Lauren
Gibbons
Gibbons | Writing Needs a Place to Play:
Leaving
Room for Rehearsing through Revision Centers
page
16
Writing Needs a Place to Play:
Leaving Room for Rehearsing
through Revision Centers
W
hen I first read the eighthgrade sample of narrative
writing included in the Common Core Appendix C (2010), one of the
initial beautiful craft moves I noticed was
the author’s skillful use of repetition to
convey an emotional response to a situation. During my first years of teaching,
my classes discussed the use of repetition
in narrative writing; those discussions
were part of my attempt to provide students with a toolbox of writing strategies
and craft moves they could implement in
their own writing.
Yet, when my middle level students utilized repetition, it almost always felt forced or monotonous. It does not feel that way, however, in the
Common Core sample.
In that narrative, the speaker tells the story of
her relationship with an older woman, Miss Sadie, and reveals how she loved spending time with
Miss Sadie, despite what other people thought of
the elderly woman. The reader soon learns of
Miss Sadie’s mental deterioration to the extent
that she does not recognize the speaker anymore.
In the piece, the author uses subtle repetition to
reveal the emotional devastation that the speaker
feels. The first lines of the narrative start with,
“Miss Sadie no longer sits in her rocking chair
on her porch on summer days. But I still can see
her.” While these lines hook the reader immediately, the magnitude of them is not revealed until
the words are echoed at the conclusion. By the
final lines in the piece, the reader can recognize
the significance of being able to imagine Miss Sadie sitting on her porch, while also feeling the
importance of holding on to a memory of how
someone once was.
As I studied an early batch of student writing in the 2012–2013 school year, I noticed that
only two papers of the eighth-grade stack used
repetition in a meaningful and interesting way.
In Michael’s (all names are pseudonyms) lead for
a narrative about his hobbies, he used repetition
as a way to hook the reader:
We all have those little things in life that make us
happy, the things that make us happy when we are
sad or having a bad day. We all have those little
things we use to cool down. For me those two things
are football and baseball.
Similarly, Addison uses repetition as a way to
paint a clear picture for the reader and communicate her intimate connection with her guitar:
I lightly place the curved wood up against my knee,
placing the acoustic guitar properly on my leg. A
smooth curve. A smooth feeling of sound. A smooth
cold wood that fit so well on my leg. The beach to
my left seems never ending, as if the water goes on
forever. The sound of the steal [sic] strings softly
quench my need for a soft chord as I strum with a
light flick of my right thumb.
Here, Addison uses the repetition of the
phrase “a smooth” and of the s sound to literally
create music in her reflections about music. Yet,
most of my students did not even attempt repetition in their writing, and if they did, it was in
a way that felt superficial and one-dimensional.
In thinking about the demands of the Common
Core for narrative writing, I knew I needed to
push the students who had not attempted repetition to see it as another “move” they could make.
Copyright © 2014 by the National Council of Teachers of English. All rights reserved.
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I wanted to help them understand how repetition
could be used to enhance pacing or meaning. I
was also intent on motivating students like Michael, who had attempted repetition, to think
about using it in ways that enhanced their content. In addition, I saw an opportunity to support
students like Addison, students who evidently
understand the complex nature of repetition, to
reimagine how they could use repetition in the
most effective ways. I needed a new approach to
motivate them.
Theory and Experience-Driven
Learning
My new strategy for teaching craft moves in narrative writing that would meet the CCSS and
create more authentic writing was based dually
on theoretical underpinnings and personal beliefs. My theoretical framework was based on
the work of teachers whom I admire. I could not
escape Jeff Anderson’s (2007) “What do you notice” question, which he uses to invite students
to study the effect of grammar and structure on
meaning. I returned to Lucy Calkins’s (Calkins,
Ehrenworth, & Lehman, 2012) idea that the
Common Core’s expectations for narrative writing exceed, in terms of complexity, the Standards’
expectations for informational and argumentative writing. Her team’s observations about the
Common Core’s nuanced expectations of narrative writing clearly signaled that I must not just
amplify my informational and argumentative
writing instruction; I understood that I must also
critically examine how I teach narrative writing.
In my concerns about raising the bar too
high too quickly, I continually thought back to
Katie Wood Ray’s (2006) advice on how to show
students complicated and challenging “moves” as
writers through mentor texts, while understanding that each student will achieve a personal level
of mastery that may not match other classmates’.
I felt empowered by her idea that not all students
need to master everything at the same time, in
the same way.
Yet, I also kept thinking about my own educational experience, and the moment when I’d felt
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most inspired to explore different possibilities. I
kept returning to that moment in kindergarten,
on Friday afternoons, when we were allowed to
go to centers. It was during those sessions that I
had a chance to try on different roles and jobs,
to rehearse to see what those possibilities might
actually be like. On various Friday afternoons, I
was a block-building engineer, a housewife, an investigative journalist, a mad scientist, and a computer aficionado. When
I was in my kindergar- I created interactive learnten centers, the opporing centers where students
tunities for exploration
were infinite, and it was discussed repetition in
those feelings of explodifferent texts, studied the
ration and opportunity
that I wanted to spark nuances, and rehearsed how
within my own eighththey could utilize similar
grade adolescents. From
all these reflections, the techniques to enhance the
idea for the revision cenmeaning of their writing.
ters was born. I created
interactive learning centers where students discussed repetition in different texts, studied the nuances, and rehearsed how
they could utilize similar techniques to enhance
the meaning of their writing.
Something New—Revision
Centers
Structure
The setup of the revision centers was simple.
First, we spent a day as a class discussing repetition and looking at examples. I drew primarily
from Harry Noden’s Image Grammar (1999), utilizing his definitions of literal repetition, grammatical repetition, and parallel structure, as well
as his examples from Edgar Allan Poe and an
anonymous letter written to a soldier in Vietnam. I find it important to have a whole-class
instruction day in order to prepare middle level
students for independent work. Doing so helps
the students become familiar with terminology
and learn how to talk about repetition.
Next came the most challenging part: finding
the texts that would be meaningful for students
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during the revision center sessions. My goal was
to find texts that would provide them with examples of repetition that were different, accessible,
and applicable. Table 1 details the segments of
texts that I chose and my rationale for each.
Step 3: Discuss the effect of the repetition on the passage. Why do you think the
author used the repetition that he/she did?
How does the repetition enhance the content?
Direction
Step 4: Discuss, as a group, where you think
this type of repetition could be useful in writing. What could this type of repetition show?
At the beginning of class on the second day, students were given the specific logistics of the revision centers. In my class, we had seven tables set
up around the room, and one of the mentor texts
had been placed on each table. Each student
brought his or her writer’s notebook and a piece
of recent narrative writing. Rotating through the
centers in groups of four, students spent ten minutes at each station, during which they completed
a series of tasks:
Step 1: In your writer’s notebook, title the
piece you are working on, based on the title
of the author you are studying.
Step 2: Read the piece/excerpt and find the
repetition. What do you notice?
Step 5: Find places in your own text where
you could use this type of repetition. Jot
down a plan to try this type of repetition in
your writing. After you brainstorm, rehearse
with a group member how you could use
this in your own text.
At the end of the ten minutes, students were
asked to move to the next station. I found that
the focused, timed task, followed by an opportunity to move right after completing the task,
provided students with a chance to critically consider many types of repetition and imagine how
repetition could play out in their pieces without
compromising endurance and rigor.
Table 1. Mentor texts for revision centers on repetition
Text
Rationale
First two pages and last two pages of S. E. Hinton’s
The Outsiders (1967)
This provides an example of a full-circle ending. Specific
lines or words are repeated for emphasis. The time gap
(the events of the entire book) between these instances of
repetition demonstrates its change in meaning.
Jerry Spinelli’s chapter “Good Boy” in Knots in My
Yo-Yo String (1998)
This provides subtle repetition in ways that build an
expectation and then reverse it. This shows how repetition can be manipulated to enhance meaning.
Chapter 54 in Yann Martel’s Life of Pi (2001)
Here, Martel uses the repetition of a list, but also the
repetition of punctuation to reveal character doubt and
concern.
Ralph Fletcher’s “Scuttlebutt” chapter of Marshfield
Dreams (2005)
Character interactions and actions are repeated here to
reveal character traits.
The vignette “A House of My Own” from Sandra
Cisneros’s A House on Mango Street (1991)
Cisneros uses repetition of imagery and what something
is “not,” forcing the reader to imagine what “is.”
Chapter 1 of Sherman Alexie’s The Absolutely True Diary
of a Part-Time Indian (2007)
Repetition of the phrase “I draw” is utilized, with each
repetition complicating an idea.
Crow Call by Lois Lowry (2009)
Here, readers will find repetition of –ing verbs and verb
structure.
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Fruit of Student Conversations
As is often the case, the ideas students expressed in
their conversations far surpassed my own (which
afterward seemed shallow) about the texts. As I
studied these comments, I noticed certain exciting trends. I saw students reading closely to look
for patterns, building working theories about
the use of repetition and possible meanings, and
questioning the writer’s intent as well as their
own initial assumptions. Some applied repetition
vocabulary we had learned as a class, speculating about why writers would make certain decisions, and rehearsing where they could try the
technique in their own writing. The comments
I scribed while students discussed the Alexie text
exemplify the complexity of their thoughts and
conversations.
Group 1:
Mag gi e :
I think that he repeats “I draw”
so many times because really he is talking
about a different reason every time. He is
really proving his point by repeating. By
repeating this phrase, he is showing what he
thinks, not just telling it.
addi son :
He could have just said “I draw
because . . .” and listed the reasons. So why
did he separate each one? What’s the reason
for that?
mic h ael :
That would be boring.
addi son :
There is literal repetition, an
echoing. He keeps returning to this idea.
sarah :
It’s not just because what he says
is important. It is because he wants to be
important. There is a difference.
Group 2:
jen n y :
It’s not just “I draw” that is repeated, though. It’s also “I feel” as well.
emily :
He is really putting himself in the
center of this using this repetition. It’s not
boring because he introduces a new idea
each time.
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jenny:
He wants to be understood, to be
universal.
c hr i s t o p he r :
Anyone could use this
type of structure. You could use it to talk
about pain, fear, to entertain. This kind of
repetition makes the purpose clear.
e m ily :
I could
use this in my
hobby narrative. I
could repeat and
clarify my passions
the same way that
Alexie does here.
c hr i s t o p he r :
As is often the case, the
ideas students expressed
in their conversations far
surpassed my own . . . I saw
students reading closely to
It could also really
help you explain
the “so what?” It’s
emotional.
look for patterns, building
Group 3:
sible meanings, and ques-
e mma :
He also
repeats “rich and
famous,” too. You
just don’t notice it
as much as the “I
draw.”
working theories about the
use of repetition and postioning the writer’s intent
as well as their own initial
assumptions.
t ho m a s : It shows that he is confident
about his drawing. I could use this in my
writing when I talk about winning the gold
medal in swimming. I was confident then,
too.
meagan:
Look at all of the commas that
Alexie uses here. It’s like lists on lists on
lists. And look at the last line. He uses the
repetition as a metaphor here. That complicates it even more.
joseph:
I think all the repetition here is
boring and drawn out. Just get to the point
already.
a n t ho n y :
Look at where he talks about
the languages. He uses “or” to separate each
item in the list, instead of commas. Why?
a le x :
He is talking about the barriers
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between each language. It’s like by repeating
the “or” he is physically creating a barrier
between the languages.
k ai t l i n :
He keeps repeating the “I draw.”
It’s like he is trying to persuade someone.
Maybe himself?
lily:
He keeps repeating “I draw” here
and he is so worried about people understanding him. Maybe he repeats this phrase
in order to prevent anything from getting
lost in translation.
My notes on their comments continue for
pages. Evidently, these young adolescents noticed many more nuStudents learn to rehearse ances and complexities in
Alexie’s writing than my
many different options
“repetition of the phrase
before choosing the strat- ‘I draw,’ with each repetition complicating an
egy that fits best, instead
idea” blurb reveals. The
of settling for one that revision centers encourage students to discuss
simply fits.
the “moves” that professional writers make and
then help them rehearse how they could use
the strategies in their own writing. This readreflect-rehearse-repeat pattern enables students
to produce narrative structures that reflect the
Common Core Standards for eighth-grade narrative writing. More important, it shows students
that they can write like published writers and that
the strategies we learn can be used in countless
ways. Students learn to rehearse many different
options before choosing the strategy that fits best,
instead of settling for one that simply fits.
Application to Student Writing
Students went to each revision center before
turning to their own work. They were then directed to:
1. Use the ideas from the revision centers to
incorporate repetition into your writing.
You can add the repetition to either your
narrative itself or in your writer’s notebook.
You should attempt to model the types of
repetition that you saw in the revision centers.
2. After you are finished adding repetition,
reflect on the process by writing about what
repetition you added, how you chose that
particular spot to add it, what effect you
hope the repetition has, which piece of writing from the revision centers the repetition
was modeled after, and how you used the
revision centers to influence your work.
The results of this endeavor proved exceptionally
connections from readwritethink
Making Peer Feedback More Constructive
This RWT lesson, “Reciprocal Revision: Making Peer Feedback Meaningful,” is designed to help middle school students
develop more constructive peer feedback on writing through the use of reciprocal teaching strategies. Instructors begin
by sharing a work of art with students and discussing the artwork using four reciprocal teaching strategies—predicting,
summarizing, clarifying, and questioning. In so doing, students can transact not only with text from authors, but also
with text written by their peers. Students then use the reciprocal teaching strategy in small groups to help them revise
their written responses about a work of art. These conversational strategies can help make the revision process more
constructive and meaningful for students.
http://www.readwritethink.org/classroom-resources/lesson-plans/reciprocal-revision-making-peer-403.html
Lisa Fink
www.readwritethink.org
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fruitful and reflected the nuanced writing I was
aiming to achieve. Andrew drew from a pattern
he noticed in Spinelli’s writing, which involved
repeating a phrase three times, with the first two
times showing details and the final repetition revealing the main idea. He wrote:
All I needed to do was hit a double and run to the
base safely. My hands clinched my bat tightly as if
my hands were glued to the bat. I couldn’t loosen my
grip. Sweat ran down my face as the pitcher kicked
his leg back to line up for his pitch. Then he leaned
forward with all his strength. He threw the ball as
fast as he could toward me. Then, “bam,” the sound
of relief. “Bam,” the sound of happiness. “Bam,” the
sound of the umpire screaming “ball one!”
Sean modeled his repetition after Spinelli’s
use of “do not fear” and Hinton’s repetition of
the word remember to describe a moment filled
with mixed emotions. He wrote:
Storing my anger, I put the 50 breaststroke past
me. All that mattered now was the butterfly. Adrian
looked ready, but I wanted it much more than he
did. The ref blew the whistle, signaling us to step up
to the block. I did not fear Adrian. I did not fear the
ref. I did not fear the buzzer. I did not fear anything.
I distinctly remembered what happened. My parents
remembered. Maybe even the whole stadium remembered. This time, when the loud buzzer rang,
I did not hesitate a tenth of a second. I exploded off
the block, feeling like I ripped it out of the bulkhead.
It was like a shotgun had went off, and I was the bullet. I quickly put my arms in to a streamline, hit the
water with great speed and took off.
Kaitlin was inspired by Hinton’s ability to
“let the reader relive the whole story” with her
use of bookend repetition. She wanted to let the
readers “refeel all the emotions that they felt
while reading the story,” so she created this new
conclusion:
Sports are a part of many people’s lives. It’s also a
part of my life. I hear people always have to win in
their sport. I hear second place just isn’t enough. I
hear winning is everything. To me, having fun is really what counts. If you’re doing something you love,
isn’t that winning enough?
Lily found guidance in Sherman Alexie’s repetition of a key phrase, through which the meaning became more complicated with each use:
By the second lap, my fingers were brushing the
backs of her shriveled up feet, which somewhat resembled dried up prunes. I remember thinking, Hey,
at least I’m faster than someone on this team! I know
what it feels like being the slowest, so I don’t think to pull
in front of her. I know what it feels like having the shriveled fingers of my teammates brushing up against the tender bottoms of my feet. I know what it feels like always
being pushed to the back of the lane of girls. I know it’s
humiliating.
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Beyond Repetition
The idea of revision centers is universal. As I examine and reexamine the Common Core State
Standards, I find endless
opportunities to use this Most important, revision
technique for all types of centers create a full, round
writing. In my classroom,
the strategy has proved picture of a writing strateto be applicable far be- gy rather than a superficial
yond my narrative writing
curriculum. Each set of glance.
Standards provides many
opportunities to study specific craft elements,
and the specific language of the Standards offers
ideas for designing revision centers, as detailed in
Table 2. While there would not be enough time
to use revision centers for each topic, teachers
could pinpoint the areas in which students would
benefit most from the opportunity to rehearse,
using that context to determine revision strategies.
Most important, revision centers create a
full, round picture of a writing strategy rather
than a superficial glance. On a Friday afternoon,
my eighth graders can no longer pretend to be
block-building engineers, housewives, investigative journalists, mad scientists, and computer
aficionados. Yet, when teachers take the idea of
kindergarten centers and elevate it to the middle
school level, students can pretend to be Sherman
Alexie, S. E. Hinton, Jerry Spinelli, Yann Martel,
and other acclaimed authors. I cannot imagine a
better way to meet and even raise the Standards
than learning from the writers we most admire.
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Table 2. Possible revision center topics, based on standards
Type of
Writing
Ideas for
revision
center topics (sorted
by grade 8
Standards)
Argument
CCSS.ELA-Literacy.W.8.1
Informational
CCSS.ELA-Literacy.W.8.2
W.8.1a
• Introductions
• Introducing claims
• Distinguishing claims from
counterclaims
• Organization of argument
W.8.2a
• Introductions
• Organizing by topic
• Headings and titles
• Charts, tables, and graphics
W.8.1b
• Supporting claims with logical reasoning
• Supporting claims with
evidence
• Selecting reliable resources
• Citing reliable resources
W.8.1c
• Transitioning between
claims and reasoning
• Transitioning between
evidence and reasoning
• Transitioning between
claims and counterclaims
W.8.1d
• Word choice
• Grammar study of punctuation
W.8.1e
• Conclusions to arguments
W.8.2b
• Selecting facts
• Developing definitions
• Developing details
• Developing quotations
W.8.2c
• Transitions
W.8.2d
• Domain-specific vocabulary
• Precise language
W.8.2e
• Word choice
• Grammar study of punctuation
W.8.2f
• Conclusions
Narrative
CCSS.ELA-Literacy.W.8.3
W.8.3a
• Point of view
• Introductions
• Sequencing and time order
• Flashbacks
• Flashforward
• Plot structure
• Direct characterization
• Indirect characterization
W.8.3b
• Dialogue
• Pacing
• Reflection/ introspection
• Repetition
• Internal dialogue
• Character description
• Setting description
W.8.3c
• Transitional phrases for
traditional time order
• Transitional phrases to signal flashback or flashforward
• Sentence length/complexity
W.8.3d
• 5-sense description
• Show, don’t tell
• Simile
• Metaphor
• Personification
• Onomatopoeia
W.8.3e
• Conclusions
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References
Alexie, S. (2007). The absolutely true diary of a parttime Indian (E. Forney, Illus.). New York, NY:
Little, Brown.
Anderson, J. (2007). Everyday editing: Inviting students
to develop skill and craft in writer’s workshop. Portland, ME: Stenhouse.
Calkins, L., Ehrenworth, M., & Lehman, C. (2012).
Pathways to the common core: Accelerating achievement. Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann.
Cisneros, S. (1991). The house on Mango Street. New
York, NY: Vintage Books.
Fletcher, R. J. (2005). Marshfield dreams: When I was a
kid. New York, NY: Henry Holt.
Hinton, S. E. (1967). The outsiders. New York, NY:
Viking Press.
Lowry, L. (2009). Crow call (B. Ibatoulline, Illus.).
New York, NY: Scholastic Press.
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Martel, Y. (2001). Life of Pi. New York, NY: Harcourt.
National Governors Association Center for Best Practices & Council of Chief State School Officers.
(2010). Common core state standards for English
language arts and literacy in history/social studies,
science, and technical subjects. Washington, DC:
Author.
Noden, H. R. (1999). Image grammar: Using grammatical structures to teach writing. Portsmouth,
NH: Heinemann.
Ray, K. W. (2006). Study driven: A framework for planning units of study in the writing workshop. Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann.
Spinelli, J. (1998). Knots in my yo-yo string: The autobiography of a kid. New York, NY: Knopf.
Lauren Gibbons is a middle school English language arts teacher in New York and a recent
graduate of Teachers College, Columbia University. She can be reached by e-mail at
[email protected].
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