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Speeches to prepare for the EPA from THE BOOK OF WILL--Pick one or two, from appropriate tracks. We are
seeking a culturally diverse cast.
Track1: Henry Condell, 40s
HENRY 1
Was it reasonable to start a theatre troupe in the first place? Was it reasonable to hire a non-name poet who
wouldn’t write a play the same way twice? Was it reasonable to to build The Globe the first time much less
to tear it down, carry it across the Thames in the middle of the night log by log, and build it again just to
avoid rent? No! There is no reason in losing those plays, there is only...erosion. And erosion you can stop. If
you act fast. Now. I have to go on in one of the few full scripts of Will’s we have left. After that I’m going to
Saint Paul’s to buy every pirated play by William Shakespeare I can find so that I can get to work. Join me or
don’t, but I’m doing this.
HENRY 2
That’s the miracle of it. The faeries aren’t real but the wisdom is. And it come to us here, player and
groundling alike, again and
​ again ​here. Your favorite story just ended? Come back tomorrow, we’ll play it
again. Don’t like the story you’re in? A different one starts in an hour. Come here. Come again, feel here,
feel again. History walks here, love is lived here. Loss is met and wept for and understood and survived here
and not the first time but every time. We play love’s first look and life’s last here every day. And you will
see yourself in it, or your fear, or your future before the play’s end. And you will test your heart against
trouble and joy, and every time you’ll feel a flicker or a fountain of feeling that reminds you that , yes, you
are yet living. And that is more than God gives you in his ample silence. And we players stand up. And we
look at the gathered crowd. And we bow. Because the story was told well enough, and it’s time for another.
Track 2: John Heminges, 50s
JOHN 1
I don’t know if I can weather the constant storms to get this book done, and it looks like the waves won’t
stop coming, it’s one thing after another, and I don’t know if I can do it. It’s nearly impossible and every day
it gets more so. And I fear after all the work and the time away from you and the children and the theatre
and the church, after all that time we will have nothing to show for it, I will have nothing to show for it.
And if I expend all that effort and still fail him, fail Burbage, fail the entire company because I can’t pull off
the impossible? Failing them is worse than losing them.
JOHN 2
Why do we bother with stories? Dramas. Especially the dramas. Isn’t that ridiculous? Grown men dressing up
as kings and, even more ridiculously, queens. And the people come to see it. And they laugh. But they also
weep. They weep with us. Why do they do it? Real life keeps going on and one, and the villains aren’t
caught and the endings aren’t right, and it’s rough seas and dark days and we sit here in this barn playing
fictions for willing dreamers. We tell it over and over and over again. And I sit through it and it’s false and
it’s hot air and I need it. What I have nothing left to say I need it. When I hurt so much I can’t breathe,
when I’ve got a horse for a heart and It won’t stop running and pounding and running me down, I need it. I
don’t even want it, but...Am I godless? I look to fairies and false kings instead of holy people. Does that a
heathen make?
Track 3: Richard Burbage/Ben Jonson/Horatio, 50s+
BEN JONSON
I’d only ever heard the plays, seen them,
​
never...​been alone with them. And there I was. And there they
were, these pinnacle of story, these peaks of heart. The way he grows in the writing too. As a man himself.
But even young the wisdom he put down. How did he know those things so young? How could he? God help
me. I started drinking and haven’t stopped since.
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BURBAGE
Wait, wait, wait, Ali my dear, I’m sorry but these men are not going to leave until they bear witness. (Jumps
full force into Hamlet--speedy delivery, deft, quick, confident, leaving them all in the dust)
To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether ‘tis Nobler in the mid to suffer
The Slings and Arrow of outrageous Fortune,
Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles,
And by opposing end the. To die, to sleep
No more--(switching to Macbeth)
‘Sleep no more!
​ Macbeth does murder sleep’, the innocent sleep, (switching to Richard 3 in an instant)
Let not our babbling drams affright our souls
Conscience is but a word that cowards use--(then Caesar)
Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once. (then Henry V)
Once more unto the breach, dear friend, once more!
Or close the wall up with our English dead--(then Richard 2)
This England,
This nurse, this teeming womb of royal kings,
Fear’d by their breed and famous by their birth, (then Lear)
When we are born, we cry, that we are come to this great stage of fools.
(last to Midsummer)
Lord...what fools these mortals be.
Track 4: Alice, Susannah Shakespeare, 35
ALICE 1​ (smacks her hand on the table shutting them up) This is Master John Heminges’ Tap House next to
The Globe Theatre on the boards of which he made real men, gentlemen, kings and queens laugh with wit
and wisdom and the soul of the ages while you were trying to think of a comeback to the cheap whore who
wouldn’t have you. So unless you want to feel even more like the desperate asses you are, you’ll learn from
these gentlemen players, steal better, and don’t insult your host on the way out. Go drink by your own
playhouse, not ours.
ALICE 2
Nothing’s wrong with it. I’m reading it carefully. “It had bene a thing, we confesse, worthie to have bene
wished, that the author himselfe had lived to have set forth, and overseen his owne writings; but since it
hath bin ordain’d otherwise, and he by death departed from that right, we pray you do not envie his
Friends, the office of their care, and paine, to have collected & published them.” It’s good. The beginning is
a bit...pecuniary. “But it first. That doth best commend a Booke.” The best bit is at the end. “Who, as he
was a happie imitator of Nature, was a most gentle expressor of it. His mind and hand went together.” It’s
very good. Will would have loved it. Mum, too.
Track 5: Elizabeth Condell/Emilia Bassano Lanier/Fruit Seller, 40s
ELIZABETH CONDELL
Henry! Here you go. I found some of your parts at home--Mercutio and Horatio--Becky was right, check near
the privy. Oh! And Burbage’s widow found his Hamlet and Othello, and his mistress gave me Richard! The
mistress said she might also have his Anthony and Lear somewhere too. I’m going back tomorrow. And
somehow I’ve got Sam’s Titania. (reciting Puck, her favorite)
If we shadows have offended,
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​
Think but this and all is mended,
That you have but slumber’d here
While these visions did appear.
I always liked when it rhymed. I probably know the rest of it. And I memorized most of Beatrice.
EMILIA BASSANO LANIER
I broke his heart. All those sonnets don’t come from happy endings. (quoting by heart Sonnet 147) ​“For I
have sworn thee fair and thought thee right,
Who art as black as hell, as dark as night. “
Thank you, Will Thank you so much. I did love him. Which was the problem. Love is not a light thing for a
poet. He managed to write me into every play. I am the heart of his Beatrice, Rosalind, Lady Macbeth. The
man failed to realize that most successful courtships don’t include naming a character after your true love
and then stabbing her to death in the end.
Track 6: Ed Knight, Isaac Jaggard, 30s
ED KNIGHT
All the plays? I don’t have them. Yes well I have the ones on our boards right now. I don’t have them all.
Marry. We had them. But you might recall that rather off-putting fire a few years back. Poof. Will stopped
writing right before the blaze. Back to Stratford he goes, the cannon effect in ​Henry VIII, to which you might
also recall my stern objection, sets the whole tehare alight and everything in it. What am I to do? We almost
lost you, Henry, yes we lost Will’s manuscripts, the promptbooks, we had a library of actor sides but, as I
said, poof. I told Will, I said “no cannons” I said it to his face a hundred times. We do have ​The Winter’s
Tale, Hamlet, Othello and ​Henry IV Part Two and ​Twelfth Night. Might be a few more in some of the prop
boxes. // You were supposed to manage the cannons!
ISAAC JAGGARD 1
He’s a bit of a bastard but he’s damn good at selling books. I want you to know that I have seen every play
that William Shakespeare ever wrote for the King’s Men which means I saw you both countless times. And
bought a few dozen apples from you over the years, Mistress Heminges. I love the plays and I loved you in
them. My father is a bit of a dog but I’m not. And despite his swagger, I run the shop now. And I want to
publish these plays as they should be published. Cleanly. Rightly. Handsomely. A book that will last. If that
is what you wish for as well, please consider this partnership. I promise you, Master Condell, an unrivaled
book of unrivaled plays, that’s what I want. If you do too...join us tomorrow. At the Half-Eagle-and Key in
Barbican at 3. You can meet the other owners, see the presses, hear the plans. If we can all agree...we’ll
start right away.
ISAAC JAGGARD 2
You told me you had all the right for all the plays! You start printing things you don’t own. This is why
everyone in this business hates you. We are so close to finishing this book and you don’t tell me about this
until now?! You can’t fix this. Walley said no. In fact he said “No, you lowly rat, never in ten hells would I
give it to you”. You were trying to play him and it failed. This time, the one time we’re working on
something I care about, you are caught in your deceptions. Now we have​ The Collected Works of William
Shakespeare Except for That One Play We Lost Because The Publisher Is A Cad.
Track 7: Rebecca Heminges, Anne Hathaway, 50s
REBECCA HEMINGES 1
All right. Yes. This is mostly absurd and rather improbably, and you’re not even publishers. And the project
is enormous and costly and it is all on your head because this theatre has come to depend on your for its
very life. But not its art. You gave up the stage, the stage you loved, the stage that made you and made you
alive, to make The King’s Men great, and they are, ​you are. That’s why you have to do this. That book
is...it’s​ you. Those plays are you at your best. You gave up what you loved once, I won’t let you do it again.
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A theater is an empty thing. A theater you fill up. A book? Those words in your hand? It fills you. Over and
over it can. And will.
REBECCA 2
I’m tired too, I’m tired after my long days, and I know my lines aren’t grand ones “apples, pears, figs and
nuts,” but I say them every day, on cue, with no applause. Because not everyone doing good work gets
applause. And not everyone gets the chance at a legacy. That book is mine too. Those plays are mine and
Ali’s and your sons’, and I should tell you to abandon this thing just so I can have you at home, so your
children can have you, you know the little people who sleep here at night unlike their father. Also, Henry
and I would never speak to you again.
ANNE HATHAWAY
Gentlemen, good day. My daughter tells me I am to present a good appearance for friends of William’s in my
house. I hope he does rest in Heaven, he never did on earth. He spoke of you often in his last years here.
And you were at the funeral, I recall. Tell us why, and please excuse my condition. I am not so well nor so
young as you two. What brings you here, good sir?
Track 8: Boy Hamlet, Marcus, Crier, Bernardo, teens-20s (young)
BOY HAMLET​ (actor playing Prince Hamlet...poorly) To be, or not to be…
I there’s the point,
To Die, to sleep, is that all? Aye all:
No, to sleep, to dream, aye marry there it goes,
For in that dream of death, when we awake,
And borne before an everlasting Judge,
From whence no passenger ever returned-CRIER
Three plays this week at the Globe Theatre! One lamentable tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, one
excellent farce of Volpone and the enchanting comedy Twelfth Night. 3-o-clock in the afternoon, one penny
to sit in the pit! One penny for a play today!
MARCUS
Do not touch the pages. No one touches my pages. Looking leads to touching. No touching. Allrightallright.
No need to yell about it. If you were Master Shakespeare I’d have a thing or two to tell you. The end of what’s that one - Lear? Yeah. Coulda worked on that one. Just saying. Little dark, don’t you think? He
coulda added a dance or something. Allrightallright.
Track 9: Ralph Crane, Barman, Compositor, Francisco, 20s
RALPH CRANE 1
Please don’t sack me. Master Knight didn’t know I dept them. I wasn’t supposed to, but when The Globe
burned I grabbed what I could and made copies for myself of my favorite. Just for private reading and study.
Tempest, Two Gents, King John. I had a lot of favorites. I just want to keep my job.
RALPH CRANE 2
Of the plays we’re to publish, 18 have never seen print before. Those are: the foul copies (Will’s first
drafts), the promptbooks from past performances, the actor sides, Will’s own notes, and as a last resort, our
own memories. Anything that is not the closest to Will’s mind and hand we do not include. If it is suspect,
we don’t include it. If it is written in too much collaboration, we do not include it. You say we ​had ​Love’s
Labours Won, but we have only ​Love’s Labours Lost. One of them is gone--we can’t find it--​Won is lost--all
we have is ​Lost because we lost ​Won, all right?
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COMPOSITOR
It’s the ruff. Not sure about the ruff. Trying to make him look kingly I suppose. It makes his head look like a
ham on a platter. That’s what it is. A touch decapitational. Why do they need a picture of him anyway?
Makes me nervous him looking at me while I’m trying to read. I never heard of a book with a picture of the
author in it. Seems to be beside the point. Even dead writers tend to like being noticed, apparently.
Track 10: William Jaggard, Barman 2, Dering, 50s+
WILLIAM JAGGARD
Good day Gentlemen, Do I find any of The King’s Men present here? And excuse my strange condition but my
sight is as useless as a hat on a fish. I come not for one play but for all of them. We hope to engage you men
in a conversation about the pays of William Shakespeare of which we hear rumor you are arranging for print.
I know everything on Fleet Street. I know the cost of paper in Normandy, I know which whores have crabs
(most of them) and I know that you are asking every printer in town about some grand project by not me. I
am a printer and this is my son, Isaac who manages the presses I have, large ones too. We specialize in
grand projects, folio imprint, and the like. //My 18 plays by William Shakespeare have been printed. By me.
So though you managed to shut down my last attempt to publish your friend, I stand here willing to forgive
that slight and forge ahead with a complete collection. William Jaggard at your service. You stopped my
presses. You cost me coin. I could sue you for damages. Poets don’t have right, not to their names and not
to their work. It’s business, friends, no harm in it.
MONOLOGUES FROM SKELETON CREW by DOMINIQUE MORISSEAU
DEZ- Black man, mid-late 20’s, Working class man. Young hustler, playful, street-savy,
and flirtatious.. Somewhere, deeply sensitive.
DEZ 1
I’m still pissed they busted me for playin’ music on the floor. My mind goes numb
listening to that stamping sound all day long. Feel like a robot. Won’t even let us talk to
each other hardly. No conversation? Twelve, maybe sixteen hours a day? A dude could
forget how to socialize with the outisde world. Forget how to lay that pimp game down
on a woman. Got nobody to practice with. // Who else I’m ‘sposed to practice with? Faye?
That’s like hittin’ on my Aunt Debra. You the finest woman up in this plant.
Yo’ baby daddy brought you here this mornin’? You look cute when you pissed off. Got that
pregnancy glow. (changing the subject) I heard them rumors down on 9-line yesterday. Bet
not be true. I still got about six months left ‘fore I have enough for my garage. // Can’t stress
over that. Rumors ‘bout shuttin’ down been circulating every year. Then it go away. That’s
just how it is. Can’t worry ‘bout it. Cuz if it don’t happen, you done worried for nothin’. And
if it do happen, you done worried twice. Better to wait to the last possible moment to start
worryin’, I say. Til’ then, just sit back and go with the flow.
DEZ 2
Do what?! Prove something? Won’t matter! Once you got your mind made up about me
you got your mind made up. What I’m supposed to do? Change it? Convince you I’m
not the shit that you done convinced yourself I am? That’s supposed to be my burden?
My job? Hunh? Fuck that. Nigga always on me about somethin-Always treating me like I’m up to no good. Like I ain’t got a righteous bone in my body.
Won’t matter why I do what I do or what my intentions are. Won’t matter what plans I
got or what I’m trying to build. Won’t matter the vision I carry or what my truth is. You
got your mind made up that I’m shit and you just waiting for proof. So open the locker,
then. Get your gotdamn proof. But don’t ask me to volunteer for this bullshit. Just do
what you gotta do.
DEZ 3
Who say I’m not building? (beat) I got this homie that used to work down at WDZH
before they moved stations. When they got bought out by Radio One, they started layin’
off cats one by one til’ it was just this small crew left. Just enough to cover the basics.
Five dudes doing the work of twenty. That’s what they had figured out. And my
boy…he was one of the five. I remember him tellin’ me they stayed on til’ the last two
days when the station was getting stripped. Had all these materials that were going to be
tossed to scraps, sold at auctions and whatever. Meanwhile, homie had all these dreams
of being a dj. Was gonna start his own station. Here he was, sitting in the middle of tons
of resources. Old mixers. Beat machines. Turntables. Music files. A full dj starter kit.
And two days before his last day of work, they fired him. Blamed it on something
stupid---incompetency. Said he wasn’t working up to performance. Bullshit. And homie
left with nothing. No severance. No bonus. Nothing. Had to put off building himself a
studio indefinitely. That was like three years ago. Just saw homie working security
down at the casino. Ain’t even talkin’ dj’ing no more. And I just remember him telling
me all of this at the time. I remember him saying--- “If I’dve known I was getting fired,
I’d’ve robbed them blind”. I just remember him saying that like it was ten minutes ago.
(beat) Don’t assume we not building something. You can’t assume that about me. You
don’t even know.
REGGIE- Black man, late 30’s. White collar man. Studious. Dedicated. Compassionate. The
Foreman. Somewhere, a fire brims.
REGGIE 1
Last week. Jackson pulled me into his office. H-R is sending out the notice next month.
Dalina just started highschool. Got to save up for her college. And we just bought that
house over in Sherwood. Couldn’t hardly believe we could afford it. But we got it, Faye.
It’s ours. I own something that can’t nobody take from me. That mean somethin’.
Now you can’t say nothin’ to nobody. I’ll lose my job. You know that right? I want you to wait
and let the company do this right. Please Faye. I wouldn’t be in this industry if it wasn’t for
you. My mama never stopped reminding me that, you know. You always been her most trusted
soul sister. Recommended me to get a good job in the factory when wasn’t nobody hiring a
high school dropout. And now look. I’m wearing a tie to work and buying a house for my
family. (beat) I always appreciate that Faye. You know that, right? I’m gonna work hard to
get us outta here with somethin’ we can exhale into. Alright? Just please… until I can figure
this out… just please keep it under wraps.
REGGIE 2
I’m thinking about that! I’m also thinking that I need my job just like everybody else. If
this company folds, I could fold with it. I don’t have a union to protect me. I just have
my reputation. A rep that could get me placed somewhere else. Ohio maybe. Out in
Virgina would be nice. If I start rousing things up before it’s time, I’m gonna be the one
to lose out. My kids. My wife. I’m thinking about Shanita. I’m thinking about Dez. I’m
thinking about you. Bony J. I’m thinking about Elder Johnson whose been working the
line for 45 years. The man’s been in my house. Buys Christmans presents for my kids.
And I’m thinking on what’ll happen to him if we don’t offer him the right package. I’m
thinking about Dalina and Darnell…how much they love bringing friends over to the
house now. How often they hang outside because they feel safe. How I could lose my
job and make my family lose everything we’ve been---- I’m walking the line, Faye. One
foot in front of the other and trying not to fall and crash and break my spine. And who
am I going to lift up when I’m broken? How can I help anyone else if I don’t help
myself? I’m thinking about it, Faye. I’m thinking about Shanita. I’m thinking about
Dez. I’m thinking about you. I’m thinking and I’m thinking and I’m thinking---okay?!
REGGIE 3
Line that say I’m over here and you over there and even though we come from the same
roots….even though we started with the same dirt on our shoes….I’m supposed to
pretend like I don’t know your story. I’m supposed to pretend like you ain’t more than an
employee ID number. I’m supposed to pretend like I don’t know what happens out there
when you leave these plant grounds. Like I don’t know why every man out there feels
the need to arm himself before he walks into the grocery store or drops his kids off at
school. I’m supposed to pretend like I don’t know the fear that’s come over all of us
lately. Fear so thick it form a lump in your throat. Walk around with your manhood on
the line everyday cuz you never know who’s gonna try to take it from you. Cuz you
never know when you’re gonna be the next one out there, desperate and needin’ to feed
your family by any means necessary. I listen to Dez, Faye. I look him in the eye and I
listen to him and he scares the shit outta me. Cuz the line…that invisible line between
us…. it’s thin as hell.
FAYE - Black woman, mid-late 50’s, Working class woman. Tough and a lifetime of dirt
beneath her nails. Somewhere, deep compassion.
FAYE 1
That sound like some sideways and upside down shit to me. You better be careful dealin’
with yo’ boy. Police already arrested two fools last week for stealing plant materials.
Happenin’ a whole bunch right now. Some of those ol’ dusty ghosttowns you talk about
are getting ransacked. Break-ins at night and all kinda stuff. Poppy Johnson – the
nightwatchman over at Kemps – got himself shot in the shoulder one night while he was
patroling the grounds. Said it was two men up in there trying to get off with some
shocks. He called after them and they shot at him. Just a shoulder wound but he was in
the hospital for a couple of weeks. Didn’t even get no disabilty. Everybody packin’ somethin’
these days. Can’t go to the corner store without worryin’ whether the person you blocked in
is gonna come gunnin’ at you cuz they got someplace to be in a hurry. Use to able to offend
somebody without losin’ your life as the cost. Now-can’t. Everybody get just a little bit
agitated, they shoot they way into a resolution. Tensions too high. Everybody handle tension
differently. Some folks see shit fallin’ apart and got to join in the destruction. Hands with no
use find activity in useless shit. But some folks think on a different plane. Rather be part of
the restoration. And some folks just…Smoke a goddamn cigarette. (shift) Where my pack?
FAYE 2
If Reggie find out what? Reggie ain’t finding out nothin’. Reggie ain’t finding out about
my clothes lain around or me being here when ya’ll arrived this morning. Reggie ain’t
finding out about me gambling on the premises. And Reggie ain’t findin’ out about that
gun you keep in your locker. Right? Reggie ain’t findin’ nothin’ out. I know everything about
this place, Dez. The walls talk to me. The dust on the floors write me messages. I’m in the
vents. I’m in the bulletin boards. I’m in the chipped paint. Ain’t nobody can slip through the
cracks past me up in here. I can see through lockers. I know what you got in that bag you
bring in here everyday. But I don’t expose it. Cuz everybody got they bag of shit. You got
yours. And I got mine. Leave me to my own stink and don’t go tryin’ to air me out.
Worry ‘bout that car need fixin’. Worry ‘bout that darkness out there that make you
afraid to coast without that metal. But don’t worry ‘bout me. I’m just fine.
FAYE 3
Let me tell you somethin’. Run down a lil’ scale for you. First you start with nothin’.
Grow up and get yourself first job. Then first car. Then first house. Then family,
property, all that. Then first thing to go be the family. Then the house. Then the car.
Then the job. You know what’s left after that? The soul. Then nothin’. I’m runnin’ on soul
now Reggie. Only thing still got fuel in it. And what strip me faster than anything else is bein’
made helpless. I done grew up on the East side of Detroit and seen my whole neighborhood
change over the years. Seen houses burn down to the ground on Devil’s Night. Seen people
squattin’ in houses with no water and no shelter and no ability to take care of themselves. I
done grown up with a Mama who could barely keep the lights on. We done sat in that house
with no water and no gas sometimes and found ways to eat and stay clean and warm. I ain’t
sayin’ it’s pretty. I ain’t sayin’ I wanna go back to that. I ain’t sayin’ I will. I’m just sayin’ I
got the mind and the creativity and the ingenuity in me since I was a kid, and I don’t like
nobody questionin’ my ability to be able to rise up. I’m a born and raised Detroiter.
East-sider. If it it’s one thing I know how to do…it’s rise the hell up.
SHANITA- Black woman, mid-late 20’s, Working class young woman. Pretty but not ruled
by it. Hard-working. By-thebooks. Believes in the work she does. Also, pregnant.
Somewhere, a beautiful dreamer.
SHANITA 1
You know what I been havin’ lately, with my lil’ honey bun in the oven?
Dreams. Like in detail. More vivid than I ever had before. My Big Mama used to say dreams
from a pregnant woman actually more like
prophecies. You ever heard that? I don’t know whether it’s any truth to it or whatever. But
lately, I been having these same dreams over and over. I’m standing on a concrete floor. Big
empty space with nothin’ in it. Dust all over the floor. Covering everything. I call out the
names of people. Whoever I can think of. Sometimes my mama. Sometimes one of ya’ll. But
nobody answer. Then wind starts to blow the dust around. A tornado. When it stops, the
dust is arranged in a group of letters. But it don’t spell nothin’. Just a mix of letters that
are scrambled maybe. Only I can’t make no sense of ‘em. Crazy, right? I just wonder …if it’s a
sign….from my baby maybe…. Like whenever I can unscramble the message, everything’s just
gonna be clear. // Like motherhood. Like life. I dunno, just everything. (quick beat) You
think that’s silly?
SHANITA 2
Got offered a job over at the Copy Center on 8 mile. My cousin used to be the manager,
but she movin’ offices. Said I could come take over. Doesn’t sounds good. Not to me. What
I’m gonna do at a copy center? Day in and day out, runnin’ paper through these simple
machines—for what? Don’t got the same kind of pride this work got. Here, I feel like I’m
building somethin’ important. Love the way the line needs me. Like if I step away for even a
second and don’t ask somebody to mind my post, the whole operation has to stop. Like my
touch…my special care….it matter. And I’m building something that you can see come to life
at the end. Got a motor in it and it’s gonna take somebody somewhere. Gonna maybe drive
some important businessman to work. Gonna get some single mama to her son’s football
practice. Gonna take a family on they first trip to Cedar Point. Gonna even maybe be
somebody’s first time. Who knows? But I like knowing I had a hand in it, you know? That’s why
I’m gonna turn her down. Don’t wanna work at no copy center. What’s life at a copy center?
But it’s like--cover my ass for what? Do somethin’ I don’t believe in? I figure ya’ll is
right. Time to stop worryin’ about something that may not happen. Workin’ in this
industry is what I do. Uncertainty is always there. But it’s the work I’m made of. In me
from my daddy. Wanted a son, but got me instead. Always been good with my hands,
and this somethin’ that makes him proud of me. Not bein’ pregnant before I’m married.
Not being over twenty-five and building a family by myself. But this? Being a skilled
trades worker….that’s something I can stand on. Everybody can’t say that. Everybody
can’t do what I do. I belong here. Ride it til’ the wheels fall off. Right?
MONOLOGUES from THE LEGEND OF GEORGIA McBRIDE by Matthew Lopez
REXY/JASON 20’s/30’s,any ethnicity:
JASON—also do the Rexy monologue
I went out with a gender nonconformist once. (Both Casey and Jo stare at him.) Oh yeah. It's
true. I moved to New Orleans right after high school, I met this girl at a bar. The most
beautiful woman I ever laid eyes on. We went out a few times and I fell completely in love. I
was ready to propose and everything. Of course, I didn't know she had a penis at the time.
I was nineteen and in love. She kept putting me off. It kept driving me wild. Have either of
you ever see “The Crying Game?” Well now I’ve gone and spoiled it for you. Let’s just say I
found out the hard way. Things ended pretty quickly after that.I was heartbroken. We loved
each other. And sometimes, when Sherry's workin' my last nerve and I see how happy you two
are, I do think about her and I wonder what might have been if I’d decided to stay. Maybe it
coulda worked. Maybe we coulda built a life together. I would tell myself the heart wants
what the hearts wants. But there was also that one extra organ that got in the way.
REXY—also do the Jason monologue
Don’t panic! Everything’s fine! I’m here.
(She grandly sweeps in past the stunned trio and makes her way to the makeup table.)
Thanks for keeping my seat warm, Elvis. You can go back behind the bar.
(She starts diving into her makeup kit, as it nothing were the matter.) I don’t wanna hear
ANYTHING from you, Tracy. I will knock you into next Tuesday. I will not stand idly by while
this amateur makes a mockery of my art form. I want him out of my dressing room. // I
cannot work under these conditions!!! I'm too big a star to take second billing to some
dilettante in a dress. I don’t need you. I don’t need any of you. The world has kicked Miss
Rexy around for the last time! Grab a sweater, bitches. You’re gonna need it in my shadow!
Bitches, adieu! (She storms off grandly. A beat, then she storms back in.)
Tracy, can I borrow twenty dollars for a taxi? Thank you, baby.
JO 20’s,African-American, Casey’s wife
I'm not amazing. I'm a cranky pain in the ass.
I go to work every day and I have to be a pain. To the cooks, to the other girls, to the
customers, even. And if we have a baby, I'm going to have to be a pain here, too. Cuz if I
don't, we'll fail as parents and our son will go to prison or our daughter will become a
stripper. Or worse, the reverse. So the way I see it, my options are: be a pain to everyone
until the end of time or don't and watch the entire world disintegrate. (Those are your
options, huh?) It's not funny. I feel like I’ve gotten so hard lately. I just wanna be a girl again,
you know? No. Not a girl. A woman. I don't feel like a woman. I feel like...a wall. A brick wall.
Casey, I am scared to death.//You know what would make me feel even better than a foot
rub? (She gets up and grabs his guitar.) Play me my song, baby.
CASEY 20’s,white, Elvis impersonator, plays the guitar, does drag
She thinks I’m still bartending. I’ll tell her when I’m good and ready. There just hasn’t been
the right moment. I go out there every night and perform in drag. I am under a lot of pressure
right now and it is really starting to stress me out. I have been rehearsing all day with nothing
to show for it. Judy, Liza, Barbra, Britney, Bette, Rihanna, Fergie and Madonna. My legs are
all itchy, my shoes are too tight and I have no idea who the hell you just name-checked and
OH MY GOD this is not the right eye shadow for my coloring how the fuck did this get into my
makeup kit I mean Jesus! I just need you to say one encouraging thing to me or I swear to God
I’m gonna flip out!
TRACY 40’s/50’s,any ethnicity, drag performer
Okay, first of all, you're fucked. Second of all, if a certain rule about a certain correlation
between two certain body parts is true, we're going to need a lot of tape next time.
Okay, there are a million things you need to know about drag but the only thing you need
to know right now is that drag is about persona. Who are you? What's your story? You're a
woman now. How does a woman move? // How did Edith Piaf move? (Casey: Who the hell is
Edith Piaf?) Just try to walk with poise and confidence. (wobbles and stumbles)
Okay, fuck the poise and confidence. Just try not to break your neck.
What's the worst that can happen? Your song is called “Padam, Padam.” Know it? Of course
not. Here's a trick of the trade: if you don't know the lyrics, “watermelon motherfucker” will
always get you through. Just Watermelon motherfucker. // That's it, baby! Oh and by the
way, the song's in French. Okay, let's go! All you gotta remember is “watermelon
motherfucker” and when you get to the chorus, just do “Padam Padam Padam.” Now let's get
you out there!
EDDIE 50’s/60’s male,any ethnicity (should be same asTracy’s)
This is all the sides for Eddie, you’ll have to figure out how to present it at the audition. Not the gray part.
[TRACY (OFF) No, go on! Trust me, it’s funny.] EDDIE (back to the paper)
Faggots and fagettes. Welcome to Cleo’s bar on Panama City Beach. Tonight we celebrate
VD. (he checks the paper again, then...) Valentine’s Day! Happy Valentine’s Day!
Cleo’s wants to say to everyone out there in the crowd who’s with their sweetheart: “go
fuck yourselves, ya desperate bitches. He’ll be gone by Easter.”
(back to Tracy, off) Are you sure this is okay to say?
[TRACY (OFF)They’re lapping it up, sugar. ](He returns to his text.)
EDDIE
And now it is time for Cleo's exotic, erotic, hypnotic, chaotic, psychotic, melodic,
rhapsodic, alcoholic, probiotic Drag Spectacular. Featuring the glorious and notorious
MISS TRACY MILLS!!! Now help me welcome to the stage our newest star: MISS
GEORGIA McBRIDE!!
[SCENE 8: ONSTAGE AT CLEO'S
And now what begins is a drag show for Tracy and Georgia with each of them taking turns on the stage.
We only get brief snippets of the songs. They go back and forth through several songs, changing outfits
each time they doAnd as for Georgia herself, she is simply amazing. A dynamic, engaging, sexy,
flirtatious,feminine,original creation.Eddie appears from time to time, his outfit improving each time.]
EDDIE
Happy St. Patrick’s Day from Cleo's Bar on the Beach. And now here to make you green
with envy is Miss Tracy Mills!
[And then...]
EDDIE
Memorial Day weekend means that summer has officially started out here on the beach.
But you know who’s hot all the year round? Cleo's own Miss Georgia McBride!
[And then...]
EDDIE
Happy July 4th from Cleo's Hell on Heels Bar, the hottest spot on Panama City Beach!
And now to bring some sizzle to your holiday, help me welcome to the stage the scorching
new star in the Panhandle, the blazing supernova of drag: Miss Georgia McBride!!!
[Georgia comes out in her best outfit yet. The crowd goes wild, cheering and screaming. She
works the crowd a bit before going into her final number. She has arrived as a fully-formed
original creation.]
BEAUTY QUEEN OF LEENANE by Martin McDonagh
Ray 1
Ray 2
Pato 1
Pato 2 (try to pick some part of this speech that doesn’t go over a minute and a half or two
minutes tops…)
away of course…