BabyGym®, Bonding and the Attachment Theory
Sonja Basson and Cozette Laubser
In my BabyGym practice over the last 2 year, I have seen how
many new mothers struggle to bond with their babies. I see
this when there is no or very little eye contact between Mom
and Baby or when Mom is reluctant to massage Baby; some
mom’s find it very difficult to talk to their baby and other
moms stick to the checklist of feeding, burping, bathing, and
sleeping in a robotic manner with very little emotional
interaction. Life is rushed and due to the current economic
climate mom’s need to return to work even sooner. But if we
want to ensure happy families, we need to slow down,
breathe deeply and connect.
It is okay if bonding with your baby did not happen spontaneously for you, we can always play catch-up BabyGym will guide you, Mommy, and your baby, to fall in love.
“You need to spend time with your baby to get to know him and to learn to understand what he is saying. You need
to spend time making eye contact and discovering his little body while you bathe, dress, massage and feed him. You,
Mom, also need time to eat and to relax in order to ensure that your body and the milk you are producing stays healthy
and free of stress hormones. You need time to rock your baby and talk to him. You need time to put him down in a
safe and healthy environment free of smoke, noise and flickering lights so that he can rest while you take time to relax.
A mom is a baby’s place of safety. Babies bond with moms through her soothing voice, smell and touch” says Dr
Melodie de Jager, the Founder of BabyGym.
Dr de Jager continues to say “the most natural way to relax mom and baby is to unwrap baby and place him skin on
skin on mom’s chest. Mom’s warm chest is the safest place on earth. Mom’s smell, her body rhythm and her soothing
voice have an immediate calming effect on baby, allowing the stress hormones to dissolve.”
Late Edward John Mostyn Bowlby, was a British psychologist, psychiatrist, and psychoanalyst, notable for his interest
in child development and for his pioneering work in attachment theory. Bowlby refers to mother and child bonding as
attachments. In his book, A Secure Base, he defines attachment as a "lasting psychological connectedness between
human beings." Attachment is not just a connection between two people; it is a bond that involves a desire for regular
contact with that person. The earliest attachments we form are with parents and caregivers. These early attachments
with caregivers serve to keep an infant safe and secure, thus ensuring the child's survival.
In BabyGym we learn that people adapt or learn, because they need to survive. A newborn baby is helpless and relies
completely on the care of their mother and that is why BabyGym emphasizes touch contact, eye contact and constant
dialogue between mother and baby- these are all bonding tools that translates into survival tools.
Bowlby suggests that there are critical characteristics of attachment. We have the desire to be near those with
which we share an attachment because it creates a safe place. Next, attachment figures also offer a secure basis,
allowing a baby or toddler to feel confident and secure which gives them the freedom to explore the world while
knowing they can still return to the safety of their mommy, the attachment figure. Furthermore, the reason why babies
and children become upset when their parents leave them in the care of others is because they experience separation
anxiety.
©BabyGym Institute: JOHANNESBURG 2016
1
Dr Melodie de Jager and the BabyGym programme recognizes that the sense of smell is a strong emotional anchor and
can be used to combat separation anxiety. It can be used in a variety of ways to create a sense of emotional safety and
security- even in moms’ absence. For instance, if a baby needs to sleep out or spend some time in NICU, far from the
familiarity of moms touch and smell, mom can wrap baby in her used (slept in) night gown or shirt. When baby is
surrounded by mom’s natural smell, baby perceives mom to be in close proximity. A happy and content baby will feed
and sleep well, contributing to improved immunity and a shorter hospital stay.
According to Paul McLean’s Triune Brain Theory, the window of opportunity for emotional development is roughly
from 14 months to 3 years. Social development follows after emotional development at approximately 3-4 years of
age. From McLean’s theory one can derive that a child is dependent on an available and caring parent or primary
caregiver to attach and feel safe during the first 3 years of life. If a mommy and baby, and later a toddler, has bonded
(attached) well, that child will have a secure base from where confidence and social skills, like making friends, can
develop.
Why Is Attachment Important? Researchers including Ainsworth, Bowlby, Main and Solomon suggest that how a
child is attached to his or her parent can have a major influence both during childhood and later in life. In other words
the relationship between mother and baby writes the recipe for all future relationships. If mother, father and baby
bonded spontaneously and well the chances are very good that that baby will grow up to be an individual who seeks
interaction and makes friends. Our relational experiences in childhood provide a blueprint for our relationships
throughout life – parenting, friendship, adulthood and even marriage.
The failure to form a secure attachment with a parent has been linked to a number of problems. While forming a
secure attachment with parents is normal and expected, as Hazen and Shaver have noted, it doesn't always happen.
Researchers have found a number of different factors that contribute to the development (or lack thereof) of secure
attachment, particularly a mother's responsiveness to her infant's needs during the first year of a child's life. The
research found that mothers who respond inconsistently (or who constantly interfere with the child's activities) tend
to produce infants who explore less, cry more, and are more anxious. And mothers who consistently reject or ignore
their infant's needs tend to produce children who try to avoid contact altogether.
How can we encourage bonding between Mommy and Baby?
The BabyGym 1 programme educates pregnant parents on birth
choices and how the natural birth process will prepare the baby to
welcome touch after birth. When a baby’s skin is receptive to touch the
baby latches and breastfeeds spontaneously which also boosts
mother-baby interaction. A baby who had a difficult pregnancy and
birth and who was not exposed to deep pressure contractions during
the birth process might withdraw from touch and resist being cradled.
To some mothers this seems like instant rejection, but the good news
is that it can easily be overcome by daily deep pressure massage.
The BabyGym 2 programme shares with parents how the sense of smell can be used to facilitate the bonding process.
For 9 months the baby smelled mom in utero, and while the eyes and ears adjust to life outside the womb, baby
primarily relies on the sense of smell to locate his or her mommy. That is also why skin on skin contact and kangaroo
care is encouraged straight after birth.
©BabyGym Institute: JOHANNESBURG 2016
2
A study by Harry Harlow on rhesus monkeys confirms that massage, physical touch, and skin-on-skin contact is
pivotal in bonding and mother-baby comfort. Here follows a summary from his study:
A well-known experiment was conducted by Harlow and Zimmerman in 1959, which showed that developing a close
bond does not depend entirely on hunger satisfaction. They conducted an experiment with rhesus monkeys where
the babies were seperated from their natural mothers and reared by surrogates. There where two groups of
serrogates, terry cloth covered “mothers” and wire mesh “mothers”; but only the wire mesh “mothers” had a feeding
bottle attached to them. Even though the wire mesh “mothers” were able to take care of the hunger needs of the
babies’, the babys’ still preferred the cloth wire “mothers” for the softeness and comfort they provided.
Personal feedback: “I am a BabyGym Instructor and also the mother of two boys. I did BabyGym with my second son from right
after birth. I implemented the BabyGym principles and massaged him, I held him skin-to-skin, I talked to him and I made eye contact
with him as often as possible. Initially he couldn’t be without me, he constantly wanted to be in my arms but as we persisted with
the BabyGym massage and exercises I started to see a shift and by week 10 he was happy to sleep on his own. Today, at 7 months,
my son is such a happy baby. In my opinion my son required more physical touch and closeness (than what I expected) to feel safe
and secure and once that was accomplished he was happy to allow a bit more distance between us. Learning from my own
experience I know the importance of allowing time and opportunity to bond with your baby. As parents we all want to raise selfassured and independent individuals but before they can detach to become independent, they first need to attach.” Sonja Basson
I tried to teach my child with books,
he gave me only puzzled looks
I used clear words to discipline,
but I never seemed to win
Despairingly, I turned aside “How shall I reach this child?” I cried
Into my hand he put the key: “Come,” he said, “Play with me.”
Adapted by Aletha Solter
De Jager, M. 2009. BabyGym Brain and Body Gym for Babies. Welgemoed: Metz Press.
De Jager, M. 2011. Brain development MILESTONES & learning. Johannesburg: Mind Moves Institute.
John Bowlby, 1988, A Secure Base.
De Jager, M. 2011. BabyGym1 Instructors’ Manual. Johannesburg: BabyGym Institute.
Harlow, HF & Zimmermann, RR, 1958. The development of affective responsiveness in infant monkeys.
©BabyGym Institute: JOHANNESBURG 2016
3