Half Baked Hash
Monday, 02 August 2010
Hares: Betty Crock O’Shit and Pork’n’Ride
*Ingredients *
Hashers............................................................. 36
Themes ............................................................... 2
Beerstops ............................................................ 2
Hobos ................................................................. 6
Shiggy Pavement Rating .................................... 8
Pork ................................................... nah-uh
A new honor for women was scored,
When the railroad advanced Ms. McCord.
She was made a conductor,
But so many had fucked her,
She no longer shouts, "All Aboard!"
Donkey Processer Rating ...................................F
STEP 1:
Ok, so you’re gonna want to start cooking your Half Baked Hash using a clothing theme, that way people
can ignore the theme and wear their usual crappy hash clothes.
STEP 2:
For the pre-lube, you’ll want to serve a select beer, one that is a little higher in octane, so that the hashers
won’t be too discriminating about the trail they will be running. Railbender will work. In fact it will add to an unintended
theme to your hash.
STEP 3:
Mix all of the hashers liberally about your house (just ignore the conservatives). Add your freshly cooked
baked goods. And blend in a good number of new boots to add flavor.
STEP 4:
Once you’ve got everyone well lubricated, spin them around with an incoherent chalk talk, and send them
on their way.
STEP 5:
At this point, it is a bit late to decide to pre-set your beerstop. So you'll have to go mobile with it. Now,
it's a good idea to have all your beer on ice and ready to go, along with your snack items. And it is probably NOT a good
idea to invite Purple Princess over to your house for sex while all the hash hounds are waiting at your first beer stop
wondering why there is no beer. But I guess it's too late for that, so you might as well take a quick shower to wash off the
jiz. The hounds will find ways to entertain themselves: like catching joy rides on the slowly passing freight train.
.....snif....sniff (I think I smell that unintended theme again, .......better check the oven!)
STEP 6:
Remember, if you happened to use a Donkey Flour Processor to process the flour on your trail, you’ll
need to ensure that he puts all the “F”s down at the end of the false trails. Otherwise the hounds may boil-over and leave
you with a terrible mess on your hands. They’re probably already overheated from running ¾ of a mile down the RR
Tracks. .....snif....sniff (yea….. I definitely smell that unintended theme, .......turn the oven down to 150)
STEP 7:
Cooking is all about preparation. Now being the supreme chef that you are, you've got all the food for the
après set-up and ready for the hounds to arrive.
Oops!
Perhaps if you panic, drive home from the second
beerstop like a berserk baker, you can get everything ready before the horribly hungry hash hounds infest the premises.
NOTE:
Now here is an odd thing that you won't find in every Half Baked Hash Recipe: even though Pork'n'Ride
is one of the hares, there ain't no pork on the menu. Hell, there ain't no meat on the menu. .....I don't know, is there
potential for a renaming out there .......Ride'm-Tofu, or Happy Hummus, or Wheresthefuckingmeat!
STEP 8:
The hounds have all been stuffed with food and beer. So it is about time to put this hash in the oven again
until next year. But first, why not sprinkle a little "naming" on it. Donkey’s gonna help out on this one too. .. .. ..During
circle, Donkey, as a lead-up to a naming, began to recount an incident at Whiff’s Chex Mix Hash, where he and Just Joel
shared stalls in the Mens Room. Pushing their butts together to fit on the lone throne, while holding each other’s hands,
they each took a dump. …….And that’s how Just Joel got his name: Group Poop.
Bon Appetite, shitty trail, DM
Rumble Strip, Read My Lips, Hung Like This, Orgie Porgie, Donkey Ho Te, Transoxual, “Nameless Ruth”, Sherpes, Group Poop,
Giant Ankle, Bend Overature, Old Crusty Dick, Rex Erection, Moon, Spermit, Too Loose, Cock Cracker, Rug Burn, 4FU, Raspberry,
No Code, Folker, Flicker, Dave the Mason, Cuntortionist, Death Wish, Scribbling Scribe, DM, Just Jude, Just Sarah, an auto-hashing
Purple Princess, and New Boots: Just Cleveland, Just Lindsey, Just Kayla, Just Andy, Just Patty Jo
Hypnotic Beerthday Titty Hash
When:
Saturday, August 7, 2010. 4pm
(ya, it's late, but fuck you, it's
my beerthday and I'm doing whatever the fuck I want).
Where:
Casa de Baby Spewie , 30 Christine Drive, Cheswick, PA 15024
Hypnotits!, turns 30 again (again again, again)! Celebration includes: fucking awesome fuck ya trail laid by
none other than Hypnotits! and her hunka hunka boo bear Baby Spewie; awesome food (well, food), totally wet
beer; crazy party hats (to be supplied by the hounds); and more! We'll also be collecting donations for Purple
Princess as he recovers from his recent surgery. All proceeds will go to benefit Purple Princess and his Purple
Hand.
Directions:
28 north, Exit 11
Left at the light
Right on saxonburg
Right on russelton-dorseyville road,
Make an immediate right and immediate left onto Christine drive.
The boo's house is up the hill on the left.
Pittsburgh Hash House Harriers Bash
(Bike Hash)
When:
Where:
Thursday, August 12th @ 6:30
Southside Riverfront Park
under the Birmingham Bridge at the end of 18th Street
Intermediate involving typical Pittsburgh hills and some trail. This will be a noncompetitive Hare and Hound
trail. The leader or hare lays out a route with check points and possible false trails and the hounds (you) have to
discover the true trail. There will be adult beverage stops so participants have to be 21 or accompanied by an
adult.
Bring cash for trail beverages and we will go out to socialize after the ride. Lights, helmets and a sense of
humor are required.