This session focuses on avoiding critical errors
of language and illustration
Break
words
wordswords
wordswordswords
wordswordswordswords
(5) Placing the audience in a hypnotic state
wordswordswords
wordswordswords
wordswordswords
wordswordswords
wordswordswords
wordswordswords
(6) Not anchoring the subject in the familiar
(7) Not choosing a persuasive image
(8) Not designing a persuasive graph
Another critical error of language is placing
the audience in a hypnotic state
Weak Verbs
Needless Words
Stagnant Sentence Rhythms
Weak verbs hide the energy of your work
A new process for eliminating nitrogen
oxides from diesel exhaust engines is
presented. Flow tube experiments to
test this process are discussed. The
percentage decrease in nitrogen oxide
emissions is revealed.
The crisper the verb, the more punch that it packs
Placement of a verb affects its strength
In this study, the care given by a hospital and the
medical outcomes of patients are compared. The
effects of exogenous factors, such as the types of
illnesses, are accounted for. Also, the opinions of
both patients and physicians on the quality of
health care are considered.
Bellingham Herald
is capable of
can
makes a decision
decides
makes a measurement of
measures
performs the development of
develops
Needlessly passive verbs slow your writing
This study compares the care given by a hospital
and the medical outcomes of patients. Accounted
for in the study are the effects of exogenous
factors, such as the types of illnesses. Also
considered are the opinions of both patients and
physicians on the quality of health care.
Problems can arise using the active
voice with inanimate objects
Safe
Needless Passive
Active
The oscilloscope
displayed
the voltage.
1. Allow inanimate objects to act
The voltage
was
oscilloscope
displayed
measured on the
the voltage.
oscilloscope.
2. Use the first person judiciously
Dangerous
The oscilloscope
made assumptions
about the voltage.
+
V
-
V=
Avoiding the first person often
convolutes sentences
Weak verbs hide the energy of your work
In that an effort to identify a specific
control circuit responsible for the failure
of the gear box was unsuccessful, it was
determined appropriate to resurvey the
collector field for torque tube damage.
Because we could not locate the control circuit
responsible for the gear box failure, we resurveyed
the collector field for torque tube damage.
A redundancy is a needless repetition of words
absolute guarantee
my personal opinion
blended together
bright green in color
A new process for eliminating nitrogen
oxides from diesel exhaust engines is
presented. Flow tube experiments to
test this process are discussed. The
percentage decrease in nitrogen oxide
emissions is revealed.
This paper presents a new process for
eliminating nitrogen oxides from the
exhaust of diesel engines. To test this
process, we performed experiments in
flow tubes. These experiments
revealed a 99 percent decrease in
nitrogen oxide emissions.
There are many redundancies
in engineering writing
already existing
introduced a new
guarantee
alternative choices
at the present time
mix together
my opinion
basic fundamentals
currently under way
none at all
now at this time
completely eliminate
period of time
continue to remain
currently being
private industry
empty space
start out
first began
still persists
whether or not
blended
bright green
had done previously
never before
separate entities
Tightening your writing can make it
more energetic
Tightening your writing can make it
more energetic
Vibration measurements made in the
course of the Titan flight test program were
complicated by the presence of intense
high-frequency excitation of the vehicle
shell structure during the re-entry phase
of the flight.
The objective of our work is to obtain experimental data
that can be used in conjunction with a comprehensive
chemical kinetics modeling study to generate a detailed
understanding of the fundamental processes that lead
to engine knock.
Vibration measurements made in the Titan flight
were complicated by intense high-frequency
excitation of the vehicle shell during re-entry.
Our goal is to obtain experimental data that can be
used with a chemical kinetics model to explain the
processes that lead to engine knock.
When sentence openers do not vary,
even the most interesting subjects seem dull
Z
Varying sentence openers allows for more kinds
of transitions between sentences
Z
Z
Mount St. Helens erupted on May 18, 1980. A cloud of hot rock
and gas surged northward from its collapsing slope. The cloud
devastated more than 500 square kilometers of forests and
lakes. The effects of Mount St. Helens were well documented
with geophysical instruments. The origin of the eruption is not
well understood. Volcanic explosions are driven by a rapid
expansion of steam. Some scientists believe the steam comes
from groundwater heated by the magma. Other scientists
believe the steam comes from water originally dissolved in the
magma. We need to understand the source of steam in
volcanic eruptions. We need to determine how much water the
magma contains.
Sentence 1
Sentence 2
Sentence 3
Topic of Sentence
Time or place of action
Sentence
Manner of action
Subordinate action
Reason for action
Vary sentence openers to vary rhythm
More sophisticated sentence openers exist
Mount St. Helens erupted
on May…
infinitive phrase
To understand the eruption,
scientists have to...
prepositional phrase
In minutes, the mountain
emitted…
gerundial phrase
Calculating the amount of ash
will require many assumptions.
adverb
However, debate has arisen...
dependent clause
as subject
How the blast occurred remains
a mystery.
dependent clause
Although precursors of the
eruption had been studied for
months, the time and power…
participial phrase
Its slope collapsing, the
mountain emitted...
subject-verb
More sophisticated sentence openers exist
verb-subject
Is it groundwater heated by…
direct object
These flows we measured
using...
appositive
One of the largest on record in
North America, the Mount St.
Helens’ eruption killed more
than sixty people.
double clauses
The greater the tumenescence, the
more likely an eruption.
Varying sentence openers enlivens the
writing and allows connections
Mount St. Helens erupted on May 18, 1980. Its slope
collapsing, the mountain emitted a cloud of hot rock and gas.
In minutes, the cloud devastated more than 500 square
kilometers of forests and lakes. Although the effects of the
eruption were well documented, the origin is not well
understood. Volcanic explosions are driven by a rapid
expansion of steam. Recently, debate has arisen over the
source for the steam. Is it groundwater heated by magma or
water originally dissolved in the magma itself? To understand
the source of steam in volcanic eruptions, scientists need to
determine how much water the magma contains.
To make connections, use transitional phrases
early in sentences
Continuation
Pause
Reversal
Also,
Likewise,
However,
Moreover,
For instance,
On the other hand,
First…Second...
For example,
Conversely,
For that reason,
In other words,
Nevertheless,
Therefore,
In effect,
Otherwise,
This shows...
This means...
Use a variety of long, medium, and short
paragraphs
Replace the standalone “this” with a noun phrase
that specifies the subject
The finite element modeling technique does
not take into account the flexibility of the
truss. This results in a low stiffness, which
causes the natural frequency to be imprecise.
Weak
Transition
…truss. This disregard for flexibility results
in a low stiffness causing the natural
frequency to be imprecise.
Successful
Transition
…truss. Not accounting for the flexibility
results in a low stiffness causing the natural
frequency to be imprecise.
Fluid
Transition
To make your reports and articles fluid, rely
on paragraphs, not vertical lists
Average paragraphs: 7-11 lines
Short paragraphs: 1-6 lines
Use sparingly and don’t stack
Long paragraphs: 12-15 lines
Go no more than half a page
Experiment
Date:
Dateof
ofMemo
Memo
Date:
Date
Date:
Date of Memo
To:
Recipient'sName
Name
To:
Recipient's
To:
Recipient's
Name
Initials
From:
YourName
NameInitials
From:
Your
From:
Your
Name Initials
Subject: Title
Title ofReport
Report
Subject:
Subject:
Title ofofReport
Procedures.
Paragraphs are better at
showing connections
Paragraphs are better for
making arguments
Also, in formal reports, lists
usually appear in tables
Assessment.
1
Our language is full of specific terms,
abbreviations, and unusual meanings
A fourth critical error of language is not
anchoring the work in the familiar
Zener breakdown
JFET
forward bias
Solitons
MHD
arc
phonons
Nd:YAG
acceptor
enthalpy
h-s-P
internal energy
bremsstrahlung
ASTM
cleavage
A formal definition has a specific form
You should either avoid unfamiliar
terms or define them
class of terms
solar mirrors
the mirrors
noun term
heliostat
noun term
heliostats (solar mirrors)
noun term
noun term
Combustion Research Facility
noun term
noun term
noun term
noun term
noun naming class to
which noun term belongs
+
noun term
information to separate noun
term from other terms in class
the Facility
CRF
Combustion Research Facility (CRF)
Bremsstrahlung: the radiation emitted by a charged particle that is
accelerated in the Coulomb force field of a nucleus.
Anchor generalities with specifics
Since the design
of the plant, we
have made major
advances in solar
technology.
Examples anchor abstract generalities
By the late Middle Ages, cities throughout
Europe were building Gothic cathedrals. The
only way, however, that architects could test a
new design was to build the cathedral, a
process that took more than forty years.
Unfortunately, many cathedrals caved in during
or after construction. What took forty years to
test in the Middle Ages could have been done in
minutes on a supercomputer.
William Wilson
For example, experiments have shown that using
molten salt as the heat transfer fluid could increase
plant efficiency from 17% to 25%.
Analogies provide readers with a window
into your vision
To understand the shell theory of the nucleus,
imagine a roomful of couples waltzing in circles, each
circle enclosed inside another. These couples
represent pairs of neutrons and protons. As the
couples orbit the room, they also spin like tops, some
clockwise and some counterclockwise. In a waltz, it is
easier to spin in one direction than in the other
direction. Thus the couples spinning in the easier
direction will need slightly less energy than the
couples spinning in the more difficult direction. The
same is true for neutron-proton pairs in the nucleus.
Maria Goeppert Mayer
Avoid clichés, which are expressions
that are too familiar
sly as a fox
busy as a bee
faster than a speeding bullet
I am in search of a meaningful growth position,
and your company is a gateway to the highest
professional levels and beyond…
When you come up to speed, I'll touch base
with you and we'll knock heads together!
One critical error of illustrations is
not choosing a persuasive image
Illustrations consists of tables and figures
Table 1. Physical characteristics of planets [Handbook, 1969].
3
Load Curve
Vanes 100% Open
Vanes 75% Open
Vanes 65% Open
2.5
Diameter
(km)
Vanes 50%
Open
Mercury
5,100
S t a t ic P re s s u re R is e ( in H 2 O )
Planet
2
Year (earth days)
Vanes 25% Open
88
Venus
12,600
225
Earth
12,800
365
1.5
1
Mars
6,900
687
143,600
4,333
0.5
Jupiter
0
0
500
1000
1500
2000
2500
3000
3500
Saturn
120,600
10,759
Figure 1. Static pressure versus flow rate for five
Uranus
53,400
30,686
settings on the inlet guide vanes. The circles show
where the fan12,700
would operate for each setting.
Pluto
90,885
Flow Rate of Air (cfm)
*
Figure 1. Alleged path of Oswald, after shooting of President
Kennedy, through second floor of Texas Schoolbook Depository.
Tables can present words as well as numbers
*Data on Neptune not available
For clarity, you should introduce and
explain illustrations in the text
Table 2. Sequence of events in the Chernobyl accident [Wolfson, 1991].
Date
Time
Power Level
Event
April 25
1:00 a.m.
3200 MW
Operators begin power descent
April 25
2:00 p.m.
1600 MW
Power descent delayed for 9 hours
Emergency core-cooling system disconnected
April 25
11:10 p.m.
1600 MW
Operators switch off automatic control
Power descent resumed
April 26
1:00 a.m.
30 MW
April 26
1:19 a.m.
200 MW
April 26
1:23 a.m.
2,000,000 MW
..., as shown in Figure 4.
Power minimum reached
Operators pull rods beyond allowable limits
Operators start two additional coolant pumps
Operators violate coolant flow limits
Power surges by factor of 10,000 in 5 seconds
Figure 4. Title of figure [Raven, 2000]. Some formats allow you
extra sentences to explain unusual details.
When presenting images, you choose between
photographs, drawings, and diagrams
The main advantage of photographs is realism
4
1
Combustor
2
Compressor
3
Figure 6. Space Shuttle Challenger, about 60 seconds into launch on
January 28, 1986 [NASA, 1986]. The arrow shows where gases
escaped the solid rocket booster.
Turbine
The main disadvantage of photographs is realism
One advantage of drawings is control of detail
Combustor Simulator
Turbine
vanes
Turbine Vanes
Secondary
Flow
Primary
Flow
Secondary
Flow
Figure 7. Wind tunnel experiment at Virginia Tech for evaluating
film-cooling designs for the vanes of gas turbine engines [Thole
and others, 2000].
Dilution Jet
Film-Cooling
Holes
Figure 8. Wind tunnel experiment at Virginia Tech for evaluating
film-cooling designs for the vanes of gas turbine engines [Thole
and others, 2000].
With diagrams, you can show the flow of
a variable through a system
To make images in photographs and drawings
familiar, show the relative sizes of objects
Figure 11. Solar mirrors at the Solar One Power Plant. Each
mirror stand has an area of 39 square meters.
To make images in photographs and drawings
familiar, show the relative sizes of objects
When presenting numerical data, you
choose between tables and graphs
Table 3. Blood glucose
levels [Carlson, 1982].
Figure 12. Solar mirrors at the Solar One Power Plant [Falcone,
1986]. Each mirror stand has an area of 39 square meters.
Time
(hour)
Normal
(mg/dl*)
Diabetic
(mg/dl)
midnight
2:00
4:00
6:00
8:00
10:00
noon
2:00
4:00
6:00
8:00
10:00
100.3
93.6
88.2
100.5
138.6
102.4
93.8
132.3
103.8
93.6
127.8
109.2
175.8
165.7
159.4
72.1
271.0
224.6
161.8
242.7
219.4
152.6
227.1
221.3
* decaliters/milligram
300
Breakfast
Lunch
Dinner
250
Diabetic
Blood
200
Glucose
Level
150
(mg/dl)
100
Normal
50
0
12:00
6:00 am
12:00
6:00 pm
Hour
Figure 14. Blood glucose levels for
normal individual and diabetic
[Carlson, 1982].
12:00
Readers have certain expectations for line graphs
A well designed graph will support the assertion
of the text
2.5
120
100
2.0
3
Temperature
(K)
GEM (ng/m )
1500
1000
Experiment
Simulation
500
80
1.5
60
1.0
40
0.5
20
Total Hg in surface snow (ng/l)
2000
0
0
2
4
6
8
10
Distance From Burner (mm)
Figure 15. Computational and experimental temperatures
for laminar diffusion flames [Sandia, 1987].
In summary, writing is a craft upon which we
should continually strive to improve
0.0
10.04.2003
15.04.2003
20.04.2003
25.04.2003
Snow
30.04.2003
05.05.2003
0
10.05.2003
GEM
Figure 19. Graph showing that mercury depletion in polar regions are
more likely to occur during snows [Aspmo, 2004].
To write a successful research proposal, you need
to understand your constraints
Technical Audience:
Is the research feasible?
Management audience:
Is the research worth doing?
Are you the one to do the research?
audience
purpose
occasion
format
to persuade
politics
Michael Alley
College of Engineering
Virginia Tech
to gain approval
deadline
to secure funding
process
This discussion focuses on the approach and
organization of research proposals
Understanding the readers’ needs
is important in requested proposals
Question has arisen over whether
pollution is killing the fish in Fire Lake
Need
Criteria in RFP for
counting of fish:
Plan
Approach
Costs of count?
Organization
Schedule for count?
Qualifications of counter?
Effect of counting on
fish population?
Accuracy of count?
A proposal’s organization pivots on a need
and a plan to address that need
A proposal presents a statement of the need,
often called a problem statement
New methods are needed to detect
plastic explosives in airline baggage
Need for
Research
Plastic explosives pose
a serious threat to air travel
Plan to Address
Need
Statistics on the aircraft downed by
plastic explosives
Example aircraft downed by plastic
explosives (Pan Am Flight 103)
Conventional methods cannot
effectively detect plastic explosives
Problems that conventional x-rays
have detecting plastic explosives
Often this section is organized such that it ends
with the main assertion
Just after 7:00 in the evening, on December 21, 1988,
Pan Am Flight 103 disappeared from the radar screen. A
plastic explosive hidden in a suitcase in the cargo hold had
detonated. All 259 people on board as well as 11 residents
of Lockerbie, Scotland, where the plane fell, were killed…
The proposed plan presents your plan
for performing the research
Objectives
Plastic explosives pose
a serious threat to air travel
Plan
of
Action
Conventional methods cannot
effectively detect plastic explosives
Management
Plan
New methods are needed to detect
plastic explosives in airline baggage
The objectives section usually identifies what you
will do and what your assumptions are
Size of specific airport
not considered
Three methods:
x-ray backscatter system
nitrogen sniffer system
thermal neutron system
The plan of action shows
how the research will be performed
Methods not considered:
conventional x-rays
hand searches
dogs
Criteria for Comparison
Not considered:
detecting conventional
explosives
Criteria for evaluation:
accuracy of detection
cost (initial, maintenance)
speed
ease of use
Methods for Comparison
Cost
initial cost
maintenance cost
Survey of Literature
Ease of Operation
Survey of Users
Accuracy
percentage detected
false alarm rate
Speed
Experimental Test on 1000 bags:
Boston
San Francisco
The management plan shows why you
are the one to do the work
One strategy for writing proposals calls for creating
a graphic that shows the plan
Presentation Outline
• Introduction
• Background
• Pre-Combustion Methods
–coal switching
–coal cleaning
•Combustion Method
–atmospheric fluidized bed
• Post-Combustion Methods
–adsorption
–absorption
•Conclusions
• Questions?
Message delivered with
typical slide design
Assessment
of retention
Test audience
Comparison
Budget
This presentation evaluates composite
materials for the bipolar plates of fuel cells
Role of bipolar plates
in fuel cells
Schedule
Comparison of bipolar
plate materials
Comparison of bipolar
plate performance
Qualifications
In summary, although proposals are challenging
to write, the rewards can be well worth the effort
Need
Plan
Questions?
20
Same message delivered
with new slide design
Test audience
Assessment
of retention