Comfort Objects
Where is the love(y)?
The fierce, passionate attachment
children have to their lovies or
comfort objects is not a sign of
neediness, but security (hence the
term, security blanket). The object
provides the child with a means to
soothe him or herself. A lovey can
become a stand-in for a parent or
caregiver, and it functions as a
constant in a seemingly everchanging world.
Infants and toddlers first learn how
to soothe themselves with an
object, then translate that skill to
other behaviors without the object.
Comfort objects aren’t crutches
and will ultimately give way to
other kinds of coping as children
acquire language and social skills.
Even then, they will need to use a
comfort object from time to time.
Even as adults we have things that
we do and use as coping
mechanisms when times get tough.
We jiggle a foot, gaze at a family
photo and chew gum to help us
remain calm and focused.
Young children are very concrete
thinkers, and having an object they
can take into the world with them is
a physical reminder that they will
go “home” again, meaning both the
place and the people who live there.
Sometimes children choose comfort
objects based on touch: a silky
binding or fleecy fabric is soothing
to finger and stroke. Sometimes
smell is the most important factor,
which explains why children tend
to freak out when we wash their
lovies. Other times, children
associate an object with a favorite
experience. Some children don’t
need an object to cuddle, just a
favorite picture to look at.
Not all children will take a comfort
object. But for those who do, it’s
helpful if parents and caregivers
respect the attachment the child has
to the item as well as to value the
child’s ability to self regulate and
self soothe.
Group care can make for pretty
long days for our little ones.
Having free access to the things
that help them cope with social
negotiations and with sharing space
and caregivers with other children
makes their time at the center more
enjoyable and comfortable. Isn’t
this what we want for them? When
we allow a child free access to their
comfort items we are supporting
development of skills they need to
cope with difficult times today and
for any tough times ahead!
Lovey 911—Dealing with Disasters
Your child vomits/urinates/spills
something on his comfort object.
Give your child and the object a bath
together, or have him put it in the
washer and dryer. Offer a substitute,
“special occasion” lovey or other
privilege. (Procure a spare, pronto if
you haven’t already!)
Further reading
if they went missing, because with kids,
it’s all about them! If you have no luck,
work hard to find a suitable substitute.
 Knuffle Bunny
by Mo Willems
You and your child’s caregiver
disagree about how much your child
needs the item. Kids often have very
different needs at home and school. The
deciding factor should be what’s best
The comfort object disappears. Have for the child. Research supports the
your child help you look for it. Ask
development of self regulation through
around at places it might have been left use of comfort items and while at
behind, post signs in the neighborhood, Gretchen’s House teachers will give
whatever. Help your child feel
children free access to their lovies to
powerful, and reassure him or her that support this growing skill.
you would look long and hard for them
For reprint information, please contact: Gretchen’s House, Inc. 734.761.2576
 The Red Blanket
by Eliza Thomas
 Benny and the Binky
by Barbro Lindgren
 Binky and Blankie
both by Leslie Patricelli
♦
www.gretchenshouse.com
Ages and Stages — Appropriate Expectations
6—9 months: Some babies this young will show a
preference for a particular blanket or stuffed animal.
Objects that smell like parents or home are especially
comforting. If you see a preference, buy a duplicate!
12-18 months: Fingering a favorite blanket, sucking a
thumb or pacifier, or cuddling a beloved toy are healthy
ways for young children to soothe themselves when
upset, anxious, or tired.
18-36 months: Children want to feel “big” and powerful.
Many will phase out their comfort objects as they
acquire speech and other tools for getting their needs
met. Others will stay devoted to their comfort object.
Either coping skill is fine!
3-5 years: It’s perfectly normal for children to still feel
attachment to toys and blankets and want to include
them in their day (a tea party or naptime for example),
encourage your children to use their comfort item, but
also talk with you about things that may frustrate them.
You may see your child increase their use of a lovey
due to a family or life transition, allowing your children
to have free access to their comfort item can help them
through these challenging times. Spending time with a
teddy or blanket can help a child feel secure enough to
face the new challenge.
As children begin to out grow their need for things like
pacifiers or blankets we can encourage them to think
about places to keep these treasured items that will
allow them to be near and available, but not right with
them. Parents can help children create a special place
to keep their lovey safe at home. Sometimes, a corner of
a favorite blanket sewn into a coat sleeve or tucked in a
pocket can be a great help to a child who believes he or
she can’t live without it. We do our best to help children
keep track of these items, but it does become more
difficult as children become more independent and play
more places with more people.
Isn’t he a little old for that?
Sometimes people make judgmental remarks about
comfort objects that are well-intentioned, but other times
they’re just thinly-veiled insults. Although it’s easy to feel
criticized and defensive, it’s critical to remember that the
important person in the scenario is your child. If you have
considered his or her emotional needs and you believe the
blanket, pacifier, or stuffed animal is meeting those needs
without impeding other kinds of growth, you should let
this kind of remark go in one ear and out the other. It is
not a sign of immaturity or neediness to have a strong
attachment to a comfort object; rather, it can be a sign of
increased self-sufficiency. A child who can comfort him
or herself is in good shape to deal with the inevitable
bumps and disappointments of day-to-day life.
As for concerns about speech or tooth development no
worries! You can rest assured that the American Dental
Association states that pacifiers and thumbs do not have
any negative affect on tooth development until after the
age of 4. And noted speech pathologist Laura Mize says,
“I think it’s a myth that pacifiers prevent children from
talking. In nearly every child I’ve seen in my career, the
lack of language is the reason the kid isn’t talking, not
because he takes a pacifier.” Research supports this
correlative relationship as opposed to a causative one.
Frequently Asked Questions
I want my child’s lovey to go into cold storage, for
good. What’s the best way to do this? We understand
that it can be tiring to keep track of your child’s comfort
items and you may worry that the item may be impeding
their development in some way. Rest assured that as your
child grows and develops other ways of coping with
troubled times they will give up their lovey on their own.
If you find the comfort item abandoned on the floor you
can encourage your child to find a place to store the item
when it is not in use. You’ll find that soon enough the
item will spend more time in storage than with your child!
I want my child to have access to his/her comfort
object throughout the day. We agree! Sometimes
children need a comfort object less when they’re at the
center because there are other distractions and
attachments. Teachers may encourage a child that has set
a lovey aside to place the item safely away in their cubby
so it’s where they can find it when and if they need it. Of
course, sometimes a child feels a need to have a lovey
with them more at the center than at home. A new teacher
in the room or new children in your child’s group can
increase their need to self soothe and cope at school.
These abilities are lifelong skills that we believe strongly
in supporting and encouraging. We will never deprive a
child of the special item that helps the world be a better
happier place for your child!
© 2000 Gretchen’s House, Inc. No portion of this document may be reproduced without written permission.