Is Your Ladder
Leaning
Against The Wrong Wall?
Unlock Your Purpose and Mission in Life!
By Stacey Mayo
Master Certified Coach
Center for Balanced Living
www.balancedliving.com
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Page 0
Contents
INTRODUCTION
2
How to Use this Book
The Purpose of a Personal Mission Statement
The Purpose of Purpose
Desired Outcomes of Discovering Your Purpose
3
4
5
7
PART I
FOCUS: The First Step in Living A Balanced Life
Process of Balancing
Awareness
Current Reality
Exercises for Current Reality
Understanding
Release the Past
Values
10
12
13
13
14
19
19
19
Clarity
Inherit Values
Values Clarification Exercises
People in Your Life
21
22
24
33
Action
Completing the Puzzle
Personal Mission Statement, 1st Draft
Sample Personal Mission Statement
36
36
38
39
Life Balance: A Journey, Not a Destination
Out-of-Balance
40
41
PART II
Discovering Your Purpose
Uncovering Your Passions
Exercises
Do’s and Don’ts of Purpose Statements
Sample Purpose Statements
Continuing the Journey
Next Steps: Living Out Your Purpose
42
43
45
53
56
58
61
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Page 1
Going Beyond Achievement...
to Fulfillment
INTRODUCTION
What is the difference between achievement and fulfillment?
If someone had asked me that ten or more years ago, I would have been stumped. But
after making some major changes in my life and starting to live out my purpose, the answers
have become quite clear. Two distinguishing and major differences surfaced.
The first difference between achievement and fulfillment is the motivation behind
doing something. The second is the intensity and duration of your innermost feelings
after you finish.
The motivation behind an achievement is often to prove something -- either to
yourself or someone else. How many times have you done something out of a need to
prove yourself? I certainly have; time and time again. The feeling of accomplishment
comes, but it is short-term. And often, you then look for what’s next. “Been there,
done that. Now what can I do to prove my self-worth?”
The motivation behind doing something that is fulfilling is not to prove something. Rather,
it is to provide something for others that you are passionate about and that makes a
difference to them. The accomplishment is also an achievement, but the rewards go far
beyond the goal. The intrinsic rewards of being lit up inside, of having made a difference with
others, are feelings upon which you can’t put a dollar value. And when you find what flicks
on those lights, you can also find practical ways to re-create it. It is through this process you
are capable of designing a life where internal fulfillment is present every day. Discovering
your purpose and then living it out is a pathway for internal fulfillment . . . a path that can be
lived with ease and abundance.
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In this book, I will share with you the outcomes that are possible from both writing a
personal mission statement (life balance), and discovering your purpose (ultimate
balance). I will discuss these as two separate road maps that when combined, are
particularly powerful tools for charting your course in life.
How to Use This Book
This is a practical-application book. To receive the most value from it, read one
section at a time; take time to reflect through journaling, meditation or quiet time to
integrate the information and get in touch with your subconscious thoughts; and then
complete the exercises. Spend the following week noticing the relevant information and
activities in your life. Take time to process the information before going on to the next
section. This book is not intended as a quick-fix recipe. You did not get where you are
overnight! It is important to spend several hours of dedicated time per week to
determine how you got here and where you want to go next.
While this book can be used alone, there are definite benefits to sharing this
experience. Talking through some of the exercises aloud with co-travelers can provide
a different perspective than your own. Sometimes it is difficult to see what is readily
apparent to others. Ask friends or family members to take this journey with you or
request their assistance in listening to you on pertinent exercises. You may want to
consider engaging the services of a coach.
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Purpose of a Personal Mission Statement
Often we cruise through life on autopilot, and then find ourselves traveling in the
wrong direction. Our definitions of success change with each stage in life. This requires
a review of personal focus and values. By doing so, we can take conscious control of
our lives.
The benefits of writing a personal mission statement are as much in the process as
the outcome (the actual written mission statement itself). Your personal mission
statement defines the core of who you are, what you value, and what is important to you
in all the dimensions of your life. The desired outcome is a description of your ideal life;
it is a statement of who you want to be. It is a tool you can use to keep your life in
perspective, and have ‘life balance’.
.
The definition of a personal mission statement is: A declaration of who you are and
what you want your life to be about in all the different dimensions: mental, physical,
spiritual, social/emotional, abundance. (Definitions of these dimensions will be
discussed later). The length of a mission statement generally ranges from a single
paragraph to a full page.
The first section of this book is devoted to the journey of life balance, and to writing
a personal mission statement. The remainder of the book is geared to help you get
underneath your mission statement and uncover your purpose. The information that you
learn in the first section will lay the foundation for finding your core or highest ambition.
To obtain the most benefit, follow the book in the order it is laid out.
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The Purpose of Purpose
“A purpose is more on-going and gives meaning to our lives . . .
when people have a purpose in life, they enjoy everything they do
more. People go on chasing goals to prove something that doesn’t
have to be proved; that they’re already worthwhile. The fastest
way to achieve goals is to stay on purpose.”
Spencer Johnson, MD, and Larry Wilson
The One Minute Salesperson
What is your purpose for being on this planet? Have you ever wondered if there is a
particular reason for your existence at this particular point in time? Do you want to
leave a legacy? How do you want others to remember you?
Just what is a purpose anyway?
It is something that you are destined to do. A
purpose statement is a single sentence declaring who you are in the world and
underlies your mission statement. Example: ”My purpose is to empower you to live out
your dreams with ease and abundance.”
In discovering my highest ambition, I needed to find out why I was so passionate
about helping others find their purpose and live out their dreams. Instinctively I looked
to my life because out of our passions comes our life story.
A lot of different threads weave through my story, but the most obvious and first I can
remember centers around my life while I was growing up, and most specifically my dad.
I always had the impression my dad was unhappy. Actually, miserable is more the
way I would describe him. He was mostly unhappy about his jobs . . . all of them that I
can remember. I vividly remember my dad coming home from work, with his shoulders
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hunched over and his head hanging low. He would walk right past a mosaic picture of
horses pulling a carriage through the snow.
Looking exhausted and sad, he would sit down at the kitchen table and say to my
mom, “Charlie (that’s what he called her), I can’t take it anymore. I want to quit my job!”
And I can remember my mom, who was looking after our security and well-being in the
best way she knew how, saying, “Just hang in there Mac. Stick it out! We need the
money!” And I can remember thinking, ‘Yeah! Hang in there! We need the money!’ We
didn’t have much money in those days.
This story repeated itself year after year, as my dad persevered. The last two years
of his career were literally a countdown to retirement at age 65. My dad retired at age
65. Two years later, he did some introspective thinking at the prompting of his daughter.
At age 67, my dad declared himself an artist. I can still remember the moment he told
me. My eyes got teary as I recalled the beautiful, mosaic picture on their living-room
wall.
You see my dad made that mosaic picture, but I never saw him working on it. He
created it before I was born. It was a beautiful mosaic, made of thousands of small
hand-cut tiles. My dad had always been an artist but had suppressed that talent for
most of his life while he strove to earn a living for his family. He worked in the garment
industry in New York, and then the carpet industry in Florida. I often wonder what would
have been possible if my dad had worked out a way to utilize his artistic abilities in his
jobs. He had always been a good employee; he might have been a happy one too.
For a while my dad was happier than I had ever seen him. He carved wood etchings
and gave them away as gifts. He traveled to places he had never seen. He also made
more money in his investments than he did at his jobs. I am glad he had that short time
period when he was happy. Unfortunately, it wasn't too long before my dad's health
started to decline. Eventually, he lost patience and could no longer focus on his artwork.
And right now, he is not strong enough to travel. My dad waited until he retired to do
what he loved. It was a small window in the whole continuum of his life. That is why,
more than ever, I strongly urge people to move forward now -- don't wait until you retire
to do what you love. We all tend to live as if we have forever, but really, who knows our
time allotment? Are you doing what you love to do?
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Desired Outcomes of Discovering Your Purpose
Four major outcomes are available from discovering and living out your purpose.
Some of these outcomes are also available from writing a personal mission statement.
Discovering your purpose, however, allows you to get to an even deeper level of who
you
are.
1. Direction - You are probably on some kind of path, but I doubt that you would be
studying this material if you thought that path was right for you at this point. You
probably did as I did (and most people do). You have gone along in life, reacting to
things that came at you and making choices based on what seemed to make sense at
the moment -- basically reacting to life.
A client of mine -- a very intelligent and successful woman, demonstrates an
example of this. A college friend, who was also a role model, told her she would be
good at information systems so she majored in that in college. Her brother told her she
would be a good consultant, and now she is an accomplished information systems
consultant. She is very good at her job and just received a substantial raise. Yet, she
does not like it. She initially chose her path based on what someone else suggested
that she do.
Have you ever done that? Other people love to give advice and tell us what they
think we should do. They have good intentions, but the real answers are inside of you.
Others may know what some of your skills are, but they do not have a complete
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picture of you -- your passions, natural gifts, fears, and dreams. Only you have access
to that information. Retrieving that data is the key to discovering your purpose.
When you know your purpose and choose to live it, you can chart your own course
in life. When you choose your own course, you are able to perform beyond your own
resources. Your confidence rises. Your motives are pure. The Universe lines up to
help you and you are able to accomplish things you never thought possible.
2. Making Choices Easily - Choices become easier when you know your purpose.
Opportunities present themselves everyday. Sometimes it seems as if we want to do
them all. After all, we don’t want to miss out on anything. Do we? When you are clear
about your values and your purpose you know if an opportunity is in alignment with
that or not. Making the decision then becomes easier.
Prior to founding the Center for Balanced Living, I was Vice President of Human
Resources at a graphic arts company in Atlanta. One day we had a meeting with a
couple of the senior corporate VPs and the senior management team of our local
office. The corporate head of HR looked at me and said, “Stacey, we want you to be
Regional HR Manager and be responsible for all of the Atlanta locations and possibly
the other Southeast locations as well.” I looked him straight in the eye and very calmly
said, “Thanks, but no thanks.” He seemed befuddled and scratching his head,
repeated his statement. And once again, I said “Thank you but no thank you.”
I want you to know that this was definitely not normal for me. I had always been
driven to rise to the top of the corporate ladder, and here I was turning down a position
of higher status and eventually, pay. But for once, this posed no temptation. You see, I
had recently become clear about my purpose and I knew that being Regional HR
director was not in alignment with it. As a matter of fact, I knew the promotion would
take more time away from it. I didn’t need to go home and write a pro-and-con list, or
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have a conversation with anyone. The choice was self-evident. And I was totally at
peace with it.
3. Sense of Fulfillment/Passion - A sense of excitement and adventure grows
from connecting with your unique purpose, and a profound satisfaction comes in
fulfilling it. I recently had a client who lives in Tampa tell me that she felt as if she were
high all the time. She just wasn’t used to being this happy. In fact, she wasn’t used to
being happy at all. After feeling this way for about three weeks, she traced it back to
discovering her purpose. Nothing else in her life had changed. She hadn’t changed
jobs and wasn’t in a new relationship. But she was being her purpose in life
everywhere she went. And she was lit up.
4. Balance from the Inside-Out - When you truly get your purpose at the core of
your being, you are living it all the time. At this point, your sense of self comes from
inside of you, rather than outside. You are balanced within, and able to hold steady
when life’s surprises pop up. You may waiver and even falter a bit, but you probably
won’t fall because your sense of self is not based on external sources or
circumstances. This is called ultimate balance and it is a lifetime journey.
All of these things are available from discovering and living out your purpose. I am
not suggesting that knowing your purpose will cure everything that ails you. But living
it, staying on course with it, and overcoming the fears affiliated with it, can provide a
life filled with more joy than you can possibly imagine.
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PART I:
FOCUS: The First Step in Living a Balanced Life
You will find that I speak of balance in two different ways. Ultimate balance, to
which I previously referred, is having a strong sense of who you are and being
centered from the inside out. The second kind is important as well. I will refer to this
as life balance.
Life balance is the balance between the major dimensions of our lives: mental,
spiritual, social/emotional, physical, and financial. What would life balance look like?
The chart depicted here represents life as a pie with 20% of your time spent in each of
the major dimensions listed above. Does that picture represent life balance to you? I
would think not. But many people think that the equilateral pie chart is something for
which to strive. Striving for that can drive you crazy and send you careening. Nothing
practical, sensible, or even ideal comes from it.
Figure 1: Life Balance????
20%
20%
Mental
20%
Physical
Social/Emotional
Spiritual
Abundance
20%
20%
Focus is the first step towards achieving life balance. When I say focus, I do not
mean drive. I am referring to focusing upon what is truly important to you. Life balance
is very much an individual picture and finding that picture requires a deep connection
with your inner conscious.
The definition of each of the different dimensions of balance is listed on the next page.
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Mental - Intellectual, executed or performed by the mind; existing in the mind
(Webster). Examples of mental activities: hobbies, career, volunteer work,
education/learning, thinking, creative expression, and problem solving
Physical - Of or relating to the body as distinguished from the mind or spirit
(Webster). Examples of physical activities: exercise, nutrition, rest/relaxation, and
sports participation
Spiritual - Anything that gets you in touch with your inner self, the meaning of life and
universal truths. Examples of spiritual activities: reading spiritual material, praying,
meditating, communing with nature, and going to church or synagogue.
Social/Emotional - Relatedness with other people and the ability to express yourself
and your emotions with others. Examples of social/emotional activities: communicating
fears, concerns, feelings with others, acknowledging others for their contributions, time
spent being with family and friends.
Abundance - A great or plentiful amount. Fullness to overflowing. Affluence; wealth
(Webster). Examples of abundance activities: giving freely of materials, money,
kindness and time with no direct expectation of return; expressing thanks for what you
have; receiving without guilt.
The steps to achieving life balance are depicted in the chart “Process of Balancing”
that follows. Each will be described in detail in this book.
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Process of Balancing
I. Awareness
• Current Reality
•delete any “shoulds”
•where are you in each aspect of your life?
II. Understanding
• Get to Know Yourself
• release the past
• what is important now?
• what do you value?
• what are your priorities?
III. Clarity
• where do you want to be in each aspect of your life?
• what are your ideal values?
IV. Action
• develop a personal mission statement
• planned change
• weekly goals
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AWARENESS
Current Reality
To prepare for writing a statement about what you want your life to be, you must
first get an accurate picture of where you are right now. This may sound easy but most
people are probably not totally honest with themselves. To confuse where you think
you should be or where you want to be with where you actually are is easy. Your
concept of reality may be what you think reality should be, not what it is. It is often
based on preconceived notions. When you start looking at your life, remove these
preconceptions as if you were removing a pair of sunglasses. Begin freshly with the
notion that you know nothing. Separate the ideas you have from your observations.
Remove the word ‘should’ from your vocabulary.
Example 1: You may have the idea that your physical well-being is excellent. When
you put that preconceived notion aside, you notice that you’ve been tired a lot lately;
you then notice you haven’t exercised for some time and your diet has consisted
mostly of starchy foods over the past few weeks. You begin to wonder which came
first -- low energy, or change in diet and exercise.
While you hate to admit it, the current reality of your physical well-being isn’t what
you thought it was, and your self-assessment rating slips from excellent to average or
good, at best.
This may seem like bad news, but it is actually good news. When you have a true
picture of current reality, you have taken the first step toward having what you really
want your life to be about.
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Example 2: You say that you are available to be in a committed relationship, but
currently, you are not and have not been for quite some time. When you put aside the
preconceived notion that you are ready for a relationship, you realize that you still have
a lot of fears associated with that commitment, and tend to sabotage yourself in this
area. Again, this is the good news. When you recognize the current reality of the
situation, you can take steps to work through those fears and heal old wounds that
may be getting in the way of having what you say you want.
Observing the current reality in all of the dimensions of your life is the first step to
writing a personal mission statement about what you want your life to be. You can’t go
where you want to go if you don’t know where you are now. Being honest gives you the
opportunity to look at what is missing, or, the gap. The gap between current reality and
your personal mission statement acts as a catalyst (creative tension) to propel you
forward to the future you create. I call this “closing the gap to your ideal future”.
Robert Fritz explains an entire in-depth explanation of this creative process in The
Path of Least Resistance.
Follow the exercises below to determine the current reality of your life in the various
dimensions of balance.
Exercises for current reality:
1. Your first assignment is to look at the current reality of your life in all the dimensions
of balance. Take a few moments to complete the well-being inventory and action
plans that follow.
2. Individual visualization exercises. Prioritize your action plans and then pick the top
one or two areas in which you would most like to make changes. Take some quiet,
uninterrupted time to relax and visualize what having those changes in your life would
look like. Play some quiet music in order to relax. Visualizing what you want is the
first step towards making it happen. If, for example, a difficult area in your life
centers around weight or physical fitness, imagine how you would look physically fit.
In what activities would you be participating? Continue this visualization process
every day. Tear out pictures from magazines that represent physical fitness for you.
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Paste them on a sheet of 8 1/2” x 11’’ paper to form a physical-fitness collage. Insert
the collage in the back of your notebook. Keep it by your bedside and look at it every
morning when you get up as a healthy reminder of what physical fitness looks like to
you.
Use this same visualization process with another important dimension in which you
would like to make changes.
“As long as the mind can envision the fact that you can
do something, you can . . . I visualized myself being
there already, having achieved the goal already.”
Arnold Schwarzenegger
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Well-Being Inventory
Current Reality
1 = consistently a part of your lifestyle.
.5 = applies at least half the time
0 = applies less than half the time
Physical
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
I get a preventative health check-up every year
My energy level is generally high
I eat a well-balanced diet and limit my carb and refined sugar intake
My weight is within 10 lb. of the ideal weight for my height
My alcohol consumption is avg. of four drinks or fewer per week
I do not smoke cigarettes, cigars, or partake in illegal drugs
I listen to my body and respect/heed its limits
I generally get adequate and satisfying sleep (without the use of drugs)
The number of sick days I took over the past year is less than six
I understand/heed the mind/body connection as it relates to my health
I take vitamins, minerals, or herbs to supplement my diet if needed
Mental
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
I generally love my life and seldom experience periods of depression
I generally face up to problems and cope with change effectively
I worry very little about the future or things I can’t change
I laugh several times a day and fit play into my schedule
I am always on the lookout for new learning
Circumstances and events external to me rarely affect my self-esteem
Most of the time, I am doing what I love to do (work and personal time)
I am generally able to focus on the current situation/task
I trust my intuition
I am happy most of the time and generally reflect on the positive things in my life
I find ways to express my creative side
I usually leave concerns about work behind when the work day is through
Social/Emotional
__
__
__
__
__
I seek help and support from others when I need it
I have at least one friend with whom I can and do share almost anything
I have (had) close, nurturing relationships with all members of my immediate family
I allow myself to experience and express a wide range of feelings
I listen to others and am empathetic and understanding of their feelings
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__
__
__
__
__
__
__
Each day includes comfortable and stimulating interaction with others
I solicit and accept feedback from others
I stick up for myself when it’s necessary and appropriate
I know what I need in a significant relationship and request it of my partner
I share myself and my feelings easily with others
I am able to access and express my anger in a healthy way
I am in a satisfactory committed relationship, or if not, am ok with my relationship
status at this time
Spiritual
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
I set aside at least 20 min. each day for prayer or meditation
I participate in regular spiritual studies with others or self-study
I accept my limitations and inadequacies without embarrassment or apology
I accept others’ limitations and inadequacies without judgment
I know the purpose of my life and keep it in mind when making decisions and goalsetting
I regularly offer my time and possessions in service to others without expecting
anything in return
I am sensitive to ultimate truths and the spiritual dimension of life
I readily forgive myself
I readily forgive others.
I know what I value and live life in accordance with my values
I see my life more as a journey than a destination
I have faith that everything is unfolding in the right manner
Abundance
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
true (t = 1) or false (f = 0)
I earn a comfortable living by doing what I love to do
I always have enough to live on comfortably
Friends are plentiful and available
I rarely fear having a lack of money
I rarely fear lack in any area of my life (friends, opposite sex, business, family, etc. )
Everything I want in life is available to me now
Love is provided to me through a multitude of sources
I give love freely with no expectation in return
I give money, materials, and time freely to causes I find worthy
I acknowledge and give small kindnesses to those I meet
There is enough time to do everything I want 1to do
__ I am open to receiving from others in all areas of my life
Adapted from Seeking Your Healthy Balance, Whole Person Press, by
Donald & Nancy Tubesing
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Well-Being Assessment and Action Plan
Closing the Gap
Total up your points for each category and record them below:
Physical ______
Mental ______
Social/Emotional _____ Abundance _____
Spiritual _____
TOTAL _____
How to interpret your score:
48 - 60
36 - 48
Below 36
Excellent: Keep up the good work!
Good: You are making progress...keep going
Whoops: There is no time like the present to start taking care of yourself
In which areas are my habits most consistent?_______________________________
In which areas are my habits least consistent?_______________________________
In which areas would I most like to make changes?__________________________
Which particular habits would I like to modify?
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
What actions will I take and by when?
Action steps
Time Frame
_____________________________
______________________
_____________________________
______________________
_____________________________
______________________
_____________________________
______________________
_____________________________
______________________
_____________________________
______________________
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UNDERSTANDING
Release the Past
Before you can create your future it is important to release the past. We all have a
past. Your past existed 10 years ago, one year ago, and one minute ago. Some things
happened in the past that you liked and others that you didn’t. As humans, we tend to
hang on to the things that didn’t work out as a certain indicator of the future. The key
thing to remember here is that “your past does not equal your present or your future”.
The past is the past. And the only thing that exists is your memories of it.
Some things from our past operate at a subconscious level, and we don’t even
realize that they are affecting us today. Values are often one of those things.
“If you are angry, you’re living in the past, and if you’re
fearful, you’re living in the future. To live in the now,
you must be neither angry nor fearful.”
Chinese proverb, unknown
Values
One of the most important steps in having a balanced life is focus. And one of the
key steps in getting focused is identifying your values. When I say values, I don’t mean
morals. Nothing is right or wrong concerning your values. A value system is simply a
set of life priorities. What most people don’t realize is that your values change over time.
New life experiences, both good and bad, will cause you to shift your priorities. Have
you stopped to look at what your values are now as opposed to what they were 5 - 10
years ago? If not, and you think your ladder is leaning against the wrong wall, this could
be the root cause.
Taking a look at how your values have changed over time can provide some big
insights. I had always been very driven to succeed. Drive was a key operating value in
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my life. It was also something by which I had judged others. When men that I dated
were not driven to succeed, I judged them negatively. In retrospect, this is not
something I am proud of, but it is true.
In reflecting on my current and future values, I could see that being driven was not
going to bring me the things that were truly important to me . . . things like nurturing
relationships with my family, friends, and men. The people in my life are the most
important thing to me, and I had been neglecting them.
This continues to be an ongoing lesson for me. Old habits die hard. For a while, I
posted a sign on my mirror that says “Enjoy the Journey.” Eventually enjoying the
journey became more of an integral part of my lifestyle, but, even now times occur when
I must remind myself of that, as old and familiar ways of being can easily creep back
into our lives.
Your values are at the core of who you are as a person. They operate at a
subconscious level to ultimately affect your behaviors and your personality. Your values
operate below the surface, much like the roots of a tree. The roots affect everything
about that tree, much as your values affect who you are -- your behaviors, your
decisions, and your personality.
______________________________
Root System = Values
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Guidelines for identifying values:
To begin to determine what you have valued in life, use the following guidelines:
•
A value is an enduring belief that a specific way of behaving is preferable to any
other.
•
Values serve as a personal guide, policeman, judge and physician. Our values
determine how we vote, and oftentimes we judge others with dissimilar values.
•
Knowing what you value makes choices simpler.
Some examples of values:
•
Achievement
•
Beauty
•
Love
•
Nature
•
Community
•
Contribution
The list of values goes on and on. For a more detailed, although not all-inclusive list of
values, see the list of Sample Values included in this book.
CLARITY
“The world stands aside to let anyone pass who knows
where he is going.”
David Starr Jordan
Eighty percent of success comes from being clear about who you are and want you
want to accomplish.
Knowing the order and priority each value plays in your life
brings clarity and ease in making choices. Two people can have the same top-three
values but different priorities and be very different people.
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Page 21
For example, let’s look at two men. Jack and Joseph both place high priority on the
same things in life. However, the order of priority of their top-three values is different.
Jack’s top-three:
Joseph’s top-three
1) Relationships
1) Career
2) Career
2) Health
3) Health
3) Relationships
You can quickly see that Jack and Joseph will lead very different lives, despite the fact
that their top-three values are the same. Under stressful situations, when having to
make a choice between work and family, Joseph is going to most often choose work.
Under similar situations, Jack is going to generally choose those people who are closest
to him. Neither choice is right or wrong: it just is.
Jack and Joseph may not know why they make the choices they do and they may
struggle a bit over their decisions. That is because our values tend to run our lives at a
subconscious level. When you bring your values to a conscious level and choose what
is important to you now, you can make such decisions with ease and confidence, and
sleep peacefully.
.
Inherit Values
Inherit values are values that we inherited from others, but we live as if they are
our own. We inherit values from our parents, mentors, bosses, culture, society . . . etc.
Often these values run our lives at a subconscious level, i.e., they are always in the
background. Many of us wake up one day and find our ladders against the wrong walls
because we have been moving through life as if through a tunnel, going straight
forward, dealing with whatever comes our way, and then moving forward again. These
inherit values are always in the back- ground, affecting our decisions as we move from
point A to point B to point C.
My own mom valued safety and perseverance, and that pretty much ruled the
decisions made in our household. Dad valued beauty and perfectionism. My parent’s
generation valued hard work as the way to survive. My culture -- Judaism -- values
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Page 22
intelligence and achievement. When I was growing up, much as it still is today, society
placed high value on the traditional family -- husband and wife, two kids, a house, and
a dog . . . until death do us part.
What were the values you inherited? How many of those still fit for you?
I followed those inherited values for many years. I lived a pretty stable life: was smart
and achievement oriented, climbed my way up the corporate ladder, and reached a high
level of recognition and monetary success. I got married at age 23, built a nice house
with plenty of beautiful furnishings, owned a boat, etc.
Over the years, as I got in touch with what did and didn’t work for me, I moved on. I
left an unhappy marriage at age 32, and my “successful” career at 38. I was the first in
my family to do either. In each case, I found that my ladder was leaning up against the
wrong wall. Being married for the sake of being married was not enough for me, and
my career, although quite an achievement, no longer seemed to fit.
In looking back, I can now see that the biggest thrill my promotion to Vice President
brought was receiving flowers from my parents, not from the title.
We often live out our parents’ desires and expectations for us rather than our own. I
see it time and time again with my clients -- creative dreams squashed because
someone said, “You can’t make a living doing that,” or they watched their parents
suppress their own dreams and modeled their own behavior after them. I had a client
who showed me two pictures hanging on his walls. One was of his mom as a flamingo
dancer and the other was a watercolor his dad had painted. He said to me, “Both my
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parents were artists, but they lived as accountants.” He, too, was living in his parents’
footsteps and suppressing his own creative talents. What are your inherited values?
Values Clarification Exercises
1. In clarifying your values, use the list of “Sample Values” included as a guideline, and
add any others that may apply to your life. Start by identifying your Inherit Values.
Use the form by the same name and list the top values of your:
a) mom,
b) dad (or the people who raised you),
c) culture (predominant environments in which you were raised, i.e., rural south, strict
Irish Catholic, inner city, etc.) and
d) the mentor or boss who has had the biggest impact on your life.
You will need to guess as to what each of these peoples’ values were. Base it on the
way they lived their lives and the things they said during a time when you were
around them a lot and most impressionable.
•
After listing out the top values for each of these significant roles in your life,
circle those that you believe are running your life and your decisions today.
Cross out those that are not working for you. Try not to place any judgment
on yourself, or the roles others have played in your life. Recognize that it is all
a part of the journey.
2. Next, take a look at the current reality of your life. Based on the way you live your life
today, and the way you have lived over the past few months, what are your current
life priorities? Note again, that this has nothing to do with shoulds. Forget about the
way you think you should be living your life or the way others think you should be
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living. The goal here is to capture the current reality of the situation so that you will
have a place to start in creating your future.
•
You may find narrowing these down to five difficult. Note that this does not
exclude other values that are important to you. For this exercise, you want to
select the top five. They will be those values upon which you spend the most
amount of time, energy, and thought. After you have listed the top five, re-list
them in order of priority as they show up in your life currently (not as you think
they should show up).
3. The next step in this values-clarification process is to think about your ideal life. Put
on some relaxing music. Close your eyes and picture how your ideal life would look.
Project out to age 55 - 65. What will be important to you then? Where are you living?
Who is in your life? What are you doing? How much of that would you like to have in
your life now? Envision not only how your life looks but also who you are being in
life. When you have this picture firmly in your mind, list the values that are
represented. Then narrow it down to the top five and list them in order of priority.
What would be the number-one priority in your ideal life?
4. Immediately after visualizing, take out some crayons or markers and draw whatever
picture comes to mind. Play some soothing music while you draw or paint. I
recommend that you do not skip this exercise. While it may seem trivial -- drawing
or painting accesses the intuitive side of your brain and often provides big insights
for people. It is also fun! Don’t worry about your perception of your of artistic ability.
Artistic talent has nothing to do with this exercise.
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•
After drawing/painting, notice what objects, people, colors , emotions showed
up in your picture. Have some friends look at it and tell you what they see.
Take a few minutes to journal your thoughts after this exercise and insert
them in your notebook. Refer back to your picture often.
5. To close the gap to your ideal life, notice the differences between your current
values and your ideal values. The lists may be the same but in a different order, or
they may be totally different lists. Which of those things on your ideal list would you
like to be different in your life now? How can you start to make that happen? Write
some action steps that will move you forward in the direction of your ideal life.
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Sample Values
Aspired Values
(what you aspire to have)
Functional Values
(how you attain aspired Values)
_______Achievement
_______Accountability/Responsibility
_______Adventure
_______Affection
_______Balance
_______Autonomy
_______Beauty
_______Communication
_______Community
_______Competency
_______Contribution
_______Courtesy
_______Family
_______Courage
_______Freedom
_______Creativity
_______Friendship
_______Discipline
_______Fun
_______Drive
_______Health
_______Fairness
_______Justice
_______Flexibility
_______Love
_______Forgiveness
_______Nature/Environment
_______Giving
_______Partnership
_______Honesty
_______Peace
_______Humor
_______Power
_______Knowledge
_______Recognition
_______Loyalty
_______Self-Worth
_______Organization
_______Spirituality
_______Reason
_______Stability
_______Safety
_______Wealth
_______Team
_______Wisdom
_______Tolerance
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Inherit Values
Mom’s values
Dad’s values
1.
1.
2.
2.
3.
3.
4.
4.
5.
5.
My cultural values
Mentor/boss’
1.
1.
2.
2.
3.
3.
4.
4.
5.
5.
a) Circle those values that are running your life now consciously or subconsciously?
b) Cross-out those that are not working for you or that you
would like to weigh less heavily in your life.
c) Choose values to replace or take priority over those in
item b above.
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My current values:
List the top-five values that have consistently been present in your
life over the past three months
• _________________
• _________________
• _________________
• _________________
• _________________
List your current values in order of priority:
Prioritize based on which values have taken up the most time or
thought in your life over the past three months. While this may
seem difficult, it is important that you consciously choose an order
based upon how things have really been occurring in your life.
1. _________________
2. _________________
3. _________________
4. _________________
5. _________________
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My ideal values:
Complete this form after visualizing your ideal life. Then list your
top-five ideal values based on what you imagine your ideal life to
be.
• _________________
• _________________
• _________________
• _________________
• _________________
List your ideal values in order of priority. It is important that you
prioritize your ideal values so that you will have consciousness
about what is important to you. It is okay to change the order at a
later date.
1. _________________
2. _________________
3. _________________
4. _________________
5. _________________
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Where is the Gap?
Current Values
Ideal Values
1. ___________________
1. ___________________
2. ___________________
2. ___________________
3. ___________________
3. ___________________
4. ___________________
4. ___________________
5. ___________________
5. ___________________
Note that even things that appear to be small differences, such as a
difference in Priority 1 & 2 , can make a big difference in your life.
For example, if John Smith decides he ideally he wants Friendship to come
before Achievement in his life, he will have to make some significant
changes in his behavior to make this happen.
On the next page, list those ideal values you would like to move up on the
priority list in your current life, and action steps to make it happen.
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Close the Gap to Your Ideal Values
Ideal Values
Action Steps
1_________
______________________________________
______________________________________
______________________________________
2_________
______________________________________
______________________________________
______________________________________
3_________
______________________________________
______________________________________
______________________________________
4_________
______________________________________
______________________________________
______________________________________
5_________
______________________________________
______________________________________
______________________________________
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People in Your Life
The next step in this process is to look at the people in your life. Who are
they? List their names next to the appropriate categories below. You can also list
people who you want in your life in the future, but are not present with you now,
i.e., spouse, children, employees, etc.
Category:
People in your life (present or future)
Family members:
________________________________
________________________________
Co-workers:
________________________________
________________________________
Friends:
________________________________
________________________________
Boss/subordinates:
________________________________
________________________________
Community members:
________________________________
________________________________
Civic or professional-org. members: ________________________________
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It is important to look not only at who these people are to you, but at who you are to
them. How do you want them to remember you when all is said and done . . . at the end
of time?
This exercise is about looking at who you want to be in this lifetime . . . not so much
about what you want to do. Imagine forward to age 70+ or even to your funeral. What
would you want each of these people to say about who you were for them in this
lifetime?
On the testimonials form, list the groups of key people in your life and what you
would want them to assert about who you were in this lifetime (i.e., she was a generous
and loving person . . . ) Project out ideally what you would like them to say, not
necessarily what they would say today.
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Testimonials
Group of
People In Your Life
Affirmation or Assertion
(What you want them to remember about you)
___________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
___________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
___________________
___________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
___________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
___________________
___________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
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ACTION
Completing the Puzzle
By now you have looked at the different dimensions of balance in your life, your
values, and the people who are important to you. You have looked at current reality and
your ideal future, and seen where a gap occurs. The time has come to put the puzzle
pieces together and write a statement about what you want your life to be about in all
the different dimensions. Your statement may be one paragraph or an entire page.
However, including all the different areas of your life in this statement is important.
Remember that the idea is to project out what a balanced life would be like for you.
Write your personal mission statement in present tense, as if it already is that way.
At this point, you may be thinking, ‘Wait, I’m not ready!’ If you have done the
exercises in this book, then you are definitely ready. This will be your first draft. Don’t
worry about the grammar our how it would sound to anyone else, just let the words flow.
You can refine it later.
Examples of statements you might include in your mission statement are:
Relationships -“I model and encourage open communication among family and friends.”
Work - “I am a dynamic public speaker who inspires people to live their life fully.”
Spirituality - “I love myself and others fully and accept myself and others for who we are,
and who we are not.”
Abundance - “I am open to giving and receiving and know there is abundance in the
world”
State your top-three ideal values
“I live by my core values: love, contribution and fun”
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To get yourself into the proper frame of mind to write your personal mission statement,
take time to get quiet by meditating, listening to soothing music or other activities that
quiet your mind. If you feel you need an example to give you an idea of what one
mission statement looks like, go to page 38.
Now take a pencil and begin to write. Just let the words flow through you. Use the
form provided on the next page.
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My Personal Mission Statement
First Draft
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Sample Personal Mission Statement
I am the possibility of empowering all people to unveil their own passions, stand for what they
believe in and live full and balanced lives.
I want to be thoroughly used up when I die;
I strive to always...
love myself and others fully; accepting myself and others for who we are and who we are not;
forgive myself and others for our mistakes, while learning and growing from them;
be related to people in a way that makes a difference for us all;
put myself aside to make a difference in the lives of others.
I am a stand for my family’s greatness;
I create and perpetuate close, intimate relationships with them and empower
them to live fulfilled lives.
I am an effective and dynamic public speaker, touching and making a difference in the
lives of many people.
I operate out of courage and take risks regarding those things in life that are
important to me; putting aside my fear of failure or looking foolish.
I am committed to a partnership with a powerful, loving man; if he does not show up as
powerful then I will empower him to be so.
I live by my core values:
Self-worth, love, health, contribution, achievement/fulfillment, fun
And operate from:
Courage, forgiveness, affection, tolerance and humor
I strive to be complete with everyone in my life as I put my head to rest each
night of my life.
I am open to giving and receiving and know there is abundance in the world.
When my time has come, I will rest peacefully, knowing I have lived life fully, experienced the
variety life has to offer and given of myself and made a difference in the lives of those around
me.
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Life Balance : A Journey, Not a Destination
Now that you know what you want your life to be about in all the different dimensions
of balance, and you know what your ideal values are, you may think that you should
have balance permanently in your life. This may disappoint some of you, but no such
thing as permanent balance exists. It is an oxymoron.
Balance cannot be permanent because nothing in life is permanent . . . all is everchanging. I do not know anyone who has a continuously balanced life. However, you
now know what is important to you, and when feeling out of balance, you can easily look
and see what is missing and choose to put it back in.. The chart on the next page gives
some out-of-balance warning signs. Any of these signs may be a signal to re-assess
and bring things back into balance based on what you identified was important.
At times in your life, you choose to be temporarily out-of-balance. For instance, you
have just begun a new job, are starting your own business, and are getting married, or
traveling around the world. Any of these things may be big priorities for a certain time
period. Note that you choose to make them a priority. The following two steps are
crucial.
1) Communicate this as a priority to others in your life, and ask for their support and
understanding during this time frame.
2) Set a time-period for this project. When it is over, reassess and bring your life back
into balance. Do not be tempted to take on another similar project immediately after
completing this one. That is how your life gets and stays out of balance. This is
particularly true for overachievers.
You now know that your values change over time. Choose a time once each year to
reflect on what is important to you now. Note any changes and re-direct your sails
accordingly.
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“Out-of-Balance”
Examples of Behaviors that May Clue You In
Notice Changes in Any of The Following Behaviors:
Eating
Drinking
Smoking
Exercise
Hobbies
Social Activities
Concentration
Relaxation
Circle of People
Isolation
Examples of Feelings that May Clue You In
Fun...........................................................................................Drudgery
Happy.......................................................................................Sad/Depressed
Energized.................................................................................Lethargic, Tired
Laid Back.................................................................................Quick to Anger
Flexible.................................................................................... Rigid
Accept Differences in Others....................................................Critical of Others
Feel Good About Self...............................................................Critical of Self
My actions are in synch............................................................My actions are not
with how I see myself.
in synch with the
real me
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Part II:
Discovering Your Purpose
“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a
quickening, which is translated through you
into action. And because there is only one of
you in all time, this expression is unique, and
if you block it, it will never exist through any
other medium and the world will not have it.”
Martha Graham
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Uncovering Your Passions
Your passions -- those things you feel really strongly about -- come from your life.
They come from the sum total of who you are to this point. I find the majority of people
are passionate about one or more of the following types of things:
•
a particular obstacle that you faced and overcame
•
an on-going lesson in your life
•
something you love to do so much that time flies when you are doing it.
Examples:
Obstacles
I had one client who had overcome more obstacles in her own life than many people
I know put together. She had learning disabilities, was a recovering alcoholic, and had
cancer that was in remission. She was very passionate about helping other people with
disabilities, and was a past officer of a local association for the learning disabled. The
amount of strength visibly evident in this woman nearly brought me to tears. She did not
believe she could help disabled folks without going back to school to get a teaching
degree. School proved difficult for her due to her learning disabilities. She had made up
for this by being extremely organized. After looking outside the box and networking with
the people she knew in this field, she found she could fulfill on this passion by helping
disabled folks get organized and get a job.
Comparatively, your triumphs over difficult times may look small. But, we all have
overcome different things in our life and generally we are passionate about helping
others do the same. What have you overcome in your life?
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On-going lessons
An on-going lesson in life is something that you are continuously working on to do
differently. At some point, to be a particular way may have seemed to work, but you
now realize it doesn’t fit with what is important.. You have probably made some
progress in this area (recognizing that it no longer works for you is progress), and
sometimes you seem to move forward, and sometimes you may feel as though you are
going backward. You are passionate about your on-going lessons because overcoming
them will make a huge difference in having the kind of life you want.
The best example I can give of this is from my own life. My company, the Center for
Balanced Living, is a result of an on-going lesson. My tendency to be driven to achieve
no longer serves me in having what is truly important to me --a life full of contribution,
and nurturing, loving relationships. My company helps others discover what is truly
important to them and lead balanced lives. I am passionate about that because it is my
on-going lesson too. In some ways, I have moved far beyond the driven, achievementoriented days of old. But it still shows up in subtle ways. My tendency is to become
driven about anything I want in my life from significant relationships to marketing the
business. When I get set on one of these courses, so many ideas and options show up
and I have a tendency to want to do them all. In a short period, I can find myself
overwhelmed, and must, again, remind myself to slow down and focus on the journey
rather than the destination.
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Something You Love to Do
These are the things you so love to do that time evaporates and you wonder, “How
could it possibly have gotten to be so late?’ Examples might be singing or playing an
instrument or playing golf.
If you have an obvious passion such as this, nothing more may need studying other
than how to connect that passion with providing something in the world. Or you may
want to look underneath the passion, i.e., what is it that you love about golf so much?
How can you translate that into other areas of your life?
Your passions may not be that obvious. To uncover them, it helps to go back and
review your life. I recommend the following process:
Exercises:
1. Take some quiet time to complete the Reflections questionnaire in this book.
Note any events that come to mind more than once. Note patterns of
underlying causes, values, and issues.
2. Draw a map of your life. Get creative! Use a large sheet of paper or poster board.
and crayons, photos, stickers , magazine pictures, and mementos. Find ways to
denote obstacles, roadblocks, achievements etc. from your personal and work life.
Notice the themes and times where your life took a different turn.
3. Write a short story of your life, combining the prominent events from both the
Reflections and your map.. Be certain and include your childhood. People tend to
leave this section out, especially if there are painful childhood memories. Your
childhood is where your patterns start.
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Pay particular attention to:
•
obstacles you have overcome
•
on-going lessons
•
things you love to do
•
the one thing you would most like to give to the world
•
painful and exhilarating memories
The intent of the story is to tell others something about who you are. Don’t worry about
“doing it right” or “looking good.”
Choose at least one person to tell your story. Give them a copy of the Listener’s
Instructions provided in this section and ask them to follow the guidelines provided.
Limit your story to approximately 15 - 30 minutes. After you are through, your
partner(s) will ask questions to help you understand, articulate and claim even more
of what you bring to the party.
The importance of telling your story to at least one other person is exemplified by a
couple of students of mine. One student found he was particularly passionate about
helping orphans in other countries. In telling his life story to a classmate, she was
able to hear that he felt abandoned as a child. He had never realized this on a
conscious level until she pointed it out. He will now be able to transfer that passion
to helping anyone who feels alone or abandoned if he so chooses.
Another student told her story and the class saw an obvious theme that ran through
her entire life. The things that consistently lit her up (her eyes literally sparkled) were
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Page 46
standing for the underdog. She had worked for Vista, the elderly, and the Arts
(which she considers an underdog). It turns out she was the only girl of five children
and always felt like the underdog when she was growing up. When asked what she
would most like to provide for the world, she said literacy. The illiterate are yet,
another underdog. When I asked her if she realized she had uncovered her passion,
she said no. She could not hear this theme in her life nor realize what it could mean
for her. But someone hearing it in her words, gave her the key.
Listen deeply to your own thoughts about the themes that come up. About what are
you passionate? What, if anything, are you resisting in respect to this?
4. After completing the above exercises and taking approximately one week to reflect
on your responses and your story, then complete the forms, Recap: Coming
Together and Let it Flow.
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Storytelling Exercise: Listener’s Instructions
Thanks for agreeing to assist in this exercise. Please read these instructions
carefully. Your role is to help the storyteller uncover his/her passions by listening with
the intent to understand with your eyes and your ears.
Pay special attention to the following types of things as the story is told:
•
when their face lights up
•
their expression changes
•
they get sad
•
they seem uncertain
•
they get angry
•
similar themes behind various statement/events
•
unstated reasons of why a particular event was memorable
•
what they want to provide in the world
•
descriptions of childhood events
Clarifying Statements and Questions:
Do not interrupt the storyteller unless you think they are getting off track or staying
on one part of their story too long. Jot down notes so you won’t forget your questions
when the time comes to ask them.
Examples of clarifying statements:
•
I noticed your face lit up when you talked about “x”, tell me more about what excites
you about “x”.
•
A theme that seems to run through your life is providing a safe environment for
others. Can you hear that?
•
I heard you say you got positive feedback about that skill.
Examples of questions with the intent to understand:
•
What about doing “x” really lit you up?
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•
You told me about the biggest stand you took in life, for what exactly were you
standing?
•
Why was that accomplishment so significant for you?
•
Tell me more about your childhood. (especially useful if childhood has been
minimized in the story)
Your comments, observations, and questions do not have to be brilliant. The most
important thing is that you listen with the intent to understand and support the presenter.
You commitment to supporting him or her is the greatest gift you can give.
Never try to tell the presenter what he/she should do or not do for a career, or
in life in general. While you intent would be good, you probably do not have enough
information about the whole person to give that kind of advice. The idea is to listen for
the answers that are inside of him/her and feed back what you hear.
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Reflections
Take some quiet time to answer the following questions. Your first thoughts are most
often the best fit. Notice when similar themes or times in your life come up more than
once. Write down the same or different items as many times as they occur. Don't worry
if a theme doesn’t arise,, but don’t resist one either.
List three prominent times in your life that you have contributed to and made a
difference with others
Name three times over the past two years when you did something that left you feeling
satisfied inside . . . really lit up!
What do you consider to be the three greatest accomplishments of your life? Why?
What are the most exciting things you have done in your life? Why?
When have you taken the strongest stand(s) in your life? What were you standing for?
List three major disappointments in your life
Hardest thing you’ve had to face
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Proudest moment in your life
Words of Wisdom:
If you could share one bit of wisdom with the whole world, what would it be?
What has been the most important lesson you have learned in your life? Why?
Briefly, what is the basic philosophy of your life?
If you could provide something for people to make their world a better place to live
today, what would you provide?
Childhood Review:
What three things would you most like to go back and change about life at home when
you were a child?
As a child, what situations bothered you the most and how does that affect you today?
What specials skills did you develop as a child to overcome or make up for difficult
things that occurred ?
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Recap: Coming Together!
Complete the following items.
Any Obstacles You’ve Overcome:__________________________
______________________________________________________
Recurring Themes in Your Life Story: (personal and work)
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
On-going Lessons:_____________________________________
______________________________________________________
Passions:______________________________________________
______________________________________________________
How would you like to be of service:______________________
______________________________________________________
What things anger, frustrate or sadden you about the way people are
living in the world:___________________________________
______________________________________________________
What things excite you about life:__________________________
______________________________________________________
The one thing you would provide/teach others if you could:
______________________________________________________
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Do’s and Don’ts of Purpose Statements
Do start your statement with the words “My purpose is . . .”
Do limit your statement’s length to one sentence-long.
Do make your purpose general enough that you can fulfill on it in a
myriad of ways, and tight enough that it rules out some options.
Do make your statement simple enough for anyone to understand.
Do post your statement on your mirror and read it everyday.
Do memorize your purpose statement and share it with others.
Do refine your statement from time to time.
Do word your statement in terms of what you want to provide for
others.
Do be your purpose everyday.
Don’t limit your purpose by including a single career choice or single
skill in the statement.
Don’t use big words that nobody understands.
Don’t try to fit your whole vision into your statement. You can write
your vision separately.
Don’t use someone else’s purpose. Yours may be similar but you are
unique and your purpose is unique.
Don’t get too caught up in the exact wording, get your thoughts down
first.
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Don’t worry that your purpose may be similar to others. There will be
plenty of people with a similar purpose. Your personality and how you
choose to carry out your purpose is what will make it unique.
Don’t choose a purpose statement that doesn’t excite you.
Don’t let fear stop you from declaring your purpose.
Don’t worry about “how” you will fulfill on your purpose now. Have
faith that those ideas will come in many forms.
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Let It Flow!
A purpose statement is often something you are passionate about having in your
own life and in providing it for others.
After filling in Recap form, complete the sentence below. You may choose action
words from the list provided or select your own.
My Purpose is
Action words:
Advance
Advise
Affect
Affirm
Cause
Choose
Coordinate
Compose
Construct
Counsel
Create
Demonstrate
Discover
Educate
Empower
Encourage
Enhance
Express
Facilitate
Generate
Give
Heal
Identify
Inspire
Integrate
Involve
Launch
Lead
Live
Love
Make
Motivate
Negotiate
Organize
Perform
Persuade
Promote
Pursue
Produce
Support
Tap
Teach
Touch
Train
Understand
Utilize
Validate
Value
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Sample Purpose Statements
My purpose is to impart knowledge, understanding, or awe so others
may appreciate the wonder/magic of life.
My purpose is to bring enjoyment to people by creating unique,
different and beautiful things.
My purpose is to create a safe environment for self-expression.
My purpose is to empower others to understand who they are, feel the
wonder of life, and express themselves fully.
My purpose is to empower people to go past their old belief systems
and to live life with more freedom, joy, and happiness.
My purpose is to show people how they are connected to the world,
spiritually, physically, environmentally, and socially.
My purpose is to help people tap into their skills and abilities, and
develop their potential in a practical way.
My purpose is to create practical solutions that are aesthetically
pleasing.
My purpose is for all individuals to have the freedom to be
empowered by their differences.
My purpose is to be a catalyst in bringing people together for the
generation of new ideas.
If you are feeling stuck and would like some professional assistance, you
may call me at the Center for Balanced Living to set up a personal
coaching session over the phone or in-person (in Atlanta).
“My purpose is to empower you to live out your dreams with ease and
abundance.”
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Try Some More Purpose Statements on For Yourself
My Purpose is
My Purpose is
My Purpose is
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Continuing the Journey
You may or may not know what your purpose is by this point. If so, congratulations!
Living out your reclaimed destiny is the next leg of your journey. If not, do not despair.
Wherever you are in this process is perfect. If you are determined to uncover your path.
. . . you will! Give it time and keep telling your story to different people. You will continue
to think of relevant things to add to your story and people will hear different things when
they listen to you.
People often ask me, “How will I know when I’ve found my purpose?”. My answer is
simply, “You will know”. Read it aloud. Is there a sense of excitement in your voice? in
your heart? a tingling inside? a twinkle in your eyes? Listen to your inner voice. You will
know.
Fears:
Fear sometimes gets in the way of people discovering their purpose:
The most common fears include:
•
Fear of making a mistake - What if I get it wrong?
•
Fear of failure - What if I find my purpose and then can’t fulfill it?
•
Fear of success - What if I really can be that great?
If you find yourself facing one of these fears, the only thing there is to do is step into it
and find out. Carpe diem. Seize the day! Writing a draft of a purpose statement brings
you much closer to your final statement than nothing at all.
Beliefs:
Another thing that gets in the way are old belief systems such as:
•
Belief that you can’t do what you love and make money too.
•
Belief that all good things take hard work. I have to work harder to find my purpose,
it can’t be this easy.
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Take a moment now to write down any disempowering beliefs you have around finding
your purpose or having a career and life you love.
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
Where did those beliefs come from?
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
Your beliefs create your life. You can choose new beliefs in any moment in time.
What new empowering beliefs would you like to choose now to replace your old
disempowering ones?
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
How Will I Do This?
Many people start trying to make career options fit with their purpose before they are
willing to declare their statement. They can’t see a practical way to earn a living at it so
they drop it altogether. DO NOT DO THIS. Put career options to the side when going
through the process of discovering your path. After you find your purpose, your options
will flow. Discovering your purpose is a creative process. While I am all for practicality,
this is not the time for using it. Listen to your heart. Listen to your intuition. After you
discover your higher path, there will be an abundance of ways to carry it out. Some will
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be more practical than others. That will be the time to put on your practical hat, but also
to be creative and look for ways to carry out your dharma (Sanskrit word that means
“purpose in life”) outside the norm. Most people find they can fulfill their purpose
anywhere, including their current life situation. Even if you are not currently happy
where you are, you can create fulfillment by doing what lights you up at every
opportunity. Create fulfillment by being your purpose.
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Next Steps: Living Out Your Purpose
It is important to understand that aligning your life and career with your purpose will
likely be different than any changes you have made before. Moving into the arena of
fulfillment is a process. If it was as easy as making a job change, you would probably
not be studying this material. You are at a point in your life where you are looking for
something more. That something more has big rewards and there may be obstacles
and fears to overcome to get there.
Patience is required for this process. Remember that life is a journey, not a
destination. The things you learn on this journey to fulfillment have the power to change
the way you live your life in every area. It is a journey of personal growth and
transformation. The journey will be uncomfortable at times . . . it can even be painful.
Set your sights on a long-term objective and know that it is worth the ride. Once you
are on this path, it is very difficult to go back.
Set your sights big. Your long-term vision isn’t likely manifest in two weeks or even
two months. That does not mean, however, that you life and career won’t start to look
different in the short term. There is a transition period to the bigger dream. The
following steps are the pathway to that dream.
Steps:
1) Discover and declare your purpose.
2) Be your purpose right where you are.
3) Brainstorm short- and long-term career ideas that are in alignment with your purpose
statement. Pick those that most call to you and visualize yourself doing them.
4) List your natural gifts and talents (Appendix 1). How can you best utilize these to
fulfill on your purpose? What skills would you like to strengthen? If you would like a
more formalized assessment, I recommend the Rockport Career Test. Call me or
visit www.balancedliving.com to find out more.
5) Create a transitional job that is more in alignment with who you are. It may be a
derivation of your current job at your company (if you are currently employed) or may
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be a different job at a different location. It could be a part-time job or volunteer work.
It is here that you begin to acquire the skills and/or confidence for your bigger vision.
6) Start putting the pieces together to live your bigger vision. The specific details of this
vision now become clearer and options for fulfillment will show up.
7) You are living your purpose all the time and keep taking steps to a vision that is
continuously expanding.
Time Line:
I would like to be able to give you a clean, crisp time line for each of the above steps.
But as you may have guessed, it is up to you. It depends on your desire and intention to
move forward, the structures you have in place to keep you moving past obstacles and
fears, the size of your dream, and the size of the gap between your dream and current
reality. Simply stated; this is not a quick fix.
Example:
The following is an example of the above process by a client of mine named “Tom.”
Tom’s purpose statement is “My purpose is to impart knowledge, understanding, or awe
so others may appreciate the wonder/magic of life.”
Tom is a very intelligent man in his mid-40’s. He has an extremely good command of
the English language and is very bright. When he came to me, he held an
administrative job and was barely utilizing his natural gifts and talents. He had written
articles and books in the past, but did not have much luck getting published. He had a
very rocky career path and had overcome some pretty big obstacles along the way.
Tom and I brainstormed ideas for fulfillment of his purpose statement, including
teaching English. Tom thought he could not teach at the college level without further
degrees, but I urged him to investigate it. Upon doing so, Tom found he could teach at
the university level on a part-time basis with no further education. He took the part-time
job while maintaining his full-time position.
The next time I saw Tom was at a dance. He said to me “I am having so much fun,
when does the fun stop?” I laughed and told him it didn’t have to stop. I saw Tom again
a month or two later and he was still lit up. He joyously told me about his class and his
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students and how much fun he was having. He also said that he started looking inside
at what there was to do with this knowledge he was sharing with his students and
realized it was probably time for him to start writing again.
Tom is now ready for that possibility again. He was not ready for it before. My guess
is that Tom will be successful at it this time around. He is a different person than he was
before and he now has a purpose to his writing.
Your Commitment
Everyone works through this process at their own pace. The fact that you have made
it to the end of the book shows commitment on your part. Your commitment to personal
transformation, plus a willingness to face your fears is what will determine the pace at
which you progress. The unfolding of the process is totally driven by your intention and
application. It is up to you. The only person that can do it is you. Others, such as a
coach, can provide you with insights and facilitate the process, but you must be willing
to work at it, to uncover your purpose. . . to uncover your soul. If you would like some
assistance in this process, feel free to contact us at the Center for Balanced Living to
see if coaching would be beneficial for you.
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Appendix 1:
My Gifts and Talents
Self-Evaluation
List your personal characteristics, those things that uniquely define you ... personality,
physical, intellectual and emotional including any and all unique gifts and talents you
may have.
What things do people compliment you on?
What do they seek your opinion/advice on?
What do you do that gets you in trouble?
How can you apply the thing that gets you in trouble in a way that is constructive?
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How Others See My Gifts and Talents
Ask at least three people for permission to interview them regarding your gifts and
talents. Ask them to be as honest as possible and promise to take all feedback as a
contribution to you. Interview them in person or over the phone. Do not hand them the
form to complete. Listen carefully to what they say -- do NOT argue or contradict them
-- just listen, write it down and thank them for their contribution. You may make copes of
this form for your use in this exercise.
1) What are my greatest strengths?
Personality:
Physical:
Intellectual:
Emotional:
2) What would you consider to be my most special gift or talent?
3) What trait do I have that seems to get me in trouble or not have me be as
successful as I can be?
4) Do you see a way that I can use that trait in a constructive manner?
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References
Boldt, Lawrence (1993), Zen and the Art of Making a Living, Penguin Books
Covey, Stephen R. (1989), The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Simon & Schuster,
Inc.
Fritz, Robert, (1989), The Path of Least Resistance, Ballantine Books
Golden, Edward (1994), Understanding Your Personal Values, Human Resource
Dimensions, Inc.
Jones, Laurie Beth (1996), The Path, Hyperion
Tubesing, Donald & Nancy, (1991) Seeking Your Healthy Balance, Whole Person Press
Walker, Eric (1994) CareerWise, MMI Public Relations
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About the Author
Stacey Mayo is founder of the Center for Balanced Living, an organization dedicated
to empowering people and organizations to live out their dreams with ease and
abundance. She lives with her soul mate in a suburb of Atlanta. with their two golden
retrievers, Lover Boy and Georgia. Prior to starting her own company, Stacey was Vice
President, Human Resources at a graphic arts company in Atlanta. She holds a B.S. in
Business Management from Tulane University and has over 20 years of training and
consulting experience. She is a Master Certified Coach and a certified career coach
through the Rockport Institute and has assisted thousands of people in living out their
dreams with amazing results! She has been an instructor at Kennesaw University and
Emory University where she taught Unlocking Your Personal Purpose and Mission in
Life. She also leads private workshops, coaching groups and customized speaking
engagements on a variety of topics. She is author of “I Can’t Believe I Get Paid To Do
This!” and creator of the 3-minute inspirational Dream Movie, which can be viewed at
www.thedreammovie.com.
Stacey was profiled on television in the CBS Evening News segment, “Confident
Women." She has appeared in Forbes, Newsday, the Wall St. Journal, Atlanta Sports &
Fitness, Atlanta Woman and Woman’s Day. She has been featured a number of times
in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, including the piece, “Midlife,” which engages women
in considering how they can stop deferring their dreams.
Further information about the services offered by Center for Balanced Living is
available at the website, www.balancedliving.com. Go to the website to download a
free self-assessment to determine your level of healthy success and subscribe to our
free ezine, Living Out Your Dreams.
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