By the Grammar Goddess,
Barbara Bakowski
A CRIMINAL CASE OF
Pronoun Abuse
All rise!
The Court of Good Grammar is now in session!
The Honorable Grammar Goddess presiding.
Making the Case
DEFENSE: Will de Feat, counsel for the defense.
May it please the court, 1 ask that all charges
against my client, Stew Dent, be dismissed. He
has been charged with several counts of faulty
usage of pronouns. This is the defendant's fiucst
offense, and he tlirows himself on the mercy of
the court.
DEFENDANT: Yeah, Your Honor, get off my case!
Me and my friends don't like grammar.
JUDGE: Counselor, please instruct your client
that any lapse in grammar is highly offensive.
Don't make me impose a gag order! Your
T motion is denied.
PROSECUTION: Your Honor, I am Anita Wimi for
the prosecution. Your Honor, this is an openand-shut case. Mr. Dent was clearly heard
uttering this offensive sentence, which I submit
as evidence and which henceforth shall be
referred to as Exhibit 0:
"Hiyn and me went to the mall last night
and met up with Jen and Heather."
As the court is aware, the case of a pronoun
shows its job in a sentence. The subject is
usually the "doer" in the sentence.
If a word is the subject, it takes the
subjective case.
DEFENSE; Your Honor, I object! Ttie proserutor
just admitted that case caii be subjective! Rules
of grammar shoitid be objective.
That's wrong! Your defendant should say He and
I went to the movies. Both pronottns are subjects,
so both of them should be iit the subjective case.
JUDGE: Objcctioti overrtilod.
DEFENSE: Between you and I, Your Honor, can
you let my client off with a warning?
PROSECUTION; An object usua]ly receives the
action of the verb. Sometimes an object follows
a preposition, such as for or to.
W a word is an object, it talces the
objective case.
Some pronouns take different forms, depending on their case.
/, he, she, ivp, they, wiw, and wh.oevcr are
subjective case pronouns.
In the sentence He uses good grammar, the
pronoun fie is in the subjective case.
Me, him, her, w.s, them, whom, and whomever
are objective case pronouns.
[n the sentence Him and me went to the
malt last night and m.et up with Jen and
Heather, him and me are the subjects, and yet
they are objective case pronouns. It's outrageous and inappropriate. The defendant is in
clear violation of the rtiles of proper tisage. I
rest my case.
The Case for the Accused
DEFENSE; Your Honor, the prosecutor is making
a federal case out of a few minor slipups. My
client was simply confused when faced with a
compound stibject.
PRDSECUTION; Here's a tip for the defendant.
Drop one noun or pronoun for a moment.
Tlicn yoti can tel! which case yoti should use.
Suppose Mr. Dent went to the movies with his
friend. Should the defendant say He and me
went to the movies? Let's drop one pronoun; He
went to th^e movies. That, sounds right. Now ]et's
drop the other pronoun; Me went to the movies.
JUDGE: That's a negative! In your statement, both
pronouns are objects of (he preposition between.
They must be in the objective case. / is a subjective pronotm; it should be replaced with the
objective pronoim me. As in Between you and
me, yoti cotild use a grammar lesson yourself!
DEFENDANT; You lawyers and judges talk so formal. It is I! This is she! That sounds too faticy.
Why can't I jtist say, Hey, it's me.
PROSECUTION: Alt, here's another tip to remember
LJniike an action verb, a form of the verb to be
is followed by a pronoun in the subjective case.
The pronoim is not an object, or a receiver of
action by a verb. Instead, the pronoun identifies
or refers to the subject.
Case Closed
JUDGE; The jiuy has foimd the defendant. Stew
Dent, guilty as cliarged. I sentence Mr. Dent to a
term of nine months in an educational facility to
be detennined by tlie Department of Grammar
Corrections. Young ma!i, I hope I will not see
you in my courtroom again.
DEFENDANT: Not I, Your Honor! I've learned my
lesson about pronouns. You won't see me
no more,
JUDGE; Hmmm. Well, at least you'll have plenty of
titne to study up on dotible negatives!
S008
WRITIHG
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