#1
Intro, T
Concl
Early Curfew
Recently, your community officials have proposed that young people under the
age of 15 cannot be out after 8:00 p.m. unless they are with an adult. Take a
position on this proposal. Write a multiple-paragraph letter to the officials
persuading them to support your position.
I do not agree with the 8:00 pm curfue. I do not agree with the 8:00
pm curfue because what if you are going home from a freinds house or what
if you need to get the mail.
and that is why I don’t agree with the 8:00 pm curfue.
This response demonstrates an insufficient ability to persuade a reader. A simple position statement
(I do not agree with the 8:00 pm curfue) is followed by two possible arguments (...what if you are
going home from a freinds house or what if you need to get the mail) with no elaboration. A weak
closing merely repeats the position (and that is why I don’t agree with the 8:00 pm curfue). The
paragraph is more of a reaction than an argument, focusing more on the writer’s feelings than on the
audience’s understanding or position on the issue. Sentences are simple and repetitive (I do not
agree...I do not agree...), without variety in structure; word choice is extremely limited. This minimal
response shows little sense of wholeness or completeness. The best-fit Content, Organization, and
Style score for this piece of writing is a 1.
COS 1
Pasco School District Mid-Year Common Writing Assessment
Grade 7 Scoring Papers, Page 1 of 22
#2
Early Curfew
Recently, your community officials have proposed that young people under the
age of 15 cannot be out after 8:00 p.m. unless they are with an adult. Take a
position on this proposal. Write a multiple-paragraph letter to the officials
persuading them to support your position.
Intro
Dear Community Officials,
I oppose that young people under 15 cannot be out after 8:00 p.m.
unless we are with a adult. I am now 13 so I oppose big time.
T
T
I want to go out past 8:00 p.m. to play with my friends and play hoops. I just
like to see the moon and the stars.
Concl
So that is why I oppose on the early curfew.
This response demonstrates an insufficient ability to persuade a reader. The opening states a position
(I oppose that young people under 15 cannot be out after 8:00 p.m. unless we are with a adult) and
makes a minimal attempt to give a sense of the writer (I am now 13 so I oppose big time). The
response then provides two arguments that express the desires of the writer, with no further
attempt at development of ideas (I want to go out past 8:00 pm to play with my friends and play
hoops. I just like to see the moon and the stars). While it is conceivable that the second statement
might possibly be an attempt to develop the first statement, such a connection is a stretch and would
have to be inserted by the reader. The writer offers no explanation or elaboration to support the
reasons, and no attention to what might be persuasive to an audience. A minimal and weak closing
merely reiterates the position (So that is why I oppose on the early curfew). Sentences are simple in
structure. Choice of words is simple, yet a few words offer a fleeting glimpse of the person (play
hoops...big time). Overall, this minimal response exhibits little evidence of an organizational plan,
includes no transitions beyond so in the closing, and leaves the reader with little sense of wholeness or
completeness. The best-fit Content, Organization, and Style score for this piece of writing is a 1.
COS 1
Pasco School District Mid-Year Common Writing Assessment
Grade 7 Scoring Papers, Page 2 of 22
#3
Intro
T,D
D,E,T
Early Curfew
Recently, your community officials have proposed that young people under the
age of 15 cannot be out after 8:00 p.m. unless they are with an adult. Take a
position on this proposal. Write a multiple-paragraph letter to the officials
persuading them to support your position.
I think that people under the age of 15 should be able to stay out past 8:00
p.m. Some people eat dinner at 9:00 p.m. so why not let us play untell then?
Or I play basketball at night. How ever would I get to play? With more time
for me and everyone else to play we would be getting exercise.
This response demonstrates an insufficient ability to persuade a reader. The response provides a
basic position statement (I think that people under the age of 15 should be able to stay out past 8:00
p.m.) followed by a series of rhetorical questions, each representing an argument for the position. The
first argument suggests an extension of time with a brief reason (Some people eat dinner at 9:00 p.m.
so why not let us play untell then?). The second argument, prefaced by a simple and ineffective
transition, contains a rhetorical question (Or I play basketball at night. How ever would I get to play?)
This argument is followed by an additional statement of support, perhaps showing a hint of audience
awareness (With more time for me and everyone else to play we would be getting more exercise), in
that community officials likely care about young people getting exercise. Owing to the brevity of the
writing, there is little opportunity to demonstrate sentence variety; word choice is extremely limited.
The response also fails to provide a conclusion, leaving the reader with no sense of wholeness or
completeness. The best-fit Content, Organization, and Style score for this piece of writing is a 1.
COS 1
(high 1)
Pasco School District Mid-Year Common Writing Assessment
Grade 7 Scoring Papers, Page 3 of 22
#4
Intro
T/D
E,E
T
D
Concl
Early Curfew
Recently, your community officials have proposed that young people under the
age of 15 cannot be out after 8:00 p.m. unless they are with an adult. Take a
position on this proposal. Write a multiple-paragraph letter to the officials
persuading them to support your position.
Dear, City Official’s
I believe that an 8:00pm cerfew is way to much for children under 15 years
of age. Children under the age of 15 should be able to stay out past 8:00pm.
Because, if parents let their child out past that time they must believe that
their child is responsible enough, it should be all up to the parent. What if
movie theater sales go down because, they have less children goin to see
movies with their friends, that goes for other businesses. I just think this
will cause kids to rebel, because they are going to be kept on such a tight
leash. Thank you, I hope you will concider what I’ve said
Sincerely,
This response demonstrates a weak ability to persuade a reader. The opening is minimal, offering a
position statement (I believe that an 8:00 pm cerfew is way to much for children under 15 years of
age) before immediately moving to the first argument (Because, if parents let their child out past
that time they must believe that their child is responsible enough), which is followed by minimal
elaboration (...it should be all up to the parent). The next argument uses the persuasive technique of a
hypothetical question about unintended consequences (What if movie theater sales go down), and
elaborates using a list of two additional statements (...because, they have less children goin to see
movies with their friends, that goes for other businesses). A third argument, perhaps designed to
scare the audience, (I just think this will cause kids to rebel) is accompanied by only one weak
supporting statement (...because they are going to be kept on such a tight leash). The arguments show
some sense of audience and, therefore, the writer, in that they focus on the interests of the
community officials and parents, rather than on the desires of the young people. Word choice is
limited with an occasional specific word or phrase (way to much; rebel; tight leash); sentence variety is
limited by the brevity of the response. A minimal closing (Thank you, I hope you will concider what I’ve
said), and the limited organizational plan make this piece of writing seem like a draft, lacking a sense
of wholeness or completeness. The best-fit Content, Organization, and Style score for this piece of
writing is a 2.
COS 2
Pasco School District Mid-Year Common Writing Assessment
(low 2)
Grade 7 Scoring Papers, Page 4 of 22
#5
Intro
T,D
E,E
T,D
E,E
T,D
E
Concl
Early Curfew
Recently, your community officials have proposed that young people under the
age of 15 cannot be out after 8:00 p.m. unless they are with an adult. Take a
position on this proposal. Write a multiple-paragraph letter to the officials
persuading them to support your position.
Dear community officials, I think it is a good idea to make an 8:00 p.m.
curfew for people under the age of 15. I think it is good for 3 good reasons.
I will share them in 3 paragraphs.
First, you could get hurt. Nobody can see you when they are driving.
And you could get hit. That is one reason why an 8:00 p.m. curfew is a good
idea.
Second of all, people can get in alot of trouble. On late weekend nights
people get crazy! Young teenagers get into drugs and alchohal. That is
another reason why it is a great idea.
Finally, kids and teenagers can get kidnapped. Even adults get taken,
so nothing will stop them from takin an 11 year-old girl. That is why it is a
wonderful suggestion.
I hope you consider making it final.
Sincerely,
This response demonstrates a weak ability to persuade a reader. Following a basic position statement
(I think it is a good idea to make an 8:00 p.m. curfew for people under the age of 15), the opening is
minimal and formulaic, using very limited vocabulary and simple, repetitive sentence structures (I
think it is good for 3 good reasons. I will share them in 3 paragraphs). Transitions at the beginning of
each body paragraph are also very simple and formulaic (First; Second of all; Finally). For each of the
three reasons, the writer states the argument, supports this with a list, and then moves immediately
to the next argument without further fleshing out or elaboration. The first argument (...you could get
hurt), followed by two general and redundant statements (Nobody can see you when they are driving.
And you could get hit). The second argument (...people can get in alot of trouble), is followed by two
somewhat connected statements (On late weekend nights people get crazy! Young teenagers get into
drugs and alchohal). The writer closes the paragraph with a formulaic summary statement (That is
another reason why it is a great idea) and moves on to the third argument (...kids and teenagers can
get kidnapped), followed by the scary warning, (Even adults get taken, so nothing will stop them from
takin an 11 year-old girl). From the choice of examples, the writer demonstrates an awareness of adult
concerns: car accidents, underage drinking, predators, and kidnappers. Also, the final statement of
this paragraph serves to conclude the paragraph (That is why it is a wonderful suggestion), though not
effectively. The minimal closing does not conclude, or draw ideas together, (I hope you consider
making it final), but does call for action. Vocabulary is extremely limited and predictable, and
sentences tend to be a series of short and choppy; together with the overt formula pattern, these
elements significantly detract from any sense of the person behind the words. However, this overt
pattern does hold this novice writing together, giving it a sense of having a plan and some wholeness.
The best-fit Content, Organization, and Style score for this piece of writing is a 2.
COS 2
Pasco School District Mid-Year Common Writing Assessment
Grade 7 Scoring Papers, Page 5 of 22
#6
Intro
T
D/E
D/E
T/D
E
E
T
D
E
Concl
Early Curfew
Recently, your community officials have proposed that young people under the
age of 15 cannot be out after 8:00 p.m. unless they are with an adult. Take a
position on this proposal. Write a multiple-paragraph letter to the officials
persuading them to support your position.
Dear Community Officials,
I have just been informed that you are thinking about making an early curfew
and have decided that I should take a stand. My position is that I think we should
not have an early curfew.
My first argument is that there isn’t really any reason for us to have an early
curfew, because we haven’t really had a problem with kids after eight o’clock yet, so
what’s the point? And when you say that we should have an early curfew, then you
are pretty much saying that you do not trust the kids of our community.
Second of all, there are a lot of activities that end at eight or nine o’clock, and
some kids might need to walk home. Because most parents won’t want to either
drive a short distance just because of an early curfew. And much less walk there
for it.
And another major reason there shouldn’t be an early curfew is that some
stores such as Wal-Mart are open 24/7, and it is very convenient to shop there are
in the evening. And some parents might live right next to one and want one of their
kids to go pick up a few things.
And this concludes my letter. I hope that you will read this thoroughly and
really consider not making an early curfew for the community’s sake.
This response demonstrates a weak ability to persuade a reader. The introduction uses a tone appropriate to the audience
and purpose of the letter (I have just been informed that you are thinking about making an early curfew and have decided
that I should take a stand. My position is that I think we should not have an early curfew) and does take a position. Each of
the following paragraphs begins with a formulaic and simple transition (My first argument; Second of all; and another major
reason; And this concludes my letter), serving as a superficial organizational pattern. The ideas, however, do not seem to be
ordered according to a thoughtful purpose or plan. The first argument suggests the curfew is unnecessary because there is
no problem (...we haven’t really had a problem with kids after eight o’clock yet, so what’s the point?), but remains at a very
general level, without presenting any evidence or elaboration for the claim. The next statement is an emotional taunt
directed at the audience, seemingly disconnected from the other idea in the paragraph (And when you say that we should
have an early curfew, then you are pretty much saying that you do not trust kids of our community). The second argument
focuses on activities happening after the proposed curfew time (...there are a lot of activities that end at eight or nine
o’clock and some kids might need to walk home), followed by one, somewhat confusing, reason (Because most parents won’t
want to either drive a short distance just because of an early curfew, And much less walk there for it). The third argument
(...some stores such as Wal-Mart are open 24/7, and it is very convenient to shop there are in the evening) provides a bit
more specificity (Wal-Mart; 24/7), but the listed development is very general and stops before layering or fleshing out the
thought (And some parents might live right next to one and want one of their kids to go pick up a few things). The conclusion
addresses the audience, with some sense of calling for action (I hope that you will read this thoroughly and really consider
not making an early curfew for the community’s sake) but does not attempt to draw ideas together from the rest of the
writing. Word choice stays at a general level with a few specific words (Wal-Mart, 24/7); sentences which could be
combined, are strung together with and as a transitions (shop there in the evening. And some parents...). Owing to the brief
elaboration and limited word choice, the reader does not gain a sense of the person behind the words and the writing does
not seem complete. The best-fit Content, Organization, and Style score for this piece of writing is a 2.
COS 2
Pasco School District Mid-Year Common Writing Assessment
Grade 7 Scoring Papers, Page 6 of 22
#7
Intro
T/D
T
D
E
E
T/D
E
Concl
Early Curfew
Recently, your community officials have proposed that young people under the
age of 15 cannot be out after 8:00 p.m. unless they are with an adult. Take a
position on this proposal. Write a multiple-paragraph letter to the officials
persuading them to support your position.
Dear Community Officials,
I think your proposal is a bad idea. The reasons for that are its not
fair for us younger kids that want to play and us kids also have rights, plus
some people have after school activities that end around 8:30 pm, another
reason is that sometimes students planned on staying at a friend’s house
over the weekend but decide to go home at around 9:00pm.
The reason its not fair is that us younger kids also have rights to stay
out late because its the older teenagers that do all the vandalism not us
younger kids.
Another explanation is that some kids have after school activities
that end around 8:30 pm For example if you have a soccer practice that
ends around 8:00 pm and you disobey the coach he’ll make the whole team
run laps around the field, thus making the walkers late getting home.
Another great reason is that sometimes students planned on staying
at their friends house over the weekend but decide to go home at 9:00 pm
because they get in a fight with a friend/s and need to cool off.
Therefore, us kids should not have a curfew, Thanks for reading my
letter and I hope you enjoyed and think about my proposal against your
proposal.
Sincerely
P.S. Please about it. Pleeaase
This response demonstrates a weak ability to persuade a reader. Following a general position statement (I think your proposal is a
bad idea), the introduction presents a formulaic and sometimes awkward list of arguments (The reasons for that are its not fair
for us younger kids that want to play and us kids also have rights, plus some people have after school activities that end around
8:30 pm, another reason is that sometimes students planned on staying at a friend’s house over the weekend but decide to go
home at around 9:00 pm). The reasons seem to be chosen somewhat randomly and are unequal in scope, varying from natural rights
to a hypothetical overnight. The first argument (...us younger kids also have rights to stay out late...) offers a thin, tangentially
related support (because it’s the older teenagers that do all the vandalism not us younger kids) and has no further explanation or
elaboration. The second argument, repeated from the introduction, (...some kids have after school activities that end around 8:30)
is followed by an example (For example if you have a soccer practice that ends around 8:00 pm and you disobey the coach he’ll
make the whole team run laps around the field) and a brief extension to this statement (thus making the walkers late getting
home). Elaboration on the third argument (...sometimes students planned on staying at their friends house over the weekend but
decide to go home at 9:00 pm) is in the form of a hypothetical example (...because the get in a fight with a friend/s and need to
cool off) without further explanation or anecdote to add veracity to the example. The closing does not draw together the ideas,
but does include a weak, awkward call for action (Thanks for reading my letter and I hope you enjoyed and think about my proposal
against your proposal), with the post script plea (P.S. Please think about it. Pleeaase). The writer employs a number of transitions
(because...For example...thus...) to help the reader move through the writing. Choice of vocabulary is predictable and does not help
to create a sense of the writer; sentences have some variation, but are generally long, strung together clauses. The randomly
chosen arguments with sparse elaboration give the paper a “draft” feel and detract from a sense of wholeness and completeness.
The best-fit Content, Organization, and Style score for this piece of writing is a 2.
COS 2
Pasco School District Mid-Year Common Writing Assessment
Grade 7 Scoring Papers, Page 7 of 22
#8
Intro
T
D
E
E
T
D
E,E
T
D
E
Concl
Early Curfew
Recently, your community officials have proposed that young people under the
age of 15 cannot be out after 8:00 p.m. unless they are with an adult. Take a
position on this proposal. Write a multiple-paragraph letter to the officials
persuading them to support your position.
Dear Officials,
There are many reasons why this proposal about having a curfew at
8:00p.m if you are under 15 is good. One reason in particular is if because
people under 15 we’re in before 8:00 pm there would be a less vandalism.
Also with a curfew at 8:00 pm there would be less kidnappings. With this
curfew kids would do better academicly.
first, This curfew is a wonderful purposal because with children under
the age of 15 indoors before 8:00 p.m. it would not give them much time to
vandalize because it would be in daylight It would be difficult to vandalize in
day light because the police can see you easier rather than in the dark
Second, The curfew is a great idea because with the kids in before
8:00pm there would be less of a chance they would be kidnapped because
they would not be out late. Although if they were out late past 8:00pm they
would need an adult present with them.
Lastly, I believe this curfew is an excellent purposal because kids
would do better academicly because they wouldn’t be out so late. Which
would result them getting more sleep and not being tierd at school and
falling asleep in class.
In conclusion, This is why I think that kids under 15 must be indoors
before 8:00pm unless and adult is present with them.
This response demonstrates a weak ability to persuade a reader. The introduction is formulaic, yet does take a position
(There are many reasons why this proposal about having a curfew at 8:00 p.m. if you are under 15 is good), and then lists the
arguments (One reason in particular is...because...there would be...less vandalism. Also...there would be less kidnappings. With
this curfew kids would do better academicly) in a fill-in-the-three-blanks format. Each reason has its own paragraph
beginning with an introductory word (First,...Second,...Lastly,...). The first argument (...it would not give them much time to
vandalize) provides a brief clarification (...because it would be in daylight), and then offers one generalization as further
support (It would be difficult to vandalize in the day light because the police can see you easier rather than in the dark).
The next argument (...there would be less chance they would be kidnapped), is developed with a brief extension (...because
they would not be out late), then a confusing attempt to show the connection to the pro-curfew stand (Although if they
were out late past 8:000pm they would need an adult present with them). The third argument (...kids would do better
academicly) is supported with a series of cause-effect statements (...they wouldn’t be out so late. Which would result them
getting more sleep and not being tierd at school and falling asleep in class) verging on layered elaboration. The conclusion
again begins with a formulaic transition, and reiterates the position stated at the start. Despite the occasional instance of
appropriate word choice (vandalism; excellent purposal; academicly), language in this response is generally limited and
predictable; sentences show some variety in length and structure, however, most begin with the subject. Because the
formula is driving the ideas in this piece, the arguments or supporting reasons do not flow logically from one to the next.
The writer present young people as vandals, kidnap victims, then as good students. The response does not seem coherent or
whole. The best-fit Content, Organization, and Style score for this piece of writing is a 2.
COS 2
(high 2)
Pasco School District Mid-Year Common Writing Assessment
Grade 7 Scoring Papers, Page 8 of 22
Early Curfew
#9
Intro
T,D
E
E
T
D,E,E
E
Concl
Recently, your community officials have proposed that young people under the
age of 15 cannot be out after 8:00 p.m. unless they are with an adult. Take a
position on this proposal. Write a multiple-paragraph letter to the officials
persuading them to support your position.
Dear community officials:
Fantastic job! Well done! I completely agree. Now my friends mom
won’t have to spend so much time scrubbing off graffiti. Thank you for
making a curfew for kids under the age of fifteen. I think this curfew will
be “good” for our community because most teens break laws after dark, and
the time after the cerfew provides a time for homework.
Usually when someone robs a store it’s at night. Right! Teens usually
violate laws after dark because it’s easier to run away if the cops can’t see
them. I’m not saying this curfew helps stop young teens from violating laws
at night, but it also helps protect children under fifteen years old.
People say that kids don’t do their homework because they’re lazy.
Well that’s not true. It’s because we’d rather go outside. But when the law
prevents us from “going” outside, what do we do? Well, I would do my
homework.
In conclusion, I agree with the idea of a curfew because it protects
our children from what happens after dark, and it provides time for
homework. I hop ther aren’t too may lazy kids in Camas. So hurry up and
make that curfuw legal
This response demonstrates a sufficient ability to persuade a reader. The response draws the audience into the
writing by situating the reader in the middle of a lively discussion (Fantastic job! Well done! I completely agree. Now
my friends mom won’t have to spend so much time scrubbing off graffiti. Thank you for making a curfew...). Following
the opening, the voice of the speaker weakens with a somewhat stiff, yet clear position statement with two reasons (I
think this curfew will be “good” for our community because most teens break laws after dark, and the time after the
cerfew provides a time for homework). The writer begins the first argument with a generalization about teen
lawbreakers (Usually when someone robs a store it’s at night. Right! Teens usually violate laws after dark...) and offers
a reason (because it’s easier to run away if the cops can’t see them) as supporting evidence. The final sentence of this
paragraph suggests an additional benefit from ridding the streets of teen lawbreakers (I’m not only saying this curfew
helps stop young teens from violating laws at night, but it also helps protect children under fifteen years old) or could
serve as a vague transition to the next idea. In the second argument (the cerfew provides a time for homework), the
writer again draws the reader in by clearing up a misconception (People say that kids don’t do their homework because
they’re lazy. Well that’s not true. It’s because we’d rather go outside). This argument continues to develop with a
question and answer, in an if-then format (But when the law prevents us from “going” outside, what do we do? Well, I
would do my homework), serving as added elaboration. The conclusion lists the arguments addressed in the response
and has a call for action (I hop ther aren’t too may lazy kids in Camas. So hurry up and make that curfuw legal). This
writer consistently demonstrates an awareness of audience through the choice of arguments, specific vocabulary
(Fantastic job, graffiti, cops) and sentences that speak directly to the reader. Transitions are natural, not forced (not
only...but it also...); one idea generally leads to the next. There is a clear sense of the person behind the words and the
response feels complete and whole. The best-fit Content, Organization, and Style score for this piece of writing is a 3.
COS 3
(low 3)
Pasco School District Mid-Year Common Writing Assessment
Grade 7 Scoring Papers, Page 9 of 22
Early Curfew
# 10
Intro
T,D
E
E
T
D,E
E
E
T/D
E
E
Concl
Recently, your community officials have proposed that young people under the
age of 15 cannot be out after 8:00 p.m. unless they are with an adult. Take a
position on this proposal. Write a multiple-paragraph letter to the officials
persuading them to support your position.
Dear Officials,
Kids get out of hand late at night, So I agrea with your dision for an 8:00 P.M.
cerfew. One reson is ther will be no more out of control partys, another reson is
ther will be less injurys or deaths at overly wild partys.
When kids are unsupervised they can throw huge partys. Quite a bit of the time
the partys get out of hand and the kids become loud. Eventualy people start calling
police. When the party is too loud somtimes its because the kids are drunk and are
not controling ther voices well. Sometimes the police do find drugs and liquor.
When drugs and liqure are found kids are sick, unconshis, or dead. Kids go to
rehab focilitys, and hospitle bills go up. The longer and later the party the more
chance of death and ingury.
Now with a curfew ther will be less chance of kids doing dumb things.
Some kids could argue that curfews are not saving any one, there just making it
harder for kids to get together outside of school. Curfews do protect you, they
can protect you from child prediturs who hang around at night. If a kid wants to
hang out with another kid he or she can arange asleep over or can go out but be
home at 8:00 P.M.
All in all, curfews are helpful. Ther will be fewer deaths and fewer out of
control partys. A curfew is a helpful thing.
This response demonstrates a sufficient ability to persuade a reader. The writer begins this response with a statement of
position (Kids get out of hand late at night, so I agrea with your dision...) then presents a formulaic list of two arguments
(One reson is ther will be no more out of control partys, another reson is ther will be less injurys or deaths at overly wild
partys). The next two paragraphs go together, serving to sequence the two arguments, in an if-then setup, first describing
the parties, then the longer term effects or outcomes. The writer uses multiple layers of elaboration to show the
hypothetical sequence of events (When kids are unsupervised they can throw huge partys. Quite a bit of the time the partys
get out of hand...Eventualy people start calling police. When the party is too loud somtimes its because the kids are
drunk...Sometimes the police do find drugs or liquor. When drugs and liqure are found kids are sick, unconshis, or dead. Kids
go to rehab focilitys, and hospitle bills go up). The final statements of this paragraph serve to wrap up the idea persuasively
(The longer and later the party the more chance of death and ingury), though effectiveness is somewhat weakened by weak
word choice (Now with a curfew ther will be less chance of kids doing dumb things). The next paragraph begins by addressing
a potential objection to the writer’s positions (Some kids could argue that curfews are not saving any one, there just making
it harder for kids to get together outside of school. Curfews do protect you, they can protect you from child prediturs who
hang around at night) and ends with another persuasive technique, problem solving (If a kid wants to hang out with another
kid he or she can arange asleep over or can go out but be home at 8:00 P.M.). Elaboration in this section is less welldeveloped, but maintains focus on the dangers encountered at night. The weak closing is formulaic, repeating the ideas from
the opening. Sentences are varied, using natural transitions (Eventualy...When the party is...Sometimes...) to draw the reader
fluidly through the writing. Word choice is generally specific and appropriate for the audience and purpose (unsupervised;
not contoling ther voices; sick, unconshis, or dead; rehab focilitys). Speaking to the reader almost conversationally, laying out
believable scenarios, and choosing specific vocabulary gives a sense of the person behind the words. The writing, by and
large, seems planned and feels whole and complete. The best-fit Content, Organization, and Style score for this piece of
writing is a 3.
COS 3
Pasco School District Mid-Year Common Writing Assessment
Grade 7 Scoring Papers, Page 10 of 22
# 11
Intro
T,D,E
E
D
E
E
T
D
E
E
E
E
Concl
Early Curfew
Recently, your community officials have proposed that young people under the
age of 15 cannot be out after 8:00 p.m. unless they are with an adult. Take a
position on this proposal. Write a multiple-paragraph letter to the officials
persuading them to support your position.
Dear City Officials,
This is K----- P---- and I disagree with the law you are trying to pass.
It is really unfair. Most kids don’t even go to bed until after 8:00. But the
worst part is that if you pass this law we wouldn’t be able to do anything on
our only days off. So please don’t pass this law, it is totally not fair.
Most kids don’t even go to bed at 8:00, they go to bed later. Satistics
show that 70% of kids in America go to bed after 8:00, and the other 30%
who go to bed at 8:00 are from newborn to 6 years old. So only the little
kids have to go to bed early and 7-15 year olds are not babies. But also I
myself don’t go bed directly 8:00. I usely go to bed between 9:30-10:00 pm.
So we shouldn’t have to go to bed so early.
Are you still not convinced that we should be able to be out later than
8:00, without a parent. Well according to Alyssa Karnes, CBA (Children
Behavior Analyse), say “Kids need some fun in their lives or it can lead them
to doing bad at school.” That was based on a study she had been doing for
four years and on 20 different students. The study was that half the
students had fun on weekends and went to bed at 9:00 to 9:30, they did
really well in school. But the other half kids did have any fun and went to be
around 7:30 to 8:00, and they didn’t do well in school. Not only that but 9
out of 10 students at TRIMS say they stay-up later on weekends than
weekday, and they have more fun.
So please don’t pass this really really unfair law. Because basicall by
telling us you don’t want us out late is telling us we should go to bed early.
Most kids go to be or want to stay out later than 8:00. With only weekends
to have fun we wouldn’t get to do anything if this law passes.
Sincerly,
This response demonstrates a sufficient ability to persuade a reader. After taking a position (I disagree with the
law you are trying to pass), the response provides a list of arguments connected by internal transitions to make them
less formulaic (Most kids don’t even go to bed until after 8:00. But the worst part is that if you pass this law we
wouldn’t be able to do anything on our only days off). Elaboration for the first argument, centered on bedtime, is
layered, fleshing out the idea by providing specific details and statistics (Satistics show that 70% of kids in America
go to bed after 8:00, and the other 30% who go to bed at 8:00 are from newborn to 6 years old. So only the little
kids have to go to bed early and 7-15 year olds are not babies). Elaboration continues with an example from the
writer’s experience (But also I myself don’t go bed at directly 8:00. I usely go to bed between 9:30-10:00 pm). The
logical connection between an 8:00 curfew and an 8:00 bedtime is not clarified, and is thus confusing. Next, the
writer addresses the reader in a conversational tone, (Are you still not convinced that we should be able to be
Pasco School District Mid-Year Common Writing Assessment
Grade 7 Scoring Papers, Page 11 of 22
out later than 8:00, without a parent), making a somewhat awkward transition to the second argument that kids
need time for fun. Here the writer uses expert opinion (Well according to Alyssa Karnes, CBA (Children Behavior
Analyse)...) as the elaboration technique and provides layers of statistics, explanations, and other details (“Kids
need some fun in their lives or it can lead them to doing bad at school.” That was based on a study she had been
doing for four years and on 20 different students. ...half the students had fun on weekends and went to bed at 9:00
to 9:30, they did really well in school. But the other half kids did have any fun and went to be around 7:30 to 8:00,
and they didn’t do well in school). Although writer stumbles around a bit in the scientific language, he or she
generally captures the “sound” of a scientific study. The weak conclusion attempts to connect the ideas (...basicall
by telling us you don’t want us out late is telling us we should go to bed early), but ends up repeating itself and the
ideas presented in the opening. On the positive side, there is a weak plea for action (So please don’t pass this really
really unfair law). Through the strong word choice, the natural transitions (Well according to...But the other half...),
and appropriate sentence structure in the scientific study paragraph, the writer displays a fairly well-devbeloped
ear for specific voices. Overall, the writer effectively addresses a sense of the person behind the words. Aside
from the weak closing, the response seems planned out and feels complete and whole. The best-fit Content,
Organization, and Style score for the piece of writing is a 3.
COS 3
Pasco School District Mid-Year Common Writing Assessment
Grade 7 Scoring Papers, Page 12 of 22
# 12
Intro
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Early Curfew
Recently, your community officials have proposed that young people under the
age of 15 cannot be out after 8:00 p.m. unless they are with an adult. Take a
position on this proposal. Write a multiple-paragraph letter to the officials
persuading them to support your position.
Have you ever felt like going Shopping after 8:00 PM? Or try Spending more
time with friends after dark? If you keep reading, you will be convinced
that those are good ideas. People under fifteen should be able to be outside
after 8:00pm without adult Supervision because, other places will get more
money and you will have more time with friends.
In the first place, other places will get more money. For example 90%
of people go bowling after dark and have fun too. That is a lot of money for
bowling buisnesses. Another company that will get a lot of money is
Safeways because after going bowling for a couple of hours you will probably
want to eat Something and Safeways is just next door to the Conway bowling
alley So you could get cookies there or Something. The last place that will
get a lot of money is gas stations because after going bowling and then
heading to Safeways you will probably need Some gas. Since gas prices have
raised it usually takes about thirty dollars to fill your gas tank.
The last reason why kids under 15 Should be allowed outside after
8:00 pm is because 99% of kids like to hang with there friends around 8:00
pm. Your probably wondering “why they can’t be with there friends during
the day”? That is because everyone is in School trying to get good grades.
People Should let kids Stay out after 8:00pm without supervision
because other places will get more money and kids will have more time with
there friends.
What are you waiting for? March up to the courthouse and get ride that
rule!
This response demonstrates a sufficient ability to persuade a reader. The response starts off strongly with persuasive
techniques in the introduction, using questions to address the reader directly (Have you ever felt like going Shopping
after 8:00 PM? Or try Spending more time with friends after dark? If you keep reading, you will be convinced that
those are good ideas...), but then moves to a list of two very loosely connected arguments. The first argument (other
places will get more money) is supported by three examples of specific businesses that would be financially affected if
the curfew were to be enacted (bowling businesses; Safeways; gas stations); each example is followed by sufficient
elaboration. The paragraph maintains cohesiveness because the writer moves from example to example in logical
progression creating a kind of domino effect (...90% of people go bowling after dark... That is a lot of money for bowling
buisnesses. Another company that will get a lot of money is Safeways because after going bowling for a couple of hours
you will probably want to eat Something and Safeways is just next door to the Conway bowling alley. ...)
Pasco School District Mid-Year Common Writing Assessment
Grade 7 Scoring Papers, Page 13 of 22
Each business mentioned has at least one level of elaboration (The last place that will get a lot of money is gas
stations because after going bowling and then heading to Safeways you will probably need Some gas. Since gas prices
have raised it usually takes about thirty dollars to fill your gas tank.); and the examples all relate back to the main
idea of increasing revenue for the town. The next argument focuses on (you will have more time with friends) and
begins with another simple, formulaic transition (The last reason), which is somewhat confusing because the previous
paragraph included the last place as an internal transition. The writer uses statistics (...99% of kids like to hang with
there friends around 8:00 pm) to support the claim and rebuts an argument the reader might have (Your probably
wondering “why they can’t be with there friends during the day”? That is because everyone is in School trying to get
good grades). By bringing in good grades the writer shows an awareness of what would be persuasive to an adult
audience. The conclusion is a reiteration of the opening, but ends with an energetic call for action (What are you
waiting for? March up to the courthouse and get ride of that rule!). Some transitions are used in a simple and
formulaic manner (In the first place...Another...The last place...), but these do not detract because the ideas are
generally related. Specific details and effective word choice (Conway bowling alley; thirty dollars to fill your tank;
March up tot that courthouse) enliven the writing and help create a sense of the person behind the words, while
some repetitive phrases (get more money; have fun; That is a lot of money; get more money) diminish the
effectiveness of the piece. Sentences are varied and the response feels somewhat complete and whole. The best-fit
Content, Organization, and Style score for this piece of writing is a 3.
COS 3
Pasco School District Mid-Year Common Writing Assessment
Grade 7 Scoring Papers, Page 14 of 22
# 13
Intro
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Concl
Early Curfew
Recently, your community officials have proposed that young people under the
age of 15 cannot be out after 8:00 p.m. unless they are with an adult. Take a
position on this proposal. Write a multiple-paragraph letter to the officials
persuading them to support your position.
Dear Officials,
Imagine, waking up lying in bed with Doctors and nurses standing
above you watching your every move. You think to yourself, “What in the world
happened to me?” You can’t seem to remember anything! But, when you and your
parents find out you have suffered from a horrible head injury from a car crash,
you suddenly remember driving out late last night. That was Strike 3, and you know
you were out!
My opinion in this proposal is that I’m all for it! This is a huge problem with
teens these days, when they have no cerfew. They take off driving at 1:00 in the
morning and get into wrecks, and wind up in a hospital bed with a head injury. Other
problems like drinking and driving occur all the time. Same with speed racing on the
streets at night. Without guidence and laws, soon over half of teenager’s in
America will be dead.
Sure we all think it’s fine for a 17 year old to jump into a car at 3:00 in the
morning to drive to a nearby gas station for a pop. But what if, on the way another
teen was drinking and driving & crashes into you & you wind up dead. Then what?
But with an adult in the car for guidence and a 8:00pm cerfew, kids on the road in
cars would be safer.
In the city stuff like: Gang shooting, fights, kidnapping, burglary happens all
the time. Kids with an 8:00 cefew wouldn’t be getting into trouble like that.
This law for kids everywhere is a good proposal. I mean, do we really want
out kids out running around at 2:00 in the morning, getting into trouble? They only
have a few chances in life to make it. So, let’s start with this one. Now.
This response demonstrates a sufficient ability to persuade a reader. The response begins with a dramatic
scenario, drawing the reader into the writing (Imagine, waking up lying in bed with Doctors and nurses standing
above you watching your every move. You think to yourself, “What in the world happened to me?” ...you and your
parents find out you have suffered from a horrible head injury from a car crash), though, confusingly, the
audience in the scenario is a young person, not the community officials. The writer then takes a position (My
opinion in this proposal is that I’m all for it! This is a huge problem with teens these days, when they have no
cerfew) using unclear language with vague pronoun referents (it...This...They...). The first argument continues
from the introduction (They wind up in a hospital bed with a head injury), elaborated upon with a list of dangers
teens encounter driving at night (drinking and driving... ...speed racing on the streets at night). The section ends
with another instance of vivid, though hyperbolic language (Without guidence and laws, soon over half of
teenager’s in America will be dead). The next paragraph addresses a potential argument from those who might
disagree with the writer’s position (Sure we all think it’s fine for a 17 year old to jump into a car at 3:00 in the
morning to drive to a nearby gas station for a pop. But what if, on the way another teen was drinking and driving
Pasco School District Mid-Year Common Writing Assessment
Grade 7 Scoring Papers, Page 15 of 22
& crashes into you & you wind up dead. Then what?), and offers an answer to the objection (But with an adult in the
car for guidence and a 8:00 cerfew, kids on the road in cars would be safer). Then the writer moves on to the
dangers encountered in the city and presents a simple list of specifics (Gang shooting, fights, kidnapping, burglary
happens all the time) and suggests, perhaps naively, that the curfew would solve the problems. Holistically,
elaboration is stronger and layered in the first section, and sparser towards the end. The conclusion is effective,
using a question directed at the audience as an effort to really support (...do we really want our kids out running
around at 2:00 in the morning, getting into trouble?), ending with a strong, persuasive call for action (They only have
a few chances in life to make it. So, let’s start with this one. Now). Emotional language and lively word choice (That
was Strike 3, and you know you were out!) help to create a clear sense of the emotional person behind the words.
Transitional language (But, when you...Other problems...Sure we...) moves the reader easily through the response and
helps to create a sense of wholeness; the writing seems to follow a general plan and seems complete. The best-fit
Content, Organization, and Style score for this piece of writing is a 3.
COS 3
(high 3)
Pasco School District Mid-Year Common Writing Assessment
Grade 7 Scoring Papers, Page 16 of 22
# 14
Intro
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Concl
Early Curfew
Recently, your community officials have proposed that young people under the
age of 15 cannot be out after 8:00 p.m. unless they are with an adult. Take a
position on this proposal. Write a multiple-paragraph letter to the officials
persuading them to support your position.
Did you ever stay out later than 8:00 p.m. without an adult when you
were young? You could, so why take that privilege away from present day
kids? I disagree 100% with the 8 p.m. curfew, and 98% of the communities
children do too. What do you expect us kids to do after 8 anyway, sit
around like couch potatoes? Having an 8:00 curfew would prevent many
activities, and cause the society to suffer.
Right now I am 13 years old, and I play a lot of sports, including
gymnastics, basketball, volleyball, etc. Sometimes, when my teams go to
away games, we don’t get back from them until 9 or 10 O’clock at night.
Being forced to be home at 8 would mean my teams couldn’t go to away
games, and away teams couldn’t come to us. There are also a ton of night
time activities that would be excluded, like going to the church camp I go to
every year. A few people from the college, NNU (Northwest Nazeren
University) in Idaho, come and prepare late night games for the students.
The campers also enjoy sneaking out of their cabins at night without adult
supevision. Another activity we’d be missing is outdoor sleeping (camping).
Sometimes my friends and I like to take a tent out to the woods and sleep
out there. With a curfew law, that would be illegal. Not to mention, having a
curfew would make at least half of the community leave.
Kind of like the domino effect, the community needs only a few
citizens to disturb the society. Once one family leaves and the house
dealers can’t sell their house because of the new law, the house will fall
apart and the gardens will die. After a while, more and more families will
move. Then, businesses will lose customers and money, and be forced to
depart also. Pretty soon the community will have no more people, and an area
that used to be beautiful will become a truck stop, or a place that’s not on
the map. Kind of like the movie Cars, where the community had once been
great but became a worthless dump.
Until the 8:00 law isn’t even a thought, I will continue to disagree and
argue about your unfairness. By enforcing an 8 p.m. curfew, the kids of the
society won’t be able to participate in fun activities, and the once heavily
populated area will die down to nothing. Don’t make the 8 O’clock curfew a
law, or go get new officals to run the community!
Pasco School District Mid-Year Common Writing Assessment
Grade 7 Scoring Papers, Page 17 of 22
This response demonstrates a strong ability to persuade a reader. The introduction immediately draws the reader
into the response with a question, (Did you ever stay out later than 8:00 p.m. without an adult when you were
young? You could, so why take that privilege away from present day kids?) then takes a position, and elaborates
with use of statistics (I disagree 100% with the 8 p.m. curfew, and 98% of the communities children do too).
Though the two main arguments (prevent many activities, and cause the society to suffer) are explicitly listed,
they flow well from the introduction and do not sound formulaic. The writer develops the first point (prevent
many activities) by focusing on three activities that might be affected by a curfew (...play a lot of sports...going
to church camp...outdoor sleeping...). Generally the writer explains and expands upon the ideas with multiple layers
of support. For example, the writer discusses church camp, (...I go to every year. A few people from the college,
NNU (Northwest Nazerene University) in Idaho, come and prepare late night games for the students...the
campers also enjoy sneaking out of their cabins...) adding layers of specific details that suggest wholesome and
harmless activity. For the next argument (cause the society to suffer) the writer uses a technique sometimes
referred to as the “house that Jack built,” or as the writer calls it, (domino effect), to support the argument;
that is, a causal chain that connects a series of steps; in this case the chain of events begins with passing the
curfew and ends with the destruction of the community and its disappearance from the map. Effective transitions
(Once one family leaves... After a while,... Pretty soon...) and connected ideas lead the reader logically from one
step to the next, resulting in a sense of completeness. Within this paragraph, engaging word choices (domino
effect; disturb the society; worthless dump) and sentence variety (Then businesses will lose customers and
money, and be forced to depart also. Pretty soon the community will have no more people, and an area that used to
be beautiful will become a truck stop, or a place that’s not on the map) make the writing more persuasive. The
conclusion is strong and goes far beyond summing up the main ideas; the writer shows clear understanding of the
dynamics between community leaders and citizen activists (Until the 8:00 law isn’t even a thought, I will continue
to disagree and argue about your unfairness...the once heavily populated area will die down to nothing...get new
officials to run the community!) The strong conclusion, personal examples, vivid phrases (What do you expect us
kids to do after 8 anyway, sit around like couch potatoes?) and specific word choice create a clear sense of the
person behind the words. The writing seems well planned and complete. The best-fit Content, Organization, and
Style score for this piece of writing is a 4.
COS 4
(low 4)
Pasco School District Mid-Year Common Writing Assessment
Grade 7 Scoring Papers, Page 18 of 22
# 15
Intro
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Concl
Early Curfew
Recently, your community officials have proposed that young people under the
age of 15 cannot be out after 8:00 p.m. unless they are with an adult. Take a
position on this proposal. Write a multiple-paragraph letter to the officials
persuading them to support your position.
Dear Community Officials,
On the news lately we’ve been hearing alot about young kids staying
out late and getting into trouble. I think the early curfew is good because,
it will decrease the chance of kids getting into trouble, it will allow the kids
to focus in on their schoolwork, and they will still have time for their
extracurricular activities.
By setting this rule, you will decrease the number of kids roaming the
streets at night, therefore decreasing the chance of kids getting into
trouble. The streets are a scary place at night. Staying out late just one
night could get you in serious trouble. You could find yourself taking drugs
or even shoplifting. You’ll find yourself hanging out with the wrong crowd
and doing things that you know you should’nt be doing.
When you were younger did you ever ignore your mom’s constant nag
to do your homework? I do that sometimes and go outside instead. By
setting this rule, the kids will have to come inside and do their homework.
Coming home at 8:00 and doing your homework doesn’t mean you have to go
to bed right then, but it does help to wind down, go to bed, and get a good
nights rest. I bet the kids will sleep better and get better grades, just
from this rule alone.
One could argue that setting this rule would be a bad idea because, “I
have extracurricular activities that go past 8:00” or even the famous, “kids
need their freedom.” Both of these statements are incorrect because,
extracurricular activities are usually hosted by an adult. For example, all
sport practices are coached by an adult, or even something related to school,
such as volenteer work, there is always an adult present. As for the, “kids
need their freedom,” you aren’t taking that away. By letting kids stay out
until 8:00 is plenty of freedom. After 8:00, there is no action, no nothing,
so why don’t the kids just give in and go home.
I think as the kids get older they will learn to appreciate this rule. I
think the early curfew is good because, it will decrease the chance of kids
getting into trouble, it will allow the kids to focus on their school work, and
they will have time for their extracurricular activities. By proposing the
early curfew rule, it will make your community a better place.
Pasco School District Mid-Year Common Writing Assessment
Grade 7 Scoring Papers, Page 19 of 22
This response demonstrates a strong ability to persuade a reader. The introduction immediately establishes a
common link to the reader (On the news lately we’ve been hearing alot about young kids staying out late and getting
into trouble.), moves to the position of the writer (...the early curfew is good), and then lists support in arguments
that will follow in subsequent paragraphs (it will decrease the chance of kids getting into trouble...allow the kids to
focus in on their schoolwork...still have time for their extracurricular activities). The attention to the reader
continues in the next paragraph (When you were younger did you ever ignore your mom’s constant nag to do your
homework?) and establishes that the reader and writer have things in common (I do that sometimes and go outside
instead). The first argument, centering on potential trouble at night, is supported with a list of related examples
that build upon one another (The streets are a scary place...You could find yourself taking drugs or even shoplifting.
You’ll find yourself hanging out with the wrong crowd and doing things that you know you should’nt be doing). The
second argument centers on how young people would benefit from more homework and sleep and addresses an
objection that could surface (Coming home at 8:00 and doing your homework doesn’t mean you have to go to bed
right then, but it does help to wind down...). This writer demonstrates awareness of an adult concerns (I bet the
kids will sleep better and get better grades, just from this rule alone) in the choice of details. Next, the writer
addresses two objections the reader might have (One could argue that setting this rule would be a bad idea
because, “I have extracurricular activities that go past 8:00” or even the famous, “kids need their freedom.”), and
rebuts each objection in a different manner. The first is countered with specific examples (...extracurricular
activities are usually hosted by an adult. For example, all sport practices are coached by an adult...), while the
second point (freedom) is addressed with more persuasive language and sentence variety (...you aren’t taking that
away. By letting kids stay out until 8:00 is plenty of freedom. After 8:00, there is no action, no nothing, so why
don’t the kids just give in and go home). The conclusion begins in a formulaic manner by once again listing arguments,
though the closing statement does demonstrate audience awareness (By proposing the early curfew rule, it will make
your community a better place). Despite these weaknesses in the introduction and conclusion, the response
demonstrates consistent cohesiveness both within and across paragraphs; internal transitions effectively guide the
reader from one idea to the next giving the writing a sense of completeness. The response frequently uses
persuasive techniques and engaging language to strengthen the sense of the person behind the words. The best-fit
Content, Organization, and Style score for this piece of writing is a 4.
COS 4
Pasco School District Mid-Year Common Writing Assessment
Grade 7 Scoring Papers, Page 20 of 22
# 16
Intro
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Early Curfew
Recently, your community officials have proposed that young people under the
age of 15 cannot be out after 8:00 p.m. unless they are with an adult. Take a
position on this proposal. Write a multiple-paragraph letter to the officials
persuading them to support your position.
Dear officials,
Imagine a dark night at 10:00 p.m. Two kids, both about ten years old,
are walking down a street. The two boys are just talking to eachother, not
taking heed to their surroundings. They don’t notice a man dressed in black
crouching behind a bush. One of the boys starts talking, and lookes at the
ground by his shoes. He looks up to ask the other boy a question, but no one
is there. Now, only the man dressed in black knows where he is.... This idea
is almost too horrific to even think of! If there was an adult with the two
boys, this story could have completely changed. I don’t think that children
under 15 years of age should be able to go out after 8:00 p.m. without an
adult because the kids may become caught up in drugs at night, and because
they could be kidnapped.
The first reason that children under 15 should not be out after 8:00
p.m. is because they might become caught up in drugs. I once saw a
documentary that interviewed kids that use to drink alcohol. Most of them
started at age 12 and 13. I noticed that on most occasions, when the kid
would start drinking, it was at night past 8:00 p.m. They would be at some
party that had alcohol. No adults were around; it was just the kids. Is it not
easy for a child under 15 years of age to become addicted to drugs when it’s
at night, and the only people around are his friends? For some, it is too easy.
Adults might say, “But some children like to play outside late at night!”
Yes, this is true, but would it be worth the consequences of a child being
kidnapped? Kidnappers usually strike at night when they can be concealed by
the darkness. How simple it would be for one of them to snach a child late
at night! I have heard of numerous kidnappings that have taken place at
night with no parents around. No on can see the kidnapper take someone,
and it usually takes some time to figure out that the persons even missing!
In conclusion, children under 15 shouldn’t be out after 8:00 p.m.
because they might get caught up in drugs, and because they have a greater
chance of being kidnapped at night. Children can become caught up in drugs
when they’re out with their friends at night. Kidnappers usually strike at
night in the darkness when they can’t be seen as well. Don’t let children go
out after 8:00 p.m.; it could change someone’s life!
Sincerely,
Pasco School District Mid-Year Common Writing Assessment
Grade 7 Scoring Papers, Page 21 of 22
This response demonstrates a strong ability to persuade a reader. It begins with an artful, dramatic scenario,
effectively setting up the theme of danger young people face, and drawing the reader in with a mystery-style
narrative. (He looks up to ask the other boy a question, but no one is there. Now, only the man dressed in black
knows where he is... This idea is almost too horrific to even think of!). Early on, the ability of the writer to control
the effect on a reader is clear. Choice of words and phrasing create a powerful impact (...taking heed to their
surroundings. ...crouching behind a bush). The writer uses this scenario of dangers in the night as an oblique focus
for the response, and moves to a list of arguments that will be fleshed out later (...the kids may become caught up
in drugs and night, and because they could be kidnapped). The response shifts somewhat abruptly from the
kidnapping scenario to the first argument (drugs), using a formulaic and not particularly effective transition (The
first reason that children under 15 should not be out after 8:00 p.m. is because...). However, the remainder of
paragraph demonstrates full elaboration of the argument and uses effective internal transitions to lead the reader
logically from one idea to the next, while persuasively citing observations and statistics from an expert source (I
once saw a documentary that interviewed kids that use to drink alcohol. Most them started at age 12 and 13. I
noticed that on most occasions, when the kids would start drinking, it was at night past 8:00 p.m.). As the argument
is further layered with elaboration, additional persuasive techniques appear, such as a rhetorical question (Is it not
easy for a child under 15 years of age to become addicted to drugs when it’s at night, and the only people around
are his friends? For some, it is too easy). Here the writer uses persuasive language and purposefully-crafted
sentences of varied length to enhance the meaning. The second argument (kidnappings) opens by addressing a
potential objection (Adults might say, “But some children like to play outside late at night!”), then answers the
objection with a rhetorical question (Yes, this is true, but would it be worth the consequences of a child being
kidnapped?). Adding to the mounting evidence, the writer elaborates further by citing examples from personal
knowledge (I have heard of numerous kidnappings...). Word choice continues to be engaging and appropriate
(Kidnappers usually strike...they can be concealed... ...snach a child). The conclusion begins in a formulaic manner
that detracts slightly from the piece (In conclusion,...) and lists the arguments again. However, the response end
effectively with a strong call for action (Don’t let children go out after 8:00 p.m.; it could change someone’s life!).
The response demonstrates cohesiveness both across and within paragraphs, giving a sense of completeness, and
consistent sentence variety and engaging word choice give a strong sense of the person behind the words. The
best-fit Content, Organization, and Style score for this piece of writing is a 4.
COS 4
Pasco School District Mid-Year Common Writing Assessment
Grade 7 Scoring Papers, Page 22 of 22