Final
I am truly honored to have the opportunity to speak with you today. I am honored to be asked by
Stephen Swann to talk to this group, here at the school his dad, Father Swann, founded. I truly believe
in ESD’s founding tenets of preparing students for lives of intellectual discovery, integrity and purpose.
These very tenets were the basis to educate many of the men in this room, or at least inspire many of
the men in the room to have their children educated here at ESD and I am grateful to be part of it.
The best advice I’ve ever been given about public speaking was advice that my old high school principal
gave me. I had prepared a speech for a class and, with all the confidence of an 18-year-old, bragged to
the principal that it was probably the best 45 minute speech anyone has ever heard. He looked at me
down his glasses and said, “A good speaker should never speak more than 3 to 5 minutes, unless he has
something important to say…and Jones…you have nothing important to say.” I learned my lesson well
but, because this morning I have 20 minutes, I chose an important topic. One that does have some
importance to us all. That topic is fatherhood.
The best lessons on fatherhood I learned came from two sources: one was a celibate priest who
understood the male teenage mind, the other, a businessman who understood…me. Father George
Tribou was my high school principal – the same one who gave me advice on public speaking. Of course,
the businessman is my own father, Jerry Jones.
Let me start with Father Tribou. Just as many of you have benefited in some way from the tremendously
positive impact of ESD, so too have we, the Jones family, benefited from an academic institution led by
an inspiring priest, Father George Tribou. A man, that for over 50 years, served as principal and rector
of an all-boys high school called Little Rock Catholic High. I think about the impact he had on my high
school. I think about the impact he had on generations of boys. I think about the impact that he had
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not only on me, but my father as well. Over a 9 year period, my brother Stephen and I had the honor to
attend high school at Catholic High. Many of the tenets and founding principles of fatherhood that he
preached were the same lessons I was getting at home from my dad.
Go back with me if you will to 1985. I was a freshman and as typical freshman do, I had earned a couple
of hours in detention hall that were to be served on Saturday mornings. I was to serve detention hall
one day in January that coincided with the Super Bowl being played between the 49ers and the Dolphins
in Palo Alto, California and our family had the opportunity to go to it. So, my dad accompanied me up
there that cold January morning. We knocked on Father Tribou’s wooden office door and he let us in a
cloud of cigar smoke. My father is a salesman at heart. He knows how to get people thinking his way.
So, he approached Father Tribou about the possibility of missing detention hall that day in order to fly
out and visit my sister who was attending Stanford University. Expressing, “What a wonderful
opportunity to see the campus of one of the country’s finest universities.” Father Tribou looked sternly
at my father and quietly quipped, “And I imagine you are going by that big game being played on their
campus tomorrow.” Even Fr. Tribou had heard of the Montana vs. Marino matchup and he called both
my dad and me out on it. (But, my father was able to negotiate a plea deal whereby I would rake leaves
on campus the next weekend in exchange for temporary clemency).
You see, Father Tribou understood men, he understood boys, he understood how to teach boys how to
become men, to be responsible, to be accountable, to understand that life is full of choices and with
choices come decisions, and with decisions come consequences. There was not much that got by him.
Father Tribou was a legend in central Arkansas and beyond. To give you an idea of his importance, it
was President Bill Clinton who made sure The Pope met Father Tribou when The Pope visited St. Louis.
President Clinton flew Fr. Tribou up there as part of the Pope’s welcoming committee. There is a
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photograph of the event in the Catholic High yearbook that year – Pope John Paul II, Father Tribou, and
President Clinton all huddled together talking – the caption reads: “Father Tribou and two other guys. “
As the principal of Catholic High School for Boys, he gained a certain notoriety for a no-nonsense
approach to discipline and academics. He specialized in dissecting the nuances of adolescent behavior
that so often eludes most adults. Fifty years in one spot will do that to a man. When he spoke, he was
cloaked with the armor of experience. Father Tribou led the campus of boys and inspired generations of
educators, men and dads just the same with his purveyance of common sense. He enlightened us not
only with his sermons at student body masses, but from countless stories that came from Junior and
Senior English that he taught. He believed our young minds were a victim of television, trained to have
a commercial every seven minutes. However, his commercial breaks from Kipling and Thoreau were
lessons on life. Simply put, he got it. He understood. He was right more times than most.
His approach was simple: While many schools are concerned that a student FEEL GOOD, he was
concerned that a student BE GOOD. When boys do something good, laud them shamelessly. When
boys fall short, cajole them and encourage them tirelessly. And when the boys step out of line,
challenge them, fearlessly. I can think of no better advice for fathers.
In short, Father Tribou believed what John Steinbeck wrote, “A boy becomes a man when a man is
needed.” CHS made it necessary for a boy to become a man. The world has met its quota of Peter Pan’s
– of boys who refused to grow up. The world has enough 30, 40, 50 year old boys. The world has
enough absent fathers, neglectful husbands and lazy workers. What the world needs is for its males to
become men. And Father Tribou was determined to make that happen.
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Father Tribou meant a lot to our family. I will miss the days of going to Philadelphia to play the Eagles
and the look their fans had as we walked into the stadium with a priest in tow. A look that said, “Are we
such rabid fans that Jerry Jones is escorted in by a priest?” For nearly 15 years Father Tribou would
travel with us to that game. Our family’s pre-game ritual included a Saturday night dinner with him and
his two sisters. We were enlightened by their stories as we got to know Father Tribou, the brother.
Because of his influence, I am convinced that there are three types of fathers: The see-no-evil fathers
who are neglectful of their sons and are permissive in their relationships with them. Then on the other
end of the spectrum are the helicopter fathers that hover over their boys mapping out every move and
planning every step. And then, in the middle, is the GOOD FATHER. Standing firmly behind his son,
ushering him forward, ever cognizant of the fact that the true measure of a man is not how many times
he has success, but how he handles failure. He understands that preventing failure in a child’s life robs
him or her of the opportunity to build experiences that they will draw from when their adult lives are
less than perfect.
I am fortunate enough to have the GOOD FATHER. And not only is he a GOOD FATHER, he is the most
important influence in my life. Jerry Jones was raised in Rose City, Arkansas. Have you ever heard of
Rose City, Arkansas? Not many have. But, my father’s first lesson he ever taught me was by accident –
he taught me that it does not matter at all where a man starts…what matters is how he runs the
race…how he finishes. My dad’s father, my grandfather, owned a grocery store in Rose City. Every
family member was involved. My grandmother was the bookkeeper and my dad was the marketer. As a
distinguished 9 year old, he would stand at the front of the store, dressed with a bow tie, and greet
customers as they came in. Bare-in-mind that grocery stores in the late 40’s weren’t much more than a
present day farmers market. My grandfather, ever-the-salesman, would have the local radio station
broadcast from the middle of the store to promote business. He would walk around in full cowboys gear
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carrying six shooter guns and all. He taught my dad not only about marketing, but about hard work and
discipline. My father passed that down to me.
Our family is very blessed. We are fortunate to be able to work as a family and be involved in something
as exciting as the Dallas Cowboys. My dad has always believed in the family business. It was when he
was in college that he and my grandfather started an insurance company in Missouri. All though it was
the footing that led to a prosperous business career, he is quick to remind me sometimes as we walk out
to watch a practice of the 5 time World Champion Dallas Cowboys, “son, this sure beats selling
insurance.”
One thing you may have noticed about my father is that he is, and always has been, a superior
motivator. He understands that motivation is not a gimmick. Gimmicks are often used by parents to get
the motivational ball rolling and sometimes that’s a good start, even a catalyst, but is not lasting.
However, true motivation comes when that inner fire is lit, when sacrifices are made to the greater
good, when that teeth clenching, fist making, eye narrowing, right-foot-forward moment comes to
fruition. It occurs when a young man understands that masculinity is born in perseverance. It occurs
when a young lady understands that virtue is born in confidence.
My dad has always had high expectations, but expectations that are rooted in reality. He specialized in
knowing what I could achieve and then advocating for just a little more. He always reminded me I was
exchanging a day in my life for today. Make sure you use it wisely, he would say.
He has always believed that the greatest determiner of success is work ethic. His philosophy was simple
yet profound: Your work ethic should exceed your ability… let me repeat that…your work ethic should
exceed your ability. He often paraphrased Theodore Roosevelt, “I have never admired a man who led
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an easy life; however, I have admired a great number of men who led difficult lives and lead them well.”
He believed the finest steal goes through the hottest furnace.
Now, spending his entire life in some type of athletics, my father was able to put life in perspective by
using sports as a metaphor. He would advise me and my brother another simple rule: celebrate the
victories and learn from the defeats. He didn’t allow us to dwell on the defeats, or spend too much time
patting ourselves on the back for our victories. Every situation was an opportunity to learn. That’s one
of the great truths of life. He was always quick to say “ENJOY THE PROCESS. . . . . ENJOY THE
PROCESS.” This has been another great lesson on fatherhood for me. It’s so easy to concentrate on
trophies, on playing time, on accolades. But, really, it’s the process that is the most enriching part of
life. How you got there. What you are doing to get better. That is the Big Jerry philosophy. As he often
told us: Sometimes hard work is not rewarded in an outward fashion. Sometimes you’ll give something
you’re very best and still fall short and there will be no particular award. It’s difficult. It’s life. But he
would reiterate that his pride in us was still very much there. You see, failure in life is inevitable, it
happens to everyone at some point in time. But failure does not mark you as a man, what you do after
you fail is what marks you as a man.
As I stand here today, I can tell you that my dad is my best friend. But a father son friendship is an
evolving process. During my formative adolescent years, he was a disciplinarian and a mentor. He was
the father figure that challenged me to do the right thing. He would sit down and ask 1. What do you
want out of life? 2. What are your expectations? 3. And what steps are you taking to get there? It
wasn’t about setting a goal for change by January 1 of next year. It was set the goal for February 1 of
this year. Then March. Then April and keep on building. But also, it was important for him to be a good
listener.
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I remember one time in the not-so-distant past sitting silently in front of my dad. Unbeknownst to him
the weight of the world was sitting on my shoulders. Or so I believed. Just looking at me caused him to
ask, “Are you okay?” I curtly answered “no” and shared with him what was bothering me. Never one to
give a short answer, he, as he always did, reflected upon one of his own life’s lessons to help me better
understand the issue. He was quick to point out that I was not alone. He said to me, “Those days that
seem so challenging and unbearable are days that we all face. There is not a grown man that hasn’t
gotten up every morning and looked into the mirror and had feelings of doubt. Concerned and even
scared of the unknown. Believe me,” he said, “I have had my share of these.” He continued, “we have
all had to overcome great challenges in life. It’s part of the process. So ENJOY THE PROCESS. . . .
ENJOY THE PROCESS” He helped me to understand that becoming an adult means tackling
commitments, taking responsibility for one’s actions and managing fear. After all, it is that commonality
of life that binds all humans together.
Still to this day he listens to my disappointments and my thrills. Always there to guide me. And as all
fathers should be, remaining the strongest influence in my life. Never surrendering that responsibility –
never surrendering that honor.
My father taught me several important lessons that I’ve shared with you today. But, the most important
one can be explained in just three words: “I LOVE YOU.” Tell your son that you understand his goals. Tell
him that you understand his disappointment when he has fallen short. Tell him that you will not hold
his hand to prevent his future falls, but you sure will offer him a hand up. Tell him that you’ve been
most proud of him when he fails and then climbs right back into the ring for another round. You will
continue to cheer his every victory. You will continue to help him learn from every defeat. But most
importantly, tell him that you love him. Tell him that you have loved him since the day you felt his first
foot fall in the comfort of his mother’s stomach. My father is one of the toughest men I’ve ever
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known…and he has never been afraid to say I love you. Those words are so important to children. They
are so important because they build the most basic confidence and the most sturdy backbones. I’ve
heard those words from my father a million times and it’s a large part of why our relationship is so
strong. Those three words mean so much and, truly, only the very strongest of men understand that.
To be a strong father, you must first be able to communicate your love to your children.
So, today, I’ve told you about Father Tribou and Jerry Jones. I’ve told you how they raised me, how they
sculpted me, how they inspired me. Father Tribou’s greatest contribution to my life was that he echoed
what my own father was teaching me at home. Like I said, he understood boys. He understood men.
He understood how to get the best out of them. My father, on the other hand, has been the strongest
constant in my life. He modeled what a good father is all about – and still does to this day. He was wise
enough, like you with your own children, to send me to a school that would help build strong character.
This I know - ESD does not believe much in bumper sticker philosophy or gimmicks. It believes in
uncovering character and exposing integrity. That’s why my children are here. Sure, I want them to
excel academically and excel at athletics, and ENJOY THE PROCESS. But most of all, I want them to learn
to be contributors to the community. I want them to learn to embrace the moment. I want them to be
a good father, a good mother, a good parent.
In closing I would like to say, I am a firm believer that life’s greatest moments come in finding challenge
and over-coming them. Life’s greatest moments are a product of character. These moments are built
brick by brick, row by row, one experience at a time and they are a product of commitment. Life’s
greatest moments are made by pulling together everything you’ve learned and casting it far into the
wind of Faith. No one gets a guarantee. In taking a term Shakespeare once used, “Life is a sea of
troubles.” Life IS not easy. Families are sometimes difficult. Careers can be overwhelming. But, I
guarantee this: you will never regret being a good father. My dad would go to great lengths to help us
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build our confidence on a foundation of love and support. Ever the disciplinarian, he was also a great
mentor and friend. The approach he took was obvious to him. It’s how my granddad was with him. I
leave you with one final piece he shared with me at my high school graduation. It’s titled, Your Name.
And it goes like this. . . .
Your Name
You got from your father
A most precious thing to give
So it’s your to use and cherish
For as long as you may live.
If you lose the watch he gave you
It can always be replaced.
But a black mark on your name son,
Can never be erased.
It was clean the day you took it,
And a worthy name to bear,
When he got it from his father,
There was no dishonor there.
So make sure you guard it wisely.
After all is said and done
You’ll be glad the name is spotless
When you give it to your son.
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