Copyright © 2015 by Robert W Kendall and Meredith A Kendall
All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or
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Published in Thompson Station, TN by 180 Publishing
ISBN: 978-0-9881952-2-6
Week 6
So for your homework you worked through the scripture 1 Corinthians 13:4-6 (ESV)
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist
on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful: it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices
with the truth.
Now we were going to re-read this and I want you to put the person’s name who you are in
relationship with in these blanks.
____________________is patient and kind;
____________________does not envy or boast;
____________________is not arrogant
____________________ rude
_____________________does not insist on their own way;
_____________________is not irritable
_____________________resentful
_____________________ does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
If you cannot place the person’s name in those blanks AND it be true. You may need to rethink
this relationship.
The reason we started with this scripture is because we are going to look at PTSD, attachment
disorder and abandonment. PTSD stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I suffer from PTSD
and have never been in the armed forces or in a war. I was attacked back in 2011 by a gang
member. This led to my not wanting to leave my house let alone continue in ministry. I am very
grateful for counselors and therapists who worked with not only myself but also teaching my
husband how to help me. I do get triggered, not as frequently as before, but I do find I have to
make a daily decision as to whether I am going to let my PTSD control me or am I going to
control it. I also had to start realizing that there are some things I just can no longer do and not
let shame and guilt destroy the new relationship I have with myself and therefore destroy other
relationships. Now that you have the background as to where I am coming from, I want to share
why it was important to understand this scripture if you are loving someone through PTSD.
Sometimes we may be perfectly fine going somewhere.
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Then the next time we visit that place something may have changed and now the person
suffering with PTSD is not ok. They start to have a panic attack or have unexplained anxiety. If
you are not in a good place with yourself you are definitely not going to be in a good place to
have a relationship with someone who has been diagnosed with PTSD because it can actually
lead to a co-dependent relationship. Remember in a co-dependent relationship you are
continually unfulfilled because you are always looking for and taking care of everyone else.
Your excuses may be “but they need me”, “what will happen if I am not there”? You are always
worrying about everyone else and their feelings that you allow yourself to be taken advantage of;
stay in abusive relationships, all the while being miserable and unhappy.
Before we move on from PTSD, I’ll share a simple example. When you have PTSD, you want
familiar and the same if something changes and you are not prepared for it; you can end up with
anxiety, or a panic attack.
The grocery store. I shop all the time at the same grocery store. They were doing a very simple
remodel, so to anyone else it may just be an annoyance, but to me it created a complete
meltdown.
On the same lines of the grocery store; we travel for work a lot. My husband just knows that he
does NOT send me to the grocery store by myself and then when we enter he does not lag behind
or go ahead. This is what a committed relationship is about. You care for the one you are
committed to. You don’t just abandon ship when things have to change. You learn to walk with
that person who has PTSD and help them live a very healthy life.
Let’s talk now about attachment disorder. Attachment disorder is a broad term intended to
describe disorders of mood, behavior, and social relationships arising from a failure to form
normal attachments to primary care giving figures in early childhood. Such a failure would
result from unusual early experiences of neglect, abuse, abrupt separation from caregivers
between 6 months and three years of age, frequent change or excessive numbers of caregivers,
or lack of caregiver responsiveness to child communicative efforts resulting in a lack of
basic trust. i
So what does this have to do with relationships today? A person who was this child and did not
get a healthy dose of unconditional love will grow into an adult that has insecurities and won’t
have the skills needed for building meaningful relationships.
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Being abandoned. Children who are abandoned by their parents, caregivers or become wards of
the state, do not learn how to have a healthy relationship. They do learn real fast how to
manipulate to be loved. They learn to only trust themselves. They also learn that nothing is
permanent, especially in relationships.
So that brings us to love and the feeling of being in love and why most people when they don’t
feel they are in love anymore, walk away. Just to say the words “I love you” mean absolutely
nothing. It is the action that accompanies those words.
The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.
~Mother Teresa ii
Our world today uses the words “I love you”, very flippantly. We are wanting to be accepted, to
be loved, so badly, that we use words to express ourselves. The issue with the world is that once
the words “I love you” are used; the next step is to show it. Unfortunately, we don’t show it
through acts of service, gifts, words of affirmation, or quality time, we go straight to the physical
touch. Over the years, we have started equating the words “I love you” to being in a physical
relationship. We can thank TV, Movies, Books, Magazines and the breakdown of the family
unit.
Why did I put the breakdown of the family unit? When you are growing up you are watching
everything that is happening, good and bad. Did your mom and dad argue? Were your parents
abusive to each other? Did things get tossed about during augments? What you see as a
“relationship” growing up is what you will emulate.
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A side note for girls if they grow up with an absent father. Girls need their daddy’s. If that
healthy relationship is not there, statistically you will find yourself in relationships that are not
healthy, as you are trying to fill that void left by the absent father or father figure.
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With so many people meeting in so many ways today, how do we know who the person is we are
about to get into a relationship with? And if our relationships have not been healthy at first how
do we create a healthy relationship?
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First we will start with who are you? Give me some adjectives that describe who you are?
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What do you want out of a relationship?
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What do you look for in a person when wanting to start a relationship?
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Why do we not remember what we want, what is important to us, when the red flags are there?
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The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.
~Mother Teresa iii
This week’s scriptures are located here on this page. Use the following pages to write, re-write
and ask God to talk to you about love.
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Day 1 Joyful are people of integrity, who follow the instructions of the Lord. Joyful are those who
obey his laws and search for him with all their hearts. They do not compromise with evil, and they
walk only in his paths. You have charged us to keep your commandments carefully. Oh, that my
actions would consistently reflect your decrees! Then I will not be ashamed when I compare my life
with your commands.
Psalms 119:1-6 (NLT)
Day 2 As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in
him. For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me
with strength and keeps my way secure. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he causes me to
stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You make
your saving help my shield, and your right hand sustains me; your help has made me great. You
provide a broad path for my feet, so that my ankles do not give way.
Psalms 18:30-36 (NIV)
Day 3 If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall. The temptations in your life are no
different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be
more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.
So, my dear friends, flee from the worship of idols. 1 Corinthians 10:12-14 (NLT)
Day 4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all.
The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition,
with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all
understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters,
whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever
is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have
learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will
be with you.
Philippians 4:4-9 (NIV)
Day 5 For those who live according to the flesh think about the things of the flesh, but those who live
according to the Spirit, about the things of the Spirit. For the mind-set of the flesh is death, but the
mind-set of the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind-set of the flesh is hostile to God because it does
not submit itself to God’s law, for it is unable to do so. Those who are in the flesh cannot please
God. You, however, are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, since the Spirit of God lives in you. But if
anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him. Now if Christ is in you, the
body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of Him
who raised Jesus from the dead lives in you, then He who raised Christ from the dead will also bring
your mortal bodies to life through His Spirit who lives in you. Romans 8:5-11(HCSB)
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Write the scripture reference
• Write out the scripture on the right side
•
Re-write the scripture in your own words on the left side
Then answer these questions:
•
What does this scripture say to me?
•
How can you apply it to my life?
Date:
Scripture:
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Write the scripture reference
• Write out the scripture on the right side
•
Re-write the scripture in your own words on the left side
Then answer these questions:
•
What does this scripture say to me?
•
How can you apply it to my life?
Date:
Scripture:
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Write the scripture reference
• Write out the scripture on the right side
•
Re-write the scripture in your own words on the left side
Then answer these questions:
•
What does this scripture say to me?
•
How can you apply it to my life?
Date:
Scripture:
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Page 9 of 12
Write the scripture reference
• Write out the scripture on the right side
•
Re-write the scripture in your own words on the left side
Then answer these questions:
•
What does this scripture say to me?
•
How can you apply it to my life?
Date:
Scripture:
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Write the scripture reference
• Write out the scripture on the right side
•
Re-write the scripture in your own words on the left side
Then answer these questions:
•
What does this scripture say to me?
•
How can you apply it to my life?
Date:
Scripture:
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i
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_disorder
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/mothertere106501.html
iii
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/mothertere106501.html
ii
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