Overview

Don’t Forbid My Tears
Facilitating Emotions at End of Life


Presenter: Janine Folks, Chaplain
Henry Ford Hospice Wayne Team

When people try to stop me from crying, I
reply: “Don’t forbid my tears; tears mean
healing is on the way.”
End of life issues trigger a variety of emotions
Those emotions often generate tears.
Tears are the words that are too profound and
deep for to be spoken by mouth.
Permission granted for re-production.
Re-publication prohibitied.
Overview cont’d










So why are tears so often forbidden?
Why are people reluctant or ashamed to shed
them?
As care providers, how can we help people
become more comfortable with their tears?
How to we become comfortable with our own?
Issues to Explore

Why people avoid tears
Cultural inhibitions
To avoid sadness
To avoid loss of
emotional control
To hold on to the little
control they have left





How people who cry are
perceived




Emotional
Fragile
Dramatic
Weak
Permission granted for re-production.
Re-publication prohibitied.
Permission granted for re-production.
Re-publication prohibitied.
Spirituality of Crying
Science of Tears
Jesus wept [John 11:35]
Men & women both cried in the Bible. It was
culturally acceptable for both genders
God bottles our tears
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the
morning [Psalms 30:5]
They that sow in tears shall reap joy [Psalms 126:5]
The Lord God will wipe away tears from off all faces
[Isaiah 25:8]
Permission granted for re-production.
Re-publication prohibitied.

Tear production – Basal
Tears (Continuous)





Essential for eye health
Constant eye moisture
Clean and lubricate eyes
Prevents bacterial attack
and preserves sight
Eye Watering – Reflex
Tears


Protects our eyes from
irritants and foreign
bodies such as dust or
getting rid of the acidic
fumes when cutting
onions.
Like eye wash

Emotional / Stress Tears





Triggered by deep emotion
(sorrow, elation, awe and
pleasure)
Response to pain, loss,
sorrow
Pituitary gland releases
hormone ACTH and the
endorphin prolactin when
tears fall (this is not found in
Reflex tears)
Tears contain the endorphin
leucine-enkaphalin, a
calming substance that
regulates stress and pain
Neurotransmitters relieve
pain. Literal pain reliever.
Permission granted for re-production.
Re-publication prohibitied.
1
Science of Tears cont’d

Emotional or stress related tears









More on tears

Like a healthy tonic, tears physically flush negative chemicals out of
the body.
Psychologically they give feelings a good airing
Men shed fewer emotional tears because more of the toxins related to
emotional stress is released in their sweat and men sweat more than
women.
Sign of courage, strength and authenticity
Emotional freedom
Clears emotional sadness and stress
Essential to resolve grief when waves hit after a loss
Help us to process the loss so we can keep living with open hearts.
Tears help us connect
Emotion of Tears




Connected to the heart
Window to feelings
Makes us transparent
Welled up emotions
erupt, gently or violently

Healthy Crying




Crying when appropriate
Refreshing
Release valve
Some people say they
feel better after a good
cry
Permission granted for re-production.
Re-publication prohibitied.
Permission granted for re-production.
Re-publication prohibitied.
When Crying becomes Unhealthy
Things to Remember about Tears








Excessive crying
Can be misinterpreted
Uncontrollable crying, difficult to recover from
Crying interferes with daily functions and life
activities
In inappropriate settings at awkward times can draw
the wrong attention
Inability to experience joy
Could be a sign of a need for help






Permission granted for re-production.
Re-publication prohibitied.
Tears for Professionals
Conclusion
Do you allow them to flow?


Everyone is different; what provokes one to tears may
not provoke another to tears
Tears are private and intimate
Tears reveal what’s inside
Tears should not be manufactured
Tears are sacred, to be respected and protected
Tears flow naturally for some and for others it is
awkward and uncomfortable
Tears can come from out of no where
Permission granted for re-production.
Re-publication prohibitied.
As a care provider, how do you manage your
tears?




In front of our patients and families
In our private space


Debriefing with staff
Team memorial services
Permission granted for re-production.
Re-publication prohibitied.

End of life for patients, loved ones and
caregivers can trigger emotions.
As care providers, we should foster an
environment that allows all involved to be
comfortable with their feelings and free to
express themselves with tears if they need to.
Recognize and decipher appropriate tears and
tears that indicate a deeper issue beyond
normal grief.
Permission granted for re-production.
Re-publication prohibitied.
2
Q & A, Discuss Examples
Sources



Permission granted for re-production.
Re-publication prohibitied.
The Health Benefits of Crying by Natasha Mann,
Health Journalist
(www.netdoctor.co.uk.healthyliving/wellbeing/thehealth-benefits-of-crying.htm#ixzz2gj81Xu00)
Health Benefits of Tears Adapted from “Emotional
Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions
and Transform Your Life.” By Judith Orloff, MD.
(Three Rivers Press, 2011)
The Benefits of Tears by Mike Robbins.
www.huffingtonpost.com/mike-robbins
Permission granted for re-production.
Re-publication prohibitied.
3