Scene Eight
Projected child’s drawing of ‘a teddy bears’ picnic’.
Sarah, Sam, and Richard sit on beanbag cushions around a chequered
tablecloth in Sarah’s flat. Edmond kneels uncomfortably on the floor. Sarah
pours tea into dainty teacups…
Richard Annika not come round?
Edmond No.
Richard Children still not yours?
Edmond Yes.
Richard Your children aren’t yours?
Edmond Yes.
Richard Are your children yours?
Edmond Yes.
Richard Annika says they aren’t?
Edmond Yes.
Richard Annika’s wrong?
Edmond Yes.
Sam (to Sarah.) Sugar?
Sarah No sugar. (beat.) Honey?
Sam No honey.
Sarah (giggling.) You calling me honey?
Richard Have you thought of a paternity test?
Edmond –
Richard Have you thought of a paternity test?
Edmond –
Richard Have you/
Edmond I’ve accepted it. (beat.) It’s easier.
Richard You’ve accepted she’s wrong.
Edmond Yes.
Richard Where’s your fight?
Sam (to Sarah.) Mug?
Sarah You calling me a mug?
Edmond I’m acting peacefully.
Richard Playing the victim won’t get you anywhere.
Edmond I’m not a victim.
Richard What are you?
Edmond I’m not a victim.
Richard What are you then?
Edmond I’m not a victim.
Richard What – ?
Edmond I’m dignified.
Richard In a shabby old B&B you hate?
Edmond Yes, in a Bed & Breakfast I hate.
Richard With one change of clothes to your name?
Edmond Two. I have two suits. The second one doesn’t fit me.
Richard As far as I can see, you’re happily playing victim to your wife, after –
how many years of marriage?
Edmond Fifteen.
Richard Fifteen years later your wife turns around and declares –
Edmond Explains.
Richard Declares –
Edmond Explains.
Richard Your wife turns around and announces your twins never were yours
and proceeds to kick –
Edmond Asks.
Richard Kicks.
Edmond Asks me.
Richard Throws you out of your home and stops you from seeing your twins.
Edmond Yes. It’s not after fifteen years. Annika and I have been married for
fifteen years. We tried to make a baby for seven. It’s eight years since Peter and
Paul were born. So Richard it’s eight years. After eight years.
Richard Thank you Ed-mond for the irrelevant history lesson.
Sarah We’re just one big happy family.
Sam (to Richard.) You’re perfect compared to Ed here aren’t you? Your –
Richard Emily.
Sam – walks out on you, steals your kids from under your nose and now you’re
selling up to pay for all the legal bills… How clever and not like a victim are
you?
Richard At least I’m fighting for my rights…to get them back…
Sam Won’t bring ‘em back. Nothing will.
Richard How do you know? The only thing you’re capable of is falling of
‘frigging’ roofs, stalking ‘Princess’ daughters and missing punches of Spanish
‘git’ lovers… Do you call your actions highly useful?
Sam It’s a whole lot more useful than sitting in a solicitor’s office getting
nowhere. Reality’s out there – in this shit hole we call life.
Sarah Sometimes life can be great.
Richard Edmond what do you intend to do about it?
Edmond Richard Surely you miss your twins?
Edmond Peter and Paul…
Richard You must miss tucking them into bed at night? You must miss kissing
them goodnight? You must miss reading them a bedtime story? You must miss
watching them sleep/
Sam Rub it in won’t you.
Richard I know I do.
Sam We all miss everything we ever had with our kids. There’s no/
Sarah You’re not the only ones missing your children. I’m missing mine.
Richard You don’t have any children.
Sarah Exactly. I’m missing what I’ve never… Maybe never –
Sam (to Richard.) There’s no need to spread the shit and make us all feel
worse about it. Smart arse.
Richard What did you call me?
Sam Smart arse.
Sarah I think we should start a revolution.
Edmond A war.
Richard (standing.) What did you call me?
Sarah We should become activists. Emily Pankhurst is much to be admired for
her activism. Without her I couldn’t vote.
Edmond No. You’d have no rights.
Sam (standing.) Smart arse.
Richard (to Sam.) Loser.
Sarah She had militant tactics.
Edmond Yes. Not forgetting militant Emily Davison who threw herself under
a race horse.
Sam (to Richard.) Smart arse.
Richard (to Sam.) Loser.
Sam (to Richard.) Smart arse.
Richard (to Sam.) Loser.
Sarah Exactly. She knew what she was doing.
Edmond Yes. She died four days later.
Sarah (standing up between the raging men.) Guys, let’s draw a truce and
become activists.
Edmond But we’re Fathers –
Sarah And Sarah.
Edmond We’re Fathers and Sarah in Crises.
Sarah You may all have lost your children but you have gained me!
Richard (to Sarah.) What are you fighting for?
Edmond Sarah has come here to heal men and fathers. She doesn’t want the
same rotten relationships.
Richard Not including Sarah, we’re all here –
Sarah I’m here.
Richard I know. We are all here, not including Sarah; because we have
children we don’t see or hardly see any more. We are all here because our
relationship or marriage with a once significant other has broken –
Sarah Like a cocktail stick.
Richard Has broken/
Sarah Like a cocktail stick/
Richard I’m speaking.
Sarah I’m being active – sharing my own valuable experience.
Richard With a cocktail stick?
Sarah Yes Richard, with a cocktail stick.
Sam Don’t be a cock, we’re as one. One family? Activists remember?
Edmond I still don’t understand what the difference is? A minute ago we were
Fathers in Crises and now we’re activists sitting here as we were, still in crisis.
Richard We’re fathers fighting for justice. Why should our ex’s believe they as
women naturally gain rights to our children? As dads do we care any less? Stuck
right here (pointing to his forehead.) is a/
Sarah I can’t see anything?
Edmond Label.
Richard Spelling out ‘dysfunctional dad’.
Sarah Now I see it.
Richard I’m allowed to send one letter a month to Ollie and Daisy and receive
a photo once every six months. I’m fighting for calls with my – how often do you
see Vicky? When do you see or speak with/
Edmond I don’t.
Richard I calculated I’m missing out on eighty-nine percent of my children’s
life. We’re not the only dads desp/
Sarah I’m desperate.
Richard – to have contact with their kids after a breakup. If we fight this injustice
we’ll be doing it for fathers everywhere. We live in a country where our
government denies dads rights. It’s a bloody corrupt/
Sam Too bloody right.
Richard We’re losers only because we’re men.
Sarah I’m a woman.
Richard We as men have to gain equal rights. Equal rights in parenting.
Edmond Equality for all.
Richard We want justice. It’s only fair. We must fight for it.
Sarah, Sam and Edmond applaud Richard’s soapbox moment.
Richard We need a different name. How can we be called Fathers in Crises?
It’s not empowering enough. We have to show we have fight in us. Activists
need a new name…
Sarah I never liked the name anyway.
Edmond Fathers and Sarah in Crises doesn’t stick anymore.
Sarah What shall we call ourselves?
Edmond Activists in Crises?
Richard Gordon Bennet. You’re just not getting it are you?
Sarah Don’t be rude.
Sam You suggest a name Ricardo.
Richard It has to be about justice. After all that’s what we’re fighting for.
Sam Justice for Dads.
Edmond Heroes fighting Justice.
Sarah Where do heroes come into it?
Edmond Heroes win when they fight for what they believe in.
Richard You’re getting somewhere.
Sam Why not Superheroes?
Sarah Superheroes?
Sam Vix calls me her Superdad. She got me this Superman T-shirt for Father’s
Day last but one…
Sarah giggles.
Sam Hurts.
Sarah Fathers Crusades.
Edmond Crusading Fathers.
Richard Crusading Dads for Justice.
Sam Superdads for Justice.
Edmond Superheroes for Justice.
Sam Superheroes for Justice.
Sarah Superheroes for Justice.
Richard Superheroes 4 Justice.
Sarah Can I be Supergirl?
Richard How are you going to be Supergirl?
Sarah I’ll dress up. I love fancy dress.
Richard Why are you going to dress up?
Sarah For people to see.
Edmond People will see us?
Sam I think that’s the idea. How will they know we exist if they don’t see us?
Edmond People will see us?
Richard Good point, we have to be seen fighting.
Sarah As Superheroes.
Sam Fighting for justice as Superheroes.
Edmond How?
Richard By dressing up.
Edmond Oh.
Sam We’ll dress up as our favourite Superheroes.
Edmond I have two suits.
Sarah Harlequin’s Fancy Dress is fantastic.
Richard We’ll dress up as our favourite Superhero.
Edmond What if I don’t have one?
Sarah Everyone has a favourite Superhero Edmond.
Edmond What if I don’t?
Sam You’ll dress up as Superhero Ed.
Edmond Edmond. And?
Richard And…
Sam And…
Sarah And perform super stunts just like Superheroes in capes and masks.
Edmond Oh god…
Sarah It’ll be fantastic. We’ll have special powers in our secret identities.
Nobody will recognise you.
Edmond What if they do?
Richard You’ll be in tights and Lycra, how many people do you know are used
to seeing you in tights and Lycra?
Edmond Sam We are Superheroes with a mission.
Richard A pro-social mission. We will seek solutions…
Sarah With supersonic powers.
Sam whizzes dynamically around demonstrating his new Superhero power. The
others tremble and shake and block their ears as the sound of the earth quakes
and a projected fire explodes against the galaxy…
Sam I am Superman… I shoot fire from the sky… I’m a God, and protector of
the earth… A saviour of humanity. I possess extraordinary powers… I’m faster
than a speeding bullet… More powerful than a locomotive… I leap tall
buildings in a single bound… Fly high with Superstrength… Superspeed… and
vision powers… Superhearing and… Superbreath… I am an omnivore… I fly
to galaxies and I stop meteors hitting /