MY MOTHER
My mother is 79 years old and a victim of Alzheimer's disease. Alzheimer's is a degenerative
disease of the central nervous system. It causes early mental deterioration. My mother lives
with my father, who is 88 years old, and in excellent mental and physical condition.
Mother began to have symptoms of Alzheimer's about five years ago. She would send me
letters half-finished. Usually, Daddy would address them. She could not write checks. It was
hard to understand what was happening.
There are three children in my family - my sister, my brother and me. None of us live near our
parents. We talked to each other and tried to determine what might be done. Could Mother be
cared for at home? Could Daddy cope with the situation?
Once Mother's disease was diagnosed it helped some. At least it had a name. It is such a
baffling disease. Even the doctors were not much help. There is so much that they do not know,
and each case is different.
Daddy tried to go on with life as usual. He expected Mother to do the things in the house that
she had always done. She could not complete any task.
I brought Mother to visit me. It was a Sunday. After two days she wanted to go home. I told her
that Daddy was not coming until Friday. Time meant nothing to her. She became upset and
forgot what room she was staying in. I took her to her room, and she told me that she had
never seen that room before. You could not reason with her. During that visit she also forgot
who I was. It was the last time she visited me.
Daddy began to take over the household chores - cooking, cleaning, laundry. Mother spent
most of her time moving small objects from room to room. She was very busy. She had to be
watched closely because she would turn the stove on and leave the eyes burning. She would
walk out of the house and wander away. She was in her own world.
We realized that Mother did best in familiar surroundings. She preferred Daddy. One of the
women who helped with Mother said, "When your father comes into the room she lights up
like a Christmas tree."
My mother has gotten worse. There is also a physical decline with Alzheimer's disease. Mother
can no longer walk on her own. When she is awake she is in a wheelchair. She has to be fed.
She speaks occasionally, but the things she says do not make much sense.
Caring for Mother is a full time job. Daddy has trained people to help with her.
For me, my mother's illness has been very hard to accept. There is always a sadness. The
hardest thing for me was when I realized that Mother and I would never have another
conversation. That part of her was gone. I miss her.
My mother and I were friends. When we were together we talked and laughed a lot. She was
fun. She loved to eat, and we would have what she called "tea parties". We would have tea and
cookies or cake. Sometimes we would eat ice cream together. She loved ice cream. We would
go to the drugstore and buy a pint of ice cream each. The entire time she ate hers she talked
about how good it was. When she finished her pint she wanted another. Usually she ate only
one pint. She always said, "We have to keep our girlish figures".
A friend pointed out to me that I was going through a slow grieving process. This is true, and
this perspective helped me.
It is hard to visit Mother now because it makes me sad. And yet I know that when she is
completely gone that will be even sadder. And so I go to see her. I talk to her and she stares at
me. Sometimes I believe that I am familiar to her. I like to hold her hand and hug her. She puts
her head on my shoulder and I run my hand through her soft white hair. I like to think that she
has memories too.
-A Daughter