Leicester City
Writing Exemplification
Year 4
Without annotation
March 2016
Contents
Introduction
Standard descriptions for writing
Commentary
Writing
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Procedural - instructions
Explanation
Recount – in the form of a diary
Recount – in the form of a letter
Narrative – fable
Recount – in the form of a report
Introduction
In order to support practitioners in Years 1, 3, 4 and 5 exemplification has been produced. A
group of teachers and consultants from across the city, with experience in a range of
assessment approaches, met to discuss and agree teacher assessment judgements for
these year groups. This has resulted in a set of exemplification materials which can be used
to support teachers with forming accurate and robust teacher assessment judgements.
‘Standard’ descriptions for writing have also been devised that are aligned to the national
curriculum.
This exemplification has been collated from primary pupils in Leicester City to demonstrate a
child working at end of year expectations across a range of work. Two collections have been
produced for each year group: one includes the original piece to demonstrate handwriting
and presentation and the second is annotated with comments to link the writing to the
standard descriptions and national curriculum. Each collection had been selected from one
pupil’s English and cross-curricular writing books. Of course teachers will base their
judgements on a much broader range of evidence. The exemplification materials have not
been nationally standardised.
Many thanks to all those staff and children whose hard work has contributed to completing
the collections of work:
Laura Bisiker, James Stevens, Rachael Townsend and Eric Neill (Parks Primary School)
Shahida Chowdhury (Sandfield Close Primary School)
Sharon Downes (Inglehurst Junior School)
Clare Haywood (LA English and Assessment Consultant)
Melanie Hendy (LA English and Assessment Consultant)
Clare Osborne (Woodstock Primary school)
Helen Priestley (St. Thomas More Primary School)
Jo Puttick (Independent English Consultant)
Louise Spencer (Highfields Primary School)
They have been skillfully supported by:
Andrew Stimpson (Raising Achievement Team)
Zaheda Ebrahimji (Raising Achievement Team)
How to use the exemplification materials
This collection of work should be used alongside the national curriculum programme of study
statements for the end of each year group. Each judgement has been made across the
whole collection of work and not on individual pieces. Collections of work should be read
alongside the appropriate standard description and overall commentary.
Leicester City standard descriptions for writing
Standard description for Writing at age-related expectations in Year 1
Writing shows a sequence of simple sentences that communicate meaning with some
compound sentences joined with ‘and’. Some sentences are punctuated correctly using a
capital letter and a full stop and occasional exclamation marks or question marks. Words are
spelt phonetically plausibly for the 40+ phonemes with some correct choices of graphemes.
Most exception words are spelt correctly including some words ending in suffixes, -ed, -ing, s, -es. Most letters are formed correctly leaving space between the words.
Standard description for Writing at age-related expectations in Year 3
Writing demonstrates a mix of sentence structures, including some subordinate clauses, and
ideas are beginning to be grouped into paragraphs. Some adverbials, adjectives and
prepositions are used to add detail within correctly punctuated sentences (including question
and exclamation marks and some apostrophes for contraction and singular possession). An
increasingly varied and rich vocabulary is starting to develop. Inverted commas may be used
to punctuate speech. Past and present tenses are used mostly correctly with some use of
other verb forms and subject-verb agreement is mostly correct. In narrative, settings,
character & plots are created. Simple organisational devices are used in non-fiction. Prefixes,
suffixes and homophones are mostly spelt correctly (for those rules taught in Year 3).
Handwriting is joined and becoming more legible and consistent.
Standard description for Writing at age-related expectations in Year 4
Writing demonstrates a mix of sentence structures, including subordinate clauses, and ideas
are organised into paragraphs. Adverbials, pronouns and nouns are used to make links
between sentences and expanded noun phrases add detail. An increasingly varied and rich
vocabulary is developing. A range of punctuation is mostly used correctly, including: inverted
commas and a comma after the reported clause in speech; commas after fronted adverbials;
question and exclamation marks; apostrophes for contraction and possession. Past and
present tenses are used mostly correctly with use of other verb forms and subject-verb
agreement is mostly correct. In narrative, settings, character & plots are created. Simple
organisational devices are used in non-fiction. Prefixes, suffixes and homophones are mostly
spelt correctly. Handwriting is joined and becoming increasingly more legible and consistent.
Standard description for Writing at age-related expectations in Year 5
The forms of writing are mainly appropriate to their audience and purpose and demonstrate a
mix of sentence structures, including mostly accurately punctuated subordinate and relative
clauses, with ideas organised into paragraphs. A range of punctuation is mostly used
correctly, including: inverted commas and a comma after the reported clause in speech;
commas after fronted adverbials; question and exclamation marks; apostrophes for
contraction and possession. Embedded clauses are used mostly correctly to insert detail and
are punctuated with commas, brackets or dashes where necessary. A wide range of devices,
including adverbials and tense choice are used to link ideas and build cohesion within and
across paragraphs and expanded noun phrases add detail. Vocabulary is beginning to be
selected to enhance meaning. In narratives, settings, character and atmosphere are
described and dialogue is integrated to convey character and advance the action. In nonfiction, further organisational devices are used to structure the text and guide the reader.
Tenses, including modal verbs, are used mostly accurately and subject-verb agreement is
mostly correct. Spelling is mostly correct including words with silent letters and homophones.
Handwriting is mostly fluent and legible and written with increasing speed.
Commentary
Across the pieces of writing, this child demonstrates sufficient evidence of working at
the expected, end-of-year standard for Year 4 in writing. The range demonstrates
secure use of a mix of sentence structures, simple, compound and complex
(punctuated by full stops, question marks & exclamation marks) and ideas are
organised into paragraphs.
Fronted adverbials (mostly punctuated with a comma) ‘All of a sudden,’, In the
ballroom,’ are used in each piece to indicate when, where and how. The writer is
beginning to use pronouns (and occasionally nouns) to make links between
sentences. Expanded noun phrases are used across most pieces and they are
particularly effective in the fable: ‘clouds as fluffy as candyfloss’ and ‘a huge crowd of
lovely ladies’. More varied vocabulary is developing.
The use of tense includes good use of the present progressive, ‘keep on repeating’,
‘I am writing’, past progressive ‘I was half way through tipping’, and present perfect
‘Today has been the worst day in my entire life’ and is generally correct. Speech is
used within the collection and punctuated in a variety of ways, ‘Kill him!’ and ‘A
mouse,’ it yelled’.
In narrative, settings are well described in the fable along with plot and character is
created in the diary. Sub-headings are used to structure the instructions.
Although spelling is mostly accurate, errors can be made in the correct choice of
homophone. Handwriting is joined and becoming increasingly more legible and
consistent.
Context:
The class had been learning about sound in science and had made string telephones
as part of the topic. The structure of the instructions was provided and the writing was
independent.
WALT Title: Write instructions showing how to make a string telephone
Have you ever wanted to talk to your friend without anybody knowing? Well now you can! Just
follow these instructions. It won’t take long at all! It will only take about ten minutes – that’s it!
A string telephone is easy peasy
lemon squeezy to use. It’s not
even electricity! When you speak
into your cup the other person
will put it against there ear and
the sound travels down the
string to the other persons ear!
You will love love it. It’s
awesome!
What will you need:
You will need two cups, a meter
and a half string, meter stick, a
pencil also scissors.
What to do:
1. First, get your two cups and
use a pencil to make a hole
in the bottom of them.
2. Next, use your meter stick to
measer it half meter of string.
3. Furthermore, pick up your
string and thread it through
the hole in your cups. Then
tie a knot in the string.
4. Finally, pull the string so that
it is tight.
Now you and your friend have a
string telephone!
Context:
The class had been reading ‘The Witches’ by R. Dahl and had been interested in how
the mice were trained. They were reminded of the features of good explanations, e.g.
the use of causal conjunctions but the writing was independent. At times, the pupil
confuses instructions with explanation, using commands in some sentences.
WALT Title: Writing an explanation
How to train your mous to do rope walking
There are many different types of mice that do tyle tight rope walking. So, how can
you train a mouse?
First, stretch the string between
your two hands sothat it is nice
and tight. This makes it easier
for the mouse to walk along.
Keep it short about three inches
long because if it’s to long the
mouse won’t walk across. Next,
put the mouse on your right hand
so he is ready for the task.
On your other hand put some
cake on it causing the mouse to
walk across. Let the mouse have
a nibble of the cake only a nibble
otherwise you will have none left.
But your When the mouse has
walked across, put him back on
your right hand and make the
rope a bit longer and keep on
reapeting it.
Intirestingly, a mouse has a
better sense of smell than a
human.
Context:
The class were horrified to read what happened when the witches discovered the boy
and used freeze frame to explore his thoughts and feelings. The writing was independent.
WALT Title: Write a diary entry
Metamorphosis
Dear diary,
Today has been the worst day in my entire
life. It all started of fine until I started to
realise when that the women were realy
witches. However, I didn’t no what was going
to happen!
In the ballroom, I was just minding my own
busness, training May and William my pet
mice tring to teach them how to do tight rope
walking. All of a sudden, the door burst open
and a huge crowd of lovely ladies flouded in
chatting there heads of. They were from the
RSPCC. I hid behined the screen because if I
came out, I would be in trouble! A lovely lady
came on the platform and they all began to
take of their hair, hats and shoes. I saw feet
shaped as a square, bold scalps and claws.
They were witches!
One of the witches at the back sniffed the air
and yelled “Dog’s droppings”. I realised she was talking about me! I ran oh how I
ran! I know there was know way out and I was going to be caught but I still ran.
I was absolutely petrerfied . Unfortunately, I was caught and pinned down to a table.
The Grand High Witch shoved a bottle down my throat whilst laughing. It was called
formula eighty six mouse maker. It was very painful it felt like I was eating red hot
chillies. It sped spread all over my body. I screamed and screamed it felt like it
would never end.
You’ll never guess what happened next? I started shrinking, I grew fur and started
shaking. My legs turned to jelly and I started to quiver and spin. Meanwhile, the
witches just giggled. It seemed like I was having a fit!
Suddenly, I started to shrink it seemed like the Grand High Witch was getting taller
and taller. The Grand High Witch muttered “Kill him!” Luckily, I maneged to escape.
I hope that I turn into a human again soon!
Context:
Later in the story, the children discussed the point when the boy entered the kitchen as a
mouse. They were reminded of the conventions of letter writing and then wrote
independently.
WALT Title: Write a letter
Dear Grandma,
I am writing to tell you about the
horrible day I had in the kitchen.
I was in the kitchen as you know,
waiting to tip the mouse maker into
the pea soop. I couldn’t reach the
soop so I had to tie my tail to a pole
I was like a mouse acrobat. I
swung forward and backwards until
I got higher and higher. It was quite
scary because I had to make a
really risky jump! I could have of
fell into the boiling hot food. All it
had to take was a chef to look up
and see me.
All of a sudden, I heard a loud deep
voice “A mouse”, it yelled. I was
half way through tipping the
formula in. They all started
throughing knifes and food. A knife
came fling at me and chopped of
about two inches of my tail off.
Because I couldn’t go enywere else
I ran up the chef’s trousers! An I
went higher to his knickers!
Suddenly I heard something “Take
of your pants” that was the most
rubbish I ever heard. I ran out the
kitchen as fast as I could.
A ktho Although I loved being a mouse, I hope I turn back to a human one day.
Yours truly your grandson!
Context:
WALT Title:
The class had been reading fables and had orally told a simple fable, embellishing
the original text. The children invented their own fable, selecting new characters,
setting and plot. These were planned and written independently.
Write a fable
The wolf and the pigeon.
“What fun it is to be a wolf,” exclaimed the wolf as
he galloped around the tree. He was in the woods
listening to the birds singing and beez bees
buzzing. The sun was beaming down, there was
only a tiny bit of breeze! It was half way through
the morning. All around were clouds as fluffy as
candy floss and long swishy grass. Everything was
just perfect. Nothing could possibly go wrong.
All of a sudden, wolf spotted a bit of orange
cheese in a hole. He was extremly hungry so he
tried tryed tried to reach for the cheese. However
he couldn’t get it. Without thinking he stuck his
head in the hole and grabbed the cheese. With all
his might, he tried and tried to pull his head out but
it wouldn’t budge! After a while, he began to feel
disoriantated. Wolf was envious of the other
animals who were eating juicy blackberries,
wrigerly worms and green grass. Wolf
howled angrily!
Suddenly wolf heard a tweeting noise
getting closer and closer! Wolf realised
that his opportunity had came. “HELP!”
screamed the wolf as he tried to wrigle
himself out. Someone finally took notice
and stopped. It was a kind and friendly
bird. She pulled, and pulled and pulled.
Slowly the wolf managed to askape.
“Are you ok now?” enquired the bird. “Your very heavy!” the wolf didn’t pe replie reply
for a while.
“Cheese mummbled the wolf. “I see you’re hungry, here take a nibble of my cheese!
He didn’t have a nibble he had the whole lot! He quickly scrammbled away and was
never to be seen again.
“I’ll always think before I act” said the bird.
Context:
The class had been learning about the Ancient Egyptians in history and had
watched a TV a TV programme about the discovery of Tutankhamun’s tomb. The
children planned and wrote the report of the events independently taking the
viewpoint ofan eye-witness to the event.
WALT Title:
Write an eye-witness report
A Golden Sarcophagus Found
Earlier this week, two famous archaeologists
named Howard Cater and Lady Evelyn found
Tutankhamun’s tomb in the Valley of the
Kings.
On the 4th of November, The archaeologists
were digging when all of a sudden Lord
Carnarvon felt his hand touch something.
However, they kept on digging. However it
was just a stone. They were bored, dejected
and tired they wanted to give up!
Later that day, Lord Carnarvon felt a very
hard object under his spade. He dug and dug
until he found steps. He quickly shouted
Carter who came rushing over. As they got
further down, they found a steep wall. Lord
Cann Carnarvon was very excited to open the
wall tomb. Proudly they knocked down the
high wall. Inside the dark, musty room was a
huge golden sarcophagus sitting right in the
middle of the room. All around was were
statues of slim cats with pointy ears and small
dogs. In the corners were gold, jewerly and
potery. Howard Carter, Lady Evelyn and Lord
carnarvon couldn’t believe their eyes.
Although Howard was overjoyed, the
Egyptians wouldn’t allow him to take The
tomb back to Engerland because the tomb
belongs to the Egyptians.
The questions is what whi will happen in the tomb now?