Sharing Wisdom through Stories:
Grandparent-Grandchild Conversations
Mining and passing on wisdom from one generation to another
by Glenn Timmons
Introduction
With the advent of television and its sound-bites, it has been said we are becoming more an
oral culture than a literary one. While the point can be argued, it is true that when it comes to
learning core beliefs, values and life patterns, the Church's Christian education program is now
in competition with the TV, video games and organized sports for children. Without some
intentionality, it is difficult for the entire family to put their feet under the same dinner table at
the same time. And yet, let's not underestimate the impact of oral communication.
Remember the Sunday dinner when things were slower. During the meal, but particularly after
dinner, everyone relaxed and lingered at the table for good conversation embellished with
storytelling. The words “remember when…”.and. “and then...” started many a conversation.
Even the children participated in telling their shared experiences. The Sunday dinner was the
time and place where storytelling conveyed the meaning of what it meant to be a member of
this particular family. It was a place where identity, values and core beliefs were caught. Thus,
the power of an oral culture.
It was not unlike ancient oral traditions. Remember the celebration of the Passover for the
Hebrews? The story of the faith was conveyed by the children asking questions. “What is the
meaning of...” or “Why do we...?” In the telling of the story, the meaning of God's activity was
shared. God's nature and purpose in the calling, shaping and send of a “people of God” was
told over and over, but was ever new in the telling. Over time, an identity was given shape by
the telling of God's story. A sense of connectedness and purpose was made real that had roots
in the past, fruit in the present and hope in the future. With the coming of Jesus, God's story
was reinterpreted. New life and new meaning were breathed into the old story.
Today, Sunday dinners are more apt to be at the nearest diner. TV has now been joined with
cell phones, DVDs and computers. And with the age-grade model of Christian education, the
generations have little opportunity to talk with each other.
Intentional Conversation—Convey Wisdom
This intentional conversation of a grandparent and grandchild is but one way to convey the
wisdom of one generation to another without it being viewed as a threat or irrelevant. It is
designed to be intentional, in that this kind of conversation does not happen that often in the
modern family. It is conversational, because it is framed in the old, but powerful, model of the
younger generation asking questions of an older generation. It is grandparent, grandchildren
because even in modern families there are many shared experiences that provide the trust in the
relationship and the possibility of storytelling. It is powerful in that the legacy of wisdom from
the reflection on one's lived experience has its own integrity and authority. There is no better
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gift one generation can give another than the sharing of wisdom that will ground that younger
generation. Without such grounding, any gift that may come in the form of inheritance will be
seen as entitlement.
Here are a couple of objectives for a conversation.
1) To encourage and celebrate intergenerational family relationships.
2) To encourage positive, nurturing relationships with grandchildren that support their
parents in providing a foundation for the children’s sense of identity, spiritual
development, and life-affirming decisions while providing a sense of belonging,
continuity, and connectedness through modeling, storytelling and positive inquiry.
By the way, have fun. If you agree to participate, you will give and receive a gift.
• Grandparent-Grandchild Interview Guideline
Introduction
While we have called this intentional conversation an “interview,” we do so to set it aside and
give it some weight of importance. We are dividing this page into Guidelines and Suggested
Processes. The Guidelines are there to protect the grandparent-grandchild relationship, yet
allow the relationship to be the vehicle for sharing and learning. The Suggested Processes are
options to consider in setting up and any future use of the conversation. As an adult who may
be assisting in setting up the conversation, use your own experience and wisdom in determining
a mutually agreed upon process. The Golden Rule in the process of setting up the conversation
is a good guideline.
Guidelines:
1) Create a “safe place” where grandparents can be candid, even vulnerable with a beloved
grandchild.
2) Set aside some dedicated time and space for the interview.
3) Remember, this is an educational process, not an opportunity to “preach.” The objective
of this conversation is to share with your own grandchild what you have learned from
your own experience. Let the child “look over your shoulder,” do not “talk at” him or
her.
4) If the grandchild needs help, an adult (pastor, Sunday school teacher, parent) might help
the child in selecting the questions or formulating their own questions. Some coaching
of the child might be helpful in how to approach and set up the conversation.
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5) Judgment should be exercised in age-appropriate telling of family stories.
6) Any “use” of the conversation beyond the conversation itself should be mutually agreed
upon.
7) While some questions require some vulnerability, the guideline is that the grandparent
should reserve the right to not respond. However, help the child to understand with some
explanation. Sharing or not is itself a learning.
Suggested Processes:
1) While this conversation has value for your grandchild, the process has value beyond
your own family. If you are comfortable and have a family video camera, we urge you
to video the conversation for future use by your grandchild, or some other mutually
agreed upon learning project beyond the family. A sound recording could also be made.
2) The child might want to ask her/his teacher to write up the interview for extra credit, that
includes some reflections by the child on the interview. Some possible questions to
address are:
What did you learn that you did not already know? What did you learn about
yourself? About how you were/are being raised in your family?
What questions would you like to ask your grandparents as a result of this
conversation? Would you like to have another conversation with your
grandparents? Your own parents? Can you take some initiative in doing this?
What beliefs and values are important to your grandparents? How did/are these
beliefs and values being lived out in their lives?
What beliefs and values are guiding your life? What is the source of these beliefs
and values? Church? School? Society?
3) The grandparent(s) involved might wish to share with their faith community in some
setting the significance of the conversation. This sharing might include what they
learned about themselves and what they learned about their grandchild in the
conversation. Some exploration between knowledge, life experience and wisdom is in
order. Remember, the objective of the conversation is to share what you have learned
from your life-experience. A part of wisdom is educating our feelings. Was it difficult to
share feelings with your grandchild? How have you educated your feeling? As a result
of this experience, what would you do differently?
4) Depending on the age of the child, we suggest that an adult within the congregation and
who knows the church family help to set up and coach the process. During Older Adult
month in your congregation, it may be possible to use some of the materials in the
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conversation in worship or other settings. Use good judgment and wisdom. Mutual
agreements are necessary.
5) A pastor, or Sunday school teacher should use her/his own creativity in guiding the
process, setting up the conversation and its use, if it is agreed upon. Some of the
questions require vulnerability of the participants. While there is value in candid
responses to the questions, some judgment may need to be exercised in the selection of
which questions are to be asked.
6) This is an educational process; one, which comes out of the reflections of one’s lived
experience. This conversation will exemplify that faith that is “caught,” not just
“taught.” Both the formal and informal are necessary. This conversation is offered to
strengthen the grandparent-grandchild relationship; to precipitate additional
conversations and storytelling within the family system; and to share the wisdom of one
generation with another.
• Grandparent-Grandchild Interview Questions
Mining and passing on the wisdom from one generation to another
Purpose
The purpose of this exercise is to open a line of communication from one generation to another.
Reflection on one’s lived experience has within it nuggets of wisdom from which others can
learn. While the written word is one way to “mine” such wisdom, the impact of oral
communication, the relationship it implies and the story telling that goes with it, sets the stage
for learning that can be lasting. Unless shared from one generation to another, the learning can
be lost. When it is shared, the lives of others, especially our own flesh and blood, can be
strengthened. As Jesus reminded, it can be the difference between building your house on rock
or sand.
As You Begin
The outline of questions below is only suggestive. They are listed in somewhat chronological
order. The interviewer may not want to use all the questions. Be selective. The length of the
responses may determine the number of questions to be asked. It is better to ask a few key
questions in each category than to ask all the questions in one category. We suggest selecting
the questions ahead of time.
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While we call this an interview, make this a conversation with a grandparent rather than an
interview. Don’t hesitate to ask a follow-up question in response to the comments of the
grandparent. By all means, have fun. You may learn some things not previously known.
Starter questions:
Where did you live between the ages of 12 and 17?
How did you heat your home during that time?
What place or room in that house was the place of human warmth? Explain why!
What is your fondest memory as a child? Is there a painful memory during this time?
What was the impact on your life?
What are the experiences you have cherished from your childhood to now?
Who are the significant people in these experiences? What have you learned from them?
Are you more of an introvert (quiet, thinker) or extrovert (outgoing, doer)? How has this
affected your relationship? Your choices?
Continuing questions:
If you divide your life into decades (10 years):
What personal, community or world experiences or happenings are the most
significant in each of these decades?
What was the significance or meaning of these experiences?
What internal changes might the experiences have prompted?
How did these experiences shape your life, shape what you believe?
What beliefs might have been changed by the experiences?
What convictions were developed as a result of the experiences?
What struggles did the experiences present?
When did God become more than a word for you?
How has your idea of God changed over the years?
How would you describe the faith that you “received” as a child? How might this be the
same or different than the faith you now “own?”
What are some of the values you received as a child from your lived experience?
What are some of the values you “taught” your children as a parent?
What insight have you gained about God? Where or how was the insight gained?
What insight have you gained into human nature? Where/how was this gained?
How have you put these two insights together?
What risks have you taken in your life? What dangers have you courted? Why? Why
not? What were the results or impact of having taken them (or not?)
What advice do you have for a grandchild in today’s world?
In what way has suffering been a part of your life? What has been its impact? How did
you deal with it internally? How has this suffering seasoned you? Are there ways in
which suffering has led to your transformation?
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What biblical insights have provided the most “light” for your journey? Are there
biblical texts that are your favorites? Why?
What spiritual practices have most enriched your life? In your practice of faith, where
have you “put your weight down?”
If you were to describe your “call” as a Christian, what would it be?
What are your greatest gifts, strengths?
As you look back, what has been your mission?
Of what achievement are you the most proud?
What disappointments do you have? Are there visions or dreams you had that have not
been realized?
What makes you sad?
Are there regrets in your life?
Can you name three or four “lessons” you would pass on that could anchor my life in the
present and future?
What losses have you experienced? A home? Your sight, hearing, mobility? A child?
Spouse? Parent? Are there “lessons” in these losses that you can share with me?
It has been said one of the most difficult lessons of love is learning to “let go.” Where
have you learned to “let go?” What was the outcome?
How has this conversation been for you? Would you be willing to sit down together
sometime in the future?
Though adapted, the source of some of these questions has come from Engaging in Ministry with Older
Adults by Dosia Carlson and Wellsprings: A Book of Spiritual Exercises by Anthony de Mello.
Glenn Timmons is coordinator for Sustaining Pastoral Excellence, Brethren Academy for Ministerial
Leadership, and member of the planning committee for the 2009 National Older Adult Conference
(NOAC), sponsored by the Caring Ministries of the Church of the Brethren.
Older Adult Month 2009 Observation
Caring Ministries of the Church of the Brethren
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