Reading
Body
Language
by Susan Constantine
A member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
With all my love I dedicate this book to my beautiful daughters Madison and
McKenzie. You both are my reason to take a breath each day. I love you, Mom
ALPHA BOOKS
Published by Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
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Copyright © 2013 by Alpha Books
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(USA) Inc.
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Printed in the United States of America
Note: This publication contains the opinions and ideas of its author. It is intended to provide helpful
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author and publisher are not engaged in rendering professional services in the book. If the reader
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Most Alpha books are available at special quantity discounts for bulk purchases for sales promotions,
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TQFDJGJDOFFET'PSEFUBJMTXSJUF4QFDJBM.BSLFUT"MQIB#PPLT)VETPO4USFFU/FX:PSL/:
10014.
Publisher: Mike Sanders
Executive Managing Editor: Billy Fields
Senior Acquisitions Editor: Tom Stevens
Development Editor: Susan Zingraf
Senior Production Editor: Kayla Dugger
Copy Editor: Tricia Liebig
Cover Designer: William Thomas
Book Designers: William Thomas, Rebecca Batchelor
Indexer: Johnna VanHoose Dinse
Layout: Brian Massey
Proofreader: Jeanne Clark
Contents
Part 1: Silent Messages...................................................... 1
1
Body Language Basics.......................................... 3
No Smoking Gun.................................................................... 4
Myths and Truths................................................................... 4
Don’t Make Assumptions........................................................ 5
Getting an Accurate Read..................................................... 6
How Clues Are Missed.......................................................... 7
Basic Training: Five Steps to Reading People....................... 9
Step 1—Building Rapport.................................................... 9
Step 2—Mirroring..............................................................11
Step 3—Norming................................................................12
Step 4—Baselining..............................................................12
Step 5—Comparing and Contrasting Behaviors..................13
Field Exercise: A Client Meeting..........................................14
2
First Impressions....................................................17
Snap Judgments......................................................................18
Ten Quick Fixes for Great First Impressions.......................19
Quick Fix #1—Personal Assessment................................... 20
Quick Fix #2—The Handshake.......................................... 22
Quick Fix #3—Eye Contact................................................ 29
Quick Fix #4—The Head Tilt............................................ 30
Quick Fix #5—Head Nods................................................. 30
Quick Fix #6—The Smile.................................................. 30
Quick Fix #7—Great Teeth................................................31
Quick Fix #8—Walking Style.............................................31
Quick Fix #9—Posture....................................................... 32
Quick Fix #10—Open Gestures...........................................33
3
Perception Is Reality............................................ 35
We, the Jury............................................................................35
Case Clothed......................................................................... 38
Clothes Audit...................................................................... 39
Ten Clothing Must-Haves for Women.................................41
Ten Clothing Must-Haves for Men..................................... 42
Sole Searching....................................................................... 44
iv
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Reading Body Language
Looks Do Matter................................................................... 46
Hairstyle............................................................................. 46
Facial Hair......................................................................... 47
Tattoos................................................................................ 48
Piercings............................................................................. 48
Interesting Facts About Appearance.................................... 49
Color Psychology.................................................................. 50
4
Face Time............................................................... 53
The Seven Universal Facial Expressions of Emotions........ 54
Can You Read Faces?.......................................................... 54
Some Reactions Are Predictable...........................................56
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...................................................57
Faces Reveal Competency......................................................61
Tricks of the Trade................................................................ 62
The Eyebrow Flash............................................................. 62
The Head Tilt and Nod.......................................................63
The Lip Pump.....................................................................65
Real Smile, or Crocodile?..................................................... 65
The Smirk.......................................................................... 68
The Smug........................................................................... 68
Raising Your Eye-Q.............................................................. 69
Revealing Pupils................................................................. 70
The Eye Pull........................................................................71
Avoidance............................................................................71
Field Trip............................................................................... 72
When Claudia Met Paul.................................................... 72
Overwhelmed with Joy.........................................................73
Power Play...........................................................................73
Even a Nonexpression
Is an Expression.................................................................. 73
5
How People Learn and Communicate............. 75
Styles of Learning..................................................................75
How to Read Learning Styles Through
Body Language....................................................................76
Visual Body Language.........................................................76
Auditory Body Language.................................................... 77
Kinesthetic Body Language................................................. 78
Contents
v
What Style Are You?............................................................. 79
Visual................................................................................. 80
Auditory............................................................................. 80
Kinesthetic...........................................................................81
Apply What You’ve Learned................................................ 82
Take 1................................................................................ 82
Take 2.................................................................................83
Take 3................................................................................ 84
Reading Key Phrases..............................................................85
Effective Communication..................................................... 88
Part 2: Body Talk.............................................................. 89
6
See What You’ve Been Missing..........................91
Eye Witness............................................................................91
NLP....................................................................................... 92
Sensory or Representation Systems..................................... 93
Look Here........................................................................... 94
Eyes on the Prize.................................................................95
No Eye Movement.............................................................. 96
What’s Your Style?................................................................ 96
Building Your Eye Reading Skills........................................ 97
The Big Chill...................................................................... 97
Total Recall......................................................................... 97
Mixed Blessing.................................................................... 98
Risky Business..................................................................... 98
Lyin’ Eyes.............................................................................. 99
7
Cultural Gestures.................................................101
Illustrators and Emblems.....................................................101
Australia...........................................................................103
Belgium............................................................................ 104
Cambodia..........................................................................105
China............................................................................... 106
Chile................................................................................. 107
East Africa........................................................................109
India..................................................................................110
Italy...................................................................................110
Peru..................................................................................113
A Few More..........................................................................115
Top Five Most Misunderstood Hand Gestures.................117
vi
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Reading Body Language
8
Illustrative Gestures............................................ 121
Illustrating Your Point.........................................................121
Regulators..........................................................................122
Metaphors..........................................................................122
Icons..................................................................................123
Affectation.........................................................................123
Putting Gestures to Work...................................................123
Persuasion.........................................................................123
Cooperation........................................................................125
Motivation.........................................................................126
Inspiration.........................................................................127
Compassion........................................................................128
Authority...........................................................................129
Visualization.....................................................................129
Punctuation.......................................................................129
What Gestures Say About You............................................130
The Hammerhead..............................................................131
Blame Game......................................................................131
The Put Down...................................................................132
Backward Wrist Slap.........................................................133
The Limp Wrist................................................................134
Do’s and Don’ts of Gestures................................................135
9
Display of Emotions............................................137
Central Casting....................................................................137
What’s My Motivation?.......................................................138
Confidence.........................................................................139
Low Self-Esteem................................................................140
Arrogance..........................................................................141
Deception...........................................................................142
Flirtation...........................................................................143
Anger............................................................................... 144
Nervousness/Anxiety..........................................................145
Depression.........................................................................146
Self-Doubt.........................................................................147
Listen to Me!.....................................................................148
Critical..............................................................................149
Power Play.........................................................................150
Appreciation......................................................................151
Crossed Arms: The All-Purpose Gesture..........................152
Contents
10
vii
Best Foot Forward............................................. 155
Exit, Stage Left.....................................................................155
Enter, Stage (F)right............................................................156
Foot Rapport.........................................................................158
Rocking It.............................................................................160
Tenuous and Solid Ground..................................................161
The Ankle Cross..................................................................162
Foot Flirt...............................................................................163
Time to Go...........................................................................165
Brace Yourself.......................................................................165
The Kick Back......................................................................166
It’s Time to Leave................................................................167
Floor Tap..............................................................................168
Reading Feet for an Advantage...........................................168
Part 3: Deception Detection..........................................171
11
Why Kids Lie.........................................................173
Why Do Kids Lie?...............................................................173
Motivation: The What Behind the Why............................174
Fear of Punishment...........................................................174
Personal Gain....................................................................176
Peer Pressure.....................................................................176
Protect Themselves from Harm.........................................177
Protect Others from Harm................................................178
Fear of Embarrassment or Shame......................................178
Gain Admiration or Attention...........................................178
White Lies........................................................................... 180
Trust, but Verify...................................................................181
The Kelly Conundrum........................................................182
12
Body of Evidence............................................... 185
Different Kinds of Lies........................................................186
High-Stakes Lies...............................................................186
Day-to-Day Lies................................................................187
Self-Deception....................................................................187
Concealment......................................................................187
Partial Truths...................................................................188
Tricks of the Trade...............................................................188
viii
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Reading Body Language
Deceptive Demeanor............................................................189
Lack of Illustrators............................................................ 194
Duping Delight....................................................................195
Documenting Behavior Clues.............................................196
13
Lying Styles.......................................................... 199
Read My Lips........................................................................199
Argumentum ad Ignorantiam.......................................... 200
Exaggeration.................................................................... 200
Argumentum ad Hominem.............................................. 200
Pettifoggery...................................................................... 201
Poisoning the Well............................................................ 202
Repeated Assertion............................................................ 202
“You Don’t Understand”.................................................. 202
Lying by Referral.............................................................. 203
The Third-Person Gimmick............................................. 203
Loophole Lying.................................................................. 203
The Nonresponsive Liar.................................................... 204
Testing the Waters............................................................ 204
Deceptive Truths................................................................. 204
Al Beback.......................................................................... 205
Hints................................................................................ 205
Innuendo.......................................................................... 205
Hyperbole.......................................................................... 206
Euphemism....................................................................... 206
14
Voice and Vocabulary....................................... 207
I’m Counting on You.......................................................... 208
The “I” Word................................................................... 209
Other Revealing Words..................................................... 209
LIWC and Lying.................................................................210
How You Say It.....................................................................212
Inflection...........................................................................213
Pace...................................................................................213
Lowered Voice....................................................................213
Mumbling..........................................................................214
Buying Time......................................................................214
Monotone...........................................................................214
Laughing...........................................................................214
Contents
ix
Part 4: Strictly Business................................................. 217
15
Body Language for Job Interviews................ 219
How to Dazzle a Potential Employer..................................219
Do Your Homework.......................................................... 220
The Waiting Area............................................................. 220
Travel Light...................................................................... 220
Dress Accordingly...............................................................221
Meet and Greet.................................................................222
Entering the Interview......................................................222
Hand Placement................................................................224
Level Eyes..........................................................................225
Saving Face...................................................................... 226
Frame It........................................................................... 228
Nod Your Head................................................................. 228
Use Color.......................................................................... 228
Signs Your Interview Is Headed South...............................229
Leaning Back.....................................................................229
Checking the Time.............................................................229
A Critical Eye................................................................... 230
Body Angles.......................................................................231
The Blank Stare................................................................231
You’re Out.........................................................................231
Signs the Interview Is Going Well.....................................232
16
Body Language of Leaders..............................235
Suggestology.........................................................................235
Making a Persuasive Presentation.......................................236
Step 1: Welcome.................................................................237
Step 2: Introductions..........................................................237
Step 3: Participation Prompts............................................237
Step 4: Spatial Anchoring—The Bad News........................238
Step 5: Spatial Anchoring—The Good News......................238
Step 6: Center Stage..........................................................239
Step 7: The Close...............................................................242
x
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Reading Body Language
17
Negotiation Signals........................................... 245
The Trump Card..................................................................245
Tap Dancing......................................................................247
Rocking..............................................................................247
Rubbing Hands Together....................................................247
Grooming Gestures............................................................247
Karate Chop......................................................................247
Finger Pointing................................................................ 248
Face Scratching................................................................. 249
Pupil Dilation................................................................... 249
Ring Around the Collar.....................................................250
Flared Nostrils...................................................................250
Wedding Ring Twist..........................................................251
Squirming.........................................................................252
Leaning Away....................................................................252
Reserving Judgment..........................................................252
Critical Thinking..............................................................253
Chin Stroking....................................................................254
Steeple...............................................................................255
Closed Hand Gestures........................................................256
What Am I Thinking?.........................................................256
Gaining Cooperation...........................................................257
Seating Arrangements.......................................................257
Conflict Resolution.............................................................258
Using Minimal Encouragers..............................................259
Putting It All Together....................................................... 260
18
The Language of Attraction.............................263
Open Your Eyes....................................................................263
Attractor Factor................................................................ 264
Eye Gazing........................................................................265
Do This.................................................................................267
Show Your Vulnerable Side............................................... 267
Use Your Hair.................................................................. 268
Peekaboo............................................................................269
Dangle Your Shoe..............................................................269
Stand Tall........................................................................ 270
Lick Your Lips.................................................................. 270
Glance Over Your Shoulder...............................................271
Embrace Your Curves....................................................... 272
Remain Mysterious........................................................... 272
Contents
xi
Don’t Do This......................................................................273
Wandering Eyes.................................................................273
Back Pats...........................................................................273
Last-Minute Invitations....................................................274
Shifty Eyes.........................................................................275
Cell Phone Fascination.......................................................275
Cold Shoulder....................................................................276
Too Much Too Soon........................................................... 277
Reading Your Date...............................................................278
Appendixes
AReferences............................................................ 281
BAnswers.................................................................285
Index...................................................................... 291
Introduction
This is where it all began over a decade ago. I bought my first book
on how to read body language. As a jury consultant, I wanted to
know how to read jurors better.
Armed with my new knowledge, I watched the prospective jurors
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really tough life, the small business owner, the college student, the
military retiree … the list goes on.
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HBWFBGJWFNJOVUFSVOEPXOPGUIFJSMJGFBOEXPSMEWJFX*QBJEBUUFO
tion and made notes on their tone, voice inflection, punctuation, and
how well they articulated their words.
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TUZMFEUIFDBTFBOESFBEUIFDIBSHF‡NVSEFSJOUIFGJSTUEFHSFF
*ňDPVMEBDUVBMMZsee UIFJSGFFMJOHT‡TPNFTVSQSJTFEPUIFSTTBEEFOFE
one had a smirk on her face, another scratched his neck.
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every facial tic, and the way each prospective juror held his or her
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feeling.
"QQMZJOHXIBU*EMFBSOFE*NBEFNZKVSPSTFMFDUJPOTNBSWFMJOHBU
how much my new knowledge of body language helped the pieces
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As your body language mentor, I will guide you through as we
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DPNNVOJDBUJPO.BOZPGUIFTDFOBSJPTBSFUSVFFYQFSJFODFTESBXO
from my mediation practice, my time in the courtroom, my own
family, and stories I have heard from clients who have attended my
training seminars.
xiv
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Reading Body Language
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will forever be changed if you follow these steps and techniques.
3BUIFSUIJTCPPLJTCBTFEPOUIFSFBMJUJFTPGFWFSZEBZMJGFSFNBJOJOH
authentic and true and based on solid research, not merely subjective
opinion.
How This Book Is Organized
Part 1, Silent Messages, begins with a body language boot camp.
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GVOFBTZUPSFBEGPSNBUUIBUXJMMLFFQZPVFOHBHFE:PVMMMFBSOIPX
to build and maintain rapport with anyone and have them eating out
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BCJMJUZUPSFUBJODBQUVSFBOETUPSFJOGPSNBUJPOJOPVSCSBJOT:PVMM
MFBSOIPXUPSFBEUIFNVTDMFTJOPUIFSQFPQMFTGBDFTUIBUBSFEFBE
giveaways to know how they are feeling, a powerful negotiation skill
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a strong message about your character, abilities, and trustworthiness.
8IBUZPVXFBSDBOFYQPTFZPVSBHFJODPNFBOETFDSFUTZPVNJHIU
OPUFWFOLOPXBCPVUZPVSTFMG8FMMTIBSFUIFEPTBOEEPOUTXIFO
applying for a job interview or going on a date, as well as the mean
ing behind different handshakes.
Part 2, Body Talk, begins to dig a bit deeper into how you commu
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eye movements through seeing, hearing, and feeling. Along the way,
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UJPO:PVMMMFBSOUIFNFBOJOHTCFIJOEDVMUVSBMHFTUVSFTBTXFMMBT
norms of what to do and not do when traveling around the world or
simply encountering people of other cultures in your neighborhood.
"OEXIFOZPVUSBWFMCBDLUPUIF6OJUFE4UBUFTZPVMMMFBSOIPXUP
use hand and arm gestures to convey your message to others to lead,
motivate, inspire, and persuade them in business negotiations, sales,
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ZPVMMMFBSOXIFUIFSZPVSFSFBEZUPUBLFBIJLFPSZPVSFUBLJOHMJGF
one step at a time.
Part 3, Deception Detection, is all about reading deception,
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to big fat whoppers, and when you should be concerned and when
Introduction
xv
not to worry. This part gets to the heart of what everyone is curi
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:PVMMMFBSOIPXUPEFDJQIFSFYDVTFTQFPQMFHJWFZPVBOEXIBUUIFZ
BSFSFBMMZSFWFBMJOH"GUFSSFBEJOHUIJTQBSUZPVMMOPMPOHFSCFMPPL
JOHUISPVHISPTFDPMPSFEHMBTTFTJUXJMMBMMCFDSZTUBMDMFBS
Part 4, Strictly Business, teaches you to how to successfully navi
gate a job interview from start to finish to land you that dream job
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OFHPUJBUJPOUBDUJDTCVZTJHOTBOETJHOTPGSFTJTUBODF:PVMMMFBSO
how effective speakers move about the room and use space as a pow
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south, and how to change your course to seal the deal. Then we
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Extras
Additional information is found in sidebars within each chapter.
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WORKIN’ IT
Helpful body language tips and techniques.
BODY BLOCK
Common mistakes and cautions regarding the use of certain body
language skills.
SAY WHAT?
Quotes and definitions pertaining to the subject matter.
YA DON’T SAY
Interesting asides and water-cooler–worthy insights.
xvi
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Reading Body Language
Acknowledgments
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,VIO"TTPDJBUFTJO0SMBOEP'MPSJEB:PVSUBMFOUTBOEDSFBUJWF
writing and editing make my words jump off the page to deliver the
true essence of my message to my readers.
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artistic creative abilities in capturing all the images and photos
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throughout the book.
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Florida, for providing the photography studio and locations for the
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school owner, for providing the majority of the professional actors
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A special thanks to all my actors and models. Your dedication
and time devoted to the project were overwhelming and deeply
appreciated.
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CPUIGPSZPVSUSBJOJOHNBUFSJBMTJOSFBEJOHGBDJBMFYQSFTTJPOTBOE
intercultural communications. I am proud to be an affiliate trainer
for your company, Humintell.
5IBOLZPV%S+BNFT1FOOFCBLFSGPSZPVSDPOUSJCVUJPOCZQSP
viding your research and graph for reading the words people say, as
author of The Secret Life of Pronouns.
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when searching for the perfect writer for The Complete Idiot’s Guide
to Reading Body Language:PVSFBCFBVUJGVMTPVMBOEBOJOTQJSBUJPO
Thank you so much for the wonderful opportunity and for making
this all happen. And thank you, Tom Stevens, senior acquisitions edi
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whole way.
Introduction
xvii
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of eyes, support, and guidance as well as the technical writer for this
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Most of all, to the loves of my life, my children. Thank you, my two
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ing Mom all the way and putting up with my time spent plugging
away on the computer. You are who I live for and my reason to take
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is nothing you could ever say or do that would make me stop loving
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Mommy.”
Special Thanks to the Technical Reviewer
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Reading Body Language was reviewed by
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to help us ensure that this book gives you everything you need to
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Trademarks
All terms mentioned in this book that are known to be or are sus
pected of being trademarks or service marks have been appropriately
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*ODDBOOPU
attest to the accuracy of this information. Use of a term in this book
should not be regarded as affecting the validity of any trademark or
service mark.
Part
Silent Messages
1
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and truths, with warnings against common assumptions, and
gives you basic training in rapport building and other useful
techniques.
'JSTUJNQSFTTJPOTBSFMBTUJOHBOEZPVMMEJTDPWFSIPXCPEZ
language cues such as your handshake, your walk, and your eye
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out that the colors you wear can affect how trustworthy you
appear.
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:PVMMMFBSOUPEFUFSNJOFMFBSOJOHTUZMFTBOEIPXUPQVUUIBU
knowledge to use reading communication styles through body
language.
Body Language
Basics
Chapter
1
In This Chapter
t What reading body language is and what it isn’t
t How to avoid assumptions and blindness
t What the five-step process is to reading people
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fictional character.
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1. There is no one definitive way to tell if someone is lying.
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Everything else, as with body language itself, is subject to inter
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interpretation of thoughts BOEGFFMJOHTFYUFSOBMJ[FEUISPVHIBDPN
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tone of voice. Part art and part science, reading body language is a
combination of subjective and objective analyses based on grounded
research.
In this chapter, you learn basic concepts that are fundamental in
building a foundation for reading body language, including under
standing assumptions, inherent blindness, and the process of
connecting with other people.
4
Part 1: Silent Messages
No Smoking Gun
There is no one bodily gesture that has a single definitive meaning,
so that leaves a lot of room for interpretation. As it turns out, with
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notoriously bad at reading each other.
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county judges, police officers, and clinical psychologists. Federal
judges and secret service professionals, however, do a better job at
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higher.
YA DON’T SAY
There is no one gesture that is a dead giveaway when it comes to reading someone.
Myths and Truths
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did you sum them up in a microsecond, only to discover later that
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BODY BLOCK
Having the ability to read people accurately is a powerful tool. But with
great power comes great responsibility. Keep the skills you learn in
perspective, and use them responsibly.
Making the wrong assessment about someone can be embarrassing
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body language to help you get started on the right foot.
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r#PEZMBOHVBHFgestures have specific meanings.
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