THE ABSURDIST SUPER HERO FAIRY TALE ________________________ A one-act comedy by Deanna Alisa Ableser This script is for evaluation only. It may not be printed, photocopied or distributed digitally under any circumstances. Possession of this file does not grant the right to perform this play or any portion of it, or to use it for classroom study. www.youthplays.com [email protected] 424-703-5315 The Absurdist Super Hero Fairy Tale © 2011 Deanna Alisa Ableser All rights reserved. ISBN 978-1-62088-386-0. Caution: This play is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, Canada, the British Commonwealth and all other countries of the copyright union and is subject to royalty for all performances including but not limited to professional, amateur, charity and classroom whether admission is charged or presented free of charge. 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We think this is important, and we hope that everyone will do the right thing, thus allowing playwrights to generate income and continue to create wonderful new works for the stage. Plays are owned by the playwrights who wrote them. Violating a playwright's copyright is a very serious matter and violates both United States and international copyright law. Infringement is punishable by actual damages and attorneys' fees, statutory damages of up to $150,000 per incident, and even possible criminal sanctions. Infringement is theft. Don’t do it. Have a question about copyright? Please contact us by email at [email protected] or by phone at 424-703-5315. When in doubt, please ask. CAST OF CHARACTERS BLANCHE, Brenda's younger, but much smarter, sister. Female. BOB, the classic hero. Very good looking. Has a beautiful smile. Is incredibly muscular. Male. BRENDA, Damsel's ditsy sidekick. Very pretty. Devoted to Damsel. Female. DAMSEL, the classic damsel in distress. Extremely focused on her appearance. Very attractive. Female. Not the brightest crayon in the box. EDUARDO, the royal manicurist. Has a heavy accent. Very overly dramatic. Male. FIDO, the bartending, talking, fire-breathing dinosaur who makes phenomenal mixed drinks. Very physical. Can be any age. Male preferred, but can be female. Always dressed in human clothes. Just wears dinosaur ears and scales and has face slightly painted. FIDO'S DAD, a nervous dad who just wants his wife to stop yelling at him. Male. Always dressed in human clothes. Just wears dinosaur ears and has face slightly painted. Minor part. FIDO'S MOM, a neurotic, overworked mom. Female. Always dressed in human clothes. Just wears Dinosaur ears and has face slightly painted. Minor part. NARRATOR, the original narrator of the story. Male. UNDERSTUDY NARRATOR, the understudy narrator of the story. He has narcolepsy. Male. VALERIE, the evil villainess. Female. VICTOR, the evil, but not quite competent, villain. Male. The Absurdist Super Hero Fairy Tale 5 SCENE 1 - IN BASILTOWN (The stage is bare with the exception of primary colored blocks that can be arranged to fit the needs of each scene. They can be used individually or together to create larger stage items and/or pictures.) (Lights rise as NARRATOR enters.) NARRATOR: Once upon a time in a far off kingdom, there lived a Hero... (BOB jumps out and strikes a heroic pose. He freezes.) ...a Villain... (VILLAIN jumps out and strikes a Villainous pose. He freezes.) ...a damsel in distress... (DAMSEL comes on applying makeup. She freezes.) ...her slightly ditsy sidekick... (BRENDA comes on dropping items all over floor. She freezes.) ...and an egotistical (but kinda cute:) fire-breathing pet dinosaur, Fido. (FIDO comes on and barks suggestively at Narrator. freezes. Narrator cringes.) Fido Anyhoo, it was a semi normal day in Basiltown and our motley crew was going about their daily business of mowing lawns. (Aside:) It was a very slow time for super Heroes. (All actors come to life and start moving around stage. Fido, Villain, and Sidekick exit on opposite sides of the stage. Narrator crouches and watches action.) BOB: (To Damsel:) Excuse me, ma'am, I've come to mow your lawn. (Bob strikes Heroic pose and smiles.) © Deanna Alisa Ableser This is a perusal copy only. Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted. 6 Deanna Alisa Ableser DAMSEL: Why, thank you, kind sir. I'm housesitting and I just don't know what to do with these awful wrangly weeds. (Damsel poses faintly.) BOB: No, problem, ma'am. That's what Heroes are good for. (Bob starts mowing lawn while Damsel continues to beautify herself. She saunters offstage still applying lipstick.) NARRATOR: With a manly pose, the Hero used all of his muscular strength to mow the lawn. However, little did he know that the evil Villain had planted a time capsule underneath the lawn that contained evil plans to destroy the world. (Villain runs onstage, utters Villainous laugh and slinks back offstage.) Our Hero was only mere moments away from discovering the time capsule and helping foil the Villain's evil plan when Fido, our friendly pet fire-breathing dinosaur, came out for his daily stroll and digging of the grounds. (Fido enters, sniffs around, does a little dance for the audience, digs up the time capsule, snaps "coolly" at the audience and hops off.) Our manly Hero, Bob, prances over to the time capsule. He is just about to open it when Fido reenters sipping a nonalcoholic martini. FIDO: How's it hangin', man? BOB: Excuse me?!! FIDO: What's up? How's it going? Hola! Shalom! BOB: I don't understand. Are you talking to me? (Fido starts making a drink for Bob.) © Deanna Alisa Ableser This is a perusal copy only. Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted. The Absurdist Super Hero Fairy Tale 7 FIDO: Want a drink? It's my special concoction. NARRATOR: Freeze! (Narrator snaps. Bob and Fido freeze.) Now, let me explain a bit about what's going on. Bob, our illustrious Hero, isn't quite used to talking animals...especially fire-breathing, talking dinosaurs who know how to serve nonalcoholic mixed drinks. Nevertheless, Bob decides it's time to rediscover his long-standing, and perhaps unfounded, notions about talking animals. Unfreeze! (Narrator snaps. Bob and Fido unfreeze.) BOB: Why, thank you very much, Fido. It's a hot day and I've been quite exhausted mowing this overgrown lawn of weeds and wonderfully tasty lollipop trees. But, if you don't mind my asking, I was wondering, how does a pet dinosaur learn how to talk and mix drinks? FIDO: It's a long story, Bob...but... (Time Warp. Lights flash on and off. Crazy Weird Instrumental MUSIC. Everyone on stage dances backwards. Narrator always finds some place to observe and comment on action. FIDO'S MOM and FIDO'S DAD enter. They are both upright.) FIDO'S MOM: Honey, I can't feed the baby. I'm late for my tail-slamming club. Please make sure he gets fed. He gets really cranky without his evening meal. FIDO'S DAD: But, honey, I don't know how to... (Fido's Mom blows fire and exits.) Ummm...well...erghh... (Fido's Dad grabs whatever he can find in the fridge that is liquid and pours it all into a bottle.) Here Kid. Drink up! © Deanna Alisa Ableser This is a perusal copy only. Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted. 8 Deanna Alisa Ableser FIDO: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! FIDO'S DAD: Come on, kid...you gotta drink something! Your mom's gonna kill me if she comes home and you're not fed. Whaddya want? Apple juice? Cranberry Juice??? Bagels with lox???? NARRATOR: I forgot to add that Fido was a JEWISH talking dinosaur. Proceed. FIDO'S DAD: Look, Kid. I need your help. I'm gonna mix together various items and you roar and tell me what works and what doesn't. (Fido's Dad and Fido mime pouring, tossing, and mixing various drinks. Fido roars on occasion. Fido is finally happy with the mixed drink and roars himself to sleep soundly. Fido's Dad slumps down and starts rocking himself in a fetal position. Time Warp back. Lights flash on and off. Weird MUSIC. Everyone runs forward. Fido's Dad exits. He is still rocking back and forth.) FIDO: So, I developed my skills as a teenage bartender at an early age. I worked at all the local hangouts and became world renown in the small but dynamic world of talking, firebreathing, bartending dinosaurs. BOB: Wow! That's quite remarkable! And you make such wonderful non-alcoholic, yet delightfully tasty, drinks. I can't believe we've never met before. FIDO: Sad to say, I've worshipped you from afar. BOB: Really? FIDO: I've always wanted to be a sidekick to a Hero. When you saved that little girl from the burning building, I watched with tears in my eyes. When you rescued that little old lady from the clutches of the evil nursing home, I roared in pride. © Deanna Alisa Ableser This is a perusal copy only. Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted. The Absurdist Super Hero Fairy Tale 9 When you stood up in Perky Park and danced that hula in a pink tutu, I knew I had found my Hero to worship. BOB: But you never... FIDO: I couldn't. BOB: But why? FIDO: Dinosaur code. "Never speak to a human unless death is imminent." But, I couldn't wait anymore. I knew my mission was to be with you...to save the world from the evil Villain's destructive plan. And now, we must work together to save the world. Can I be your sidekick? Please? Pretty please??? I'll let you pet my scales. (Fido poses and smiles. He flexes his scales.) BOB: Well, I've never had a sidekick before... (Fido preens.) FIDO: Nice shiny scales... BOB: And I do tend to like to work alone... (Fido starts flossing teeth.) FIDO: Shimmering in the sun... BOB: And I kinda like to take all of the credit for my Heroic ventures... (Fido breaks down sobbing hysterically.) But, what the heck? A fire-breathing talking dinosaur that makes phenomenal non-alcoholic mixed drinks?! You've got a deal! (Bob and Fido do a crazy handshake. Bob and Fido skip off happily and trip over time capsule. They look at it, look at each other, shrug, and continue skipping offstage. Lights fade.) © Deanna Alisa Ableser This is a perusal copy only. Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted. 10 Deanna Alisa Ableser SCENE 2 - STILL IN BASILTOWN (Lights rise.) NARRATOR: Now, under normal circumstances, a bartending dinosaur skipping off with our illustrious Hero and leaving the time capsule there would be really bad, but under our circumstances here, things are about to get much much worse than really, really bad. Enter our lovely Damsel, her ditsy sidekick, Brenda, and Brenda's younger but much smarter sister, Blanche. (All three ladies enter and pose as Narrator gives them characteristics. They come back to life as Damsel speaks.) DAMSEL: Oh, woe is me. I just can't seem to find the right kind of mascara to set off my most beautiful eyes. I've looked everywhere and alas, I am extremely forlorn and distraught over my most desperate circumstances. (Brenda trips over time capsule. She picks it up.) My dearest trusty sidekick, whatever do you have there? (Damsel flits eyes and smiles and poses.) Hand it over to me, my dearie. I profess to think it might be something of extreme importance. It's silvery and shiny and pretty and glowy and... BLANCHE: Oh, please just hand it over! (Brenda hands over the time capsule to Blanche. Blanche opens the time capsule and a giant gasp escapes from the gals. The time capsule has another time capsule inside that has another time capsule inside and another time capsule inside and... Finally, Blanche pulls out a piece of ratted paper.) DAMSEL: Well, what is it? Brenda, read it to me please, while fanning me and feeding me grapes. © Deanna Alisa Ableser This is a perusal copy only. Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted. The Absurdist Super Hero Fairy Tale 11 (Brenda grabs the grapes and fan out of her apron which contains everything a good sidekick should have.) BLANCHE: Evil plan to destroy the world... Step 1: Buy a very big blanket Step 2: Wrap yourself in blanket NARRATOR: Just to interrupt yet again, we had a Villain who had a very strong intolerance to cold weather. Continue. BLANCHE: Step 3: Destroy the world. BRENDA: Gasp! BLANCHE: Gasp! Gasp! DAMSEL: Has anyone seen my nail file? broken a nail. I seem to have (Brenda and Blanche both snap at Damsel and she lets out a belated "gasp.") NARRATOR: Now, at this point in the action, I find it necessary to point out that the evil Villain's plan to destroy the world isn't exactly spelled out and our dearest darling ladies are looking with odd confusion at the cryptic scribble engraved on the inside of the time capsule. BLANCHE: You're not exactly helping! NARRATOR: Sorry. Proceed. (Narrator crouches and rocks himself in a fetal position.) DAMSEL: Whatever are we going to do? Oh me, oh my, Oh me, oh my. BRENDA AND DAMSEL: Oh me, oh my, oh me, oh my... BLANCHE: All right, obviously, I'm the only one who has any remote possibility of solving this problem. Ladies, huddle up. © Deanna Alisa Ableser This is a perusal copy only. Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted. 12 Deanna Alisa Ableser (All three ladies huddle up. They whisper and gasp. Fido comes onstage, sniffs some flowers, looks oddly at them, and leaves.) BLANCHE, BRENDA, AND DAMSEL: Break! BLANCHE: So, are we all agreed? BRENDA: Agreed. DAMSEL: I concur most elegantly. (Blanche, Brenda, and Damsel prance offstage in bad ballerina form with time capsule. Villain enters. He also has a trusty sidekick, VALERIE.) VILLAIN: My evil plan for world destruction has been set into action. Valerie, my voluptuous Villainess sidekick, the time will come when you and I will rule the world and turn everyone into mindless, agreeable robots. It has begun. (Villain bellows Villainous laugh. Valerie glances at him with extreme irritation.) VALERIE: Ummm...excuse me, Mr. Villain...ummm...Victor. I know you have this great idea in your head to destroy the world, but you don't exactly have a really clear plan, you know? VICTOR: Clear plan??? Clear Plan??? CLEAR PLAN????? (VICTOR starts coughing and choking. Valerie whacks him on the back and he is okay.) VICTOR: Sorry about that! VALERIE: No problem. So, anyways, Victor, your clear plan? How exactly do you plan on destroying the world? VICTOR: Well, it's very simple... VALERIE: So... VICTOR: We just... © Deanna Alisa Ableser This is a perusal copy only. Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted. The Absurdist Super Hero Fairy Tale 13 VALERIE: Yes... VICTOR: And then we... VALERIE: I'm waiting... VICTOR: But first I have to... VALERIE: Uh huh... VICTOR: Oh fiddlesticks! I'm a horribly incompetent Villain. I don't have a plan at all. I don't even know to develop a plan. I never even graduated nursery school. And I'm awfully cold! (Valerie puts blanket around Victor and gently reassures him.) Can you help me??? Please???? (Victor looks pathetically at Valerie. Valerie gives him the "okay" look. Valerie snaps. Victor runs offstage with Valerie. Lights fade.) © Deanna Alisa Ableser This is a perusal copy only. Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted. 14 Deanna Alisa Ableser SCENE 3 - WE STILL HAVEN'T LEFT BASILTOWN (Lights rise. Bob, our Hero, and Fido, the bartending dinosaur, reenter. They have both changed into Hawaiian shirts and are wearing tutus.) BOB: So, as I was saying, in ancient Hero tradition, the hula really helps you get into that Hero mode. You know, you're having a bad day. Ate some bad beans. The milk's gone sour. Your favorite shirt has just been turned pink and shrunk? (Fido nods in fraternal understanding.) So, now we're ready. Get the time capsule. Open it up. Discover the evil Villain's plan to destroy the world. Foil his plan. Take Heroic credit. Bask in the glory that is me. (Fido taps Bob aggressively on the leg.) Sign autographs. Wave to our fans. (Fido gnaws on Bob's leg.) Take our press photos. Pose and Smile. Gleam. (Fido blows fire on Bob's leg.) (In a girly voice:) Ow. That was not very sidekickly nice. That hurt. (Fido points to missing time capsule.) What? Where? CAPSULE! Who?? Egads?? I'VE LOST THE TIME (PSYCHO MUSIC plays.) (Kneeling in 'Stella' fashion:) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOO... © Deanna Alisa Ableser This is a perusal copy only. Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted. The Absurdist Super Hero Fairy Tale 15 (Fido looks at watch.) ...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOO (Bob breaks down and sobs in fetal position. Fido looks at Narrator and pleads for him to come over. Narrator looks at Bob, pats him oddly, and slowly gets him to his feet.) NARRATOR: There, there. Every now and then, every Hero looses a time capsule. Why, in the last story I narrated, the Hero lost two or three time capsules. (BOB gives him the "death threat" look. The Narrator cringes but continues.) So, buck up there buddy. Get on that horse again. Ride like the wind. Fly and soar. Reach new heights. Yada. Yada. Yada. I'm taking a break. Understudy! (Narrator takes a blanket, stuffed animal and pillow and sleeps away from the action. UNDERSTUDY NARRATOR slinks onstage and crouches opposite Narrator. Understudy Narrator immediately yawns and falls sound asleep.) FIDO: Non-alcoholic martini? (Bob takes martini, pours it into baby bottle, starts sucking on it, and paces back and forth.) BOB: Well, any great ideas? FIDO: Well, when I was off sniffing roses in the bright, beautiful sunlight the other day, I seem to recall three oddly strange ladies in a football huddle prancing off to their castle with something that looked very much quite similar to our time capsule. © Deanna Alisa Ableser This is a perusal copy only. Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted. 16 Deanna Alisa Ableser BOB: And I don't suppose that you thought of sharing that information with me at any time? I mean, you are my sidekick. FIDO: It didn't seem exceedingly relevant at that exact moment. I mean, my scales were starting to exhibit some dandruff tendencies and I knew that if I did not get off to the vet pretty darn quickly, some massive shedding was about to take place. And...and...and...well, I just can't have that happen. I've got my looks to think about. (Fido poses and smiles.) BOB: I'm so glad that your sidekickly allegiance meant that much to you. FIDO: I see, well, if my services are not up to your Hero-y liking, I'm sorry. I've done my best. Tried as hard as I could. Stopped my fire-breathing inside for you...and yet... BOB: All right. All right. I'm sorry. (Very slowly and placating:) Did you perhaps happen to possibly see what direction they might have gone off to? FIDO: I'm waiting... BOB: Excuse me?! FIDO: For... BOB: For what??? FIDO: You know... (Fido lifts ear up and gestures to it.) BOB: Oh no. FIDO: Please... BOB: You can't be... FIDO: Oh, I am... © Deanna Alisa Ableser This is a perusal copy only. Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted. The Absurdist Super Hero Fairy Tale 17 BOB: But, I've never... FIDO: There's always a first time...If you want the directions to the castle, I'll need a little ear scratching. (Bob looks around to see if anyone is looking, lifts Fido's ear and scratches it.) Now, we're in business. To the castle, my dear Hero. (Bob and Fido run offstage "Batman" style and head toward the castle. Our Villain and Villainess reenter. SPY MUSIC plays as they exit.) VALERIE: So, Victor...this time capsule, since it didn't exactly contain your evil plans to destroy the world, would you kindly mind telling me exactly what it did contain? VICTOR: You're not exactly gonna like this... VALERIE: Okay...go ahead... VICTOR: (Sheepishly:) It contained someone else's plan to destroy the world. VALERIE: Continue please. Exactly whose plan to destroy the world??? VICTOR: Well, again, I said you're not gonna like this... VALERIE: (Very placating:) Victor, I'm being as nice as I can...whose plan to destroy the world was inside the time capsule? VICTOR: I kinda stole it from a movie. VALERIE: What?! VICTOR: I was in the movie theatre...at a very nice $3.00 matinee with yummy popcorn, and I happened to catch the noon showing of that funny little alien movie... VALERIE: (Overdramatic:) Not the one where they feed little © Deanna Alisa Ableser This is a perusal copy only. Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted. 18 Deanna Alisa Ableser poisoned pellets of popcorn to everyone on the planet and they all choke slowly and die???? VICTOR: Well, I adapted it slightly. VALERIE: How slightly? VICTOR: I made it chocolate. VALERIE: You made what chocolate? VICTOR: The aliens feed the people little poisoned pellets of chocolate and as it melts in their tiny little tummies, they choke and die. (Victor laughs evil laugh, which tapers into a whimper.) VALERIE: (Ignoring his whimpering:) So, Victor, has any of this evil plan actually been carried out? VICTOR: Well, not exactly. But I did transfer the plan into cryptic code and engrave it into the time capsule. (Victor flashes a big grin and smiles at Valerie.) VALERIE: Now, listen to me very carefully. We need to find this time capsule, destroy your "stolen" plan to destroy the world, create our own plan to destroy the world, secretly encrypt it, re-engrave it into the time capsule, and then do it. For God's sake, Victor, we're Villains, not movie pirates. We've got to be creative in our destruction. (Victor flashes the same big grin and smiles at Valerie.) That's very nice, dear. Now, do you happen to remember where you put the time capsule? (Victor points to where time capsule was before being dug up. Valerie notices big hole.) Victor, darling, you're not going to be very thrilled about this latest development. © Deanna Alisa Ableser This is a perusal copy only. Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted. The Absurdist Super Hero Fairy Tale 19 (Victor notices big hole and goes over and hides with Narrator. Narrator is snoring loudly. Victor pulls blanket over his head. He looks at Narrator, looks back at hole, starts sobbing hysterically, and runs offstage.) (Tapping Understudy Narrator to wake him up:) I told him he wasn't gonna be thrilled. Mr. Understudy Narrator, wanna take a little trip? (Understudy Narrator yawns, stretches, shrugs shoulders and walks off with Valerie. Lights fade.) © Deanna Alisa Ableser This is a perusal copy only. Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted. 20 Deanna Alisa Ableser SCENE 4 - AT THE CASTLE (Lights rise.) DAMSEL: Oh me, oh my, oh me, oh my... BLANCHE: Do you ever stop saying that? DAMSEL: So sorry. Anyhoo, anyone up for some manicures and pedicures? BRENDA: (Feverishly raising her hand and jumping up and down:) Ohhhh...pick me! Pick me! Pick me! DAMSEL: Okay...so I've gotta pretty pastel pink, glamorous glorious green, yummy yogurty yellow, and my personal favorite...ravishing revolting red. BLANCHE: Excuse me. I don't mean to interrupt your most tremendously exciting nail polishing session, but aren't you at the least bit curious about that cryptic message engraved in the time capsule? DAMSEL: You mean that silvery shiny thing? I'd almost forgotten about that. Do you think they make nail polish to match it? BLANCHE: You really can't be that superficial, can you? DAMSEL: (Tilting her head and brushing her hair:) Well... BLANCHE: Never mind. So, any desire to actually attempt to solve the code? I mean, we did dig it up, carry it all the way to the castle, polish the outside of it... DAMSEL: But it looks so pretty and shiny and glowy... BLANCHE: That's just dandy and spiffy there, oh Damsel in Distress. But time capsules usually have something of importance inside. I have a slight inkling that cryptic message just might be worth decoding. © Deanna Alisa Ableser This is a perusal copy only. Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted. The Absurdist Super Hero Fairy Tale 21 DAMSEL: Fine. Brenda and I will be going to the Royal Manicurist. If you're so into that most exciting time capsule and want to waste your time and not be painting your precious peds, then you just go ahead. Brenda, we must go now...before it's too late. (Brenda and Damsel exit 'diva style' to ROYAL MANICURIST, EDUARDO. Blanche goes over the time capsule and places it on the table. Blanche opens the time capsule and furiously starts scribbling stuff down on paper.) BLANCHE: Aliens coming to earth...feeding little poisoned pellets of chocolate to the humans...melting in their little tummies. This is so not good. (Blanche looks over and sees Narrator still sleeping in fetal position. Blanche taps on Narrator's shoulders and wakes him up.) Ummm...excuse me, Mr. Narrator, I know you've kinda had a little nervous breakdown and needed to take a break...but I'm a little unsure about what to do next and I figured, well, here's a Narrator, lying there, sleeping on the edge of a stage, and well...he just might know what to do next...soo... (Narrator continues rocking himself. Blanche kneels down next to Narrator.) Please Mr. Narrator... I'm sorta out of help here. Damsel's off getting her famous manicure and pedicure from Eduardo with my most delightfully bright sister, Brenda and I'm all alone...stuck with an evil plan...and no dialogue pages left. You're my only hope. NARRATOR: (Slowly stops rocking:) Really? BLANCHE: Yup. NARRATOR: You're totally serious? © Deanna Alisa Ableser This is a perusal copy only. Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted. 22 Deanna Alisa Ableser BLANCHE: Do I look like I'm joking? NARRATOR: I've never been an only hope before. That's kinda cool. BLANCHE: So... NARRATOR: I'll do it. Hand me the paper. (Narrator feverishly scribbles and scribbles while Blanche is mopping his brow.) (Very proudly:) Finished! (He hands papers to Blanche.) (Very shyly:) So, whatcha think? BLANCHE: Still reading it...but not bad...not bad at all. You up to join me in this adventure? Narrating, writing, a little bit of acting too???? NARRATOR: Well???? If you can convince me a bit...a little hourly salary, perhaps? (Blanche looks idiotically at Narrator.) Never mind. I'll go. As long as I can wear my special purple and pink sweater. BLANCHE: Fine. Can we go now? NARRATOR: We're off. (Narrator rolls off stage, humming spy tunes. Blanche looks at audience, shrugs, and walks off after him. Lights fade.) © Deanna Alisa Ableser This is a perusal copy only. Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted. The Absurdist Super Hero Fairy Tale 23 SCENE 5 - AT THE CASTLE (Lights rise. Damsel and Brenda are sitting in very fancy chairs. Eduardo is kneeling in between both of them.) DAMSEL: So, Eduardo...the crucial question of the day is...do I get the extra pretty pink flowers on top of the ravishing revolting red or do I go with the yellow flowers? Think carefully Eduardo...if I make the wrong choice, it very possibly could destroy humanity. EDUARDO: Well, I personally happen to prefer the yellow flowers, but having the destruction of humanity lying in the balance, I'm not quite sure. Perhaps we could do pink flowers on one hand and the yellow flowers on the other? DAMSEL: (Gushing:) Oh, Eduardo! You're so super smart. My life view has totally been changed. Now, I know why you are the only really royal manicurist in the kingdom. Proceed, my dearest Eddie. (There is a big knock at the castle door.) (Panicking:) Whatever could that be? I heard a strange noise...almost like a weird knocking sound...a knocking on wood...oh, I'm so confused. Brenda, whatever could that most terrifying noise be? BRENDA: Well...it sounded like a strange knocking...on wood perhaps...but maybe it was metal...then again... DAMSEL: (Chewing her nails:) I'm so scared. What if the castle is being attacked by mutant sea otters who want to eat me? I can just see it now...gnawing down the castle doors, grabbing me with their little grubby paws... Want to read the entire script? Order a perusal copy today! © Deanna Alisa Ableser This is a perusal copy only. Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
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