Song of Solomon 2:10-13, 8:6-7 Passionate Love in the Church
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Dr. Gary Chapman, author of books about relationships, leads seminars on
marriage, parenting, separation, anger and the love of God. His most popular
book is The Five Love Languages that outlines how to identify the ways you want
to receive expressions of love from your mate, and the ways you want to express
love to that person. The five languages are Affirmation, Quality time, Receiving
Gifts, Acts of service and Physical touch. It is fairly straightforward to see that if
one partner desires physical touch and the other partner desires to give gifts,
there may be a disconnect in the relationship and it will be harder – but not
impossible! - for that couple to deepen their love for each other. It is also helpful
for those of us who are not in a marriage relationship to note that these love
languages are the same for friendships. There are friends who do things for you,
but don’t seem able to affirm who you are and what you do – or those who are
extremely affirming, but don’t or can’t spend quality time together. Dr.
Chapman’s book gives people a vocabulary to work with, so we have a place to
start in our conversations about deepening relationships of love and respect, and
coming to understand others and their needs more clearly.
In the back of Chapman’s book, there is a questionaire that helps you
determine which of the five love languages is the one that you prefer. The way
the questions are posed are in terms of meaning. For example, It is more
meaningful when my partner a) holds my hand or b) does something unexpected
like doing the laundry or filling my car. It is more meaningful when my partner a)
says something encouraging to me or b) gives me a little gift.
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You can see that some of these ways of expressing care and concern are
worthy of writing love songs. Popular songs like I Wanna Hold Your Hand by the
Beatles, Endless Love by Diana Ross and Lionel Richie, Let me Love You by Mario,
or I Think I Want to Marry You by Bruno Mars are songs inspired by physical love,
touch, passion, and the longing to be with the other person. We just don’t hear
or sing songs like, Oh, baby, I love it when you clean the cat box or Mow the lawn
for me one more time. Maybe those songs have been written, but I don’t think
they’ve caught on!
Compared to Chapman’s five love languages, there are six Greek root words
to describe different kinds of love. As you can imagine, the Greek love definitions
are not as sterile or colloquial as Chapman’s. Philia, is the word for love
expressed in friendship, among comrades, and for those you would sacrifice
yourself. Ludus is playful love, or affection, most commonly seen among children,
or young people who tease and flirt. Philautea is best described as love of the
self. In the negative sense, this can be narcissism or obssession with oneself. Or
it can be the kind of self love that allows us to love others - if you like yourself and
feel secure in yourself, you will have plenty of love to give others from a place of
internal confidence. A fourth Greek word for love is Pragma, or longstanding love
– the kind of love we see in couples who have been together for years and years.
The kind of love that makes those around you say, “how do you do that?”
I am reminded of a scene in the movie Don Juan deMarco in which two of
the characters are in bed, reflecting on the love in their relationship. The man
asks, what happened to us? We used to be on fire; we were like a supernova!
The woman responds, fires are dangerous and supernovas burn out. It’s better to
have the nice steady warmth of an ember that keeps going. The woman is
describing Pragma – longstanding love.
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Agape love is the kind of love we talk about most often in the church. It is a
love for humankind and creation, or what in Theravada Buddhism is called
“universal loving kindness.” It is caritas/charity. It is the love given to strangers
and family alike. It is selfless love. It is the love that we can experience in
communion, around a campfire, at the dinner table and on the beach.
The sixth kind of love gets short shrift in the church – Eros, or passionate
love. Eros is fiery, irrational, sexual and involves, at times, loss of control.1 Eros is
what causes us to Fall in love, rather than stand in love (Erich Fromm). The love
described as Eros inspires song, poetry, and the Song of Songs. In this book of our
scriptures we read, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is
better than wine, your anointing oils are fragrant, your name is perfume poured
out; therefore the maidens love you. Draw me after you, let us make haste. The
king has brought me into his chambers. We will exult and rejoice in you; we will
extol your love more than wine; rightly do they love you. I am black and beautiful,
O daughters of Jerusalem, like the tents of Kedar, like the curtains of Solomon.”
Our holy book speaks of kissing, rejoicing in each other, of rich black and beautiful
skin, and of going into the bed chamber.
Our culture today, trains us to feel uncomfortable about this kind of love.
This is the kind of love that should be kept under wraps, so to speak, because it is
a hidden and secretive passion. But this is scripture! This is the book that guides
us and inspires us. Why avoid the sensuous imagery and visceral descriptions of
physical love? Song of Songs offers to us another image of what makes for the
good life. Right relationships. Right relationships between lovers, between
humanity and creation, and humanity and God.
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How Should We Live? Great Ideas from the Past for Everyday Life. Roman Krznaric
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In a way, Song of Songs is a corrective to the second creation story in
Genesis.2 In Genesis 3, the woman is told that now that they are out of the
garden of Eden, that her desire will only be for her husband, and that he will rule
over her. In the ardent dialogue of Song of Songs, there is mutual desire between
the two lovers. There is fidelity and honor and respect. There is no one that rules
over the other, or one that has desire and the other is only the object of desire.
The relationship portrayed here is a corrective to the distorted, media-driven,
commodification of sex that brings shame and abasement, and kills the spirit. The
relationship in Song of Songs is about willing surrender into the arms of a beloved,
not submission and domination, or duty and obligation.
This relationship inspires poetry, song and artful expression. This is why
Song of Songs is written in verse rather than prose. We know that poetry engages
the imagination, and presses us toward deeper reflection and meaning. We have
to read poetry slowly and multiple times. The poem that Lyn Ward Page will read
for the offertory this morning is printed in the bulletin, because poetry needs to
be heard AND read. You may recognize it as the text of an anthem that our choir
has sung as well. Eros or passionate love, encourages us to engage all of our
senses, and deepen the meaning of what we are experiencing.
Unquenchable, passionate love is the love desperately needed in the
church today. We know selfless love, sacrificial love, filial love, and self-love here,
but we are also called to eros love in the church. We are invited into a fervent,
energized, all-consuming love that represents a right relationship with each other
and with God. God is pursuing us like one lover pursues another. We desire and
long for God the way we pine and yearn for a beloved who is away from us for a
time. Eros love liberates us from thinking too much – it entices us to deepen our
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Working Preacher. Catherine Schifferdecker
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interpretations of life and daily experiences, and expand our prosaic selves to be
more poetic and artistic.
Come away, my love,
and be the church that is defined by mutual love and desire.
Come away, my love, and create the church inspired by liberating, faithful
longing.
Come away, my love, and know the church that shares love that is as strong
as death, and refreshes us like the spring after a long winter.
Come away, my love.
Amen.
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Song of Solomon 2:10-13
My beloved speaks and says to me: “Arise, my love, my fair one, and come
away; for now the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on
the earth; the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard
in our land. The fig tree puts forth its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give
forth fragrance. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.
Song of Songs 8:6-7
Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for love is strong as
death, passion fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, a raging
flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If one
offered for love all the wealth of his house, it would be utterly scorned.
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Our invitation to the table this morning is an adaptation of the welcome that is
posted at Coventry Cathedral:
God extends a special invitation to those who are single, married, divorced,
widowed, gay, transgender, confused or in process. God invites you here if you
are filthy rich, comfortable or dirt poor. God extends a special invitation to
wailing babies an excited toddlers.
God invites you whether you can sing like Pavarotti or just growl quietly to
yourself. You are invited if you are just browsing, just woke up, or just got out of
prison.
God extends a special invitation to you who are over 60 but not grown upyet, and
to teens who are growing up too fast. God invites keep-fit mome, football dad,
starving artists, tree-huggers, latte-sippers, vegetarians, junk-food eaters. You are
invited if you are in recovery or still addicted, if you are having problems, are
down in the dumps, or don’t like organized religion.
God invites those who think the earth is flat, work too hard, don’t work, can’t
spell; those who are inked, pierced, both or neither. You are especially invited if
you could use a prayer right now, had religion shoved down your throat as a kid,
or wound up here by mistake.
Pilgrims, tourists, seekers and doubters are all invited. YOU are invited.
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