315687_ch_05.qxd 01/16/03 8:01 AM Page 67
CHAPTER
5
Illustration
To illustrate is to explain a general statement by means of one or more specific
examples.
Illustration makes what we say more vivid and more exact. Someone might
say, “My math professor is always finding crazy ways to get our attention. Just
yesterday, for example, he wore a high silk hat to class.” The first sentence is a
general statement about this professor’s unusual ways of getting attention. The
second sentence, however, gives a specific example of something he did that
clearly shows what the writer means.
Writers often use illustration to develop a paragraph. They explain a general
topic sentence with one, two, three, or more specific examples. Detailed and wellchosen examples add interest, liveliness, and power to your writing.
Topic Sentence
Here is the topic sentence of a paragraph that is later developed by examples:
Great athletes do not reach the top by talent alone but by pushing
themselves to the limit and beyond.
■
The writer begins an illustration paragraph with a topic sentence that makes a
general statement.
■
This generalization may be obvious to the writer, but if he or she wishes to convince the reader, some specific examples would be helpful.
67
315687_ch_05.qxd 01/16/03 8:01 AM Page 68
68
UNIT 3
Developing the Paragraph
Paragraph and Plan
Here is the entire paragraph:
Great athletes do not reach the top by talent alone but by pushing
themselves to the limit and beyond. For instance, golf legend Tiger Woods
keeps striving for perfection. Long after dark—even during tournaments—
he practices at the driving range, hitting ball after ball. Even after winning
his first Masters Tournament in 1997, Tiger spent 18 months refining his
swing. Recently, he added twenty pounds of muscle to his lean frame with
a secret training plan. Another example is hard-working tennis star Serena
Williams, who practices on the court for hours each day with her sister
Venus. Serena builds her speed and strength with yoga, running, weightlifting, and boxing. By studying videotapes of all her matches, she constantly improves her game. Perhaps no player in any sport, however, can
match the work ethic of Lance Armstrong. In 1996, this bicycle racer was diagnosed with testicular cancer that had spread to his brain and lungs. After
surgery and chemotherapy left him weak and exhausted, Armstrong began
a brutal training regimen, following a strict diet and cycling up to six hours
a day. His commitment paid off when, in 1999 and every year through
2002, he won the Tour de France, cycling’s toughest race. Like many top
athletes, he turned his talent into greatness through sheer hard work.
■
How many examples does the writer use to develop the topic sentence?
■
Who are they?
Before completing this illustration paragraph, the writer probably made an
outline or plan like this:
Topic Sentence: Great athletes do not reach the top by talent alone but by pushing themselves to the limit and beyond.
Example 1: Tiger Woods
—practices after dark—even during tournaments
—after first Masters, 18 months improving swing
—added 20 pounds of muscle—secret plan
Example 2: Serena Williams
—practices hours a day with Venus
—yoga, running, weights, boxing
—studies videos of her matches
Example 3: Lance Armstrong
—1996, cancer diagnosis
—after surgery and chemo, strict training (diet, cycling)
—won Tour de France, 1999–2002
315687_ch_05.qxd 01/16/03 8:01 AM Page 69
CHAPTER 5
Illustration
69
Conclusion: Like many top athletes, he turned talent into greatness through
sheer hard work.
■
Note that each example clearly relates to and supports the topic sentence.
Instead of using three or four examples to support the topic sentence, the
writer may prefer instead to discuss one single example:
Many schools in the twenty-first century will look more like elegant
shopping malls than like old-fashioned school buildings. The new Carl
Sandburg High School in Chicago is just one example. Now being redesigned, the school will feature a main library with the comfortable,
open layout of a super-bookstore like Barnes & Noble or Borders. The
physical education facilities will include rock-climbing walls and other
features now seen in health clubs. Carl Sandburg’s cafeteria will be laid
out like a food court, not only giving students more choices, but eliminating the long lunch lines that caused delays in the old high school.
Retailers have learned how to create attractive, practical public spaces,
and many modern school planners think it’s time that school officials
learned the same lessons.
■
What is the general statement?
■
What specific example does the writer give to support the general statement?
The single example may also be a narrative,* a story that illustrates the topic
sentence.
Aggressive drivers not only are stressed out and dangerous, but
often they save no time getting where they want to go. Recently I was
driving south from Oakland to San Jose. Traffic was heavy but moving. I
noticed an extremely aggressive driver jumping lanes, speeding up and
slowing down. Clearly, he was in a hurry. For the most part, I remained
in one lane for the entire forty-mile journey. I was listening to a new
audiotape and daydreaming. I enjoyed the trip because driving gives me
a chance to be alone. As I was exiting off the freeway, the aggressive
driver crowded up behind me and raced on by. Without realizing it, I had
arrived in San Jose ahead of him. All his weaving, rapid acceleration, and
putting families at risk had earned him nothing except perhaps some
high blood pressure and a great deal of wear and tear on his vehicle.
—Adapted from Richard Carlson, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
* For more on narrative, see Chapter 6, “Narration,” and Chapter 15, “Types of Essays,” Part B.
315687_ch_05.qxd 01/16/03 8:01 AM Page 70
70
UNIT 3
Developing the Paragraph
■
What general statement does the aggressive driver story illustrate?
■
Note that this narrative follows time order.*
Transitional Expressions
The simplest way to tell your reader that an example is going to follow is to say
so: “For instance, Tiger Woods . . .” or “The new Carl Sandburg High School is just
one example.” This partial list should help you vary your use of transitional expressions that introduce an illustration:
Transitional Expressions for Illustration
■
for instance
another instance of
for example
another example of
an illustration of this
another illustration of
a case in point is
here are a few examples
to illustrate
(illustrations, instances)
Be careful not to use more than two or three of these transitional expressions
in a single paragraph.†
PRACTICE 1
Read each of the following paragraphs of illustration. Underline each topic sentence. Note in the margin how many examples are provided to illustrate each general statement.
Paragraph 1
Random acts of kindness are those little sweet or grand lovely things we do
for no reason except that, momentarily, the best of our humanity has sprung . . .
into full bloom. When you spontaneously give an old woman the bouquet of red
carnations you had meant to take home to your own dinner table, when you give
your lunch to the guitar-playing beggar who makes music at the corner between
your two subway stops, when you anonymously put coins in someone else’s
parking meter because you see the red “Expired” medallion signaling to a meter
maid—you are doing not what life requires of you, but what the best of your
human soul invites you to do.
—Daphne Rose Kingma, Random Acts of Kindness
* For more work on time order, see Chapter 4, “Achieving Coherence,” Part A.
† For a complete essay developed by illustration, see “Libraries of the Future—Now,” Chapter 15,
Part A.
315687_ch_05.qxd 01/16/03 8:01 AM Page 71
CHAPTER 5
Paragraph 2
Illustration
71
There are many quirky variations to lightning. A “bolt from the blue” occurs
when a long horizontal flash suddenly turns toward the earth, many miles from
the storm. “St. Elmo’s Fire,” often seen by sailors and mountain climbers, is a pale
blue or green light caused by weak electrical discharges that cling to trees,
airplanes, and ships’ masts. “Pearl lightning” occurs when flashes are broken into
segments. “Ball lightning” can be from an inch to several feet in diameter. Pearls
and balls are often mistaken for flying saucers or UFOs, and many scientists believe they are only optical illusions.
—Reed McManus, Sierra Magazine
PRACTICE 2
Example
Each example in a paragraph of illustration must clearly relate to and support the
general statement. Each general statement in this practice is followed by several
examples. Circle the letter of any example that does not clearly illustrate the generalization. Be prepared to explain your choices.
The museum contains many fascinating examples of African art.
a. It houses a fine collection of Ashanti fertility dolls.
b. Drums and shamans’ costumes are displayed on the second floor.
c. The museum building was once the home of Frederick Douglass. (The fact that
the building was once the home of Frederick Douglass is not an example of
African art.)
1. The International Space Station is designed for efficient use of limited space.
a. Food has been dehydrated so it can be stored in tiny packages.
b. Special science laboratories onboard are the size of clothes closets.
c. Daily life in the space station can be observed by 90 percent of the world’s
population.
d. Each little “bedroom” can be folded and stored in a single sleeping bag.
2. Today’s global companies sometimes find that their product names and slogans can translate into embarrassing bloopers.
a. Pepsi’s slogan “Come alive with the Pepsi Generation” didn’t work in Taiwan, where it meant “Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead.”
b. When General Motors introduced its Chevy Nova in South America, company officials didn’t realize that no va in Spanish means “it won’t go.”
c. In Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan “finger-lickin’ good” means
“eat your fingers off.”
d. Nike runs the same ad campaign in several countries, changing the ad
slightly to fit each culture.
3. Natural remedies are now widely used to treat common ailments.
a. Asthma is more common than ever and has become a serious problem
among children.
b. Many people take the vitamin niacin to lower high cholesterol.
c. Thousands claim that the herb St. John’s Wort lifts their depression, without the side effects of antidepressant medications.
315687_ch_05.qxd 01/16/03 8:01 AM Page 72
72
UNIT 3
Developing the Paragraph
4. Some writers use strange tricks to overcome writer’s block and keep their
ideas flowing.
a. To help himself choose the right word, the German playwright and poet
Schiller sniffed rotten apples that he kept inside his desk.
b. Benjamin Franklin believed that he had to write in the nude to do his best
work, and he often wrote in the bathtub.
c. Argentinian writer Jorge Luis Borges went blind, but he kept creating brilliant stories packed with learning, philosophy, and magic.
d. To inspire herself before she started writing, Dame Edith Sitwell would lie
for a while each morning in an open coffin.
5. In the Arizona desert, one sees many colorful plants and flowers.
a. Here and there are patches of pink clover.
b. Gray-green saguaro cacti rise up like giant candelabra.
c. Colorful birds dart through the landscape.
d. Bright yellow poppies bloom by the road.
6. Many important inventions were rejected when they were first introduced.
a. Chester Carlson was laughed at for his dry copy process, xerography, but
it later made him rich and gave a company its name, Xerox.
b. The invention of NutraSweet happened accidentally in 1965 when a
chemist noticed that a chemical he had spilled tasted sweet.
c. When John Holland first invented the submarine in the late 1800s, the
Navy saw no use for it and treated him like a kook.
7. The United States offers many unusual tourist attractions for those who venture off the beaten path.
a. Visitors to Mitchell, South Dakota, can stop at the Mitchell Corn Palace, a
castle covered with murals made of corn, grass, and grain.
b. One of the most popular tourist stops in the country is the Washington
Monument in Washington, D.C.
c. Hard-core Elvis fans can visit the Elvis Museum in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, to see Elvis’s razor, hair dryer, and nasal spray applicator.
d. On Route 115 in Colorado, drivers can gawk at the World’s Largest Hercules Beetle, a giant bug made of plaster.
8. Many months in our calendar take their names from Roman gods or heroes.
a. Mars, the Roman war god, gave his name to March.
b. January was named for Janus, the god of doorways, whose two faces
looked both forward and back.
c. August honors Augustus, the first Roman emperor and the second Caesar.
d. December took its name from decem, the Latin word meaning “ten,” and
was the tenth month in the Roman calendar.
315687_ch_05.qxd 01/16/03 8:01 AM Page 73
CHAPTER 5
PRACTICE 3
Illustration
73
The secret of good illustration lies in well-chosen, well-written examples. Think of
one example that illustrates each of the following general statements. Write out
the example in sentence form (one to three sentences) as clearly and exactly as
possible.
1. A few contemporary singers work hard to send a positive message.
Example
2. In a number of ways, this college makes it easy for working students to attend.
Example
3. Believing in yourself is 90 percent of success.
Example
4. Many teenagers believe they must have expensive designer clothing.
Example
5. Growing up in a large family can teach the value of compromise.
Example
6. A number of shiny classic cars cruised up and down Ocean Drive.
Example
315687_ch_05.qxd 01/16/03 8:01 AM Page 74
74
UNIT 3
Developing the Paragraph
7. Children say surprising things.
Example
8. Sadly, rudeness seems more and more common in America.
Example
PRACTICE 4 Thinking and Writing Together
Illustrate Acts of Kindness
In the news, we often hear the phrase “random acts of violence”—acts whose unlucky victims are in the wrong place at the wrong time. The phrase “random acts
of kindness” reverses this idea in a wonderful way—kind acts whose recipients
are often perfect strangers. In a group with four or five classmates, read about
random acts of kindness (Practice 1, Paragraph 1, page 70). Now think of one
good example of a real-life random act of kindness, performed by you or someone
else—either at college or work, or in everyday life. Share and discuss these examples with your group. Which examples are the most striking or moving? Why?
Write up your example in one paragraph. Begin with a clear topic sentence
and present the act of kindness as movingly as you can. Refer to the checklist, and
ask your group mates for feedback.
Exploring Online
http://www.actsofkindness.org/ Click “Inspiration” to read about acts of kindness
that people have sent in; click “Contact Us” to submit your group’s best writing
for possible publication.
✔ Checklist
The Process of Writing an Illustration Paragraph
Refer to this checklist of steps as you write an illustration paragraph of your
own.
1. Narrow the topic in light of your audience and purpose.
2. Compose a topic sentence that can honestly and easily be supported by examples.
315687_ch_05.qxd 01/16/03 8:01 AM Page 75
CHAPTER 5
Illustration
75
3. Freewrite or brainstorm to find six to eight examples that support
the topic sentence. If you wish to use only one example or a narrative, sketch out your idea. (You may want to freewrite or brainstorm before you narrow the topic.)
4 Select only the best two to four examples and drop any examples
that do not relate to or support the topic sentence.
5. Make a plan or an outline for your paragraph, numbering the examples in the order in which you will present them.
6. Write a draft of your illustration paragraph, using transitional
expressions to show that an example or examples will follow.
7. Revise as necessary, checking for support, unity, logic, and coherence.
8. Proofread for errors in grammar, punctuation, sentence structure,
spelling, and mechanics.
Suggested Topic Sentences for Illustration Paragraphs
1. The car a person drives (or the way a person dresses) often makes a statement about him or her.
2. Most people have special places where they go to relax or find inspiration.
3. In my family, certain traditions (or values or beliefs) are very important.
4. Some lucky people love their jobs.
5. Painful experiences can sometimes teach valuable lessons.
6. Many enjoyable activities in this area are inexpensive or even free.
7. Celebrities who have overcome illness or tragedy can inspire others.
8. A sense of humor can make difficult times easier to bear.
9. Sexual harassment is a fact of life for some employees.
10. Eating disorders are a serious problem.
11. College students face a number of pressures.
12. Some unusual characters live in my neighborhood.
13. A true friend is one who sees and encourages the best in us.
14. Choose a quotation from the Quotation Bank at the end of this book. First,
state whether you think this saying is true; then use an example from your
own or others’ experience to support your view.
15. Writer’s choice: