Be a Better Listener with These Great
Questions
By Kevin Eikenberry
Chief Potential Officer
The Kevin Eikenberry Group
A Companion Learning Tool to this video
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© 2013 All Rights Reserved
In today’s companion video we talked about the importance of listening to build relationships.
As promised in this tool, I am giving you ways to use questions as an effective tool for listening.
At some point we’ve all wished we had listened more carefully (for me it’s at least once per
day).
And I’m sure you have been speaking at some time and wished the person you were talking to
was listening more intently.
It is obvious that more effective listening helps us better understand what is being said. Perhaps
less obviously, better listening also helps us hear what isn’t being said – helping us get the
meaning behind someone’s words.
Perhaps most importantly, listening effectively is one of the best ways to build relationships
with others. Paying close attention and seeking to understand what someone is saying matters
deeply to the other person. It shows our respect and caring for both the person and their
message, and it is an incredibly supportive behavior.
While some people may think of listening as a passive process (“just shut up and listen”), the
best listeners know they must be actively engaged to listen most effectively. One of the best
things we can do to be better listeners is to ask better questions.
Reasons Great Listeners Ask Questions
There are specific purposes for the questions asked when trying to listen more successfully.
They fall into four basic categories:
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Questions to confirm understanding
Questions to learn more
Questions to understand meaning or feelings
Questions to encourage and show support
This short bullet list itself is helpful because if you keep these purposes in mind, you will be able
to formulate a good listening question at the appropriate time.
So, you may be wondering, what is a really good listening question? The rest of this article
provides you with specific questions that you can use to become a better listener.
KevinEikenberry.com
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© 2013 All Rights Reserved
Questions to confirm understanding
 So what you are saying is . . . (fill in the blank) . . . is that correct?
 How did you come to your decision?
 What factors were most important?
Questions to learn more
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Can you explain that further?
Can you say more about that?
Can you help me understand?
Can you elaborate on that?
Note – Adding “please” to these questions is a great idea!
Questions to understand meaning or feelings
 How do you feel about it?
 How do you mean?
 What is your biggest concern?
Questions to encourage and show support
 What did you have in mind?
 What is exciting about this to you?
 How can I help or support you?
Start using some of these questions today – you will find opportunities in nearly every
conversation you have. While these questions will work great when used verbatim, I encourage
you to modify them (or create new ones) to make them truly “yours.”
To really be effective, your questions need to be in “your voice” and meet the needs of your
conversation.
Any questions?
KevinEikenberry.com
[email protected]
© 2013 All Rights Reserved
Your Now Steps
1. The next conversation you are engaged in, practice using these questions.
2. Reflect on how they helped you listen better and stay engaged in the conversation.
3. Apply more of these questions as you build your confidence with them.
Additional Resources
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For some additional thoughts and writing on all things related to building your listening
skills, check out these articles from my blog.
For a more strategies for improving your listening and engagement skills, check out our
2 CD set, Conquering Leadership Communication – use promo code 20DAYS and receive
a 20% discount!
KevinEikenberry.com
[email protected]
© 2013 All Rights Reserved
About Kevin
Kevin Eikenberry is a world renowned leadership expert, a twotime bestselling author, speaker, consultant, trainer, coach,
leader, learner, husband and father (not necessarily in that
order).
Kevin is the Chief Potential Officer of The Kevin Eikenberry
Group, a leadership and learning consulting company that has
been helping organizations, teams and individuals reach their
potential since 1993. Kevin’s specialties include leadership,
teams and teamwork, organizational culture, facilitating change,
organizational learning and more.
Kevin also is the creator and content developer of The
Remarkable Leadership Learning System, a continual leadership
development process based on his bestselling book, Remarkable
Leadership: Unleashing Your Leadership Potential One Skill at a
Time, and focused on developing the 13 competencies of remarkable leaders with virtually
delivered content to leaders worldwide. He is also the developer of the Remarkable Leadership
Workshop, the Coaching Training Camp and the co-developer of the Bud to Boss and Ultimate
Communicator Workshops – all offered in both public and in-house versions across North
America.
KevinEikenberry.com
[email protected]
© 2013 All Rights Reserved