the middle of some of the classiest real
estate in the country; kings’ mistresses
once resided in the elegant Georgian
lodges that inhabit a green oasis ’twixt
27.05.12
Donall Murphy is a partner at
Russell-Cooke LLP; russell-cooke.
co.uk
See the converted Victorian church in
all its glory (with none of the clutter)
at thesundaytimes.co.uk/360
All Saints
House, London
TW10, £9.5m
What is it? A converted red-brick
church with seven bedrooms
Where is it? Petersham, in
Richmond upon Thames
Who is selling? Knight Frank (020
8939 2800, knightfrank.co.uk);
Savills (020 8614 9100; savills.
co.uk); Whirlybird Property (01494
358133, whirlybirdproperty.co.uk)
A316
Richmond
River
Thames
A307
½ mile
Richmond
Park
All Saints House
Thames and park. Their modern
successors — Jerry Hall, Annabel
Goldsmith — now live there in
semi-rustic splendour.
I expected to be wowed and
seduced — selling this kind of
top-end pad is all about what is
called in the trade “dressing the
property”. To you and me, that
means piles of fluffy towels,
impressive flower displays and scented
candles. This house is being sold by
Mark Penrice, a property developer
(although this is his family home), and
I thought he’d know all the tricks — but
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Dressing? Pah! I have never been to a
filthier house: in the huge sitting room
on the mezzanine level — all cream,
glass panels and heavenly views up to
stained-glass windows — was the
dried-up remains of someone’s supper,
complete with stinky plate and ketchup
bottle. At the top of the church tower —
stupendous views over the park — the
effect was ruined by a wooden floor
thick with dead flies.
Beds were unmade, sinks stained and
grotty; in the “guest suite”, I found
smashed plastic champagne bottles and
an old can used as an ashtray. Through
the squalor, it was hard to focus on the
generous proportions and views through
the internal window down to the 60fthigh, 60ft-long Great Hall.
Everywhere it was the same story.
The £10,000 treehouse in the garden was
full of sweet wrappers and old sleeping
bags, the lawn treacherous with dog poo.
The swimming pool and spa in the
catacombs were clean, but that’s
because, as the owner admitted, they
haven’t been used for a year. The grand
modernist kitchen, cleverly designed to
feel cosy, lacked fruit or flowers to sell it;
the coffee on offer was instant.
The church is a bit of a warren. There
are seven bedrooms, but three of them
are windowless cells in the tower. The
old marble baptistry was filled haphazardly with Harry Potter books and
gym equipment. The master bedroom is
handsome, under a vast wooden dome,
with a grand upstairs ensuite. Again,
though, the presentation let it down: the
bedspread was cheap and shiny brown;
clothes spilled out of the wardrobes.
I didn’t understand what was
going on. Usually, wherever I go, grand
or modest, everything is sparkling clean.
Everyone takes pride in their home and
wants to show it to the world in its best
aspect. It seemed sad to me that someone with so much, including a house of
which most of us can only dream, could
treat it so callously. Or maybe this lot are
so rich, so spoilt and so used to others
clearing up the mess, they don’t notice
or care. There you have it, another
paradox, like the wintry summer — a
beautiful house, disgustingly kept. For
shame, for shame.
If you’d like Eleanor to cast her
critical eye over a property you’re selling,
email [email protected]
The home
technology expert
What’s the best way to control
my home audiovisual system
with my iPad?
AN
Loewe has a free app that lets you
control its latest televisions and
other AV products from your iPad.
A TV with a control system starts
at £1,300 (loewe-uk.com). If you
want to control a range of brands,
BitWise Controls (bitwisecontrols.
com) has an app and interfaces
that can do this, although you will
need a dealer to help set it up. The
system starts at £3,000.
For whole-house iPad control,
covering lighting, heating, air
conditioning and AV hardware,
Savant (savantsystems.com)
supplies powerful systems based
on Apple technology. Prices start
at £3,000, and you will need a
dealer to install it: try RGB
Communications (01488 73366,
www.rgbcomms.co.uk).
Iain Brown is cofounder of the
custom installation company
Kensington Home Technology;
www.k-ht.co.uk
Do you need help from
one of our experts?
Email your questions to
propertyexperts@
sunday-times.co.uk. Advice is
given without responsibility
27.05.12
THE SUNDAY TIMES thesundaytimes.co.uk/home
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