the absurdist super hero the absurdist super hero

THE ABSURDIST SUPER HERO
FAIRY TALE
________________________
A one-act comedy by
Deanna Alisa Ableser
This script is for evaluation only. It may not be printed,
photocopied or distributed digitally under any circumstances.
Possession of this file does not grant the right to perform this
play or any portion of it, or to use it for classroom study.
www.youthplays.com
[email protected]
424-703-5315
The Absurdist Super Hero Fairy Tale © 2011 Deanna Alisa Ableser
All rights reserved. ISBN 978-1-62088-386-0.
Caution: This play is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of
America, Canada, the British Commonwealth and all other countries of the copyright union
and is subject to royalty for all performances including but not limited to professional,
amateur, charity and classroom whether admission is charged or presented free of charge.
Reservation of Rights: This play is the property of the author and all rights for its use are
strictly reserved and must be licensed by his representative, YouthPLAYS. This prohibition
of unauthorized professional and amateur stage presentations extends also to motion
pictures, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video and the
rights of adaptation or translation into non-English languages.
Performance Licensing and Royalty Payments: Amateur and stock performance rights are
administered exclusively by YouthPLAYS. No amateur, stock or educational theatre groups
or individuals may perform this play without securing authorization and royalty
arrangements in advance from YouthPLAYS. Required royalty fees for performing this
play are available online at www.YouthPLAYS.com. Royalty fees are subject to change
without notice. Required royalties must be paid each time this play is performed and may
not be transferred to any other performance entity. All licensing requests and inquiries
should be addressed to YouthPLAYS.
Author Credit: All groups or individuals receiving permission to produce this play must
give the author(s) credit in any and all advertisement and publicity relating to the
production of this play. The author’s billing must appear directly below the title on a
separate line with no other accompanying written matter. The name of the author(s) must
be at least 50% as large as the title of the play. No person or entity may receive larger or
more prominent credit than that which is given to the author(s) and the name of the
author(s) may not be abbreviated or otherwise altered from the form in which it appears in
this Play.
Publisher Attribution: All programs, advertisements, flyers or other printed material must
include the following notice:
Produced by special arrangement with YouthPLAYS (www.youthplays.com).
Prohibition of Unauthorized Copying: Any unauthorized copying of this book or excerpts
from this book, whether by photocopying, scanning, video recording or any other means, is
strictly prohibited by law. This book may only be copied by licensed productions with the
purchase of a photocopy license, or with explicit permission from YouthPLAYS.
Trade Marks, Public Figures & Musical Works: This play may contain references to brand
names or public figures. All references are intended only as parody or other legal means of
expression. This play may also contain suggestions for the performance of a musical work
(either in part or in whole). YouthPLAYS has not obtained performing rights of these works
unless explicitly noted. The direction of such works is only a playwright’s suggestion, and
the play producer should obtain such permissions on their own. The website for the U.S.
copyright office is http://www.copyright.gov.
COPYRIGHT RULES TO REMEMBER
1. To produce this play, you must receive prior written permission from
YouthPLAYS and pay the required royalty.
2. You must pay a royalty each time the play is performed in the
presence of audience members outside of the cast and crew. Royalties
are due whether or not admission is charged, whether or not the play is
presented for profit, for charity or for educational purposes, or whether
or not anyone associated with the production is being paid.
3. No changes, including cuts or additions, are permitted to the script
without written prior permission from YouthPLAYS.
4. Do not copy this book or any part of it without written permission
from YouthPLAYS.
5. Credit to the author and YouthPLAYS are required on all programs
and other promotional items associated with this play's performance.
When you pay royalties, you are recognizing the hard work that went
into creating the play and making a statement that a play is something
of value. We think this is important, and we hope that everyone will do
the right thing, thus allowing playwrights to generate income and
continue to create wonderful new works for the stage.
Plays are owned by the playwrights who wrote them. Violating a
playwright's copyright is a very serious matter and violates both United
States and international copyright law. Infringement is punishable by
actual damages and attorneys' fees, statutory damages of up to $150,000
per incident, and even possible criminal sanctions. Infringement is
theft. Don’t do it.
Have a question about copyright? Please contact us by email at
[email protected] or by phone at 424-703-5315. When in doubt,
please ask.
CAST OF CHARACTERS
BLANCHE, Brenda's younger, but much smarter, sister.
Female.
BOB, the classic hero. Very good looking. Has a beautiful
smile. Is incredibly muscular. Male.
BRENDA, Damsel's ditsy sidekick. Very pretty. Devoted to
Damsel. Female.
DAMSEL, the classic damsel in distress. Extremely focused on
her appearance. Very attractive. Female. Not the brightest
crayon in the box.
EDUARDO, the royal manicurist. Has a heavy accent. Very
overly dramatic. Male.
FIDO, the bartending, talking, fire-breathing dinosaur who
makes phenomenal mixed drinks. Very physical. Can be any
age. Male preferred, but can be female. Always dressed in
human clothes. Just wears dinosaur ears and scales and has
face slightly painted.
FIDO'S DAD, a nervous dad who just wants his wife to stop
yelling at him. Male. Always dressed in human clothes. Just
wears dinosaur ears and has face slightly painted. Minor part.
FIDO'S MOM, a neurotic, overworked mom. Female. Always
dressed in human clothes. Just wears Dinosaur ears and has
face slightly painted. Minor part.
NARRATOR, the original narrator of the story. Male.
UNDERSTUDY NARRATOR, the understudy narrator of the
story. He has narcolepsy. Male.
VALERIE, the evil villainess. Female.
VICTOR, the evil, but not quite competent, villain. Male.
The Absurdist Super Hero Fairy Tale
5
SCENE 1 - IN BASILTOWN
(The stage is bare with the exception of primary colored blocks
that can be arranged to fit the needs of each scene. They can be
used individually or together to create larger stage items and/or
pictures.)
(Lights rise as NARRATOR enters.)
NARRATOR: Once upon a time in a far off kingdom, there
lived a Hero...
(BOB jumps out and strikes a heroic pose. He freezes.)
...a Villain...
(VILLAIN jumps out and strikes a Villainous pose. He freezes.)
...a damsel in distress...
(DAMSEL comes on applying makeup. She freezes.)
...her slightly ditsy sidekick...
(BRENDA comes on dropping items all over floor. She freezes.)
...and an egotistical (but kinda cute:) fire-breathing pet
dinosaur, Fido.
(FIDO comes on and barks suggestively at Narrator.
freezes. Narrator cringes.)
Fido
Anyhoo, it was a semi normal day in Basiltown and our
motley crew was going about their daily business of mowing
lawns. (Aside:) It was a very slow time for super Heroes.
(All actors come to life and start moving around stage. Fido,
Villain, and Sidekick exit on opposite sides of the stage.
Narrator crouches and watches action.)
BOB: (To Damsel:) Excuse me, ma'am, I've come to mow your
lawn.
(Bob strikes Heroic pose and smiles.)
© Deanna Alisa Ableser
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
6
Deanna Alisa Ableser
DAMSEL: Why, thank you, kind sir. I'm housesitting and I
just don't know what to do with these awful wrangly weeds.
(Damsel poses faintly.)
BOB: No, problem, ma'am. That's what Heroes are good for.
(Bob starts mowing lawn while Damsel continues to beautify
herself. She saunters offstage still applying lipstick.)
NARRATOR: With a manly pose, the Hero used all of his
muscular strength to mow the lawn. However, little did he
know that the evil Villain had planted a time capsule
underneath the lawn that contained evil plans to destroy the
world.
(Villain runs onstage, utters Villainous laugh and slinks back
offstage.)
Our Hero was only mere moments away from discovering the
time capsule and helping foil the Villain's evil plan when Fido,
our friendly pet fire-breathing dinosaur, came out for his daily
stroll and digging of the grounds.
(Fido enters, sniffs around, does a little dance for the audience,
digs up the time capsule, snaps "coolly" at the audience and hops
off.)
Our manly Hero, Bob, prances over to the time capsule. He is
just about to open it when Fido reenters sipping a nonalcoholic martini.
FIDO: How's it hangin', man?
BOB: Excuse me?!!
FIDO: What's up? How's it going? Hola! Shalom!
BOB: I don't understand. Are you talking to me?
(Fido starts making a drink for Bob.)
© Deanna Alisa Ableser
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
The Absurdist Super Hero Fairy Tale
7
FIDO: Want a drink? It's my special concoction.
NARRATOR: Freeze!
(Narrator snaps. Bob and Fido freeze.)
Now, let me explain a bit about what's going on. Bob, our
illustrious Hero, isn't quite used to talking animals...especially
fire-breathing, talking dinosaurs who know how to serve nonalcoholic mixed drinks. Nevertheless, Bob decides it's time to
rediscover his long-standing, and perhaps unfounded, notions
about talking animals. Unfreeze!
(Narrator snaps. Bob and Fido unfreeze.)
BOB: Why, thank you very much, Fido. It's a hot day and I've
been quite exhausted mowing this overgrown lawn of weeds
and wonderfully tasty lollipop trees. But, if you don't mind
my asking, I was wondering, how does a pet dinosaur learn
how to talk and mix drinks?
FIDO: It's a long story, Bob...but...
(Time Warp. Lights flash on and off. Crazy Weird Instrumental
MUSIC. Everyone on stage dances backwards. Narrator always
finds some place to observe and comment on action. FIDO'S
MOM and FIDO'S DAD enter. They are both upright.)
FIDO'S MOM: Honey, I can't feed the baby. I'm late for my
tail-slamming club. Please make sure he gets fed. He gets
really cranky without his evening meal.
FIDO'S DAD: But, honey, I don't know how to...
(Fido's Mom blows fire and exits.)
Ummm...well...erghh...
(Fido's Dad grabs whatever he can find in the fridge that is
liquid and pours it all into a bottle.)
Here Kid. Drink up!
© Deanna Alisa Ableser
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
8
Deanna Alisa Ableser
FIDO: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
FIDO'S DAD: Come on, kid...you gotta drink something!
Your mom's gonna kill me if she comes home and you're not
fed. Whaddya want? Apple juice? Cranberry Juice??? Bagels
with lox????
NARRATOR: I forgot to add that Fido was a JEWISH talking
dinosaur. Proceed.
FIDO'S DAD: Look, Kid. I need your help. I'm gonna mix
together various items and you roar and tell me what works
and what doesn't.
(Fido's Dad and Fido mime pouring, tossing, and mixing
various drinks. Fido roars on occasion. Fido is finally happy
with the mixed drink and roars himself to sleep soundly. Fido's
Dad slumps down and starts rocking himself in a fetal position.
Time Warp back. Lights flash on and off. Weird MUSIC.
Everyone runs forward. Fido's Dad exits. He is still rocking
back and forth.)
FIDO: So, I developed my skills as a teenage bartender at an
early age. I worked at all the local hangouts and became
world renown in the small but dynamic world of talking, firebreathing, bartending dinosaurs.
BOB: Wow! That's quite remarkable! And you make such
wonderful non-alcoholic, yet delightfully tasty, drinks. I can't
believe we've never met before.
FIDO: Sad to say, I've worshipped you from afar.
BOB: Really?
FIDO: I've always wanted to be a sidekick to a Hero. When
you saved that little girl from the burning building, I watched
with tears in my eyes. When you rescued that little old lady
from the clutches of the evil nursing home, I roared in pride.
© Deanna Alisa Ableser
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
The Absurdist Super Hero Fairy Tale
9
When you stood up in Perky Park and danced that hula in a
pink tutu, I knew I had found my Hero to worship.
BOB: But you never...
FIDO: I couldn't.
BOB: But why?
FIDO: Dinosaur code. "Never speak to a human unless death
is imminent." But, I couldn't wait anymore. I knew my
mission was to be with you...to save the world from the evil
Villain's destructive plan. And now, we must work together
to save the world. Can I be your sidekick? Please? Pretty
please??? I'll let you pet my scales.
(Fido poses and smiles. He flexes his scales.)
BOB: Well, I've never had a sidekick before...
(Fido preens.)
FIDO: Nice shiny scales...
BOB: And I do tend to like to work alone...
(Fido starts flossing teeth.)
FIDO: Shimmering in the sun...
BOB: And I kinda like to take all of the credit for my Heroic
ventures...
(Fido breaks down sobbing hysterically.)
But, what the heck? A fire-breathing talking dinosaur that
makes phenomenal non-alcoholic mixed drinks?! You've got a
deal!
(Bob and Fido do a crazy handshake. Bob and Fido skip off
happily and trip over time capsule. They look at it, look at each
other, shrug, and continue skipping offstage. Lights fade.)
© Deanna Alisa Ableser
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
10
Deanna Alisa Ableser
SCENE 2 - STILL IN BASILTOWN
(Lights rise.)
NARRATOR: Now, under normal circumstances, a
bartending dinosaur skipping off with our illustrious Hero
and leaving the time capsule there would be really bad, but
under our circumstances here, things are about to get much
much worse than really, really bad. Enter our lovely Damsel,
her ditsy sidekick, Brenda, and Brenda's younger but much
smarter sister, Blanche.
(All three ladies enter and pose as Narrator gives them
characteristics. They come back to life as Damsel speaks.)
DAMSEL: Oh, woe is me. I just can't seem to find the right
kind of mascara to set off my most beautiful eyes. I've looked
everywhere and alas, I am extremely forlorn and distraught
over my most desperate circumstances.
(Brenda trips over time capsule. She picks it up.)
My dearest trusty sidekick, whatever do you have there?
(Damsel flits eyes and smiles and poses.)
Hand it over to me, my dearie. I profess to think it might be
something of extreme importance. It's silvery and shiny and
pretty and glowy and...
BLANCHE: Oh, please just hand it over!
(Brenda hands over the time capsule to Blanche. Blanche opens
the time capsule and a giant gasp escapes from the gals. The
time capsule has another time capsule inside that has another
time capsule inside and another time capsule inside and...
Finally, Blanche pulls out a piece of ratted paper.)
DAMSEL: Well, what is it? Brenda, read it to me please, while
fanning me and feeding me grapes.
© Deanna Alisa Ableser
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
The Absurdist Super Hero Fairy Tale
11
(Brenda grabs the grapes and fan out of her apron which
contains everything a good sidekick should have.)
BLANCHE: Evil plan to destroy the world...
Step 1: Buy a very big blanket
Step 2: Wrap yourself in blanket
NARRATOR: Just to interrupt yet again, we had a Villain
who had a very strong intolerance to cold weather. Continue.
BLANCHE: Step 3: Destroy the world.
BRENDA: Gasp!
BLANCHE: Gasp! Gasp!
DAMSEL: Has anyone seen my nail file?
broken a nail.
I seem to have
(Brenda and Blanche both snap at Damsel and she lets out a
belated "gasp.")
NARRATOR: Now, at this point in the action, I find it
necessary to point out that the evil Villain's plan to destroy the
world isn't exactly spelled out and our dearest darling ladies
are looking with odd confusion at the cryptic scribble
engraved on the inside of the time capsule.
BLANCHE: You're not exactly helping!
NARRATOR: Sorry. Proceed.
(Narrator crouches and rocks himself in a fetal position.)
DAMSEL: Whatever are we going to do? Oh me, oh my, Oh
me, oh my.
BRENDA AND DAMSEL: Oh me, oh my, oh me, oh my...
BLANCHE: All right, obviously, I'm the only one who has any
remote possibility of solving this problem. Ladies, huddle up.
© Deanna Alisa Ableser
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
12
Deanna Alisa Ableser
(All three ladies huddle up. They whisper and gasp. Fido comes
onstage, sniffs some flowers, looks oddly at them, and leaves.)
BLANCHE, BRENDA, AND DAMSEL: Break!
BLANCHE: So, are we all agreed?
BRENDA: Agreed.
DAMSEL: I concur most elegantly.
(Blanche, Brenda, and Damsel prance offstage in bad ballerina
form with time capsule. Villain enters. He also has a trusty
sidekick, VALERIE.)
VILLAIN: My evil plan for world destruction has been set into
action. Valerie, my voluptuous Villainess sidekick, the time
will come when you and I will rule the world and turn
everyone into mindless, agreeable robots. It has begun.
(Villain bellows Villainous laugh. Valerie glances at him with
extreme irritation.)
VALERIE: Ummm...excuse me, Mr. Villain...ummm...Victor.
I know you have this great idea in your head to destroy the
world, but you don't exactly have a really clear plan, you
know?
VICTOR: Clear plan??? Clear Plan??? CLEAR PLAN?????
(VICTOR starts coughing and choking. Valerie whacks him on
the back and he is okay.)
VICTOR: Sorry about that!
VALERIE: No problem. So, anyways, Victor, your clear plan?
How exactly do you plan on destroying the world?
VICTOR: Well, it's very simple...
VALERIE: So...
VICTOR: We just...
© Deanna Alisa Ableser
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
The Absurdist Super Hero Fairy Tale
13
VALERIE: Yes...
VICTOR: And then we...
VALERIE: I'm waiting...
VICTOR: But first I have to...
VALERIE: Uh huh...
VICTOR: Oh fiddlesticks! I'm a horribly incompetent Villain.
I don't have a plan at all. I don't even know to develop a plan.
I never even graduated nursery school. And I'm awfully cold!
(Valerie puts blanket around Victor and gently reassures him.)
Can you help me??? Please????
(Victor looks pathetically at Valerie. Valerie gives him the
"okay" look. Valerie snaps. Victor runs offstage with Valerie.
Lights fade.)
© Deanna Alisa Ableser
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
14
Deanna Alisa Ableser
SCENE 3 - WE STILL HAVEN'T LEFT BASILTOWN
(Lights rise. Bob, our Hero, and Fido, the bartending dinosaur,
reenter. They have both changed into Hawaiian shirts and are
wearing tutus.)
BOB: So, as I was saying, in ancient Hero tradition, the hula
really helps you get into that Hero mode. You know, you're
having a bad day. Ate some bad beans. The milk's gone sour.
Your favorite shirt has just been turned pink and shrunk?
(Fido nods in fraternal understanding.)
So, now we're ready. Get the time capsule. Open it up.
Discover the evil Villain's plan to destroy the world. Foil his
plan. Take Heroic credit. Bask in the glory that is me.
(Fido taps Bob aggressively on the leg.)
Sign autographs. Wave to our fans.
(Fido gnaws on Bob's leg.)
Take our press photos. Pose and Smile. Gleam.
(Fido blows fire on Bob's leg.)
(In a girly voice:) Ow. That was not very sidekickly nice. That
hurt.
(Fido points to missing time capsule.)
What? Where?
CAPSULE!
Who??
Egads??
I'VE LOST THE TIME
(PSYCHO MUSIC plays.)
(Kneeling in 'Stella' fashion:)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOO...
© Deanna Alisa Ableser
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
The Absurdist Super Hero Fairy Tale
15
(Fido looks at watch.)
...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOO
(Bob breaks down and sobs in fetal position. Fido looks at
Narrator and pleads for him to come over. Narrator looks at
Bob, pats him oddly, and slowly gets him to his feet.)
NARRATOR: There, there. Every now and then, every Hero
looses a time capsule. Why, in the last story I narrated, the
Hero lost two or three time capsules.
(BOB gives him the "death threat" look. The Narrator cringes
but continues.)
So, buck up there buddy. Get on that horse again. Ride like
the wind. Fly and soar. Reach new heights. Yada. Yada.
Yada. I'm taking a break. Understudy!
(Narrator takes a blanket, stuffed animal and pillow and sleeps
away from the action. UNDERSTUDY NARRATOR slinks
onstage and crouches opposite Narrator. Understudy Narrator
immediately yawns and falls sound asleep.)
FIDO: Non-alcoholic martini?
(Bob takes martini, pours it into baby bottle, starts sucking on it,
and paces back and forth.)
BOB: Well, any great ideas?
FIDO: Well, when I was off sniffing roses in the bright,
beautiful sunlight the other day, I seem to recall three oddly
strange ladies in a football huddle prancing off to their castle
with something that looked very much quite similar to our
time capsule.
© Deanna Alisa Ableser
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
16
Deanna Alisa Ableser
BOB: And I don't suppose that you thought of sharing that
information with me at any time? I mean, you are my
sidekick.
FIDO: It didn't seem exceedingly relevant at that exact
moment. I mean, my scales were starting to exhibit some
dandruff tendencies and I knew that if I did not get off to the
vet pretty darn quickly, some massive shedding was about to
take place. And...and...and...well, I just can't have that
happen. I've got my looks to think about.
(Fido poses and smiles.)
BOB: I'm so glad that your sidekickly allegiance meant that
much to you.
FIDO: I see, well, if my services are not up to your Hero-y
liking, I'm sorry. I've done my best. Tried as hard as I could.
Stopped my fire-breathing inside for you...and yet...
BOB: All right. All right. I'm sorry. (Very slowly and
placating:) Did you perhaps happen to possibly see what
direction they might have gone off to?
FIDO: I'm waiting...
BOB: Excuse me?!
FIDO: For...
BOB: For what???
FIDO: You know...
(Fido lifts ear up and gestures to it.)
BOB: Oh no.
FIDO: Please...
BOB: You can't be...
FIDO: Oh, I am...
© Deanna Alisa Ableser
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
The Absurdist Super Hero Fairy Tale
17
BOB: But, I've never...
FIDO: There's always a first time...If you want the directions
to the castle, I'll need a little ear scratching.
(Bob looks around to see if anyone is looking, lifts Fido's ear and
scratches it.)
Now, we're in business. To the castle, my dear Hero.
(Bob and Fido run offstage "Batman" style and head toward the
castle. Our Villain and Villainess reenter. SPY MUSIC plays
as they exit.)
VALERIE: So, Victor...this time capsule, since it didn't exactly
contain your evil plans to destroy the world, would you
kindly mind telling me exactly what it did contain?
VICTOR: You're not exactly gonna like this...
VALERIE: Okay...go ahead...
VICTOR: (Sheepishly:) It contained someone else's plan to
destroy the world.
VALERIE: Continue please. Exactly whose plan to destroy
the world???
VICTOR: Well, again, I said you're not gonna like this...
VALERIE: (Very placating:) Victor, I'm being as nice as I
can...whose plan to destroy the world was inside the time
capsule?
VICTOR: I kinda stole it from a movie.
VALERIE: What?!
VICTOR: I was in the movie theatre...at a very nice $3.00
matinee with yummy popcorn, and I happened to catch the
noon showing of that funny little alien movie...
VALERIE: (Overdramatic:) Not the one where they feed little
© Deanna Alisa Ableser
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
18
Deanna Alisa Ableser
poisoned pellets of popcorn to everyone on the planet and
they all choke slowly and die????
VICTOR: Well, I adapted it slightly.
VALERIE: How slightly?
VICTOR: I made it chocolate.
VALERIE: You made what chocolate?
VICTOR: The aliens feed the people little poisoned pellets of
chocolate and as it melts in their tiny little tummies, they
choke and die.
(Victor laughs evil laugh, which tapers into a whimper.)
VALERIE: (Ignoring his whimpering:) So, Victor, has any of this
evil plan actually been carried out?
VICTOR: Well, not exactly. But I did transfer the plan into
cryptic code and engrave it into the time capsule.
(Victor flashes a big grin and smiles at Valerie.)
VALERIE: Now, listen to me very carefully. We need to find
this time capsule, destroy your "stolen" plan to destroy the
world, create our own plan to destroy the world, secretly
encrypt it, re-engrave it into the time capsule, and then do it.
For God's sake, Victor, we're Villains, not movie pirates.
We've got to be creative in our destruction.
(Victor flashes the same big grin and smiles at Valerie.)
That's very nice, dear. Now, do you happen to remember
where you put the time capsule?
(Victor points to where time capsule was before being dug up.
Valerie notices big hole.)
Victor, darling, you're not going to be very thrilled about this
latest development.
© Deanna Alisa Ableser
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
The Absurdist Super Hero Fairy Tale
19
(Victor notices big hole and goes over and hides with Narrator.
Narrator is snoring loudly. Victor pulls blanket over his head.
He looks at Narrator, looks back at hole, starts sobbing
hysterically, and runs offstage.)
(Tapping Understudy Narrator to wake him up:) I told him he
wasn't gonna be thrilled. Mr. Understudy Narrator, wanna
take a little trip?
(Understudy Narrator yawns, stretches, shrugs shoulders and
walks off with Valerie. Lights fade.)
© Deanna Alisa Ableser
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
20
Deanna Alisa Ableser
SCENE 4 - AT THE CASTLE
(Lights rise.)
DAMSEL: Oh me, oh my, oh me, oh my...
BLANCHE: Do you ever stop saying that?
DAMSEL: So sorry. Anyhoo, anyone up for some manicures
and pedicures?
BRENDA: (Feverishly raising her hand and jumping up and
down:) Ohhhh...pick me! Pick me! Pick me!
DAMSEL: Okay...so I've gotta pretty pastel pink, glamorous
glorious green, yummy yogurty yellow, and my personal
favorite...ravishing revolting red.
BLANCHE: Excuse me. I don't mean to interrupt your most
tremendously exciting nail polishing session, but aren't you at
the least bit curious about that cryptic message engraved in
the time capsule?
DAMSEL: You mean that silvery shiny thing? I'd almost
forgotten about that. Do you think they make nail polish to
match it?
BLANCHE: You really can't be that superficial, can you?
DAMSEL: (Tilting her head and brushing her hair:) Well...
BLANCHE: Never mind. So, any desire to actually attempt to
solve the code? I mean, we did dig it up, carry it all the way to
the castle, polish the outside of it...
DAMSEL: But it looks so pretty and shiny and glowy...
BLANCHE: That's just dandy and spiffy there, oh Damsel in
Distress. But time capsules usually have something of
importance inside. I have a slight inkling that cryptic message
just might be worth decoding.
© Deanna Alisa Ableser
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
The Absurdist Super Hero Fairy Tale
21
DAMSEL: Fine. Brenda and I will be going to the Royal
Manicurist. If you're so into that most exciting time capsule
and want to waste your time and not be painting your
precious peds, then you just go ahead. Brenda, we must go
now...before it's too late.
(Brenda and Damsel exit 'diva style' to ROYAL
MANICURIST, EDUARDO. Blanche goes over the time
capsule and places it on the table. Blanche opens the time
capsule and furiously starts scribbling stuff down on paper.)
BLANCHE: Aliens coming to earth...feeding little poisoned
pellets of chocolate to the humans...melting in their little
tummies. This is so not good.
(Blanche looks over and sees Narrator still sleeping in fetal
position. Blanche taps on Narrator's shoulders and wakes him
up.)
Ummm...excuse me, Mr. Narrator, I know you've kinda had a
little nervous breakdown and needed to take a break...but I'm
a little unsure about what to do next and I figured, well, here's
a Narrator, lying there, sleeping on the edge of a stage, and
well...he just might know what to do next...soo...
(Narrator continues rocking himself. Blanche kneels down next
to Narrator.)
Please Mr. Narrator... I'm sorta out of help here. Damsel's off
getting her famous manicure and pedicure from Eduardo with
my most delightfully bright sister, Brenda and I'm all
alone...stuck with an evil plan...and no dialogue pages left.
You're my only hope.
NARRATOR: (Slowly stops rocking:) Really?
BLANCHE: Yup.
NARRATOR: You're totally serious?
© Deanna Alisa Ableser
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
22
Deanna Alisa Ableser
BLANCHE: Do I look like I'm joking?
NARRATOR: I've never been an only hope before. That's
kinda cool.
BLANCHE: So...
NARRATOR: I'll do it. Hand me the paper.
(Narrator feverishly scribbles and scribbles while Blanche is
mopping his brow.)
(Very proudly:) Finished!
(He hands papers to Blanche.)
(Very shyly:) So, whatcha think?
BLANCHE: Still reading it...but not bad...not bad at all. You
up to join me in this adventure? Narrating, writing, a little bit
of acting too????
NARRATOR: Well???? If you can convince me a bit...a little
hourly salary, perhaps?
(Blanche looks idiotically at Narrator.)
Never mind. I'll go. As long as I can wear my special purple
and pink sweater.
BLANCHE: Fine. Can we go now?
NARRATOR: We're off.
(Narrator rolls off stage, humming spy tunes. Blanche looks at
audience, shrugs, and walks off after him. Lights fade.)
© Deanna Alisa Ableser
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
The Absurdist Super Hero Fairy Tale
23
SCENE 5 - AT THE CASTLE
(Lights rise. Damsel and Brenda are sitting in very fancy chairs.
Eduardo is kneeling in between both of them.)
DAMSEL: So, Eduardo...the crucial question of the day is...do
I get the extra pretty pink flowers on top of the ravishing
revolting red or do I go with the yellow flowers? Think
carefully Eduardo...if I make the wrong choice, it very possibly
could destroy humanity.
EDUARDO: Well, I personally happen to prefer the yellow
flowers, but having the destruction of humanity lying in the
balance, I'm not quite sure. Perhaps we could do pink flowers
on one hand and the yellow flowers on the other?
DAMSEL: (Gushing:) Oh, Eduardo! You're so super smart.
My life view has totally been changed. Now, I know why you
are the only really royal manicurist in the kingdom. Proceed,
my dearest Eddie.
(There is a big knock at the castle door.)
(Panicking:) Whatever could that be? I heard a strange
noise...almost like a weird knocking sound...a knocking on
wood...oh, I'm so confused. Brenda, whatever could that most
terrifying noise be?
BRENDA: Well...it sounded like a strange knocking...on wood
perhaps...but maybe it was metal...then again...
DAMSEL: (Chewing her nails:) I'm so scared. What if the castle
is being attacked by mutant sea otters who want to eat me? I
can just see it now...gnawing down the castle doors, grabbing
me with their little grubby paws...
Want to read the entire script? Order a perusal
copy today!
© Deanna Alisa Ableser
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.