Quixote Side 3 – Don Quixote, Sancho
(The tinkle of a little bell is heard from off. SANCHO cruises in on his paletero cart.)
SANCHO
Alonso Quijano! ¿Que tal, maestro?
DON QUIXOTE
Alonso Quijano is no more. Who speaks?
SANCHO
Pos, tu neighbor. Sancho Panza. Que no me haces recognize?
DON QUIXOTE
Ah si! Panza! Good friend, raise me.
(With some strain, SANCHO helps the KNIGHT to his feet.)
SANCHO
Are you borracho, compa? What’s with all the armor? You goin’ to a Game of Thrones party o que?
DON QUIXOTE
I’m on a quest, Sancho. On the winds of La Mancha, I shall inscribe my fame with the point of my
lance.
SANCHO
Here, suck up some water.
DON QUIXOTE
My exploits will fill a legion of books!
SANCHO
Maestro, shut the hell up and drink.
DON QUIXOTE
I’ll be as immortal as Orlando and Gawain! Rise, my noble beast.
SANCHO
You’re in no shape to be riding this home! You’ll get a DUI.
DON QUIXOTE
Home? There’s no home for me, Sancho. I have nothing of value but my precious books.
SANCHO
You mean, your sooty embers?
DON QUIXOTE
No, I mean mis libros. The fiery tomes that inspire me!
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Quixote Side 3 – Don Quixote, Sancho
SANCHO
They’re fiery, for sure.
DON QUIXOTE
What do you mean?
SANCHO
Don’t you know? Today I saw a huge stack of your books going up in smoke!
DON QUIXOTE
No!
SANCHO
Burnt to ashes, right outside your house! It was a chingon cookout!
DON QUIXOTE
Friston! This is your deviltry! Then it’s all up to me. I am sole custodian of a vanished time.
(He starts to go.)
SANCHO
Where are you going?
DON QUIXOTE
To find myself a squi --… Sancho Panza. Will you come? Will you be my squire on this long and
perilous journey?
SANCHO
How long? How perilous?
DON QUIXOTE
As long and perilous as life itself! We’ll be the heroes of our own saga! Ven conmigo, Sancho!
SANCHO
I can’t just take off, señor. I got a wife and kids, there’s no way I-DON QUIXOTE
There are souls in need. Kingdoms to restore.
SANCHO
Señor, I can’t—
DON QUIXOTE
I’ll pay you. In gold, glory, and dominions afar.
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Quixote Side 3 – Don Quixote, Sancho
SANCHO
But I have to feed the chickens and muck the stalls and gut the pig and you got yourself a squire!
DON QUIXOTE
Heaven be praised! Rocinante, see how fortune smiles on us! (whinny!) So the Knight praises his
Dulcinea for gracing him with such a capable squire and together they-(CARDENIO and LUCINDA, dressed as young Texas lovers burst into their midst without
regarding them at all.)
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