Words of Pain, Truth and Hope
A compilation of poetry from across the
province of Ontario raising public awareness
of Violence Against Aboriginal Women
2011
Ontario Native Women’s Association
This book is dedicated to the many missing and
murdered Aboriginal women and girls in Canada.
To the families who have lost their sisters, daughters, mothers, grandmothers, aunts and friends we
thank you for courageously sharing your stories and for inspiring the movement for social change. We
will not forget your loved ones. We will not forget your pain. We will stand beside you until justice is
served.
Miigwetch ...
To all the writers who generously shared such beautiful and honest words about an issue that has
touched your lives or the lives of someone you know. Your expressions not only help us to continue
raising awareness about violence against Aboriginal women, but they also give us hope - as for many, the
healing journey has begun.
To all the ONWA staff, Board of Directors and Locals who continue to advocate for eliminating violence
and achieving justice for Aboriginal women, their families and communities.
The content in this compilation is property of each individual author and has only been included in this resource by
The Ontario Native Women’s Association with permission from each author.
© 2011 Ontario Native Women’s Association on behalf of contributors.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
BROKEN By Roxann Karonhiarokwas Whitebean..............................................................1
FIRST NATION WOMAN By Eva Kaketum..................................................................... 2
Seven Different Ways By Stephanie Wesley.................................................................... 3
Wanting to be Free By Sarah Brown................................................................................. 4
A Native Beauty By Shannon Jane Slipperjack.................................................................. 5
My Journey of Who I am Today By Diane Richmond (Michano)................................. 6
You Have to Help Me By Northwind................................................................................ 7
My Deepest Fear By Northwind......................................................................................... 7
MANY SMILES By Northwind............................................................................................8
Tsikonsase (A new face) By Alyssa General.................................................................... 9
Goodbye Nightmare By Christine Montour.................................................................... 10
Abuse By Selma Crane.........................................................................................................11
Chrysalis By Loretta Sky.....................................................................................................12
SLAM By Donna Simon.......................................................................................................13
A Love Long Gone By Tiffany Huber .............................................................................. 14
Sisters by Choice By M. Kuhn ..........................................................................................15
Painful Cycle of Family Violence By Stephanie Ritch................................................. 16
Like a shadow By Rachel Mishenene................................................................................17
Untitled By Rachel Mishenene........................................................................................... 18
Be still my Heart By Loretta Sky ..................................................................................... 19
Feeling Me By Rachel Mishenene.....................................................................................20
~Winning Entry 2011~
BROKEN
By Roxann Karonhiarokwas Whitebean
Body prints covered, we’re scarred deep within
We are destined to live in pain, our race is a sin.
We were just children, and you took that all away
You hurt us immensely, we face it every day.
Glass shattered in a broken home, look at what you’ve done
We realized it’s all my fault, you are your father’s son.
Look around our life is over, there’s nothing left to do
You never stopped or got the help, so I am leaving you.
How could I be so foolish, to speak to him this way
My head is throbbing from that hit. it’s time for change today.
I think I’ll just be quiet, until he goes to sleep
I’m packing up and leaving town, let’s hope the kids don’t weep.
This freezing night we’re teary eyed, we’ll be there very soon I’m scared to death what will we do? I pray
to grandma moon.
Take a stand to end the violence, your new life will begin.
My indigenous sisters are proud and strong, it only starts within.
1
FIRST NATION WOMAN
By Eva Kaketum
Born a woman.. .to First Nations
Strong, proud, and free...
Giving all my love, my soul, my life to you...
Somehow...I Iost me.
It was all about you
when my face came black and blue
all about you when I came back to you
yes it was all about you when I tried to kill myself
feeling numb.. numbing out.. full of self doubt
but I’m a First Nations’ woman...
strong, proud and free...
you can bend me but...
like a tree...
I bounce back! I pull myself out of the hole,..
Regain my soul.. and take control!
No one will ever hurt me again my friend
For I am worth more than 1 can ever imagine
And will not settle for less
than the best!
For I am strong, proud, and finally free!
2
Seven Different Ways
By Stephanie Wesley, November 19th, 2011
You will not believe that I still kiss his lips
After all of the pain, the cuts, and the hits
You will not believe that I still love him so
His heart, his soul, his hands on my throat
You cannot deny that we are perfect
The lying, the cheating, the tears and neglect
You cannot deny that he is a man
If a man is someone who hurts a woman as much as he can
You do not believe that I am happy
With the bruises, the welts, and the scars over me
You do not believe that we will always be one
But it is true.
We will be - just look at our son
Our son doesn’t know what really goes on
In the night, in the dark, fights go on until dawn
Our son doesn’t cry now, he just laughs and he plays
While his daddy hurts mommy in seven different ways
You will not believe that my life is like this
The fists hurt but his kisses? I cannot resist
You will not believe that this is happening to me
But really, the pain goes when he says he’s sorry
Really?
Does the pain go when he says he’s sorry?
3
Wanting to be Free
By Sarah Brown
I have found a man
Who loves me so
He holds my hand
And says I am his foe
We spend our time
Always together
And when we don’t
We’re on the phone forever
Why does he question
Whenever I’m alone
Why does he call
Twenty times on the phone
I woke up this morning
To him outside my place
The day after he threatened
To kill himself in front of my face
If I leave, he will die
So I stay and always cry
He tells me no one
Will ever want me I am ugly and fat
And will never be free
My friends are gone
Because of him
I can’t hold my head up
Because I’m so thin
I look In the mirror
And don’t see me
Just a sad, ugly woman
Wanting to be free
4
A Native Beauty
By Shannon Jane Slipperjack
A Native woman has such beauty
Even from birth, her mother must beam with pride
She will hold her baby girl with such protection
The baby girl learns instinctively, how to love
A Native beauty learns love instantly
She carries that love all through her life
Even at her darkest hour and or when she feels alone
There is something deep within her and she keeps on
Because, life is hard for a Native woman
She encounters much problems, walls, and barriers
She becomes the target of neglect, mistreatment, and abuse
Yet, she manages the strength to see her through all the obstacles
It is not always like this Thank the Creator
For the reason that her life is filled with happiness as well
When she dances her colors are beautiful like her
Her moves flow ever so gracefully
She loves to dance and it shows
A Native woman’s beauty becomes visible
In how she loves her children and enjoys her friends
She knows how to laugh, share stories, and have fun
She shows the world love in how good she treats people
Then one day she will hold her baby girl and beam with pride
The first thing she will teach her baby girl is love
5
My Journey of Who I am Today
By Diane Richmond (Michano)
I was violated by sexual abuse at the tender age of 11, by a man in the black robe of our church.
I ran home full of fear. I felt dirty and ashamed. I could not tell my mother what happened to me, as she would
not believe that this holy man could do this to me. I had no bruises to see, but the deep emotional and mental
anguish that I carried for years, would affect me later in my life. I felt anger, resentment, guilt and my self
confidence was lost and I became shy.
I was also abused by a woman in my teenage years that caused me more guilt and pain. Blaming myself,
thinking it was my fault.
I became overweight at a young age, and I believe that this was a way to protect myself and feel safe.
My abuse has affected my relationship with my partner and raising my three daughters, but I continued to be
the best mother and wife.
I knew that if sexual abuse happened to any of my daughters I would be sure to teach and talk to them, and let
them know that they can come to us and let us know if anything should happen to them.
I started my healing journey in the early 1980, In my home of origin Pic River First Nation. I had the privilege
of taking part in many programs. This is where I started my journey, in the Traditional Ceremonies such as
fasting in the Sun Dance and many other ceremonies. I was able to connect with my Native Spirituality, which
continues to help me in my journey.
In my 50th year I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and I believe that the abuse I suffered by carrying the pain
of the past had an impact on my diagnoses and other health issues such as depression.
I felt the need to go to the sexual abuse program down south, but decided to take the program offered at the
Pic River Holistic Healing Center. I chose not to run away but rather face my abuse where I grew up. I was forever
grateful and I was on my way to being free.
Today at the wise age of 64,1 have fully let go of the abuses. I forgave all my abusers, and most of all forgave my
self. I talked to my friend to the fat that surrounds my body and affirmed that I don’t need it to protect me any
more. I approve of myself. I love me. I am safe and free at last. I can walk with dignity and respect as a strong
Anishanaabe Quay.
6
You Have to Help Me
By Northwind
I need help in realizing that my life is sacred and worthy
When I share my thoughts, listen closely to my words
I need encouragement to build up my self confidence
When I enter the room don’t allow me to shy away
I need to feel that my presence will be respected
When you praise me with your positive kind words you empower me
I need your unconditional love because in the end you have helped me
My Deepest Fear
By Northwind
My deepest fear is someone not hearing my quiet cry for help
My deepest fear is someone not noticing my bruise that I intentionally hid underneath my sleeve
My deepest fear is that my children might start to believe that abuse is normal and tolerated
My deepest fear I overcame by walking away
7
MANY SMILES
By Northwind
I have many different smiles
My first one is a shy smile I get it when I feel timid
My second smile is a quick smile that happens when I feel unsure
I have a fake pretend smile that I use a lot
I use this fake smile so that things stay normal as can be
I do have some good smiles they happen when I am around my children
I have a proud smile that happens when I feel proud of my children and sometimes I smile so much that
my smile can’t hold in and I burst out with laughter
I have many smiles
8
Tsikonsase (A new face)
By Alyssa General
As iron raw teeth clench under his heavy soles,
And I hear him heckle and snap and lick his twisted gap smile.
He whose almighty fist does kiss my cheek with a flowering bruises.
Sprawling on the floor,
Cursing every dying cell to thrust this life to live,
Like dry leaves licked by flames and crushed underfoot,
I am extinguished to cinder and soot.
Could I absolve you of this?
These trespasses you make against me,
Whether it’s my words, my body, or my spirit,
You’re not half the man you used to be,
But there are those twice the man you are,
My new face does not bruise as easy,
You are like a curse that wraths upon me,
Whose aggression capsizes and begs to remedy the wounds you inflict.
You steal my power so I will give you none of my light.
I will gather me up and rust the shackles that keep me here,
I deserve more,
She deserves more,
Your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your wives
We are women, and our bodies are ceremony,
And are sacred as such
We are strong, and every man should remember that he is born from our strength.
9
Goodbye Nightmare
By Christine Montour
You beat me like you should beat the drum
You shake me more than the rattles
Violated everyday
You are my nightmare without a dream
A thousand tears I’ve cried
Underneath Grandmother Moon’s light I finally put up a fight
Eyes as black as ice as you raped my life
Never any remorse bury mc back in our mother
You think you’ve won when you took my life
With the creator,
I will be somewhere you will never get to see
As I say goodbye to my nightmare
Finally free my spirit will be
10
Abuse
By Selma Crane
Abuse isn’t something you should hide
It isn’t this thing they call love
It hurts everyone inside
Abuse doesn’t mean you can abuse
It isn’t right so it is wrong
It shouldn’t be an excuse
Abuse can destroy hope
It can lead to the end of the rope
Abuse can lead to destruction
It can lead to drugs and a broken heart
And you may feel rejection
11
Chrysalis
By Loretta Sky
I thought by loving you, you would change
Your tender/gentle hands disguised the evil within
your empty promises were swept away with the wind
I thought by showing you love, you would change
The drugs and alcohol changed you from a dear friend
to someone I feared and grew to hate
Walking on pins and needles unsure of when I would lose my balance, my self
and fall into the abyss
unable to grasp or reach a solid foundation
I was drowning
Telling family and friends of my many “accidents’
Black eyes, bruises were a norm
Lies, deceit became my daily routine
I thought by giving you love, you would change
Betrayed and raped by the one who professed to love me
Afraid and ashamed of what I allowed myself to become
I thought I was to blame
I thought by giving in to your whims, you would change
Isolated from family and friends
I no longer knew who I was
I no longer knew who you were
My love wasn’t enough
My love for myself was non existent
I learned to love the most important person, me
No longer afraid, no longer bruised and alone
No longer enclosed in a cocoon
I stand tall and proud and reaffirmed myself as a person, as a woman
I took control of my life once again
The change would not be from you
the change was to be me
I from a chrysalis to a butterfly
12
SLAM
By Donna Simon
Slam! You don’t exist
Slam! You don’t matter
Slam! You don’t fit the bill
Slam! You remind them too much of the wrongs they committed and still do
Slam! Don’t look at her
Slam! Don’t acknowledge her goodness
Slam! Keep her down
Slam! Slam! Slam!
Slam! Talk about her
Slam! Make innuendos to discredit her
Slam! Do not honour the fact that she is someone’s daughter sister, mother, friend, co-worker,
grandmother, a strong Anishnawbe Que.
Slam, She is just like you
She is you
13
A Love Long Gone
By Tiffany Huber
Her pain is strong, her words are deep.
She speaks with sorrow, words that weep.
She’s lost her mind, no longer kind.
Just pushed away, no house, a stray.
She cannot see the ones who love.
Lost her will to look above.
Believes one way to make it better
Goodbye, Farewell, the only words in her letter.
She’s fallen into a slumbered sleep.
Hoping her soul is not in the body she keeps.
14
Sisters by Choice
By M. Kuhn
Hurtful words and pain lashed in my direction,
Moving through the halls trying to minimize detection.
Working hard to please those who do the damage,
Not really sure how the pain we’ve come to manage.
Although I know I am not the cause of all the anger and detest,
It still surprises me to see how it can manifest.
Who do I trust to not continue to spread the pain?
When the ones I see every day cause all the strain.
They are my sisters, together we stand.
Stronger, healthier, more whole we will be,
If we heal ourselves and set the pain free.
15
Painful Cycle of Family Violence
By Stephanie Ritch
Little sweet child
Who remembers
Hiding quietly
Behind the couch
Crying silently
Parents screaming
Very violently
Mamas heart hurts
Family torn apart
Just another night
Sleep is safer than light
Upon the girls arrival
From her first job
Saw a broken stereo
Its plastic pieces
Disfigured so drastic
Glimmering at dawn
On the front lawn
Resembling her family
Life wasn’t fun
When the parent
Had too much rum
They do not remember
The sad Christmas Eve
Another bloody December
Dad taken by cops
Mom in a shelter
Life in welter
She feels her only hope
Lies at the end of a rope
16
Like a shadow
By Rachel Mishenene, 1996
Like a shadow that had fallen
With the break of day
Appreared an image unclear
It crept on me
With its cold blooded stare
And tore out my spirit
Leaving me bare
Attempting to close
The sanctioned door
My mind too weak
I fell to the floor
Curled in my arms
Like a fetus in womb
I prayed to be removed
From this fear, and this doom
17
Untitled
By Rachel Mishenene, 1996
Hard crashing words
yelled into my ear.
In defense, I am deaf.
Hard clenched fists
pushed into my face.
In defense, I am blind.
Hard striking kicks
punctured into my ribs.
In defense, I am paralyzed
Soft, sweet Sorry
silently whispered in my ear.
Soft, smooth hands
touch my cheekbones.
Strong firm legs
wrap around me.
I hear.
I see.
I feel.
I know what I have to do...
18
Be still my Heart
By Loretta Sky
Our whirl wind romance left us love struck
I was swept off my feet
As we gazed into each other’s eyes
Endearing words whispered to one another
Professing our forever love
Taking my breath away
Be still my heart
Piled with drugs and alcohol you were the life of the party
People wanted to be in your presence
With each drink and drug you consumed your adoring fans became few and far between
Mistresses discarded with every new euphoric recipe you concocted
Words became toxic, strong gentle hands that once cradled a delicate rose, became weapons
inflicting pain and turmoil
My heart broke
I could no longer appease or satisfy you
I could no longer smile and pretend that life was good
My insides were shattered, ribs broken, eyes and spirit bruised
I could no longer live a lie
Under cover of the darkness I stealthily packed my bags
Too late, a punching bag I was to be
Sirens shattering the stillness of the night
The darkness beckoned me
Be still. My heart.
19
Feeling Me
By Rachel Mishenene, 2005
Just the other day I was
Alone
Afraid
and Scared.
My life seemed
Hard
Complicated
and Empty.
There were always
Hurdles
Hurt
and Pain.
But deep inside me lay
Hope
Strength
and Courage
The choice to Be
Free
Strong
is Mine.
Hard roads traveled
Strengthened Me
Everyday
I can See things more clearly
and for what they really are.
I awoke Today
Feeling Bold
Feeling Strong
Feeling Free
Feeling Me
20
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Contact Information:
Ontario Native Women’s Association
380 Ray Blvd
Thunder Bay, ON P7B 4E6
Phone: (807) 623-3442
Toll Free: 1-800-667-0816
Fax: (807) 623-1104
E-mail: [email protected]
Website: www.onwa-tbay.ca
Facebook: www.facebook.com/ONWA7
This resource is not for resale.