Habits to Live By
A Virtual Personal Development
Course
Adapted from Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
Habits to Live By
• Welcome to the Woodson Center’s
Neighborhood Leadership Development
Institute On-Line (www.woodsoncenter.org).
• This time series training and development
course is for community and faith based
organizational leaders.
• The course is designed to provide
development in three areas: personal,
organizational, and community.
WC NLDI Online
2
Habits to Live By
• Each program curriculum track has several
workshops that are presented using social
media, to include GoToMeetings.
• Each program curriculum track may be recorded
and placed on the WC’s web site for viewing in
the convenience of your home or office. The
address is www.woodsoncenter.org.
• In the future, participants will be able to get
Continuing Education Units for each workshop.
• In the meantime, please complete the survey
monkey at the end of each module.
WC NLDI Online
3
Habits to Live By
• Tools you will need in this course:
– Access to a computer and the internet.
– Approximately 1 hour of time availability to
attend once a week online sessions and
participate in the virtual dialogue or the
recorded version.
– A pen or pencil
– A composition book to take notes.
WC NLDI Online
4
Habits to Live By
• We have been discussing Personal
Development to date.
• This track has three components: Habits
to Live By, Career Development, and
Financial Literacy.
• Habits to Live by is adapted from the work
of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by
Stephen Covey.
WC NLDI Online
5
Habits to Live By
• 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
represent a holistic, integrated approach to
personal and interpersonal effectiveness.
• The real beauty of the Habits lies in the
relationship among the habits and how
those habits positively impact individuals,
their co-workers, family and community.
WC NLDI Online
6
Habits to Live By
• In Part 1 we defined a habit as where
Knowledge, Skill and Desire come
together:
• Leadership: setting the tone and having
a balance between character and competence.
• We challenge our mindsets as they impact
perceptions.
WC NLDI Online
7
Habits to Live
• In Part 2—Habit 1-- BE PROACTIVE you
are The Creator; you are in charge.
• Use our self-awareness and imagination to
visualize beyond the experience and
present reality—The Creator
• Make decisions that align with our values.
• Focus on our Circle of Influence.
WC NLDI Online
8
Habits to Live By
• Part 3--Habit 2- Begin with the End in Mind
(the Creation)-you crystalize that mental
image of self using imagination to create
the end you desire.
• Develop a personal mission statement to
align with our values.
• Use the vision/mission statement and
goals to develop a plan for our lives.
WC NLDI Online
9
Habits to Live By
• Now we can focus on results, know where
we want to be and when we have arrived,
give meaning and purpose to what we do.
• What legacy do we leave if we follow this
plan? …
WC NLDI Online
10
Habits to Live By
• Part 4—Habit 3--Put First Things First
• We explored the aspects of our lives to
identify what was most important to us.
• We also examined how cluttered our lives
were with things that are important and
urgent (the crises) and what little effort we
put into things that are important, but not
urgent.
WC NLDI Online
11
Habits to Live By
• When we put First Things First we can
minimize the crises and better manage the
events in our lives.
WC NLDI Online
12
Habits to Live By
Part 5- Habit 4-Think Win/Win draws upon our
character traits of:
– Integrity-principled values placed on yourself;
– Maturity-balancing courage and
consideration; and
– Abundance Mentality-plenty, not scarcity.
• It requires us to build a Personal Bank Account
in our human interactions that allow us to
develop Agreements that reflect mutual
benefit for all parties
• .
WC NLDI Online
13
Habits to Live By
• The Agreements for performance or for
partnership
-- Define the mutual benefit to all
parties.
-- Set the standards and expectations.
-- Define the results/accomplishments.
-- Allows all parties to evaluate
themselves.
WC NLDI Online
14
Habits to Live By
WC NLDI Online
15
Habits to Live By
• Habit 5: Seek First to Understand… then
Seek to Be Understood”
– This habit challenges us to use our character
to improve relationships by improving our
listening skills.
– True communications occur when we hear
one another with empathetic listening.
– This habit requires that we use self-discipline
and be quick to listen, slow to speak and the
wisdom to know the difference.
WC NLDI Online
16
Habits to Live By
• Communications is the process of
exchanging information for the purpose of
informing, persuading, entertaining, or
directing.
• It’s a 2-way process involving four
components: the sender, the message, the
receiver, and feedback.
• Communications occur in a verbal and nonverbal context.
WC NLDI Online
17
Habits to Live By
• The effectiveness of communications
flows out of the character of the sender
and their experience with the receiver.
• When character inspires openness and
trust an Emotional Bank Account is
created.
• Emotional Bank Account facilitates
communications– the receiver accepts and
trusts the message the sender intended.
WC NLDI Online
18
Habits to Live By
• What are the challenges of
communication?
• List some of the times you have difficulty
communicating with:
– Supervisor
– Spouse
– Child
– Co-worker or employee
WC NLDI Online
19
Habits to Live By
• List the barriers you have to listening for
mutual understanding with your:
– Supervisor
– Spouse
– Child
– Co-worker or employee
WC NLDI Online
20
Habits to Live By
• Anticipating the person’s next statement or
solution to the problem before the person
conveys the problem as they see it leads
to difficulty in communications.
• Most people listen to be understood, ready
to give a reply.
• Listening First to Understand is within your
circle of influence.
WC NLDI Online
21
Habits to Live By
• There are five levels of listening:
• Ignore – make no effort to listen.
• Pretend Listening – making believe or giving the appearance
you are listening.
• Selective Listening – Hearing only the parts of the
conversation that interest you.
• Attentive Listening – paying attention and focusing on what
the speaker says, and comparing that to your own
experiences.
• Empathic Listening – listening and responding with both the
heart and mind to understand the speaker’s words, intent, and
feelings.
WC NLDI Online
22
Habits to Live By
• Activity:
• Discuss how you can tell when someone is
listening to you at each of the five levels. What
attitudes and behaviors (including nonverbal
behaviors) do you observe?
–
–
–
–
–
Ignoring
Pretend Listening
Selective Listening
Attentive Listening
Empathic Listening
WC NLDI Online
23
Habits to Live By
• Often we respond to people based on our
own experiences.
• We tend to Advise others….Give counsel, advice, and
solutions to problems.
• We tend to Probe….Ask questions from our world view
or agenda.
• We tend to Interprete….Try to peep out the other
person’s “hole” card and to determine their motives and
behavior.
• We tend to Evaluate….Either agree or disagree.
WC NLDI Online
24
Habits to Live By
• Resist the temptation to:
–Jump to conclusions
–Hastily diagnose
–Defend yourselve
–Pushing your opinions on other
people
WC NLDI Online
25
Habits to Live By
• We want the skill of empathetic listening to
become a Habit.
--Hearing and understanding from the other
person’s point of view or frame of
reference.
--Examining verbal and nonverbal messages
--Understanding the meaning of the other
person’s communications.
WC NLDI Online
26
Habits to Live By
WC NLDI Online
27
Habits to Live By
• I’m sure that you have heard that actions speak
louder than words.
• Ohio State University Researchers reported that
people communicate verbally 35% of the time and
nonverbally 65% of the time.
• Whether the researchers are Covey, Ohio State or
cultural customs, nonverbal body language plays a
dominant role in communicating with others.
– Verbal and nonverbal communications are often
complimentary of each other and should be factored into
interpreting the messages.
WC NLDI Online
28
Habits to Live By
• Practice Empathy Activity (Help The Other
Person Feel Understood):
• Engage in a conversation with a family
member or co-worker with whom you have
had challenging communications. While
conversing…
– Repeat verbatim the content of what they are
saying – words only, not feelings.
– Rephrase content-summarize the meaning in
your own words
WC NLDI Online
29
Habits to Live By
• Practice Empathy Activity (Help The Other
Person Feel Understood):
– Reflect their feelings-look more deeply and begin to
capture feelings in your own words. Look beyond
words for body language and tone to indicate
feelings.
– Rephrase content and reflect feelings-express both
their words and their feelings in your own words.
– Discern when empathy is not necessary or
appropriate.
WC NLDI Online
30
Habits to Live By
• Role Play: A conversation between a
father and son.
• Scenario 1:
• Listen for responses that evaluate, probe,
interpret or advise.
• Scenario 2:
• Listen for repeat, rephrase, reflect
feelings, rephrase content and discern.
WC NLDI Online
31
Habits to Live By
• In Scenario 1:
• --Where did you sense that the father was
evaluating, advising or probing?
• --Do you feel that the father added or
subtracted from the Emotional Bank
Account with the son?
• --Did the father find out what the son’s
problem was?
WC NLDI Online
32
Habits to Live By
• In Scenario 2:
• --Why was the father able to find out what
the son’s real concerns were?
• --How did the father build or add to the
Emotional Bank Account with his son?
• The father listened to understand.
WC NLDI Online
33
Habits to Live By
• Use “I” messages
• Resist starting out with “You” messages as
these messages causes the other person
to become defensive.
• Let’s Practice using empathic responses:
– A volunteer is asked to describe a situation in
their personal or professional world that they
feel strongly about and wouldn’t mind sharing
with the rest of us.
WC NLDI Online
34
Habits to Live By
• Using the steps mentioned earlier, let’s
give our colleague some examples of
empathic responses to his situation.
• Repeat, rephrase, rephrase again, and
discern.
• Our goal is to understand the other person
first, before trying to be understood.
WC NLDI Online
35
Habits to Live By
• Let’s think about our own real life situations
where we may need to apply this skill and write
them in your notebook:
– Describe the relationship(s) in which you need to
use empathetic listening.
– What is your usual response to this situation?
– How does your attitude influence your listening in
this relationship?
– Specifically, what will you do to apply empathy
the next time you interact in this relationship?
WC NLDI Online
36
Habits to Live By
• In Summary…..
• Be intentional and practice empathic listening on a daily
basis.
• Listen to comprehend from the other person’s point of
view.
• Resist responding automatically from your world view.
• Nonverbal messages communicate more than verbal
messages.
• Empathic listening is a highly effective habit in personal
interactions.
WC NLDI Online
37
Habits to Live By
• Next Steps
• We have placed an exit questionnaire on
survey monkey for you to complete to
assess how well you have retained this
module’s information.
• Complete the survey by going to
https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/PV7HNB
B weblink.
WC NLDI Online
38
Habits to Live By
WC NLDI Online
39
Habits to Live By
• Our next NLDI training session is April 12.
WC NLDI Online
40
Habits to Live By
• Thank you for engaging in this on line
presentation.
• Visit www.woodsoncenter.org for stories of
individual, organizational and community
leaders who are taking one step at a time
to make a difference in their community.
• Send us your stories and we will place
them on our virtual wall of iconic leaders.
WC NLDI Online
41