4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
Chapter 4: Preparing W ritten Messages Chapter Contents
Book T itle: BCOM
Printed By: John Randall ([email protected])
© 2015 Cengage Learning, Cengage Learning
Chapter 4
Preparing Written Messages
Chapter Introduction
4-1 Step 6: Prepare the First Draft
4-1a Craft Powerful Sentences
4-1b Develop Coherent Paragraphs
4-2 Revise and Proofread
4-2a Cultivate a Frame of Mind for Effective Revising and Proofreading
4-2b Apply Visual Enhancements to Improve Readability
4-2c Improve Readability
4-3 Step 7: Revise for Style and Tone
4-3a Eliminate Outdated Expressions
4-3b Curb Clichés
4-3c Eliminate Profanity
4-3d Use Simple, Informal Words
4-3e Communicate Concisely
4-3f Project a Positive, Tactful Tone
4-3g Use Euphemisms Cautiously
4-3h Avoid Condescending or Demeaning Expressions
4-3i Use Connotative Tone Cautiously
4-3j Use Specific Language Appropriately
4-3k Use Bias-Free Language
4-4 Proofreading for Mechanical Correctness
Chapter 4: Preparing W ritten Messages Chapter Introduction
Book T itle: BCOM
Printed By: John Randall ([email protected])
© 2015 Cengage Learning, Cengage Learning
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
1/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
Chapter Introduction
© Yuri Arcurs/Shutterstock.com
Objectives
4-1 Apply techniques for developing effective sentences and unified and coherent
paragraphs.
4-2 Prepare visually appealing documents that grab the audience’s attention and
increase comprehension.
4-3 Identify factors affecting readability and revise messages to improve
readability.
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
2/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
4-4
Revise and proofread a message for content, organization, style, and tone;
mechanics; and format and layout.
In Chapter 3, you learned about the
importance of following a systematic
BCOM
process to develop business messages.
The applications in Chapter 3 guided
Log onto www.cengagebrain.com for
you in developing a clear, logical plan
additional resources including flashcards,
for your message that focuses on the
games, self-quizzing for chapter review,
needs of the receiver (Steps 1, 2, 3, 4,
grammar exercises, and more.
and 5). Effectively capturing your ideas
for various business communication
situations involves skillful use of
language and careful attention to accuracy and readability issues—the remaining two steps
in this important process are shown in Figure 4-1.
Figure 4-1
Process for Planning and Preparing Spoken and Written Messages
Step 1
Step 2
Step 3
Consider
the
applicable
contextual
forces
Determine Envision
the
the
purpose
audience
and select
an
appropriate
channel
and
medium
Step 4
Step 6
Step 7
Prepare
the first
draft
Revise
and
proofread
for
accuracy
and
desired
impact
Step 5
Adapt the Organize
message
the
to the
message
audience’s
needs and
concerns
Chapter 4: Preparing W ritten Messages: 4-1 Step 6: Prepare the First Draft
Book T itle: BCOM
Printed By: John Randall ([email protected])
© 2015 Cengage Learning, Cengage Learning
4-1 Step 6: Prepare the First Draft
Once you have determined whether the message should be presented deductively (main idea
first) or inductively (explanation and details first) and have planned the logical sequence of
minor points, you are ready to begin composing the message.
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
3/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
Normally, writing rapidly (with intent to rewrite certain portions, if necessary) is better
than slow, deliberate writing (with intent to avoid any need for rewriting portions). The
latter approach can be frustrating and can reduce the quality of the finished work. Time is
wasted in thinking of one way to express an idea, discarding it either before or after it is
written, waiting for new inspiration, and rereading preceding sentences.
Concentrating on getting your ideas down as quickly as you can is an efficient approach to
writing. During this process, remember that you are preparing a draft and not the final
copy. If you are composing at the computer, you can quickly and easily revise your draft
throughout the composition process. This seamless approach to writing allows you to
continue to improve your working draft until the moment you are ready to submit the final
copy. Numerous electronic writing tools are available, and technology will continue to
unfold to enhance the writing process.
Chapter 4: Preparing W ritten Messages: 4-1a Craft Powerful Sentences
Book T itle: BCOM
Printed By: John Randall ([email protected])
© 2015 Cengage Learning, Cengage Learning
4-1a Craft Powerful Sentences
Well-developed sentences help the receiver understand the message clearly and react
favorably to the writer or speaker. In this section, you will learn about predominant use of
active voice and emphasis of important points, which affect the clarity and human relations
of your message.
Rely on Active Voice
Business communicators normally use active voice more heavily than passive voice because
active voice conveys ideas more vividly. In sentences in which the subject is the doer of
action, the verbs are called active. In sentences in which the subject is the receiver of action,
the verbs are called passive. Review the differences in the impact of passive voice (when
the subject of a sentence is the receiver of an action) and active voice (when the subject of
a sentence is the doer of an action) :
Passive Voice
Active Voice
Free refills of soft drinks
are expected by our
customer base and
shouldn’t be the focus of
cutbacks.
Our customers
expect free refills of
soft drinks, so we
shouldn’t consider
eliminating that
offering.
The active sentence invites the receiver to see the consumer as actively engaged in setting
expectations, while the passive sentence draws attention to the soft drink refills. Using active
voice makes the subject the actor, which places greater emphasis on his or her concerns. In
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
4/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
the passive sentence, the receiver becomes aware that soft drink refills are an issue, but it
does not reveal who is concerned.
Even when a passive sentence contains additional words to reveal the doer, the imagery is
less distinct than it would be if the sentence were active: Free refills of soft drinks are
expected by our customer base and shouldn’t be the focus of cutbacks. “Free refills” gets the
most attention because it is the subject. The sentence seems to let a receiver know the result
of the action before revealing the doer; therefore, the sentence is less emphatic.
Although active voice conveys ideas more vividly, passive voice is useful for the following
purposes:
Concealing the doer. (“Shortages in inventory have been found,” rather than
“Shortages in inventory have been found by auditors.”)
Placing more emphasis on what was done and who or what it was done to than on
who did it. (“The reports have been compiled by our sales representatives.”)
Subordinating an unpleasant thought or avoiding finger-pointing. (“The printer on
the second floor is not working properly,” rather than “Lucy apparently fouled up the
printer on the second floor.”)
Emphasize Important Ideas
A landscape artist wants some features in a picture to stand out boldly and others to get
little attention. A musician sounds some notes loudly and others softly. Likewise, a writer or
speaker wants some ideas to be emphasized and others to be de-emphasized. Normally,
pleasant and important ideas should be emphasized; unpleasant and insignificant ideas
should be de-emphasized. Emphasis techniques include sentence structure, repetition, words
that label, position, and space and format.
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
5/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
© Dusit/Shutterstock.com
Sentence Structure
For emphasis, place an idea in a simple sentence. The simple sentence in the following
example has one independent clause. Because no other idea competes with it for attention,
this idea is emphasized.
Simple Sentence Is More
Emphatic
Compound Sentence
Is Less Emphatic
Jeanette is an excellent
auditor.
Jeanette is an
excellent auditor, but
sometimes she finds
the work tedious and
boring.
For emphasis, place an idea in an independent clause; for de-emphasis, place an idea in a
dependent clause. In the following compound sentence, the idea of auditing work is in an
independent clause. Because an independent clause makes sense if the rest of the sentence is
omitted, an independent clause is more emphatic than a dependent clause. In the complex
sentence, the idea of auditing work is in a dependent clause. Compared with the
independent clause that follows (“Jeanette is an excellent …”), the idea in the dependent
clause is de-emphasized.
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
6/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
Compound Sentence Is
More Emphatic
Complex Sentence Is
Less Emphatic
Jeanette is an excellent
auditor, but sometimes
she finds the work
tedious and boring.
Although she finds
the work tedious and
boring at times,
Jeanette is an
excellent auditor.
Repetition
To emphasize a word, let it appear more than once in a sentence. For example, a clever
advertisement by OfficeMax used the word stuff repeatedly to describe generically several
types of office-supply needs ranging from paper clips to color copies, and then ended
succinctly with “OfficeMax … for your office stuff.” Likewise, in the following example,
“reception” receives more emphasis when the word is repeated.
Less Emphatic
More Emphatic
Her promotion was well
received because of …
Her promotion was
well received; this
reception is
attributed to …
Words that Label
For emphasis or de-emphasis, use words that label ideas as significant or insignificant. Note
the labeling words used in the following examples to emphasize or de-emphasize an idea:
But most important of all …
A less significant aspect was …
Position
To emphasize a word or an idea, position it first or last in a sentence, clause, paragraph, or
presentation. Note that the additional emphasis placed on the words “sales goals” or “sales
quotas” and “loss” (or its equivalent) in the examples in the right column because these
phrases appear early or late in their clauses.
Less Emphatic
More Emphatic
His daily monitoring of
sales quotas helped the
Monthly sales goals
were reached due to
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
7/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
company reach monthly careful monitoring;
goals that otherwise may losses may have
not have been attained.
resulted without it.
Sales quotas were
reached because of his
daily monitoring:
without that, losses may
have been the result.
Monthly sales goals
were reached;
without his daily
monitoring, there
may have been a loss.
In paragraphs, the first and last words are in particularly emphatic positions. An idea that
deserves emphasis can be placed in either position, but an idea that does not deserve
emphasis can be placed in the middle of a long paragraph. The word I, which is frequently
overused in messages, is especially noticeable if it appears as the first word. I is more
noticeable if it appears as the first word in every paragraph. Avoid using the word However
as the first word in a paragraph if the preceding paragraph is neutral or positive. These
words imply that the next idea will be negative. Unless the purpose is to place emphasis on
negatives, such words as denied, rejected, and disappointed should not appear as the last
words in a paragraph.
Likewise, the central idea of a written or spoken report appears in the introduction (the
beginning) and the conclusion (the end). Good transition sentences synthesize ideas at the
end of each major division.
Space and Format
The various divisions of a report or spoken presentation are not expected to be of equal
length, but an extraordinary amount of space devoted to a topic attaches special
significance to that topic. Similarly, a topic that receives an especially small amount of
space is de-emphasized. The manner in which information is physically arranged affects the
emphasis it receives and consequently the overall impact of the message.
Chapter 4: Preparing W ritten Messages: 4-1b Develop Coherent Paragraphs
Book T itle: BCOM
Printed By: John Randall ([email protected])
© 2015 Cengage Learning, Cengage Learning
4-1b Develop Coherent Paragraphs
Well-constructed sentences are combined into paragraphs that discuss a portion of the topic
being covered. To write effective paragraphs, you must learn to
(a) develop deductive or inductive paragraphs consistently,
(b) link ideas to achieve coherence,
(c) keep paragraphs unified, and
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
8/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
(d) vary sentence and paragraph length.
Position the Topic Sentence Appropriately
Typically, paragraphs contain one sentence that identifies the portion of the topic being
discussed and presents the central idea. That sentence is commonly called a topic sentence
(a sentence that identifies the portion of the topic being discussed and presents the central
idea of the paragraph) . For example, consider operating instructions prepared for
company-owned GPS navigation systems. The overall topic is how to get satisfactory
performance from the device. One portion of that topic is setup, another portion
(paragraph) discusses operation, and so forth. Within each paragraph, one sentence serves
a special function. Sentences that list the steps can appear as one paragraph, perhaps with
steps numbered as follows:
To set up the system, take the following steps:
1. Connect …
2. Go to menu settings to …
In this illustration, the paragraphs are deductive (a paragraph in which the topic sentence
precedes the details) ; that is, the topic sentence precedes details. When topic sentences
follow details, the paragraphs are inductive (a paragraph in which the topic sentence
follows the details) . As discussed previously, the receiver’s likely reaction to the main idea
(pleased, displeased, interested, not interested) aids in selecting the appropriate sequence.
When the subject matter is complicated and the details are numerous, paragraphs
sometimes begin with a main idea, follow with details, and end with a summarizing
sentence. But the main idea might not be in the first sentence; the idea could need a
preliminary statement. Receivers appreciate consistency in the placement of topic sentences.
Once they catch on to the writer’s or speaker’s pattern, they know where to look for main
ideas.
These suggestions seldom apply to the first and last sentences of letters, memos, and email
messages. Such sentences frequently appear as single-sentence paragraphs. But for reports
and long paragraphs of letters, strive for paragraphs that are consistently deductive or
inductive. Regardless of which is selected, topic sentences are clearly linked with details that
precede or follow.
Link Ideas to Achieve Coherence
Careful writers use coherence techniques to keep receivers from experiencing abrupt
changes in thought. Although the word coherence (cohesion, so that each sentence in
some way is linked to the preceding sentences) is used sometimes to mean “clarity” or
“understandability,” it is used throughout this text to mean “cohesion.” If writing or
speaking is coherent, the sentences stick together; each sentence is in some way linked to
the preceding sentences. Avoid abrupt changes in thought, and link each sentence to a
preceding sentence.
The following techniques for linking sentences are common:
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
9/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
1. Repeat a word that was used in the preceding sentence. The second sentence in
the following example is an obvious continuation of the idea presented in the
preceding sentence.
… to take responsibility for the decision. This responsibility can be shared …
2. Use a pronoun that represents a noun used in the preceding sentence. Because
“it” means “responsibility,” the second sentence below is linked directly with the first.
… to take this responsibility. It can be shared …
3. Use connecting words. Examples include however, therefore, yet, nevertheless,
consequently, also, and in addition. “However” implies “We’re continuing with the
same topic, just moving into a different phase.” Remember, though, that good
techniques can be overused. Unnecessary connectors are space consuming and
distracting. Usually they can be spotted (and crossed out) in proofreading.
… to take this responsibility. However, few are willing to …
Just as sentences within a paragraph must link, paragraphs within a document must also
link. Unless a writer or speaker is careful, the move from one major topic to the next will
seem abrupt. A good transition sentence can bridge the gap between the two topics by
summing up the preceding topic and leading a receiver to expect the next topic:
Once the new accounting system is put into place, training employees in its operation is
vital.
This sentence could serve as a transition between the “Installation” and “Training” division
headings. Because a transition sentence comes at the end of one segment and before the
next, it emphasizes the central idea of the preceding segment and confirms the relationship
of the two segments. While transition sentences are helpful if properly used, they can be
overused. For most reports, transition sentences before major headings are sufficient.
Normally, transition sentences before subheadings are unnecessary.
Keep Paragraphs Unified
Receivers expect the first paragraph of a message to introduce a topic, additional
paragraphs to discuss it, and a final paragraph to tie all of the paragraphs together. The
middle paragraphs should be arranged in a systematic sequence, and the end must be
linked easily to some word or idea presented in the beginning. The effect of a message that is
not unified is like that of an incomplete circle or a picture with one element obviously
missing.
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
10/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
© valdis torms/Shutterstock.com
A unified email message, letter, memo, or report covers its topic adequately but does
not include extraneous material. The document should have a beginning sentence
appropriate for the expected receiver reaction, paragraphs that present the bulk of
the message, and an ending sentence that is an appropriate closing for the message
presented.
A unified report or presentation begins with an introduction that identifies the topic,
reveals the thesis, and previews upcoming points. The introduction often includes
some background, sources of information, and the method of treating data. Between
the beginning and the ending, a unified report should have paragraphs arranged in a
systematic sequence. A summary or conclusion brings all major points together.
Vary Sentence and Paragraph Length
Sentences of short or average length are easy to read and preferred for communicating
clearly. However, keeping all sentences short is undesirable, because the message might
sound monotonous, unrealistic, or elementary. A -word sentence is acceptable; so is a
-word sentence—if it is clear. Just as sentences should vary in length, they should also
vary in structure. Some complex or compound sentences should be included with simple
sentences.
Variety is just as desirable in paragraph length as it is in sentence length. A paragraph can
be from one line in length to a dozen lines or more. However, just as with sentence length,
average paragraph length also should be kept short, as appropriate to the document type:
Paragraphs in letters, memos, and email messages are typically shorter than
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
11/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
paragraphs in business reports.
First and last paragraphs are normally short (one to four lines), and other
paragraphs are normally no longer than six lines. A short first paragraph is more
inviting to read than a long first paragraph, and a short last paragraph enables a
writer to emphasize parting thoughts.
The space between paragraphs is a welcome resting spot. Long paragraphs are
difficult to read and make a message appear uninviting. Paragraph length will vary
depending on the complexity of the subject matter. However, as a general rule
paragraphs should be no longer than eight to ten lines. This length usually allows
enough space to include a topic sentence and three or four supporting statements. If
the topic cannot be discussed in this space, divide the topic into additional paragraphs.
To observe the effect large sections of unbroken text have on the overall appeal of a
document, examine the memos in Figure 4-2. Without question, the memo with the short,
easy-to-read paragraphs is more inviting than the memo with one bulky paragraph.
Figure 4-2
Contrast the Readability and Appeal of Bulky (left) versus Broken (right)
Text
Although variety is a desirable quality, it should not be achieved at the expense of
consistency. Using I in one part of a message and then without explanation switching to we
is inadvisable. Using the past tense in one sentence and the present tense in another
sentence creates variety at the expense of consistency—unless the shift is required to
indicate actual changes in time. Unnecessary changes from active to passive voice and from
third to first person are also discouraged.
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
12/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
Chapter 4: Preparing W ritten Messages: 4-2 Revise and Proofread
Book T itle: BCOM
Printed By: John Randall ([email protected])
© 2015 Cengage Learning, Cengage Learning
4-2 Revise and Proofread
Professional writers often recognize that the real work of writing occurs during the
revision process. It is this step, however, that is often overlooked or given short shrift by
those who do not write for a living. Revising and proofreading effectively therefore requires
a change in mind-set.
Chapter 4: Preparing W ritten Messages: 4-2a Cultivate a Frame of Mind for Effective Revising and Proofreading
Book T itle: BCOM
Printed By: John Randall ([email protected])
© 2015 Cengage Learning, Cengage Learning
4-2a Cultivate a Frame of Mind for Effective Revising and Proofreading
The following suggestions will guide your efforts to develop business documents that
achieve the purpose for which they are intended.
Attempt to see things from your audience’s perspective rather than from
your own. Being empathetic with your audience isn’t as simple as it seems,
particularly when dealing with today’s diverse workforce. Erase the mind-set, “I
know what I need to say and how I want to say it.” Instead, ask, “How would my
audience react to this message? Is this message worded so that my audience can
easily understand it? Does it convey a tone that will build goodwill?”
Revise your documents until you cannot see any additional ways to improve
them. Resist the temptation to think of your first draft as your last draft. Instead,
look for ways to improve and be willing to incorporate valid suggestions once you
have completed a draft. Experienced writers believe that there is no such thing as
good writing, but there is such a thing as good rewriting. Author Dorothy Parker,
who wrote for Vanity Fair and Esquire, once said, “I can’t write five words but that I
change seven.”
Skilled speech writers might rewrite a script
or
times.
Writers in public relations firms revise brochures and advertising copy until perhaps
only a comma in the final draft is recognizable from the first draft. Even simple email
messages require revision for clarity and mechanical errors, with extra passes needed
depending on the number of recipients and the context of the message. Regardless of
the message type, your careful revising will aid you in creating accurate, readable
documents that produce results.
Be willing to allow others to make suggestions for improving your writing.
Because most of us consider our writing personal, we often feel reluctant to share it
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
13/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
with others and can be easily offended if they suggest changes. This syndrome, called
writer’s pride of ownership, can prevent us from seeking needed assistance from
experienced writers—a proven method of improving communication skills. On the
job, especially in today’s electronic workplace, your writing will be showcased to your
supervisor, clients/customers, members of a collaborative writing team, and more.
You have nothing to lose but much to gain by allowing others to critique your
writing. This commitment is especially important considering the mistake hardest to
detect is your own. However, you have the ultimate responsibility for your document;
don’t simply trust that someone else will catch and correct your errors.
The ability you’ve gained in following a systematic process for developing effective business
messages will prove valuable as you direct your energies to developing effective messages as
a member of a team. Refer to the “Check Your Communication” checklist on the Chapter 4
Review Card to review the guidelines for preparing and proofreading a rough draft.
The speed and convenience of today’s electronic communication have caused many
communicators to confuse informality with sloppiness. Sloppy messages contain
misspellings, grammatical errors, unappealing and incorrect formats, and confusing
content—all of which create a negative impression of the writer and the company and
affect the receiver’s ability to understand the message. Some experts believe the increased
use of email is leading to bosses becoming ruder. To combat against the harsh tone that
often sets in when managers must respond to
emails weekly, Unilever is
providing writing training and urging staff to think before they press the send button.
As the sender, you are responsible for evaluating the effectiveness of each message you
prepare. You must not use informality as an excuse to be sloppy. Instead, take one
consultant’s advice: “You can still be informal and not be sloppy. You can be informal and
correct.”
Take a good hard look at the messages you prepare. Commit to adjusting your
message to the audience, designing appealing documents that are easily read, and following
a systematic proofreading process to ensure error-free messages. This effort could save you
from being embarrassed or jeopardizing your credibility.
Chapter 4: Preparing W ritten Messages: 4-2b A pply Visual Enhancements to Improve Readability
Book T itle: BCOM
Printed By: John Randall ([email protected])
© 2015 Cengage Learning, Cengage Learning
4-2b Apply Visual Enhancements to Improve Readability
The vast amount of information created in today’s competitive global market poses a
challenge to you as a business writer. You must learn to create visually appealing
documents that entice the audience to read rather than discard your message. Additionally,
an effective design will enable you to highlight important information for maximum
attention and to transition a receiver smoothly through sections of a long, complex
document. These design techniques can be applied easily using word processing software.
However, add visual enhancements only when they aid in comprehension. Overuse will
cause your document to appear cluttered and will defeat your purpose of creating an
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
14/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
appealing, easy-to-read document.
Enumerations
To emphasize units in a series, place a number, letter, or bullet before each element. Words
preceded by numbers, bullets, or letters attract the receiver’s special attention and are
easier to locate when the page is reviewed.
Original
Highlighted
To download your copy,
please click on the link
below, check the
“agreement” box, and
click on “Next.”
To download your
copy, please
1. Click on the link
below
2. Check the
“agreement” box
3. Click on “Next.”
Enumerated or Bulleted Lists
Writers often want to save space; however, cluttered text is unappealing and difficult to
read. Chunking—a desktop publishing term—is an answer to the problem. Chunking
involves breaking down information into easily digestible pieces. It’s the communication
equivalent of Butterfinger BBs rather than the whole candy bar. The added white space
divides the information into blocks, makes the page look more organized, and increases
retention by
.
Enumerated or bulleted lists can be used to chunk and add even greater visual impact to
items in a series. Items appear on separate lines with numerals, letters, or various types of
bullets (•, ⋄, □, ✓, and so on) at the beginning. Multiple-line items often are separated by a
blank line. This design creates more white space, which isolates the items from other text
and demands attention. Bullets are typically preferred over numerals unless the sequence of
the items in the series is critical (e.g., steps in a procedure that must be completed in the
correct order). In the following excerpt from a long analytical report, the four supporting
reasons for a conclusion are highlighted in a bulleted list:
Original
Highlighted
Although moving to a
robotic manufacturing
system will be costly up
front in terms of initial
equipment outlays and
installation fees, there
Although moving to a
robotic
manufacturing
system will be costly
up front in terms of
initial equipment
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
15/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
are many advantages,
including increased
efficiency of processes,
greater reliability,
enhanced safety, and
dramatically lower costs
for employee benefits.
outlays and
installation fees,
there are many
advantages, including
increased
efficiency of
processes
greater
reliability
enhanced
safety
dramatically
lower costs for
employee
benefits
Headings
Headings are signposts that direct the receiver from one section of the document to
another. Studies have shown that readers find documents with headings easier to grasp and
that they are more motivated to pay attention to the text, even in a short document such as
a half-page warranty.
You’ll find that organizing the content of various types of
documents with logical, well-written headings will make the documents more readable and
appealing. Follow these general guidelines for writing effective headings:
Compose brief headings that make a connection with the receiver, giving clear cues
as to the usefulness of the information (e.g., “How Do I Apply?”). Consider using
questions rather than noun phrases to let readers know they are reading the
information they need (i.e., choose “Who Is Eligible to Apply?” rather than “Eligible
Loan Participants”).
Consider talking headings that reveal the conclusions
reached in the following discussion rather than general topic headings. For example,
“Costs Are Prohibitive” is more emphatic than “Cost Factors.”
Strive for parallel structure of readings within a section. For example, mixing
descriptive phrases with questions requires additional mental effort and distracts
readers who expect parallel writing.
Follow a hierarchy, with major headings receiving more attention than minor
headings or paragraph headings. To draw more attention to a major heading, center
it and use a heavier, larger typestyle or brighter text color.
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
16/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
Tables and Graphs
Tables and graphs are used to simplify and clarify information and to add variety to long
sections of dense text. The clearly labeled rows and columns in a table organize large
amounts of specific numeric data and facilitate analysis. Graphics such as pie, line, and bar
charts visually depict relationships within the data; they provide quick estimates rather
than specific information.
Lines and Borders
Horizontal and vertical lines can be added to partition text or to focus attention on a specific
line or lines. For example, a thin line followed by a thick line effectively separates the
identification and qualifications sections of a résumé. Placing a border around a paragraph
or section of text sets that information apart; adding shading inside the box adds greater
impact. For example, a pull-quote format might spotlight a testimonial from a satisfied
customer in a sales letter, important dates to remember in a memorandum, or a section of
a document that must be completed and returned.
Relevant Images
A variety of interesting shapes can be used to highlight information and add appeal.
Examples include creating a rectangular callout box highlighting a key idea with an arrow
pointing to a specific number in a table, surrounding a title with a shaded oval for added
impact, and using built-in designs to illustrate a process, cycle, hierarchy, or other
relationship. Clip art or photos can also be added to reinforce an idea and add visual appeal.
The following example from the Plain Language Web site shows how visual
communication can convey important safety information more effectively than words can.
Battling to manage an avalanche of information, the recipients of your messages will
appreciate your extra effort to create an easy-to-read, appealing document. These
fundamental techniques will be invaluable as you enhance printed documents such as
letters, memos, reports, agendas, handouts, and minutes for meetings.
Chapter 4: Preparing W ritten Messages: 4-2c Improve Readability
Book T itle: BCOM
Printed By: John Randall ([email protected])
© 2015 Cengage Learning, Cengage Learning
4-2c Improve Readability
Although sentences are arranged in a logical sequence and are written coherently, the
receiver might find reading the sentences difficult. Several programs have been developed
to measure the reading difficulty of your writing. Electronic tools aid you in making
computations and identifying changes that will improve readability.
The grammar and style checker feature of leading word-processing software calculates
readability measures to aid you in writing for quick and easy reading and listening. The Fog
index, a popular readability index developed by Robert Gunning, and the Flesch–Kincaid
Grade Level calculator available in Microsoft Word consider the length of sentences and the
difficulty of words to produce the approximate grade level at which a person must read in
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
17/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
order to understand the material. For example, a grade level of
indicates a person needs
to be able to read at the tenth-grade level to understand the material. Fortunately, you don’t
have to calculate readability manually, but understanding the manual calculation of the
Fog index will illustrate clearly how sentence length and difficulty of words affect
readability calculations and guide you in adapting messages.
Before
This is a multipurpose passenger vehicle which will handle and maneuver
differently from an ordinary passenger car, in driving conditions which may occur
on streets and highways and off road. As with other vehicles of this type, if you
make sharp turns or abrupt maneuvers, the vehicle may roll over or may go out of
control and crash. You should read driving guidelines and instructions in the
Owner’s Manual, and WEAR YOUR SEAT BELTS AT ALL TIMES.
After
Courtesy of National Highway Traffic Safety Administration
Trying to write at the exact grade level of the receiver is not advised. You may not know the
exact grade level, and even those who have earned advanced degrees appreciate writing
they can read and understand quickly and easily. Also, writing a passage with a readability
index appropriate for the audience does not guarantee the message will be understood.
Despite simple language and short sentences, the message can be distorted by imprecise
words, biased language, jargon, and translations that ignore cultural interpretations, to
name just a few. The value of calculating a readability measure lies in the feedback you gain
about average length of sentences and the difficulty of the words. Revise and recalculate the
readability index and continue revising until you feel the reading level is appropriate for the
intended audience.
The grammar and style feature in word processing programs also locates grammatical
errors, including misspellings and common usage errors, such as the use of fragments, runon sentences, subject-verb disagreement, passive voice, double words, and split infinitives.
Because it can only guess at the structure of a sentence and then apply a rigid set of rules, a
grammar and style checker, such as a spell-checker, must be used cautiously. It is not a
reliable substitute for a human editor who has an effective writing style and is familiar with
the rules the software displays. Allow the software to flag misspellings and writing errors as
you write, accept or reject the suggested changes based on your knowledge of effective
writing, and use the readability measures to adjust your writing levels appropriately as
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
18/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
shown in Figure 4-3 below.
Figure 4-3
Improving Readability Through Cautious Use of a Grammar and Style
Checker
Chapter 4: Preparing W ritten Messages: 4-3 Step 7: Revise for Style and T one
Book T itle: BCOM
Printed By: John Randall ([email protected])
© 2015 Cengage Learning, Cengage Learning
4-3 Step 7: Revise for Style and Tone
4-3a Eliminate Outdated Expressions
Using outdated expressions will give your message a dull, stuffy, unnatural tone. Instead,
substitute fresh, original expressions that reflect today’s language patterns.
Outdated Expressions
Improvement
As per your request, the
report has been
submitted to the client.
As you requested, the
report has been
submitted to the
client.
Enclosed please find a
copy of my transcript.
The enclosed
transcript should
answer your
questions.
Very truly yours (used as
the complimentary close
in a letter)
Sincerely
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
19/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
Chapter 4: Preparing W ritten Messages: 4-3b Curb Clichés
Book T itle: BCOM
Printed By: John Randall ([email protected])
© 2015 Cengage Learning, Cengage Learning
4-3b Curb Clichés
Clichés (overused expressions that can cause their users to be perceived as unoriginal,
unimaginative, lazy, and perhaps even disrespectful) , or overused expressions, are
common in our everyday conversations and in business messages. These handy verbal
shortcuts are convenient, quick, easy to use, and often include simple metaphors and
analogies that effectively communicate the most basic idea or emotion or the most complex
business concept. However, writers and speakers who routinely use stale clichés may be
perceived as unoriginal, unimaginative, lazy, and perhaps even disrespectful. Less
frequently used words capture the receiver’s attention because they are original, fresh, and
interesting.
Clichés present another serious problem. Consider the scenario of shoppers standing in line
at a discount store with the cashier saying to each, “Thanks for shopping with us today;
please come again.” Because the last shopper has heard the words several times already, he
or she may not consider the statement genuine. The cashier has used an expression that
can be stated without thinking and possibly without meaning. A worn expression can
convey messages such as “You are not special,” or “For you, I won’t bother to think; the
phrases I use in talking with others are surely good enough for you.” Original expressions
convey sincerity and build strong human relations.
Cliché
Improvement
Pushed (or stretched)
the envelope
Took a risk or
considered a new
option
Skin in the game
Committed to the
project
Cover all the bases
Get agreement/input
from everyone
That sucks!
That’s
unacceptable/needs
improvement
Chapter 4: Preparing W ritten Messages: 4-3c Eliminate Profanity
Book T itle: BCOM
Printed By: John Randall ([email protected])
© 2015 Cengage Learning, Cengage Learning
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
20/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
4-3c Eliminate Profanity
Increasing tolerance of profanity is an issue of concern to society as a whole and also for
employers and employees as they communicate at work. You must consider the potential
business liabilities and legal implications resulting from the use of profanity that may offend
others or create a hostile work environment. Recognize that minimizing or eliminating
profanity is another important way you must adapt your language for communicating
effectively and fostering human relations in a professional setting.
Chapter 4: Preparing W ritten Messages: 4-3d Use Simple, Informal W ords
Book T itle: BCOM
Printed By: John Randall ([email protected])
© 2015 Cengage Learning, Cengage Learning
4-3d Use Simple, Informal Words
Business writers prefer simple, informal words that are readily understood and less
distracting than more difficult, formal words. If a receiver questions the sender’s motive for
using formal words, the impact of the message may be diminished. Likewise, the impact
would be diminished if the receiver questioned a sender’s use of simple, informal words.
That distraction is unlikely, however, if the message contains good ideas that are well
organized and well supported. Under these conditions, simple words enable a receiver to
understand the message clearly and quickly.
To illustrate, consider the unnecessary complexity of a notice that appeared on a corporate
bulletin board: “Employees impacted by the strike are encouraged to utilize the hotline
number to arrange for alternative transportation to work. Should you encounter
difficulties in arranging for alternative transportation to work, please contact your
immediate supervisor.” A simple, easy-to-read revision would be, “If you can’t get to work,
call the hotline or your supervisor.” For further illustration, note the added clarity of the
following words:
Formal Words
Informal Words
terminate
end
procure
get
remunerate
pay
corroborate
support
Using words that have more than two or three syllables when they are appropriate is
acceptable. However, you should avoid regular use of a long, infrequently used word when
a simpler, more common word conveys the same idea. Professionals in some fields often
use specialized terminology, referred to as jargon (specialized terminology that
professionals in some fields use when communicating with colleagues in the same field) ,
when communicating with colleagues in the same field. In this case, the audience is likely to
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
21/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
understand the words, and using the jargon saves time. However, when communicating
with people outside the field, professionals should select simple, common words to convey
messages. Using clear, jargon-free language that can be readily understood by non-native
recipients and easily translated is especially important in international communication.
You should build your vocabulary so that you can use just the right word for expressing an
idea and can understand what others have said. Just remember the purpose of business
messages is not to advertise a knowledge of infrequently used words but to transmit a clear
and tactful message. For the informal communication practiced in business, use simple
words instead of more complicated words that have the same meaning.
Chapter 4: Preparing W ritten Messages: 4-3e Communicate Concisely
Book T itle: BCOM
Printed By: John Randall ([email protected])
© 2015 Cengage Learning, Cengage Learning
4-3e Communicate Concisely
Concise communication includes all relevant details in the fewest possible words. Abraham
Lincoln’s two-minute Gettysburg Address is a premier example of concise communication.
Mark Twain alluded to the skill needed to write concisely when he said, “I would have
written a shorter book if I had had time.”
Some executives have reported that they read memos that are two paragraphs long but
may only skim or discard longer ones. Yet it’s clear that this survival technique can lead to
a vital message being discarded or misread. Concise writing is essential for workers
struggling to handle an avalanche of information that often is read on the run on a
Blackberry or iPhone. Concise messages save time and money for both the sender and the
receiver, as the receiver’s attention is directed toward the important details and is not
distracted by excessive words and details.
The following techniques will produce concise messages:
Eliminate redundancies. A redundancy (a phrase in which one word unnecessarily
repeats an idea contained in an accompanying word (e.g., “exactly identical”)) is a
phrase in which one word unnecessarily repeats an idea contained in an
accompanying word. “Absolutely necessary” and “negative misfortune” are
redundant because both words have the same meaning; only “necessary” and
“misfortune” are needed. A few of the many redundancies in business writing are
shown in the following list. Be conscious of redundancies in your speech and writing
patterns.
Redundancies to Avoid
Needless repetition:
advance forward, it
goes without saying,
best ever, cash
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
22/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
money, important
essentials, each and
every, dollar amount,
pick and choose, past
experience
Unneeded modifiers:
new innovations,
personal friend,
actual experience,
brief summary,
complete stop,
collaborate together,
disappear from sight,
honest truth, trickle
down, month of May,
personal opinion, red
in color, severe crisis,
currently available
Repeated acronyms:
ATM machine, PIN
number, SAT tests,
SIC code
Redundancy is not to be confused with repetition used for emphasis. In a sentence or
paragraph, you may need to use a certain word again. When repetition serves a specific
purpose, it is not an error. Redundancy serves no purpose and is an error.
Use active voice to reduce the number of words. Passive voice typically adds
unnecessary words, such as prepositional phrases. Compare the sentence length in
each of these examples:
Passive Voice
Active Voice
Work schedules will be
Department
updated by department
supervisors will
supervisors.
update work
schedules.
The project planning
Next month, movers
department will be
will transfer the
transferred to the third
project planning
floor next month by a
department to the
moving company.
third floor.
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
23/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
Review the main purpose of your writing, and identify relevant details needed
for the receiver to understand and take necessary action. More information is
not necessarily better information. You may be so involved and perhaps so
enthusiastic about your message that you believe the receiver needs to know
everything that you know. Or perhaps you just need to devote more time to audience
analysis and empathy.
Eliminate clichés that are often wordy and not necessary to understand the
message. For example, “Thank you for your letter,” “I am writing to,” “May I take
this opportunity,” “It has come to my attention,” and “We wish to inform you” only
delay the major purpose of the message.
Do not restate ideas that are sufficiently implied. Notice how the following
sentences are improved when ideas are implied. The revised sentences are concise, yet
the meaning is not affected.
Wordy
Concise
John prepared
John prepared for his
PowerPoint slides and
presentation.
practiced his
presentation.
The manager reviewed
The manager revised
team reports and revised the project schedule.
the project schedule.
Shorten sentences by using suffixes or prefixes, making changes in word form,
or substituting precise words for phrases. In the following examples, the
expressions in the right column provide useful techniques for saving space and being
concise. However, the examples in the left column are not grammatically incorrect.
Sometimes their use provides just the right emphasis.
Wordy
Concise
She completed her work
She was a
in a
competent worker.
competent manner.
His style of writing was
He had a florid
quite florid.
writing style.
He believes the new
He believes the new
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
24/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
policy guidelines
policy guidelines are
to be of little value.
valueless.
Sales staff
Energetic sales staff
with high energy levels
…
…
… arranged in
… arranged
chronological order.
chronologically …
Use a compound adjective. By using the compound adjective, you can reduce the
number of words required to express your ideas and thus save the reader a little time.
Wordy
Concise
The corporation values
The corporation
employees who use their values efficient
time efficiently.
employees.
Karen Lewis, who is well
Well-liked Karen
liked
Lewis
by her colleagues, will
will take …
take …
The intranet will be
The
down for two days for
two-day intranet
routine upgrades on July
upgrade
23 and 24.
will occur on July 23
and 24.
Chapter 4: Preparing W ritten Messages: 4-3f Project a Positive, T actful T one
Book T itle: BCOM
Printed By: John Randall ([email protected])
© 2015 Cengage Learning, Cengage Learning
4-3f Project a Positive, Tactful Tone
Being adept at communicating negative information will give you the confidence you need
to handle sensitive situations in a constructive manner, resulting in a positive tone (the
way a statement sounds; it conveys the writer’s or speaker’s attitude toward the message
and the receiver) . The following suggestions reduce the sting of an unpleasant thought:
State ideas using positive language. Rely mainly on positive words—words that
speak of what can be done instead of what cannot be done, of the pleasant instead of
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
25/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
the unpleasant. In each of the following pairs, both sentences are sufficiently clear,
but the positive words in the improved sentences make the message more diplomatic
and promote positive human relations.
Negative Tone
Positive Tone
You forgot to fill in the
Please fill in the last
last column of the annual column of the annual
budget report.
budget report.
We cannot complete
Please supply your
your order without your
email address so that
email address.
we can complete
your order.
You failed to submit your Please submit your
expense report by the
expense report by
monthly deadline.
the next monthly
deadline.
Avoid using second person when stating negative ideas. Use second person for
presenting pleasant ideas; use third person for presenting unpleasant ideas. Note the
following examples:
Pleasant Idea (Second Person Preferred)
You delivered a
The person will
compelling presentation. appreciate the
emphasis placed on his
or her excellent
performance.
Unpleasant Idea (Third Person Preferred)
The supply order was
“You filled out the
incorrectly filled out.
supply order
incorrectly” directs
undiplomatic
attention to the
person who made the
error.
Use passive voice to convey negative ideas. Presenting an unpleasant thought
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
26/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
emphatically (as active verbs do) makes human relations difficult. Compare the tone
of the following negative thoughts written in active and passive voices:
Passive Voice
(Preferred for
Active Voice
Negative Ideas)
Juanita did not complete
The order needed
the order form correctly. revision.
Shelly missed the
The proposal was
deadline for proposal
submitted a week
submission by a week.
after deadline.
Positive words are normally preferred, but sometimes the addition of negative words
can sharpen a contrast (and thus increase clarity):
Please complete the online order form; phone and email requests will take
longer to process. Original copies are to be submitted to the certification
board; photocopies will not be accepted.
Because the subject of each active sentence is the doer, the sentences are emphatic.
Since the idea is negative, Shelly probably would appreciate being taken out of the
picture. The passive voice sentences place more emphasis on the job than on who
failed to complete it; they retain the essential ideas, but the ideas seem less irritating.
For negative ideas, use passive voice.
Use active voice to promote positive ideas.
Just as emphasis on negatives hinders human relations, emphasis on positives
promotes human relations. Which sentence makes the positive idea more vivid?
Active Voice
(Preferred for
Passive Voice
Positive Ideas)
The proposal was
Shelly submitted the
submitted before the
proposal before the
deadline.
deadline.
Because “Shelly” is the subject of the active voice sentence, the receiver can easily envision
the action. Shelly is recognized for meeting the deadline in this sentence. In the passive
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
27/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
message, the fact that the deadline was met receives emphasis.
Use the subjunctive mood. Sometimes the tone of a message can be improved by
switching to the subjunctive mood. Subjunctive sentences (sentences that speak of a
wish, necessity, doubt, or condition contrary to fact and employ such conditional
expressions as I wish, as if, could, would, and might) speak of a wish, necessity, doubt,
or condition contrary to fact and use such conditional expressions as I wish, as if,
could, would, and might. In the following examples, the sentence in the right column
conveys a negative idea in positive language, which is more diplomatic than negative
language.
© iStockphoto.com/iqoncept
Subjunctive Mood
Conveys Positive
Negative Tone
Tone
I can’t complete the
When the
report.
information is made
available, I can
complete the report.
I cannot attend the
I could attend the
planning meeting.
planning meeting if
the date were
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
28/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
changed to next
week.
I don’t believe his
I wish I could believe
statements about the
his statements about
product’s efficiency.
the product’s
efficiency.
Sentences in subjunctive mood often include a reason that makes the negative idea
seem less objectionable and thus improves the tone. Tone is important, but clarity is
even more important. The revised sentence in each of the preceding pairs sufficiently
implies the unpleasant idea without stating it directly. If for any reason a writer or
speaker suspects the implication is not sufficiently strong, a direct statement in
negative terms is preferable.
Include a pleasant statement in the same sentence. A pleasant idea is included in
the following examples to improve the tone:
Negative Tone
Positive Tone
Your ability to meet
While your ability to
deadlines is satisfactory.
meet deadlines was
satisfactory,
your work to
motivate your
team was excellent.
Increased health-care
Increased health-care
costs have
costs have decreased
decreased funds
funds available for
available for salary
salary adjustments,
adjustments.
but we hope a
shorter workweek
will offset employee
expectations.
Chapter 4: Preparing W ritten Messages: 4-3g Use Euphemisms Cautiously
Book T itle: BCOM
Printed By: John Randall ([email protected])
© 2015 Cengage Learning, Cengage Learning
4-3g Use Euphemisms Cautiously
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
29/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
A euphemism (a kind word substituted for one that may offend or suggest something
unpleasant) is a kind word substituted for one that may offend or suggest something
unpleasant. For example, the idea of picking up neighborhood garbage does not sound
especially inviting. Someone who does such work is often referred to as a sanitation worker.
This term has a more pleasant connotation than garbage collector.
Choose the euphemistic terms rather than the negative terms shown in the following
examples:
Negative Tone
Euphemistic Tone
aged or elderly
senior citizen
dying
fading away/near the
end
used or secondhand
pre-owned
prison
correctional facility
disabled or handicapped
physically
challenged/differently
abled
patient management
care
coordination/supportive
services
Generally, you can recognize such expressions for what they are—unpleasant ideas
presented with a little sugarcoating. Knowing the sender was simply trying to be polite and
positive, receivers are more likely to react favorably. You should avoid, however,
euphemisms that excessively sugarcoat and those that suggest subtle sarcasm. For
example, to refer to a janitor as a maintenance engineer is to risk conveying a negative
metacommunication, such as “This person does not hold a very respectable position, but I
did the best I could to make it sound good.” To the receiver (and to the janitor), just plain
janitor would sound better.
You will also want to avoid doublespeak (also called doubletalk or corporate speak;
euphemisms that deliberately mislead, hide, or evade the truth) , also known as doubletalk
or corporate speak. Such terms refer to euphemisms that deliberately mislead, hide, or
evade the truth. This distortion of the truth is often found in military, political, and
corporate language. A loss of credibility may result when a police officer refers to
“nontraditional organized crime” rather than gang activity. Another example would be a
politician who talks of an “enhanced interrogation technique” rather than “torture,” or
“collateral damage” or “friendly fire” rather than civilians killed accidentally by the
military’s own weapons. Companies use doublespeak when they make “workforce
reductions” or offer workers a “career opportunity adjustment” or “voluntary
termination.” One company called the permanent shutdown of a steel plant an “indefinite
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
30/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
idling” in an attempt to avoid paying severance or pension benefits to the displaced workers.
Despite your training in writing, you may fall into the trap of mirroring the writing of
people above you on the career ladder who prefer writing in doublespeak. They often
choose doublespeak over clear, concise writing because of the misguided belief that
doublespeak makes them sound informed and professional. Such vagueness protects them
when they’re unsure how their messages will be received and makes writing easy once they
learn the code. Instead of falling into doublespeak, learn to develop clear, concise messages
that clarify ideas and provide direction to recipients regardless of their culture while
enhancing your credibility as an honest communicator. A CEO of a writing training
company has another interesting angle on clear writing. He contends that “articulation of
thought is an element of intelligence, and you can increase your intelligence through
writing.” Working to articulate ideas clearly and logically through writing makes people
smarter! That is a motivating reason for perfecting writing (and speaking) skills in our
professional and personal lives.
Chapter 4: Preparing W ritten Messages: 4-3h A void Condescending or Demeaning Expressions
Book T itle: BCOM
Printed By: John Randall ([email protected])
© 2015 Cengage Learning, Cengage Learning
4-3h Avoid Condescending or Demeaning Expressions
Condescending words seem to imply that the communicator is temporarily coming down
from a level of superiority to join the receiver on a level of inferiority; such words damage
efforts to build and protect goodwill (arises when a business is worth more than its tangible
assets) . Note how the reminders of inequality in the following examples hamper
communication:
Ineffective Examples
My team always outshines others in the company, due, in part, to my
experience as a leader.
You did not receive the promotion because Lisa was a much better choice.
A demeaning expression (sometimes called a dysphemism) makes an idea seem negative or
disrespectful. Avoid demeaning expressions because they divert attention from the real
message to emotional issues that have little to do with the message. Many examples can be
taken as contempt for an occupation or a specific job or position (“bean counters” for
accountants, “ambulance chasers” for lawyers, “spin doctors” for politicians or public
relations directors, and “shrinks” for psychiatrists). Like words that attack races or
nationalities, words that ridicule occupations work against a communicator’s purpose.
Many demeaning expressions are common across regions, ages, and perhaps even cultures.
Some demeaning expressions belong to a particular company; for example, “turtles” was
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
31/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
coined in one firm to mock first-year employees for their slow work pace. President Obama
quickly recognized and apologized for his late-night talk show quip that equated his bowling
skills to those of athletes with disabilities. Seeing the president’s gaffe as a “teachable
moment” for the country, Special Olympics Chairman Tim Shriver emphasized that “words
hurt and words do matter and these words that in some respect can be seen as humiliating
… do cause pain.”
Effective communicators choose respectful expressions that build and
protect goodwill.
Chapter 4: Preparing W ritten Messages: 4-3i Use Connotative T one Cautiously
Book T itle: BCOM
Printed By: John Randall ([email protected])
© 2015 Cengage Learning, Cengage Learning
4-3i Use Connotative Tone Cautiously
Human relations can suffer when connotative words are inadvertently or intentionally used
instead of denotative words. The denotative meaning (the literal meaning of a word that
most people assign to it) of a word is the literal meaning that most people assign to it. The
connotative meaning (the literal meaning of a word plus an extra message that reveals
the speaker’s or writer’s qualitative judgment) is the literal meaning plus an extra message
that reveals the speaker’s or writer’s qualitative judgment, as shown in this example:
Connotative Meaning
with Negative
Implication
Denotative Meaning
(Preferred)
Please don’t hassle the
customer service
representatives with too
frequent questions.
Please don’t question
the customer service
representatives too
frequently.
The connotative meaning of “hassle” carries an additional message that the writer has a
bias against asking questions. The connotation may needlessly introduce thoughts about
whether asking questions is beneficial and distract the receiver from paying sufficient
attention to the statements that follow. Connotations, like metacommunications discussed
in Chapter 2, involve messages that are implied. In the preceding example, the connotation
seems to be more harmful than helpful.
At times, however, connotations can be helpful, as seen in the following examples:
Connotative Meaning
with Positive Meaning
(Preferred)
Denotative Meaning
Our corporate think tank
has developed an
Research and
Development has
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
32/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
outstanding production
process.
developed an
outstanding
production process.
Rita is a real spark plug
when it comes to sales.
Rita’s drive and
enthusiasm make her
successful at sales.
In crafting business messages, rely mainly on denotative or connotative words that will be
interpreted in a positive manner. To be sure that your connotative words are understood
and will generate goodwill, consider your audience, the context, and the timing of the
message.
Connotative words may be more easily misinterpreted than denotative words.
Because of differences in peoples’ perceptions based on their life experiences, words
that are perceived positively by one person may be perceived negatively by another.
In some cases, receivers may simply not understand the connotative words. Damaged
human relations occur when managers repeatedly convey connotative messages
without considering whether employees can interpret the meanings as they are
intended.
The appropriateness of connotations varies with the audience to which they
are addressed and the context in which they appear. For example, referring to a
car as a “foreign job” or “sweet” might be received differently by teenagers than by
senior citizens. Such expressions are less appropriate in a research report than in a
blog or popular magazine.
Chapter 4: Preparing W ritten Messages: 4-3j Use Specific Language A ppropriately
Book T itle: BCOM
Printed By: John Randall ([email protected])
© 2015 Cengage Learning, Cengage Learning
4-3j Use Specific Language Appropriately
To help the receiver understand your message easily, select words that paint intense,
colorful word pictures. Creating clear mental images adds energy and imagination to your
message, thus increasing its overall impact.
General
Specific (Preferred)
The public outcry was
huge.
More than
emails were received
from the public.
Please get back to me
Please supply me
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
33/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
soon about your proposal with the changes to
changes.
the proposal by this
Friday at noon.
Sam is a great manager.
Sara shines as a
manager because of
her ability to stay on
task and yet make
people feel
supported.
Sometimes, using general statements can be useful in building and protecting goodwill.
General words keep negative ideas from receiving more emphasis than they deserve. In
addition, senders who don’t have specific information or for some reason don’t want to
divulge it use general words.
General (Preferred)
Specific
Three customers
complained about their
service.
Three customers
complained because
their food order was
incomplete and the
food was delivered
cold.
I look forward to working I look forward to
with you again.
working with you
again because of
your easygoing
manner and
attention to details.
Chapter 4: Preparing W ritten Messages: 4-3k Use Bias-Free Language
Book T itle: BCOM
Printed By: John Randall ([email protected])
© 2015 Cengage Learning, Cengage Learning
4-3k Use Bias-Free Language
Being responsive to individual differences requires you to make a conscious effort to use
bias-free (nondiscriminatory) language. Using language that does not exclude, stereotype,
or offend others permits them to focus on your message rather than to question your
sensitivity. Goodwill can be damaged when biased statements are made related to gender,
race or ethnicity, religion, age, or disability. The following guidelines will help you avoid
bias:
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
34/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
1. Avoid referring to men and women in stereotyped roles and occupations. The
use of he to refer to anyone in a group was once standard and accepted; however, this
usage is considered insensitive and, to some, offensive. Therefore, do not use the
pronoun he when referring to a person in a group that may include women or the
pronoun she to refer to a group that may include men; otherwise you may
unintentionally communicate an insensitive message that only women or only men
can perform certain tasks or serve in certain professions. Follow these four
approaches to avoid gender bias:
GenderGuideline
Biased
Improved
Avoid using a
Each
Employees
pronoun
employee
must
must
complete a
complete his
vacation
vacation
request form.
request form.
Repeat the
Expect
Expect
noun
promptness
promptness
from your
from your
guide. Ask
guide. Ask the
him to…
guide to…
Use a plural
Each
Employees
noun
employee
should
should
update and
update and
confirm their
confirm his
contact
contact
information.
information.
Use pronouns Please page a Please page a
from both
doctor. He
doctor.
genders
should
He or she
(when
respond…
should
necessary,
respond…
but not
repeatedly)
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
35/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
© iStockphoto.com/photomak
2. Use occupational titles that reflect genuine sensitivity to gender. Note the
gender-free titles that can be easily substituted to avoid bias:
Gender-Biased
Gender-Free
salesman
salesperson
chairman
chair
3. Avoid designating an occupation by gender. For example, omit “woman” in “A
woman doctor has initiated this research.” The doctor’s profession, not the gender, is
the point of the message. Similarly, avoid using the -ess ending to differentiate
genders in an occupation:
Gender-Biased
Gender-Free
waiter or waitress
server
hostess
host
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
36/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
4. Avoid using expressions that may be perceived to be gender-biased. Avoid
commonly used expressions in which “man” represents all humanity, such as “To go
where no man has gone before,” and stereotypical characteristics, such as “man
hours,” “man-made goods,” and “work of four strong men.” Note the improvements
made in the following examples by eliminating the potentially offensive words.
Gender-Biased
Improved
Our energy products will
Our energy products
benefit all of mankind.
will benefit humanity
.
Laurence is the best
Laurence is the best
man for the job.
person for the job.
5. Avoid racial or ethnic bias. Include racial or ethnic identification only when
relevant, and avoid referring to these groups in stereotypical ways.
Racially or Ethnically
Biased
Improved
The salespeople ran
The salespeople were
around like a bunch of
extremely busy on
wild Indians.
the floor today.
Please give your form to
Please give the form
Sheila, the Asian woman.
to Sheila, the woman
at that desk.
The articulate
The engineer
African American
overseeing the
engineer overseeing the
product redesign
product redesign plans
plans suggested…
suggested…
6. Avoid age bias. Include age only when relevant, and avoid demeaning expressions
related to age.
Age-Biased
Improved
George is
George works
downstairs in the
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
37/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
the older gentleman who office on the right.
works downstairs.
7. Avoid disability bias. When communicating about people with disabilities, use
people-first language. That is, refer to the person first and the disability second so that
focus is appropriately placed on the person’s ability rather than on the disability. Also
avoid words with negative or judgmental connotations, such as handicap, unfortunate,
afflicted, and victim. When describing people without disabilities, use the word typical
rather than normal; otherwise you may inadvertently imply that people with
disabilities are abnormal. Consider these more sensitive revisions:
Sensitive (PeopleInsensitive
First)
Blind employees
Employees
receive…
with vision
impairments
receive…
The elevator is for the
The elevator is for
exclusive use of
the exclusive use of
handicapped employees
employees
and should not be used
with disabilities.
by normal employees.
Chapter 4: Preparing W ritten Messages: 4-4 Proofreading for Mechanical Correctness
Book T itle: BCOM
Printed By: John Randall ([email protected])
© 2015 Cengage Learning, Cengage Learning
4-4 Proofreading for Mechanical Correctness
Errors in writing and mechanics may seem isolated, but the truth is, proofreading is
important. You don’t have to look far to see silly typos or obvious instances of writers
relying only on the computer spell-checker. The classifieds in a small-town newspaper
advertised “fully fascinated and spade damnation puppies.” The advertisement was for fully
vaccinated and spayed Dalmatian puppies. These errors clearly illustrate how spell-check
can fail, but goofs such as this one are not limited to small-town newspapers.
It was not a spelling error but a simple transposition in a telephone number that created an
unbelievably embarrassing situation for a telecommunications giant. AT&T customers
calling to redeem points earned in a True Rewards program were connected to pay-by-thehttp://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
38/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
minute erotic phone entertainment.
Mistakes ranging from printing ordinary typos to
running entirely erroneous ads forced newspapers to refund
to dissatisfied
advertisers and to print
in free, make-good ads.
The University of
California at San Diego inadvertently sent an acceptance email message to all
students it had rejected, raising their hopes only to dash them when the mistake was
discovered and corrected.
Each of these actual mistakes illustrates that inattention to
proofreading can be potentially embarrassing and incredibly expensive.
Following systematic revision procedures will help you produce error-free documents that
reflect positively on the company and you. Using the procedures that follow, you will see
that effective proofreading must be done several times, each time for a specific purpose.
Follow these simple procedures to produce a finished product that is free of errors in
content, organization, and style; mechanics; and format and layout:
1. Use the spell-checker to locate simple keying errors and repeated words.
When the software cannot guess the correct spelling based on your incorrect attempt,
you will need to consult a dictionary, other printed source, or online reference such
as the Merriam-Webster online language center at http://m-w.com.
2. Proofread the document onscreen, concentrating first on errors in content,
organization, and style. To locate errors, ask the following questions:
Content. Is the information complete? Have I included all the details the
receiver needs to understand the message and to take necessary action? Is the
information accurate? Have I checked the accuracy of any calculations, dates,
names, addresses, and numbers? Have words been omitted?
Organization. Is the main idea presented appropriately, based on the receiver’s
likely reaction (deductive or inductive organization)? Are supporting ideas
presented in a logical order?
Style. Is the message clear? Will the receiver interpret the information
correctly? Is the message concise and written at an appropriate level for the
receiver? Does the message reflect a considerate, caring attitude and focus
primarily on the receiver’s needs? Does the message treat the receiver honestly
and ethically?
3. Proofread a second time concentrating on mechanical errors. You are searching
for potentially damaging errors that the spell-checker cannot detect. These problem
areas include:
Grammar, capitalization, punctuation, number usage, and abbreviations.
Review the grammatical principles presented in the appendix if necessary.
Word substitutions. Check the proper use of words such as your and you and
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
39/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
words that sound alike (there, they’re, or their; affect or effect).
Parts of the document other than the body. Proofread the entire
document. Errors often appear in the opening and closing sections of
documents because writers typically begin proofreading at the first paragraph.
4. Display the document in print preview mode, and edit for format and layout.
Follow these steps to be certain the document adheres to appropriate business
formats and is visually appealing:
Format according to a conventional format. Compare your document to the
conventional business formats shown on your Style and Formatting cards, and
make any revisions. Are all standard parts of the document included and
presented in an acceptable format? Are all necessary special parts (e.g.,
attention line, enclosure) included? Does the message begin on the correct line?
Should the right margin be justified or jagged?
Be sure numbered items are in the correct order. Inserting and deleting text
might have changed the order of these items.
Evaluate the visual impact of the document. Could you increase the readability
of long, uninterrupted blocks of text by using enumerated or indented lists,
headings, or graphic borders or lines? Would adding images or varying print
styles add visual appeal? View Web documents on several different browsers to
ensure readability and appeal.
Be certain the document is signed or initialed (depending on the document).
Ensure that email messages are addressed to the appropriate person or persons.
5. Print a draft copy and proofread a third time if the document is nonroutine
and complex. Read from right to left to reduce your reading speed, allowing you to
concentrate deliberately on each word. If a document is extremely important, you
might consider reading the document aloud, spelling names and noting capitalization
and punctuation, while another person verifies the copy.
6. Print written documents on high-quality paper. The message in Figure 4-4 has
been revised for
(1) content, organization, and style;
(2) mechanics; and
(3) format and layout.
Study the revisions made using the track-changes feature in word processing
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
40/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
software. The commentary makes it easy to see how revising this draft improved the
document’s quality.
Figure 4-4
Rough Draft of a Letter (excerpt)
To Recap
☑ Use the spell-checker to locate simple keying errors and repeated words.
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
41/42
4/1/2014
MindTap - Cengage Learning
☑ Proofread once, concentrating on errors in content, organization, and
style.
☑ Proofread a second time concentrating on mechanical errors.
☑ Edit for format and layout.
☑ Print a draft copy of the document.
☑ Proofread a third time if the document is nonroutine and complex.
☑ For documents to be delivered on paper, print on high-quality paper.
Chapter 4: Preparing W ritten Messages: 4-4 Proofreading for Mechanical Correctness
Book T itle: BCOM
Printed By: John Randall ([email protected])
© 2015 Cengage Learning, Cengage Learning
© 2014 Cengage Learning Inc. A ll rights reserved. No part of this work may by reproduced or used in any form or by any
means - graphic, electronic, or mechanical, or in any other manner - without the written permission of the copyright holder.
http://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/index.html?nbId=50171&nbNodeId=9356694#!&parentId=9356701
42/42