Your Guide to
Nurturing
Parent–Child
Relationships
Positive
Parenting
Activities
for Home Visitors
by
Nadia Hall, M.Ed., Dip, C.S., M.A.
Seneca College
Toronto
Chaya Kulkarni, Ed.D., M.Ed.
Invest in Kids
Toronto
and
Shauna Seneca, B.S.W.
Baltimore • London • Sydney
Paul H. Brookes Publishing Co.
Post Office Box 10624
Baltimore, Maryland 21285-0624
www.brookespublishing.com
Copyright © 2008 by Paul H. Brookes Publishing Co., Inc.
All rights reserved.
“Paul H. Brookes Publishing Co.,” is a registered trademark of
Paul H. Brookes Publishing Co., Inc.
Comfort, Play & Teach™, Comfort, Play & Teach: A Positive
Approach to Parenting™, and
are trademarks of Invest
in Kids Foundation. Invest in Kids® is a registered trademark in
Canada of Invest in Kids Foundation. Invest in Kids trademarks
are used with permission and under license.
Comfort, Play & Teach™ activities found in Section III are adapted with
permission from Comfort, Play & Teach: A Positive Approach to Parenting
© 2003 Invest in Kids Foundation. All rights reserved.
Typeset by Integrated Publishing Solutions, Grand Rapids, Michigan.
Manufactured in the United States of America by
Sheridan Books, Inc., Chelsea, Michigan.
Purchasers of Your Guide to Nurturing Parent–Child Relationships:
Positive Parenting Activities for Home Visitors are granted permission to
photocopy the blank forms in the text for clinical or educational purposes.
None of the forms may be reproduced to generate revenue for any
program or individual. Photocopies may only be made from an
original book. Unauthorized use beyond this privilege is prosecutable
under federal law. You will see the copyright protection notice
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Individuals described in this book are composites, pseudonyms, or fictional
accounts. Individuals’ names have been changed and identifying details
have been altered when necessary to protect their confidentiality.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Hall, Nadia.
Your guide to nurturing parent-child relationships : positive parenting activities for home visitors / by Nadia
Hall, Chaya Kulkarni, and Shauna Seneca.
p. cm.
ISBN-13: 978–1–55766–907–0 (spiral bound)
ISBN-10: 1–55766–907–4
1. Parenting—Study and teaching. 2. Child development—Study and teaching. 3. Home-based family services.
4. Friendly visiting. I. Kulkarni, Chaya. II. Seneca, Shauna, 1957–2006. III. Title.
HQ755.7.H348 2008
649'.1076—dc22
2007036515
British Library Cataloguing in Publication data are available from the British Library.
ACTIVITY
5
Purpose
Speaking from
the Child’s Perspective
To demonstrate to the parents that what they say and do has an impact
on the child
Focus of activity: Parent–child
Age of child: Infant, toddler, preschooler
Appropriate level of home visitor experience: Novice and non-novice
Who benefits the most:
• Parents who have difficulty empathizing with their child or
understanding their infant’s cues
Parents who have difficulty interacting with their child in a
sensitive and responsive manner
• Adolescent parents
Rationale: This strategy is based on Fraiberg’s (1987) model in which an adult “talks for the
baby” and describes how the infant might be feeling as the mother plays or takes care of him or
her. The infant mental health field introduced the concept of the infant’s presence in whatever
work (assessment or intervention) is being carried out with the family. A high level of parental
empathy is necessary to shift from a “me focus” (i.e., Why is the child doing this to me?) to an
“other focus” (i.e., How is the child experiencing the situation?).
•
Materials
Procedure
58
•
Handout 5a, Speaking from the Child’s Perspective (Example, to use
as a reference sheet for yourself )
•
Handout 5b, Speaking from the Child’s Perspective (Blank form)
The strategy introduced in this activity will help parents better understand how an infant or toddler might be experiencing a certain situation.
As you observe the interactions between the parent and the child, always be ready to speak on behalf of the child when a signal from the infant or a specific behavior from the toddler is ignored or misinterpreted
by the parent. You can do this by verbalizing to the parent, in a quiet
voice, what the child is feeling. For example, say the parent leaves the
room to answer the phone and the baby starts to cry. When the mother
returns, she says, “You are such a cry baby. I can’t leave you for one moment.” You can reply, “You know, Mom, I get really scared and feel lost
when you leave.” Then you can explain the developmental reason be-
hind the child’s behavior: “At this stage your baby hasn’t yet developed
a memory of you that she can hold in her mind. So when you leave her
sight, she thinks you have disappeared and that frightens her.” In this
way, separation is framed in terms of what the child is experiencing,
without passing judgment on the parent. Be alert to the many opportunities for reinforcing the attachment that is developing between the
child and the parent.
Reviewing Handout 5a will help you become familiar with the key interaction skills that you can reinforce when you observe them, using the
child’s perspective to let the parent know how his or her words and
actions might be affecting the child. The key skills are
•
Following the child’s lead
•
Taking turns
•
Encouraging language and communicative intent
•
Responding to distress, such as crying or protests of separation
•
Responding sensitively and appropriately to behavioral cues
•
Understanding the child’s temperament (goodness of fit)
•
Recognizing developmental competencies
Modification
•
A more didactic variation of the technique used in this activity has
been described by Osofsky and colleagues (Carter, Osofsky, & Hann,
1991). They encourage adolescent parents to speak in the first person to express what they believe their child is feeling, thinking, and
trying to communicate through body movements, facial expressions,
and vocalizations. For example, when a child has had enough to eat,
encourage a young mother to interpret from the child’s point of view:
“I’m full and that’s why I pushed away the bottle,” rather than from
her own perspective: “You never finish eating what I give you. Why
don’t you do what I want?” This technique appeals to adolescent
mothers because it allows them to voice their own feelings in a safe
venue. A shift may occur when they can realize that they are attributing their own feelings to the infant and that the baby is a separate individual (Invest in Kids, 2004a).
Reflective
Supervision
Supervisors could use this activity in a team meeting to give home visitors more practice and an increased level of comfort with this intervention. Distribute Handout 5b with the blank “Speaking from the Child’s
Perspective” column. Ask the team to break into pairs and role-play how
they would articulate the child’s perspective in response to a particular
skill.
Challenges
•
Initially, you may be uncomfortable with providing the child’s voice.
•
Be careful not to overuse this strategy during a home visit. The
power of the technique is lost with excessive repetition.
59
ACTIVITY
5
Strategies
ACTIVITY
5
Outcome
60
•
Be selective in your use of this intervention.
•
Focus on issues around which the child’s cues are being ignored.
Parents gain a different perception of how their behavior affects their
child.
HANDOUT 5a
Speaking from the Child’s Perspective
Skill area
Speaking from the child’s perspective
ACTIVITY
5
Skill #1: Following the child’s lead
•
Allow the child to initiate activities/games.
•
“I like it when you play a game that I am interested in. It makes me feel important.”
•
Match child’s pace rather than your
own tempo.
•
“I don’t like it when you ignore the toy I’m interested in exploring. It makes me feel that
I am not important to you.”
•
Hold back on the urge to take over and lead
all the time.
•
“When you imitate what I do, I feel smart.”
•
Support the child’s focus of interest by providing appropriate objects.
•
“When you support my interests, I feel
valued as a person.”
Skill #2: Taking turns
•
Pause and wait for the child to respond
either in movement, gesture, or vocalization.
•
“When you listen to me, I feel like a valued
partner in our conversation.”
•
Don’t dominate or interrupt a play situation.
•
“You make me feel that what I have to say
is worthwhile and important.”
•
Talk in small bits and pause to hear the
child’s reply.
•
“I’m feeling like a grown-up when you
involve me in a real conversation.”
•
Maintain eye contact.
Skill #3: Encouraging language and
communicative contact
•
Talk after the child “talks” or uses gestures
(e.g., “Yes, that is your bottle. Here it is”).
•
“When you imitate what I say, I feel like
repeating it over and over.”
•
Imitate and then expand on what the child
says (e.g., “Yes, your ball is rolling away.
Let’s go get it”).
•
“I like it when you give me new sounds to
try out.”
•
Talk to the child about his or her interests.
•
“I feel valued and respected when you talk
about what I’m interested in.”
Skill #4: Responding to crying
•
Pick up and cuddle the child.
•
“When you pick me up, I feel so comforted
and protected.”
•
Use soft soothing sounds, gentle looks,
and smiles.
•
“When you figure out why I am crying, I feel
secure in your love.”
•
Calmly touch and comfort the child.
•
“Every time you comfort me, I learn to trust
you more and more.”
(continued on next page)
Your Guide to Nurturing Parent–Child Relationships: Positive Parenting Activities for Home Visitors by Nadia Hall,
Chaya Kulkarni, and Shauna Seneca. Copyright © 2008 by Paul H. Brookes Publishing Co., Inc. All rights reserved.
61
HANDOUT 5a
(continued)
Speaking from the Child’s Perspective
Skill area
ACTIVITY
5
Speaking from the child’s perspective
Skill #5: Responding to protests of
separation
•
Tell the child when you are leaving.
•
“I love you so much, I can’t stand to be out
of your sight.”
•
Reassure the child before you leave and
upon reunion—give lots of hugs and kisses.
•
“I get really scared and feel lost when you
leave my side.”
•
Keep the child in range of vision and call
out to him or her from another room.
•
“I haven’t learned yet that when you disappear from my sight, it isn’t forever.”
Skill #6: Responding sensitively and
appropriately to any signal or behavioral cue
•
Think about what the child’s trying to tell
you about his or her needs or wants.
•
“When you notice that I’m hungry/tired/
frustrated/sad/lonely and you help me,
I know that you care for and love me.”
•
Be aware when the child wants a break
from interacting with a caregiver.
•
“I know sometimtes it is hard to figure out
what I want, but when you do, I feel loved
and respected.”
•
“When you take care of my needs, you
make me feel worthy and secure.”
Skill #7: Understanding “goodness of fit”
•
Unconditionally accept the child’s
reactions, biological rhythms, and
overall personality.
•
“Clothing tags, loud noises, and cold bath
water make me irritable and grumpy.”
•
Do not attempt to change the way the
child approaches new situations.
•
“I know that I don’t react to people/
situations in the same way you do, but I am
a different person.”
•
“When you accept me for who I am, I feel
respected and valued.”
Skill #8: Recognizing developmental competencies
•
Observe the child daily and watch for
new skills being practiced.
•
“I feel proud when you get excited about
my accomplishments.”
•
Become familiar with the sequence of
development in all areas of growth.
•
“I feel supported when you recognize that
I need to practice some skills over and over
before they are mastered.”
•
Celebrate each new developmental skill.
Your Guide to Nurturing Parent–Child Relationships: Positive Parenting Activities for Home Visitors by Nadia Hall,
Chaya Kulkarni, and Shauna Seneca. Copyright © 2008 by Paul H. Brookes Publishing Co., Inc. All rights reserved.
62
HANDOUT 5b
Speaking from the Child’s Perspective (Blank Form)
Skill area
Speaking from the child’s perspective
ACTIVITY
5
Skill #1: Following the child’s lead
•
Allow the child to initiate activities/games.
•
Match child’s pace rather than one’s own
tempo.
•
Hold back on the urge to take over and lead
all the time.
•
Support the child’s focus of interest by
providing appropriate objects.
Skill #2: Taking turns
•
Pause and wait for the child to respond
either in movement, gesture, or vocalization.
•
Don’t dominate or interrupt a play situation.
•
Talk in small bits and pause to hear the
child’s reply.
•
Maintain eye contact.
Skill #3: Encouraging language and
communicative contact
•
Talk after the child “talks” or uses gestures
(e.g., “Yes, that is your bottle. Here it is”).
•
Imitate and then expand on what the child
says (e.g., “Yes, your ball is rolling away.
Let’s go get it”).
•
Talk to the child about his or her interests.
Skill #4: Responding to crying
•
Pick up and cuddle the child.
•
Use soft soothing sounds, gentle looks, and
smiles.
•
Calmly touch and comfort the child.
Your Guide to Nurturing Parent–Child Relationships: Positive Parenting Activities for Home Visitors by Nadia Hall,
Chaya Kulkarni, and Shauna Seneca. Copyright © 2008 by Paul H. Brookes Publishing Co., Inc. All rights reserved.
63
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