Wisdom for Life: Proverbs
“The Wounded Spirit”
Proverbs 18:14; 13:12; 15:13; 14:10; 14:13; 15:4
December 1, 2013
New City Church of Los Angeles
I.
Introduction
[Slide 1]
We are in the middle of a teaching series called, Wisdom for Life: Proverbs.
Proverbs 3:18 says wisdom is this:
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[Wisdom] is a tree of life to those who take hold of her;
those who hold her fast will be blessed.
We are called to pursue wisdom for it is the tree of life. Yet, for many us, we have
rejected wisdom and the tree of life. And we have forsaken some measure of blessings
because of it.
What we have been doing is to look at a topic of wisdom discussed in the
Proverbs and dig into it. Today, we are going to discuss the topic of emotional hurts,
pain, and wounds. So many of us face that and for some of us, it has been debilitating. I
want to see what the Proverbs and the Bible say about how we face emotional pain.
[Slide 2]So, the title of the sermon today is “The Wounded Spirit.”
Let’s start out by reading some Proverbs.
Proverbs 18:14
14
The human spirit can endure in sickness,
but a crushed spirit who can bear? (in the original Authorized KJV, it says, a
wounded spirit who can bear?)
Proverbs 13:12
12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
Proverbs 15:13
13
A happy heart makes the face cheerful,
but heartache crushes the spirit.
Proverbs 15:4
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The soothing tongue is a tree of life,
but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.
Proverbs 14:10
10
Each heart knows its own bitterness,
and no one else can share its joy.
Proverbs 14:13
13
Even in laughter the heart may ache,
and rejoicing may end in grief.
Again, I want to tell you that the preparation of this sermon has been bathed tears; God is
doing something; God is working out what He wants to work out in my life, and it is my
prayer that God works out your emotional hurts and pain in your life through his love.
Would you pray with me?
Let’s start out by looking at what we mean by the wounded spirit.
II.
[Slide 3]What is the wounded spirit?
Proverbs 18:14
14
The human spirit can endure in sickness,
but a crushed spirit who can bear?
As I mentioned, this crushed spirit can be translated as wounded spirit. We can handle
even physical sickness, but if our spirit is wounded, it has the power to crush us. Human
spirit can handle even the roughest circumstances and sicknesses, but if our spirit is
wounded, we can be debilitated. The word for spirit is the regular word for spirit—
Ruah—in Hebrew. It literally means wind, and denotes the inner power in us. It is the
life force inside of us. We are all born with this life force, but some things can crush this
life force.
What are some things that wound our spirit?
Proverbs 12:13 says: 12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick.
Proverbs 15:13 says: heartache crushes the spirit.
Proverbs 15:4 says: a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.
Proverbs 14:19 says: 10 Each heart knows its own bitterness.
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There are many things that crush our spirit. I don’t think it is just one thing that
causes it.
Sometimes, our pain comes because of physical issues. Maybe you are
experiencing severe depression. Maybe you are experiencing post-partum depression.
You can’t figure out what’s going on. There may be a chemical issue to all this, and we
may need to seek medical care.
It can be a relational breakdown. A heartache from a broken relationship. That
relationship you thought would work out ended up ending. The heartache is sometime
too much to bear. There is a sense of rejection. There is a sense of bitterness. There is a
sense of numbness. Even when we try to sleep, there is a pang that does not go away. It
is not just about the relationship, it is about self worth, validation, and loneliness.
Everything gets wrapped up in one.
It can be offensive or perverse words or actions. Someone who was supposed to
love us abandoned us and offended us or abused us. The pain that comes from that is so
complicated. It resides deep in our soul. It is especially difficult when that was our
parents. Many of us have had fathers who were absent from our lives whether physically
or emotionally. They were far off. You never felt his approval. He was not around to
affirm you, love you, and be there for you. There were words of disappointment that
wounded you soul deeply. It doesn’t even matter if you did something to provoke it; it
still hurts. And it continues to hurt. We carry around some painful memories from
childhood. Maybe it has to do with getting bullied, or getting rejected by someone, or
being told that you won’t amount to much. These perverse words crushed your spirit.
Sometimes, we carry around some sort of moral pain. We did something wrong
or someone did something wrong to us and we stay deep in our soul, untouched, and it
seems like that part of our soul got frozen. Maybe it is pain caused by guilt. Maybe it is
something you did (and to this time, you don’t talk to anyone about what you did), but
maybe it is something you thought you did. I know some of us carry that guilt in our
heart for the breakup of our parents. You were young and difficult as a child, and you
feel like your parents couldn’t handle you, and they ended up breaking up. I knew a girl
like that who in the back of her mind carried this guilt; but, I want you to know that it is
not your fault. It was your parents decision, not yours.
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Now, how do we respond to this emotional pain? What do we do about it?
III.
[Slide 4]The wrong way to respond to our emotional pain.
Here are some wrong ways to respond.
1.
Some of us try to deny it or hide it. And it seems like a good solution for
some time, but often, it pops up in a negative way. For example, when we have been hurt
and betrayed by someone relationally, it seems okay but from time to time, it pops up.
We don’t know why but sometimes we have a tremendous fear of rejection and we are
afraid to enter into a relationship. We have a hard time trusting people. Our next
relationship is wondering what is going on.
Sometimes, we can’t understand why we do certain things we do. Some of us
become workaholics in a quest to get that approval we never got as a child. It’s like that
thing that hurt us never went away and we spend our life trying to make it up. Some of
us deal with anger issues that have its root in a past hurt and pain. Maybe we said to
ourselves, I’ll never let anyone do that to me again. That comes back in the form of
anger and hate. Some of us grew up with alcoholic parents or angry parents, and we
tiptoed around to make sure we don’t create any reason to provoke them. And that
tendency sometimes show up in the way we do our relationships. We do everything
possible to please everyone, and we don’t want to talk about the elephant in the room.
We can’t just hide or deny our past hurts and pains. The reality is that unless we
deal with them, it comes to haunt us in unhealthy ways. Our emotional pain is a part of
who we are. We can’t detach from it. We have to bring it to Jesus. We have to bring it
to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and let him touch us and heal us.
2.
Some of us try to numb the pain by medicating ourselves with alcohol,
drugs, work, movies, eating, keeping ourselves busy, sleeping. I know for some of you,
that’s how you started it or that’s what kept you in it for so long. I know for some of us,
we start with alcohol as an experiment, but later, it turned into something more than that.
It became a way of escape. It is a way of numbing our sorrow. It is a way of numbing
our anger. It is a way of hiding our problems. It is a way of feeling happy and alive for a
moment. Of course, some of these things become destructive, and go on a vicious cycle.
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Just trying to numb our pain does not work either.
3.
Some of us try to get back at them. Revenge. Anger. Hatred. Bitterness.
It rots our spirit. While there is a sense of justice that goes along with this feeling, what
really happens is that we replay the pain over and over again. We reduce the one who
wronged us into a one-dimensional evil person. We deprive that person of humanity; and
in so doing, we deprive ourselves of happiness. There is no happiness in vengeance, in
anger, in hatred, in resentment, or in bitterness.
This approach does not work either.
Then, how do we respond to our emotional hurts, pain and wounds?
IV.
[Slide 5]The right way to respond.
Seek the Tree of Life. This is mentioned twice in the Proverbs we read, and
actually three times in the Book of Proverbs. That’s why the graphics for the series is the
tree of life. The tree of life is mentioned in Genesis and in Revelation. And there is no
other mention of it in between the two except in Proverbs.
In Genesis, the Tree of Life was in the middle of the Garden of Eden and was a
symbol of eternal and full life with God. It is a symbol of absolute satisfaction and joy.
It is the complete satiation of our deepest desires and hopes and longings. If we had the
Tree of Life, all of our pain will be healed and God would make something amazingly
beautiful out of even our pain. But, Genesis tells us that when we decided to turn away
from God and seek to find our own Tree of Life, our own source of joy and meaning
outside of God, God let us to the consequence of our decision. He puts angels to guard
the Tree of Life from us. We lost the Tree of Life.
But, that’s not the entire picture. When God restores earth and new heaven and
new earth is established, when New City is established, this is how it is described in
Revelation 22:1-5:
Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal,
flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb 2 down the middle of the great
street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve
crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the
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healing of the nations. 3 No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and
of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. 4 They will see his
face, and his name will be on their foreheads. 5 There will be no more night. They
will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give
them light. And they will reign forever and ever.
It is a beautiful picture of how the Tree of Life will bring healing. There is no more
curse. We will SEE God’s face. There will be no more hiding. The light of God shines
in this New City. The Tree of Life is restored!
But, this is not just a picture of the future. This is a picture of the Kingdom of
God when it is completely revealed. But, Jesus told us to believe the gospel, the good
news, that the Kingdom of God has come. God has broken through and inaugurated the
Kingdom of God. In the Bible, this Kingdom—heaven—is not somewhere we go in the
future only, it is a place that God calls us to now. When Jesus taught us to pray, he told
us to pray: Thy Kingdom come; thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. This is not
just a prayer for the future. It is a prayer for the present. He is calling us to bring the
future to the present. He is calling us to bring forth what is to come into the present.
That means he is calling us to bring forth the Tree of Life to the present. He calling us to
bring the blessings of God’s presence, the blessings of seeing God’s face, the blessings of
his healing, the blessings of breaking all curses into the present! Do you know what this
means? God wants to and CAN bring you healing in the present from your emotional
pain.
Ok, how does this happen? How do we bring God’s healing into our lives now?
I want to talk about two ways:
1.
Let’s start by helping other people heal.
Proverbs 15:4 says:
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The soothing tongue is a tree of life,
but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.
The word soothing tongue can be translated as healing words. We are called to bring
healing words to people. Effectively, that means that we are called to be the agent of the
Tree of Life through healing words. How can I help bring the Tree of Life, healing
words, to people who are hurting? Ask God for wisdom. This healing is not just
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personal. It involves the community of brothers and sisters in the Lord. It involves the
Church. The church, that is you and I, is called the Body of Christ. Do you know what
that means? That means you and I are the physical representation of Jesus on this earth.
There are a lot of people who are crying out to God: Where is God when it hurt so much?
I am not sure how to answer that question philosophically, but I know how God is calling
us to respond to that person. He is calling us to be the body of Christ to that person,
meaning he is calling us to be the presence of God to that person who is hurting. You
and I are called to be God’s presence to people who are hurting and in pain. It doesn’t
matter that you are also in pain; he can use your pain to minister to that person just as the
suffering of Jesus can be used to minister to us when we are suffering.
So, that’s the first way. Minister by bring the presence of Jesus, healing words,
the Tree of Life to that person who is hurting. If you are the person hurting, you need to
seek out community of believers who can help you heal with healing words.
2.
It’s not just the community that can help us heal. I believe God can heal
us in our intimate relationship with God as we bring our whole self, even our past hurts,
pains, and even ugly memories, to His presence and love.
We need to bring all of ourselves to him. This is what we do ordinarily. When
you get to know people, you open up and let them in to your past. Good things and bad
things. Your past pain and memories are a part of who you are. You need to bring your
whole self to God. That’s what we do when we develop a relationship or a friendship
with someone. We don’t get deep in our friendships until we have that late night session
sharing our stories of our hurts and pains. It’s the same with our relationship with God.
When we develop that relationship, God wants us to bring our pains, and hurts, and those
ugly memories to him. That’s what friendship is. That’s what intimacy is with God. Our
relationship with God can’t be shallower than our relationship with our friends.
The reality is that a great deal of who we are are influenced by who we were.
Some of the root issues of the current problems may be from the past hurts and pains.
Maybe a part of our behavior is still influenced by how we felt when our dad was not
pleased with our grade. Maybe a part of your behavior is influenced by our desire to hit
that homerun that we missed. Maybe a part of that promiscuous behavior comes from
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that little girl trying to get the attention of the father. We are still influenced by the hurt;
yet, we forgot to take it to Jesus, the giver of Tree of Life.
Jesus wants all of us who are in hurts and pain to come to him. He wants us to
come to him with our hurts and pains. He wants to have an emotional relationship with
us. It’s not just some sort of military command relationship that God is after. He wants
an intimate relationship with us. He wants us to SEE his face and his love.
Knowing that God loved us all along has the power to heal us today.
I think it is important for all of us to practice meditation to help us SEE Jesus in
our pain and hurts. I think we need to create time and place to allow God to heal us. For
God to show his love for us. Through meditation, I just go back to a place where I was
when I experienced that hurt and pain and SEE where Jesus was. My memory does not
have Jesus in there. My hurt does not have Jesus in there. Imagine. Go back. Use your
faith to see and redeem that event. That is what faith is. Seeing Jesus in the event. We
need to see that Jesus was there. That Jesus was weeping when you were hurt. That
Jesus was loving you. That Jesus was gentle with you. Sometimes, you say, I don’t see
Jesus. Where were you when I was hurt? You need to preach the gospel to yourself.
Lord, I know you love me more than I can imagine; but, Lord, I need to imagine your
love for me there. When we bring up all that we are (even things we did to ourselves),
we see the beauty of our Lord Jesus. All healing is simply a matter of seeing Jesus. 2
Corinthians 3:17-18 says:
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Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
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And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being
transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the
Lord, who is the Spirit.
As we behold the glory of God in the face of Jesus, we become transformed. What we
see is what we become. When I see God’s love in every circumstances of life, when I see
God treating me with love and kindness, I develop love for God and am transformed. We
need to see that he loved you when you were called names, when you screwed up, when
you got pregnant, when you ran away from home, when you got into drugs… We need
to see that he loved you when your hurt, when you were insulted, when he broke your
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heart, when they abused you. He was crying next to you. He embraced you. We need to
put every memory of hurts and pain under the lordship of Jesus.
Let me give you some suggestion on how to do this kind of meditation.
1. You need to be at a point at your life when you are willing to let go—not
necessarily able, but willing. Sometimes, we stop at woe is me and see ourselves as a
victim. That is not the stopping point. If you stop at the bitterness and resentment, you
will let your past define you and let your past rule over you. You have be willing to want
to forgive. Are you willing to let go?
2. It takes time. It takes spending time with Jesus. You spend time with a
person. Get safe with the person. Takes familiarity. Most of time, our prayer and
getting a few minutes here and there. That’s good, but there needs to be a time in our
lives and be together and relax and romance with one another. We need extended period
of time. I like to put on some music—it helps to soften the heart. It sets the mood. Just
like your wife, you need to set the mood. Treat it like a date. Some people prefer
silence. It’s up to you. Just mediate on the Lord. Just think about various different parts
of your life and see what Jesus would do. Some people say: why do you have to bring up
the garbage. It is beautiful to see God saying loving things. Sometimes, we need to
introduce the Lord to the memory to rework the message of the memory. Sometimes, the
Lord does not change the past but the Lord changes the interpretation of the past.
Should we pray together?
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