The Return to Ourselves: Kinship
While rushing to fulfill my usual responsibilities at the weekly comedor, a rather high pitched
voice stood out against the busy chatter of feasting children and their clattering dishes. “Más “wheesay”
please,” asked Daniel with his heart wrenchingly adorable puppy dog eyes fixated on me. There we were
on my final day of teaching at the small Costa Rican church, after 298 days of English classes (and
roughly 10,000 repetitions of the word juice), and still Daniel thought it was pronounced “wheesay,”
confirming my suspicion that English pronunciation was still a mystery to him. As a result, I couldn’t
seem to shake off the mocking voice in the back of my head that screamed “failure” over and over
again, and I questioned what I could have done differently to have been a more “successful” teacher for
Daniel and the 50 other kids I worked with.
Throughout his memoir, Tattoos on the Heart, Father Gregory Boyle offers a new prospective by
challenging the importance of success. Instead, Boyle focuses on faithfulness, which not only allows
room for life’s inevitable complexities, but it leads to the accomplishment of the ultimate goal: kinship.
Viewing my time in Costa Rica from Boyle’s prospective offers new worth to my experience.
Perhaps Daniel didn’t know that “j’s” typically aren’t silent in the English language, but I can guarantee
that Daniel knew me. And I in turn undoubtedly knew Daniel. Along the way, it became less about the
teacher to student relationship and more about the person to person relationship. There was nothing
standing between us, and kinship surely had blossomed.
Boyle defines kinship as “not serving the other, but being one with the other” (Boyle 188). By
addressing the homies and homegirls as family, Boyle proves that he himself is truly one with them. This
is particularly evident through his relationship with Cesar. Cesar, a homie, calls Boyle at three in the
morning to confirm that Boyle views Cesar as his son, just as Cesar views Boyle as his father. After doing
so, Cesar ensures their unity by exclaiming, “Then…I will be… your son. And you…will be my father. And
nothing will separate us…” (Boyle 31), ultimately exemplifying the kinship between the two.
Furthermore, Boyle’s “family” is not limited to Cesar, but instead extends to all of the homies and
homegirls. Throughout his memoir, Boyle consistently addresses the homies and homegirls as “mijo” or
“mijia”, meaning “my son” or “my daughter”. By defining these relationships in terms of the family unit,
Boyle proves that he and the homies and homegirls view each other as one in the same. This type of
unity is the foundation for kinship.
Boyle continues to emphasize the importance of kinship and deemphasize the importance of
“success” by stating “You stand with the least likely to succeed until success is succeeded by something
more valuable: kinship” (Boyle 179). When I first began teaching in the Costa Rican slum, I dreamed of
making an impact by “successfully” teaching English to the children. And while it was incredible to see
their language skills develop over time, through our faithfulness to each other, the kids and I were able
to form an invaluable kinship. Similarly, when homie, Elias Montes accepts an award on behalf of Father
Greg Boyle, he makes a powerful statement which attests to Boyle’s willingness to “stand with the least
likely to succeed”. Montes states, “ Because Father Greg and Homeboy Industries believed in me, I
decided to believe in myself,”(Boyle 105) and as a result of this faith that Father Greg had in him, Elias
decided to change is life in order to show his gratitude. By simply standing with Elias, Boyle enabled him
to see himself in a new light. Elias’ new perspective, which gave him the will to help himself, proved to
be an invaluable achievement undoubtedly succeeding success.
Boyle proceeds by stating that kinship is about “remembering that we belong to one another,
and letting souls feel their worth” (Boyle 196). Just as Boyle strives to achieve kinship with the homies,
he hopes that they will learn to form kinship with others around them. Boyle’s efforts prove to be
effective when Alex, a homie, starts conversation with a flight attendant about Homeboy industries,
himself, and the history they recently made by attending a dinner at the white house. By the end of the
exchange, the flight attendant was in tears, and according to Boyle, “both souls [felt] their worth” (Boyle
205) and kinship was achieved. Throughout the conversation, Alex connected with the flight attendant,
and as evident by her tears, the flight attendant was moved by Alex. It is exactly this kinship that the
flight attendant and Alex formed on the plane that proves the African proverb “a person becomes a
person through other people,” to be true. When I walked out of the church Casa de Oración for the last
time, I cried as 25 kids gave me hugs goodbye. Before that moment, I cannot recall ever crying during a
farewell. I suppose before that moment, I had never felt so united to anyone. It is through those people
that I became a person.
Through his work with the homies and homegirls at Homeboy industries, Father Gregory Boyle
strives not to achieve success, but rather kinship. Throughout his memoir, Tattoos on the Heart, Boyle
recounts how he formed kinship with the homies and homegirls, and how this not only benefited them,
but how they returned Father Boyle to himself. Through his admirable example, Boyle calls us to
become one with the “other”, stand beside those who seem like unlikely to succeed, and allow souls to
“feel their worth” (Boyle 196). Above all, he calls on us to strive for kinship. Whether it is with a homie
or a 10 year old boy from Costa Rica who doesn’t know how to pronounce the word “juice,” this way of
life will allow us to become people through each other and fully return to ourselves.